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Hello, I'm Brooke. I'm a former pornstar into group sex, cuckolding, BDSM, domination and humiliation, spanking, tickling, role playing, and much more. I'm very open minded and dirty minded ;)
Call me today for phone sex therapy at 626-461-5950 to live out your deepest desires.
For more info call: 213-291-9497Read More
What can we talk about
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You can talk with the telephone sex therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute about anything you want to talk about. No topic is too "taboo." Look over the lists of topics below under "Sexual Issues" and "Erotic Pleasures," if you need some ideas. As you can see, there is quite a bit of overlap among all the subjects we deal with. And we deal with more subjects than we could possibly list.
You may want to talk about several subjects in one session. You may want to discuss some serious sexual issues in your life as well as enjoy a hot phone sex fantasy. That’s fine. There are no limits on what you discuss or how you and your therapist talk in your private telephone session. Not all of our therapists can handle every kind of subject, of course, but we have a large team working with the Institute, and we can always find a therapist suited to your specific needs and desires.
And yes, you can masturbate, if you want, during telephone sex therapy sessions. And no, there is no other phone sex or phone therapy service quite like ours.
Sexual Issues Understanding Your Sexual Nature and How to Live with It Exploring Your Erotic Fantasies How to Find the Lover of Your Dreams Understanding Your Partner’s Fantasies Dealing with Your Fears and Desires How to Express Your Erotic Nature How to Explore Your Sexual Fetish Erotically and Safely How to Share Your Fantasies with Your Partner How to Liberate Your Inner Bonobo Childhood Influences on Your Sexuality Relationships and Sex Families and Sex Work and Sex Politics and Sex Money and Sex Religion and Sex Art and Sex Cuckoldry Trust Issues Sexual Wellness Religious Sexual Abuse How to Channel Erotic Inspiration How to Get What You Want In Sex, Love, Life and Death Orgasmic Fulfillment Orgasm Difficulties Masturbation Issues Masturbation Technique Mutual Masturbation Safe Sex in Dan gerous Situations Ejaculation Control Erectile Dif ficulties “Sex Addiction” Body Image Issues Shyness Exploring the Clitoris Low Sexual Desire Dealing with Your Partner’s Low Sexual Desire Penis Size Concerns Enhancement of Arousal Virginity Issues Exploring Pain/Pleasure Dynamics How to Find the Erotic Elements in Everyday Life Understanding sexual Illness and Injury Sex and Physical Handicaps Trying “The Lifestyle” (Learning to Swing) How to Increase the Passion in Your Marriage Understanding Eros and Thanatos How to Develop Your Sexual Communication Skills How to Give Great Oral Sex What You Should Know About Dominatrixes What You Should Know About Prostitutes How to Seduce the Lover of Your Dreams How to Lose Your Virginity Premature Ejaculation Different Sexual Positions for Different Pleasures Sexual Anatomy Lesson How to Deal with Extra-Marital Affairs Your Own or Your Partner’s How to Explore Your Feminine Side How to Explore Your Masculine Side Using Your Sexuality to Enhance Your Creativity Why Women Should Explore Phone Sex How to Explore Your Submissive Side How to Explore Your Dominant Side How to Find a Woman’s G–Spot How to Find a Man’s P–Spot How to Female Ejaculate How to Help Your Partner Experience Female Ejaculation Tantric Sex Techniques Pornography Issues How to Meet Mr. or Ms. Right How to Deal with Your Sexual Feelings toward Your Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, Children, Next-Door-Neighbor, Co-Worker, Boss, Employee, Student, Teacher, Sister-in-Law, Brother-in-Law, Cousin, Aunt, Uncle or Other Inappropriate Object of Your Desire How to Recover from Incest Trauma How to Recover from Rape, Molestation and Other Negative Sexual Experiences How to Use Sex Toys How to Explore the Loss of Control Sex and the Stock Market Holiday Blues/Holiday Sex How to Break Away from a Toxic Lover How to Forget a Lost Love Advertising for Love in the Classifieds and on the Internet Gender Issues Sex and Age Bisexuality Sex and Drugs Sex and Anti-Depressants Sex and Aphrodisiacs Dressing for Sex Undressing for Sex Sexercise for Sexual Health Circumcision Issues How to Conquer Your Sexual Phobias Finding the Pleasure in Your Life How to Share Sex Toys with Your Partner Sexual Meditation Erotic Relaxation Techniques How to be an Ethical Hedonist How to Practice the Bonobo Way of Peace through Pleasure
Erotic Pleasures Pure and Uncensored PHONE SEX Straight Phone Sex Lesbian Phone Sex Gay Phone Sex Bisexual Phone Sex Transsexual Phone Sex Threesome Phone Sex Cuckold Phone Sex Orgasmic Phone Sex Bukkake Phone Sex Kinky Phone Sex Intelligent Phone Sex Sensuous Phone Sex Romantic Phone Sex Personalized Phone Sex Strip Tease Hot Girls Masturbation Fantasy Roleplay Hot Chat Fellatio Cunnilingus Fingering Hot Sexual Intercourse Doggy Style Woman on Top Missionary Position Analingus (rimming) Anal Sex Goddess Worship Sadomasochism Bondage & Discipline Phone Bondage Swinging Dressing Up Abduction Fantasy Medical Fantasy Smoking Intruder Fantasy Leather Latex Lady Boys Rubber Fur Foot Fetish Water Sports Female Ejaculation Frottage Erotic Teasing Nipple Play Crossdressing Spanking Catfight Fantasy Domination Surrender Hot Dirty Nasty Talk Romance Lingerie Play High Heels Boots Stockings Pantyhose She-Male Fantasy Panties Jealousy Fantasies Underwater Sex Vibrator Play Dildo Play Butt Plug Play Group Sex Fantasy Slave Training Cuckold Fantasy Presidential Sex Genital Torture Exhibitionism and Voyeurism Cannibal Fantasy Satanic Fantasy Infantile Fantasy Shoe Worship Interracial Sex Playing Doctor Beach Party Consensual Gangbang Celebrity Fantasy Girl Next Door Boy Next Door Horny Housewife Next Door Mother Fantasy Father Fantasy Childhood Fantasy Teenage Fantasy Rape Fantasy Hermaphrodite Fantasy Orgy Corsetry Muscle Woman Pregnant Fantasy Menage a Trois Flagellation Cum Fetish AutoFellatio Fantasy Felching Fantasy Food and Sex Shaved Genitals Shaved Bodies Animal Sex Fantasies Golden Showers Brown Showers Erotic Enemas Fisting Wet on Wet Queening Gag Fantasy Piercing Wrestling Fantasies Tantric Sex Play Weight Training Sensory Deprivation Sensory Enhancement Tickling Science Fiction Fantasies Vampire Fantasies Incest Fantasies Bondage Fantasies Nurse Fantasies Tattoos Small Breasts Big Breasts Big Nipples Big Buns Beautiful Buns Tiny Tummy Big Tummy Pregnant Tummy Long Legs Shaved Vulva Hairy Vulva Big Penis Small Penis Big Balls Slut Training Shaved Penis and Balls Threesomes Block Party Multiple Orgasm Love Fantasy much, much more!
Secret Sexual Fantasies
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by Dr. Susan Block
What's your favorite secret sexual fantasy, the one you never talk about that always turns you on? Your fantasies are always with you, playing hide-and-seek with your perceived realities, whispering wild ideas into your inner ear, showing movies in your mind, stirring your passions mysteriously, yet so powerfully. If you are imprisoned in any way--by your work, your family, your education, your religion, your government--your fantasies become your freedom. Sometimes your ability to fantasize is the only freedom you have.
Erotic Fantasy is the G-Spot of Your Mind
Where does fantasy end and reality begin? The English philosopher John Richter said, "Fantasy rules over two-thirds of the universe, the past and the future, while reality is confined to the present."
Fantasy--the original “theater of the mind”--makes up a huge portion of human consciousness. Memory, as it filters through the mind's eye, is a kind of fantasy that gazes backward, into the past. Hope, anticipation, fear and ambition are fantasies that look toward the future. Our sexuality is fueled by fantasies of the past and the future, as well as “pure” fantasies--wild dreams that never happened and that you never really want to have happen--that haunt and stimulate you like a kinky parallel universe.
A sexual fantasy can be a long, complicated story, a quick mental flash of erotic imagery or something in between. Whatever form it takes, it arouses your sexual feelings. As such, your favorite fantasy is the G-spot of your mind.
Experts agree that sexual fantasies are important, powerful and pervasive. But they can’t agree on much more about them. For every study that concludes that women or men fantasize one way, there’s another that concludes the opposite. If you look hard enough, you can find a study to prove any theory about sexual fantasies and another one to disprove it. Maybe this is because it is very difficult to measure fantasies except through questionnaires, and it is so easy and tempting to lie on questionnaires, especially when it comes to opening up about our deepest, darkest, most embarrassing, secret, sexual fantasies. Therefore, I will not use many studies to justify my points here. As a sex therapist with one of the largest private practices in the world and a sex-oriented radio and TV talk show host for over two decades, as well as an erotically-married woman for almost 18 years, I base my observations on my own professional and personal experience, which I believe is as good a “study” on fantasy as any.
Before we discuss where your secret fantasies come from and whether or not to share them with anyone, let’s take a look at some of the most common ones...
The Perfect Lover
The most popular sexual fantasies among men and women involve images of sex with a passionate, attractive, exciting partner who will do whatever you want, even if that means dominating you. Your Perfect Lover could be someone you know; it could even be your real-life partner. It could be someone you saw in class or at work but never talk to, a celebrity with whom you feel a connection, or a complete stranger you happened to face for two intense minutes in a crowded elevator. It could be someone that would be your ideal mate, if only you could be together. Or it could be someone very taboo: a relative, your best friend’s spouse, a MILF, a “bad” boy or girl, someone of whom you know your family would disapprove. Perfect Lovers run the gamut, but the universal characteristic is that you find this person irresistible and extremely satisfying, at least in fantasy.
Even very traditional ladies who prefer romance to porn enjoy the fantasy of the Perfect Lover. While such a scenario might involve nothing more than kissing, Perfect Lover fantasies can entail sexual intercourse in every position. Oral sex (giving or receiving) is a big favorite, followed by manual sex, anal sex (giving or receiving) and mutual masturbation. In addition to these basic physical sex acts, there are many other types of sex about which you might fantasize, especially if you feel deprived of a particular favorite activity. Your Perfect Lover will never deprive you…unless you have a deprivation fetish.
One popular variation on the Perfect Lover is what I call “Some Enchanted Evening”: sex with a sexy stranger. It’s not that I’m recommending sex with a real-life stranger, at least not without sheathing your body in a suit of latex armor, the shining armor of the knight of the 21st century, but the fantasy of sex with an exciting, attractive stranger is a delightful aphrodisiac that many women and men enjoy. One of the reasons these kinds of lovers are “perfect” is that you don’t know them at all.
It’s even more common to fantasize about your real-life lover, who may not be perfect, but must be pretty hot and is certainly familiar and easy enough to conjure up in the erotic theater of your mind. But because it’s a secret sexual fantasy, you might imagine something different than the usual. Maybe you fantasize that your real-life lover is aggressive even though he or she is usually passive, or that the two of you are being watched, or perhaps you imagine yourself watching your lover have sex with someone else. This brings us to the next most popular type of fantasy…
Two Perfect Lovers—Or More!
Double your pleasure, double your fun; sex with two lovers is more fun than one! The threesome is another very common sexual fantasy. It’s often associated with the male erotic imagination, and it’s certainly one of the most widespread male fantasies, invoking images of double-wived patriarchs and the pleasures of the harem. But women are catching up as it becomes more acceptable for us to admit we’d like to be with two hot men at once, or perhaps a man and another woman.
The male standard is sex with two women, of course--often a girlfriend and another lady. This sort of ménage à trois fantasy is flattering to your erotic ego and gives you a sex-educational glimpse into the secrets of lesbian sex. Of course, these are not man-hating lesbians; in fact, they love your penis!
More and more men now also confess that they fantasize about having a threesome with a woman and another man. The level of imagined physical intimacy can run the gamut from barely touching the man while you both focus on the woman all the way to the two men having intense sex while the woman simply watches or “directs.” You might also imagine watching the other man have his sexual way with your woman, with you as the “cuckold,” creating what I call the “sperm wars” effect, a competitive rise in your sperm count that arouses you even if you feel jealous and insecure.
Threesome fantasies can be so vivid, especially if one of the partners is your real-life lover, that many people try breathing life into them. The resulting reality spans from having a beautiful experience which enhances your relationship, as well as your sense of your sexual self, to an awful, awkward incident that hurts everyone involved. One thing is certain: Everything in any fantasy is “perfect” as far as your libido is concerned. Reality, however, is not quite so in tune with what turns you on, let alone what turns on your real-life partner or the third party.
A threesome can become an orgy, which is another common sexual fantasy. One way to keep sexual monogamy from becoming monotony is to maintain an active fantasy life with as many different partners as you can imagine. I happen to have a personal soft spot for real-life orgies, holding them regularly at my Institute, giving me and everyone here not just the chance to live out a common fantasy, but the opportunity to experience real-life communal ecstasy. But that’s the subject of another bloggamy and another Master’s Tea. Back to fantasy…
Sometimes when you imagine a threesome with someone of the same sex, it’s a prelude to fantasizing about a more intimate, same-sex twosome. Or maybe the third opposite sex lover is just there for show, to “guide” or even “force” the two same-gender lovers to play with each other. Or maybe your erotic theater of the mind will just combine the male and female into one and imagine sex with a pre-op transsexual or shemale.
This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re truly gay, though it could. It more often means you’re truly bisexual, which I believe most of us are, and that your fantasy life is making up for what you repress in your real life. Just because you fantasize about having sex with someone of your gender doesn’t mean you ought to do it. Same sex fantasies can signify a lot of different things for people who lead mostly straight real lives--from seeking personal validation to breaking societal taboos.
It’s funny; it used to be much more taboo for women to admit to any kind of fantasies, except the kind revolving around love and “bodice-rippers,” a.k.a. romance novels. But now that more women are creating porn and erotica, making it more romantic--that is, story and character-driven--younger women are unabashedly eating it up. Modern ladies also seem to have an easier time accepting their bi-curious fantasies than most men do. There are various sociopolitical, cultural, psychological and physical reasons for this. Women know that most men are turned on by two women together, whereas it’s still a rare, very open-minded woman who enjoys two men together. Our society is more homophobic than lesbian-phobic. Then there are the real-life, physical risks which tend to be greater between men, since penetration is more often involved, than between women.
When fantasizing about sex with another female, most women imagine the other woman’s whole body: her breasts, buns, hair, lips (both pairs), clitoris, soft skin, seductive eyes, etc. When men fantasize about other men, they tend to focus on one part: the penis. Usually, they envision a big one. So Freud was wrong about “penis envy.” Women don’t have it; men do. At least, a lot of men do. Certainly, Freud himself did.
Even, perhaps especially, the outwardly homophobic male has gay fantasies. Why do you think a guy like that is so scared of gays “converting” straight men? Because in his fantasies, that’s exactly what happens: a hugely endowed male dominates him, forcing him to have sex—usually giving oral or taking anal--and he likes it, at least in fantasy (again, this doesn’t necessarily mean he’s truly gay). Masters & Johnson reported that heterosexuals often fantasize about homosexual encounters and vice versa, more often reflecting curiosity and other impulses than the desire to change the gender of one's real-life lovers. Norman Mailer went so far as to say that “There is probably no sensitive heterosexual alive who is not preoccupied with his latent homosexuality.” I would add “at some point in his life,” since such desires come and go.
Our society tends to make things black or white, good or bad, male or female, heterosexual or homosexual. But the human sexual imagination is most definitely bisexual, even what you might call omnisexual. When Edna St. Vincent Millay went to a doctor for her headaches, he suggested they might stem from “an occasional erotic impulse toward a person of [her] own sex.”
“Oh, you mean I’m homosexual?” Millay responded, “Of course, I am, and heterosexual too, but what’s that got to do with my headache?” Maybe that’s what the Pulitzer-prize-winning poet and Vassar girl meant when she wrote “my candle burns at both ends.”
Men are not from Mars, women are not from Venus. We’re all from the same beautiful, wild, sexual planet Earth, and we’re far more alike than we are different. Dr. Alfred Kinsey was among the first to show that we’re all on a bisexual continuum with absolute heterosexuals on one end and absolute homosexuals on the other end. Very few of us fall at one extreme or the other. That doesn’t mean we like both sexes equally at all times. It just means most of us can potentially, under the right circumstances (boarding school, prison, a desert island, etc.), with the right person (the Perfect Lover), be aroused by either gender. Certainly, we can, and often do, enjoy being “bi” in fantasy.
Surrender and Power Trips
Power and surrender, or “dominance and submission” (D/s) fantasies are quite common among both men and women. They seem to be gaining in popularity, but they're even older than the human race, probably flowing through the erotic minds of our bonobo and chimpanzee cousins. They can be crude or romantic, marvelous or dangerous. D/s fantasies may involve sadomasochism (S/M), bondage and discipline (B/D), an imagined abduction, a fantasy “rape,” spanking, whipping, tickling, torture, teasing, body worship and a host of other activities that may or may not entail actual sexual intercourse. In D/s fantasies, being “bad”--whether you are the nasty Dom or the naughty sub--feels really good. It’s another trick of the imagination that turns the “good” status quo on its head in order to turn you on.
It’s easy to understand why people enjoy dominating others. Power is a rush, especially in fantasy. You get to do whatever you want to the sex object of your dreams. What more could you desire? Many people pursue physical power over others in real life, often entering political, police or military careers. Others prefer to go on their power trips in their erotic imagination. Traditionally, “domination” is considered a male fantasy, probably most popular among young men who are relatively powerless in real-life society, even though they have testosterone-pumping energy to spare. But more and more women say they enjoy the fantasy of being dominant, “on top,” wielding a whip or even sprouting a penis (okay, Freud was right about some women) or other penetrative “weapon,” perhaps wearing a strap-on dildo in real-life sex.
But why do people long to submit? It’s certainly not all Stockholm Syndrome. As a therapist, I hear many more fantasies of submission than dominance, from both men and women. That’s partly because private therapy is expensive, and the men and women who can afford it tend to be successful professionals who dominate others in real life. Nature seeks a balance, often finding it through our fantasy life, making otherwise dominant people long to surrender, to be overwhelmed by someone else’s passion and power. In their erotic imaginations, and sometimes in a real-life role-playing session with a dominatrix, they surrender control for a brief period in their busy, power-packed day or week. They take a mini vacation from real life stress and the responsibility of being in charge, perhaps a time trip back into a childhood or adolescence under someone else’s control. Since society puts so much pressure on us to achieve--and achieving is hard work--deep in our secret erotic imaginations, many high-achievers long to surrender.
But there’s another, even more pervasive reason many people eroticize and even become addicted to submission: guilt. Forced surrender allows you to do something sexual without it being your “fault,” absolving you of guilt, at least in fantasy. No one likes to be raped in real life, of course, but the rape fantasy is extremely popular, as long as it’s being perpetrated by someone attractive. Usually, your fantasy rapist is a kind of Perfect Lover, someone you would actually be thrilled to have sex with in real life. But, in a rape fantasy, you give yourself the additional pleasure of resistance and the absolution of innocence (it’s the rapist’s fault, not yours!). Though, of course, it is your fantasy mind that creates the rapist and everything he or she does. For obvious reasons, the rape fantasy is most common among sexually repressed “good girls” and outwardly conservative men. It’s also an ego-boost to the sexually insecure, as it allows you to feel extremely desirable, so much so that your rapist finds you impossible to resist.
Whether you are being raped, ravished, abducted, tied up, spanked, teased, forced to dress like a slut or led around on a leash as the slave of a powerful, sexy Master or Mistress, in a submission fantasy, you get to be made to do or get what you secretly desire. So a foot fetishist will be “made” to worship feet, the nipple masochist “forced” to suffer extra painful nipple clamps and the panty lover “ordered” to put on the mistress’ knickers. Dominant/submissive scenarios may involve master/slave, goddess/supplicant, rapist/victim, boss/employee, teacher/student, parent/child, john/hooker, doctor/patient or guard/prisoner.
Men and women probably fantasize with equal passion about sexual surrender. But it’s still more socially acceptable for women (even feminist women) than it is for men, so men more often combine feelings of humiliation with submission. Politically incorrect as it may be, male submission fantasies often involve being dressed up in traditional, sensuous or “slutty” women’s clothes and called derogatory "sissy" names. This may or may not overlap with cross-dressing or transgender fantasies.
Keep in mind that some people have transgender fantasies that are not at all submissive; they really do feel that they were born into the body of the “wrong” gender, and their fantasies are sometimes a prelude to “becoming” the opposite sex in real-life through hormones, surgery and lifestyle changes. But very often, male transvestite fantasies aren’t about really wanting to be a woman; they’re about submission in the form of erotic degradation.
I could go on and on about the many different types of sexual surrender and submission that people enjoy. In love--as opposed to war, politics or business, where "surrender" conjures images of defeat and shame--surrender can be sweet and the ultimate, intimate fulfillment. The ancient Taoist masters said, "In yielding, there is strength." In surrender, there can be power--certainly sexual fantasy power.
Exhibitionism and Voyeurism
Another common fantasy combo is seeing and being seen, showing off and watching the show, exhibitionism and voyeurism. It’s not all visual; you can be an audio-voyeur who enjoys hearing someone talk “dirty,” and you can be an aural exhibitionist who gets off on telling your sex secrets to the world. But most exhibitionism and voyeurism is about the joy of the erotic gaze and the thrill of being gazed upon, breaking through the strong social taboo of visual privacy.
The entire porn industry is based on people’s voyeuristic desires to see otherwise forbidden images of other people engaged in sex. We love to watch. There are obviously enough people who love to be watched that there are plenty of porn stars and strippers. Those are extreme professions to be in, but in fantasy you can do it all and bare it all before thousands or in forbidden places. Marilyn Monroe is said to have had recurring dreams in which she stripped off all her clothes in a church as a stunned congregation silently worshipped her naked beauty.
With the advent of reality shows, erotic blogs and obsessive, sexy photo-posting on social networking communities, exhibitionism and voyeurism are busting through the erotic theater of the mind and into that half-way house between fantasy and reality: the media. More and more, natural exhibitionists are just making and posting their own porn, turning everyone on their “friend list” into voyeurs.
In our society, we tend to think of exhibitionism as female and voyeurism as male. After all, due to the hot politics of cold cash, most strip clubs have female performers for male customers and the great majority of straight sex magazines and websites have pictures of women for men to admire. You can post anything on the Internet but, still, women tend to be the ones who get paid for sex as a stripper, prostitute, porn star, mistress or other sexual performer. Whether this shows that women are dominant--making money doing what they already enjoy as they call their own shots--or submissive--allowing themselves to be exploited and made to do things they don’t like for the sake of money--depends on the woman. Likewise, whether “paying for it” shows that men are dominant--wealthy and powerful enough to pay and get what they want--or submissive--forced to pay because that’s the only way they’ll get what they need--depends on the man.
Most people would say the He-Pays-To-Watch-Her scenario is the natural relationship between male and female, but is it? In nature, it's usually the male of the species that's the exhibitionist, the classic example being the peacock. His sex drive programs him to strut his sexual stuff for the female who watches him voyeuristically and quite critically, deciding whether he'd make a good sex partner based largely on the beauty of his tail. Since there aren’t too many opportunities for men to sexually display themselves for women in our society, many men secretly fantasize about exhibitionism. They desperately want to show themselves off, with special emphasis on their taboo penises that are so forbidden everywhere except hardcore porn. In fact, there’s a fetish that is gaining in popularity on the Internet known by its initials CFNM: Clothed Female, Naked Male.
Animals and Angels
Your wild erotic nature may emerge in animal fantasies. Don’t worry, having animal sex fantasies doesn’t (usually) mean you want to have sex with animals in real life. You may just revel in the ultra-taboo, bestial wildness. Horses and dogs figure commonly in men’s bestiality fantasies which usually involve them submissively receiving sex from the animal or voyeuristically watching a woman engaged in sex with the animal. Female fantasies tend to involve the woman being the animal, often something in the wild “pussy” family, such as a lioness, tiger or cheetah. No wonder wildcat patterns are so popular in women’s fashion.
Of course, real-life bestiality is appalling to most people. But animal sex fantasies connect you to your animal nature, often freeing your mind from the all-too-human sexual oppression that lurks within you.
On the other end of the sexual fantasy spectrum lies the spiritual. Sacred sex. You might fantasize about an Eros angel with wings to take you flying. Dreams of flying are often considered symbols of orgasm. You might imagine a divine threesome with you, your lawfully wedded spouse and the all-embracing presence of God or the Goddess. Your sacred sex fantasies might be influenced by a religious upbringing, the Bible, the Koran, the Tao Te Ching or other spiritual teachings that elevate the sex act to something heavenly, such that you might imagine your sexual union as a cosmic merger of two souls becoming one. Religious people don’t tend to characterize their ideas about spiritual union as fantasies, but if the holy robe fits, wear it. Fantasies of sex with space aliens and superheroes go into the “angel” category, though some might be a bit more animal.
These are the most basic types of secret sexual fantasies. There are many more variations, and I’d love to hear some of yours. But first let’s answer a few fundamental questions about sexual fantasy, where it comes from and where it can take you.
Where Do Fantasies Come From?
Your fantasies begin in the cradle, perhaps even in the womb. By the time you reach your teens, they get really intense. Many of your erotic fantasies stem from early memories, the first images you find arousing. If for no other reason than constant proximity, these images often come through interactions with family: your mother's lingerie hanging on the clothesline, your father spanking you, catching your sister naked in the bathroom, your brother wrestling you to the ground. That's one reason why incest fantasies of all kinds are so common. But don't worry; just having incest fantasies doesn't mean you've ever really had incest or ever will.
It’s true that real-life incest victims and perpetrators tend to be preoccupied by such imagery, often arising from traumatic memories. But most people who have incest fantasies have never acted on them. Oedipus complex, anyone? Freud may have been off on penis envy, but he was right on the money shot when he theorized that Oedipus and Electra, Mommy and Daddy complexes, and other types of terribly taboo incest fantasies permeate the secret spaces of many of our erotic minds.
Of course, the family is not the only source of secret sexual fantasy. You might pick up images from friends, neighbors and school experiences, as well as from your favorite fairy tales, movies, TV shows and popular music, not to mention Internet porn. These early images are very powerful, because they impress themselves upon you when you're very impressionable. They become blueprints for your desire, repeating themselves in your memories and activating your imagination, infusing your natural sexuality with meaning and excitement. They alternately confuse, excite, please, comfort and torment you. And they become secret sexual fantasies.
Your erotic fantasies might be influenced by aspects of your early years that aren’t so obviously sexual. We human beings are masters at finding silver linings in black clouds, and we often do this through the “magic” of sexual fantasy. For instance, if you were very sick as a child and confined to bed, you might go on to fantasize about bondage or sensory deprivation. If you were abused or bullied when you were small, then later in life you might turn being bullied into something pleasurable and fantasize about erotic submission or humiliation. On the other hand, your fantasy mind might rather turn the tables on reality and eroticize domination.
What Are Fantasies Good For?
Sexual fantasies can be keys that unlock the doors of your repressed personal history. They can help you to cope with your real-life problems, just as your dreams do, though they tend to do it when you’re awake. They can help you work through past trauma or abuse, operating like an erotic painkiller on negative, hurtful memories. Of course, that can lead to other problems, such as wanting to act out the fantasy and perpetrate the abuse that you experienced onto someone else. But it doesn’t have to. Sexual fantasies and erotic dreams, especially when accompanied by orgasm and perspective (not necessarily in that order), can help to release the stress and trauma of the past. They can also help you relive good sexual memories. You appreciate this benefit of fantasy more as you get older. And no, you don’t have to act out anything in real life; you can keep your secret sexual fantasies and memories locked up in your mind for safekeeping.
But fantasies aren’t just about the past. They can also prepare you for the future. Fantasies can be hazy or detailed rehearsals in the erotic theater of the mind for sexual acts you haven't yet experienced. That’s probably a pretty common use of fantasy at Yale, or on any college campus. Just as athletes imagine playing and winning the Big Game before it actually happens, so you might imagine seducing or being seduced by your Perfect Lover before the Big Date--or the Big Hook-Up. Some Casanovas and Cleopatras combine fantasy with strategy to entice any partner they desire. This is part of the Mystery method that Matador represented at Sex Week at Yale in 2008. If you can dream it, you can do it.
On the other hand, your secret sexual fantasies can trip you up. Fantasies can be very perverse, enhancing your insecurity, even as they arouse your passions. If you tend to fantasize about being humiliated by people you desire, then you might have a hard time--so to speak--psyching yourself up in a positive way for a date with someone you’d like to impress.
Understandably, people often would like to get rid of troublesome fantasies. Maybe they fantasize about being embarrassed when they’d like to be confident, or having gay sex when they’d like to be straight, or doing their partner’s sister when they’d like to focus on their partner. But deleting a secret sexual fantasy from your mental hard drive is much easier said than done. In fact, it really can’t be done. Very often, the harder you try to banish a bad fantasy from your head, the more insidiously it will wrap itself around your every thought and feeling. You simply can’t control your fantasies, at least no better than you can control your dreams.
But your fantasies don’t have to control you either. Just because you imagine doing some crazy, kinky thing doesn’t mean you have to do it. You can’t control what you imagine. But you can, more or less, control what you do in real life. So don’t make like the Thought Police and bust yourself for your fantasies! Hold yourself accountable for your actions, not your thoughts. Your favorite, secret, sexual fantasy is a gift you can’t return, though sometimes, with time, it fades.
To Share or Not to Share?
Make friends with your fantasies. Don’t vainly attempt to control them, and maybe they won’t take control of you. Then you can use them as safe outlets for dark, naughty or forbidden desires that you can’t, or wouldn’t, want to live out--perhaps because you know that doing so would hurt you or someone you love. For some people, fantasies are great mental sex toys, interactive mind-movies, playgrounds for the libido. We grow up playing as children, but gradually all our games become serious and there’s very little playtime left in our adult lives. The erotic theater of the mind is a place for you to play. Do try to play safe, though that’s not always as simple as it sounds.
What about sharing? Opening up about otherwise secret sexual fantasies with your partner can make lovemaking more exciting. Sharing fantasies isn’t usually necessary when you first have sex together. So much is new in reality, your mind doesn’t have to go much farther than the present moment for stimulation. But after a while, when you’re in a long-term relationship, you get to know each other’s bodies so well that your mind is bound to drift…into fantasy. After all, there are only so many physical positions into which you can bend your bodies, but there is an endless array of mind-games you can play, or role-play. On the other hand, your secret sexual fantasy could hurt, anger, scare or disgust your lover. One person’s fantasy is another’s nightmare.
So, to share or not to share? It really depends on you, your partner and the fantasy. In other words: proceed with caution. Take baby steps…
If you've never shared a fantasy with your lover, and you'd like to try, start by sharing a memory, a thrilling erotic experience you actually had together. Reminisce about it in bed, then embellish the memory by imagining something that could have made the experience even more exciting. You can also stimulate the sharing of fantasies by reading or looking at erotica together. Be poetic, be explicit, be romantic, be outrageous, be honest, but be sensitive. Try tossing out small parts of your secret fantasies like test balloons; if it floats, keep embellishing; if you can see it sinking by your partner’s negative reaction, switch gears. It’s risky business, but nothing great in life comes without taking a chance. If you can share your fantasies with your lover, you can get to know each other deeply, weaving powerful strands of feeling into the fabric of your relationship, blending fantasies with memories and ever-expanding possibilities.
Your secret sexual fantasies evolve and change as you do. Of course, it’s your prerogative to keep them a secret. But if they haunt, obsess or hurt you in some way, it might be a good idea to share them with a sex therapist, if not your lover. Troublesome fantasies discussed and explored in a safe, enlightening but nonjudgmental manner tend to lose some of their obsessive, dangerous qualities. Sharing difficult, recurring fantasies with a good therapist might help you to put them in perspective, reducing their negative power over you, so you can make friends with your fantasies and learn to use them to release stress and come to terms with the many layers of your sexuality.
Need to Talk PRIVATELY about Your Secret Sexual Fantasies? Call The Dr. Susan Block Institute at 213-291-9497Read More
Tease & Denial Phone Sex Therapy
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Call Us Now: [callus]
Do you like to be teased? Does it arouse you to be made to wait for that sweet moment of release? Or would you rather do the teasing, prolonging your seduction to make the object of your desire crazy with lust for you? What is it that can make the art of "tease and denial" so irresistible, it's as if it weaves a magic spell around its helpless, happy victim?
Everyone needs a little tease, at least sometimes. Men need to be teased because it makes them slow down. Women need to be teased because it makes us come around. Teasing puts the pizzazz and mystery into sex. Otherwise, we’d just be rutting animals. Even animals tease! Look at the stop-start, pounce-retreat mating dances of birds, cats, apes, even snakes.
A good tease is erotic but indirect, slowly building up to total seduction and surrender. As that consummate strip tease artist Gypsy Rose Lee once said, “Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.” A great tease has all the time in the world. And with a great tease, you never know if you’re going to get the gold you’re going for. You might, but then again you might not. You have to be flexible with a tease. You have to remember the Golden Rule of Tease: You never know. The best laid plans may not get you laid the way you planned. You have to be willing to go with the tease, please…
Teasing wears a variety of masks and hats. There is the innocent tease who doesn’t even know she’s a tease, and is all the more devastating for it. There’s the experienced tease who spins her webs of seduction with great skill and sensitivity. I say “her” because, though men can tease too, teasing is a feminine wile. It is manipulative and circuitous, womanly attributes. Some teasing is spontaneous, light as a feather. Some teasing is calculated, steeped in the art of salacious sorcery. Some teasing is loving and sweet, almost nurturing, like tickling a baby. Some teasing is playful and charming, dazzling and devastatingly witty. Some teasing is mean and nasty, even vicious and cruel. Teasing can also be humiliating and torturous. And some teasing really hurts. Rapes, murders, even MASS murders have been committed by people—even children--who say they did it because they were teased. Teasing can be dangerous. It can be quite harmless too, of course. That is why we say “I’m just teasing!” to insist we’re harmless. But it is the dangerous aspects of teasing that make it erotic. That, and the sensuous nature of revealing something slowly, gradually, then maybe not at all, then maybe a little more. It is too dangerous to show more. Too hot to handle. That is the Art of the Tease.
One of the greatest teases of history, believe it or not, is Queen Esther of the Bible. The shrewd and seductive Esther of Shushan, in what is now Iran, teased the great and powerful Persian King Ahasuerus into such an erotic frenzy that he freed her people from genocide. Queen Cleopatra of Egypt was also a great tease; it was her extraordinary teasing ability that kept the Romans guessing and ultimately kept Egypt governed by its own people (that is, herself) until her death.
In modern times, teasing is the stuff of stars, Marilyn Monroe being the most legendary tease. Bettie Page, sometimes called the Dark Marilyn, was also a most delicious tease. Now Dita Von Teese continues the legacy of the tease. I was privileged to have Bettie Page as a guest on my show a few years ago--with Dita (when she was an 18-year-old Heather Sweet) in my studio audience! Though Bettie spoke with me on the air for over an hour, she refused to show her face. What a tease. She said she wanted us to think of her the way she was, forever young and beautiful; she wanted control of her image.
And, yes, teasing is about control. Once you lose control, you’re not teasing anymore. It’s tough to tease when you're in mid-orgasm. Once the orgasm is on, the tease is over....unless you're a really good tease.
Does all this talk about teasing make you yearn to be teased?
Call the telephone sex therapists of The Dr. Susan Block Institute for Tease and Denial Phone Sex Therapy. Whether you're looking to be teased yourself by one of our sweet, charming, experienced, degreed and/or deliciously cruel sex therapists, if you're in need of some teasing advice to seduce that someone you've been wanting for a while, or if you want to better understand, explore, express, limit and/or control your desire for tease and denial, we're here for you 27/7. We are the world's foremost experts in the fine art of tease and denial. Call now at [callus].Read More
Tickle Fetish Phone Sex Therapy
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Call Us Now [callus]
Do you like tickling? Do you relish tickling a lover until he or she is breathless with laughter and writhing in pain and joy? Or would you rather be tickled, forced to surrender, gasping for mercy, to the wild fingers of a hot lover, until you can’t help but orgasm in ticklish ecstasy?
Our Tickle Fetish Phone Sex Therapists are here to help you talk about, understand, explore, cope with—and indulge in—your tickling fantasies. For information, call [callus]
What’s so special about the teasing, titillating touch of tickling?
Tickling can be a type of “horseplay,” torture, silly sexy fun, deep power exchange, sensual exploration, stimulation or humiliation. Maybe you like to hold a sexy submissive down, take her by surprise, or tie her up and tickle-torture her until she laughs, shrieks, cries and begs for relief. Or perhaps you’d like to be subdued and tortured with tickles on the most sensitive, ticklish parts of your body. Whether it’s the tempting curve of a waist, the soft tummy, inviting underarm, flirtatious feet, the vulnerable inner thighs, or the tantalizing nape of the neck, giving up power and being at the mercy of naughty fingers or devious feathers is a kind of physical and mental submission, as well as an intimate display of trust between partners.
Unfortunately, some people can’t stand being tickled. Others aren’t ticklish at all, and what fun is that? Some think tickling is for kids, or they just don’t “get it.” Naturally, this makes many tickle fetishists rather shy about sharing their fetish with others, fearing rejection or misunderstanding.
Here at the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences, we “get it.” We understand and love to explore the erotic pleasures of tickling. To talk to a Tickle Fetish Phone Sex Therapist right now, call [callus]. We’re here to talk anytime.
Childhood tickle games are usually the first times we experience that crazy “tickle high,” the endorphin-raising ecstasy of pleasure mixed with heightened tension bordering on pain that comes with being tickled, as well as the heady power rush of being the tickler. Adult tickling can bring back those erotic memories as well as give both tickler and ticklee that wild and free feeling of being a child again (without involving any real-life children, of course).
Tickling has been an aspect of sex since prehistoric times. Bonobos, dogs, cats and other mammals often tickle each other as they play, sometimes as a kind of foreplay for sex. The ancient Indian Kama Sutra waxes eloquently about the sexual joys of tickling. While the Chinese, Japanese and ancient Romans would use tickling as a form of genuine torture, the Victorians appreciated tickling for its erotic capacity; being tied up and tickled to a kind of ticklegasm was an extremely common fantasy, as well as a specialty of the better Victorian bordellos. Famous tickle-lovers from history include the Egyptian Queen Hatshepsut and Russian Empress Catherine the Great who are said to have enjoyed having their royal feet tickled ritually before and during sex. It’s no wonder that a hot body writhing and wriggling uncontrollably under a barrage of tickles remains a steamy dream for many fetishists.
So…what about you? Need to talk about ticking? Want to get important, enlightening insight into your personal tickle fetish or learn how to introduce tickling games to your spouse or potential lover? Need to work through your fears or shame about tickling? Or perhaps you would like to experience a phone sex fantasy role-play tickle-torture session—giving or receiving. Our tickle fetish phone sex therapists have their fingers ready! Call [callus] right now or anytime you’re ready to tickle or be tickled.Read More
What to talk about side1
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Foot Fetish Therapy
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DO YOU LOVE FEET? Need to Talk About Your Foot Fetish? Call The Foot Sex Therapists of The Dr. Susan Block Institute. We have Phone Sex Therapists, Sext Therapists & WebCam Sex Therapists Practicing Our Unique Technique of Foot Fetish Phone Sex Therapy, including Foot Play Philosophy, Podophiliac Psychology, Foot Fetishism, Foot Hedonism, Foot Worship, Foot Fantasy, Boots, High Heels, Nylons, Pantyhose, Stockings, Fishnets, Dominance & Submission, Foot Tickling, Foot Bondage, Toe Sucking, Arch Sniffing, Sole Licking, Giantess, Crush, Squish, Trampling, Foot Cuckolding, Foot Massage, Shrimping Cocktails, Grape Stomping, Tequila Toe Shots, French Pedicures & Footsie
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Learn to seduce your lover "feet first" ! Explore the sexual nature of feet and foot fetishism Learn the nature of your particular fetish for feet, toes, arches, ankle, legs, stockings, pantyhose, nylons, fishnets, shoes or boots. Develop Foot Fetish Coping Mechanisms Learn how to enjoy your foot fetish with your partner Discover the pleasure of giving and receiving "toegasms" Even if you don't have a foot fetish, you'll love our philosophy of feet! Read Feet: A Love Story
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Feet A Love Story
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by Susan M Block, PhD
What is it about some people's feet that makes other people wild with desire? Who is a foot fetishist? A foot hedonist? A foot lover?
Feet are two of the most denigrated parts of the human body. We literally step on them all day. Rarely pleasured, often overworked, we walk, run, hike, dance and jump on our feet. Indeed, our feet are the slaves or pack mules of the rest of our bodies. Yet feet can command tremendous passion in some people. There are Leg Men, Breast Men, Bun Men, and there are Feet Men (or maybe it's Foot Men). But unlike breasts, legs and buns, the charms of feet are rarely examined, except by podiatrists, pedicurists, foot fetishists, foot hedonists and shoe salesmen.
Though my doctorate's in philosophy, not podiatry, I've studied the pleasures of feet for many years in my famous Foot Fetish Salons, as well as through my radio, TV and Internet shows, my private sex therapy practice and in my own personal life. Why feet? I love to explore love in all its many splendored aspects, and the foot is an aspect of love. After all, even if you're not "into" feet, if you love someone, you love them head-to-toe, right?
The first part of my body I let my husband Max touch was my feet. Now that we're married, there isn't a part of me that he hasn't touched (well, I won't let him pick my nose). But during our courtship, I wanted to take it slow, so I wouldn't let him move his horny hands much above my knee. But I did let him play with my feet, and oh, how he played with my feet! He caressed my ankles, massaged my arches, kissed my soles and sucked my toes; he literally made love to my feet. And my feet fell in love with him. And even now that we're married and having all kinds of sex, there's a very special relationship between Max and my feet.
Foot Fetish Types
Before I get more personal, let's return to our general discussion of foot fetishism. According to most experts (as well as my own informal but extensive research), it's mostly males who are aroused by female feet. Of course, gay and bisexual male foot fetishists do like men's feet, sometimes quite intensely. And some lesbians are turned on by women's feet. As for straight women, they might be turned on by a man's feet, and several ave deeply enjoyed pleasuring their male partners' feet at our Foot Fetish Salons. But women very rarely lust after men's feet, at least not to the fetishistic extent that so many guys lust after ladies' feet. Thus, when I speak of foot fetishists, I usually refer to them as male.
What do foot fetishists like about feet? Preferences for foot types vary. Some crave big giantess feet, though most go for small and dainty. Some like dirty feet, though most prefer clean. Some like feet of a particular race, tanned feet, athletic feet, high arches, polished toe nails, high heels, leather boots, sandals, stockings, toe cleavage or toe rings. Some adore massaging, pampering and pedicuring feet. Others want to be walked on. There are foot-lickers, toe-suckers, heel-sniffers, arch-ticklers and Imelda Marcos types just into shoes. Some go for stockings, often relishing the powerful aroma of just-worn nylons. Some couples do 69, but instead of having oral sex, they suck each other's toes. Some guys love to masturbate against a woman's foot, or use her big toe like a butt plug. Others are into foot bondage; they like to tie feet up and torture or tickle them.
Still others are "crush" or "squish" fetishists. They like to watch women step in things, or on things like grapes, jello, dolls, bugs. Their ultimate fantasy is to be mashed under the foot of a "50-foot woman," but since that - if it were possible - would be terminal, they satisfy their lust by voyeuristically watching ladies' feet wreak destruction on other crushable items. Usually these items are inanimate objects, fruits, vegetables or eggs, though occasionally they can involve crushing living creatures such as insects or mice. This is where I personally draw the line, as it involves torturing and killing defenseless animals. Though I do love the crush-lovers who keep their fetish to fruits and veggies. I've had tremendous fun stomping on grapes or squishing my toes through cake and then letting a foot lover or two lick and suck it all off.
Foot Lovers vs. Foot Fetishists
What makes a foot lover a foot fetishist? Both the intensity and exclusivity of the desire. If you'd rather have sex with your lover's feet than any other body parts, or if you must focus on feet to reach orgasm, or if you'd usually rather screw a shoe than a person, you're a foot fetishist. The technical term is "podophiliac." If you are turned on by attractive feet or sexy shoes, but your sexuality doesn't completely revolve around them, you're more what I'd call a foot lover, a foot appreciator, or maybe you just playing footsie. You don't have to be a certifiable foot fetishist to appreciate feet, or to enjoy having your feet appreciated.
In the classic sense, a "fetishist" invests god-like magical powers into the fetish object. The true foot fetishist objectifies, glorifies and downright deifies the foot, or shoe, or the foot in the shoe, with or without the stocking, being licked, caressed, massaged, worshipped, tickled, bedecked in jewels or stepping on something squishy.
Roots of a Foot Fetish
Why do foot fetishists fetishize feet? For as many different reasons as there are different foot fetishists. But typically, fetishes begin in early childhood. As a toddler toddles and crawls, exploring the world, feet are often the first part of Mommy that he encounters. There is a theory that says that if a mother doesn't pick up and hold a child very often, his main physical contact with her will be with her feet; thus, he is more likely to develop a foot fetish. This is by no means a hard and fast rule, just a theory.
Intense childhood experiences with the feet of other relatives, like older sisters or cousins, as well as friends and, most notoriously, babysitters, may also lead one to become a foot fetishist. Mothers, beware the babysitter with the pretty pedicured toes, strappy sandals and an attitude; she may inspire your child to like feet! On second thought, what's so terrible if your kid likes feet? You could do worse. As long as he's capable of love - and if you love him, hold him and give him affection, he'll probably be capable of love - what difference does it make if he's into feet or breasts, armpits or elbows?
But what about those foot fetishists who are so obsessed with feet that they truly can't get above the ankle, and love a whole human being? One reason fetishists become *obsessed* is they feel that their interest in feet is wrong. Whenever we feel that something we crave sexually is wrong or shameful, it becomes ultra-exciting in a naughty way. But it also becomes frustrating and disturbing, as we can't integrate it into our everyday lives. Ultimately, it makes us feel bad about ourselves, sometimes even incapable of love. Most sex criminals have desires they feel ashamed of. Even if you've never done anything illegal, if you're deeply ashamed of your sexuality - whether you're a foot fetishist or just a garden variety sex maniac - your love life is bound to be troubled.
Sharing Your Foot Fetish with Someone You Love
So many foot fetishists are married to women with whom they never share their desire. Why not? They're ashamed to reveal their true feelings. And the real shame is that some of their wives would enjoy a nice foot rub or foot licking, if it's presented well. They might even enjoy wearing fetishistic shoes or stockings. They might even be closet "foot hedonists." But their husbands view their own erotic interest in feet as something perverted that they couldn't possibly share with someone they love.
If you have a foot fetish, I hope you can share it with someone you love. Some men are adamantly against this. They wouldn't want to share their foot fetish with their wives even if their wives wanted them to. Their foot fetish is an obsessive masturbatory interest, something they would only share with a therapist, phone sex worker, prostitute or dominatrix, not a wife or girlfriend. These men generally feel tremendous shame about their feelings and are afraid to share them with someone they really care about. They can be mortally afraid of being rejected by wives or girlfriends for being "perverted" or having a "fetish."
There are simple, effective ways of introducing your foot fetish to the lady in your life without much risk of rejection or humiliation. You probably shouldn't call it a "fetish" that sounds kind of scary to most people. But you can use creative and sensuous ways to integrate your favorite forms of foot play into your lovemaking.
For example, if you've just gone on a long hike with a lady, offer to give her a foot massage. Most women won't refuse a nice foot rub. You might wash her feet first, if they're sweaty and you prefer clean feet. Foot washing is a sensuous, loving activity. Even Jesus washed the feet of his disciples before the Last Supper. As you massage her toes, you can tell her how beautiful they are. If she reacts well to the compliment, try going further. Give her big toe a little kiss. Seduce her feet gradually, and they will fall in love with you. That's how my own feet fell in love with my Max, and the rest of me soon followed.
What About Shoes and Boots?
A fetish for shoes or boots also tends to be conditioned in early childhood or adolescence, just like the fetish for feet and most other things.. By the way, the shoe fetish is not limited to humans. At least one male chimpanzee raised in captivity developed a bit of a shoe fetish, masturbating obsessively by rubbing his caretaker's leather boot. Boot Time for Bonzo, indeed.
High heels are the most fetishized type of shoe. They began with Catherine de Medici, a 16th century Italian who married Henry II of France. The petite Catherine had shoes custom-designed to give her height, starting a high heel rage among the French. A fetish often starts as a fashion. High heels go both ways. They started as a fashion in the 1700s, and became a fetish, probably around the 1800s. But then fetishistic shoes often become quite fashionable, sometimes worn by young ladies who don't have the slightest idea that they are wearing objects of intense fetishistic desire on their innocent feet.
Submissive men find the extremely spiked heel menacingly arousing, like a lethal feminine weapon. Sadomasochistic pictorials often show a woman's stiletto resting on the neck or genitals of a submissive male. A shoe slave might adore the smell of the leather shoe mixed with a woman's foot smell. He might enjoy licking his mistress's boots or crave being humiliated by having a shoe strapped around his face or a high heel "force" into his anus.
Dominant men also tend to like high heels, but for totally different reasons. A dominant male might like the way that high heels alter a woman's posture, creating a more dramatic curve of the spine that makes her butt and calves seem rounder, her thighs seem thinner, her breasts stick out, and gives her hips that sexy sway when she walks. This precarious "wiggly walk" appeals to the traditional man's desire to protect a fragile woman, or maybe to pounce on her. After all, how far can she run? Those first Italian leather heels were so difficult to maneuver in that male escorts had to carry high-heeled ladies up and down stairs. High heels are much easier to walk in nowadays, and they still have a way of compelling a gentleman to be gallant or aggressive. Many men and women are aroused by frailty in the object of their desire. Politically incorrect as it may be, this is part of our prehistoric predatory attraction to the weak, and it underlies the feeling of power that many men feel when they see a woman in precarious high heels.
Many foot fanciers love sandals, combining the leather shoe with naked toes. The sandal fetish is as old as the Bible. "How beautiful are thy feet in sandals" is a line from the erotic lovers' dialogue in The Song of Songs, attributed to King Solomon who is said to have had 1000 wives. That's 2000 feet, 10,000 toes - wow, there must have been some bill from the palace pedicurist!
The Chinese have had the longest, most controversial love affair with feet. Foot-binding was practiced from the T'ang Dynasty in the 10th century through the 1930's. A girl's feet were first bound at age five or so, continuing until they quit growing at around 18. This resulted in a foot about 2" wide and 4" long, with a very soft curved sole that made walking extremely difficult. There are a few theories about the popularity of foot-binding. The binding of a woman's feet certainly made her more dependent and, as mentioned, many men are aroused by feminine fragility. Indeed, bound feet were a status symbol, like the aristocratic Chinese man's long fingernails; both handicaps attributed to the wealthy, leisurely life.
There were various erotic purposes for these soft bowed little feet, crippled as they were. Women masturbated by rubbing their feet together. Lesbians maneuvered their feet into each other's vaginas. Men indulged in licking these podophilic delicacies, being brought to orgasm by a woman's curved arches, and performing fellatio on her big toe. Well, I suppose there are a few odd benefits to bound feet, but, all in all, I prefer being able to walk.
It isn't only the old Chinese that appreciate "bound feet"; Many Western foot fetishists enjoy tying up a woman's pretty feet, often in intricate ways, such as with toes tied apart. A foot sadist would like to torture the lady's feet. A tickle fetishist would prefer to tickle the feet, perhaps with his fingers or some other tickling instrument. A milder, more sensuous form of foot-tickling may be done with a feather. Sadistic foot-ticklers derive pleasure from tickling a victim's feet until he or she is gasping for breath or screaming with laughter. For a tickler, the sounds of the lady's shrieks and giggles are just as arousing as the sight of her helpless feet.
As for me, I am what I call a "foot hedonist." I love to have my feet pleasured, in part, because I step all on them all the time, squeezing them into heels, dancing all over them, and it feels so good to have them treated well. I have also noticed that the best foot love makes the rest of me feel better too. I enjoy having my feet bathed, massaged, rubbed with oil, kissed and adored. Sometimes the pleasure does involve considerable pain, as in when I get my feet massaged, though the end result of a good result massage is a tremendous feeling of release, comparable to the release one feels after orgasm. I call myself a foot hedonist because - orgasmic pleasure or healing pain - I enjoy having erotic attention paid to my feet.
Foot hedonists like me are often attracted to foot lovers like Max. If you're a sensuous foot fetishist, you would do well to seek out a foot hedonist who would appreciate your interest in feet. But to serve a foot hedonist well, you must be sensitive to the needs of her feet, not just totally wrapped up in your own foot fetish.
Whether you're a true foot worshipper or just an average sex fiend, foot massage is a superb aphrodisiac. Often, when I think I'm too tired or tense for sex, all Max has to do is massage my little tootsies and I get wetter and hotter than an oil slick in August.
Foot massage is also a great way to be sensual without getting directly sexual on a date. As a first move, it's pretty rude for a dude to say "May I squeeze your breasts?" But it's quite all right to say "May I give you a foot massage?" Especially if you've just gone out dancing. And it's good for you! Reflexology and shiatsu are massage systems based upon the tiny electrical reflexes on the bottoms of your feet which correspond to parts of your body. When you massage one of these pressure points, you stimulate the analogous body part with healing energy.
It's an excellent tension releaser. Sometimes screamingly so. When Max massages my toes after a stressful day, I shriek to high heaven! Max doesn't just rub my feet; he rolfs them; the neighbors probably think he beats me. Sometimes I feel obliged to yell: "He's not beating me! He's massaging my feet!" It's kind of embarrassing, but truly amazing. When I have a headache or stomach ailment, it usually vanishes when Max massages my feet. Then he gets aroused, and we have sex.
Here's a helpful hint for footlickers: If you want to suck your lover's toes, but she's just too ticklish to take it, try massaging her foot first. This tends to relax it so it won't go into shock when it goes in your mouth. Sometimes, when I'm getting my big toe rubbed and sucked just right, I have a positively orgasmic response. I call it a "toegasm." And if Max is pleasuring my foot while I'm masturbating, I have an orgasmic-toegasmic climax that takes me over the moon and a few other planets as well.
For a sensual foot massage, use oil or lotion. Every foot lover has a favorite lubricant. Baby oil, almond oil, aloe vera cream are a few popular foot lubricants. Mary Magdalene used myrrh on Jesus' feet. Try flavored oil so you can suck your lover's toes after rubbing. Foot pleasuring is an ancient art. And foot massage is one of the most perfect safe sex activities; it's healthy, sexy and doesn't involve an exchange of body fluids - unless your feet are really sweaty.
Smelling and Tasting the Feet
Speaking of sweat, foot-sniffing excites many foot lovers. Some foot-sniffers like it because it smells really good, while others want feet to smell really "bad." For shoe enthusiasts, the smell of the shoe - that heady mixture of sweat and leather or rubber - can be extremely arousing.
Smelling, of course, can lead to eating. Max loves eating various foods off of my feet. I cover my toes with caviar and sour cream, chocolate syrup or honey, and he licks it right up, savoring each saucy digit. His favorite podophilic cuisine is toes dipped in cocktail sauce with fresh shrimps in between, a succulent hors d'oeuvre before a full meal of sex. Since "shrimping" is slang for toe-sucking, we call this a "shrimping cocktail." At our Foot Fetish Salons, we'll have shrimping cocktails and "Tequila Toe Shots": rub salt and lime on the toes, then suck them off and down your shot. Olé!
Many foot fetishists are into toe-sucking. If you're into feet, then there's just something inherently suckable about a toe. Is it because toe-sucking is akin to sucking a large nipple? Or a small penis? For some men, sucking a lady's big toe is a surrogate for sucking another man's big cock. These men might have homoerotic oral desires that, for one reason or another, they can't or just don't express with men. They channel their desire to be with a man into the sucking of a woman's toe. Does this mean that a man who enjoys sucking women's toes "should" be sucking a man's cock? Maybe, maybe not; it depends on the individual.
What about foot slaves? A foot slave - usually a he; sometimes a she - loves to be at the feet of his mistress or master, considering this to be his proper place in life. He surrenders himself - body, mind and soul - to his mistress's feet, with or without the shoes or stockings, depending on the preferences of the mistress and slave. Of course, a woman's foot is literally the lowest part of her body. Kissing her foot can be humiliating, which is part of the thrill. Since ancient times, the kissing of the foot has been a sign of submission. The foot slave is happy to humble himself like that, to kiss her foot, even the bottom of her shoe, while groveling before her, lying prostrate on the ground, as low as he can go.
Some foot slaves enjoy having the mistress walk on them, sometimes in spiked heels, as if to say, "I'm only worthy of being trampled beneath your feet." A mistress might kick her foot slave if he's "bad," demand he clean her boots with his tongue, or give her a pedicure. If he does a good job, she could reward him by rubbing his throbbing member with the soft sole of her foot, or placing it between her heel and backless slipper.
Some foot slaves exhibit a reverent devotion to the feet of their mistress, their goddess. Their worship is only partly sexual. Some adhere to über-feminist philosophies; believing women to be superior to men. They feel that since most women are not as violent as most men, males need to feel the controlling influence of a female foot on them every so often. The feminist male foot slave surrenders himself to the civilizing, sexual power of Woman via his mistress' foot or boot, going beyond roleplay into sexual politics. With a philosophy like that, it seems that every feminist should have a foot slave! And every feminist could; there are more than enough foot slaves to go around.
Foot fetishism can be a very serious matter. But feet can be fun. Feet can be sweet. Who hasn't played the piggies game? Some people enjoy foot sex just because it's not serious, but kind of silly and childlike, much more innocent than adult genitalia. Max likes to talk to each of my toes as he plays with them, treating all ten as individual "girls" with distinct personalities. He handles them like puppets in a Punch & Judy Show with the rest of my foot as the stage. Maybe he should do an act: A Foot Lover & His Favorite Foot...
Foot hedonists like me tend to be playful with our feet. Sometimes, I use my feet like I might use my hands to play with, stroke and even spank Max while we make love. I like to caress his muscular butt with my foot while he goes down on me, and give it a good foot-spanking when I want him to lick me faster.
Whew, all this foot talk is making my toes curl!
I hope this essay has shed some light on your podophilic interests. If you want to attend our next Foot Fetish Salon, coming soon to the Dr. Susan Block Institute, or if you'd just like to find out more about your personal foot fetish, drop me a line or call me at [callinfo].
In the meantime...Love your feet. Love your life. I love you.Read More
What Can We Talk About?
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You can talk with the telephone sex therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute about anything you like. No topic is too taboo. Look over the lists of subjects below under "Sexual Issues" and "Erotic Pleasures," if you need some ideas. As you can see, there is quite a bit of overlap among the topics, and we deal with more subjects than we could possibly list.
You may need to talk about several different subjects in one session. Perhaps you want to discuss some serious sexual issues in your life as well as enjoy an erotic phone sex fantasy. That’s fine and usually very beneficial to your sexual health in numerous ways. There are no limits on what you can discuss or how you and your therapist talk in your private telephone or webcam session. Though each one of our therapists doesn't specialize in every kind of subject, we have a large team working with the Institute, and we can almost always find a therapist suited to your specific needs and desires.
And yes, you can masturbate, if you want, during telephone sex therapy sessions. And no, despite the proliferation of interesting options on the Internet and beyond, there is no other phone sex or phone therapy service quite like ours.
Sexual Issues Understanding Your Sexual Nature and How to Live with It Exploring Your Erotic Fantasies How to Find the Lover of Your Dreams Understanding Your Partner’s Fantasies Dealing with Your Fears and Desires How to Express Your Erotic Nature How to Explore Your Sexual Fetish Erotically and Safely How to Share Your Fantasies with Your Partner How to Liberate Your Inner Bonobo Childhood Influences on Your Sexuality Relationships and Sex Families and Sex Work and Sex Politics and Sex Money and Sex Religion and Sex Art and Sex Cuckoldry Trust Issues Fear & Sex Sexual Wellness Religious Sexual Abuse How to Channel Erotic Inspiration How to Get What You Want In Sex, Love, Life and Death Orgasmic Fulfillment Orgasm Difficulties Masturbation Issues Masturbation Technique Mutual Masturbation Safe Sex in Dangerous Situations Ejaculation Control Erectile Difficulties “Sex Addiction” Body Image Issues Shyness Exploring the Clitoris Low Sexual Desire Dealing with Your Partner’s Low Sexual Desire Penis Size Concerns Enhancement of Arousal Virginity Issues Exploring Pain/Pleasure Dynamics How to Find the Erotic Elements in Everyday Life Dealing with Sexual Illness and Injury Sex and Physical Handicaps Trying “The Lifestyle” (Learning to Swing) How to Increase the Passion in Your Marriage Eros and Thanatos How to Develop Your Sexual Communication Skills How to Talk about Sex with a New Lover How to Talk about Sex with Your Spouse How to Give Great Oral Sex What You Should Know About Dominatrixes What You Should Know About Prostitutes What You Should Know About Porn Stars How to Seduce the Lover of Your Dreams How to Lose Your Virginity Premature Ejaculation Different Sexual Positions for Different Pleasures Sexual Anatomy Lesson How to Deal with Extra-Marital Affairs Your Own or Your Partner’s How to Explore Your Feminine Side How to Explore Your Masculine Side Using Your Sexuality to Enhance Your Creativity Why Women Should Explore Phone Sex How to Explore Your Submissive Side How to Explore Your Dominant Side How to Find a Woman’s G–Spot How to Find a Man’s P–Spot How to Female Ejaculate How to Help Your Partner Experience Female Ejaculation Tantric Sex Techniques Pornography Issues How to Meet Mr. or Ms. Right How to Deal with Your Sexual Feelings toward Your Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, Children, Next-Door-Neighbor, Co-Worker, Boss, Employee, Student, Teacher, Sister-in-Law, Brother-in-Law, Cousin, Aunt, Uncle or Other Inappropriate Object of Your Desire How to Recover from Incest Trauma How to Recover from Rape, Molestation and Other Negative Sexual Experiences How to Use Sex Toys Explore the Loss of Control Sex and the Stock Market Holiday Blues/Holiday Sex How to Break Away from a Toxic Lover How to Forget a Lost Love Advertising for Love in the Classifieds and on the Internet Gender Issues Body Shame Sex and Age Bisexuality Sex and Drugs Sex and Anti-Depressants Sex and Aphrodisiacs Dressing for Sex Undressing for Sex Sexercise for Sexual Health Circumcision Issues How to Conquer Your Sexual Phobias Finding the Pleasure in Your Life How to Share Sex Toys with Your Partner Sexual Meditation Erotic Relaxation Techniques How to be an Ethical Hedonist How to Practice the Bonobo Way of Peace through Pleasure
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