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Dr. Suzy’s Sexy Bastille Day: Joyeux Quatorze Juillet! (0)

“Liberté, Égalité, Fraternité...Sexe!” says Dr. Block.

This Saturday night’s live broadcast of The Dr. Susan Block Show falls on Bastille Day, so we’ll celebrate the French revolution, French ballet, French wine, French fries, French bread, French kissing and the fine art of French (oral) sex.

Joining international sexologist Dr. Susan Block in her Womb Room broadcast studios will be GF Films contract star and Brigitte Bardot lookalike, Prinzzess Felicity Jade (what’s a French Revolution without some sexy, spoiled royalty?), Comic Strips star, Bella Luciano, and the return of French-speaking, prima-ballerina-turned-fetish-model, Kitty Twinkle Toes.

 Joining us via Skype will be Buttman model, Aiden Aspen.

Dr. Suzy’s Sexy Bastille Day will air live July 14th, 2012, 10:30pm-Midnight PST on The Dr. Susan Block Show. Listen FREE at http://tinyurl.com/RadioSex  Call-In Free: 1.866.289.7068.

Watch the LIVE BROADCAST & See All the Pix and Past Shows at http://tinyurl.com/DrSuzySex

To join our exclusive live in-studio audience and the after-party at Dr. Suzy’s Speakeasy in the Soul of Downtown LA, call or go to http://tinyurl.com/DrSuzyRSVP

Proceeds from donations go to help save the highly endangered “make love not war” bonobos from extinction in the Congo and to promote the Bonobo Way of Peace through Pleasure around the world.  Dr. Block and guests will enjoy sex toys provided by Sybian, AdultPlayParlor, ScreamingO, Stockroom, Kinky Eddie, Munkey-Barz, JuxLeather and Condomania condoms, plus a fine art exhibit featuring Anthony Winn’s Stripperella artwork and the classical erotic paintings of Scott Siedman. The Dr. Susan Block Show beverage of choice is Agwa di Bolivia Coca Leaf Liqueur, among the many fine libations and gourmet hors d’oeuvres featured at the always-popular Speakeasy Open Bar and Aphrodisiac Buffet.

The Dr. Susan Block Show is produced by The Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences, an international center for sexual expression, therapy and education based in LA.  Founded in 1991 by Susan M. Block, PhD, world-renowned Yale-educated sexologist, best-selling author and host of HBO specials, the Institute’s mission is to help individuals, couples and communities enhance their sexuality and improve their lives based upon Dr. Block’s philosophy of Ethical Hedonism and the Bonobo Way of Peace through Pleasure.

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Reverse Cowgirl Positioning (11)

[video mp4="https://drsusanblock.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/13/Dr_Susan_Block-Sex_Calls-Reverse_Cowgirl_Positioning_edit_2.mp4" poster="https://drsusanblockinstitute.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/ReverseCowgirlPositioning_DrSuzy_Sex-Calls_Ho.jpg"][/video] Do you like exciting sexual positions - but also want to be comfortable?  Fiancés "Robert and Angie" both enjoy sex "from behind," aka doggie-style. Now Robert would like to "do" Angie in a twist on the Reverse Cowgirl Position involving her sitting on top of him, her back facing his chest but, he says, "it's hard for her." Actually, says Angie, "it hurts," and Robert doesn't want to hurt her. So, they call internationally renowned sexologist and sex therapist Dr. Susan Block for advice in "Reverse Cowgirl Positioning." Acknowledging Angie's pain, Dr. Block addresses the general discomfort and danger of Reverse Cowgirl. Moreover,Robert's method of doing it gives Angie no leverage or control of his level of penetration. Adding inches to the problem, they both confess, Robert is well-endowed. Since Angie does like sex from behind and wants to give this a try, Dr. Block suggests they "do" it in steps, first assuming regular Cowgirl, face-to-face with Robert on his back and Angie on top, getting in the groove with lots of lube. Once Angie is very comfortable and Robert is very hard, she can try swiveling around to Reverse Cowgirl, taking her time and taking control, using her thigh muscles to adjust how deeply Robert penetrates her, so it never has to hurt. Then... Giddyap! Ride 'em Cowgirl! "Reverse Cowgirl Positioning" is a vintage clip from the "SEX CALLS" broadcast archives of The Dr. Susan Block Show (circa 1998). This is NOT a call with actual therapy clients; those are absolutely private and confidential. This is a caller on Dr. Block's Saturday night live show. For more information, call us at 626.461.5950. For current shows and other events, visit us at http://drsusanblock.com. For more on sexual positions, go to https://drsusanblock.com/sex-positions. Have a question about sexual positions? Or is there something else you need to talk about that you can't talk about anywhere else? Experience Phone Sex Therapy. Call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime: 213-291-9497. We're here for you. Read More
KINK Comments Off on KINK

 

“Sex comes to most of us with a twist.” ―Iris Murdoch, The Nice and the Good

Kink is in the air, whether it shocks you to your core or leaves you wanting more. Kink is everywhere, in the clothes you dare to wear, the body parts you bare, the language(s) you speak and even the foods you eat. Kinks of various kinds pervade art, entertainment, media, technology, business, sports, gaming, politics and protest, not to mention human sexuality, romances, relationships and your deepest secret fantasies. Personally, I enjoy a variety of kinks (see below), and I often mix them, like tasty spices and saucy sauces, into the main meal of my marriage. As a sexologist and sex therapist in private practice for over 30 years, as well as a talk show host  and best-selling author who deals with sensitive sexual subjects, I’ve helped thousands of people to accept, express and enjoy their kinky feelings, handle their related problems, and share their kinks and fetishes consensually with fellow adult kinksters, or even with someone new. Very often, helping someone to handle their kink(s) is a gateway to guiding them into a better, healthier, happier life in general. So… how kinky are you? Do you want to be kinkier? Or maybe not so kinky? Is your favorite kink an erotic pleasure beyond compare or a deep dark secret you’re afraid to share? Or is it a complex kinky combo of the two?  

The Joy of Kink

Come with me on a fascinating, stimulating, sex educational journey  through the dazzling and powerful, yet often perplexing and hazardous world of kink in history, art, entertainment, relationships, fashion, food, religion, politics, protest, love, war and your brain. First, let’s define our terms. In conversation, dissertations and pillow talk, people use the word “kink”  to convey a multitude of ideas, objects, turn-ons, turn-offs, activities and fantasies in a million different ways, some of which are “kink-positive,” others negative, and many are very confused.

Virtually any fetish could be considered kinky, though a kink isn’t necessarily a fetish.

So, what does kink mean? Before the word entered the sexual lexicon, the original meaning of “kink” was—and still is—a “twist,” “bend,” “curve” or “turn,” such as a “kink” in the road or “kinky hair.” The word kink was first recorded in the 1670s as a Dutch nautical term for a twist or knot in a rope, probably related to the Old Icelandic or Norse kikna, meaning “to bend at the knees.” Over a century later, in 1803, U.S. President and consummate wordsmith Thomas Jefferson took the word “kink” out of the mundane world of ropes and roads and into the psychological realm by writing about a “mental twist, a whim.” With all those knotty ropes, bent knees and twisted Jeffersonian whims, I’m sure many 19th century individuals *in the know* were saying—or at least whispering—the word “kinky” to describe or at least suggest bent, curvy or twisted sex, as well. After all, an erotic kink is also a twist, curve or turn away from conventional, “straight” and narrow, “vanilla,” penis-in-vagina (PIV) sexual activity between husband and wife for procreational purposes only, under the covers with the lights out. Anything else would be fair game to be designated kinky, and by the mid-20th century, it officially was. The problem was—and still is—that so many people have such strong disapproving opinions about unconventional sexuality, that they can’t resist imposing negative value judgments on kink… even in dictionaries! I’ll bet you know people like that.  I certainly do. As of this writing, Dictionary.com defines kink as “bizarre or unconventional sexual preferences or behavior” and the Cambridge Dictionary explains it as “a strange habit, usually of a sexual nature.” Bizarre? Strange? While these definitions might have some validity—and giggle value (if you’re into poking fun at your own kinks)—they are disdainful and kink-negative. Sure, some kinks are a little “bizarre,” like my sex therapy client who enjoys getting tarred and feathered, Puritan punishment-style. Then there’s my ammosexual client who imagines being cuckolded by AR-15-brandishing cartoon characters with even bigger weapons between their legs. However, kinks can be as sweet and wholesome as apple pie… especially if your kink is for splosh. With a hat tip to Alex Comfort, whose Joy of Sex: A Gourmet Guide to Lovemaking was a Bible for the Sexual Revolution of the 1970s, come let us explore the joy of kink.  

Need to Work the Kinks Out?

“Girl, you really got me goin' You got me so I don't know what I'm doin' Yeah, you really got me now You got me so I can't sleep at night” —The Kinks

In many definitions, “kink” denotes something that needs to be fixed or straightened out…such as “a kink in your back” (ouch!) or the idea that “we need to work out the kinks.” That could be true, as The Kinks themselves would sing, your kinks could keep you up all night or get you into trouble. However, it’s just as possible that exploring your kinks—consensually and responsibly—turns out to be one of the greatest, most exciting, most meaningful, healing, enlightening and therapeutic parts of your life. It could even work out that nasty kink in your back!

Is a Fetish a Kink?

A kink can be physical or psychological, and usually, it’s both.  The same is true of a sexual fetish, which is a profound, undeniable, erotic desire for something. It can be anything, but not just anything. A fetish is something special—at least, for the fetishist. It could be for an inanimate object, activity or situation. It could be a yearning for something, perhaps an article of clothing, such as high heels, lingerie, a boot or a burqa; or a body part, like breasts, butts, feet or hair. One could also have a fetish for an activity, like watching, being watched, spanking or being spanked; or a situation, such as a mistress/slave, teacher/student, doctor/patient, seductress/neophyte, goddess/gangbang or cuckold/hotwife/bull relationship. Some psychologists call this strong, deep-seated, sometimes compulsive, erotic need a “paraphilia,” but that’s medically loaded, so we’ll stick with “fetish” for now. Whatever the fetish object, activity or situation might be, the fetishist invests great power into it. The fetish object might exude great sexual power for the fetishist, great religious power, or perhaps a mixture of both. In the classic sense, the sexual fetishist requires the fetish object—or at least, a fantasy of the fetish object—in order to have sex. The male fetishist needs this thing, activity, situation or fantasy to get an erection; he cannot get excited without it, and he may become obsessed with it. For the human female, sexual arousal and fetishism are a little more mysterious and difficult to pinpoint. One could say that the female fetishist needs the fetish object to desire or enjoy sex. More often, it seems that human females attempt to excite male fetishistic desire. So, what’s the difference between a kink and a fetish? Technically, the term “kink” doesn’t indicate the same intense need as the term “fetish.” Virtually any fetish could be considered kinky, though a kink isn’t necessarily a fetish. That’s the clinical difference, but in the real world, there’s a lot of overlap, and people often use the terms interchangeably. Kink can be good, bad or neutral for the individual, the couple and/or society. Usually, I think, kink is good! Read on to find out why…

Are You into Taboo?

“If I tell you If I tell you now Will you keep on Will you keep on loving me? If I tell you If I tell you how I feel Will you keep bringing out the best in me? You give me the sweetest taboo... …. There's a quiet storm And it never felt this hot before Giving me something that's taboo” —Sade

Kink can be a little—or a lot—taboo. It may be as public, legal, harmless and heart-warming as wearing a diamond-studded collar with a heart locket given to you by your beloved spouse. Nevertheless, there is always a forbidden “Sweetest Taboo,” a transgressive element to kink, something that’s a little (or a lot) “off” the beaten track, with an edge of danger, even if trust is strong and all safety precautions have been taken.   The word taboo stems from the Fijian “tabu,” Polynesian “tapu” and Hawaiian “kapu,” all of which mean “not to be touched.” This is not because the taboo object is gross or dirty, but because it is extremely sacred, a religious object forbidden to the uninitiated. Interestingly, many such sacred objects were and are phallic in nature, such as a flute, spear, baton or totem pole, or round and vaginal like a bowl, chalice or the Holy Grail. Of course, these strict prohibitions render the “tabu” very intimidating, but they also make the uninitiated extremely curious and perhaps aroused by touching—or just thinking about touching—that which is taboo. As the great French mid-20th century erotic philosopher, Georges Bataille, said, “transgression” is a cornerstone of human eroticism. That is, sometimes we’re turned on by something we also find wrong, shameful, humiliating or forbidden. In Eroticism: Death & Sensuality, Bataille discussed civilized humanity’s ongoing struggle between sensuous pleasure and shame that generates eroticism and, to a certain extent, kink.

Shame is a horrible feeling... [but it] is also an essential component of the forbidden boundaries that we find so exciting to transgress, tease, crisscross, break, spank, overthrow or just throw out the window of inhibition.

A lot of people use the terms “shame” and “guilt” interchangeably. Though they are related, they mean very different things. You feel guilt when you feel badly about something you did, like cheating, stealing or hurting someone. In many cases, guilt is an appropriate feeling for having done wrong, though we often blow it out of proportion. You feel shame when you feel badly about who or what you are. Shame is almost never appropriate but, unfortunately, we all know the feeling. Shame is that terrible feeling of self-blame that comes over us like a hot flash of mortification following a perceived failure, or the fear of being disgraced. Unlike guilt, which is usually over something you did recently, shame is most often rooted in childhood trauma. One of the worst aspects of childhood trauma-rooted shame is that it tends to inhibit us—sexually and otherwise—through adulthood.   So, shame is really bad, right? Well, yes, for the most part, shame is horrible, painful, debilitating, irrational and can lead to harming yourself or others. Lurking fearfully and tearfully among our vast spectrum of emotions, shame can be a monster in penitent’s clothing. However, as Bataille points out, shame is also an essential component of the forbidden boundaries that we find so exciting to transgress, tease, crisscross, break, spank, overthrow or just throw out the window of inhibition. Engaging in nonconsensual kinks, like coercive or inappropriate sex, yet channeling those urges through consensual BDSM, is a great way to find that arousing erotic friction, release, adventure and fulfillment.  

The consenting adult enjoyment of kink can be a positive, even therapeutic solution to processing childhood trauma as well as everyday problems like stress, anxiety and loneliness, not to mention horniness.

Sexual kinks can cause problems—sometimes big problems, like drug addiction, divorce, crippling shyness, sexual assault and even homicide. However, if handled with care, they can be the opposite of a problem. Indeed, the consenting adult enjoyment of kink can be a positive, even therapeutic solution to processing childhood trauma as well as everyday issues like stress, anxiety and loneliness, not to mention horniness. As long as you can handle them responsibly, be grateful for your kinks!

COMMON SEXUAL KINKS

There are as many kinks as there are people. Actually, there are more, since the majority of kinksters enjoy more than one kink. However, the following are some of the most popular, according to surveys and my own anecdotal (but considerable!) experience as a sex therapist in private practice since 1991, as well as hosting shows and bacchanals celebrating “Kink Month” every October since 2015. I’ve considered myself kinky since my first Threshold Society play party back in 1989. I was blown away! I only wish I could have read an article like this before I attended that party. Instead, I embarrassed myself by interrupting a scene to ask the smiling, shackled woman at the center of it if she was “all right.” She was. But talk about breaking the mood! Fortunately, she and everyone else there laughed good-naturedly at my naïveté and proceeded to teach me the ways of kink. Indeed, we can all learn from past mistakes--kinks in the road of life--and hopefully you can learn from some of mine. If your favorite kink isn’t here, never fear! Check out our “What Can We Talk About?” page, call my show on Saturday nights (626.461.5212) or, if you need to talk privately, call our kink-positive Therapists Without Borders anytime: 213.291.9497.

The ABCs of BDSM

Though there are almost as many different kinks as there are stars in the sky, a lot of them fit under the Big Tent of BDSM, which breaks down to Bondage & Discipline (B&D), Dominance & Submission (D/s); Sadomasochism (SM). If you want to engage in BDSM play, I recommend you study this ancient, somewhat esoteric practice, preferably with an experienced BDSM practitioner, then start light and gradually ease into more intense activity. Take classes at DomCom (check out DomCon 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020) or other BDSM conventions, or splurge on private instruction. When engaged in responsibly, the safe, sane and consensual (SSC) exploration of BDSM can be an excellent, peaceful yet exciting and very bonoboësque channel for erotic power exchange. A step beyond SSC is RACK: Risk-Aware Consensual Kink. That may sound like alphabet soup, but SSC RACK can be a way to express violent impulses without hurting anyone, including yourself. It can involve sexual psychodrama, safely and imaginatively releasing aggressive forces that fester in our subconscious, so they don’t explode into destructive behavior. In our modern militaristic, ammosexual culture, it’s no surprise that many of us have violent fantasies and desires. Of course, acting on these fantasies nonconsensually would be unethical and criminal, not to mention heinous. So… what to do about them? Complete suppression is usually the only solution on the table, even though it has long been proven to be ineffective and, for many, impossible. What about BDSM? It’s certainly no panacea, and kinksters can be abusers like anyone else. However, the conscientious practice of safe, sane and consensual BDSM can effectively channel these feelings, even helping to curb domestic violence and perhaps other types of violence as well. Studies have yet to be done on this subject, but based on over three decades of experience as a sex therapist, a relationship counselor and a kinkster, I say: Yes! Kink can be that healing. Can conscientious kink practice help to foster conditions for world peace? Considering the chances of WWIII, it's worth a try. So, on a recent FDR podcast, we sounded the antiwar kinkster's *battle cry*: MAKE KINK NOT WAR!

Domination & submission

“There's a new game We like to play you see A game with added reality You treat me like a dog Get me down on my knees We call it master and servant It's a lot like life… Domination's the name of the game In bed or in life They're both just the same Except in one you're fulfilled At the end of the day Let’s play master and servant” ―Depeche Mode 

Consensual sexual domination—when one partner takes charge and the other voluntarily gives up their power—is a cornerstone of kink, and submission is its flip side. D/s could involve body worship, impact play, bondage, humiliation, sissy maid service a "money slave" relationship or any number of other activities involving power exchange. This seems like a good time to note that the kinky *games* old Tommy Jefferson played with his longtime sex slave Sally Hemings were wrong because he actually—legally—did own her. We will never know if Sally had a good time with Tom because she was never allowed to make that choice to be with him. Unlike Sally, a consenting adult kinky BDSM “slave” can choose to stop the scene and/or leave any time they want. Their “slavery” is just an illusion (or should be). Nevertheless, it can be very powerful. It’s also very popular. According to a 2016 study in the Journal of Sex Research, 47% of women and 60% of men fantasized about dominating a partner. A YouGovAmerica study showed that 53% of Americans say that they enjoy dominance or submission, with the most common answer (28%) being that they like being both at different times. About a third (33%) say that they don't want to be either dominant or submissive, while 14% either don't know or “prefer not to say.” Something tells me that those that “don’t know” or “prefer not to say” are the kinkiest of all. My guess is that they enjoy some kind of submission since folks tend to be most embarrassed to admit to that… It’s funny how ashamed so many of us are of our yearning for sexual surrender; even though, when you think about it, surrender is an essential aspect of orgasm. However, surrender may be expressed in some seemingly odd and disturbing ways, like humiliation, i.e., being stepped on literally or figuratively, sexually denigrated in some fashion—such as being called a “dirty slut,” “worthless turd,” “pencil-dick,” "piggy bank" or “cum receptacle.”  To an outside observer, this might seem crazy; why would someone get aroused from being degraded and seemingly exploited? The answer is complicated and varies from person to person. For example, if humiliation is your kink, you might have a sexual anxiety so great—such as fear you’ll be exposed as the horny loser you think you are or that someone will laugh at your penis—that your libido actually floods your bloodstream with arousal to kill the (emotional) pain before it kills you. So yes, your humiliation kink might be saving your life.

Freedom is the greatest aphrodisiac, but restraint is a close second.

Nevertheless, it’s confusing, unnerving and can be very tough to talk about… even though talking about it with someone who cares and understands is often the best thing for you. If you’re struggling with your own desires for humiliation or other controversial forms of erotic domination, it might benefit you to talk with a therapist, a very knowledgeable dominatrix or another kink professional. The Therapists Without Borders at the Dr. Susan Block Institute are experts in these areas, and your confidentiality is guaranteed. Call us anytime you need to talk: 213.291.9497.

Bondage

Bondage, aka restraint, is a popular kink, and not just because of those kinks in the ropes! I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: Freedom is the greatest aphrodisiac, but restraint is a close second. Besides those eternally kinky ropes (jute being a favorite), types of bondage might include handcuffs, shackles, collars, straightjackets, spreader bars, harnesses or four “50 Shades of Grey” silk ties fastened securely around your wrists and ankles. There’s also psychological bondage. Before engaging in certain types of bondage, you might sign a “binding” contract which, though it lends a certain seriousness to the proceedings, probably wouldn’t hold up in a court of law. In a typical bondage scene, you might also be blindfolded, hooded, muzzled, dominated, restrained by a ball gag, locked up in a chastity belt, strapped down to a medical examination table, put into a posture collar, led around on a leash, shut up in a cage, zipped into a sleep sack, suspended from the ceiling, put into a sling, turned into a piece of human art with beautiful Japanese Shibari or Kinbaku, tied spread-eagle to a four-poster bed or latched onto a St. Andrews’s Cross while being spanked or flogged.  Then again, for some of us, the kinkiest form of (psychological) bondage is the wedding ring. For more about bondage and how it can be used for pleasure, adventure, personal discovery and healing therapy, click Bondage Therapy.

Spanking

“Dick and Jane were on a date Dicky said it's getting late How's about a little kiss? Well, Jane grabbed her ankles and said how about this: Why don't you smack my bottom? Smack my bottom! Won't you smack my bottom 'till my tiny little heiny glows?” —The Wetspots

To spank means “to strike or slap the buttocks, usually with the palm of the hand,” according to Webster’s. Spankings may be given for real punishment—as in spanking children against their will—or pleasure—as in spanking among consenting adults.   Spanking children isn’t kinky; it’s child abuse. On the other hand, erotic consensual adult spanking is one of the most popular kinks there is, whether or not you were spanked as a child. The pain-laced pleasures of adult “erotic spanking” range from light slaps on the butt during lovemaking to more formal, over-the-knee (OTK) roleplay to a mistress smacking her naughty slave’s reddened rear within their D/s (dominance and submission) lifestyle. Here at the Institute, we love consenting adult spanking of all kinds, including impact play with whips, floggers, paddles, books (read it or get red from it!) or belts—with or without roleplay. We certainly do a lot of spanking on DrSuzy.Tv, especially on certain holidays like Spanksgiving, Lupercalia, Krampus, Full Moons, Happy Nude Rear parties, birthdays and all through Kink Month. Not only do many of our shows—from Spanking the tRump Turkey on Spanksgiving to Lupercalian Whipping to A Spankophiliacs Delight (warning: this one includes very hard spanking)—feature impact play, we have created several excellent spanking education resources for you. Want more? Of course, you do! Click on these links:

Body Part Kinks

Breasts – The most common all-American fetish might be the one so many men—and a lot of women—have for the female chest, perhaps connected to our deep need for nurturance. Find out more about breasts, boobs, nipples, mammaries, lactating, the all-natural bosom vs. surgically enhanced porn star boobs, coitus a mammalia and more—plus what it all means and how it can (seriously!) heal you—under Breast Therapy. Buttocks – Coming in for a close second as America’s (and the world’s) favorite fetish would be a “nice butt”… but what is “nice”? What’s the bottom line? That depends on the fanny fetishist, their culture and personal taste.  Some “like big butts and [they] cannot lie.” Others prefer cute little buns, a heart-shaped ass, a strong muscular posterior or a soft cushy tushy, a panty-clad bottom or a stripped bare derrière. Some butt-lovers are into anal sex, doggy-style, spanking, squeezing, licking or worshipping that fine behind. But… what about the person with the “nice” butt? Assuming all is consensual (no pinching without permission!), the bottom is truly the “seat” of human pleasure, physiologically speaking, with lots of touch-responsive nerve endings that are in deliciously close proximity to the genitalia. Since there also tends to be a fair amount of padding down there, it is not so sensitive to consensually administered pain. And yes, a lot of people have a fetish for having their own butt played with! For more about butts, see the Spanking Links above or click on Anal Sex Therapy. Feet – A kink for feet is a little less common than boobs or buns, but foot fetishists are a passionate bunch. Not that they usually come in bunches, as many are embarrassed to admit to their kink. Nevertheless, once upon a time, here at the Institute, we held fabulous Foot Fetish Salons with massage, tickling, trampling and foot bondage workshops, followed by shrimping cocktails and tequila toe shots, a few of which are featured in our classic Feet for Lovers video. For more foot fetish information, try playing footsie with these links: Ejaculate – Male and female ejaculation are normal aspects of sex and climax. Most of us enjoy orgasm, of course—though women squirting is controversial and even banned by some governments that confuse female ejaculate or amrita with urine. However, some people have an intense fetish for cum (or come). This is one kink that is probably enhanced by frequent porn-viewing—especially in terms of male orgasm or semen—as so much of straight and gay male porn focuses on the “money shot.”  In case you’re wondering why “ejaculate” is in this Body Part section, it’s because just before you shoot, your cum was part of your body.

Medical Kinks

How about “playing doctor”? Are you aroused by giving or receiving a medical exam or other “sexy nurse,” doctor or patient fantasies? These are some of the more common medical kinks, and with hospitals and health workers of all kinds looming large through the Coronapocalypse in our lives and in the media, medical fantasies are more popular—though also more taboo—than ever.  

Knowledge is power, and sexual knowledge is sexual power. 

One rather controversial type of medical kink that’s been in the news is the anesthesia or sleep fetish, an offshoot being Sleeping Beauty Syndrome, which actor Bill Cosby was convicted  of engaging in nonconsensually, though that conviction was overturned. Obviously, pharmaceutical and medical kinks like this can be extremely dangerous when pursued irresponsibly. However, kink-positive therapy and sex education can help you to enjoy them in a safe, sane, consensual manner. Exhibitionism & Voyeurism Almost everyone wants to see and/or be seen. These are the driving forces of voyeurism and exhibitionism, as well as the entire entertainment industry (not limited to porn) and social media. What does it mean to be seen? To be seen is to be immortal, if only for a moment, through the eyes of another. Triumphant. Shining like a star. Recognized. Celebrated. For that moment, you might feel you rule the world. You are an “influencer”—of billions or just one special witness to your wonderfulness. That’s the thrill of exhibitionism. What about seeing? To see is to go behind the curtain, to gain knowledge of the taboo, a taste of the apple or the delicious eye (or ear) candy, the euphoria of esoteric awareness. Knowledge is power, and sexual knowledge is sexual power. No wonder you feel so excited and even powerful when you see someone or something special that turns you on. No wonder we all can appreciate the erotic thrills of voyeurism… We may or may not call ourselves voyeurs. However, at least sometimes, all of us like to watch.

Pansexuality

Do you enjoy sex with more than one partner… maybe even at the same time? Are you drawn to threesomes, swinging, orgies, play parties, designer relationships or consensual gangbangs? Perhaps you’re not such a party animal, but you still like sexual variety, preferring polyamory, which means “many loves,” not just many lovers.

Call it communal ecstasy… like you’re at the best concert ever, plus orgasms.

Whether you’re only fantasizing or living the dream, all of these sex and relationship forms could be considered “kinky,” since they are all nonmonogamous. Most human societies around the world promote, endorse and sometimes compel “monogamy”—which has different meanings, but generally entails being sexually exclusive with one person for life—usually the person to whom you’re married. There’s nothing wrong with monogamy. In fact, for me personally and probably for most people, private couple sex is the most intimate, meaningful kind of sex there is. However, there is also something very special and truly wonderful about the “collective joy” (with a hat tip to Barbara Ehrenreich) of group sex that partner sex simply cannot duplicate. Call it communal ecstasy…like you’re at the best concert ever, plus orgasms. In a way, nonmonogamy is more natural than monogamy. That’s why so many people cheat! Bonobos, whose Latin name pan paniscus conveys their affinity for pansexuality (named for the Greek god Pan, Lord of the Wild), are our closest great ape cousins. Along with common chimpanzees (pan troglodyte), bonobos have been practicing consensual nonmonogamy for many thousands of years—at least. Moreover, the bonobo *brand* of nonmonogamy is a cornerstone of their lifestyle, since it is a vital aspect of the bonobos’ ability to make “peace through pleasure” in their communities. Do bonobos ever get jealous? Of course, they do. But love is not a zero-sum game for them, and they just have ways to work it out through sex and affections. For instance, among humans and bonobos, the best cure for a lover’s quarrel (as long as it’s not over anything serious) is kinky make-up sex. Our Great Ape nature is to share our love and lust, yet most of our strictly monogamous human societies denounce pansexuality in all its various forms, sometimes condemning it as “Satanic,” and certainly giving it that taboo quality that can turn any natural erotic feeling into a kink. Of course, I’m just scratching the surface of pansexuality here, so click on the links with the pansexual kinks that most appeal to you: Group Sex Therapy “Sex at Dawn” interview with Dr. Christopher Ryan “Ethical Slut” interview with author Janet W. Hardy American Swing Multiamory Show Designer Relationships Gangbang Sex Therapy Pansensuality Show Pan in Lupercalia 2020 Bonobo Nonmonogamy lecture Bonobo Nonmonogamy journal #GoBonobos in 2022 Cuckolding

“She’s my best friend’s girl But she used to be mine” —The Cars

Cuckolding is a special kind of pansexual kink, and the cuckold is a very special kind of kinkster.  He (though “cuckqueens” exist, the typical cuckold is a “he”) is sexually aroused by the fantasy or reality of his sexual partner—usually his wife, girlfriend, or a woman he finds attractive, often called a “hotwife”—having sex with another partner, most likely a virile, well-endowed man, called a “bull.” Cuckolding could be centered on consensual kink—which is usually best for all involved—or it could involve cheating (not recommended). Cuckold fantasies are extremely common; in part, because they are driven by a basic biological phenomenon called “Sperm Wars.” However, many cuckold fetishists feel torn and fraught with anxiety over being aroused by something so denigrated in society. Ironically, that conflict itself tends to create greater arousal. Like most kinks, it’s best to accept the desire for cuckolding, though it need not always be acted upon in real life. For more about cuckoldry, click…

More Kinks More Fun

Don’t see your particular kink or fetish listed here? Have no fear! There are many more below, and even more on our “What Can We Talk About?” page. And here’s an even more extensive List of Kinks, as well as here and here, with everything under the sun, including the sun itself, which some people with “actirasy” find arousing. See, it’s not just bikinis that turn on the beach bums.

Gender Fluid Kink

Nowadays, “gender” is a psychologically and politically freighted term. People have strong ideas about what’s right and wrong in all shades of the gender spectrum (who you are)—as well as in terms of sexual orientation (who you like)—and some are fighting hard for their ideas to gain or maintain acceptance. There’s a lot at stake. Adding erotic fuel to the gender fires, arousal isn’t always politically correct. In fact, it’s often unintentionally the opposite of what you believe is “right,” as part of the excitement of kink lies in its taboo nature and shock value. True transgender people aren’t necessarily kinky, and their transition isn’t a kink; it’s their life.  

Some call it "the best of both worlds."

On the other hand, there are many folks of all genders who enjoy crossdressing or sissification just for the kink of it. For some, especially the sissies, the more politically incorrect, the kinkier! On the other side of the equation, there are many folks who have a kink or fetish for lovers who are transgender. Something about the combination of so-called male and female characteristics drives some sexually people wild. It’s more popular than you might think, since many trans admirers are embarrassed to talk about it. It may be politically incorrect to say, but some call it “the best of both worlds.” Need to talk privately about your trans interests, desires, problems or fantasies? Call our Therapists Without Borders anytime at 213.291.9497. We're here for you.

Kink in Nature

Humans aren’t the only kinky creatures on the planet. In fact, I often call bonobos the “kinkiest apes on Earth” as they enjoy many of the kinks I’ve described here. That is, they engage in a variety of consensual erotic behaviors that are not for procreation purposes, or really any *purpose* other than pleasure. Keep in mind that pleasure is a very important, worthy purpose, especially in Bonoboville. That simple exchange of kinky pleasures makes bonobos the Most Peaceful Apes on Earth, never seen killing each other in the wild or captivity. Kink is also the basis for bonobo bisexuality, ecosexuality, bonobo female empowerment, male well-being and bonobos’ penchant for sharing, making them the Most Socialist Apes on Earth, as well. Does that mean if humans were kinkier, we’d be more peaceful, female-empowered, male-nurturing and egalitarian? Does being consensually kinky mean valuing lust over greed?  I certainly think so, and that’s one of the principles of “releasing your inner bonobo” through practicing The Bonobo Way. Humans and bonobos aren’t the only ones. Many nonhuman animals indulge in kinky activities. Haven’t you ever had a dog hump your leg? I’m not trying to encourage bestiality (on the contrary), so hold your horses on that notion (then again, Adam Driver as a centaur is pretty hot). I just want you to rest assured that, in general, your kinks are perfectly natural, and we perverted humans aren’t the only kinksters-in-residence on this planet. Most of nature is quite kinky. It’s the dirty—as in polluting—aspects of humanity that are the problem… not our kinkiness! Pro Tip: Just because kink is as natural as any kind of sex doesn't make it good. If you want kink--or any kind of sex--to be good, you have to learn a thing or too. But then, that's why you're reading this! Kink and Culture Though the rest of nature is at least as kinky as we are, over the millennia, we humans have put our unique anthropocene spin on kink through our culture, art, architecture, technology and politics. It's difficult to say just where erotica ends and "regular" art begins—especially “in the beginning.”  Arguably, the first form of human performance art may well have been kinky dancing. The oldest sculpted art piece in the world, the Venus of Willendorf (24,00-22,00 B.C.E.)—big breasts, belly, hair and a distinct vulva, but no face—is pretty kinky. Is it goddess worship or prehistoric objectification or both? Some have even called it a sex toy. Heresy? Hardly. Many of the most respected artists in history, now enshrined in our most honored museums, including the Vatican (hello kinky Michelangelo), were considered kinky in their day. Revolutionary art like Picasso’s Cubist Demoiselles of the brothel—as well as fascist, state sanctioned art, like Leni Riefenstahl’s Triumph of the Will—can be considered kinky, twists and bends in the ropes of tradition that shock and disturb some people, while arousing and inspiring others, and sometimes shocking and arousing at the same time. Of course, kinks of all kinds can be found in popular music. From the Beatles to Marvin Gaye, Prince, MJ, Depeche Mode, Sade, Cardi B, Lil Nas X and the list goes on, musicians have thrived on kink. And let’s not forget our favorite kinky song, inspired by the Bonobo Way, that you often hear during kinky scenes on DrSuzy.Tv, Carmina Formosa’s “The Kinkster.” Special mention goes to that great British Invasion band of the 1970s, The Kinks, whose name is the same as this article and whose hit song “Lola,” about a comic-romantic encounter with a crossdresser, would now be considered politically incorrect but back then, was revolutionary, wry and very kink-positive.    Kinky Fashion

“It will make or break him so he’s a got to buy the best cause he’s a Dedicated Follower of Fashion” —The Kinks

Kink is a huge part of fashion, from the boudoir to the Met Gala to the street. One of the most popular categories of fetish clothing is “intimate” wear, including lingerie, stockings or pantyhose, panties, high heels, boots, corsets and more. However, any type of fashion can be kinky, such as a latex catsuit, a cowboy hat, a bikini, a nun’s habit, superhero costume—whatever gets you off when you put it on. The late great Bettie Page was the 1950s icon of fashion kink, an influencer long before there were influencers, setting the tone for many generations to come. Check out my extremely rare 1996 interview with the incomparable Bettie Page. Sultry Dita Von Teese, who attended our Bettie Page interview when she was just 19 and who did another interview on DrSuzy.Tv while engaged to the ultra-kinky and controversial rock star, Marilyn Manson, is another paragon of kink fashion. Texture is as important as style, popular choices being leather (deliciously animalistic, but politically incorrect for animal rights sympathizers), lace (somewhat see-through and oh, so romantic), latex (gives you that slinky second-skin feeling) or nylon (divinely stretchy, semitransparent and nostalgic). Uniforms are often considered kinky, including military (all branches, but especially sailors), school, athletic, police, firefighter, nurse and the uniformed fashion kinks march on. Conveying eroticism, beauty, horror, mystery and mastery, as well as concealing the mask wearer’s identity, the mask has been an important part of kinky fashion… since there were masks (going back at least 9,000 years)! One could say, in a way, masks have always been kinky—twisting and turning the features of the human face to obscure one’s identity or for dramatic effect. As of this writing, with the Coronapocalypse still raging off and on, masks are also protective (as they were against various plagues throughout history). Learn more about kinky, sexy masks in “Masks Are Sexy.” Some fashion isn’t so obviously kinky—like business suits, chef’s aprons or skating skirts—but kinksters-in-the-know just know. Very often, kinky clothing connects to another kink, such as adult baby diapers connect to golden showers and mommy fantasies. As in all types of fashion, there are trendsetters. Celebrities contribute a lot to kinky fashion, though they also copy it, from Madonna to Rihanna, Lady Gaga, Cardi B, Miley Cyrus, Kanye, Beyonce and so many more, serviced by subtly (or not so subtly) kinky high-fashion designers like Thierry Mugler, Alexander McQueen and Versace, influenced by underground sex workers, Goth gals and Dominatrices. Sometimes, kinky celebrity fashion goes beyond boots and masks into kinky emotional territory. As I write this, Kanye West is now the world's most famous cuckold. Obviously, watching his ex-wife Kim Kardashian dating Pete Davidson is agony for Ye. But as he actively milks it for all it's worth, blasting his public disgrace all over social and mainstream media, he also appears to be in the throes of a kind of celebrity cuckold's ecstasy.

Literary Kink

One of the best, most sapiosexual ways to get yourself and/or your partner into a kinky mood is to read something stimulating. But what? You might be surprised to find that some of the best kinky erotica is in the Bible. Yes indeed, Brothers and Sisters, Lovers and Sinners, sing Hallelujah and open your Old Testament to the Song of Songs and the Book of Esther, both surprisingly sex-positive. For sex-negative kink, consider hanging with the guys in Sodom and Gomorrah. Anaïs Nin’s Delta of Venus is classic early 20th century erotica, much of it kinky, which the great diarist wrote during the Great Depression for a dollar a page. More emotional and subtly kinky are her famous diaries; read them unexpurgated. Some of the finest, most taboo, profoundly eloquent and absolutely riveting, literary kink is in the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy (no relation to Bill Cosby’s sleep fetish!) beginning with The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty, written by the great Anne Rice (who just passed away) under the kinky pen name of A.N. Roquelaure. Many years ago, before the Interview with the Vampire author got mega-famous, I had the honor of interviewing her for an article I was writing for the San Francisco Bay Guardian about "interesting couples." Anne’s intensely romantic relationship with her husband, Stan Rice, whom she’d met in high school (and who happened to be my English professor and chairman of the San Francisco State University Master’s degree program), was certainly "interesting." Though the great author was much more conservative than hippie me, I was very impressed by Anne’s deep love for Stan, as well as her sparkling brilliance, wit, gothic horror stories, and her signature *kinky nun* look—high-collared white lace blouse and black maxi-skirt that matched her bangs crowning her cascades of jet-black hair. A couple years later, when I was just learning about BDSM, a more experienced kinkster turned me on to Anne’s Beauty books, and I was blown away.  A woman of many literary facets, Anne also wrote the famous erotic novel Exit to Eden under the pen name Anne Rampling, though that didn’t have the impact (for me) of her penetrating, no-holds-barred, no topics-off-limits Beauty books. As I reflect upon Anne's death (12.11.2021), I feel her Thanatos-enraptured spirit has come home. I also realize that Anne Rice opened an erotic dungeon door for me with her kinky Beauty.  Indeed, Anne and Stan Rice were my role models for a very special kind of wild, creative, romantic but enduring, and rather kinky love, inspiring my own marriage to Capt’n Max. I’d also recommend the excellent kinky erotica of a few of my favorite DrSuzy.Tv guests: Stan Kent (on Urban Erotica, Pyrophilic Bday Spanking Gangbang, Spring Showers and more) tells a captivating tale of British boarding school impact play, Caning Able, that will make you laugh as it turns you on, and Eden Baylee (on Female Masturbation Education) explores intimate seasonal kink in Spring into Summer. Rachel Kramer Bussel (on Shameless Erotica and Daddy Please!) has penned and edited many great kink books, including Anything for You: Erotica for Kinky Couples, an excellent kink primer for an adventurous duo. Most of Rachel’s marvelous books and anthologies are released by Cleis Press, a major publisher of great kinky erotica and how-to books. I’ll also mention one kinky mega-bestseller that I didn’t particularly like: 50 Shades of Grey. Due to a confluence of forces, this ultra-poorly written trilogy managed to generate a huge and passionate interest in kink from typically kink-ignorant, conservative, sex-negative and fairly sex-starved, suburban matrons. Despite—or maybe because—it’s so poorly written, it struck a nerve that showed the world at least one, very important, widely overlooked phenomenon: the most unlikely women crave kink. Need more? Read more… 55 Most Erotic Books Click for Some of Rachel’s Picks  

Cinematic Kink

Films are filled with kink, whether the filmmakers intend for them to be kinky or not. It can be good or bad, light or dark, kink-positive or very negative, and your feelings about it have everything to do with you, your tastes and your desires. Of course, kink is very popular in porn—to the point you often can’t tell where the porn ends, and the kink begins. The fact that most modern human societies offer very little in the way of explicit sex education leaves pornography as virtually the only alternative. These days, porn is so ubiquitous, it has almost as much effect on our sexuality—positive and negative—as friends, family members and role models. Thus, many people blame what they have been told is their porn “addiction” for their more controversial kinky desires. Porn might enhance or refine your desire for certain types of kink, but it is hardly ever the root reason you feel that desire. We can also find plenty of kink in mainstream movies where it is often presented in a negative, misinformed light, but occasionally it is handled with care, sensitivity, humor, wisdom, great artistry and intense eroticism. Here are just a few select films and TV shows that feature kink(s). Some link to trailers, and others to the entire film. This list is by no means comprehensive or even a “best of,” just a jumping off point for your kinky film-watching endeavors.  I’d lustily recommend all these movies and many more, but unsurprisingly, I can’t recommend 50 Shades of Grey (2015) any more than the badly written book of the same name… though the slickly produced, rather bland film did introduce some aspects of kink—and, unfortunately, a lot of misinformation about kink relationships—to millions of mostly fresh eyeballs. That film factoid in and of itself is kinky.

Culinary Kink

Food and sex are two of the most basic, universally needed elements of life. Combine them, and it's kinky! Here in Bonoboville, splosh is one of our favorite kinks. Check out Dr. Susan Block's Speakeasy Journal of Splosh 'n' Art featuring Daniele Watts, Chef Belive and a big yummy, kinky mess.

Kink and Fantasy

“There is no limit to imagination I’m into every type of stimulation Getting kinky is an excitation I gotta have that kink!” —Carmina Formosa

Fantasy may be reality’s much-maligned stepsibling, but it is a huge part of human consciousness. For better and for worse (mostly worse these days), many people live in fantasy more than reality. Kinky, vanilla or a multi-flavored combo, your sexuality is fueled by three basic types of fantasy. There are… 1) Fantasies of your past, aka your memories filtered through time… 2) Fantasies of your future, aka your hopes and dreams, and… 3) “Pure” fantasies—wild reveries that never happened and that you never really want to have happen—but which haunt and stimulate you like a kinky parallel universe. Kinky fantasies rise and fall like waves rippling through your brain—regardless of whether you want them to or not. You may be able to control your actions, including your speech, but you can't control your thoughts. So don't make like the "thought police" and bust yourself for your kinky fantasies You might be able to force yourself to think or not think about a particular subject for a while, perhaps via distracting yourself with something else. You could try not to watch porn. As many experts advise, you could watch a cooking show, go for a walk, do yoga, call a friend, get into gardening, read a book, volunteer at a soup kitchen or maybe go to Church instead. All of that sounds good, but is any of it really a substitute for sexual fantasy (unless you’re sitting there in the pews fantasizing about your smoking hot minister)? Sooner or later, you will find your mind wandering back to whatever is playing in the Erotic Theater of Your Mind… which could well be that troublesome fantasy, whatever it might be. Fantasy is not reality; often it's the opposite. However, sometimes a troublesome fantasy indicates a real-life problem that should be addressed. But what if you feel you can’t talk about it with anyone in your life? Maybe not even with your spouse. Maybe especially not your spouse. Or what if you’ve tried, but they’re not interested—or what if they lashed out at you? If that’s your situation, you might consider talking with a therapist, someone who won’t judge you and who might be able to help you make sense of your feelings, as well as realize you're not alone. Though kinky fantasies can be problematic, they can also provide hidden mental health benefits, killing the pain of trauma and fear with arousal.  Think about it: If erotic fantasies never played in your mind’s multiplex, then your inner horror movies—or just the constant awareness of your own anxiety—could give you a heart attack! So, be grateful for your kinky fantasies; they are gifts! Just as your dreams can help you to cope with your real-life problems, so can your fantasies, though they tend to do so when you’re awake. Your kinky fantasies can also be keys that unlock the doors of your repressed personal history. Sexual fantasies and erotic dreams, especially when accompanied by orgasm and perspective (not necessarily in that order), can help to release the stress and trauma of past abuse, bullying, sickness and suffering. They can also help you relive good sexual memories. However, your fantasies aren’t just about your past. They can also prepare you for the future. Fantasies can be hazy or detailed rehearsals in the erotic theater of the mind for sexual acts you haven’t yet experienced.

Kink is international, non-denominational, and even beyond human; remember, Mother Nature is a kinky MILF.

Your sexual fantasies evolve and change as you do. If they are troublesome in any way, it might be helpful to share them with a sex therapist who can help you to put them in perspective—through discussion, kink-positive roleplay, sexual psychodrama, hypnosis and other techniques—reducing their negative power over you. For various reasons, many people struggle against their own fantasies. However, fighting fantasies is like fighting ghosts… they’re slippery creatures! Rather than fighting a losing battle, I suggest you find ways to “make friends” with your fantasies— including the kinky ones. You may not want to act out all your kinky fantasies in real life—and you probably shouldn’t—but you can accept them as very personalized gifts from the Erotic Theater of your Mind, and use them to release stress and come to terms with the many layers of your sexuality. You might want to explore them over the phone where you can close your eyes and enter the Erotic Theater of the Mind without worrying what you or the person on the other end of the phone looks like or what you're really doing. Then you can explore your kinks together on the dark fertile ground of your imaginations.

Kink & Politics

Politics and kink have long been intertwined, at least since Caligula made his horse a senator. And then there was Napoleon’s message to his beloved Cougar Josephine: “I’m coming home. Don’t wash.” The great Bonaparte apparently had a kink for strong, natural, feminine aromas. In fact, the relationship between kink and politics is much older than that. We can trace its origins to the earliest expressions of religion which, as a general, almost universal rule, tends to ritualistically mix kink with politics, even while solemnly condemning kink as sinful. Sound confusing? Consider the first book of the Old Testament which has “the Lord,” a supremely sadistic voyeur with a penchant for painful punishments, punishing His naughty children, Adam and Eve, for cavorting with His forbidden phallic Snake and biting into His delicious taboo apples that then magically make them feel both horny and ashamed. Then they have sex and cover their nakedness with those fetishistic fig leaves, ruining God’s Original All-Nude All-the-Time Floor Show. Looking at the Judeo-Christian human origin story this way—which may be kind of funny, but isn’t such a stretch—you could say that all of humanity’s kinky desires stem from God the Father’s original, unreasonable and eternal abuse of His Children (us). No wonder we have a chronic epidemic of sexual harm inflicted upon the young by the clergy… who are, at least in the Catholic faith, expected to be celibate. Talk about kinky—as in twisted! From the Biblical to the historical, kink has always been political. As the sapiosexual folks at Karada House say, “Kink does not exist in a vacuum… it cannot be separated from politics, history and lived experiences.” That doesn’t necessarily make kink more or less liberal or conservative, Democratic, Republican, Libertarian or Socialist. It doesn’t make kink Abrahamic, Asiatic or atheistic. Kink is international, non-denominational, and even beyond human; remember, Mother Nature is a kinky MILF. Good kink is a little more narrowly defined, being, above all, consensual. However, many consensual kink activities are based on nonconsensual forms of domination, torture, gender debasement and trauma practiced by various political and religious groups and individuals. For example, floggers, whips and canes have been used—and are still used—to nonconsensually punish, coerce, hurt, intimidate and dehumanize real prisoners, slaves and nonbelievers. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t thoroughly enjoy a consensual flogging; of course, you should! However, awareness of an item or activity’s political history adds an important layer of meaning to your kink experience. At the turn of the 20th century, kink rose to the forefront of politics with the kink-weaponized Starr Report, featuring sex that’s “not sex”—which is actually a great definition for kink!—including teasing, phone sex, oral, a cigar, DNA on a dress and the lasciviously detailed, Puritanically-driven impeachment of President Billy Jeff Clinton. Some political activists use kink to entice an audience and make a point. For instance, a topless FEMEN protestor, with the words “God is a Woman” written on her bare chest, grabbed the baby Jesus from the Saint Peter’s Square Nativity scene before a Vatican cop stopped her, inadvertently becoming a player in her kinky political theater scene.

Kink and sex in general can be a leaky business, especially when combined with politics, so one should always be prepared to either plug that leak or go with the flow.

Another great example is my longtime friend and DrSuzy.Tv guest, Mistress Tara Indiana, who ran for President in 2016 on the Female Supremacy Party ticket, promising to “whip America back into shape, one middle-aged white man at a time.” When she lost that election to Trump, Mistress Tara formed a FemDom collective called “Dominatrixes Against Donald trump” (D.A.D.), aka “Women Who Pee Standing,” to “highlight the hypocrisy, injustice and double standard that’s applied to sex workers and the politicians that hire them. A Dominatrix who pees on Trump can be sent to jail, while Trump can pay to be peed on and he gets to be President.” D.A.D. did a very kinky political performance art piece on DrSuzy.Tv, spanking and humiliating a Trump surrogate, forcing him onto his knees to take it from behind and then onto his back where several of us squatted over him to give him the golden showers referenced by the Steele Dossier. I ran my own kinky U.S. Presidential campaign back in 1992 (on the Block Party ticket, of course) and was Vice Presidential running mate to the late great kinky political poet Frank Moore’s 2008 U.S. Presidential Campaign. Much of my own writing combines kink and politics, especially my post-911 Terror Journals and other Counterpunch articles. Obviously, I’m very open about my own kinks, but most people prefer to keep their kinks private, and I strongly believe in the right to that privacy.  However… what can you do if and when your secret kinks are leaked by a political rival in the middle of your election campaign? You could lie and deny like Trump, or maybe tell the truth, like Manhattan City Council candidate Zack Weiner who bravely copped to his kink. It may have cost him the election (though he was already behind… so to speak), but fellow kinksters—many of whom are also voters—will always honor his honesty. Kink and sex in general can be a leaky business, especially when combined with politics, so one should always be prepared to either plug that leak or go with the flow.

Kink, Trauma and Pathology

Trauma and kink might seem to be diametrically opposed, but they are very much related, as we discussed in our fantasy section. Trauma can contribute to a desire for kink, and caring consensual kink can help to heal past traumas. First, to be clear, being kinky itself is not a sign of trauma, nor does enjoying fetishes or BDSM imply a pathology or psychological disorder. A Journal of Sexual Medicine study of the Psychological Characteristics of BDSM Practitioners concluded that “BDSM may be thought of as a recreational leisure, rather than the expression of psychopathological processes.” “Though mental health providers have historically pathologized kinky behavior as ‘Sexual Sadism and Sexual Masochism Disorders,’” according to the Gender and Sexuality Therapy Center’s Healing From Sexual Trauma Through Kink, “there is research that shows people who practice BDSM are less neurotic, more extroverted, more open to new experiences, more conscientious, less rejection sensitive, and have higher subjective well-being than non-kinky people. A similar U.S. study found BDSM-identified couples reported less stress as well as increased intimacy following play.” Over the years, many kink-positive sexologists have helped to slowly remove the stigma of pathology attached to BDSM and other fetishes, but Charles A. Moser, MD, PhD, stands out. Dr. Moser’s “research on kink and his contribution of over 100 scholarly articles over 45 years, most on alternative sexualities, created an evidence-based conversation in psychiatry that coincided with the social changes that have made de-pathologizing kink an intellectually credible effort,” writes Russell Stambaugh, an award-winning sexologist and clinical psychologist who has also made significant contributions to the study and normalization of kink. Though kink itself is not pathological, the desire for kink is sometimes tied to childhood abuse, early illnesses and accidents, relationship issues, problematic family dynamics, domestic violence, humiliation, schoolyard bullying and other forms of trauma. These kink-fueling traumatic events often occur in childhood when we are most vulnerable and impressionable, but you can also contract PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) leading to kinky desires from being involved in war, occupation, poverty, inequities, climate catastrophe, the pandemic and more. In this crazy, mixed up, “civilized” world, many are trauma survivors, and some of us are kinksters. Some of us even utilize our kinks to heal the pain of trauma, transforming it into erotic pleasure, restoration and inspiration. To learn more about the many fascinating intersections of trauma, kink and therapy, check out Trauma Shrink and FemDom Kink, or just continue reading.

Kink Therapy

Since kink is not usually pathological (well, not unless you’re Jeffrey Dahmer), can it be therapeutic? Can practicing consensual kink actually help to heal trauma? In a way, this entire article is about the therapeutic benefits of kink. The science behind kink therapy is rarely discussed due to the traditional sexual squeamishness of Western medicine, particularly as practiced in the good old Puritanical U.S.A. Yet the evidence is clear. Biochemically speaking, we know that pleasure is a painkiller (see above). When your kinky psyche associates arousal with the experience of consensual, expected pain (no sucker-punches please!), endorphins rush into your bloodstream, and the pleasure—or even just the anticipation of pleasure—helps you to handle the pain… at least to a point. When arousal is in the driver’s seat and pleasure is riding shotgun, then pain—both physical and psychological—is forced to take a backseat. In fact, a little bit of consensual pain—or maybe a lot (if you’re a “pain slut”)—tends to heighten the pleasure.  Spanking and other forms of impact play are especially effective, cathartic forms of therapy, as Russian studies have shown, along with our own anecdotal research conducted here at the Block Institute. Why would someone who was beaten as a child find it healing to be spanked as an adult? The bottom line is consent. A child cannot and likely would not consent to being beaten. But the consenting adult might find that a structured spanking with clear boundaries from someone for whom they feel both lust and trust gives them a cathartic, therapeutic release they can’t get from just talking about it. Kink can heal the body and mind in a multitude of manners—from relieving stress to building confidence, dissipating depression, reducing painful shyness and working through past trauma. However, it’s important to note that involvement in kink can also create its own trauma, even among consenting adults, as we’ve seen in recent news stories about celebrity kinksters stepping over the line and into abuse. Best to tread lightly and take it slow, using—and respecting— “safe words,” as you go.

Kink-Positive Therapists Without Borders

“That Puritanical shame still prevails Cause when the Puritans came all they built were jails. But we’re living in a modern society And we can all afford to be a bit more kinky.” —Rose Kelso

As kink becomes increasingly accepted into the mainstream, more and more forms of therapy are emerging that address it in a healthy way. Kink-positive sex therapy can help individuals deconstruct their past traumas, learn to identify and explore ways to release fears and feelings of shame, as well as truly embrace their always-evolving sexuality. Whether you need serious psychotherapy to investigate the origins of your kink(s) and/or the best way to handle them or you’d prefer to just enjoy a fun kinky fantasy roleplay—or a combination—our kink-positive Therapists Without Borders here at the Dr. Susan Block Institute are some of the best in the world. You can experience your kink therapy session via webcam, phone or text anytime you like 24 hours a day. In-person sessions are also available, though our physical facility is temporarily closed due to pandemic concerns. However, we are always open to talk with you! Need to talk about a kink that you can’t talk about anywhere else? You can talk to us. Call anytime: 213.291.9497. We’re here for YOU… and your kink(s).

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© February 7. 2022 Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 626-461-5950. Editorial Assistance on this article provided by Adriana Gomez-Weston and Crysta Swindell.   Read More
Therapists Comments Off on Therapists

Sex Therapists at The Dr. Susan Block Institute

In keeping with The Bonobo Way, our eclectic and sex-positive evolutionary approach to life and sex therapy, since 1991, our therapists specialize in a wide variety of expertise and special interests.

From sexologists with Ph.D.'s like Dr. Block to tantric sex practitioners, registered nurses, adult film stars, artists, actors, schoolteachers, masseuses, sex toy specialists, bondage riggers, Dominatrices, ballerinas, erotic hypnotherapists, and, of course, regular guys and girls-next-door, we're here to help you.

To speak with the therapist of your choice, please call us (we're here 24/7!) at 213.291.9497.

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[su_box title=""] For Your Information: The Dr. Susan Block Institute has been helping people with questions about sexual issues, problems and pleasures for over 30 years. Our video and phone therapists are from all walks of life. They are not medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists nor are they licensed. They provide you with expertise and many years of experience on various subjects using the most effective methods of instruction and guidance via sex therapy over your private phone and video instructions via internet connection worldwide. Under the tutelage of the Dr. Susan Block Institute, our therapists study sexuality, anatomy, relationship counseling, stress reduction, conflict resolution, roleplay, erotic hypnosis and the Bonobo Way of peace through pleasure. They give advice based on their studies with the Institute, as well as their outside learning and life experience. Dr. Susan Block, the founder and director of the Institute, has a BA from Yale University, two PhD’s in sexuality and in philosophy with a major in psychology (read more about her academic and professional background here), and is the best-selling author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure, as well as hundreds of articles, papers and is a major contributor to the Wiley-Blackwell Encyclopedia of Human Sexuality. She has been providing therapy in person and through other media for individuals, couples and groups for over 35 years. A member of AASECT (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors & Therapists) and popular lecturer there for many years, Dr. Block decided not to accept AASECT certification because it would limit her ability to help her clients. If needed, the Institute can refer you to medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, other specialists and crisis centers. Roxanne Milner Administrative Director The Dr. Susan Block Institute The Susan Marilyn Block Foundation a California non-profit organization [/su_box] [su_box style="contact-callbox" title="The Dr. Susan Block Institute Established 1991"]

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COUGAR SEXUALITY Comments Off on COUGAR SEXUALITY

Dedicated to all the great Cougars of history and mythology who remind us that "mature" can be sexy, if we want it to be.

by Dr. Susan Block. Do you like older women? Actually, do you just love older women? Have you ever been intimate with a sexy, experienced female who happens to be a year or two—or maybe a couple of decades—older than you? Have you thought about it? Have you ever fantasized about your sultry history teacher, a celebrity influencer or maybe that beautiful, sophisticated politician on TV? Or did your doctor give you some additional symptoms? If you feel this way, you’re not alone. You just want to get with a Cougar. Then again, maybe you are a Cougar, or you’d like to be one… What's a “Cougar” First, let’s define our terms.  What do we mean by "Cougar"? No, we’re not talking about the wildcat. Though, it’s understandable if you’re fascinated by these majestic feline animals. Like pumas or panthers, American wildcat cougars are big, beautiful, powerful pussies who could possibly eat you alive, if they’re hungry. A human “Cougar” is a hot older woman who enjoys younger men—or women, or anyone else for that matter. The Cougar deliberately seeks out younger lovers for relationships and casual encounters, often acting as a sexual guide or teacher, based on her greater erotic experience. Urban Dictionary defines a human Cougar as “an ‘older,’ experienced woman who happens to find herself in a sexual relationship (committed or not) with a younger man. She is not necessarily a slut, nor is she desperate. She offers sexual expertise and is open to new experiences…Though older, she may actually look younger than her ‘hook-up.’ She is attractive, confident, and just wants to have fun. She will not attempt to trap her mate into marriage, children or even an exclusive relationship. She is not interested in drama or games, as that would interfere with the pleasure she enjoys.” That’s a good definition of the ideal Cougar. Not all are quite so superlative. Some are “desperate.”  Some “play games.” Cougars are human too—despite their formidable feline powers.

Just like in the wild, even the fiercest Cougar adores her playful cubs.

    Nevertheless, they can be the most fabulous creatures on earth! MILF vs. Cougar Is a Cougar a MILF? Not necessarily. While a Cougar can be a MILF (Mother I’d Like to F*ck), a MILF is not always a Cougar. However, the two are often closely associated, and a woman can sometimes be both a MILF and a Cougar. Stifler’s Mom in American Pie comes to mind, or the notorious Mrs. Robinson in The Graduate. “Are you trying to seduce me, Mrs. Robinson?” In sexual parlance, the MILF serves as an object of desire. Her feelings are not as significant to her “MILF” status as the fact that she is a mother, and her sex appeal—her body, her style, that *look* she gives you when she asks you to mow her lawn. She herself may or may not be interested in sex; what makes her a MILF is that she looks and/or sounds sexy. Technically, the Virgin Mary could be a MILF, if you’re turned on by halos. Also, a MILF can be any age, older or younger than the MILF lover. Cougars, on the other hand, are always older than their lovers. They also are, by definition, very interested in sex. Cougars deliberately seek out erotic encounters and relationships with younger partners. When they find someone they want, they might well pounce… like a cougar. Cougars can be MILFs, but some are child-free.  The significant factor that separates the Cougars from the MILFs—or anyone else—is their profound desire, coupled with confidence. This is partly biological, as women tend to reach their sexual “prime” in their late thirties—mid-forties, which is also prime Cougar time. But not every woman 35-45 is a Cougar. That takes a special kind of prowess. Not only do you have to be sexy enough to attract younger lovers, bold enough to approach them and energetic enough to keep up with them, you also have to handle rejection gracefully. No matter how irresistible your magic mirror says you are, not every potential young lover wants to be your cub. Though you can comfort and re-energize yourself with the knowledge that there are plenty out there who do. Is a Cougar a "Hot Wife"? Possibly, but not necessarily. If she's married, perhaps to an older man who can't keep up with her sexually, she might cuckold him with a young cub (with or without his knowledge), and then she'd be a Hot Wife. But Cougars can also be single, polyamorous or some category of their own ingenious invention. Are YOU a Cougar? Do you prefer younger lovers? Do you feel younger than your chronological age? Is great sex important to you? Is it more important than what other people think? Have you noticed partners your own age just can’t keep up with you—in bed, on the dance floor, in the great outdoors or anywhere? Are you a sexually experienced woman unashamed of your “past,” but excited to share what you’ve learned with others? Are you unafraid to pursue what you want? Can you handle the “no” word? Can you take a joke? Are you fairly independent? Those wildcat cougars tend to be solitary creatures that mostly socialize when they seek a mate. Human Cougars aren’t antisocial—not at all—but they do tend to be self-reliant. Can you relate (at least sometimes) to current youth culture and music? Would you be comfortable with paying for dates and other things? If they were worth it, would you be someone’s “Sugar Mama”? Are you young at heart and open for adventures you can’t even imagine? If your answer is “yes” to half those questions, you’re a Cougar! Or, you could say, you’re “Cougar Sexual.” Or maybe “Cougarsexual.”  Kind of like “pansexual” or “sapiosexual,” but with the focus on the mature female (of any gender, really; I know some feminine—but not trans—gay men who consider themselves Cougars) who take younger lovers.

Little did young Massimo know he had entered the den of a Cougar and her cubs, but soon enough, he became her favorite.

Warning: When I say “younger,” I’m not talking under-age, of course. No jailbait please!  Obviously, that’s illegal, unethical and all kinds of wrong. All “cubs” must be over 18. If you’re not sure, ask to see an ID… before you’re in bed. Seriously, you can’t be too careful. When in doubt, bow out. Cougarsexuality is more socially acceptable than ever in civilized history, but with equal opportunity comes equal responsibility. Irresponsible Cougars who are caught going after underage teen students are being prosecuted and receiving hefty prison terms. They also have the words “sex offender” stamped on their record like a modern day “Scarlet Letter.” It’s not just about age, it’s also about consent. You’re a human Cougar, not a ravenous mountain cat, so make sure your *prey* is at least somewhat interested before you pounce. One of the Cougar’s most appealing qualities is that she tends to take the lead. A lot of people love to be chased by attractive pursuers, men included—especially men, as men are so rarely chased! Nevertheless, don’t take the so-called *predator* role of real cougars as your model. And no pouncing on actual students or patients of yours, dear teachers, professors and fellow doctors! Though roleplay can be a fantastic way to fulfill these common but taboo sexual fantasies. This might sound like a lot of restrictions for a human wildcat. Nevertheless, the world can be your proverbial oyster if the object of your desire is of legal age, doesn’t involve “exploitation” of your professional position and isn’t your best friend’s son… well, maybe your best friend’s son (if over 18) would be okay. Then again, probably not. Choose wisely, Madame Mountain Cat! Are You a Cub? No, I'm not talking about Chicago baseball, though you might be playing a game that involves your bat and balls. Basically, if you’re attracted to Cougars, you're a “cub,” the older cat’s younger, playful, adorable companion. Of course, the actual wildcat’s cub is her own offspring, while a human Cougar isn’t her cub’s real mother... at least not usually, though it’s a common fantasy, as evidenced by the extreme popularity of my friend Kay Parker (who played the Mom, Barbara Scott, in the notorious film Taboo). Cubs can be male, female, trans or gender-fluid. However, most of the time, cubs are men, though they might feel and act like boys—or “boy toys”—around their Cougar. In terms of kink, a cub could be dominant or submissive to his Cougar. Unless the cub is a very low-level slave to a Cougar Domme, the erotic feelings tend to be mutual. Just like in the wild, even the fiercest Cougar adores her playful cubs. Most sexual fetishes and preferences stick with you for a lifetime, but for many people, desiring a Cougar or cub could be a temporary phase.  For instance, a man might prefer Cougars in his teens and twenties, but then settle down in his thirties to have a family with a woman his own age or younger. A woman might marry an older man; then after she's widowed or divorced, she could come out as a Cougar.  She might stay a Cougar the rest of her life or, after a few flings with cubs, go back to being with older guys. The fact that wanting or being a Cougar or cub is often a temporary phase isn't, in and of itself, a good or bad thing. However, it's something to keep in mind when one of you seems to be more serious about a long-term relationship than the other. Why Cougars Attract Cubs The most popular Cougar quality is her sexual experience and the fact that the cub can learn from that experience. Many young men are unsure about what to do to please a woman, as well as how to stay hard, bring up a fetish or fantasy, try new positions, or just relax and enjoy themselves, and a good Cougar can help them with all of that. They can also be embarrassed to tell a woman what arouses them. A good Cougar can draw them out and, thanks to her experience, she tends to have a good idea of what positions, techniques, fantasies and “dirty talk” turn her partners—and her—on. A sexual relationship with an experienced Cougar can be like enrolling in a college of carnal knowledge where you’re majoring in your sexuality. You can *be yourself* with your Cougar, as she isn’t so easily shocked, though, like any teacher, she usually demands respect from her student. My husband Max (Massimo in Italian) often says he was "raised" by Cougars. He was first approached by a beautiful older woman when he was a very handsome but rather shy teenager hanging out on the beach in Genoa, Italy. In her late thirties (twice his age!), Angelina took young Massimo to her palatial cabana where dozens of other young men were lounging around, drinking and smoking. Little did young Massimo know he had entered the den of a Cougar and her cubs, but soon enough, he became her favorite. Alas for Angelina, things change quickly in the life of a cub, and within a few weeks, young Massimo was onto Cougar #2. Myria Selva, renowned Italian actress, seduced him while he was waiting on her table at the restaurant by the Eleanora Duce State Theater where she was starring in a play. Later, Myria got Massimo a part in that play, he moved in with her and her two chihuahuas, and the young cub learned everything his Cougar could teach him about sex, romance, women and the theater. Myria passed away in 2013, but I know she will live forever in Massimo’s heart as that remarkable older woman who guided him onto a path of joyous sexuality, feminine beauty, fantastic theater and great erotic art. Besides sexual maturity, a Cougar’s experience often brings emotional maturity, almost always a bonus in an adult relationship. A Cougar’s sexual confidence is one of her most alluring qualities. Cougars tend to be independent and not as needy as young drama queens, nor are they as likely to exact revenge if things don’t work out.   Ben Franklin Loved Cougars! Don’t just take my word for it. Ask America’s greatest Founding Father, Benjamin Franklin who, in Advice to a Young Man on the Choice of a Mistress), gives several reasons why more mature women make better lovers than younger ones. Some of these “reasons” are rather sexist and dated, but others are timeless, like: “Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor'd with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable.” “Because thro' more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion.” “Lastly, they are so grateful!” Ben goes on at greater length, with flourish. According to historic accounts, he really did like Cougars (especially the European *breed*) and is rumored to have had affairs with several and probably could have written The Cougar Almanac for Young American Cubs at Home and Abroad. Cougar Problems Of course, not all Cougars are wonderful, discreet, experienced, ideal sex teachers. After all, as Capt’n Max often says, the ideal is the enemy of the real. A Cougar could be inexperienced; perhaps trapped in a sexless marriage for 20 years before she makes a break and finds a younger lover. A Cougar could be immature, mean and rather ungrateful. Rich widow Cougars are more likely to be that way… but they make up for it—sometimes—by financing your wardrobe, meals and art projects. For any rule, there are always exceptions—especially when it comes to love and sex. From the Cougar’s viewpoint, life isn’t always a bed of roses—with the perfect cub in the middle—either. At least, not without thorns. All real roses have thorns. Then there’s the perverse little matter of social customs. Though a Cougar’s confidence and experience are her greatest, sexiest strengths, they can also be a kind of curse, intimidating people who are comfortable with more traditional gender roles. Times are a’changing, but the double standard remains. Men still usually pair up with younger women—both in real life and on screen, for casual sex and serious relationships—and as men grow older, very often their female partners get even younger, especially if the men are successful. Well, that’s capitalism for you! Though inconsistent and often unfair itself, the #MeToo movement is moving society towards a more critical view of such pairings where the guy’s a lot older than the gal, as well as a more open attitude to the Cougar/cub relationship. Nevertheless, for the most part, the majority of human societies accept a man dating or marrying a woman four decades younger than him as *normal.* In contrast, if a woman is just a few years older than her male partner, it’s often considered quite scandalous, or at least taboo. In part, this is due to biology; women usually can’t bear children past their forties, which is when Cougar’ing often gets in gear—while men (usually with a little help from Viagra) can technically reproduce until they’re flatlined. So, men *should* desire younger women, and women *should* be attracted to older men (who can presumably provide for their inevitable children), at least according to evolutionary psychology which says we are all driven by reproduction. Perhaps, but that drive to reproduce doesn’t always translate into actually reproducing. Not everybody wants to have biological children, and in our human-heavy world, being “child-free” can be a good thing for the individual and society. Sometimes that “drive to reproduce” that we all innately possess is channeled into great art, service to humanity, romance, adventure and/or awesome Cougar sex.     So… what’s the big deal? The “big deal” is tradition, religion, repression, patriarchy and paranoia. These are some of the ancient sources for the societal messages that whisper, sing and shout at us that a mature woman with a younger man is an abomination, a sin, an embarrassment, a disaster or just plain wrong. So, whether you’re the Cougar or the cub, don’t be surprised if your friends and family—not to mention your church, temple, therapist and most of pop culture—try to dissuade you from this path. It is not for the weak… though it makes you weak in the knees. As of this writing, pop icon Madonna (aged 62) is being dragged on social media as "distasteful" for showing PDA (public displays of affection) with her 27-year-old boyfriend, Ahlamalik Williams. One commenter said, "It is sad to see that Madonna can’t age with grace [and] is trying to act younger." Would the same be said about a man of Madonna’s age with a woman of Ahlamalik’s age? And what exactly does it mean to “age with grace”? To confine your playtime to grandchildren, your skirts to below-the-knee, your hair to silver-grey and your sex life to nonexistent? Perhaps, another way to “age with grace” is to be an elegant erotic guide to eager young students of sex. Of course, Madonna gets more than her share of “Go Girl!” comments too; she’s Madonna! And part of what makes Madonna “Madonna!” is her ability to transcend the haters and just do what she wants, and that includes taking lovers (and husbands) who are almost always younger than her (see below). So, if you’re confident, sexy and energetic like Madonna—or like YOU—you’ve got what it takes to assume the title of Cougar. With a little luck, your cub could even be elected President of France! When Brigitte Trogneux Macron first began seeing Emmanuel Macron, they met in secret; their love was so forbidden. Not only was she 25 years older than him, but she was also his high school drama teacher. Despite the stigma, they persevered, fell more deeply in love, and eventually came out to their families and the world. Now Emmanuel is President of France and Brigitte is First Lady. Talk about a cub/Cougar power couple. Rowl! Cougar by Numbers Though the Cougar/cub combo is still considered taboo, the numbers are growing, even for long term relationships. The amount of marriages where the woman is five to ten years older than her spouse is small (5.4 percent and 1.3 percent, respectively), but they have doubled between 1960 and 2007, according to census data. It’s cool to “go your own way,” but there’s strength—and respect—in numbers, and the numbers are running with the Cougars!

Looking to talk with sexually mature woman who can teach you a thing or two about sex? We’re available anytime. Call us now at 213.291.9497.

 

  Some Cougar History Honored and maligned, beloved and despised, mature women have been taking younger lovers throughout history and probably prehistory as well. Cougars also appear in ancient mythology. One of the earliest mythological and most famous Cougars of all time is Aphrodite (Venus to the Romans), Greek Goddess of Love, Sex and Beauty who has many younger lovers—including her own son, Eros! But her favorite mortal cub is Adonis, so handsome, other gods and goddesses fall for him as well, though Aphrodite is, was and always will be his great immortal Cougar love. According to legend, the Goddess of Love’s favorite cub never grows old. Adonis dies young, killed by a wild boar sent by jealous Artemis, Virgin Goddess of the Hunt, but the young cub’s love for his Cougar Aphrodite remains eternally strong. The Greek playwright Euripides displayed a less sanguine view of Cougars, cubs and cuckolds in Hippolytus (428 BCE), the tragedy of Phaedra, beautiful wife of famed hero Theseus who falls in love with her stepson, Hippolytus, who most vehemently does not love her back, resulting in terrible fates for the whole family. If you’re looking for inspiration to explore the Cougar life—or that of the cub or cuckold (Theseus is the paranoid cuckold)—do NOT read Hippolytus! My French teacher made us read Jean Racine’s version of Phaedra (en français, s'il vous plaît) in my junior year—when I was a bit of a Cougar as I was dating a sophomore—and honestly, it disturbed me so much, I never took another French class. Though I love France! Speaking of France, one of the greatest Cougars in history was Diane de Poitiers (1499-1566), mistress of the French King Henry II. When she was 35, the beautiful, bold, charming and athletic Diane seduced the teenage Prince Henry. This would be considered statutory rape now, and even then, though not illegal, it was unusual. Nevertheless, they fell in love, and when Henry was crowned King, Diane de Poitiers became a powerful royal mistress, lasting even through the King’s official marriage to Catherine de Medici (who is said to have invented high heels—possibly so she could look her rival in the eye). Besides being the Queen of French Cougars before anyone called them “Cougars,” Diane was an “influencer” B.I.G. (Before Instagram), posing for the finest painters of the time with her cub the King, her beloved horses, suggestive stags and symbols of France, as well as delightfully nude. Catherine the Great (1729-1796) ruled 18th century Russia for three progressive decades and enjoyed at least a dozen different lovers, most of them younger than her. She started by cuckolding her husband Peter III, and picked up speed as a Cougar after his death. Catherine “loved to be in love,” especially with younger swashbuckling soldiers. Her most famous cub was Prince Grigory Potemkin who, as he grew older, encouraged his Empress to take even younger lovers. But no, though she was a great equestrian, and rumors abound, there’s no proof that Catherine the Great ever had sex with her horse. One of the most notorious Cougars of the 20th century was the sultry Mae West. Though Mae reigned over a revolving stable of real-life cubs (in her later years, it was part of her act), she also had a long-time lover, the handsome Paul Novak, who was 30 years her junior. Beyond her inner circle, there were all her younger fans—virtual cubs—including the late great producer of most of my HBO specials, Dave Bell. Though I was already pretty bawdy, Dave encouraged me to model my on-screen *character,* in part, on Mae’s seductive, witty, older-womanly persona.   Mae was the ultimate Cougar/comedienne, and unlike most comics of yesteryear, her jokes are still funny. Like a fine wine or *well-preserved* veteran of multiple love affairs, some of Mae’s witticisms have grown wittier with age: Is that a pistol in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up. A hard man is good to find. When I'm good I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better.   “Cougar” Term Origins Despite their powerful, undeniable *influence,* nobody called these bold older ladies who take younger lovers “Cougars” until the 1980s when, urban legend has it, the term “Cougar” entered our erotic lexicon through “locker room talk.” Apparently, the Vancouver Canucks hockey team, when teasing each other about the mature female fans on the prowl for players, referred to these older ladies as “Cougars.”  In 1999, Cougardate was launched online, and Toronto Sun journalist Valerie Gibson wrote a story about it in 2001 which, in 2008, became a book, Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men. In 2003, Samantha Jones (Kim Cattrell) and Smith Jerrod (Jason Lewis) embarked upon a steamy and very intimate long-term romance in “Sex and the City.” A few years later, the TV sitcom Cougar Town (2009-2015) followed the exploits of a divorced MILF (Courtney Cox), often shown sipping a glass of red wine. A sultry mom of a teenage son who dates younger men, this Cougar winds up marrying her divorced same-age neighbor. Meanwhile, on the high seas, Carnival Cruise line ran a “Cougar Cruise” that drew over 300 attendees, but apparently, it was too Carnivalesque for Carnival. But the Cougar Party isn’t over!

Are you looking to explore some memories or fantasies of the Cougar on your mind? You can talk to the Therapists Without Borders who are eager to speak with you. Give us a call at 213.291.9497.

Celebrity Cougars With the advent of the Feminist and Sexual Revolution in the 1960s and 70s, and progressive, sex-positive movements, and the general decline in religiosity over the last four decades, there has been greater social acceptance of older women dating younger men, and celebrities are at the forefront of this transformation. Celebrities are the gods, goddesses and empresses of our times, so it’s no wonder Celebrity Cougars are on the prowl like Aphrodite or Cate the Great. Though it could just as easily be the young Adonis—or Potemkin—“cub” that takes the lead, as in the case of super hunk Jason Momoa who fell head over heels for Lisa Bonet from his living room TV set, watching her on the old Cosby Show when he was a kid in Hawaii. He even told his own mother, “Mommy I want that one,” even though (or because) she was (and still is!) a dozen years his senior. Soon enough, young Jason grew up (and boy, did he grow) and pursued his dream. Sometimes, celebrity crushes are best left in the Erotic Theater of the Mind, but sometimes dreams come true, and cub Jason and Cougar Lisa are now married (together over 14 years) with a beautiful blended family. In the early 2000s, Demi Moore and 15-years-younger Ashton Kutcher’s Cougar/cub marriage brought the term to the forefront of pop culture, though Demi said she prefers to be called a “Puma.” Technically, a “Puma” is supposed to be in her thirties, while Demi was in her forties at the time, but who’s counting? Whichever wildcat you prefer, following her rather tempestuous split with cub Ashton (who married the five-years-younger Mila Kunis), Demi has since dated other younger men. There’s also Heidi Klum, 16 years older than Tom Kaulitz; Janet Jackson and Wissam Al Mana (she's nine years older); Kate Beckinsale and Goody Grace (24 years difference); Lesbian Cougar Ellen Degeneres and her “cubbette” wife Portia de Rossi (15 years apart); Priyanka Chopra who is 10 years older than Nick Jonas; Gabrielle Union and Dwayne Wade, (they have a decade between them); Sam Taylor-Wood (54) and Aaron Taylor-Johnson (30); Selling Sunset reality personalities Mary Fitzgerald and Romain Bonett (12 years apart); Hugh Jackman and Deborah Lee-Furness, (13 years apart), and the Cougar/cub list goes on. I also consider Meghan and Prince Harry to be Cougar and cub; she’s three years older than him, which isn’t much, but it’s another little tweak of British royal tradition. Though it follows a different facet of that same tradition, since Harry’s great grand-uncle, King Edward VIII, married another controversial American divorcee, the notorious Cougar Wallis Simpson, two years older than the King who abdicated the throne for her. No doubt, if there was a Ms. Cougar Pageant, there would be a lot of competition, but Madonna, the quintessential Cougarsexual Material Girl, would probably take the crown. She’s had older boyfriends like Warren Beatty (which may have been a Dick Tracy PR play), but she is famous for her “boy toys,” praised and pilloried whenever their photogenic PDAs appear. She started her Cougarsexual adventures with model Tony Ward (five years younger), then dated (to name just a few) Tupac, David Blaine, Vanilla Ice, Dennis Rodman, Anthony Kiedis, Sean Penn and Guy Ritchie (she married these two cubs), Alex Rodriguez, and the youngest cubs, Brahim Zaibat, Timor Steffens and most recently, kissable smokable Ahlamalik Williams. She pulls it all off with flair. Madonna makes the Cougar life seem downright in Vogue. The Legend of Cougar Liz Warren Could the feisty U.S. Senator from Massachusetts be a Cougar? While running for President, Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren suddenly found herself in the midst of a three-ring media circus casting her as the ferocious “Cougar” in the center ring. It all started when the goofball grifter team of Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman, a couple of far-right tRump supporters and notorious “sexual assault” fraudsters, held a bizarre, quasi-kinky and laughably sanctimonious press conference, elaborately accusing Senator Warren of the high *crime* of Cougarsexuality. The leading man of their slapstick project, Kelvin Whelly, a 25-year-old, “decorated,” hunky, but not-too-sure-of-his-script Marine/escort/cub, claimed he was Liz’s BDSM sex slave or Master or whatever (where’s that script?) for $1000 a visit, more or less, plus tips and Uber rides. After allegedly connecting through a Cougar/cub dating site called “Cowboys for Angels,” he said they met in various hotels for “not just rough sex, but extensive BDSM play” and other “deviant sexual activities” with a “cat o’ nine tails” (which he procured from Amazon, “as we all do”) and “a lime green strap-on dildo (bringing to mind a disturbing image of Sean Spicer in Dancing with the Stars).” Lacking proof or coherency, poor Whelly and Wohl’s “case” collapsed like a limp cowboy. However, if Elizabeth Warren really was or is a kinky cougar wielding a cat o’ nine tails and a strap-on dildo of any color on a hunky twenty-something cub, well, more power to her. I especially appreciate Liz herself tweeting a snappy response to the accusations, establishing herself as America’s Queen of Shade (at least for that media cycle), slapping the douchebags down, making a titillating little pun, and staying on point with her “plan” for canceling student debt: “It’s always a good day to be reminded that I got where I am because a great education was available for $50 a semester at the University of Houston (go Cougars!). We need to cancel student debt and make college free for everyone who wants it.” Go Cougars! Hello Cougar Sally Mullins If you have a slightly “dirty” mind like me, you’re probably wondering if there’s a porn parody of the Boston Cougar, maybe “Jizz on Liz” or “Whorin’ for Warren.” Well, wonder no more:  “Hello Cougar” comedienne, frequent DrSuzy.Tv guest and multiple SUZY award winner, Sally Mullins, aka porn star Jamie Foster, pounced on it. Her uncanny resemblance to Elizabeth Warren, dressing and acting the part in films like Scorin’ with Warren, makes her the perfect Liz Warren Porn Parody Doppleganger. You can also see Sally as Liz on The Dr. Susan Block Show broadcast live just before the Coronapocalypse: First, we talk politics and beer (Corona, of course), but then I just have to strip the Senator down and book-spank her naughty bare bottom with The Bonobo Way to make her feel the Bern for how she treated Bernie. Watch Cougar Liz Warren Does DrSuzy.Tv. Unlike Liz, Sally Mullins is a proud real-life cougar. Blonde and bawdy as a modern-day Mae West, we met Sally in 2017 on Kink Month III: Night of the Cougar, when she was our featured guest promoting her “Hello Cougar” show that showcased her erotic encounters with cubs. She came back to Bonoboville for Cougar Kink to promote “Cookin’ 4 Pussy,” in which potential suitors would whip up something delicious for her in exchange for sex… if she likes what they cook, or maybe how they cook it. [gallery columns="6" link="file" ids="55963,55958,55964,55967,55961,55957,55959,55955,55956,55965,55962,55954,55966,55953,55951,55950,55949,55952"] On Cougar Equinox, we delved deeper into Sally’s quirky CougarSexuality—exploring how, as porn star Jamie Foster, she lives her Cougar fantasies to the sexual fullest—and we give cute cubbette Sunshine a bare-bottom OTK (over-the-knee) spanking over all four of our knees. Sally enjoys her Cougar lifestyle for a number of reasons, not least of which is that it provides a constant source of comedy for her show. Laughter is a mental orgasm, after all. She also likes the regular orgasms that come with the Cougar life. The “mature woman” of Ben Franklin’s wet dreams, Sally seems to genuinely appreciate the sexual energy and drive of younger men, and the fact that they don’t try to control her very free spirit (as older guys tend to do), at least not outside the bedroom—where she kind of likes to be controlled. Now she hunts for her “prey” online, as well as everywhere else. She’s also picked up a few younger guys right here in Bonoboville, not that that’s a huge challenge. Bonobo Cougars Cougarsexuality is very bonoboësque. Indeed, the Make-Love-Not-War bonobos empower the older females—sexually and otherwise—more than any other great ape culture.

Bonobo Cougars rule Bonoboville.

  Along with common chimpanzees, bonobos are the closest Great Apes to human. But while common chimps are patriarchal with older females being at the bottom of the hierarchy, among bonobos, the mature females are at the top, in charge, respected and usually beloved by all. They’re almost all mothers, so you could call them MILFs—and I often do!  They’re also Cougars, as these mature bonobo females also tend to be bold and confident in their pursuit of younger partners (male and female) and, of course, they love sex. Indeed, Bonobo Cougars rule Bonoboville. Based on their greater experience, the older females impart their erotic wisdom to the younger generations. Not only do Bonobo Cougars teach their younger lovers how to have sex in a Bonobo Sutra of positions, they also teach them to how to use sex to make “peace through pleasure.” It’s amazing! Bonobos are the only Great Apes that have never been seen killing each other in the wild or captivity, in part, because Bonobo Cougars are in charge of life in Bonoboville. I often say that that we humans would be better off if we could release our inner bonobos and follow the Bonobo Way, not just because we’d have more fun in life, but because bonobos hold the keys to a world without war. Cougarsexuality is one of those keys. Cougar Power From glittering palaces to wild jungles, Cougars are everywhere. If you’ve really read this far (and didn’t just skip to the bottom), congratulations! You’re now a Cougar/cub sexpert.

If you still have questions about finding or being a Cougar, concerns about your Cougar/cub relationship, an interest in phone sex therapy, or you’d just like to explore a Cougar fantasy in the Erotic Theater of the Mind, perhaps through erotic hypnosis, guided masturbation or webcam therapy, call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime: 213.291.9497. Where you’re a Cougar, cub or just curious, we’re here for you.

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© May 27. 2021 Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 626-461-5950. Read More
MASKS are SEXY! Comments Off on MASKS are SEXY!

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth. – Oscar Wilde

by Dr. Susan Block. As the Coronapocalypse continues to rage, with public spaces opening up, closing down and then opening back up again, you might have a couple questions about masks…
  1. Should you wear a mask?
Answer: Whether or not you wear a mask is up to you, just like whether or not you wear pants is up to you. You don’t have to do either, but there are consequences. In the case of no pants, you could get kicked out of places, arrested and/or catch cold. In the case of no mask, you could also suffer all of the above, except instead of just a cold, you could catch Covid-19. Or you might give it to someone. Maybe someone you care about. So, personally, I join with the countless scientists and other experts who say YES, you certainly *should* wear a mask when you are closer than ten feet to any breathing human with whom you’re not sheltering, especially if you’re indoors. But don’t panic! This is not a life sentence. At least, I hope it isn’t. However, better a life sentence than a death sentence. Lucky for all of us, vaccinations appear to be going pretty well. At first, they were rolling out with the speed and focus of an inebriated elephant threading a needle. But every day, more and more people are getting vaccinated. I received mine, and as soon as you can, you should get yours! So, there’s hope. Keep in mind that a few years after the deadly, masked-up Influenza of 1918, the world exploded into the sexy, mask-free Roaring Twenties—with hot flappers, cool jazz and wild “speakeasies.”  So, stay positive! But be realistic.  The death count is over 500,000 and rising, and new Coronavirus strains are continuing to emerge. Whatever the future holds, if you want to keep yourself and others relatively safe right now, even if you’re vaccinated, you have to cover that kissable mouth and adorable nose of yours with something. Or maybe two somethings. The experts are now encouraging double masking. That said, I can’t *make* you wear a face mask (let alone two), even via strict domination combined with erotic hypnosis using your favorite fetish as a trigger word. However, stores, take-out restaurants and other establishments have every right to require that you wear a mask within their walls. That means you either 1) insist on your right to bare your cheeks while the staff (or security cam) films you, making a fool of your totally exposed (and probably bright red) face all over social media, or 2) you do the right thing and wear a damn mask.

Need to talk about masking up, navigating your sex life, relationships, fantasies and realities during the Coronapocalypse? Call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime: 213.291.9497. We’re here for you.

Comfort Is Sexy Having dispensed with Question #1, let’s move on to… #2: Now that you know you ought to wear a damn mask, how can you make it more fun? With face coverings as “essential” an article of clothing as shoes or underwear (nothing against going commando, but you get the idea), how can you make them more comfortable, cool, effective and most important, SEXY? Sexy? Say what? Thanks to their practical function, it’s hard for most of us to imagine face masks as something fun, let alone sexy. But the Coronapocalypse has already drained so many pleasures from life; we need to find them wherever we can. So, why not in our face masks? As a sexologist, I believe it’s important to our sexual health and well-being to make masks sexier.

I for one never look at a guy in a mask and think, “What a weakling! I bet he’s really bad in bed.”

Start with comfort, which is a key to feeling and looking sexy. Let’s be honest: Masks aren’t always comfortable. This is why many people won’t wear them, and the politics is just “patriotic” window-dressing for their feelings. Privileged individuals especially, accustomed to getting their way in life, feel their personal physical comfort to be a top priority, usurping even their own safety, as well as the safety of others. It’s amazing how many people who wiggle themselves into skyscraper heels or strangling neckties find facemasks unbearably uncomfortable. Fortunately, some very creative people are designing more and more comfy coverings, so perhaps the comfort cravers will soon be satisfied. And it’s a step towards making masks sexy! Personal Note: Though masks may be uncomfortable, they’re far less uncomfortable than a ventilator. Believe me; I’ve been on one. Triggered by Masks

“Nothing is more real than the masks we make to show each other who we are.” – Christopher Barzak

For many people, mask mania is more emotional than physical. Some feel *triggered* by masks because they’ve heard (possibly from a certain former U.S. President) that they represent a terrible infringement on their *freedom.* It’s true that many societies throughout history have made prisoners wear inhuman “masks of shame” and hoods, like those detainees have been forced to wear in Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo and other military prisons. So, these fears of forced masking are not totally baseless, though they have been warped to fit certain political agendas. Just remember folks, we're not prisoners of war here! We're in a pandemic, and we’re being asked to cover our mouths and noses to protect ourselves and our neighbors, not to punish or imprison us. Another twisted notion is that wearing a mask makes someone appear “weak.” In reality, caring for the health and well-being of others is anything but “weak.” I for one never look at a guy in a mask and think, “What a weakling! I bet he’s really bad in bed.” However, belief can be a powerful force, even if it’s wrong, unscientific and has more to do with fear and fantasy than reality.   Concerned about being "weak," cuckolded or "measuring up" in some way? Need to talk about it with someone you can trust?  Call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime: 213.291.9497. We’re here to help. What Do People Think of You?

Behind every mask there is a face, and behind that a story. – Marty Rubin

For some, anti-mask fervor arises from peer pressure; the people in your family, team, neighborhood, political party or religious group actively despise liberals, “political correctness,” socialism and masks, so you do too. Then, sprinkle a little physical discomfort with that fear of weakness, stirred up within a fervent anti-mask cult that believes the earth is flat, the election was “stolen,” vaccines are the mark of the beast and masks are a government plot to “muzzle” the populace, and the next thing you know you’re storming a shopping mall, demanding your “right” to show off your fuming, spitting mug to folks who really don’t want to see it, let alone be spit on by it. Refusal to wear a mask indoors during a pandemic is, in this humble sexologist’s opinion, worse than refusing to wear pants… or a seatbelt, both being illegal in the U.S. It’s more like insisting on your “right” to drive while drunk, endangering not only yourself, but everyone who happens to be on the road with you. Nevertheless, it’s disingenuous to say that mask-wearing is “nothing” or “no big deal.” Let’s all just acknowledge, it’s a pain in the ass. Well, the face.

Confused? Anxious? Horny? Need to talk? The Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute are highly experienced in erotic matters. So, if you don’t know where to start, no worries! Looking for safer sex through the erotic theater of the mind? Developing a medical fetish looking at all those sexy masked-up doctors and nurses? What sexy alternatives can you explore in the Coronapacalypse? Give us a call anytime at 213.291.9497.

No Glove, No Love? No Mask, Don’t Ask! Like any article of clothing, comfort depends on style, fabric and fit. Some masks are so bad, wearing them is like having sex while wearing a too-tight condom or, even worse, a too-baggy one. Actually, in a way, wearing a mask to prevent the spread of COVID-19 is like wearing a condom to prevent the spread of STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) or STIs (sexually transmitted infections). For one thing, condoms aren’t terribly comfortable, so why do we wear them? Very often it’s because our partners insist, “No glove? No love.” The Coronapocalyptic equivalent might be, “No mask? Don’t even ask!” In fact, Germans have come up with a new term for masks, “gesichtskondom,” or “face condom.” It’s an article of clothing that protects the wearer and others from disease and the exchange of bodily fluids, so it really *fits*! Also, like a condom, it’s important to wear your mask correctly. Otherwise, it’s pretty useless. Many of those politicians who look dumb (and not at all sexy) in their facemasks are just wearing them wrong. [gallery columns="6" link="file" ids="55826,55825,55821,55823,55822,55824"] Make sure your nose is covered and that the mask fits your face snugly, but not so tight, it’s uncomfortable. For combining comfort with protection, choose a breathable, but protective fabric. Does wearing a mask or a condom makes things completely safe? No, just safer. It’s like we used to say back in the 1990s: There is no such thing as absolutely “safe sex.” There’s only safer sex through outercourse, phone sex and condoms. A condom doesn’t guarantee protection from an STI—after all, the condom could break, or you could put it on or take it off sloppily— so wearing a mask doesn’t guarantee you won’t get or give someone COVID. In the Coronapocalypse, there is no such thing as absolutely “safe” living. Only safer living through hand-washing, physical-distancing and wearing a damn mask.

Masks can be as liberating as they can be confining.

Masking up is nothing new. What history peeks out at us from behind the masks we wear today? Hint: Some of it has to do with sex appeal… Who Was That Masked Man—or Woman? Humans have been wearing masks since prehistoric times for disguise, protection, performance and seduction. In the Coronapocalypse, we think of our facemasks primarily for protection against COVID-19, but there’s no reason we can’t enjoy them for the other three purposes too. Hold-up; by “disguise,” I don’t mean you should disguise yourself with facemask to rob your local convenience store. It’s true that one of our most common conceptions of facemasks stems from images of bandits concealing their identities with a bandana before holding up a bank. Unfortunately, in the Coronapocalypse, some modern thieves have exploited the mask mandate to do just that. This pandemic economy is particularly unjust for the poor and has made desperados out of many otherwise decent people, but that’s no excuse! Side note: Anti-maskers who believe the “Deep State” is making us wear masks to “control” us are ignoring the simple fact that covering your face makes you harder to identify and control by the government, bots, scanners or your local store clerk. That’s why thieves have always masked up for disguise. As long as you don’t commit crimes, you might enjoy the fact that your face mask “disguises” you to some degree. If you’re shy, anonymity can even be an aphrodisiac; that’s one reason so many masked revelers have long loved Venetian and Brazilian Carnavale. In this sense, masks can be as liberating as they can be confining.  You might like going out incognito, wearing a dark, mysterious mask with matching shades, like a spy in a romantic thriller. But please, no stealing, no stalking and no ammosexual accessories (you’re not really a spy)! [gallery link="file" columns="6" ids="55791,55831,55793,55796,55794,55798,55795,55800,55797,55830,55829,55799"]  

Hopeless romantic? The Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute can help you with your romantic issues, your fantasies, problems and pleasures. Need to talk about something you can’t talk about anywhere else? We can help. Give us a call at 213.291.9497.

 Weapons of Masked Seduction

“If you want to say something and have people listen then you have to wear a mask.” – Banksy

Masks have long been an integral element of theater. The oldest mask ever discovered dates back 9000 years to 7000 BCE, but the art of making and wearing masks is far older, visible in 30,000-year-old paleolithic cave drawings. Because these prehistoric masks were made of perishable materials like leather and wood, they didn’t survive, but we can see by the cave drawings that the earliest uses of masks were for performance, dance, ceremonies and rituals. Whether dazzling, comforting or frightening, all of these face coverings conveyed some kind of artistic, “magical,” seductive appeal. Prehistoric masks were the first Weapons of Masked Seduction. Such theatrical masks continued to be worn in the ancient Greek Dionysian Festivals, Medieval Passion Plays, Guy Fawkes, the Phantom of the Opera and beyond.

Let your body talk. Since people can’t see your face, they will pay more attention to the rest of you.

Personally, I’ve always loved theatrical masks, since I was a Theater Studies major at Yale, especially in the Italian Commedia Dell’Arte tradition, and eventually in my own Commedia Erotica style. Over the years, as I put on hundreds of masks to assume different roles and for the sheer, playful pleasure of masquerade. Honestly, I never dreamed I’d be wearing a mask to protect me and those around me from death-dealing microbes. But my masked theater experience does give me ideas for making masks—even face masks—fun and sexy. Many of our theatrical Comic-con culture’s greatest superheroes—from Zorro to Batman—also wear sexy masks, aka “domino masks,” but they tend to go around the eyes instead of over the mouth, Spiderman and the Flash being notable exceptions. Have you ever worn a mask in a play, cosplay, film, masquerade party, on Halloween, Mardi Gras, Purim, Carnival or Carnavale? Perhaps you *played* a trickster, sexpot, superhero or alter ego. Did it make you feel less inhibited, more adventurous, less constrained by your usual worries of what people might think of you because the real, identifiable *you* was partially hidden? Take that party-mask energy into face-mask-wearing, and you’re almost guaranteed to be sexy. Let your body talk.  Since people can’t see your face, they will pay more attention to the rest of you. So, if you’re not already a dancer, model or bootcamp graduate, straighten up that saggy posture and learn to move like you mean it! Pretend you’re a costume designer choosing accessories; wear a mask that either matches your outfit or contrasts with it in an appealing way. Try Etsy, Dolls Kill, Forever 21, d.Bleu.dazzled, Redbubble or Stylecaster for fun, festive and mostly feminine masks. If you’re looking for more masculine options, check out this GQ article. [gallery columns="6" link="file" ids="55774,55775,55773,55778,55810,55780,55776,55777,55833,55811,55834,55779"] Of course, these cartoon penis masks and vulva art facemasks are great comic erotic conversation-starters (though maybe not church or family gatherings!). Variety is the spice of life, sex and theater. Wearing the same mask every day is not only very unhygienic, it’s boring. Between utilitarian, fancy, romantic, scary, kinky and crazy, you can wear different masks to suit your varied moods… or perhaps seduce someone special. But please don’t throw your used facemasks out the car window! The Coronapocalypse is just another aspect of devastating climate change in the Anthropocene. Don’t make it worse by polluting the environment with your dirty old facemasks. Wash used masks or try facemasks like 4ocean, which are recyclable, and the support frames provide extra comfort. Masks in Asia Western cultures, with their focus on individual—and corporate—freedom mixed with scorn for “big government” and socialism, appear to have the most trouble persuading their citizens to wear a damn mask. Even though the idea that our leaders are trying to enslave us through facemasks is extremely illogical and unlikely (they have other ways…), it carries a lot of weight, especially in the United States, Brazil and Europe. In contrast, East Asian cultures tend to prioritize the welfare of the community over the freedom of the individual. In most Asian countries, wearing a facemask is a sign of discipline, respect and social responsibility, not weakness.

I’d prefer everyone go naked… well, except for the face mask, right now, of course.

Many East Asians have been masking up in public for years to protect themselves and others from airborne sickness and pollution. I imagine some of them also enjoy the psychological “protection” and anonymity masks provide for individuals in crowded public spaces. Maybe this is why, as of this writing, Asian death rates from COVID-19 are considerably lower than in the West. Masking Up for God Covering the bottom half of the face is popular in the Muslim world, but not because of the pandemic.  In traditional Islamic culture, many women wear a veil that covers the whole face except for the eyes, such as the niqab or burqa. Westerners tend to think of the Muslim veil as oppressive, and it can be since it is often required nonconsensually, and only of women, rarely of men. Personally, I’m not a fan of any kind of cover-up, especially on so-called “moral” grounds. I’d prefer everyone go naked… well, except for the face mask, right now, of course. My views are based on philosophical as well as personal experience wearing a burqa. When I was 19, I went on a hippie-ish trek through Asia and, while wandering through the rather devout city of Kandahar, Afghanistan, a friendly shopkeeper gifted me with a burqa. I put it on over my clothes and continued my walk around the marketplace, only to collide with another burqa-clad lady and a fruit stand. Nobody was hurt, but the lady was pretty annoyed, I had to pay for a dozen damaged melons, and I never wore a burqa again. I felt like I was inside a smothering, billowing tent covering everything except for a small window for me to look through, and even that tiny opening was covered with a crisscross fabric, so I felt like I was trying to see through fishnet stockings. Not my style. Nevertheless, my research and experience as a sex therapist tells me that many women have no such impaired vision issues, and some are actually empowered by wearing the veil. It helps them to feel protected, in control, mysterious, special… and sexy! Some Muslim women tell me that they enjoy being able to choose with whom they share the special gift of their naked face. On the other side of the tent, many Muslim men say that seeing a veiled woman arouses them precisely because that which is hidden is enticing. It presents a question: What does she look like? And of course, they want to know the answer. I still don’t like that so many orthodox Muslim communities make women wear the veil for religious reasons—sometimes under pain of violent punishment. On the other hand, Islam isn’t the only religion to force its practices on its adherents. And in terms of the current question—How to Make Masks Sexy?—Westerners can learn a lesson from this undoubtedly sexist, but sometimes intriguingly sexy, Islamic custom. Takeaway: Wear your facemask like a veil that erotically empowers you.

Need to talk about your experience with religious sexual abuse? The Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute are here to help. You won't go to hell for it. But you just might feel a lot better. Give us a call at 213.291.9497.

The Eyes Have It Though a facemask should cover your mouth and nose—and often the chin and cheeks as well—it usually doesn’t cover your eyes. This can be key to making your mask sexy. As the “windows to the soul,” your eyes are your most powerful Weapons of Masked Seduction. You could think of your mask as a fan, “making eyes” over it, coquettishly. Whether you make “Smize” (“smiling eyes,” as coined by Tyra Banks), sultry “smokey eye,” cute puppy dog eyes, or squinty tough-guy eyes, you can communicate volumes without moving your lips. Speaking of lips, you don’t have to put on lipstick while wearing a mask… and you probably shouldn’t as it will smear in all the wrong ways (unless you’re wearing smear-proof). Some good news for folks who get tired of smiling through pain or boredom; you can relax your mouth muscles more with a mask on! But if you really want to be mask-sexy, you probably ought to step up your eyeliner, shadow, lashes, mascara, etc. routine. Unless you’re wearing dark goggles, your eyes tend to be visible. Careful about how you put on and remove your mask, or you might take off a false eyelash along with it (I’ve done that!). Masks So Scary They’re Sexy Yes, scary masks can be very sexy on the right person in an arousing scenario. Always keep things consensual and safe and try not to trigger traumatic memories with your masked fun and games. That said, a pinch of fear is like spice in your enchilada… though too much spoils the meat. So, what turns you on? Zombie sex worker? Frankenstein’s Bride? Sexy Freddy Kreuger? Gasmaskgirl? There are a million sexy monsters to choose from; just make sure your monster mask covers your nose.

Scared of sex? The Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute are here to help. Whether your fears are well-founded, pure paranoia or something in between, we can help. Give us a call anytime at 213.291.9497.

The Plague Mask Perhaps the quintessential “scary mask” for the Coronapocalypse is the “Plague Mask.” Somewhere between sinister and magical, with an elongated, bird-like beak and large, circular eyeholes, sometimes framed by crystals, the “Plague Mask” was originally worn during the 17th century (not the Middle Ages, as many believe) to protect “plague doctors” from catching the disease that was killing their patients. The giant leather beak shielded the wearer’s mouth and nose, somewhat like a facemask, plus it was filled with fabric soaked in aromatic herbs that were supposed to ward off germs, but really just helped “mask” the stench of sickness and death. Even prior to the Coronapocalypse, some people wore stylized plague masks to parties, fetish balls and during kinky play. Now, they’re even more popular, in different colors with sexy embellishments like feathers and glitter. So… have yourself a ball! Though if you want to stay safe, wear a regular face mask under your plague mask. Fetish Masks Speaking of fetish balls, the mask has long been an important article of kinky clothing in the BDSM world. These range from a Mistress’ glittery party mask, such as those seen in old Lasse Braun loops or that ritual orgy in Eyes Wide Shut, to a slave’s full-coverage leather or latex bondage hood. Fetish masks of this kind have long been associated with kink, sexual fantasies and taboo trysts. They can be used to enhance sexual experiences and consensual power exchange, especially in roleplay, as punishment, reward or even just for style. Besides being kinky, fetish masks help to keep the wearers totally or somewhat anonymous and so, like the Carnavale masqueraders, they feel freer to express their true sexual selves. Traditional fetish masks aren’t always COVID-safe, but you can find sexy kinky facemasks for both protection and fun. Consider this sleek latex facemask, a more extreme hood, a leather neck corset that’s also a facemask or the classic gasmask (includes a drinking connection).

Need to talk about your favorite fetish, with or without the mask?  Call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime at 213.291.9497.

Sensory Deprivation & Masked Kisses One ironic erotic benefit of masks is the way they enhance certain senses through sensory deprivation. For instance, if you’re blindfolded, your sense of hearing, touch and smell are enhanced. A face mask doesn’t deprive you of a particular sense in that way. However, there are two things you can’t do while wearing a facemask, and those are eating and drinking. This is, of course, a big inconvenience, but it has its benefits. Maybe it’ll help lower our society’s skyrocketing rates of obesity which, by the way, is a telltale “pre-existing condition” that makes obese Coronavirus patients more likely than others to die. That’s not meant to be “fat-shaming,” but to encourage people to provide a little less of an appetizing meal for these crowned critters to feast upon. Masks can be beautiful, mysterious and even romantic. A kiss through facemasks deprives the kissers of the taste and touch of each other’s tongues, thereby—via the *magic* of sensory deprivation—enhancing their sense of each other’s aroma. Such a tantalizing tease! Warning: Kissing through masks isn’t COVID-safe; it’s just a fun way for couples who are self-isolating together to connect while out and about. “Self-isolating together” has become a special kind of commitment, a “Love in the Time of Coronavirus” that is both more and less serious than marriage. My “prime mate,” Capt’n Max, and I are self-isolating together, but we wear masks when we’re around other people, and it feels very romantic to kiss “through” our masks. An image of a husband-and-wife team of nurses wearing masks, vizors, gloves and gowns as they embrace went viral (so to speak) early in the pandemic. Looking at it and seeing the love and romance combined with discipline and service that it conveys, still brings tears to my eyes.

Make Masks Sexy!

The human face is, after all, nothing more nor less than a mask. – Agatha Christie

Why is it so important to “make masks sexy”? I’ll let someone who tweeted that I looked “immensely kinky” in my GasMaskGirl gas mask, answer that question, “Dr Susan if you can convince people to wear masks to prevent airborne contagion of Covid-19, you might have saved many lives.” It’s funny, but for some people, kink and sex are greater motivators than matters of life or death. If I can help reduce the spread of the dreaded virus by showing how sexy and kinky a face mask can be, I’m thrilled. Take It Off! Remember, masks are not forever. They’re not even for all day. There comes a time, in the course of a day or during a romantic relationship, when you take off the mask. Though I’ve been talking up how sexy masks can be, there’s no denying that taking off the mask can be even sexier. In the Coronapocalypse, it should also be very special, something you only do close-up with someone you trust, at a point when you know you are both COVID-free. In these masked-up times, removing your mask to expose your face (when you’re in a safe space) sexier than a striptease. But before you take it all off, be sure to put that sexy mask on. It just might save your (sex) life. © March 11, 2021. Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For information and speaking engagements, call 626-461-5950. Email her at [email protected].  Editorial Assistance on this article provided by Adriana Gomez-Weston 

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Need to talk? However you feel about masks, relationships and sex in the Coronapocalypse, you can talk to the Therapists Without Borders at the Dr. Susan Block Institute. Call us anytime at 213.291.9497. We’re here for you.

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Sex & Dating in the Coronapocalypse: The Guide for the Perplexed Comments Off on Sex & Dating in the Coronapocalypse: The Guide for the Perplexed

by Dr. Susan Block. Modern love, sex and dating have always been tricky to navigate. But the Coronapocalypse has turned a rough path into a veritable obstacle course.

That's why I created this "Guide for the Perplexed" (with apologies to Maimonides).

The good news is a vaccine is around the corner. But in the meantime, how can you make it through the pandemic, achieve your relationship goals, satisfy your dating desires and have a good time running this crazy course without falling flat on your unmasked face into an infected puddle? Dating in the Time of Coronavirus ...with apologies to Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Say you’re single. You want to connect with other singles for dating, a relationship, love, lust, kink, intimacy, marriage, holiday festivities or just for fun. What could be more natural and good for you? Except in a pandemic, when it’s all fraught with danger, worry and hassle at every level. First, there’s the physical risk: you could catch Covid-19, die, get sick and/or infect other people. Then, there’s the mental turmoil: even if you don’t catch it, you might be extremely stressed out by the thought of catching it, maybe even paranoid to the point of social paralysis. Dating in a pandemic is like taking a bite of the forbidden fruit. It might taste delicious, but it could toss you into a wilderness of trouble. It’s not a foregone conclusion that you’ll catch Covid-19 if you kiss, hold hands, share a meal, a drink, a dance, a spank or a roll in the hay, but is it a risk worth taking? Then again, maybe you don’t care. Perhaps you don’t believe you’ll catch Covid-19 or that it’s even real. Here at the Institute, we think you’re wrong, of course, but just say, for argument, we don’t know what’s right or wrong. Still, even if you believe “Covid-19 is a hoax,” you’re trying to meet “new people” in a dating world where most folks think you’re nuts and/or pretty irresponsible. Not a good dating look, except maybe for QAnon Singles. For most of us, neither of the extreme alternatives—being a complete shut-in or throwing caution to the wind and out the window—is very appealing.

The question is, how might you minimize the risk while living your life, if not to its fullest, at least to a degree it’s worth living? How do you get close to someone new while everyone’s playing physical “keep away” on a grand scale? How can you satisfy your personal, interpersonal and sexual needs under these crazy, impersonal, sex-negative, date-demolishing conditions?

Need to talk about dating, mating, self-love, fantasies, fetishes, problems, pleasures or anything else that you can’t talk about with anyone else? You can talk to us. Call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime 24/7 at 213.291.9497. We’re here for YOU.

Let’s NOT Get Physical First, let’s establish our terms. “Social-distancing” is a misleading misnomer. It makes it sound like we have to stop socializing, communicating, connecting with or caring about one another. That’s not very bonobo, or very human, let alone conducive to love, sex and/or dating. Here at the Institute, we prefer the term “physical distancing,” which is bad enough, but not as bad. To “flatten the curve” or just minimize risk, we need to “physically distance” ourselves from each other—maintaining a physical distance of six feet or so, unless we’re masked up, and even then, it’s best to forego close physical contact. Unlike the virtual “viruses” that “infect” our digital systems, the Coronavirus is a physical bug. Therefore, we don’t have to do “social distancing” at all! We can maintain, deepen and expand our social relationships, including dating, mostly through our otherwise demonic devices to our social-lite/influencer hearts’ content. Yes, our devices can be vices—bad habits, stupefying sources of alienation, depression, misinformation and a host of other social ills. But in our battle against COVID-19, they are proving to be lifesavers, a vital means of communication, a loneliness balm, a method of connecting, a means to let off steam, and a way to stay or get in touch without touching. It’s still possible for singles to meet physically—and very romantically—like the “Romeo and Juliet” of the Italian Coronapocalypse who actually met on their respective balconies during a lockdown—in the city of Verona where Shakespeare’s play takes place! Unlike the Bard’s star-crossed lovers, this Romeo and Juliet’s tale has a happy ending, and now they are engaged. But alas, we don’t all have balconies positioned fortuitously across from eligible singles or that kind of sheer luck. If you’re politically motivated, you might meet someone at a protest, one of the few types of large gatherings that’s allowed during quarantine. At least, then you know they share your political views. But the great majority of in-person events have been cancelled or postponed and most bars, clubs, hotels, nonessential stores and restaurants are closed.  Gone are the days of hooking up with a hottie at the club. Gone is the fated rendezvous at the local bookstore or coffee shop. As for something to do together on that first, second or 10,000th date, gone are those simple nights of “dinner and a movie.” Hopefully, this state of human physical isolation is temporary, and the new vaccine will free us soon to meet again. But right now as of this writing, the American Covid-19 death and hospitalization count is surging, it feels like the physical world has become a vast social wasteland as the virus, like Thanatos the Angel of Death,  sweeps its poisonous way, through our lives. Virtues of Virtual Dating In the meantime, just beyond the physical world, there’s a gigantic universe of souls awaiting your connection just a few keyboard strokes or phone pad taps away. Hopefully, those “souls” are connected to real living human beings and not bots or fake accounts. Such is one of the many risks of dating in cyberspace. It’s a risk well worth taking, especially during a pandemic when, outside of balconies, protests and masked-up meetings in Whole Foods, there isn’t much choice. For many singles, that means a dating app. The type of app depends on what you’re looking for, some temporary fun or marriage and a family? For instance, if you’re looking for a more serious relationship, you might try Hinge, which allows you to set your relationship preferences, then curates your matches in terms of ideals and interests, lowering your chances of being matched with Mr., Ms. or Dr. Wrong. It also recently added a “Date from Home” feature, which allows you to video chat with people you’ve messaged. Regarded by many as the Holy Grail of hookups, Tinder is one of the biggest dating sites. Perhaps because it’s so popular, it can involve a lot of swiping before you find someone worth putting on your mask, not to mention getting off your couch, to break quarantine and actually meet. In most societies, though we ladies tend to flirt with our eyes (still possible, even with a mask!), men are traditionally expected to initiate verbal contact. The Bumble dating app bucks tradition by only allowing women to send the first message, i.e., make the first move. If the woman doesn’t respond to the match in 24 hours, the connection is lost. This is very bonobo in terms of female empowerment, giving women some control in a time where many are bombarded with unwanted messages and, let’s face it, dick pics (precursors to Zoom Dick, they’re still flourishing and mostly nonconsensually). However, what’s great for some isn’t the best for others, and Bumble can be frustrating for shy gals and more dynamic guys. OK Cupid is considered best for providing accurate matches based on preferences, sexual orientations and gender identities. It lets you set your preferences regarding family, religion, political leanings (crucial these days) and Zodiac sign. It even lets you use certain Covid stances, like lack of Covid safety, as deal-breakers. The main problem with OK Cupid is that, unlike Tinder or Bumble, you may get caught in an avalanche of unwanted messages. Just like love itself, no dating site is perfect for everyone. What about special interests? According to a recent article by Digital Trends, top sites catering to hobbies or orientations include Kippo, (for gamers), HER (LGBTQ+ women), Pure (good for hookups) or NuiT (astrology buffs), and then there are the more traditional websites like Match and Plenty of Fish which still lead the pack in popularity for singles of all ages seeking relationships of all kinds. Advertising for Love Just about all of these dating apps and sites require that you post at least one photo and a description of yourself. If you’re not used to singing your own praises without sounding like a lame duck, this could be a daunting task. If you need some guidance, check out my classic book, Advertising for Love: How to Play the Personals (William Morrow Publishers). It may be over 35 years old, but it predicted the current online dating boom and, though dating apps are a lot quicker than those old newspaper personal ads, you still have to write something catchy, not too threatening, humorous but not offensive, honest but enticing. With all the advances in technology, you’re still essentially advertising for love. Of course, you don’t have to confine your search for a soulmate, addition to your polycule, hot phone sex or whatever your locked-down heart desires to dating apps. Lots of people meet the new love of their life on “traditional” social media sites, like Twitter or Instagram, or hook up with old flames through Facebook (links go to my accounts because, hey, I’m always looking to make new friends!). But no, LinkedIn is not a dating service; no matter how awesome you think you are, don’t try to hook up with people hoping for job offers. Speaking of mixing business and pleasure, don’t be like Jeffrey Toobin and catch a bad case of “Zoom Dick”—which can be worse than the virus… for your career. It’s usually best to keep your sex and dating life separate from your online business meetings, insanely aroused as you might feel around your co-workers. There are exceptions, such as if the “work” you’re engaging in is sex work or if you fall in love with a co-worker, and you’re both ready to deal with the consequences… but even then, you shouldn’t do the cyber-equivalent of PDA (public displays of affection) during a work meeting. So, just take this as a general Zoom Dick Prevention rule, don’t pull it out in the wrong online meeting any more than you would on stage at a conference (hopefully you wouldn’t, and if you would, forget dating; you need sex therapy). There’s nothing wrong with showing off sexually; just do it in the right, consensual situation. Some social media sites actually encourage you to let your kink flag fly. Whether you’re an experienced Top or bottom, or just a kink-curious newbie, these sites let you learn as you connect with people. Probably the most popular kink-positive social media site is Fetlife. If you’re a little adventurous, check out Bonoboville, a great place to connect, show off, share your thoughts and/or find a prime mate!

Need to talk about dating, mating or anything else that you can’t talk about with anyone else? You can talk to us. Call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime 24/7 at 213.291.9497. We’re here for YOU.

  Getting to Know You… Once you’ve successfully advertised for love, and it appears some lucky person is interested in what you’ve got, congrats! Now it’s time to reap your dating reward and meet your potential mate IRL (in real life)… or is it? In these treacherous times, most single people opt to build a rapport online before meeting in person. Many daters try Zoom, FaceTime or other forms of video chat before taking that next big step to an IRL rendezvous. This alleviates some mystery so at least you can be pretty sure you’re not getting catfished, and it also helps you to get to know each other before taking the plunge…into going out and about in the midst of a pandemic. You may even choose to have the first few dates via video. Try a Zoom dinner (sure, Ramen’s okay, but do dress it up a bit) and a movie, cocktails, a smoke or whatever you’d like to share. Make it fun and festive, though splosh might be taking it a bit far... Of course, it’s not as much physical fun as in-person dating someone awesome.  But if you realize midway through your cyber-date that your date is an asshat, at least you don’t have to Uber your way home. You just have to come up with a credible excuse why you have to leave the chat a little early.  Have a few excuses handy, as in “Oooohhhh… this Ramen Alfredo is making me sicko!” or “Uh oh, Fido just knocked over the trash, and there are hypodermic needles in the driveway—gotta go!” Do not say you just got a text from your sister that your Mom caught Covid; that’s bad taste and very bad luck. One benefit of virtual dating is that your conversation won't be drowned out by restaurant din, club music or the raging drunk at the other end of the bar. You can even use your “sexy voice.” Another plus: no awkward moments when you have to figure out who picks up the check. Hey, if you keep your camera focused on your upper half, you don’t even have to wear pants! You may both feel so close, you decide to have cam sex or phone sex even before meeting IRL. That’s fine, just make sure the feelings are mutual and consensual before you strip down for your date. When in doubt, keep it “clean” and release your inner bonobo (tiger, horndog, pussy, anaconda or whatever applies) consensually, maybe in a webcam therapy session. Going Out IRL Eventually, unless you are both agoraphobic, you will want to meet IRL (in real life). At this point, you should know your date’s personality, philosophies, life goals, voice and appearance so well that the only thing that could turn one of you off is their smell. Then again, in the Coronapocalypse, you shouldn’t be getting close enough to detect such intimate aromas, at least not on the first IRL date. If it was difficult to plan and carry out an in-person date before, it’s double-tough in the Coronapocalypse. A walk through the park six feet apart? A masked brunch? If you’re cautious, you and your date should get a Covid test before meeting IRL. Yes, it’s a bit of a pain, but testing is getting easier in most places, and consider this: When you’re ready for sex, you’d probably get an STD test anyway, so with the pandemic, there’s just a little more testing involved. Even if you’ve both tested negative and you’re (presumably) Covid-free, wear your mask on first dates which are probably in public places and might involve all sorts of other people. Best to continue physically-distancing, even if you’re both tested, and especially if you aren’t. At least, if you live in a place where all the restaurants are closed, you’re not going to argue over where to eat! So, what to do together… especially when your area’s in quarantine? Even in lockdown mode, most local governments let you walk your dog (Fido’s got to go!), so if you both have pooches, take them for a stroll together… six feet apart. Careful the canines don’t get too friendly though; nonhuman animals can catch Covid too. True, it's not exactly a “hot date.” But look at it this way: Good teasing and foreplay usually makes sex a lot better and orgasms much deeper. So maybe all this getting to know each other while physical-distancing will enhance your erotic relationship if and when you’re finally in each other’s arms and humping each other’s brains out. No one’s saying it’s easy, but it’s possible to find love and lust in the Coronapocalypse, like AJ and Ronnie who met on the HER app. After getting to know each other virtually and then taking the necessary pandemic precautions, the pair, from two different states, decided to meet midway for a secluded night of hot romance… and as of this writing, they’re still sexy Pandemic Partners. As A.J. opines, “Who says you can’t find love in quarantine?” It happened for them. It can happen for you.

Need to talk about dating, mating or anything else that you can’t talk about with anyone else? You can talk to us. Call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime 24/7 at 213.291.9497. We’re here for YOU.

  Reach Out and Touch… Yourself! Not everyone is up for the challenge of finding love or even lust in the Coronapocalypse. If you’re happy being single (at least, for now) or exasperated with advertising for love, maybe it’s best you use this “down time” for self-love and improvement. Let’s start with self-improvement. Now’s a good time to get in shape (most gyms are closed, but you can exercise at home and take the time to eat healthier), start a new hobby, create some great Coronapocalyptic art, practice meditation, learn to play an instrument, write that screenplay that’s been in your head since you were 12, build a new business (not a restaurant or bar right now; something pandemic-friendly like an online shop), take a virtual class (how about a virtual kink class?), catch up on reading great books you never finished or watch some awesome old movies—all things likely to make you a more interesting, desirable partner by the time we get through this crazy pandemic and back into the swing of things. What about “self-love”? The term means many different things, of course. These include noble ideals of self-development and self-acceptance, as well as the earthier reality of self-pleasure. It’s great to exercise, eat healthy and “love yourself” platonically. But loving yourself erotically is also good for you, and it’s natural. Aside from grasping tree branches and smartphones, human fingers are made for stroking, strumming… and self-loving! As George Carlin said, “If God (or the Goddess) had intended us not to masturbate, S/He would have made our arms shorter”… and our fingers less adept. Bonobo fingers are made for self-love too. You see our close Great Ape cousins, the bonobos, as well as other primates, doing it so much in the zoo (when the zoo is open, which most are not these days), you might want to tell them to “get a room.” Of course, there’s no reason you can’t go bonobos for self-love all year around; but the Coronapocalypse is the perfect time for you self-love slackers to step up your game. Do it in memory of my beloved mentor, the Godmother of Masturbation, Dr. Betty Dodson, single for all but five of her 91 years, but never lacking for orgasms, thanks to her hands, her vibrator(s), a great imagination and a heart full of love. In my not-so-humble opinion, if self-love doesn’t include a little quality masturbation time, you’re not fully self-loving. In fact, you’re cheating yourself of one of the best parts. During isolation, you’re more than likely spending extra time with yourself, so why not really enjoy your own company? Exploring masturbation is the easiest, safest and most convenient way to enjoy sex during physical distancing, and also explore your body and desires. Just remember, wash your hands before you start choking that chicken or polishing that precious pearl! According to the New York City Department of Health “You are your own safest sex partner.” As backed by health professionals, masturbating is the best and safest way to enjoy sex without physical touch. And...it can also boost your immune system. Right now is also the perfect time to try new toys and positions. Invest in yourself and your pleasure. There are plenty of places to buy toys and sexual enhancement products online, including Dr. Block’s Pleasure Shoppe (currently under construction, but check it out!). Moreover, you don’t have to be “all by yourself” as you make self-love. Remember, we’re just physical-distancing, not social-distancing. So, feel free to socialize as you strum your sexual bass guitar, and maybe you’ll find someone to play with. As long as it’s consensual (no Zoom Dick work or family calls, please), like the old AT&T song said, you can “reach out and touch someone” (virtually)… while you touch yourself (literally). Of course, self-pleasuring isn’t dating, though Zonker in Doonesbury calls it “self-dating.” So, how will you go on this date with yourself? By car, plane, train or a bicycle built for two? What virtual sex medium is best for you? Sex-a-Phone Everyone has their preferred d’vice and method for erotic and/or intimate pleasures. My personal favorite is good old-fashioned phone sex. It’s a lot sexier than abstinence, safer than a hazmat suit and very stimulating in a sapiosexual way. It’s aural sex. You can enjoy it with a new partner (if they let you know they’re game, please don’t just start moaning or heavy-breathing on a casual phone call) or with a professional service. There should be no shame in calling a phone sex service for a little helping hand—especially in a pandemic! If you do feel ashamed of enjoying phone sex, well, then maybe you need phone sex therapy. I love the phone so much I wrote a poem about it:

This is an Ode to My Telephone, My plastic fantastic lover, my smooth operator, My companion, confidant, savior, friend. An ordinary yet revolutionary instrument that I press intimately against my ear and mouth. O, how I love thee, O Telephone, I touch your tones, your push-buttons that beckon invitingly, your mellifluous ring, your wiry ways, your voluptuously curling chord, your ever so receptive receiver, your amazing ability to communicate! To sing! To shout! To whisper secrets, confessions, fantasies, intimacies we’d never reveal face-to-face. Around the world and into the new, you transport my love, O Telephone, I touch your tones… You are my aural paramour.

Obviously, I’m a phone freak: phone sex, phone therapy and just chatting on the phone with a friend. I love the intimate conversation steeped in the romantic mystery of that voice in the dark. The phone is especially conducive to erotic hypnosis, guided masturbation and exploring the erotic theater of the mind. I’ve guided many women through their first orgasm, taken many men into fantasies they’ve never shared before, helped many trans people enjoy voyages of sexual discovery and much more. No doubt, the Coronapocalypse is lousy for most things, but it’s a great opportunity to explore new erotic horizons through phone sex.

Need to talk about anything that you can’t talk about with anyone else? You can talk to us. Call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime 24/7 at 213.291.9497. We’re here for YOU.

Cornoapocalyptic Cam Sex If you’re more visual, go ahead and bump uglies on webcam. Why not enjoy some consensual Zoom Dick—or Zoom Pussy—if it turns you on? However, Zoom itself is not a great place to get naked. In fact, some Zoom sex parties have been busted, as they are in violation of the platform’s “acceptable use” requirements. But fear not, there are many safe havens in cyberspace where you can release your inner exhibitionist consensually and without fear of being evicted from the platform by the Zoom Dick Police. These include Skibbel and Bateworld, which match you with another eager stranger who shares your desire to connect and possibly even your kinks, fantasies or fetishes. Other sites, like Chaturbate, Adult Friend Finder, Masturbate 2Gether, and The Wank Cam, let you be a voyeur and/or join in on the camming fun. Hook several of you together in a cam multiplex and you can have a veritable webcam orgy! Sexty Time If you’re self-isolating in the family room with your parents or kids, you might want to forego the camming and get into sexting. On second thought, maybe you shouldn’t be masturbating in the family room. Lots of people like sexting these days, mostly because they’re used to texting. Also, it is quieter and much easier to do with other people in the room than phone sex or camming. Then again, maybe some Sext Machines believe their erotic utterances to be sheer poetry. Maybe they are! Whatever the case, keep in mind that unlike phone conversations and webcam chats which are gone when you are (unless one of you hits record), sexts are almost always forever embedded in the memory of your—and your sext partner’s—phone. This has proven highly problematic for many sext lovers, including celebrities. But hey, if you don’t care if your auto-corrected declarations of passion and perversion are tweeted to the world, sext away! Whatever your d’vice of choice, carve out some private space and time for sexting, phone sex or Zoom sex. You might also benefit from erotic hypnosis (live or recorded) to help you enter the Erotic Theater of the Mind, achieve hands-free orgasm, or an enhanced sexual experience without touch. Or just ditch the d’vices, and do it yourself. Sometimes, with the right training and mindset, you can even hypnotize yourself. The possibilities are endless. No Time Like NOW If you haven’t self-loved yourself yet this pandemic, you’re overdue! Set the mood, buy yourself flowers and a dildo or vibrator, tell yourself you’re gorgeous (and make sure you really mean it!) give yourself a massage (c’mon, you can reach your feet) and make beautiful self-love. You deserve it. Whether you have a partner or not, don’t use the Coronapocalypse as an excuse to have bad sex or no sex. So what are you waiting for? Wash up and get busy!   © December 3, 2020. Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For information and speaking engagements, call 626-461-5950. Email her at [email protected].  Editorial Assistance on this article provided by Adriana Gomez-Weston 

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Need to talk about dating, mating, self-love, erotic hypnosis, fantasy roleplay, fetishes, problems, pleasures or anything else that you can’t talk about with anyone else? You can talk to us. Call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime 24/7 at 213.291.9497. We’re here for YOU.

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Adult Baby Diaper Fetish Comments Off on Adult Baby Diaper Fetish

Call [callus] by Dr. Susan Block.

Have you ever wanted to just be a baby again?

Do you get aroused by the idea—or the reality—of wearing diapers, being held by warm strong arms, nuzzling big soft breasts, suckling mama’s nipples, being spanked, being cuddled, coddled or just plain babied? Do you want to cry like a baby? Laugh like a baby? Mess your diaper like a baby? Be treated like a spoiled, cranky, naughty or very good, very special baby?

You’re not alone.

Do you need to talk about it privately and confidentially with someone who understands?

The Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute are experts in adult baby fetishes, diaper play and other types of sexuality, whether you want serious sex therapy or just an erotic phone sex or webcam experience. Call us anytime at 213-291-9497

 

Are you an Adult Baby Diaper Lover?

Everyone enjoys being "babied" sometimes, but some crave it some quite literally.

If you like roleplaying that you are a baby and/or wear diapers—either for sexual or nonsexual reasons—you may be an Adult Baby Diaper Lover (AB/DL).

You may enjoy enacting childhood activities such as crawling on the floor, playing with toys, sucking on a pacifier or talking in baby talk, or being cared for by a parent—a mommy or daddy (more on that later!)—or a babysitter.  Or perhaps just like to wear diapers, because the sensation of diapers might give you an erotic charge and/or a feeling of comfort which you can incorporate in your sexual relationships.

AB/DL, sometimes referred to as "infantilism," encompasses a wide spectrum, and anyone who identifies as such has their own definition of what it means to them and what they enjoy. Some people, like those who identify as adult toddlers, may want to just wear children’s clothes and not be entirely helpless. Others yearn to hand over total control to a “dominant” caregiver, letting them take care of everything, from reading them books at bedtime to making their food (which consists mostly of baby food, snacks, or whatever the adult baby desires) to even changing their dirty “diapees,”  There are also adult bed-wetters, who find comfort and/or excitement in peeing in bed or “messing” their diapers.

Many enjoy AB/DL in a BDSM (Bondage & Discipline/Dominance & Submission/Sadomaschism) context, with a Domme acting as Mommy—a “Dommy Mommy”—or a “Daddy Dom” providing discipline, like spanking or flogging, or gagging with a pacifier.

   

AB/DL Misconceptions

Long-time misconceptions of people who identify as AB/DL have been images of lazy, unappealing older men, who use the AB/DL moniker to give credence to their need for someone to take care of them.

That might be true of some, but many AB/DLs are high-functioning, independent people in the real world, and very capable of caring for themselves. Many are CEOs, bankers, college students, lawyers, professors—even world leaders (one prominent big baby comes to mind)—or otherwise ordinary folks. Sometimes their demanding, intensive schedules and always-in-control, high-pressure lifestyles feed into their need to check into their AB/DL personas to hand over control to someone else.

AB/DLs are also not pedophiles; this is yet another common misconception due to the link between childhood regression and sexuality. The vast majority of AB/DLs do not want to have sex with kids, they want to be kids.

Anyone within the AB/DL community will be quick to tell you that AB/DL is a roleplaying fantasy between consenting adults only, not with any real children at all.

 

Why Do You Like Diapers?

There is no single, definitive “cause” for AB/DL desires.

Furthermore, there is not likely to be just one reason that you long to return to your diaper-wearing days and suck on a pacifier as an adult. Like most fetishes and sexual interests, your desire probably stems from a combination of experiences, tendencies and needs.

One likely root of your AB/DL fetish would be your need to feel supported, nurtured, comforted or controlled. Perhaps you want to release your “inner child” to escape the pressures, responsibilities and the hypocrisy of adult life, if only temporarily. Hard-to-handle feelings of adult guilt—real or imagined—may drive you to seek the innocence of babyhood.

Your fetish for diapers might also relate to how you were toilet trained, especially if your toilet training was somehow difficult. Perhaps you experienced some trauma related to your childhood, and your AB/DL feelings are a way of coping with that. You may have received too much or not enough attention as a child, so you crave the feeling of being nurtured and/or disciplined by a parent figure. Perhaps you also eroticize these feelings, though not all AB/DL are aroused sexually by indulging their fetish. For some, it’s just comforting.

Perhaps the feeling of a Huggie hugging your bottom turns you on or just helps you to feel more secure in your daily life, secretly sporting your Bambinos under your Chinos. 

Then again, you might have real-life medical issues that require you to wear diapers 24/7.  Not every adult who has to wear diapers eroticizes them; in fact, most don’t. But many do, and sexualizing those diapers that you have to wear anyway can help you to feel good about something that otherwise might feel shameful, onerous or uncomfortable.

Did you know that astronauts often wear diapers? Called Maximum Absorbency Garments (MAG), these are adult-sized diapers with extra absorption material that NASA astronauts wear during liftoff, landing, and extra-vehicular activity (EVA) to absorb urine and feces. Wonder if some of those Space Force cadets are AB/DL…

However, most AB/DL don’t have to wear diapers; they just like to.

If you’re just beginning to understand your interest in diapers or your desire to suck your thumb, eat dinosaur-shaped cereal or wear cartoon-covered onesies, you might want to take some time exploring it on your own before trying to share it with someone new in your life.

Certain toys, clothes, or behaviors might trigger your AB/DL side, or perhaps activities like watching cartoons or G-rated movies, using baby talk or messing your diaper. Take time to try different scenes to examine what feels best for you.

Do you enjoy having sex in a diaper? Lots of AB/DL do, whether it’s masturbation, oral, BDSM-oriented or just “regular” sexual intercourse with the added spice of one or both partners wearing diapers and/or doing age play.

Every adult baby, diaper lover, little, adult toddler, sissy baby, diaper boy, diaper girl, etc. is different, and it takes time to understand why this fetish speaks to you. If you need to talk about it, give us call at 213.291.9497. We’re here for you and all your adult baby needs.

AB/DL and “Little” Kink

If you enjoy living your AB/DL fantasies in a kink-specific context, AB/DL crosses over quite often into BDSM. Instead of being called an adult baby or diaper lover, some kinksters are called “littles” while their caregivers are often called Bigs, Daddies or Mommies.

The relationship between a little and a Big can be similar to that of a sub and a Dom/me where the Big/Daddy/Mommy provides Dominant support to their submissive little.

Littles can be of any gender, age or sexual orientation. If you are the little, your Dom/me may nurture, discipline and/or control you. In certain relationships, you may enjoy soiling your diaper in order to get humiliated by their Mommy or Daddy. Usually this involves water sports, but could include Coprophagia, a.k.a., a feces fetish.

Not all littles identify as babies or toddlers; they just enjoy pretending to be young, usually in the context of “age play.”

Just like other types of submissives may go into “subspace” in a BDSM session, you may experience “little space,” a pleasant, out-of-control, often ecstatic, sometimes orgasmic feeling, like being “in the zone.”

Little space can be triggered in different ways, from the Dommy Mommy or Daddy uttering certain sounds or phrases, being babied, controlled, spanked or disciplined in other ways that turn you on or take you on a trip into a dream world where you feel like you really are the little baby of your fantasies.

Challenges of AB/DL

Many AB/DLs live in shame and have difficulty accepting this facet of their personality and/or sexuality, let alone disclosing it to anyone else.

However you feel, it’s okay to feel that way. But it certainly helps your sense of well-being to feel good about yourself and your sexuality.

Some try to stop AB/DL desires from occurring, but it’s usually impossible to stop your own desires. You can control what you do and how you behave, but you can’t control what you think or how you feel. Nevertheless, lots of people try, throwing away their diapers as they vow never to wear them again, then buying more when the urge gets irresistible, called “binge and purge” syndrome. Sometimes they can go without their fetish for years, but usually it comes back in some way. These back-and-forth patterns often create frustration, rage, stress, insecurity and even depression.

To help you with this, you might want to get into therapy. Of course, not many therapists, even sex therapists, are knowledgeable or understanding of AB/DL. Some therapists might be judgmental. Some erroneously believe in the misconceptions listed above and might even make an AB/DL feel worse about their feelings than they did before they went into therapy!

Unfortunately, there also isn’t a lot of research dedicated to understanding AB/DL, so you probably won’t find as much information online about it as you would about other common fetishes.

However, you can talk about it with the Therapists Without Borders at the Dr. Susan Block Institute. Several of us are experts in adult baby fetishes, diaper play and other aspects of AB/DL, whether you want serious sex therapy or just an erotic phone sex or webcam experience. Call us anytime 24/7 at 213-291-9497.

Whether you get into therapy or not, it’s important to know that there is nothing wrong with being an AB/DL. It’s not illegal or unethical, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

That said, it’s not for everyone. In fact, it’s not for most people.

That’s okay; you don’t have to share it with everyone—just an understanding therapist, sex worker, lover or friend is usually enough.

Dating can be especially challenging for AB/DLs.

Nevertheless, it’s possible, and if you’re patient and lucky, it can be fantastic.

In some cases a partner may even feel moved to participate and share in an AB/DL’s roleplay, enacting the role of the caretaker by feeding their beloved adult baby milk from a bottle, reading them a bedtime story, speaking to them in baby talk, spanking them and/or changing their diaper. As with all sexual activities, it’s important that couples negotiate their expectations and boundaries.

Not all AB/DL play involves sex, so some people enjoy adult baby play with no sex involved.

If it proves difficult for you to get into a relationship with someone who will enjoy AB/DL with you, consider booking a session with a sex worker, escort, dominatrix or other professional who specializes in AB/DL. There’s nothing wrong with going to a sex worker, and it might be perfect for you, especially if you’re shy about bringing it up to someone in a dating context.

Escorting should be decriminalized, and it is in some states. Even if it’s not legal in your area, much adult baby play doesn’t involve sex anyway, so you needn’t worry about legalities.

That doesn’t mean you should give up on finding someone special with whom to share your fetish. Rest assured, there are people out there who are open to learning more about AB/DL. They may be interested for their own reasons, or they may get involved just because they love their partner and want to do what they enjoy.  

Loving an AB/DL

Is someone you love an adult baby?

Loving an AB/DL doesn’t require expertise in the subject, but does demand some compassion, understanding and acceptance.

Having your partner come out to you as an Adult Baby Diaper Lover can be rather shocking, especially when you aren’t familiar with AB/DLs. There’s nothing wrong with you if you’re shocked, but that doesn’t mean you should expect your AB/DL lover to toss their Pampers in the trash and forget about them from now on. They can’t and they won’t. If they never bring it up to you again, rest assured that they are simply enjoying their fetish when you are not around. They may even be doing it with someone else. Regardless, they are still thinking about it and feeling bad about your intolerance, whether it makes them feel ashamed, angry, depressed or just frustrated.

However, if you’re open minded, or at least willing to hear them out, ask questions about their specific experiences and fantasies, and do a little research (start by carefully reading the previous sections), you can learn where they’re coming from and how you might fit in. Some AB/DLs are fine just acting out their fantasy by themselves or around you. Others prefer that you participate, usually as a caretaker or fellow baby. Some want to incorporate diapers into sex.  

This might be a deal-breaker for you, and that could be painful for both of you. But better to break up now than suffer in silence or expect them to forget their desires as you go along as if nothing’s different.

If you do want to maintain the relationship, you need to be open and understanding, and you might find yourself surprised that it’s not as bad as you feared. Maybe you’ll even have fun with it. It might even turn you on!

Nevertheless, your own comfort level is as important as theirs. All sexual and interpersonal activity should be consensual. You should try new things, stretch your boundaries and expand your horizons. There’s nothing wrong with doing something that doesn’t turn you on just because it makes your partner feel good. They probably do things just to make you happy sometimes. Just don’t do anything you really don’t want to do.

You might find that you enjoy some AB/DL activities, but not others. For instance, maybe you enjoy feeding your adult baby, tickling them, talking baby talk or giving them a good spanking, but you are not up for changing their diapers. Don’t be afraid to assert your boundaries. Just because you’re in love with an AB/DL doesn’t mean you have to give into all of your baby’s demands.

Want some tips on handling your adult baby—or your own emotions? Got questions or concerns? Call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute. We can help.

  Need to Talk about AB/DL? Still have questions? Not sure how to explore your Adult Baby Diaper Lover fetish by yourself or with a partner? Want to b

etter understand this aspect of your life? Are you in a relationship with an AB/DL and not sure how to handle it? Are you an AB/DL who wants to share this with your spouse, partner or someone new? It’s okay if there’s more you need to know. AB/DL is widely misunderstood, and it’s hard to find someone with whom to discuss, discover, explore and enjoy them.

Whatever your desires or concerns, you can talk about them with the Therapists Without Borders at the Dr. Susan Block Institute. Several of us are experts in adult baby fetishes, diaper play and other aspects of AB/DL. Whether you want serious sex therapy or just an erotic phone sex or webcam experience, we’re just a phone call away. Call us anytime 24/7 at 213-291-9497.

We’re here for you.

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GANGBANG Phone Sex Therapy Comments Off on GANGBANG Phone Sex Therapy

by Dr. Susan Block.

Are you thinking about gangbangs?

Do you ever fantasize about multiple men having sex with one woman? Do you imagine your wife, lover or favorite celebrity at the center of the action?  Would you want it to be with your friends or strangers? Have you ever participated in a gangbang? Would you like to try it?

Do you need to talk about it?

Being aroused by the idea of participating in a consensual gangbang is normal and a lot more common than you might realize.  You may want to act on your desire, or you may not. Regardless, though gangbangs and all forms of group sex are taboo in most modern human societies—and no one should ever take part in a nonconsensual gangbang—they remain part of our prehistoric primate heritage. Indeed, gangbangs have been going on since the dawn of humanity, for thousands of years before the concepts of monogamy and even fatherhood came into understanding.

Need to talk privately about gangbangs, group sex, swinging, cuckolding or any other form of recreational sex? call the world’s foremost experts, the Therapists Without Borders at the Dr. Susan Block Institute. Our team of highly qualified sex therapists, sex life coaches, fantasy roleplay performers, sexual psychodrama facilitators, erotic hypnotherapists and kink specialists are here for YOU anytime you need to talk.

Whether you want to better understand your own feelings and desires, act them out in real life, learn how to share them with your partner, work through past experiences, hear about our own experiences with gangbangs, or explore a fantasy over the phone, via webcam through sext therapy and/or in person, we’re here for you. Call 213-291-9497.

Why Do You Love Gangbangs?

Many gangbang enthusiasts are worried that their interest in gangbangs, threesomes “The Lifestyle” and other forms of group sex makes them “weird.” If that sounds like you, rest assured you’re not weird.

Human sexual history, in fact, is loaded with various kinds of group sex, including gangbangs. Unfortunately, much of it—way too much of it—has been by force, most notably and tragically during wartime. Unfortunately, when Hollywood movies, such as The Accused, depict gangbangs, though they don’t show genitalia like porn, they almost invariably show the horrible, nonconsensual kind.

However, some of the group sex that’s been going on since hunter/gatherer times has been consensual and a great pleasure, as well as a profoundly meaningful experience, for all involved. That includes gender-balanced swing parties, same sex orgies, one male with a “harem” of females, as well as one female having sex with multiple men.

So, there’s nothing new about group sex, including gangbangs. What is *new* is that the Internet allows us to learn more about what other people do than ever before in human history. Moreover, if we want, we can *hook up* with people who share our desires—including the desire to watch or partake in a good gangbang.

Search “gangbang” in google, and you’ll see megatons of gangbang porn, and the great majority appears to be enthusiastically consensual. According to PornHub.com, which received 42 billion visits in 2019, “threesome” was the 13th most popular search term and “gangbang” was the 19th most popular, putting both in the top 20.

But why is this? Aren’t we supposed to want to be with just one special lover? Why would sharing lovers with others turn us on?

 

Sperm Wars & the Upsuck Effect

The “Sperm Wars” phenomenon—where the womb becomes a battleground for sperm that fight like armies or football teams to get one of their sperm (the proverbial football) to the egg first—gives us a biological explanation of why gangbangs are so popular.

Studies show that a man’s sperm count tends to rise when competition to fertilize the egg of his wife or girlfriend appears to be high. Whether the man really has genuine rivals who are having sex with his partner or it’s just in his vivid imagination, his brain sends a message to his testicles that says, “Send in the army!” or “We need the whole football team, including reinforcements, for this game!”

In other words, “Make more sperm!”

Whether he’s excited and happy about the competition or jealous and angry, this phenomenon tends to give a man a stronger erection and a more explosive ejaculation. Of course, it’s better for everyone concerned if he’s more glad than mad, but that does explain why jealous, angry lovemaking or “makeup sex” can be so arousing for some people, despite their better judgment.

Conversely, sperm counts often decline in the routine sex of monogamous relationships, no matter how intimate and loving. Since the element of competition is missing, the brain’s message to the balls is, “You don’t need the whole football team to score this goal since there’s no rival team on the field. Conserve your resources and just send in a few runners.”

The shape of the human penis gives us another clue as to why gangbangs are so popular. A study by Gordon Gallup and coworkers (2003) concluded that one evolutionary purpose of the thrusting motion characteristic of intense intercourse is for the penis to “upsuck” another man’s semen before depositing its own. Thus a man’s urge to thrust, through intercourse or masturbation, is often enhanced by the presence of another man or several men, whether real or fantasized.

 

A Galaxy of Gangbangs

There are many different kinds of gangbangs.

There’s the beach party gangbang, a birthday gangbang, a soft-swing gangbang that involves outercourse instead of intercourse. It could be a spanking gangbang, a cuckold gangbang, an oral or an anal gangbang.

In terms of the participants, there’s the classic one-woman-with-a-male-gang scenario—and then there’s anything else that turns you and you partner(s) on.

Maybe you’re a man who longs to be gangbanged by other men, or perhaps by a group of women sporting strap-ons or squirting all over you.

Most men who imagine such scenarios don’t dare express their feelings, not to other men nor to the women in their lives, for fear of being humiliated… even if “humiliation” is part of the fantasy.

Need to talk about it privately with someone who understands? Call us at 213.291.9497.

 

Consent is Essential

As with any type of sexual activity, the most important element of a gangbang is consent. Fantasy gangbangs can involve whatever turns you on, but any real-life gangbang should require enthusiastic consent from all participants, especially the recipient, the person (usually, but not always, a female) who is at the center of the gangbang.

Otherwise, it’s a gang rape. Even if that turns you on in fantasy, it’s not something to ever participate in reality.

Keep in mind that, for many reasons, feelings of consent can change over the course of a few minutes or hours. So, it’s important to continually “check in” with the recipient to make sure she or he is “all right,” happy and eager for more.

At the first sign of reluctance on the part of the recipient, no matter how turned on everybody else is, the gangbang must stop.

Whether or not the gangbang is a success, it’s important to provide “after care,” especially to the recipient. This could take the form of hugs, drinks, food, help cleaning up, words of appreciation, a massage or whatever the recipient enjoys.

Need advice preparing your next gangbang soirée? We’ll help you to make sure it’s a success for all concerned. Call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute at 213.291.9497.

Are You a Cuckold?

"Cuckold" is an old English term for a man whose wife (often called a “hotwife”) has sex with other men (called “bulls”). In the 21st century, there has been a resurgence of interest in the cuckold's predicament, cuckold sex, cuckold fantasies, cuckold erotica, hot wives, big bulls, sperm wars and the cuckold lifestyle.

There’s also the cuckold gangbang, when the hotwife has sex with several bulls at one time. The gangbang may or may not include the cuckold himself.

There are many types of cuckolds: Submissive Cuckolds, Dominant Cuckolds, Sissy Cuckolds, Fantasy Cuckolds, Sapiosexual Cuckolds, Interracial Cuckolds, Small-Cock Cuckolds, Bi-Curious Cuckolds, Swinger Cuckolds, Spanked Cuckolds, Cuckolds-in-Bondage, Cuckolds-in-Chastity, Director Cuckolds, Cuckold Voyeurs, Cuckold Exhibitionists, Cheated-On Cuckolds, Trans Cuckolds, Reluctant Cuckolds, Humiliated Cuckolds, Happy Cuckolds and many more varieties.

Along with the growing popularity of cuckolding, there has been a growing acceptance of it as a “normal” sexual interest, even if it’s enhanced with a gangbang, as long as it’s all consensual.

Nevertheless, many men feel ashamed of their desire to be cuckolded, perhaps especially if it involves a gangbang. Such men tend to feel a whole lot better when they learn the “sperm wars” biological explanation for their desires, as well as just how common and “normal” these desires are.

Need to talk about sperm wars, cuckolding or gangbangs? Call the Dr. Susan Block Institute at 213-291-9497.

Group Sex & Swinging

There are many forms of group sex, from threesomes to orgies, polyamorous arrangements, swing parties and pansexual celebrations. Gangbangs are another form of group sex.

Group sex might sound very kinky for some, but it fulfills a very natural, human need to share erotic, orgasmic, loving experiences with multiple people, friends, loved ones and attractive strangers.  In a world that increasingly demands compartmentalization and isolation, there are few arenas left in which humans can share in this vital, life-affirming experience of communal ecstasy.

Different group sex formations are popular, such as the “daisy chain” in which participants perform oral sex on each other in circular formation.  

Some threesomes exhibit a gangbang flair, such as the “spit-roast,” where two males engage a female (or another male), with one penetrating from the rear, usually doggy style, while the female performs fellatio on the other male. There’s also “double-penetration” in which one male penetrates the lady’s vagina while the other enters her anus. If she goes down on another, that’s a triple-penetration.  Add a few more guys around them, watching, stroking themselves and waiting their turn, and you’ve got a classic gangbang.

 

Go Bonobos for Gangbangs

Gangbangs and other forms of group sex are very common amongst our closest genetic cousins, both common chimpanzees—who are more likely do it non-consensually—and especially bonobos —who usually do it with enthusiastic consent and are thus far more worthy of our emulation. 

In fact, the sexual behavior of all the great apes is a fascinating window into how early human sexual behavior evolved, giving us vital clues as to why gangbangs are so arousing for so many people.

Many anthropologists agree that prehistoric humans often engaged in various forms of group sex for tens of thousands of years before the advent of farming and “civilization” started pressuring people, especially women, to be sexually monogamous.

Certainly, prehistoric humans participated in consensual gangbangs and other bonoboesque forms of recreational sex that are generally considered taboo in modern human society.

Do you yearn to liberate your inner bonobo… at least in the Erotic Theater of the Mind? Call us at 213-291-9497.

Bukkake Gangbangs

If you’re a porn fan, you probably know that “bukkake” is a Japanese term that refers to spraying the face and body of a person, usually a woman, though sometimes a man, with sperm from one, several or many men. The word actually means “splash” or “squirt” in Japanese. In some bukkake sessions, 150 men ejaculate onto one woman.

That’s some gigantic gangbang!

In American-style bukkake, the recipient acts like she’s enjoying herself, rubbing the sperm into her skin like a beauty treatment.

In Japanese-style bukkake, the recipient is more degraded, often acting like she is an unwilling participant (hopefully, it’s just an act). 

Legend has it that in ancient Japan, an adulterous woman would be dragged into the town square and tied up, whereupon every man in town ejaculated all over her in a frenzied bukkake gangbang. Basically, they seem to have been saying, “If you’re going to take it from a man other than you husband, you’re going to get it from everyone else. You’re going to be gangbanged.”

Some say it comes from the practice of stoning an unfaithful woman to death, and that bukkake is a “kinder, gentler” chastisement. Whether or not the legends are true, “bukkake” became a form of Japanese porn in the 1980s, grew in popularity, and now if you type “bukkake” into google, you’re likely to get hundreds of sites, even if you don’t spell it right.

Bukkake is so vivid and provocative, it can represent many different ideas and feelings. Years ago, in an antiwar context, I compared the “Shock & Awe” bombing of Iraq with bukkake (the nonconsensual kind) in Bukkake Bombing Crusade.

But back to consensual bukkake (even if it’s made to look forced) where nobody gets killed and, hopefully, everybody has fun and big orgasms, including the recipient.

By far the most common bukkake scenario is a group of males ejaculating on a female, but there are scenes where a group of women gangbang a man or woman, spraying the recipient with female ejaculate.  

Gay male bukkake gangbangs are also popular in which a group of men gangbang one male recipient, covering him in their creamy spunk.

Just the sight of all that semen can trigger the Sperm Wars effect in many guys—gay, straight or bi.

Banzai!

 

Gangbangs: Natural, Normal…But Not Easy

Just because a desire for gangbangs is natural and popular doesn’t mean it’s easy to make it happen in real life, especially in our erotophobic society. There are many variables with one-on-one sex, and group sex just ratchets up the possibilities for problems as well as pleasure.

For instance, say you’re a man with an intense gangbang fantasy that you’d really like to make happen in real life. But what if the woman (your wife? Your girlfriend? Your sex buddy?) isn’t as enthusiastic about being “gangbanged” as you are about seeing her in that situation? 

What if you can’t find the right guys? Where do you find them? How do you screen them? How do you handle safer sex? What if, despite the fantasy turning you on, the reality makes you jealous? What if people gossip about it, take photos without your permission or otherwise betray your trust?  How do you mix lust with trust?

Sometimes it helps to talk freely with someone who understands, won’t judge you and will help you. Whether you need more personalized advice or just want to roleplay a fantasy, call the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime at 213-291-9497

 

Are You a Gangbang Goddess?

Are you a woman who wants to be gangbanged? Congratulations! You are a very sexual female, and you deserve to enjoy the tremendous, unparalleled pleasures of group sex.

The good news is it probably won’t be tough for you to find partners who want to gangbang you. Just post an ad on a swinger site and watch the replies flood your inbox.

The bad news is that it’s not so easy to find partners you really like, feel attraction for and trust with your naked sexuality. It might take some time and patience to mix trust with lust to create the gangbang of your dreams.

Unfortunately, most modern societies around the world denigrate all forms of group sex, including consensual gangbangs. This can make your partner judge you harshly for confessing or expressing your desires. So, it’s usually best that you understand your feelings and the issues involved before divulging too much.

Most importantly, before you plunge into the deep end of gangbanging and group sex, make sure this is something you want to do, not just something your husband or lover wants you to do. Don’t grudgingly “go along” with a scene that doesn’t turn you on, like Paul Manafort’s wife is alleged to have done in their “interracial” gangbangs. Enthusiastic consent—on your part and the part of all involved—is the basis of a great gangbang or any kind of great sex at all.

Need to talk about how to turn your gangbang fantasy into reality?  Want to find out how to create the ultimate gangbang, whom to invite, what to serve and what to wear? Want to learn more about the origins of your personal gangbang desires? Or do you just want to enjoy guided masturbation as we explore the fantasy together?

Whatever you need to talk about, you can call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute and talk to one of our male, female,  trans or non-binary therapists of all ages over 18 with great gangbang knowledge, experience and erotic appreciation.

Whether you’d like to get a better understanding of your fetish, get some tips for talking to your partner about it, work through past experiences, hear about our  experiences with gangbangs, or just explore gangbangs in the Erotic Theater of the Mind over the phone, via webcam through sext therapy and/or in person, we’re here to help.  Call us anytime at 213-291-9497.

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BONOBO WAY bound for DOMCON LA 2019 Comments Off on BONOBO WAY bound for DOMCON LA 2019

LOS ANGELES, Calif., Apr. 30, 2019 — Susan M. Block, Ph.D., a.k.a., “Dr. Suzy,” internationally renowned sexologist, talk show host and best-selling author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure, will deliver an updated reprise of her acclaimed talk, FemDoms of the Wild: The Bonobo Way of BDSM, at DOMCON LA 2019 on Saturday, May 11, 2019 1-2 p.m.in Room B1 of the Hilton Hotel LAX.

“I’m really looking forward to returning to the fabulous, kinky world of DomCon,” says Block, “and so excited to share more about how bonobos, the amazing peace-through-pleasure-loving FemDoms of the Wild, can empower human kinksters and humanity in general.” Inspired by the real-life bonobo apes, our closest living primate relatives, Block will deliver her popular, practical, sapiosexual, multi-media DomCon presentation with an updated outlook on current events and trends, from Trumpanzee politics to Bonobo BDSM, #MeToo (bonobo-style), the SESTA/FOSTA challenge, going bonobos to slow climate change, bisexuality/pansexuality and "incel" therapy in a natural femocracy.

Accompanying her talk will be fascinating film footage of bonobos in the wild and the zoo, as well as live human Commedia Erotica dramatization, topping it all off with Bonobo Way book-spankings. Block wrote the definition of “erotic spanking” (as well as “cuckolding,” “sexual fetishes,” “phone sex” and “striptease”) for the Wiley-Blackwell International Encyclopedia of Human Sexuality), and she is about to publish a new “Spank ‘n’ Art” issue of Dr. Block’s Speakeasy Journal. “Adult consensual impact play, BDSM and even a little loving erotic humiliation have great healing power for bonobos as well as humans,” observes Block. “Consider how the brief spanking that Stormy Daniels gave a certain exceedingly narcissistic future president made him stop bragging about himself long enough to have an almost normal conversation—and sex (albeit ‘mediocre’)!”

“Dr. Suzy is phenomenal!” declared world-renowned domina, Goddess Soma Snakeoil, after attending last year’s packed presentation. “I loved this class. It was such a joy, and I learned so much!”

In this year's Commedia Erotica dramatizations, Block will be assisted by her Dr. Susan Block Show assistant, Blossom Green, as well as “Most Well-Rounded Kinkster” SUZY award winner, MFA and award-winning filmmaker Rhiannon Aarons, Block Institute sex therapist Del Rey and more TBA, demonstrating bonobo play, conflict resolution,"hoka hoka" and female empowerment, “penis fencing” and male well-being and the "Trust Game."

“In 2019, bonobo culture is more timely than ever,” Block continues. “Women are taking power in Congress and the bedroom. It’s awesome, but some people are afraid it’s ‘unnatural.’ Bonobos show us that female empowerment and male well-being are not at odds in nature, and together, they create sustainable peace through pleasure. Unlike humans and all the other Great Apes, bonobos have never been seen killing each other in the wild or captivity. How do they do this, and can we humans learn to release our ‘inner bonobos’ before it’s too late? At this especially turbulent point in human history, it’s worth a try.”

Times are also turbulent for the highly endangered wild bonobos, now in critical danger of extinction, thanks to human degradation of their natural habitat in the Congolese Rainforest, especially bushmeat hunting. “Bonobo conservation is integral to the Bonobo Way,” asserts Block. “If we lose the bonobos, then we will lose a key to peace through pleasure we can never find again.”

Besides DomCon 2018, 2017, 2016 and 2015, Block has presented The Bonobo Way of Inclusivity at AASECT 2016 in San Juan, Puerto Rico, and she will be delivering The Bonobo Way of Transformational, Healing Pleasure at AASECT 2019. She presented The Bonobo Way of Ecosexuality as the keynote speech at the University of Puerto Rico, Mayagüez, for the world’s first Ecosexuality Symposium at an academic institution, and at UC Berkeley for the 5th Conference on Monogamy & Nonmonogamy, as well as The Bonobo Way of Inclusivity at AASECT, the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors & Therapists. Recently, she spoke on writing The Bonobo Way at Yale University (her alma mater), and presented The Bonobo Way of Great Sex at Adultcon LA. She has also spoken about the Bonobo Way at USC, UCLA and Caltech, for MENSA and the Young Presidents Organization. These presentations and others are made possible, in part, thanks to Malcolm Jones and the Bonobo Way Female Empowerment Outreach Project.

Throughout DomCon, Dr. Block will wear latex outfits designed by Demask Latex and The Latex Store.

Founded by Mistress Cyan St. James, DOMCON LA is “the world’s largest professional and lifestyle domination convention.” DomCon LA 2019 will be held May 8-12. FemDoms of the Wild: The Bonobo Way of BDSM is scheduled for 1-2 PM on Saturday, May 11, 2019. Get tickets here. For a taste of what’s to come, watch last year’s The Bonobo Way at DomCon LA. For information about Dr. Block’s appearances at DomCon 2019 or to arrange an interview, please call 310-568-0066.

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HUMANS LOVE THE BONOBO WAY

“The Bonobo Way is a refreshing must-read for our times. Dr. Susan Block pushes the envelope and brings us the truth about bonobos and ourselves—with wit, intelligence and sexual positivity all balancing on a fulcrum of fascinating hard science.” —Dr. Patti Britton, American Association for Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) Past President

“Impactful, often hilarious… wildly entertaining… The Bonobo Way just might hold the key to world peace.” —HUFFINGTON POST book review by Steve Karras

“The Bonobo Way is sexy and fun... damn smart too.” —Sex at Dawn, author Christopher Ryan, Ph.D.

“The Bonobo Way is a pleasure on all counts... and especially significant at this time.” —Dr. SerenaGaia Anderlini D’Onofrio, co-editor of Ecosexuality

“Bravo Dr. Block for paving the way to a hopefully more bonobo future.” —Vanessa Woods, Duke University primatologist and author of Bonobo Handshake

“Brilliant. A great book about human sexuality and how reverting to an evolutionary path can divest the human race from its aggression and violence.” —Sherry Rehman, Pakistan's Ambassador to the U.S. (2011-15)

“Amazing! Dr. Susan Block is an ecosexual visionary.” —Annie Sprinkle, Ph.D., ecosexual artist and filmmaker

“The Bonobo Way is marvelous! A happy book for a happy life in a happier world.” —Xaviera Hollander, author of The Happy Hooker

“Awesome book... Excellently written and transformative” —Dorion Sagan, science writer and author of Death & Sex

“Dr. Susan Block has a new understanding of how to enhance our intimate relationships!” —Progressive News Network interview with Dr. Diana Wiley

“Adventure, optimism, and love is what Dr. Susan Block is all about… Patients become fans, and fans become evangelists.” —CITIZEN LA Inside the Pleasure Compound with Dr. Susan Block

“AMAZING… The Bonobo Way shines a light on humanity’s capacity for peace.” —Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, author of Wired to Create

"The Bonobo Way will save our planet! Dr. Susan's insight into sexuality is not only incredible...it is also the sexual revolution, easily mapped out, that we have been waiting for." --Tracy Vanity, blogger

“I love every page of The Bonobo Way!” —Christian Bruyère, producer of Champions of the Wild

The Bonobo Way is available in kindle and paperback on Amazon or direct from the publisher. A portion of all proceeds from book sales goes to Lola ya Bonobo, the Bonobo Conservation Initiative and the Bonobo Project, as well as other organizations actively helping to protect and save the highly endangered wild bonobos from extinction.

Tired of conventional sexuality experts? Dr. Block is available for comment or interview. Would you like to review The Bonobo Way? Contact us today.

David Rossi Phone: 626-461-5950 Email: [email protected] Web:thebonoboway.com Watch the Video: http://j.mp/TBWyouTubeTrailer

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Love lingerie? Like sexy panties, stockings, garter belts, diaphanous robes, cute teddies, slinky slips, bras, corsets, old-fashioned girdles or pantyhose? What about materials? Do you prefer silky or lacy lingerie, satin, chiffon, nylon, fishnet, latex, spandex or pure simple cotton? How about colors? Sultry black? Virginal white? Fire-engine red? Classic navy? Sparkly silver or gaudy gold? Passionate purple? Vintage ivory? Hot pink? Do you love to look at your lovers in lingerie, feel the sensuous material, smell the intimate aroma... or wear it yourself? Whether you've got a full-blown lingerie "fetish" or just an erotic interest, you can talk about it with the lingerie-loving Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime 24/7. Rest assured, your privacy is paramount, and everything you share with us is absolutely confidential. Let us help you explore, understand and enjoy your interest in lingerie and anything else you need to talk about that you can't talk about with anyone else. You can talk to us, and we are here for YOU. And yes, of course, you can masturbate, if you want, during sessions. And no, there is no sex therapy center or phone sex service quite like ours. Call us anytime: 213-291-9497.   Read More
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Click Here to RSVP to attend this show in the “Speakeasy” studio audience this Saturday, or call 626.461.5950 (you can call anytime; someone is always here). Studio doors open at 9:30 pm. Studio Members FREE. Membership Has Its Pleasures.

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Click Here to RSVP to attend this show in the “Speakeasy” studio audience this Saturday, or call 626.461.5950 (you can call anytime; someone is always here). Studio doors open at 9:30 pm. Studio Members FREE. Membership Has Its Pleasures.

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