Search results back to homepage
|
KINK
Comments Off on KINK
“Sex comes to most of us with a twist.” ―Iris Murdoch, The Nice and the Good Kink is in the air, whether it shocks you to your core or leaves you wanting more. Kink is everywhere, in the clothes you dare to wear, the body parts you bare, the language(s) you speak and even the foods you eat. Kinks of various kinds pervade art, entertainment, media, technology, business, sports, gaming, politics and protest, not to mention human sexuality, romances, relationships and your deepest secret fantasies. Personally, I enjoy a variety of kinks (see below), and I often mix them, like tasty spices and saucy sauces, into the main meal of my marriage. As a sexologist and sex therapist in private practice for over 30 years, as well as a talk show host and best-selling author who deals with sensitive sexual subjects, I’ve helped thousands of people to accept, express and enjoy their kinky feelings, handle their related problems, and share their kinks and fetishes consensually with fellow adult kinksters, or even with someone new. Very often, helping someone to handle their kink(s) is a gateway to guiding them into a better, healthier, happier life in general. So… how kinky are you? Do you want to be kinkier? Or maybe not so kinky? Is your favorite kink an erotic pleasure beyond compare or a deep dark secret you’re afraid to share? Or is it a complex kinky combo of the two?The Joy of KinkCome with me on a fascinating, stimulating, sex educational journey through the dazzling and powerful, yet often perplexing and hazardous world of kink in history, art, entertainment, relationships, fashion, food, religion, politics, protest, love, war and your brain. First, let’s define our terms. In conversation, dissertations and pillow talk, people use the word “kink” to convey a multitude of ideas, objects, turn-ons, turn-offs, activities and fantasies in a million different ways, some of which are “kink-positive,” others negative, and many are very confused.Virtually any fetish could be considered kinky, though a kink isn’t necessarily a fetish.So, what does kink mean? Before the word entered the sexual lexicon, the original meaning of “kink” was—and still is—a “twist,” “bend,” “curve” or “turn,” such as a “kink” in the road or “kinky hair.” The word kink was first recorded in the 1670s as a Dutch nautical term for a twist or knot in a rope, probably related to the Old Icelandic or Norse kikna, meaning “to bend at the knees.” Over a century later, in 1803, U.S. President and consummate wordsmith Thomas Jefferson took the word “kink” out of the mundane world of ropes and roads and into the psychological realm by writing about a “mental twist, a whim.” With all those knotty ropes, bent knees and twisted Jeffersonian whims, I’m sure many 19th century individuals *in the know* were saying—or at least whispering—the word “kinky” to describe or at least suggest bent, curvy or twisted sex, as well. After all, an erotic kink is also a twist, curve or turn away from conventional, “straight” and narrow, “vanilla,” penis-in-vagina (PIV) sexual activity between husband and wife for procreational purposes only, under the covers with the lights out. Anything else would be fair game to be designated kinky, and by the mid-20th century, it officially was. The problem was—and still is—that so many people have such strong disapproving opinions about unconventional sexuality, that they can’t resist imposing negative value judgments on kink… even in dictionaries! I’ll bet you know people like that. I certainly do. As of this writing, Dictionary.com defines kink as “bizarre or unconventional sexual preferences or behavior” and the Cambridge Dictionary explains it as “a strange habit, usually of a sexual nature.” Bizarre? Strange? While these definitions might have some validity—and giggle value (if you’re into poking fun at your own kinks)—they are disdainful and kink-negative. Sure, some kinks are a little “bizarre,” like my sex therapy client who enjoys getting tarred and feathered, Puritan punishment-style. Then there’s my ammosexual client who imagines being cuckolded by AR-15-brandishing cartoon characters with even bigger weapons between their legs. However, kinks can be as sweet and wholesome as apple pie… especially if your kink is for splosh. With a hat tip to Alex Comfort, whose Joy of Sex: A Gourmet Guide to Lovemaking was a Bible for the Sexual Revolution of the 1970s, come let us explore the joy of kink.Need to Work the Kinks Out?“Girl, you really got me goin' You got me so I don't know what I'm doin' Yeah, you really got me now You got me so I can't sleep at night” —The Kinks In many definitions, “kink” denotes something that needs to be fixed or straightened out…such as “a kink in your back” (ouch!) or the idea that “we need to work out the kinks.” That could be true, as The Kinks themselves would sing, your kinks could keep you up all night or get you into trouble. However, it’s just as possible that exploring your kinks—consensually and responsibly—turns out to be one of the greatest, most exciting, most meaningful, healing, enlightening and therapeutic parts of your life. It could even work out that nasty kink in your back!Is a Fetish a Kink?A kink can be physical or psychological, and usually, it’s both. The same is true of a sexual fetish, which is a profound, undeniable, erotic desire for something. It can be anything, but not just anything. A fetish is something special—at least, for the fetishist. It could be for an inanimate object, activity or situation. It could be a yearning for something, perhaps an article of clothing, such as high heels, lingerie, a boot or a burqa; or a body part, like breasts, butts, feet or hair. One could also have a fetish for an activity, like watching, being watched, spanking or being spanked; or a situation, such as a mistress/slave, teacher/student, doctor/patient, seductress/neophyte, goddess/gangbang or cuckold/hotwife/bull relationship. Some psychologists call this strong, deep-seated, sometimes compulsive, erotic need a “paraphilia,” but that’s medically loaded, so we’ll stick with “fetish” for now. Whatever the fetish object, activity or situation might be, the fetishist invests great power into it. The fetish object might exude great sexual power for the fetishist, great religious power, or perhaps a mixture of both. In the classic sense, the sexual fetishist requires the fetish object—or at least, a fantasy of the fetish object—in order to have sex. The male fetishist needs this thing, activity, situation or fantasy to get an erection; he cannot get excited without it, and he may become obsessed with it. For the human female, sexual arousal and fetishism are a little more mysterious and difficult to pinpoint. One could say that the female fetishist needs the fetish object to desire or enjoy sex. More often, it seems that human females attempt to excite male fetishistic desire. So, what’s the difference between a kink and a fetish? Technically, the term “kink” doesn’t indicate the same intense need as the term “fetish.” Virtually any fetish could be considered kinky, though a kink isn’t necessarily a fetish. That’s the clinical difference, but in the real world, there’s a lot of overlap, and people often use the terms interchangeably. Kink can be good, bad or neutral for the individual, the couple and/or society. Usually, I think, kink is good! Read on to find out why…Are You into Taboo?“If I tell you If I tell you now Will you keep on Will you keep on loving me? If I tell you If I tell you how I feel Will you keep bringing out the best in me? You give me the sweetest taboo... …. There's a quiet storm And it never felt this hot before Giving me something that's taboo” —Sade Kink can be a little—or a lot—taboo. It may be as public, legal, harmless and heart-warming as wearing a diamond-studded collar with a heart locket given to you by your beloved spouse. Nevertheless, there is always a forbidden “Sweetest Taboo,” a transgressive element to kink, something that’s a little (or a lot) “off” the beaten track, with an edge of danger, even if trust is strong and all safety precautions have been taken. The word taboo stems from the Fijian “tabu,” Polynesian “tapu” and Hawaiian “kapu,” all of which mean “not to be touched.” This is not because the taboo object is gross or dirty, but because it is extremely sacred, a religious object forbidden to the uninitiated. Interestingly, many such sacred objects were and are phallic in nature, such as a flute, spear, baton or totem pole, or round and vaginal like a bowl, chalice or the Holy Grail. Of course, these strict prohibitions render the “tabu” very intimidating, but they also make the uninitiated extremely curious and perhaps aroused by touching—or just thinking about touching—that which is taboo. As the great French mid-20th century erotic philosopher, Georges Bataille, said, “transgression” is a cornerstone of human eroticism. That is, sometimes we’re turned on by something we also find wrong, shameful, humiliating or forbidden. In Eroticism: Death & Sensuality, Bataille discussed civilized humanity’s ongoing struggle between sensuous pleasure and shame that generates eroticism and, to a certain extent, kink.Shame is a horrible feeling... [but it] is also an essential component of the forbidden boundaries that we find so exciting to transgress, tease, crisscross, break, spank, overthrow or just throw out the window of inhibition.A lot of people use the terms “shame” and “guilt” interchangeably. Though they are related, they mean very different things. You feel guilt when you feel badly about something you did, like cheating, stealing or hurting someone. In many cases, guilt is an appropriate feeling for having done wrong, though we often blow it out of proportion. You feel shame when you feel badly about who or what you are. Shame is almost never appropriate but, unfortunately, we all know the feeling. Shame is that terrible feeling of self-blame that comes over us like a hot flash of mortification following a perceived failure, or the fear of being disgraced. Unlike guilt, which is usually over something you did recently, shame is most often rooted in childhood trauma. One of the worst aspects of childhood trauma-rooted shame is that it tends to inhibit us—sexually and otherwise—through adulthood. So, shame is really bad, right? Well, yes, for the most part, shame is horrible, painful, debilitating, irrational and can lead to harming yourself or others. Lurking fearfully and tearfully among our vast spectrum of emotions, shame can be a monster in penitent’s clothing. However, as Bataille points out, shame is also an essential component of the forbidden boundaries that we find so exciting to transgress, tease, crisscross, break, spank, overthrow or just throw out the window of inhibition. Engaging in nonconsensual kinks, like coercive or inappropriate sex, yet channeling those urges through consensual BDSM, is a great way to find that arousing erotic friction, release, adventure and fulfillment.The consenting adult enjoyment of kink can be a positive, even therapeutic solution to processing childhood trauma as well as everyday problems like stress, anxiety and loneliness, not to mention horniness.Sexual kinks can cause problems—sometimes big problems, like drug addiction, divorce, crippling shyness, sexual assault and even homicide. However, if handled with care, they can be the opposite of a problem. Indeed, the consenting adult enjoyment of kink can be a positive, even therapeutic solution to processing childhood trauma as well as everyday issues like stress, anxiety and loneliness, not to mention horniness. As long as you can handle them responsibly, be grateful for your kinks!COMMON SEXUAL KINKSThere are as many kinks as there are people. Actually, there are more, since the majority of kinksters enjoy more than one kink. However, the following are some of the most popular, according to surveys and my own anecdotal (but considerable!) experience as a sex therapist in private practice since 1991, as well as hosting shows and bacchanals celebrating “Kink Month” every October since 2015. I’ve considered myself kinky since my first Threshold Society play party back in 1989. I was blown away! I only wish I could have read an article like this before I attended that party. Instead, I embarrassed myself by interrupting a scene to ask the smiling, shackled woman at the center of it if she was “all right.” She was. But talk about breaking the mood! Fortunately, she and everyone else there laughed good-naturedly at my naïveté and proceeded to teach me the ways of kink. Indeed, we can all learn from past mistakes--kinks in the road of life--and hopefully you can learn from some of mine. If your favorite kink isn’t here, never fear! Check out our “What Can We Talk About?” page, call my show on Saturday nights (626.461.5212) or, if you need to talk privately, call our kink-positive Therapists Without Borders anytime: 213.291.9497.The ABCs of BDSMThough there are almost as many different kinks as there are stars in the sky, a lot of them fit under the Big Tent of BDSM, which breaks down to Bondage & Discipline (B&D), Dominance & Submission (D/s); Sadomasochism (SM). If you want to engage in BDSM play, I recommend you study this ancient, somewhat esoteric practice, preferably with an experienced BDSM practitioner, then start light and gradually ease into more intense activity. Take classes at DomCom (check out DomCon 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020) or other BDSM conventions, or splurge on private instruction. When engaged in responsibly, the safe, sane and consensual (SSC) exploration of BDSM can be an excellent, peaceful yet exciting and very bonoboësque channel for erotic power exchange. A step beyond SSC is RACK: Risk-Aware Consensual Kink. That may sound like alphabet soup, but SSC RACK can be a way to express violent impulses without hurting anyone, including yourself. It can involve sexual psychodrama, safely and imaginatively releasing aggressive forces that fester in our subconscious, so they don’t explode into destructive behavior. In our modern militaristic, ammosexual culture, it’s no surprise that many of us have violent fantasies and desires. Of course, acting on these fantasies nonconsensually would be unethical and criminal, not to mention heinous. So… what to do about them? Complete suppression is usually the only solution on the table, even though it has long been proven to be ineffective and, for many, impossible. What about BDSM? It’s certainly no panacea, and kinksters can be abusers like anyone else. However, the conscientious practice of safe, sane and consensual BDSM can effectively channel these feelings, even helping to curb domestic violence and perhaps other types of violence as well. Studies have yet to be done on this subject, but based on over three decades of experience as a sex therapist, a relationship counselor and a kinkster, I say: Yes! Kink can be that healing. Can conscientious kink practice help to foster conditions for world peace? Considering the chances of WWIII, it's worth a try. So, on a recent FDR podcast, we sounded the antiwar kinkster's *battle cry*: MAKE KINK NOT WAR!Domination & submission“There's a new game We like to play you see A game with added reality You treat me like a dog Get me down on my knees We call it master and servant It's a lot like life… Domination's the name of the game In bed or in life They're both just the same Except in one you're fulfilled At the end of the day Let’s play master and servant” ―Depeche Mode Consensual sexual domination—when one partner takes charge and the other voluntarily gives up their power—is a cornerstone of kink, and submission is its flip side. D/s could involve body worship, impact play, bondage, humiliation, sissy maid service a "money slave" relationship or any number of other activities involving power exchange. This seems like a good time to note that the kinky *games* old Tommy Jefferson played with his longtime sex slave Sally Hemings were wrong because he actually—legally—did own her. We will never know if Sally had a good time with Tom because she was never allowed to make that choice to be with him. Unlike Sally, a consenting adult kinky BDSM “slave” can choose to stop the scene and/or leave any time they want. Their “slavery” is just an illusion (or should be). Nevertheless, it can be very powerful. It’s also very popular. According to a 2016 study in the Journal of Sex Research, 47% of women and 60% of men fantasized about dominating a partner. A YouGovAmerica study showed that 53% of Americans say that they enjoy dominance or submission, with the most common answer (28%) being that they like being both at different times. About a third (33%) say that they don't want to be either dominant or submissive, while 14% either don't know or “prefer not to say.” Something tells me that those that “don’t know” or “prefer not to say” are the kinkiest of all. My guess is that they enjoy some kind of submission since folks tend to be most embarrassed to admit to that… It’s funny how ashamed so many of us are of our yearning for sexual surrender; even though, when you think about it, surrender is an essential aspect of orgasm. However, surrender may be expressed in some seemingly odd and disturbing ways, like humiliation, i.e., being stepped on literally or figuratively, sexually denigrated in some fashion—such as being called a “dirty slut,” “worthless turd,” “pencil-dick,” "piggy bank" or “cum receptacle.” To an outside observer, this might seem crazy; why would someone get aroused from being degraded and seemingly exploited? The answer is complicated and varies from person to person. For example, if humiliation is your kink, you might have a sexual anxiety so great—such as fear you’ll be exposed as the horny loser you think you are or that someone will laugh at your penis—that your libido actually floods your bloodstream with arousal to kill the (emotional) pain before it kills you. So yes, your humiliation kink might be saving your life.Freedom is the greatest aphrodisiac, but restraint is a close second.Nevertheless, it’s confusing, unnerving and can be very tough to talk about… even though talking about it with someone who cares and understands is often the best thing for you. If you’re struggling with your own desires for humiliation or other controversial forms of erotic domination, it might benefit you to talk with a therapist, a very knowledgeable dominatrix or another kink professional. The Therapists Without Borders at the Dr. Susan Block Institute are experts in these areas, and your confidentiality is guaranteed. Call us anytime you need to talk: 213.291.9497.BondageBondage, aka restraint, is a popular kink, and not just because of those kinks in the ropes! I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: Freedom is the greatest aphrodisiac, but restraint is a close second. Besides those eternally kinky ropes (jute being a favorite), types of bondage might include handcuffs, shackles, collars, straightjackets, spreader bars, harnesses or four “50 Shades of Grey” silk ties fastened securely around your wrists and ankles. There’s also psychological bondage. Before engaging in certain types of bondage, you might sign a “binding” contract which, though it lends a certain seriousness to the proceedings, probably wouldn’t hold up in a court of law. In a typical bondage scene, you might also be blindfolded, hooded, muzzled, dominated, restrained by a ball gag, locked up in a chastity belt, strapped down to a medical examination table, put into a posture collar, led around on a leash, shut up in a cage, zipped into a sleep sack, suspended from the ceiling, put into a sling, turned into a piece of human art with beautiful Japanese Shibari or Kinbaku, tied spread-eagle to a four-poster bed or latched onto a St. Andrews’s Cross while being spanked or flogged. Then again, for some of us, the kinkiest form of (psychological) bondage is the wedding ring. For more about bondage and how it can be used for pleasure, adventure, personal discovery and healing therapy, click Bondage Therapy.Spanking“Dick and Jane were on a date Dicky said it's getting late How's about a little kiss? Well, Jane grabbed her ankles and said how about this: Why don't you smack my bottom? Smack my bottom! Won't you smack my bottom 'till my tiny little heiny glows?” —The Wetspots To spank means “to strike or slap the buttocks, usually with the palm of the hand,” according to Webster’s. Spankings may be given for real punishment—as in spanking children against their will—or pleasure—as in spanking among consenting adults. Spanking children isn’t kinky; it’s child abuse. On the other hand, erotic consensual adult spanking is one of the most popular kinks there is, whether or not you were spanked as a child. The pain-laced pleasures of adult “erotic spanking” range from light slaps on the butt during lovemaking to more formal, over-the-knee (OTK) roleplay to a mistress smacking her naughty slave’s reddened rear within their D/s (dominance and submission) lifestyle. Here at the Institute, we love consenting adult spanking of all kinds, including impact play with whips, floggers, paddles, books (read it or get red from it!) or belts—with or without roleplay. We certainly do a lot of spanking on DrSuzy.Tv, especially on certain holidays like Spanksgiving, Lupercalia, Krampus, Full Moons, Happy Nude Rear parties, birthdays and all through Kink Month. Not only do many of our shows—from Spanking the tRump Turkey on Spanksgiving to Lupercalian Whipping to A Spankophiliacs Delight (warning: this one includes very hard spanking)—feature impact play, we have created several excellent spanking education resources for you. Want more? Of course, you do! Click on these links:
Body Part KinksBreasts – The most common all-American fetish might be the one so many men—and a lot of women—have for the female chest, perhaps connected to our deep need for nurturance. Find out more about breasts, boobs, nipples, mammaries, lactating, the all-natural bosom vs. surgically enhanced porn star boobs, coitus a mammalia and more—plus what it all means and how it can (seriously!) heal you—under Breast Therapy. Buttocks – Coming in for a close second as America’s (and the world’s) favorite fetish would be a “nice butt”… but what is “nice”? What’s the bottom line? That depends on the fanny fetishist, their culture and personal taste. Some “like big butts and [they] cannot lie.” Others prefer cute little buns, a heart-shaped ass, a strong muscular posterior or a soft cushy tushy, a panty-clad bottom or a stripped bare derrière. Some butt-lovers are into anal sex, doggy-style, spanking, squeezing, licking or worshipping that fine behind. But… what about the person with the “nice” butt? Assuming all is consensual (no pinching without permission!), the bottom is truly the “seat” of human pleasure, physiologically speaking, with lots of touch-responsive nerve endings that are in deliciously close proximity to the genitalia. Since there also tends to be a fair amount of padding down there, it is not so sensitive to consensually administered pain. And yes, a lot of people have a fetish for having their own butt played with! For more about butts, see the Spanking Links above or click on Anal Sex Therapy. Feet – A kink for feet is a little less common than boobs or buns, but foot fetishists are a passionate bunch. Not that they usually come in bunches, as many are embarrassed to admit to their kink. Nevertheless, once upon a time, here at the Institute, we held fabulous Foot Fetish Salons with massage, tickling, trampling and foot bondage workshops, followed by shrimping cocktails and tequila toe shots, a few of which are featured in our classic Feet for Lovers video. For more foot fetish information, try playing footsie with these links:
Medical KinksHow about “playing doctor”? Are you aroused by giving or receiving a medical exam or other “sexy nurse,” doctor or patient fantasies? These are some of the more common medical kinks, and with hospitals and health workers of all kinds looming large through the Coronapocalypse in our lives and in the media, medical fantasies are more popular—though also more taboo—than ever.Knowledge is power, and sexual knowledge is sexual power.One rather controversial type of medical kink that’s been in the news is the anesthesia or sleep fetish, an offshoot being Sleeping Beauty Syndrome, which actor Bill Cosby was convicted of engaging in nonconsensually, though that conviction was overturned. Obviously, pharmaceutical and medical kinks like this can be extremely dangerous when pursued irresponsibly. However, kink-positive therapy and sex education can help you to enjoy them in a safe, sane, consensual manner. Exhibitionism & Voyeurism Almost everyone wants to see and/or be seen. These are the driving forces of voyeurism and exhibitionism, as well as the entire entertainment industry (not limited to porn) and social media. What does it mean to be seen? To be seen is to be immortal, if only for a moment, through the eyes of another. Triumphant. Shining like a star. Recognized. Celebrated. For that moment, you might feel you rule the world. You are an “influencer”—of billions or just one special witness to your wonderfulness. That’s the thrill of exhibitionism. What about seeing? To see is to go behind the curtain, to gain knowledge of the taboo, a taste of the apple or the delicious eye (or ear) candy, the euphoria of esoteric awareness. Knowledge is power, and sexual knowledge is sexual power. No wonder you feel so excited and even powerful when you see someone or something special that turns you on. No wonder we all can appreciate the erotic thrills of voyeurism… We may or may not call ourselves voyeurs. However, at least sometimes, all of us like to watch.PansexualityDo you enjoy sex with more than one partner… maybe even at the same time? Are you drawn to threesomes, swinging, orgies, play parties, designer relationships or consensual gangbangs? Perhaps you’re not such a party animal, but you still like sexual variety, preferring polyamory, which means “many loves,” not just many lovers.Call it communal ecstasy… like you’re at the best concert ever, plus orgasms.Whether you’re only fantasizing or living the dream, all of these sex and relationship forms could be considered “kinky,” since they are all nonmonogamous. Most human societies around the world promote, endorse and sometimes compel “monogamy”—which has different meanings, but generally entails being sexually exclusive with one person for life—usually the person to whom you’re married. There’s nothing wrong with monogamy. In fact, for me personally and probably for most people, private couple sex is the most intimate, meaningful kind of sex there is. However, there is also something very special and truly wonderful about the “collective joy” (with a hat tip to Barbara Ehrenreich) of group sex that partner sex simply cannot duplicate. Call it communal ecstasy…like you’re at the best concert ever, plus orgasms. In a way, nonmonogamy is more natural than monogamy. That’s why so many people cheat! Bonobos, whose Latin name pan paniscus conveys their affinity for pansexuality (named for the Greek god Pan, Lord of the Wild), are our closest great ape cousins. Along with common chimpanzees (pan troglodyte), bonobos have been practicing consensual nonmonogamy for many thousands of years—at least. Moreover, the bonobo *brand* of nonmonogamy is a cornerstone of their lifestyle, since it is a vital aspect of the bonobos’ ability to make “peace through pleasure” in their communities. Do bonobos ever get jealous? Of course, they do. But love is not a zero-sum game for them, and they just have ways to work it out through sex and affections. For instance, among humans and bonobos, the best cure for a lover’s quarrel (as long as it’s not over anything serious) is kinky make-up sex. Our Great Ape nature is to share our love and lust, yet most of our strictly monogamous human societies denounce pansexuality in all its various forms, sometimes condemning it as “Satanic,” and certainly giving it that taboo quality that can turn any natural erotic feeling into a kink. Of course, I’m just scratching the surface of pansexuality here, so click on the links with the pansexual kinks that most appeal to you: Group Sex Therapy “Sex at Dawn” interview with Dr. Christopher Ryan “Ethical Slut” interview with author Janet W. Hardy American Swing Multiamory Show Designer Relationships Gangbang Sex Therapy Pansensuality Show Pan in Lupercalia 2020 Bonobo Nonmonogamy lecture Bonobo Nonmonogamy journal #GoBonobos in 2022 Cuckolding“She’s my best friend’s girl But she used to be mine” —The Cars Cuckolding is a special kind of pansexual kink, and the cuckold is a very special kind of kinkster. He (though “cuckqueens” exist, the typical cuckold is a “he”) is sexually aroused by the fantasy or reality of his sexual partner—usually his wife, girlfriend, or a woman he finds attractive, often called a “hotwife”—having sex with another partner, most likely a virile, well-endowed man, called a “bull.” Cuckolding could be centered on consensual kink—which is usually best for all involved—or it could involve cheating (not recommended). Cuckold fantasies are extremely common; in part, because they are driven by a basic biological phenomenon called “Sperm Wars.” However, many cuckold fetishists feel torn and fraught with anxiety over being aroused by something so denigrated in society. Ironically, that conflict itself tends to create greater arousal. Like most kinks, it’s best to accept the desire for cuckolding, though it need not always be acted upon in real life. For more about cuckoldry, click…
More Kinks More FunDon’t see your particular kink or fetish listed here? Have no fear! There are many more below, and even more on our “What Can We Talk About?” page. And here’s an even more extensive List of Kinks, as well as here and here, with everything under the sun, including the sun itself, which some people with “actirasy” find arousing. See, it’s not just bikinis that turn on the beach bums.Gender Fluid KinkNowadays, “gender” is a psychologically and politically freighted term. People have strong ideas about what’s right and wrong in all shades of the gender spectrum (who you are)—as well as in terms of sexual orientation (who you like)—and some are fighting hard for their ideas to gain or maintain acceptance. There’s a lot at stake. Adding erotic fuel to the gender fires, arousal isn’t always politically correct. In fact, it’s often unintentionally the opposite of what you believe is “right,” as part of the excitement of kink lies in its taboo nature and shock value. True transgender people aren’t necessarily kinky, and their transition isn’t a kink; it’s their life.Some call it "the best of both worlds."On the other hand, there are many folks of all genders who enjoy crossdressing or sissification just for the kink of it. For some, especially the sissies, the more politically incorrect, the kinkier! On the other side of the equation, there are many folks who have a kink or fetish for lovers who are transgender. Something about the combination of so-called male and female characteristics drives some sexually people wild. It’s more popular than you might think, since many trans admirers are embarrassed to talk about it. It may be politically incorrect to say, but some call it “the best of both worlds.” Need to talk privately about your trans interests, desires, problems or fantasies? Call our Therapists Without Borders anytime at 213.291.9497. We're here for you.Kink in NatureHumans aren’t the only kinky creatures on the planet. In fact, I often call bonobos the “kinkiest apes on Earth” as they enjoy many of the kinks I’ve described here. That is, they engage in a variety of consensual erotic behaviors that are not for procreation purposes, or really any *purpose* other than pleasure. Keep in mind that pleasure is a very important, worthy purpose, especially in Bonoboville. That simple exchange of kinky pleasures makes bonobos the Most Peaceful Apes on Earth, never seen killing each other in the wild or captivity. Kink is also the basis for bonobo bisexuality, ecosexuality, bonobo female empowerment, male well-being and bonobos’ penchant for sharing, making them the Most Socialist Apes on Earth, as well. Does that mean if humans were kinkier, we’d be more peaceful, female-empowered, male-nurturing and egalitarian? Does being consensually kinky mean valuing lust over greed? I certainly think so, and that’s one of the principles of “releasing your inner bonobo” through practicing The Bonobo Way. Humans and bonobos aren’t the only ones. Many nonhuman animals indulge in kinky activities. Haven’t you ever had a dog hump your leg? I’m not trying to encourage bestiality (on the contrary), so hold your horses on that notion (then again, Adam Driver as a centaur is pretty hot). I just want you to rest assured that, in general, your kinks are perfectly natural, and we perverted humans aren’t the only kinksters-in-residence on this planet. Most of nature is quite kinky. It’s the dirty—as in polluting—aspects of humanity that are the problem… not our kinkiness! Pro Tip: Just because kink is as natural as any kind of sex doesn't make it good. If you want kink--or any kind of sex--to be good, you have to learn a thing or too. But then, that's why you're reading this! Kink and Culture Though the rest of nature is at least as kinky as we are, over the millennia, we humans have put our unique anthropocene spin on kink through our culture, art, architecture, technology and politics. It's difficult to say just where erotica ends and "regular" art begins—especially “in the beginning.” Arguably, the first form of human performance art may well have been kinky dancing. The oldest sculpted art piece in the world, the Venus of Willendorf (24,00-22,00 B.C.E.)—big breasts, belly, hair and a distinct vulva, but no face—is pretty kinky. Is it goddess worship or prehistoric objectification or both? Some have even called it a sex toy. Heresy? Hardly. Many of the most respected artists in history, now enshrined in our most honored museums, including the Vatican (hello kinky Michelangelo), were considered kinky in their day. Revolutionary art like Picasso’s Cubist Demoiselles of the brothel—as well as fascist, state sanctioned art, like Leni Riefenstahl’s Triumph of the Will—can be considered kinky, twists and bends in the ropes of tradition that shock and disturb some people, while arousing and inspiring others, and sometimes shocking and arousing at the same time. Of course, kinks of all kinds can be found in popular music. From the Beatles to Marvin Gaye, Prince, MJ, Depeche Mode, Sade, Cardi B, Lil Nas X and the list goes on, musicians have thrived on kink. And let’s not forget our favorite kinky song, inspired by the Bonobo Way, that you often hear during kinky scenes on DrSuzy.Tv, Carmina Formosa’s “The Kinkster.” Special mention goes to that great British Invasion band of the 1970s, The Kinks, whose name is the same as this article and whose hit song “Lola,” about a comic-romantic encounter with a crossdresser, would now be considered politically incorrect but back then, was revolutionary, wry and very kink-positive. Kinky Fashion“It will make or break him so he’s a got to buy the best cause he’s a Dedicated Follower of Fashion” —The Kinks Kink is a huge part of fashion, from the boudoir to the Met Gala to the street. One of the most popular categories of fetish clothing is “intimate” wear, including lingerie, stockings or pantyhose, panties, high heels, boots, corsets and more. However, any type of fashion can be kinky, such as a latex catsuit, a cowboy hat, a bikini, a nun’s habit, superhero costume—whatever gets you off when you put it on. The late great Bettie Page was the 1950s icon of fashion kink, an influencer long before there were influencers, setting the tone for many generations to come. Check out my extremely rare 1996 interview with the incomparable Bettie Page. Sultry Dita Von Teese, who attended our Bettie Page interview when she was just 19 and who did another interview on DrSuzy.Tv while engaged to the ultra-kinky and controversial rock star, Marilyn Manson, is another paragon of kink fashion. Texture is as important as style, popular choices being leather (deliciously animalistic, but politically incorrect for animal rights sympathizers), lace (somewhat see-through and oh, so romantic), latex (gives you that slinky second-skin feeling) or nylon (divinely stretchy, semitransparent and nostalgic). Uniforms are often considered kinky, including military (all branches, but especially sailors), school, athletic, police, firefighter, nurse and the uniformed fashion kinks march on. Conveying eroticism, beauty, horror, mystery and mastery, as well as concealing the mask wearer’s identity, the mask has been an important part of kinky fashion… since there were masks (going back at least 9,000 years)! One could say, in a way, masks have always been kinky—twisting and turning the features of the human face to obscure one’s identity or for dramatic effect. As of this writing, with the Coronapocalypse still raging off and on, masks are also protective (as they were against various plagues throughout history). Learn more about kinky, sexy masks in “Masks Are Sexy.” Some fashion isn’t so obviously kinky—like business suits, chef’s aprons or skating skirts—but kinksters-in-the-know just know. Very often, kinky clothing connects to another kink, such as adult baby diapers connect to golden showers and mommy fantasies. As in all types of fashion, there are trendsetters. Celebrities contribute a lot to kinky fashion, though they also copy it, from Madonna to Rihanna, Lady Gaga, Cardi B, Miley Cyrus, Kanye, Beyonce and so many more, serviced by subtly (or not so subtly) kinky high-fashion designers like Thierry Mugler, Alexander McQueen and Versace, influenced by underground sex workers, Goth gals and Dominatrices. Sometimes, kinky celebrity fashion goes beyond boots and masks into kinky emotional territory. As I write this, Kanye West is now the world's most famous cuckold. Obviously, watching his ex-wife Kim Kardashian dating Pete Davidson is agony for Ye. But as he actively milks it for all it's worth, blasting his public disgrace all over social and mainstream media, he also appears to be in the throes of a kind of celebrity cuckold's ecstasy.Literary KinkOne of the best, most sapiosexual ways to get yourself and/or your partner into a kinky mood is to read something stimulating. But what? You might be surprised to find that some of the best kinky erotica is in the Bible. Yes indeed, Brothers and Sisters, Lovers and Sinners, sing Hallelujah and open your Old Testament to the Song of Songs and the Book of Esther, both surprisingly sex-positive. For sex-negative kink, consider hanging with the guys in Sodom and Gomorrah. Anaïs Nin’s Delta of Venus is classic early 20th century erotica, much of it kinky, which the great diarist wrote during the Great Depression for a dollar a page. More emotional and subtly kinky are her famous diaries; read them unexpurgated. Some of the finest, most taboo, profoundly eloquent and absolutely riveting, literary kink is in the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy (no relation to Bill Cosby’s sleep fetish!) beginning with The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty, written by the great Anne Rice (who just passed away) under the kinky pen name of A.N. Roquelaure. Many years ago, before the Interview with the Vampire author got mega-famous, I had the honor of interviewing her for an article I was writing for the San Francisco Bay Guardian about "interesting couples." Anne’s intensely romantic relationship with her husband, Stan Rice, whom she’d met in high school (and who happened to be my English professor and chairman of the San Francisco State University Master’s degree program), was certainly "interesting." Though the great author was much more conservative than hippie me, I was very impressed by Anne’s deep love for Stan, as well as her sparkling brilliance, wit, gothic horror stories, and her signature *kinky nun* look—high-collared white lace blouse and black maxi-skirt that matched her bangs crowning her cascades of jet-black hair. A couple years later, when I was just learning about BDSM, a more experienced kinkster turned me on to Anne’s Beauty books, and I was blown away. A woman of many literary facets, Anne also wrote the famous erotic novel Exit to Eden under the pen name Anne Rampling, though that didn’t have the impact (for me) of her penetrating, no-holds-barred, no topics-off-limits Beauty books. As I reflect upon Anne's death (12.11.2021), I feel her Thanatos-enraptured spirit has come home. I also realize that Anne Rice opened an erotic dungeon door for me with her kinky Beauty. Indeed, Anne and Stan Rice were my role models for a very special kind of wild, creative, romantic but enduring, and rather kinky love, inspiring my own marriage to Capt’n Max. I’d also recommend the excellent kinky erotica of a few of my favorite DrSuzy.Tv guests: Stan Kent (on Urban Erotica, Pyrophilic Bday Spanking Gangbang, Spring Showers and more) tells a captivating tale of British boarding school impact play, Caning Able, that will make you laugh as it turns you on, and Eden Baylee (on Female Masturbation Education) explores intimate seasonal kink in Spring into Summer. Rachel Kramer Bussel (on Shameless Erotica and Daddy Please!) has penned and edited many great kink books, including Anything for You: Erotica for Kinky Couples, an excellent kink primer for an adventurous duo. Most of Rachel’s marvelous books and anthologies are released by Cleis Press, a major publisher of great kinky erotica and how-to books. I’ll also mention one kinky mega-bestseller that I didn’t particularly like: 50 Shades of Grey. Due to a confluence of forces, this ultra-poorly written trilogy managed to generate a huge and passionate interest in kink from typically kink-ignorant, conservative, sex-negative and fairly sex-starved, suburban matrons. Despite—or maybe because—it’s so poorly written, it struck a nerve that showed the world at least one, very important, widely overlooked phenomenon: the most unlikely women crave kink. Need more? Read more… 55 Most Erotic Books Click for Some of Rachel’s PicksCinematic KinkFilms are filled with kink, whether the filmmakers intend for them to be kinky or not. It can be good or bad, light or dark, kink-positive or very negative, and your feelings about it have everything to do with you, your tastes and your desires. Of course, kink is very popular in porn—to the point you often can’t tell where the porn ends, and the kink begins. The fact that most modern human societies offer very little in the way of explicit sex education leaves pornography as virtually the only alternative. These days, porn is so ubiquitous, it has almost as much effect on our sexuality—positive and negative—as friends, family members and role models. Thus, many people blame what they have been told is their porn “addiction” for their more controversial kinky desires. Porn might enhance or refine your desire for certain types of kink, but it is hardly ever the root reason you feel that desire. We can also find plenty of kink in mainstream movies where it is often presented in a negative, misinformed light, but occasionally it is handled with care, sensitivity, humor, wisdom, great artistry and intense eroticism. Here are just a few select films and TV shows that feature kink(s). Some link to trailers, and others to the entire film. This list is by no means comprehensive or even a “best of,” just a jumping off point for your kinky film-watching endeavors.
Culinary KinkFood and sex are two of the most basic, universally needed elements of life. Combine them, and it's kinky! Here in Bonoboville, splosh is one of our favorite kinks. Check out Dr. Susan Block's Speakeasy Journal of Splosh 'n' Art featuring Daniele Watts, Chef Belive and a big yummy, kinky mess.Kink and Fantasy“There is no limit to imagination I’m into every type of stimulation Getting kinky is an excitation I gotta have that kink!” —Carmina Formosa Fantasy may be reality’s much-maligned stepsibling, but it is a huge part of human consciousness. For better and for worse (mostly worse these days), many people live in fantasy more than reality. Kinky, vanilla or a multi-flavored combo, your sexuality is fueled by three basic types of fantasy. There are… 1) Fantasies of your past, aka your memories filtered through time… 2) Fantasies of your future, aka your hopes and dreams, and… 3) “Pure” fantasies—wild reveries that never happened and that you never really want to have happen—but which haunt and stimulate you like a kinky parallel universe. Kinky fantasies rise and fall like waves rippling through your brain—regardless of whether you want them to or not. You may be able to control your actions, including your speech, but you can't control your thoughts. So don't make like the "thought police" and bust yourself for your kinky fantasies You might be able to force yourself to think or not think about a particular subject for a while, perhaps via distracting yourself with something else. You could try not to watch porn. As many experts advise, you could watch a cooking show, go for a walk, do yoga, call a friend, get into gardening, read a book, volunteer at a soup kitchen or maybe go to Church instead. All of that sounds good, but is any of it really a substitute for sexual fantasy (unless you’re sitting there in the pews fantasizing about your smoking hot minister)? Sooner or later, you will find your mind wandering back to whatever is playing in the Erotic Theater of Your Mind… which could well be that troublesome fantasy, whatever it might be. Fantasy is not reality; often it's the opposite. However, sometimes a troublesome fantasy indicates a real-life problem that should be addressed. But what if you feel you can’t talk about it with anyone in your life? Maybe not even with your spouse. Maybe especially not your spouse. Or what if you’ve tried, but they’re not interested—or what if they lashed out at you? If that’s your situation, you might consider talking with a therapist, someone who won’t judge you and who might be able to help you make sense of your feelings, as well as realize you're not alone. Though kinky fantasies can be problematic, they can also provide hidden mental health benefits, killing the pain of trauma and fear with arousal. Think about it: If erotic fantasies never played in your mind’s multiplex, then your inner horror movies—or just the constant awareness of your own anxiety—could give you a heart attack! So, be grateful for your kinky fantasies; they are gifts! Just as your dreams can help you to cope with your real-life problems, so can your fantasies, though they tend to do so when you’re awake. Your kinky fantasies can also be keys that unlock the doors of your repressed personal history. Sexual fantasies and erotic dreams, especially when accompanied by orgasm and perspective (not necessarily in that order), can help to release the stress and trauma of past abuse, bullying, sickness and suffering. They can also help you relive good sexual memories. However, your fantasies aren’t just about your past. They can also prepare you for the future. Fantasies can be hazy or detailed rehearsals in the erotic theater of the mind for sexual acts you haven’t yet experienced.Kink is international, non-denominational, and even beyond human; remember, Mother Nature is a kinky MILF. Your sexual fantasies evolve and change as you do. If they are troublesome in any way, it might be helpful to share them with a sex therapist who can help you to put them in perspective—through discussion, kink-positive roleplay, sexual psychodrama, hypnosis and other techniques—reducing their negative power over you. For various reasons, many people struggle against their own fantasies. However, fighting fantasies is like fighting ghosts… they’re slippery creatures! Rather than fighting a losing battle, I suggest you find ways to “make friends” with your fantasies— including the kinky ones. You may not want to act out all your kinky fantasies in real life—and you probably shouldn’t—but you can accept them as very personalized gifts from the Erotic Theater of your Mind, and use them to release stress and come to terms with the many layers of your sexuality. You might want to explore them over the phone where you can close your eyes and enter the Erotic Theater of the Mind without worrying what you or the person on the other end of the phone looks like or what you're really doing. Then you can explore your kinks together on the dark fertile ground of your imaginations.Kink & PoliticsPolitics and kink have long been intertwined, at least since Caligula made his horse a senator. And then there was Napoleon’s message to his beloved Cougar Josephine: “I’m coming home. Don’t wash.” The great Bonaparte apparently had a kink for strong, natural, feminine aromas. In fact, the relationship between kink and politics is much older than that. We can trace its origins to the earliest expressions of religion which, as a general, almost universal rule, tends to ritualistically mix kink with politics, even while solemnly condemning kink as sinful. Sound confusing? Consider the first book of the Old Testament which has “the Lord,” a supremely sadistic voyeur with a penchant for painful punishments, punishing His naughty children, Adam and Eve, for cavorting with His forbidden phallic Snake and biting into His delicious taboo apples that then magically make them feel both horny and ashamed. Then they have sex and cover their nakedness with those fetishistic fig leaves, ruining God’s Original All-Nude All-the-Time Floor Show. Looking at the Judeo-Christian human origin story this way—which may be kind of funny, but isn’t such a stretch—you could say that all of humanity’s kinky desires stem from God the Father’s original, unreasonable and eternal abuse of His Children (us). No wonder we have a chronic epidemic of sexual harm inflicted upon the young by the clergy… who are, at least in the Catholic faith, expected to be celibate. Talk about kinky—as in twisted! From the Biblical to the historical, kink has always been political. As the sapiosexual folks at Karada House say, “Kink does not exist in a vacuum… it cannot be separated from politics, history and lived experiences.” That doesn’t necessarily make kink more or less liberal or conservative, Democratic, Republican, Libertarian or Socialist. It doesn’t make kink Abrahamic, Asiatic or atheistic. Kink is international, non-denominational, and even beyond human; remember, Mother Nature is a kinky MILF. Good kink is a little more narrowly defined, being, above all, consensual. However, many consensual kink activities are based on nonconsensual forms of domination, torture, gender debasement and trauma practiced by various political and religious groups and individuals. For example, floggers, whips and canes have been used—and are still used—to nonconsensually punish, coerce, hurt, intimidate and dehumanize real prisoners, slaves and nonbelievers. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t thoroughly enjoy a consensual flogging; of course, you should! However, awareness of an item or activity’s political history adds an important layer of meaning to your kink experience. At the turn of the 20th century, kink rose to the forefront of politics with the kink-weaponized Starr Report, featuring sex that’s “not sex”—which is actually a great definition for kink!—including teasing, phone sex, oral, a cigar, DNA on a dress and the lasciviously detailed, Puritanically-driven impeachment of President Billy Jeff Clinton. Some political activists use kink to entice an audience and make a point. For instance, a topless FEMEN protestor, with the words “God is a Woman” written on her bare chest, grabbed the baby Jesus from the Saint Peter’s Square Nativity scene before a Vatican cop stopped her, inadvertently becoming a player in her kinky political theater scene.Kink and sex in general can be a leaky business, especially when combined with politics, so one should always be prepared to either plug that leak or go with the flow.Another great example is my longtime friend and DrSuzy.Tv guest, Mistress Tara Indiana, who ran for President in 2016 on the Female Supremacy Party ticket, promising to “whip America back into shape, one middle-aged white man at a time.” When she lost that election to Trump, Mistress Tara formed a FemDom collective called “Dominatrixes Against Donald trump” (D.A.D.), aka “Women Who Pee Standing,” to “highlight the hypocrisy, injustice and double standard that’s applied to sex workers and the politicians that hire them. A Dominatrix who pees on Trump can be sent to jail, while Trump can pay to be peed on and he gets to be President.” D.A.D. did a very kinky political performance art piece on DrSuzy.Tv, spanking and humiliating a Trump surrogate, forcing him onto his knees to take it from behind and then onto his back where several of us squatted over him to give him the golden showers referenced by the Steele Dossier. I ran my own kinky U.S. Presidential campaign back in 1992 (on the Block Party ticket, of course) and was Vice Presidential running mate to the late great kinky political poet Frank Moore’s 2008 U.S. Presidential Campaign. Much of my own writing combines kink and politics, especially my post-911 Terror Journals and other Counterpunch articles. Obviously, I’m very open about my own kinks, but most people prefer to keep their kinks private, and I strongly believe in the right to that privacy. However… what can you do if and when your secret kinks are leaked by a political rival in the middle of your election campaign? You could lie and deny like Trump, or maybe tell the truth, like Manhattan City Council candidate Zack Weiner who bravely copped to his kink. It may have cost him the election (though he was already behind… so to speak), but fellow kinksters—many of whom are also voters—will always honor his honesty. Kink and sex in general can be a leaky business, especially when combined with politics, so one should always be prepared to either plug that leak or go with the flow.Kink, Trauma and PathologyTrauma and kink might seem to be diametrically opposed, but they are very much related, as we discussed in our fantasy section. Trauma can contribute to a desire for kink, and caring consensual kink can help to heal past traumas. First, to be clear, being kinky itself is not a sign of trauma, nor does enjoying fetishes or BDSM imply a pathology or psychological disorder. A Journal of Sexual Medicine study of the Psychological Characteristics of BDSM Practitioners concluded that “BDSM may be thought of as a recreational leisure, rather than the expression of psychopathological processes.” “Though mental health providers have historically pathologized kinky behavior as ‘Sexual Sadism and Sexual Masochism Disorders,’” according to the Gender and Sexuality Therapy Center’s Healing From Sexual Trauma Through Kink, “there is research that shows people who practice BDSM are less neurotic, more extroverted, more open to new experiences, more conscientious, less rejection sensitive, and have higher subjective well-being than non-kinky people. A similar U.S. study found BDSM-identified couples reported less stress as well as increased intimacy following play.” Over the years, many kink-positive sexologists have helped to slowly remove the stigma of pathology attached to BDSM and other fetishes, but Charles A. Moser, MD, PhD, stands out. Dr. Moser’s “research on kink and his contribution of over 100 scholarly articles over 45 years, most on alternative sexualities, created an evidence-based conversation in psychiatry that coincided with the social changes that have made de-pathologizing kink an intellectually credible effort,” writes Russell Stambaugh, an award-winning sexologist and clinical psychologist who has also made significant contributions to the study and normalization of kink. Though kink itself is not pathological, the desire for kink is sometimes tied to childhood abuse, early illnesses and accidents, relationship issues, problematic family dynamics, domestic violence, humiliation, schoolyard bullying and other forms of trauma. These kink-fueling traumatic events often occur in childhood when we are most vulnerable and impressionable, but you can also contract PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) leading to kinky desires from being involved in war, occupation, poverty, inequities, climate catastrophe, the pandemic and more. In this crazy, mixed up, “civilized” world, many are trauma survivors, and some of us are kinksters. Some of us even utilize our kinks to heal the pain of trauma, transforming it into erotic pleasure, restoration and inspiration. To learn more about the many fascinating intersections of trauma, kink and therapy, check out Trauma Shrink and FemDom Kink, or just continue reading.Kink TherapySince kink is not usually pathological (well, not unless you’re Jeffrey Dahmer), can it be therapeutic? Can practicing consensual kink actually help to heal trauma? In a way, this entire article is about the therapeutic benefits of kink. The science behind kink therapy is rarely discussed due to the traditional sexual squeamishness of Western medicine, particularly as practiced in the good old Puritanical U.S.A. Yet the evidence is clear. Biochemically speaking, we know that pleasure is a painkiller (see above). When your kinky psyche associates arousal with the experience of consensual, expected pain (no sucker-punches please!), endorphins rush into your bloodstream, and the pleasure—or even just the anticipation of pleasure—helps you to handle the pain… at least to a point. When arousal is in the driver’s seat and pleasure is riding shotgun, then pain—both physical and psychological—is forced to take a backseat. In fact, a little bit of consensual pain—or maybe a lot (if you’re a “pain slut”)—tends to heighten the pleasure. Spanking and other forms of impact play are especially effective, cathartic forms of therapy, as Russian studies have shown, along with our own anecdotal research conducted here at the Block Institute. Why would someone who was beaten as a child find it healing to be spanked as an adult? The bottom line is consent. A child cannot and likely would not consent to being beaten. But the consenting adult might find that a structured spanking with clear boundaries from someone for whom they feel both lust and trust gives them a cathartic, therapeutic release they can’t get from just talking about it. Kink can heal the body and mind in a multitude of manners—from relieving stress to building confidence, dissipating depression, reducing painful shyness and working through past trauma. However, it’s important to note that involvement in kink can also create its own trauma, even among consenting adults, as we’ve seen in recent news stories about celebrity kinksters stepping over the line and into abuse. Best to tread lightly and take it slow, using—and respecting— “safe words,” as you go.Kink-Positive Therapists Without Borders“That Puritanical shame still prevails Cause when the Puritans came all they built were jails. But we’re living in a modern society And we can all afford to be a bit more kinky.” —Rose Kelso As kink becomes increasingly accepted into the mainstream, more and more forms of therapy are emerging that address it in a healthy way. Kink-positive sex therapy can help individuals deconstruct their past traumas, learn to identify and explore ways to release fears and feelings of shame, as well as truly embrace their always-evolving sexuality. Whether you need serious psychotherapy to investigate the origins of your kink(s) and/or the best way to handle them or you’d prefer to just enjoy a fun kinky fantasy roleplay—or a combination—our kink-positive Therapists Without Borders here at the Dr. Susan Block Institute are some of the best in the world. You can experience your kink therapy session via webcam, phone or text anytime you like 24 hours a day. In-person sessions are also available, though our physical facility is temporarily closed due to pandemic concerns. However, we are always open to talk with you! Need to talk about a kink that you can’t talk about anywhere else? You can talk to us. Call anytime: 213.291.9497. We’re here for YOU… and your kink(s).Want to Read Some Reader Comments about Cougar Sexuality? Or Post Your Own Comment? Click These Links: Kink on Facebook Twitter One Twitter Two © February 7. 2022 Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 626-461-5950. Editorial Assistance on this article provided by Adriana Gomez-Weston and Crysta Swindell. Read More |
Fetish Power
Comments Off on Fetish Power
by Susan M Block, Ph.D.DO YOU HAVE A FETISH? Do You Need To Talk About It? For Excellent Phone Sex Therapy for Your Fetish Analysis, Treatment, Fantasy Roleplay, Guidance, Help Call The Dr. Susan Block Institute Anytime at [callus]. Notes for Lectures at Yale University, University of Southern California, the California Graduate Institute, Caltech and on Playboy RadioThe word "fetish" is now quite faddish. We have fetish fashions, fetish games and fetish balls. But what really is a fetish in the classic sense? A fetish is a profound erotic desire for something; it could be a boot, a breast or a burqa. One could also have a fetish for an activity, such as watching, being watched, spanking or being spanked. One can even have a fetish for a concept, like fame, or a feeling, like love. Whatever the fetish object, the fetishist invests in it great power, sometimes great sexual power, sometimes great religious power, sometimes both. In the classic sense, the sexual fetishist needs the fetish object - or at least, some kind of fantasy of the fetish object - in order to have sex. Psychologists call this a "paraphilia." The male needs the fetish object to get an erection. For the female, sexual arousal and fetishism are always a little more mysterious and difficult to pinpoint. Let's just say the female fetishist needs the fetish object to enjoy sex. Male or female, the fetishist objectifies, glorifies and downright deifies the object, body part, behavior or concept of his or her fetish, above and beyond any mere human being. Take the foot fetishist. For him - or her, but usually him - a beautiful foot is the Foot of the Goddess. In fact, the foot itself is the Goddess. For the leather fetishist, the smell, look and feel of leather is just heavenly, intoxicating, powerful. Then there are the pain fetishists, the martyrs, the bad boys and naughty girls who crave being punished, restrained, tied up, spanked, sometimes even tortured. Often, they fetishize childhood. Many of our fetishes stem from early childhood or adolescence. They seem to have come from intense, often traumatic personal experiences that left an impression on us at a time when we were very impressionable. But fashion can also be a source of fetishes, and fetishes can be very fashionable. Not all fetishes are in fashion all the time, of course, and the people who struggle most with *fetish guilt,* who worry that they're "weird," are the ones with the unfashionable fetishes. "Am I normal?" is the most common question I get on the air and in my private practice. Many an otherwise healthy fetishist’s entire sense of angst stems from little more than being acutely out of fashion. A typical example would be men who like to wear stockings and heels, but happen to live in the 21st century, as opposed to the 18th century when many manly gentlemen, like George Washington and Thomas Jefferson, wore stockings and heels. What else can be a fetish? Just about anything. But not anything. What do you think of when you hear the word "fetish" ? What images come to your mind? Do you have a fetish? Do you know someone who does? Do they enjoy their fetish, or do they have problems with it, or maybe a little bit of both? Fetish Types Essentially, there are four types of fetish: Body Parts Inanimate Objects Activities Feelings or Ideas Body Part Fetishists worship parts of the human body, like feet, buns, legs, hair, lips, bellybuttons, fingernails, sperm or female ejaculate. Probably the most common body part fetish, at least in America, is the breast fetish. Many an otherwise reasonable man's life virtually revolves around his pursuit of the perfect boob - big or small, but usually big. Most *breast men* snort with denial if someone suggests that their keen interest in women's racks might have something to do with their desire to be tiny infants suckling up to Mommy. But what do they know? The exaltation of the female bosom as a sex symbol, as opposed to a maternal image, is pervasive in our society, making it one of the most acceptable contemporary fetishes, so ubiquitous it's barely considered a fetish. Yet it is a fetish, since breasts are far more essential to nurturing than to sex. And therein lies the infantile origin of the breast fetish. That deep need we all have for deep nurturance. Sustenance. Comfort. Food. The breast is food, after all. It is that unique part of a woman's body that actually creates food, the milk of life and love - and fetishes. Another popular body part fetish is the penis fetish, which is related to penis envy. This is, for the most part, a male fetish. Women generally don't have penis envy; men do. And not all of these male penis fetishists are gay. Sigmund Freud was definitely onto something when he came up with the powerful notion of "penis envy"; he just attributed it to the wrong gender. For the most part, guys are the ones worrying about how their own penis measures up size-wise with other guys. It's one of the oldest male sex hang-ups in the book, buttressed by principles of evolution (human penises are much bigger proportionately than our cousin primates). These days, it is intensified by porn which tends to show men with monster cocks, holding many male viewers in a fetishistic phallic thrall. Most male penis fetishists are bisexual, but that doesn't mean they want romantic relationships with men. They tend to be disinterested in all other aspects of the male body (which is why they are sometimes drawn to transsexuals or she-males), but they are obsessed with the phalluses of other men. Sometimes they want to play with or receive the penis themselves; sometimes they just like to look at well-endowed men having sex with women. Many men feel extremely ambivalent about their penis fetish; it arouses them, but deeply shames them, mostly because they fear that it means they are *gay.* So many men are so ashamed of their penis fetish that the penis, especially the erect penis, is the most taboo human body part in society. Essentially, the only place we can look at erect cocks is in hardcore porn. This fact is one of the secret reasons for porn's gargantuan success.Object Fetishists prefer to be intimate with inanimate objects. Unlike body parts, they are not attached to actual human beings with feelings and personalities that could get in the way of the fetishist's intense erotic adoration and enjoyment. The objects of their desire often function as *surrogates* for corresponding body parts, i.e., the bra instead of the breast, the shoe instead of the foot, the panties instead of the vulva and vagina, the rubber or latex instead of the skin, the dildo instead of the penis. Some common fetish objects include high heels, boots, stockings, pantyhose, panties, leather, rubber, latex, fur (real or fake), corsets, collars and hats. Object fetishists often become collectors of their favorite fetish objects. They can get into trouble if part of their fetish is to steal other people's things, of course. But object fetishists are usually quite harmless. And they can be as happy playing with their fetish objects as a child playing with toys. Sometimes the fetish object puts the fetishist into a trance state that he can only be released from with orgasm Many people are possessed by a fetishistic desire for money, which could be considered a combination object/conceptual fetish. In fact, money might be the most popular female fetish, next to love. How is money a fetish? Because many people, especially some women, can't enjoy sex unless they're being paid in some way, or unless they envision a pay-off in the future. If that's not a fetish, I'll eat my high-heeled boot.< Activity Fetishists love to make things happen. The voyeurs who fetishize watching are what I call "action fetishists," as are the exhibitionists who fetishize being watched. So are oral and anal sex fetishists, obsessive masturbators of every stroke and style, as well as Doms and Dommes and their slaves and maids. There are bondage fetishists who fetishize shackles and gags. There are pain and humiliation fetishists, like Brother Love who visited my show and couldn't get aroused, even though a beautiful porn star was giving him oral sex and wanted to have intercourse with him. He could only attain an erection and ejaculate when he was kicked hard in the balls and given a golden shower. Feeling or Conceptual Fetishes tend to be more socially acceptable. At least, feeling fetishists don't get caught hoarding shoes. But they are potentially just as compulsive. Adrenaline Junkies fetishize danger. Hopeless Romantics fetishize love. Drama Queens fetishize suffering. Terrorists fetishize violence. Fascists fetishize power. Henry Kissenger once said "Power is the greatest aphrodisiac." For a power fetishist like him, it most certainly is. Many fetishists are a mix. For instance, an exhibitionist (action fetish) may enjoy being forced (conceptual or feeling fetish) by a mistress to wear her pantyhose (object fetish). Marriage is the most socially sanctioned fetish of all. Many people won't have sex until they're married. This is so common and acceptable that it's not considered a fetish. But it fits the definition, especially for some women. Marriage fetishists don't feel comfortable having sex without a wedding ring or at least the promise of one. So what happens if and when the thrill is gone? Different people in different cultures have different ways of working it out. Some marriage fetishists get divorced and then get married again, and again and again. Or if they're in Utah, they sometimes don't even get the divorce; they just get married again. Or they stay married and have affairs. But marriage can certainly be a fetish. It can also be The Anti-Fetish. That is, many fetishists feel they absolutely cannot enjoy their fetish with the person to whom they are married. Theories of Sexual Fetishism But back to the classics: bondage, sadism, masochism, transvestitism, psychrocism (that's being aroused by the cold). The origin of fetish terms like these lies in the works of 19th century psychologists Alfred Binet, Havelock Ellis and, perhaps especially, Richard von Krafft-Ebing. In his Psychopathia Sexualis of 1885, Krafft-Ebing was the first doctor to recognize the difficulty of drawing the line between fetish and "normal" sex when he said most lovers engage in "horseplay...just for fun" and that doesn't make them sado-masochists. In 1920, pioneering German sexologist Magnus Hirschfeld proposed his "theory of partial attractiveness," according to which, sexual attractiveness was the product of the interactionn of various factors within an individual. He argued that nearly everyone had special interests that could be considered "healthy fetishes," while only a small percentage of the population obsessed about one thing enough to be considered a paraphiliac. In 1927, Freud built upon Ellis' idea that fetishes began in childhood, theorizing that fetishism was the result of early psychological trauma. He wrote about a foot fetishist who, as a little boy, was shocked to learn that his mother had no penis. In fact, he was disturbed to the point of wondering if he might lose his own, developing castration anxiety. Then he discovered his mother's foot. To overcome his fear of losing his manhood, he obsessed about his mother's foot (a penis substitute), and became a foot fetishist. Nowadays, the word "fetish" is so trendy, it's almost meaningless. It usually is used to mean "sexual interest," not the classical paraphiliac fetishist who absolutely cannot perform or enjoy sex without incorporating the fetish. Now, all kinds of people go to Fetish Balls, dress up in corsets, leather, latex, 8-inch heels, pointy toed boots and other trappings of fetish fashion. Here we are leaving the psychologically disordered realm of paraphilias and entering the much wider world of sexual orientation, experimentation and preference. Nevertheless, you can certainly meet a dangerous paraphiliac at a Fetish Ball, just as you can meet a sociopath in your friendly neighborhood bar. A couple years ago, I was on Discovery Health Channel's "Berman & Berman Show" - which is very hot if you've got a fetish for perky female doctors who are also sisters (throwing a pinch of the incest fetish into the mix here) - and the subject was fetishes. Their most urgent question was (surprise, surprise): Is this normal? Can true diehard fetishists have "normal" sex lives? I was tempted to say, "No, Drs Berman & Berman, your exhibitionist-voyeur fetish that you expose through your own teasterama TV show is NOT normal; it's perverse, and you need intensive treatment now. So get down on your knees, buns in the air, and suck my high-heeled sandals." I was wearing these very fetishistic leopard print 5-inch-heeled sandals." But I didn't say that; I'm just not sadistic enough. So I told them the truth, "Yes, fetishists can have what we call normal lives: Just incorporate the fetish into your life in a positive way." But can your marriage actually benefit by exploring your fetish? Well, it usually beats the alternative, i.e., repressing it so that one of you runs into the arms of a lover or over the knee of a dominatrix. Exploring fetishes is risky business, like any great adventure. But I've seen many couples do very well with it, especially if they are intelligent and communicative. I've even seen some who resolve their issues with rage, peacefully and relatively safely by channeling their violent impulses through playing responsible S&M games together. It can even help to reduce domestic violence... It's the Bonobo Way. Well, the way I explore fetishes, it's the Bonobo Way. But that's not always the way. Some people have a fetish for torture – nonconsensual torture. Of course, this is very dangerous, to you, to your victim, to the country, to the world - and not good clean fetish fun. "Dubyaism," as I define it, is a fetish for dark, deadly activity, accompanied by a sick, frat-boy sense of humor. Not that these types of fetishistic torture - dominance & submission, sensory deprivation, being forced to wear hoods - can be erotic when performed consensually. The key is consensuality. Or, to use less clinical terms: The key is love and respect for the other person as a human being. Yet part of the whole idea - and the fun - of fetish is to dehumanize your partner, making him or her into a sex object, a role in your fantasies, a god or goddess, a slave or captive, a student or teacher. That why a healthy fetish-filled life balances this intensive fantasy play with a strong recognition of the humanity of your partner. Fetish Therapy Can you become addicted to a fetish? Of course! Anything pleasurable in life can be addictive. The best things in life are addictive. One key question is: Does your fetish enhance your life or make it more difficult? There are a variety of treatments for difficult fetishes, including cognitive therapy, psychoanalysis, aversion therapy and medication. The clergy of all the various religions also have their own form of "treatment" or counseling for fetishes that their religion deems improper. None of these methods actually gets rid of a fetish, no matter how undesirable, especially if the fetish stems from childhood or adolescence. But therapy can help to reduce dangerous or embarrassing fetish-related activity. It can also help the fetishist/patient develop a healthier, more positive approach to the fetish. My own brand of "fetish therapy" involves three main areas of work: 1) Talking about the fetish. Like psychoanalysis, therapist and patient talk about the origins of the fetish in the patient's early and later life, its manifestations in dreams and fantasies, and positive and negative forms of expression in the patient's real life. Though the work is primarily focused on the patient, of course, it may also involve the therapist sharing his or her own experiences with the fetish to help the patient gain greater insight, as well as to help him to feel more comfortable expressing his own feelings. 2) Roleplaying various scenarios that involve the fetish. Roleplaying, over the telephone or in person, helps both the therapist and the patient to learn more about the fetish through mentally and physically stimulating exploration and play. This can be very pleasurable for the patient, it can be painful, or a combination of pleasure and pain. These sexual psychodramas may lead to the goal of #3, but they can be valuable experiences in and of themselves. The goal is the journey. 3) Channeling fetishistic urges into positive actions. If there is a goal of fetish therapy, it is to learn to channel obsessive fetishistic desires into behaviors and activities that are not likely to harm the patient or others, and may even be beneficial in ways that go beyond scratching the itch of the fetish. "Harm" can range from physically hurting oneself or others to damaging relationships. Benefit can range from enjoying simple, basic, relatively guilt-free, sexual release in the midst of exciting fetishistic activity to developing deeper connections with one's significant other to creating works of art. Thus, a panty fetishist might go from stealing his friend's sister's panties to buying his own to sharing panties with a girlfriend to designing his own award-winning lingerie line. A fetish can be an awful sexual liability, or it can be a doorway that opens up to an awesome sexual heaven on earth. Read More |
|
Squirting World
Comments Off on Squirting World
Need to Talk about Squirting? Call Us Now: [callus] Secrets, Stories & Techniques of G-Spot Female Ejaculationby Dr. Susan BlockWhat is Squirting? One of the great sexual wonders of the world is Female Ejaculation. Called by a variety of names, from the poetic to the worshipful to the crass, it is the Nectar of Aphrodite, the waterfall of womanhood, the champagne of sexuality, a broken fire hydrant, the ultimate orgasm, the geyser of desire. Squirting! Spurting! Spraying! Gushing... Healing as Holy Water, sexy as sin, it's good for the soul, not to mention the skin. Luminous as a sparkling spring, threatening as a flood of feelings, female ejaculation is carnal proof that a woman's ability to hit her lover right between the eyes when she comes is equal to that of a man. Thus, its importance is not only erotic, but political, as it is a tangible, palatable (i.e., delicious!), orgasmic symbol of female sexual power. Often, female ejaculation is even more profuse and forceful than the male variety. Not everyone finds it erotic. Some are repulsed or threatened by the Raging Waters of Venus. Some women squirt naturally, some never do squirt at all, still others learn how to do it. Though female ejaculation is older than humanity, it is on a new frontier of female sexuality. Both women and men are expressing greater and greater interest in it. As a sex therapist, I get asked these questions more and more on my show and in my private practice: How can I squirt? How can I help my partner to squirt? The *meme* of "squirting" is veritably flooding the world. So, batten down the hatches! Better yet, ladies: uncork your champagne! Gentlemen: get ready to get soaked! If the squirting wave hasn't yet engulfed your neighborhood, it's on its way to bursting out of the closet (the water closet?), and drenching a bed near you. When I first discovered the phenomenon of G-spot female ejaculation orgasms, I was intrigued, excited, mystified and challenged. As a sex therapist, I wanted to understand it. As a woman, I wanted to experience it. This essay is about both. It is a journey into the eye of a sexual hurricane, a trip into inner space, delving into the deep sensations, as well as the anatomy, history, technique, spirituality, relationship issues, controversies, culture, comedy and sheer Dionysian-orgasmic release of squirting. Is It Real? Throughout Western history, prominent scientists have reported witnessing and experiencing the forceful release of fluids from the vagina during sexual activity. We can begin with the Western world's most famous ancient scientist, Aristotle, who wrote about the phenomenon of women's vaginal expulsions during sex, maintaining that they did not have the appearance or aroma of urine, nor did they stain the lady's toga. In the first century, the Greek Hippocratic "Father of Medicine" Galen, described the "fluid in the female prostate" as thinner than in males. In the 1500's, the Italian anatomist and surgeon Realdo Colombo, who claimed to have discovered the clitoris which he called "the sweetness of Venus," wrote about female fluid "rushing out" and "coming in one gush" from a woman in a state of sexual excitement. The first modern description of female ejaculation came from the Netherlands, which is not so surprising as the Dutch have long been open-minded about sex. In the 17th century, Dr. Regnier DeGraaf wrote about the urethra being pierced by ducts through which fluids are discharged, "occasionally in large quantities." In 1880, Dr. Alexander Skene found two glands in the urethra that emit prostate fluid. These are now called the Skene's glands. In the 1940s, American gynecologist Dr. Arnold Kegal discovered that if a woman has a strong PC, she is less likely to suffer from urinary incontinence. Just in case you don't know, the PC is not politically correct (on the contrary!), nor is it a personal computer. The PC is the pubococcygeus, also known as the "sex muscle," right between the genitals and the anus. This is the muscle you squeeze to stop yourself from peeing. Both men and women have PC muscles, and both benefit from squeezing and releasing them in what's known as a Kegel exercise. Whatever your gender or genitalia, squeezing and releasing your PC muscle helps you to have bigger, stronger orgasm with and without squirting. In 1950, a German obstetrician, Dr. Ernest Grafenberg found a very sensitive spot inside the vagina which he immediately named after himself: the G-spot, handily located just an inch or so up from the entrance on the side of the vagina closest to a woman's abdomen. Dr. Grafenberg found that stimulation of the G-spot could lead to expulsion of fluid from the urethra. "Large quantities of a clear, transparent fluid expelled not from the vulva, but out of the urethra in gushes," gushed Dr. G. "At first, I thought that the bladder sphincter had become defective by the intensity of the orgasm. But," he continued, "the fluid was examined and it had no urinary character (rather it was) secretions of the intra-urethral glands correlated with the erotogenic zone along the urethra in the anterior vaginal wall." Sounds like Mrs. G was a gusher." Despite Dr. G's discoveries, G-spot fever didn't take hold of 1950s Western society. Even the sex-positive feminists of the sexual revolution of the 1960s and 70s pretty much ignored it. Feminists proclaimed women's essential equality with men in and out of the bedroom, but somehow missed the fact that a woman can squirt like a man, sometimes with even greater force. Most women who did ejaculate were quiet about it, often mistaking it for urination. In the 1980s, the bestselling book The G-Spot by Dr. Alice Kahn Ladas, Dr. Beverly Whipple and Dr. John Perry, broke through the dykes, and a wealth of information about women's sexuality, including G-spot orgasm and female ejaculation, gushed forth. Since the 1990's, several studies have been done by Perry and Whipple, as well as Dr. Milan Zaviacic, Dr. Gary Schubach and Dr. Cabello Santamaria, regarding the liquid expelled during female ejaculation to determine the chemical makeup. According to Wikipedia, the expelled fluid has been found to contain fructose and sucrose, two natural forms of sugar. It also includes very low levels of creatinine and urea (the two primary chemical components of urine, found in high levels in pre- and post-ejaculatory urinalysis). Most interestingly, it contains prostate-specific antigen (PSA), the fluid produced by males in the prostate gland, which forms the base of male ejaculate. In females, it is generated by the Skene's glands which are located in the G-spot. That's why some people, including world-renowned FE expert Deborah Sundahl, author of Female Ejaculation & the G-Spot, and featured in BlockFilms' award-winning DVD Dr. Suzy's Squirt Salon(s), call the G-spot the "female prostate." In Eastern history, female ejaculation and the G-spot have long been recognized as important aspects of normal female sexuality. Tantric sex practitioners often refer to the G-spot as the Goddess Spot or sacred spot. They call the fluid "amrita," the nectar of the gods. The Kama Sutra is almost certainly referring to female ejaculation when it says "The semen of women continues to fall from the beginning of the sexual union to its end." Images of women ejaculating are carved into Buddhist and Hindu temples, along with other erotic sculptures. Japanese woodcuts show women squirting into bowls in ecstasy. Many East Asian men and women drank female ejaculate for its supposed aphrodisiac and rejuvenating qualities. A Storm of Controversy Despite the scientific evidence, the medical establishment has long been extremely dubious about female ejaculation. Over the years, the subject of G-spot female ejaculation has stimulated a veritable thunderstorm of debate among sex researchers, doctors, sex educators, porn stars, lovers, husbands and wives. Detractors insist that there is no G-spot, that women who squirt during orgasm are just peeing while they're coming, and all this hoopla over G-spot female ejaculation is nothing but a glorified golden shower. But those of us who have experienced the power and glory of G-spot female ejaculation - giving or receiving - know that it exists. This is not a matter of faith; this is the science of sex. Squirting orgasms have been documented, researched and chemically analyzed. In that regard, my own experience, as well as my video-study in female ejaculation, Dr. Suzy's Squirt Salon(s) provided me with extremely strong evidence. Too bad film isn't something you can scratch and sniff, because then you would know that it doesn't smell like urine! But the pleasure and power of female ejaculation do come across onscreen. You can see it, you can hear, and you feel it. And it feels good. This *feel-good* aspect of squirting is perhaps another reason that the naysayers have held sway over the years. Female ejaculation is a pure recreational pleasure that has no apparent direct role in procreation, except that women who squirt may, over the millennia, have procreated more, simply because we tend to enjoy sex more. Skepticism about squirting goes from the lab to the bedroom. On one of the Squirt Salons, Rebecca, a part-Native American (Cherokee) woman called in from South Dakota. She had no trouble squirting; she'd been doing it almost all of her adult life and loved it. Her problem was getting her new boyfriend to enjoy it with her. In fact, he didn't even believe that it was real. He accused her of peeing on him, implying that she was being rude. My guest expert Deborah Sundahl and I tried to help Rebecca to navigate the challenges of sharing the pleasures of female ejaculation with a skeptical lover. First, do the smell test; comparing the aroma of female ejaculate with that of urine. Next, let him read the scientific literature on the subject. In 2002, Dr. Emmanuele Jannini of Italy's L'Aquila University conducted a study that found that the Skene's gland openings vary in size from one woman to another, and some women appear not to have them at all. If Skene's glands do cause female ejaculation, this may explain why some women can do it profusely, while others can't at all, or just produce a little spurt (though a little spurt can feel mighty good!). According to other studies conducted by Dr. Cabello Santamaria, the phenomenon of "retrograde female ejaculation," where the fluid travels up the urethra towards the bladder, could also explain why many ladies can't or simply don't squirt. Many women, when they learn to ejaculate, realize that they have squirted in the past, but they haven't known what it was. Many have ejaculated into the toilet during or immediately after sex, assuming, of course, that they were peeing. Female ejaculation is by no means "necessary" for female sexual pleasure. But it is a healthy, normal, natural feminine experience that some women have without even trying. But just because it's "natural" doesn't mean any woman can do it without help. Just as many women (like me), needed to learn how to have a *regular* orgasm, most of us need to learn how to ejaculate. We need to learn a combination of technique and relaxation. And guys who are interested need to learn how to help, if they really want to help. Female Ejaculation is an everyday miracle. Just about every normal woman has the anatomy for it, but most don't do it. Moreover, the practice is veiled in mystery. Some porn films show it, but they don't explain what it is or how to do it. Sometimes they even use misleading tricks, like filling the woman's vagina with water that she then squirts out for the camera. Some sex education videos and books explain female ejaculation in much the same way that this essay tries to do, but they don't show it very well. Granted, it is difficult to explain. Thus, over the years, I have tried to create my own videos and literature that shows this process as clearly, and with us much fun and erotic delight, as possible.
I first heard the term "G-spot female ejaculation" from Deborah Sundahl back in 1992 at a Lifestyles Convention, having wandered into her seminar quite by accident. I had never heard of such a thing as women having "squirting" orgasms, at least not on purpose. Neither had anyone else in the seminar. It was something "new" and very exciting, but rather confusing and seemed way out of my personal realm-of-possibility, especially in a seminar like this, where we were sitting in rows of chairs as if we were in a biology class. I found Deborah to be quite charming and knowledgeable, and interviewed her on my show a couple of times, but didn't get an intimate lesson in squirting from her until 12 years later! In the meantime, I would encounter a slightly different approach to the art and science of female ejaculation. The Braun Method Years passed, and I didn't give much thought to female ejaculation until I met one of the most prominent, prolific, "hands-on" (and fingers in) modern crusaders for G-spot female ejaculation, Axel "The G-Man" Braun. Axel (now an award-winning director) is the handsome, nimble-fingered son of renowned Italian sex pioneer and filmmaker Lasse Braun. The elder Braun, an old friend of mine (now dearly departed), had written a booklet, The Nectar of Aphrodite, a sort of G-Spot Female Ejaculation Manifesto based upon his personal research into the phenomenon with 130 different women. Braun the Younger took his father's work into the next generation of ejaculation. Axel has long boasted that he can "make any woman squirt." He almost lives up to his grandiose claim, having succeeded with 12 out of 15 of the women on whom he's tried his method at the Dr. Susan Block Institute, most notably the vivacious and juicy Shayna Knight. As for the other three: One was deadset against squirting at all; she wanted to prove him wrong, and she did. Another was sick with a 102 degree fever (on another occasion, when she was well, she did squirt). The third admitted that she was too worried about what her jealous boyfriend would think to relax and let anything happen. The other 12, myself among them, all squirted with Axel, even though we'd never squirted before. The "Braun Method" is all in the finger action. It begins with the woman lying back, legs spread open, her partner (let's call him the "G-Man";) at her right side, if he is right-handed. After some sort of foreplay (kissing, oral sex, nipple play, rubbing the clitoris and labia, whatever gets her wet), the G-Man inserts two fingers into her vagina. Axel uses his middle and ring fingers for this, though you might prefer to use your middle and forefingers. Slowly, the G-Man moves his two fingers around inside of her, continuing the foreplay - rubbing her clit, playing with her nipples, lightly spanking her butt, etc. With probing fingers, he locates her G-Spot. He can feel it as a slightly raised, spongy, ridged bump on the "roof" of the vaginal cave. In most women, it is just behind the clitoris, and some experts consider it to be an extension of the clitoris. He then finds the center of this spot, pressing it gently but firmly. This pressure releases a warm flow of fluid, whereupon the G-Man begins vigorously "fingering" her, in and out of her vaginal opening, causing the rapid expulsion of fluid. That is, female ejaculation. The first time Axel made me squirt was New Year's 2000. Talk about toasting the New Millennium with my own Cristal Ejaculate! I'd just done a New Year's show, plus received a particularly good whipping from Axel's Daddy Lasse on Mario Saucedo's Bondage Cross, and sat down and up a few times on Mario's Dildo Chair. All that wild "foreplay" mixed with a few flutes of champagne got me loosened and lubricated for adventure. While Lasse was whipping me, Axel was whispering into my ear that he wanted to make me squirt. I'd seen several women ejaculate - Deborah, Kiss, Annie Sprinkle and Carol Queen, to name a few - but I'd never been able to do it myself, not that I'd really tried. I was also one of those skeptics who wondered if it wasn't just peeing while you're coming. Not that there's anything wrong with a nice golden shower, but well, that's just peeing. But Axel and Lasse both, each commandeering one of my ears, promised me it wasn't just peeing. Moreover, Axel insisted he could make me squirt without my knowing how to do a thing. As soon as I agreed, Axel disappeared into the bathroom to wash up. Emerging with sleeves rolled up and hands raised, he looked like a surgeon about to operate, or a magician showing he had nothing up his sleeve. Just to prove to myself that it wasn't urine, I took a nice long whiz right before sitting down with Axel. As I was already highly aroused and very wet thanks to all that whipping and whispering, Axel didn't have to do much in the way of foreplay. He slid his middle and ring fingers easily between my inner labia and into my vagina and immediately began probing around for my G-Spot. Once he located the raised spongy spot under the roof of my vaginal cave, he pressed it gently yet firmly. I felt a slight pinprick sensation, followed by a gushing feeling in my womb, at which point Axel began his dynamic forceful fingering technique. In and out, in and out. I felt like I was blacking out, but I could hear the oohing and ahhing of spectators around me. Actually, I felt kind of like a human washing machine (in a good way!) on rinse cycle. My eyes were closed, so I couldn't see myself squirt, but when I was done, everyone assured me that I had, indeed, ejaculated. I also noticed that Axel's arm and the towel I sat on, as well as the sofa under it, were soaked with my bountiful juices. Later, I looked at the video. Yes, indeed, there I was, squirting like a burst water pipe. These juices did not smell like pee. They smelled like pussy. As for the orgasm itself, it was intense, a little bit painful, and exhilarating like a roller coaster ride, leaving me breathless, dizzy and more than a little worn out. A few minutes afterwards, I found myself feeling hornier than usual and wound up having a lot of wild wet sex that night. No more squirting, but some of my deepest, longest, juiciest orgasms ever. From 2000-2004, I experienced G-spot female ejaculation about a half dozen more times, all with the G-Man, a frequent guest at my Speakeasy. Though I couldn't yet squirt with my husband or other sexual partners, I noticed that my regular orgasms became stronger, longer and more frequent than ever, and I seemed to lubricate more easily and copiously than before. Ivona's Way During this time, I met Ivona Diamond. When Ivona came to the Dr. Susan Block Institute, she had never squirted before. One night after the show, Axel asked her if she'd like to try it. Ivona's boyfriend Larry went down on her as I played with her nipples. Then she let Axel's fingers do the walking, using the Braun Method to make her ejaculate forcefully within about 10 minutes. Ivona is a very sensuous, adventurous woman. So no one was too surprised when she let loose and squirted up a small tropical storm. Still it was a baptismal sexual revelation. Soon Ivona became a Squirting Star. She squirted for me at my birthday party and at the first show on my broadcast bed at a new building of ours. Just as they christen a new ship with champagne, we uncorked our own personal Sex Bubbly to kick off a new era for the show in our beautiful virgin space. She squirted on her own birthday and for Halloween. She squirts regularly at home too. Ivona still enjoys G-spot female ejaculation according to the Braun Method, which Larry mastered along with oral sex. But Ivona taught herself to squirt quite profusely with no fingering at all. With nothing but the firm pressure of her favorite plug-in vibrator, Mr. Hitachi, on her clitoris, labia and pushed-out G-Spot, Ivona can spray like a turbo-charged sprinkler system in a matter of seconds. How does she do it? Goddess only knows, but she does it almost every time. Some women are squirting naturals; they do it without even trying. In fact, if they haven't been educated about female ejaculation or if they have ignorant lovers, they may even be embarrassed about it, though, of course, they shouldn't be. Ivona's not exactly a natural. She didn't start squirting until the G-Man pressed her button. But she does practice and, at this point, she can pretty much squirt on command. Here's her essential routine: She lies down, head propped against pillows, legs bent and spread wide, buns raised up slightly off the bed. She lubricates her sizeable clitoris and abundant inner labia with her saliva (or Larry's), then pulls those big wet butterfly lips open, placing Mr. Hitachi's head right under her clitoris and over her spread labia. Then she presses Mr. Hitachi down, turning him on high speed, raising her butt, breathing deep, squeezing and releasing her kegel or pubococcygeous (PC) muscles and gently but firmly pushing out her G-spot so that it is stimulated by Mr. Hitachi. After a minute or two, or maybe at the most, three, her eyes squeeze shut and a high-pitched moan emerges from her throat. A second or two later, the geyser erupts. It lasts up to five seconds. The amount of ejaculate that she releases ranges from not much more than a sparkly spritz of pussy perfume to a dazzling, gushing tsunami of amrita. Her secret? Practice, she says. Also, she says it's easier to for her to squirt a lot when she hasn't done it for a couple of weeks. Just like guys. Annie Body: Squirting Superstar Most of us can only squirt once or twice in a session. Some women are squirters unlimited. Take the amazing Annie Body who made her first appearance on my show in February, 2002. It was a low-key night with no other guests and no studio audience. Just me, my staff and Annie. Ms. Body, with her horn-rimmed glasses, naturally faded jeans and form-fitting lavender and purple toe socks, looked more like a college biology major than the porn star she is. Little did I know that this sweet, petite, slightly nerdy-looking young lady would turn out to be one of my hottest, wettest, wildest guests ever, and I'd discover exciting aspects of female biology I'd never witnessed before. At first, Annie just bounced around like a sexual puppy, licking me everywhere and doing it doggystyle with her friend AIN's Steve Nelson. But it wasn't long before we witnessed a rather remarkable aspect of Annie's body. That is, when Steve gently but firmly slapped her clitoris and swollen labia with his penis, she started squirting profusely. Wow! What a splash! I'd never seen a woman emit so much fluid! Steve could only cock-slap for so long, but Annie kept on squirting, like a backyard sprinkler. Then she let me do it. I'd never before made a woman squirt by my own hand! But I had no trouble making Annie squirt, spray, ejaculate and come like the Trevi Fountain over and over again, just by lightly slapping her engorged vulva.. I must admit it was a thrill, and I gave Annie a big hug and kiss for making it so easy for me.. She was ecstatic because, she said, this was only the second time she'd squirted in her life! I wasn't sure what to make of that. But I felt this was indeed a very special occasion. All that squirting made Annie thirsty. She took a long slurp of ice water and spit it out, reminding me of how much squirting is like spitting. Her saliva traveled across the bed like a cruise missile, hitting Steve in just the right spot. Then she went, lickety-spit to lick up her spit, and wound up giving him a very nice blowjob. That, of course, is another story. I didn't see Annie again until 2004 when she came back to squirt even more voluminously on several shows in succession, including "Bonobos and Missionaries in the Squirting Pussy Rainforest," "Faith-Based Sex," "Dommes & Hollie" and "Future Sex." That last show featured another female ejaculator, Avy Lee Roth (80s rock star David Lee Roth's porn star daughter), who had squirted once on another one of my shows, "Latina Orgasmical" while singing "Girl You Got Me" along with her dad. Squirting is so rock 'n roll. The Sundahl Method But the most important session of female ejaculation we've ever had here at the Institute would have to be the long, erotic, highly educational, soaking wet night we call Dr. Suzy's Squirt Salon(s). It was indeed a baptismal sexual revelation. My featured guest was noted FE expert Deborah Sundahl. Deborah stayed over at the Institute for a few days before the show. While she was here, I read her book Female Ejaculation & the G-Spot. One afternoon, I went up to the roof to do my usual yoga exercises, and I brought the book and a little hand mirror with me. There I was all alone with a panoramic view of Los Angeles, a towel, a pussy mirror, and this book on how to squirt. Sometimes I get aroused from just going through various yoga positions, and this was one of those times. I picked up the book and reread the parts with directions on how to squirt. Learning about sex from books isn't for everybody. But books have always helped me with my own sexuality. I learned how to have my first orgasm from Betty Dodson's Sex for One (then entitled Liberating Masturbation). That afternoon, I learned how to female ejaculate on my own from Deborah's book. Of course, the book is much more detailed than this essay, and I highly recommend it if you're interested in learning to squirt. But here's essentially what I did: First, I urinated downstairs before I went up on the roof. Then I found my private spot, spread out my towel and did about 30 minutes of slow sensuous yoga, breathing deeply, squeezing and releasing my PC muscles, concentrating on the pleasurable feelings in my body in general and my genitalia in particular. Next, I licked my fingers, and stuck my hands in my panties (I didn't feel quite certain enough that I wouldn't be seen to get completely naked. I rubbed my now juicy clitoris until I was very excited but not orgasming. Then, I stuck my index finger inside my vagina, crooking it into the "come hither" position, and rubbed and pressed my G-spot, feeling the ridges on the bump just an inch up from the entrance. I took my time. I didn't try to ejaculate, didn't really expect to ejaculate. I just focused on the pleasurable feelings in my G-spot. I felt it growing, swelling, enlarging against my finger. As Deborah's book suggested, I let it build and grow bigger and fuller. Every so often, I'd stop and breathe deep, and on the out-breath, I pushed as if I was going to pee, but I didn't pee. I just pushed out my G-Spot, so it was practically outside my labia. Sometimes it felt as if my G-spot was ballooning out on its own. Deborah cautions against pushing too hard and straining yourself. But I found that pushing out slowly and gently did lead me to squirt. That's right, I had my very first self-propelled female ejaculation experience, with Deborah's book in one hand as my other hand rubbed and pressed my G-spot. I first felt it on my finger, then I pulled out my finger along with a stream of hot flowing ejaculate that wound up soaking my panties, the towel and the book, and seemed to make the police helicopter circling above me screech to a halt in the sky. I sniffed my soaked panties and was pleased to find them smelling very faintly of flowers, certainly not of urine. I floated blissfully on my wet towel under the clouds for who knows how long. Then I ran downstairs to show Deborah who sniffed my panties and squealed with delight. "Congratulations, Suzy, you ejaculated!" Leila's Tantric Ejaculation The next night, I held the Squirt Salon(s) with Deborah, Annie and a lovely lady named Leila Swan, whom I dubbed the "Missionary of Squirting," since she hails from an Evangelical Christian background. Leila's father was a preacher who baptized people in the river; now she baptizes her lovers with ejaculate. Leila told the story of how she left her home on a farm, went to Hawaii and got involved in Tantric sex, awakened her ability to ejaculate. It's not surprising that the techniques of Tantra, including deep breathing, PC muscle exercise, extended attention to female pleasure and male self-control, and maximizing a woman's orgasmic potential, would sometimes result in female ejaculation. After Leila's story, a young lady named Maria called in on the show from the San Fernando Valley and told us that she was a squirter who had never been with another woman, and she could stop fantasizing about that. As Maria masturbated, I wove a story out of the reality of four hot women getting ready to squirt all over each other in her bed. Maria moaned and said she ejaculated. Next Richard called in from West LA, and asked for help in finding the G-spot. At this point, Deborah gave Richard - and the audience - a detailed, very close-up, anatomy lesson in how to find the G-spot, using Leila's beautiful G-Spot as a model. I invited our cameras to go "spelunking" into Leila's vaginal cave. Deborah said that never before had the G-spot been shown in such intimate, close-up detail. Then, she located Annie's G-spot. Finding it was so stimulating that Annie gave Deborah a very wet surprise! Just being a diagram made her squirt! Then Ken called in from Texas, and told the story of his first-time experience with a woman who ejaculated. He asked what shape penis is best for getting a woman to squirt. Deborah explained that it didn't really matter because even the light touch of a finger can get a girl to ejaculate, as she had just demonstrated with Annie. But Annie and Leila insisted that a curved cock is best for *hitting the spot.* All this talk about cocks and curves got Annie very excited, so she spread out an American flag towel, sat down on it with her legs spread wide, started fingering her G-spot and slapping her clitoris, and before we could say, Tidal wave!" she was squirting up a storm, a flowing Fountain of Venus.. Soon, everyone was covered in ejaculate. "You want to get fucked really hard," Deborah said to Annie. "You want to fuck me?" Annie challenged the teacher. Deborah accepted the challenge and proceeded to use her strong, skilled fingers to give Annie several more astounding ejaculatory orgasms, all the while explaining exactly what she is doing for the benefit of the audience. Then Annie squirted into a glass bowl, and I poured the ejaculate into a champagne flute, which we all passed around, sniffed and even sipped. Everyone agreed that the liquid looked, tasted and smelled nothing like urine. Trying to describe it was difficult though, like explaining fine wine! To top off her performance, Annie fisted herself! Then she ran off to get her strap-on, and Leila assumed center stage to demonstrate the art and science of female ejaculation with toys, using a curved G-Spot Stimulator Magic Wand and a small vibrating egg. Leila's ejaculate was not as forceful as Annie's, but just as beautiful, a bit lighter and more delicate in delivery, but almost as profuse. Leila squirts more than a bowlful, and we poured her nectar into another champagne flute, sipped and compared it with Annie's. Then Leila's lover, Big D, entered the scene, showing his sexual mettle by taking a large swig of Leila's ejaculate from the champagne flute and smacking his lips with pleasure. Since Big D was wearing a skirt (well, a kilt), I assumed he wanted someone to lift it. So I did, only to find out just why he is called Big D. Leila proceeded to give him expert, loving fellatio, as Johnny from Hollywood called in, eager to see my G-spot... I wasn't quite ready for that, so I took a call from Joyce in Iowa. Joyce boasted about her ability to squirt six feet, then proceeded to masturbate quite audibly as Leila rode Big D's big dick, bringing both Joyce and Leila to fantastic squirting orgasms. Then Mike called in from New York with statistical questions like "How much can a woman squirt?" which Deborah tried to answer as best as she could, with a veritable orgy going on around us. As Leila turned and rode Big D reverse-cowgirl style, we took another close-up look at Leila's G-spot. After all that riding and squirting, Leila's G-spot was more than twice the size it was before! It was so big and expressive; it seemed to speak to us. I called it "Pussy Talk," a show within the show. After a little cartoony Pussy Talk, we went to a deeper level, discussing the profound emotional aspects of the G-spot, the "Gateway to Higher Love." Then it was Deborah's turn. She showed her own G-spot to one of my cameras, as Annie and our other camera went out into the studio audience, finding couples and threesomes inspired to make love by all the exhilarating ejaculation action on the bed. I Squirt with Deborah Then Deborah offered to help me find my G-spot. This seemed like a fun idea. I had, of course, found it with my fingers many times, and gotten a glimpse of it in the mirror when I was on the roof. However, I'd never before seen it bigger than life on a television monitor. This would be very cool. But first I had to pee. After all, the Squirt Salon is a pretty long, intimate show with no breaks. So I decided to pee right on camera into a "pee pot" that we keep handy for such occasions. Since I was in the mood for making a statement, I grabbed a photoshopped photo of our President giving me head and stuck it into the pot. Then I "Peed on Bush," releasing a stream of my political frustration along with my golden showers. Annie and Kim also peed on Bush. With this, it was apparent to all that our pee was very different from the ejaculate. It was yellow, smelled strongly of urine and had a noticeably thinner texture than the female ejaculate. Then it was time for my own G-Spot Revelation. I leaned back against the pillows, opened my legs, breathed deep and pushed out as Deborah stimulated my G-spot with her forefinger. She rubbed it very slowly, telling me to relax, not an easy thing for me to do while I'm hosting a show. Of course, I had relaxed and ejaculated on the roof the day before. But I'd been alone and had plenty of time. Now I had an audience, including cameras. Of course, I'd done it on the show with Axel several times in the past. But he had really done all the "work." It didn't matter what I did; he just whipped the ejaculate right out of me. According to the Sundahl Method, I am more in control of my own ejaculation. So I had to really relax and feel the pleasure. To accomplish that, I imagined I was at the beach with waves crashing between my thighs. I closed my eyes, trying to forget the cameras and the audience. I breathed deep, and pushed out, feeling the pleasurable sensations of Deborah's finger gently rubbing my most intimate swelling spot, and then the next thing I knew, I was ejaculating ~ twice! What a surprise! I was speechless...for about a minute. Then I called for champagne, and all the Squirting Stars came together for a giddy, Dionysian celebration, kind of a cross between a women's consciousness-raising group and a drunken orgy. I was on a roll. With Deborah's help, I ejaculated a third time. An erotic "After-Party" followed with masked dancing and more squirting hot sex. With Annie's help, I ejaculated a fourth time. The evening climaxed, fittingly enough, with Big D climaxing, providing a nice reminder that men squirt too! Praise the Lord and the Lady. We are all loving, squirting beings. Since the night of the Squirt Salon(s), I've drenched many towels in squirting sex with my husband. I've also hosted other wet shows, including Faith-Based Sex, Squirt Crazy, Dommes & Hollie, Spring Showers, and Double-Annie Squirting Anniversary which featured 21-year-old Squirting Star Annie Cruz, as well as our beloved Rainforest Princess Annie Body. Can You Learn to Squirt? So, can you learn to squirt? Yes, you can! But will you? To some degree, it's up to you. As with any kind of learning, the first thing you need is motivation. Some, maybe most, women are just not motivated to do this, and that's fine. Female ejaculation is optional. You certainly don't have to ejaculate to be a happy, healthy, orgasmic, sexual woman. Some women aren't interested. Some just don't have the time. When you're worried about where your next meal is coming from, squirting is not at the top of your list of things to do. For some, it's "against their religion," which says only men should wear the pants and do the squirting in the family. Some women think men don't like it. Fact is that some men do; some don't. The ones that do tend to be the kind that really enjoy and seek out women's pleasure, and aren't too fussy about getting soaked with a splash of amrita. Speaking of which, there are practical issues. Some women don't like sleeping on wet sheets. I confess this to be one of my own problems with squirting regularly. This is one reason why I, like so many women, tend to hold back from ejaculating during sex; then, at a certain point, I tell my lover, "I gotta go pee," then run into the bathroom and squirt into the toilet. Yes, the mess is an issue. Female ejaculate doesn't stain, but it does tend to soak everything within a 1-6 foot radius; just think of spilling a glass of water in bed. You can put a towel down, but a really good squirt soaks right through the towel. Best to do it in the bath, on a nice clean floor, on the roof, or best of all, in a bed you won't be sleeping in that night. Face it, G-spot female ejaculation is one of those decadent pleasures, like fresh oysters, that require the right circumstances and preparation, as well as post-pleasure clean-up. Is it worth it? Well, aren't fresh oysters worth it, at least occasionally? Yes, they can be bitches to crack open, but if you succeed, you have yourself a real treat. So, isn't reaching a new height in sexual pleasure worth a little effort? I think so. But then, I love fresh oysters. At least, occasionally. Once you've got the motivation, you might find yourself squirting like a sprinkler system with just a little concentration and some good G-spot rubbing sex. More likely, you'll need some instruction, which you can obtain through books, videos, the personal touch, whatever works for you. Then again, maybe this little essay is enough to get you going, or perhaps you need to read Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot and/or watch the Squirt Salon(s) or another show or clip on the subject. Some of you may need more instruction than others. Some of you may have psychological or physiological *learning disabilities* that plug up your porthole, so to speak. Don't be discouraged. If you really want to squirt, eventually you probably will. Most of us hold it back for myriad reasons, good and bad, crazy and sane, conscious and unconscious. But we can all squirt. Remember: the human body is about 75 per cent H2O. It's just a question of letting a little out. Yes, indeed, Brothers & Sisters, Lovers & Sinners. Let the holy water shoot forth! Squirt Bombs produce Shock and Awe with Zero Casualties. Squirt for joy! Squirt for peace. Flood the world with pleasure. Cover the earth in cum. At least, occasionally... Addendum (May 2015): Since I wrote this essay over 10 years ago, I've squirted hundreds of times. I've also helped dozens of women to squirt, some for the first time. Others are Squirting Stars, like Deauxma, Eden Alexander, Rainey Lain, Kartier, Vicky Vixen, Alexandra Silk and many more. During this time, several naysayers have said denied the existence of female ejaculation, as well as the G-Spot itself, citing specious, sloppy studies and fluid-phobic old wives' tales. But many others, including myself, have defended the reality of the G-Spot and squirting, with eloquence, experience and science. So... let the rivers flow and the geysers shoot! Don't be afraid... it's Holy Water, Brothers and Sisters!
Need to talk about squirting or any other aspect of human sexuality? Call Us Now: [callus] Read More |
|
About Dr. Susan Block
Comments Off on About Dr. Susan Block
Susan Marilyn Block, Ph.D. is founder and director of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences. A world-renowned sexologist and best-selling author, her latest book, The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure, has garnered critical acclaim from a variety of media outlets and influencers, from politicians to porn stars, with over 50 five-star Amazon reviews. A magna cum laude graduate of Yale University "with distinction" in Theater Studies, Dr. Block, aka "Dr. Suzy," received her master's and doctorate in psychology from California Miramar University and an honorary doctorate in sexology from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Chosen as one of "America's Greatest Thinkers" (twice) by the Great American Think-Off, she is the recipient of DomCon 2020's "Best Animal Activist" award, and winner of the 2021, 2020 and 2019 Glenny Awards for "Sexologist of the Year." Best-known from her #1 Nielsen-rated HBO specials, Radio Sex TV with Dr. Susan Block, as well as her popular, often rerun episodes of the classic HBO series Real Sex and Cathouse, which have made her a familiar face on HBO's late-night programming, Dr. Suzy has made numerous guest appearances on many other radio and TV shows, including The Doctors, Oprah, MTV, Nightline, Today, NY Post Video, MEL and many more. For over 30 years, she has hosted The Dr. Susan Block Show, called the "Best of LA's Phone-In Shows" by The LA Weekly, "boldly original" by Libido Magazine and "the greatest sexuality show on earth" by the Brentwood Bla Bla. Talking about all aspects of sex, relationships, politics and culture, she interviews a wide variety of guests, from professors to porn stars, authors to icons, broadcasting live every Saturday night from her "Womb Room" studio in "Bonoboville" (both a real place in LA and a social media site). Offshoots of The Dr. Susan Block Show include Bedside Chats of the Coronapocalypse (inspired by F.D.R.'s Fireside Chats) and her new F.D.R. Radio podcasts she hosts with her husband, collaborator and "prime-mate" of almost 30 years, Pr. Maximillian R. Lobkowicz di Filangieri, “I love The Dr. Susan Block Show," writes Thomas S. Roche in Eros-Zine. “Block's shows are a saucy mélange of education and titillation, featuring not only what you might expect from a Sex Doctor -- sex advice, anatomical information, educational content -- but some things you might not -- a history lesson here, a masturbation session there, and plenty of porn stars frolicking amid Block's own brand of political discussion and spiritual celebration. I had the pleasure to enjoy two episodes of this excellent show, and it's safe to say that neither one is quite like anything I'd ever seen before... Block's enthusiasm for her topic is beyond infectious, and it's almost impossible to watch the show without enjoying her celebratory attitude." One of the top contributors to the Wiley-Blackwell International Encyclopedia of Human Sexuality, Dr. Block has written definitive articles on cuckolding, fetish, spanking, phone sex and striptease. She also wrote the foreword for the acclaimed collection, Ecosexuality: When Nature Inspires the Arts of Love. Her first book, Advertising for Love (Morrow), a popularization of her master’s thesis, forecast the current online dating explosion. Her second book, Being a Woman (Random House) which she co-wrote with pioneer radio psychologist Dr. Toni Grant, was a New York Times bestseller. Her third book, The 10 Commandments of Pleasure (St. Martin's), has been published in 15 countries and is now in its third English-language printing. She is quoted in The Bonobo & the Atheist by Dr. Frans de Waal, and she is a contributor to to The Live Art Almanac Volume 4 for her Eulogy for Frank Moore, Serpents in the Garden: Liaisons with Culture and Sex, an anthology by Counterpunch. Dr. Suzy is also frequently quoted in Cosmopolitan, Salon, The NY Post, Alternet and many other publications. Her columns on sex, health, politics and culture are published in various print and online magazines from Counterpunch to Mind Body Green (as well as appearing in her own online Journal), and are touted as "among the most readable to come out of LA" by Steve Mikulan in The LA Weekly. An excellent speaker on multiple subjects related to sexuality and culture, Dr. Block has addressed a variety of groups from YPO (Young Presidents’ Organization) to LSO (Lifestyles Organization) on sex, love, peace, pleasure, relationships, fetishes, fantasies, culture, politics, female empowerment, male well-being and the Bonobo Way. Her Bonobo Way talks and presentations at universities and conventions are especially legendary. In 2016, at the University of Puerto Rico, Mayagüez, she delivered the keynote address to the world’s first Ecosexuality Symposium at an academic institution. At UC Berkeley, she presented “The Bonobo Way of Nonmonogamy” at the 5th Conference on Monogamy & Nonmonogamy, and she gave a talk on “The Bonobo Way of Inclusivity” at AASECT, the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors & Therapists. and was invited back to give another talk at AASECT 2019 in Philadelphia. She presented “The Bonobo Way of FemDom Power” at DomCon LA 2016; and was invited back as a "Guest of Honor" to deliver “FemDoms of the Wild: Bonobo Female Empowerment” at DomCon 2017, the FemDom Bonobo Way at DomCon 2018 and DomCon 2019. At Adultcon, she presented “The Bonobo Way of Great Sex”. Dr. Block has also given lectures in Human Sexuality at USC, UCLA & Caltech, as well as at her alma mater Yale University for Sex Week at Yale and many other events. In August 2020, besides reprising her popular Bonobo Way presentation, Dr. Block served as Dom Con 2020 Mistress of Ceremonies. and is honored to serve again as DomCon 2021 Mistress of Ceremonies. "Dr. Block is one of the nation's leading sexologists, and a very bright and funny woman to boot," wrote Robert Scheer in The LA Times. Penthouse called her a “genius when it comes to sexual matters.” Married over 29 years, Dr. Block collaborates with her husband and "prime mate," Pr. Maximillian R. Lobkowicz, pre-Internet "reader-written" publishing pioneer (including The LA Star, Love Magazine, Hate, Finger, God (or "G"), Meetings with Remarkable People, The Brentwood Bla Bla and Beverly Hills, The Magazine), on all her projects. Pr. Lobkowicz's First Amendment work has been instrumental in turning over the magazine rack and criminal liable statutes in California. Together, Block and Lobkowicz operate Block Studios, aka Bonoboville, an 8,000 square-foot facility in the Los Angeles area that contains radio, television and Internet broadcast and recording studios, Dr. Susan Block Institute offices, “Dr. Suzy's Speakeasy" bar, the Garden of Bonoboville and the Bonoboville Gallery of Erotic Art. Through their publishing house, Gardner & Daughters, they publish Dr. Susan Block Speakeasy Journal. The first issue features SPLOSH 'n' Art and the second is SPANK 'n' Art. A professional member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) and the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS), Dr. Block utilizes both conventional and unorthodox methods of therapy in her practice. Every client is different, though she most often takes a three-pronged approach to treatment, involving 1) analysis, 2) technique and 3) adventure. Based upon her work with clients, guests, artists, staff and others over the past two decades, Dr. Block has developed the "erotic theater therapy" system, practiced both in her brick and mortar studio and via the telephone, webcam and other private communications media. From her LA area campus, she and her staff of therapists, artists and technologists produce sex-educational and entertainment media and provide therapy to an international clientele from nearly every country on the planet. “Dr. Block’s cult status is enormous,” wrote Lucy Broadbent in Cosmopolitan. "Dr. Suzy is no ordinary doc,” wrote Dr. Carol Queen in Spectator. “I was struck by the combination of cool aplomb and sexy compassion with which she handles her callers... Unlike the great majority of degreed professionals who know something about sex, she refuses to de-eroticize herself to get respect. She refuses to follow in the footsteps of the likes of the unfuckable Dr. Ruth, and this may not get her invited to some conferences, but she knows where her real respect comes from - her listeners and viewers, many of whom call her over and over and whose stories, problems and sexual fantasies she knows so well." Chosen as one of "America's Greatest Thinkers" (twice) by the Great American Think-Off, praised for her "prescient financial advice" by the Wall Street Journal, dubbed "the Erin Brockovich of the Bonobo" by Salon and "an ecosexual visionary" by Dr. Annie Sprinkle, Dr. Block has been an impassioned advocate of the highly endangered bonobo chimpanzees for over 25 years, using their very sexual, non-violent and gender-egalitarian "lifestyle" as inspiration for her pre-Bonobo Way philosophy of “ethical hedonism.” Her system of “Bonobo Liberation Therapy,” her educational Block Bonobo Foundation, her Bonoboville community, and her acclaimed manifesto The Bonobo Way are pillars of revolutionary advocacy. "Dr. Susan Block is America's hottest sex therapist," writes Jan Birks in Forum, "dispensing wisdom from her boudoir and taking the bonobo chimps as her model for the perfect sexual philosophy.” Her sex educational film series Dr. Suzy's Squirt Salons, instructional videos and clips bringing the mysteries of female ejaculation into the grateful grasp of thousands, was featured in the Cinekink and Barcelona Erotic Film Festivals, and her music video Blonde Island: Funk Me was in the LA Erotica Film Festival as well as Cinekink. She is currently co-producing Speakeasy, a documentary about her institute, with award-winning filmmaker Canaan Brumley (Ears Open, Eyeballs Click), San Diego Filmmaker of the Year and First Prize winner at the Marseille Film Festival. Dr. Block is also a member of the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences (documentary division), The LA Press Club and the Society of Professional Journalists, Los Angeles. She has also lent her expert knowledge of the human sexual condition to community service and the cause of justice, having served as a consultant to the LA Public Defenders Office (Sex Crimes Division) and private attorneys. But she'll never quit her day job as a sex therapist in private practice, serving clients all over the globe, from Southern California to Saudi Arabia. And don't worry, when you call her for telephone sex therapy, you are not on her show! Nor are you being recorded in any way (unless you specifically request that). Though Dr. Block herself is a public "personality," she understands the importance of maintaining the utmost privacy for her clients, and has an impeccable 25-year record to prove that. Everything in your sex therapy sessions is private, discreet and absolutely confidential. As a private client, you will receive Dr. Block’s total undivided attention, and you can talk with her or one of her other therapists about absolutely anything. For some topic ideas, see What Can We Talk About? For more information or to speak with Dr. Block personally, please call 626-461-5950. Read More |
Bookstore
