The Dr. Susan Block Institute


Need to Talk

about something you can't
talk about with anyone else?

You can talk to us.


Call 213-291-9497



We're Here for You 24/7

Search results back to homepage

11 search results for keywords “tickling
KINK Comments Off on KINK

 

“Sex comes to most of us with a twist.” ―Iris Murdoch, The Nice and the Good

Kink is in the air, whether it shocks you to your core or leaves you wanting more. Kink is everywhere, in the clothes you dare to wear, the body parts you bare, the language(s) you speak and even the foods you eat. Kinks of various kinds pervade art, entertainment, media, technology, business, sports, gaming, politics and protest, not to mention human sexuality, romances, relationships and your deepest secret fantasies. Personally, I enjoy a variety of kinks (see below), and I often mix them, like tasty spices and saucy sauces, into the main meal of my marriage. As a sexologist and sex therapist in private practice for over 30 years, as well as a talk show host  and best-selling author who deals with sensitive sexual subjects, I’ve helped thousands of people to accept, express and enjoy their kinky feelings, handle their related problems, and share their kinks and fetishes consensually with fellow adult kinksters, or even with someone new. Very often, helping someone to handle their kink(s) is a gateway to guiding them into a better, healthier, happier life in general. So… how kinky are you? Do you want to be kinkier? Or maybe not so kinky? Is your favorite kink an erotic pleasure beyond compare or a deep dark secret you’re afraid to share? Or is it a complex kinky combo of the two?  

The Joy of Kink

Come with me on a fascinating, stimulating, sex educational journey  through the dazzling and powerful, yet often perplexing and hazardous world of kink in history, art, entertainment, relationships, fashion, food, religion, politics, protest, love, war and your brain. First, let’s define our terms. In conversation, dissertations and pillow talk, people use the word “kink”  to convey a multitude of ideas, objects, turn-ons, turn-offs, activities and fantasies in a million different ways, some of which are “kink-positive,” others negative, and many are very confused.

Virtually any fetish could be considered kinky, though a kink isn’t necessarily a fetish.

So, what does kink mean? Before the word entered the sexual lexicon, the original meaning of “kink” was—and still is—a “twist,” “bend,” “curve” or “turn,” such as a “kink” in the road or “kinky hair.” The word kink was first recorded in the 1670s as a Dutch nautical term for a twist or knot in a rope, probably related to the Old Icelandic or Norse kikna, meaning “to bend at the knees.” Over a century later, in 1803, U.S. President and consummate wordsmith Thomas Jefferson took the word “kink” out of the mundane world of ropes and roads and into the psychological realm by writing about a “mental twist, a whim.” With all those knotty ropes, bent knees and twisted Jeffersonian whims, I’m sure many 19th century individuals *in the know* were saying—or at least whispering—the word “kinky” to describe or at least suggest bent, curvy or twisted sex, as well. After all, an erotic kink is also a twist, curve or turn away from conventional, “straight” and narrow, “vanilla,” penis-in-vagina (PIV) sexual activity between husband and wife for procreational purposes only, under the covers with the lights out. Anything else would be fair game to be designated kinky, and by the mid-20th century, it officially was. The problem was—and still is—that so many people have such strong disapproving opinions about unconventional sexuality, that they can’t resist imposing negative value judgments on kink… even in dictionaries! I’ll bet you know people like that.  I certainly do. As of this writing, Dictionary.com defines kink as “bizarre or unconventional sexual preferences or behavior” and the Cambridge Dictionary explains it as “a strange habit, usually of a sexual nature.” Bizarre? Strange? While these definitions might have some validity—and giggle value (if you’re into poking fun at your own kinks)—they are disdainful and kink-negative. Sure, some kinks are a little “bizarre,” like my sex therapy client who enjoys getting tarred and feathered, Puritan punishment-style. Then there’s my ammosexual client who imagines being cuckolded by AR-15-brandishing cartoon characters with even bigger weapons between their legs. However, kinks can be as sweet and wholesome as apple pie… especially if your kink is for splosh. With a hat tip to Alex Comfort, whose Joy of Sex: A Gourmet Guide to Lovemaking was a Bible for the Sexual Revolution of the 1970s, come let us explore the joy of kink.  

Need to Work the Kinks Out?

“Girl, you really got me goin' You got me so I don't know what I'm doin' Yeah, you really got me now You got me so I can't sleep at night” The Kinks

In many definitions, “kink” denotes something that needs to be fixed or straightened out…such as “a kink in your back” (ouch!) or the idea that “we need to work out the kinks.” That could be true, as The Kinks themselves would sing, your kinks could keep you up all night or get you into trouble. However, it’s just as possible that exploring your kinks—consensually and responsibly—turns out to be one of the greatest, most exciting, most meaningful, healing, enlightening and therapeutic parts of your life. It could even work out that nasty kink in your back!

Is a Fetish a Kink?

A kink can be physical or psychological, and usually, it’s both.  The same is true of a sexual fetish, which is a profound, undeniable, erotic desire for something. It can be anything, but not just anything. A fetish is something special—at least, for the fetishist. It could be for an inanimate object, activity or situation. It could be a yearning for something, perhaps an article of clothing, such as high heels, lingerie, a boot or a burqa; or a body part, like breasts, butts, feet or hair. One could also have a fetish for an activity, like watching, being watched, spanking or being spanked; or a situation, such as a mistress/slave, teacher/student, doctor/patient, seductress/neophyte, goddess/gangbang or cuckold/hotwife/bull relationship. Some psychologists call this strong, deep-seated, sometimes compulsive, erotic need a “paraphilia,” but that’s medically loaded, so we’ll stick with “fetish” for now. Whatever the fetish object, activity or situation might be, the fetishist invests great power into it. The fetish object might exude great sexual power for the fetishist, great religious power, or perhaps a mixture of both. In the classic sense, the sexual fetishist requires the fetish object—or at least, a fantasy of the fetish object—in order to have sex. The male fetishist needs this thing, activity, situation or fantasy to get an erection; he cannot get excited without it, and he may become obsessed with it. For the human female, sexual arousal and fetishism are a little more mysterious and difficult to pinpoint. One could say that the female fetishist needs the fetish object to desire or enjoy sex. More often, it seems that human females attempt to excite male fetishistic desire. So, what’s the difference between a kink and a fetish? Technically, the term “kink” doesn’t indicate the same intense need as the term “fetish.” Virtually any fetish could be considered kinky, though a kink isn’t necessarily a fetish. That’s the clinical difference, but in the real world, there’s a lot of overlap, and people often use the terms interchangeably. Kink can be good, bad or neutral for the individual, the couple and/or society. Usually, I think, kink is good! Read on to find out why…

Are You into Taboo?

“If I tell you If I tell you now Will you keep on Will you keep on loving me? If I tell you If I tell you how I feel Will you keep bringing out the best in me? You give me the sweetest taboo... …. There's a quiet storm And it never felt this hot before Giving me something that's taboo” Sade

Kink can be a little—or a lot—taboo. It may be as public, legal, harmless and heart-warming as wearing a diamond-studded collar with a heart locket given to you by your beloved spouse. Nevertheless, there is always a forbidden “Sweetest Taboo,” a transgressive element to kink, something that’s a little (or a lot) “off” the beaten track, with an edge of danger, even if trust is strong and all safety precautions have been taken.   The word taboo stems from the Fijian “tabu,” Polynesian “tapu” and Hawaiian “kapu,” all of which mean “not to be touched.” This is not because the taboo object is gross or dirty, but because it is extremely sacred, a religious object forbidden to the uninitiated. Interestingly, many such sacred objects were and are phallic in nature, such as a flute, spear, baton or totem pole, or round and vaginal like a bowl, chalice or the Holy Grail. Of course, these strict prohibitions render the “tabu” very intimidating, but they also make the uninitiated extremely curious and perhaps aroused by touching—or just thinking about touching—that which is taboo. As the great French mid-20th century erotic philosopher, Georges Bataille, said, “transgression” is a cornerstone of human eroticism. That is, sometimes we’re turned on by something we also find wrong, shameful, humiliating or forbidden. In Eroticism: Death & Sensuality, Bataille discussed civilized humanity’s ongoing struggle between sensuous pleasure and shame that generates eroticism and, to a certain extent, kink.

Shame is a horrible feeling... [but it] is also an essential component of the forbidden boundaries that we find so exciting to transgress, tease, crisscross, break, spank, overthrow or just throw out the window of inhibition.

A lot of people use the terms “shame” and “guilt” interchangeably. Though they are related, they mean very different things. You feel guilt when you feel badly about something you did, like cheating, stealing or hurting someone. In many cases, guilt is an appropriate feeling for having done wrong, though we often blow it out of proportion. You feel shame when you feel badly about who or what you are. Shame is almost never appropriate but, unfortunately, we all know the feeling. Shame is that terrible feeling of self-blame that comes over us like a hot flash of mortification following a perceived failure, or the fear of being disgraced. Unlike guilt, which is usually over something you did recently, shame is most often rooted in childhood trauma. One of the worst aspects of childhood trauma-rooted shame is that it tends to inhibit us—sexually and otherwise—through adulthood.   So, shame is really bad, right? Well, yes, for the most part, shame is horrible, painful, debilitating, irrational and can lead to harming yourself or others. Lurking fearfully and tearfully among our vast spectrum of emotions, shame can be a monster in penitent’s clothing. However, as Bataille points out, shame is also an essential component of the forbidden boundaries that we find so exciting to transgress, tease, crisscross, break, spank, overthrow or just throw out the window of inhibition. Engaging in nonconsensual kinks, like coercive or inappropriate sex, yet channeling those urges through consensual BDSM, is a great way to find that arousing erotic friction, release, adventure and fulfillment.  

The consenting adult enjoyment of kink can be a positive, even therapeutic solution to processing childhood trauma as well as everyday problems like stress, anxiety and loneliness, not to mention horniness.

Sexual kinks can cause problems—sometimes big problems, like drug addiction, divorce, crippling shyness, sexual assault and even homicide. However, if handled with care, they can be the opposite of a problem. Indeed, the consenting adult enjoyment of kink can be a positive, even therapeutic solution to processing childhood trauma as well as everyday issues like stress, anxiety and loneliness, not to mention horniness. As long as you can handle them responsibly, be grateful for your kinks!

COMMON SEXUAL KINKS

There are as many kinks as there are people. Actually, there are more, since the majority of kinksters enjoy more than one kink. However, the following are some of the most popular, according to surveys and my own anecdotal (but considerable!) experience as a sex therapist in private practice since 1991, as well as hosting shows and bacchanals celebrating “Kink Month” every October since 2015. I’ve considered myself kinky since my first Threshold Society play party back in 1989. I was blown away! I only wish I could have read an article like this before I attended that party. Instead, I embarrassed myself by interrupting a scene to ask the smiling, shackled woman at the center of it if she was “all right.” She was. But talk about breaking the mood! Fortunately, she and everyone else there laughed good-naturedly at my naïveté and proceeded to teach me the ways of kink. Indeed, we can all learn from past mistakes--kinks in the road of life--and hopefully you can learn from some of mine. If your favorite kink isn’t here, never fear! Check out our “What Can We Talk About?” page, call my show on Saturday nights (626.461.5212) or, if you need to talk privately, call our kink-positive Therapists Without Borders anytime: 213.291.9497.

The ABCs of BDSM

Though there are almost as many different kinks as there are stars in the sky, a lot of them fit under the Big Tent of BDSM, which breaks down to Bondage & Discipline (B&D), Dominance & Submission (D/s); Sadomasochism (SM). If you want to engage in BDSM play, I recommend you study this ancient, somewhat esoteric practice, preferably with an experienced BDSM practitioner, then start light and gradually ease into more intense activity. Take classes at DomCom (check out DomCon 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020) or other BDSM conventions, or splurge on private instruction. When engaged in responsibly, the safe, sane and consensual (SSC) exploration of BDSM can be an excellent, peaceful yet exciting and very bonoboësque channel for erotic power exchange. A step beyond SSC is RACK: Risk-Aware Consensual Kink. That may sound like alphabet soup, but SSC RACK can be a way to express violent impulses without hurting anyone, including yourself. It can involve sexual psychodrama, safely and imaginatively releasing aggressive forces that fester in our subconscious, so they don’t explode into destructive behavior. In our modern militaristic, ammosexual culture, it’s no surprise that many of us have violent fantasies and desires. Of course, acting on these fantasies nonconsensually would be unethical and criminal, not to mention heinous. So… what to do about them? Complete suppression is usually the only solution on the table, even though it has long been proven to be ineffective and, for many, impossible. What about BDSM? It’s certainly no panacea, and kinksters can be abusers like anyone else. However, the conscientious practice of safe, sane and consensual BDSM can effectively channel these feelings, even helping to curb domestic violence and perhaps other types of violence as well. Studies have yet to be done on this subject, but based on over three decades of experience as a sex therapist, a relationship counselor and a kinkster, I say: Yes! Kink can be that healing. Can conscientious kink practice help to foster conditions for world peace? Considering the chances of WWIII, it's worth a try. So, on a recent FDR podcast, we sounded the antiwar kinkster's *battle cry*: MAKE KINK NOT WAR!

Domination & submission

“There's a new game We like to play you see A game with added reality You treat me like a dog Get me down on my knees We call it master and servant It's a lot like life… Domination's the name of the game In bed or in life They're both just the same Except in one you're fulfilled At the end of the day Let’s play master and servant” Depeche Mode 

Consensual sexual domination—when one partner takes charge and the other voluntarily gives up their power—is a cornerstone of kink, and submission is its flip side. D/s could involve body worship, impact play, bondage, humiliation, sissy maid service a "money slave" relationship or any number of other activities involving power exchange. This seems like a good time to note that the kinky *games* old Tommy Jefferson played with his longtime sex slave Sally Hemings were wrong because he actually—legally—did own her. We will never know if Sally had a good time with Tom because she was never allowed to make that choice to be with him. Unlike Sally, a consenting adult kinky BDSM “slave” can choose to stop the scene and/or leave any time they want. Their “slavery” is just an illusion (or should be). Nevertheless, it can be very powerful. It’s also very popular. According to a 2016 study in the Journal of Sex Research, 47% of women and 60% of men fantasized about dominating a partner. A YouGovAmerica study showed that 53% of Americans say that they enjoy dominance or submission, with the most common answer (28%) being that they like being both at different times. About a third (33%) say that they don't want to be either dominant or submissive, while 14% either don't know or “prefer not to say.” Something tells me that those that “don’t know” or “prefer not to say” are the kinkiest of all. My guess is that they enjoy some kind of submission since folks tend to be most embarrassed to admit to that… It’s funny how ashamed so many of us are of our yearning for sexual surrender; even though, when you think about it, surrender is an essential aspect of orgasm. However, surrender may be expressed in some seemingly odd and disturbing ways, like humiliation, i.e., being stepped on literally or figuratively, sexually denigrated in some fashion—such as being called a “dirty slut,” “worthless turd,” “pencil-dick,” "piggy bank" or “cum receptacle.”  To an outside observer, this might seem crazy; why would someone get aroused from being degraded and seemingly exploited? The answer is complicated and varies from person to person. For example, if humiliation is your kink, you might have a sexual anxiety so great—such as fear you’ll be exposed as the horny loser you think you are or that someone will laugh at your penis—that your libido actually floods your bloodstream with arousal to kill the (emotional) pain before it kills you. So yes, your humiliation kink might be saving your life.

Freedom is the greatest aphrodisiac, but restraint is a close second.

Nevertheless, it’s confusing, unnerving and can be very tough to talk about… even though talking about it with someone who cares and understands is often the best thing for you. If you’re struggling with your own desires for humiliation or other controversial forms of erotic domination, it might benefit you to talk with a therapist, a very knowledgeable dominatrix or another kink professional. The Therapists Without Borders at the Dr. Susan Block Institute are experts in these areas, and your confidentiality is guaranteed. Call us anytime you need to talk: 213.291.9497.

Bondage

Bondage, aka restraint, is a popular kink, and not just because of those kinks in the ropes! I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: Freedom is the greatest aphrodisiac, but restraint is a close second. Besides those eternally kinky ropes (jute being a favorite), types of bondage might include handcuffs, shackles, collars, straightjackets, spreader bars, harnesses or four “50 Shades of Grey” silk ties fastened securely around your wrists and ankles. There’s also psychological bondage. Before engaging in certain types of bondage, you might sign a “binding” contract which, though it lends a certain seriousness to the proceedings, probably wouldn’t hold up in a court of law. In a typical bondage scene, you might also be blindfolded, hooded, muzzled, dominated, restrained by a ball gag, locked up in a chastity belt, strapped down to a medical examination table, put into a posture collar, led around on a leash, shut up in a cage, zipped into a sleep sack, suspended from the ceiling, put into a sling, turned into a piece of human art with beautiful Japanese Shibari or Kinbaku, tied spread-eagle to a four-poster bed or latched onto a St. Andrews’s Cross while being spanked or flogged.  Then again, for some of us, the kinkiest form of (psychological) bondage is the wedding ring. For more about bondage and how it can be used for pleasure, adventure, personal discovery and healing therapy, click Bondage Therapy.

Spanking

“Dick and Jane were on a date Dicky said it's getting late How's about a little kiss? Well, Jane grabbed her ankles and said how about this: Why don't you smack my bottom? Smack my bottom! Won't you smack my bottom 'till my tiny little heiny glows?” The Wetspots

To spank means “to strike or slap the buttocks, usually with the palm of the hand,” according to Webster’s. Spankings may be given for real punishment—as in spanking children against their will—or pleasure—as in spanking among consenting adults.   Spanking children isn’t kinky; it’s child abuse. On the other hand, erotic consensual adult spanking is one of the most popular kinks there is, whether or not you were spanked as a child. The pain-laced pleasures of adult “erotic spanking” range from light slaps on the butt during lovemaking to more formal, over-the-knee (OTK) roleplay to a mistress smacking her naughty slave’s reddened rear within their D/s (dominance and submission) lifestyle. Here at the Institute, we love consenting adult spanking of all kinds, including impact play with whips, floggers, paddles, books (read it or get red from it!) or belts—with or without roleplay. We certainly do a lot of spanking on DrSuzy.Tv, especially on certain holidays like Spanksgiving, Lupercalia, Krampus, Full Moons, Happy Nude Rear parties, birthdays and all through Kink Month. Not only do many of our shows—from Spanking the tRump Turkey on Spanksgiving to Lupercalian Whipping to A Spankophiliacs Delight (warning: this one includes very hard spanking)—feature impact play, we have created several excellent spanking education resources for you. Want more? Of course, you do! Click on these links:

Body Part Kinks

Breasts – The most common all-American fetish might be the one so many men—and a lot of women—have for the female chest, perhaps connected to our deep need for nurturance. Find out more about breasts, boobs, nipples, mammaries, lactating, the all-natural bosom vs. surgically enhanced porn star boobs, coitus a mammalia and more—plus what it all means and how it can (seriously!) heal you—under Breast Therapy. Buttocks – Coming in for a close second as America’s (and the world’s) favorite fetish would be a “nice butt”… but what is “nice”? What’s the bottom line? That depends on the fanny fetishist, their culture and personal taste.  Some “like big butts and [they] cannot lie.” Others prefer cute little buns, a heart-shaped ass, a strong muscular posterior or a soft cushy tushy, a panty-clad bottom or a stripped bare derrière. Some butt-lovers are into anal sex, doggy-style, spanking, squeezing, licking or worshipping that fine behind. But… what about the person with the “nice” butt? Assuming all is consensual (no pinching without permission!), the bottom is truly the “seat” of human pleasure, physiologically speaking, with lots of touch-responsive nerve endings that are in deliciously close proximity to the genitalia. Since there also tends to be a fair amount of padding down there, it is not so sensitive to consensually administered pain. And yes, a lot of people have a fetish for having their own butt played with! For more about butts, see the Spanking Links above or click on Anal Sex Therapy. Feet – A kink for feet is a little less common than boobs or buns, but foot fetishists are a passionate bunch. Not that they usually come in bunches, as many are embarrassed to admit to their kink. Nevertheless, once upon a time, here at the Institute, we held fabulous Foot Fetish Salons with massage, tickling, trampling and foot bondage workshops, followed by shrimping cocktails and tequila toe shots, a few of which are featured in our classic Feet for Lovers video. For more foot fetish information, try playing footsie with these links: Ejaculate Male and female ejaculation are normal aspects of sex and climax. Most of us enjoy orgasm, of course—though women squirting is controversial and even banned by some governments that confuse female ejaculate or amrita with urine. However, some people have an intense fetish for cum (or come). This is one kink that is probably enhanced by frequent porn-viewing—especially in terms of male orgasm or semen—as so much of straight and gay male porn focuses on the “money shot.”  In case you’re wondering why “ejaculate” is in this Body Part section, it’s because just before you shoot, your cum was part of your body.

Medical Kinks

How about “playing doctor”? Are you aroused by giving or receiving a medical exam or other “sexy nurse,” doctor or patient fantasies? These are some of the more common medical kinks, and with hospitals and health workers of all kinds looming large through the Coronapocalypse in our lives and in the media, medical fantasies are more popular—though also more taboo—than ever.  

Knowledge is power, and sexual knowledge is sexual power. 

One rather controversial type of medical kink that’s been in the news is the anesthesia or sleep fetish, an offshoot being Sleeping Beauty Syndrome, which actor Bill Cosby was convicted  of engaging in nonconsensually, though that conviction was overturned. Obviously, pharmaceutical and medical kinks like this can be extremely dangerous when pursued irresponsibly. However, kink-positive therapy and sex education can help you to enjoy them in a safe, sane, consensual manner. Exhibitionism & Voyeurism Almost everyone wants to see and/or be seen. These are the driving forces of voyeurism and exhibitionism, as well as the entire entertainment industry (not limited to porn) and social media. What does it mean to be seen? To be seen is to be immortal, if only for a moment, through the eyes of another. Triumphant. Shining like a star. Recognized. Celebrated. For that moment, you might feel you rule the world. You are an “influencer”—of billions or just one special witness to your wonderfulness. That’s the thrill of exhibitionism. What about seeing? To see is to go behind the curtain, to gain knowledge of the taboo, a taste of the apple or the delicious eye (or ear) candy, the euphoria of esoteric awareness. Knowledge is power, and sexual knowledge is sexual power. No wonder you feel so excited and even powerful when you see someone or something special that turns you on. No wonder we all can appreciate the erotic thrills of voyeurism… We may or may not call ourselves voyeurs. However, at least sometimes, all of us like to watch.

Pansexuality

Do you enjoy sex with more than one partner… maybe even at the same time? Are you drawn to threesomes, swinging, orgies, play parties, designer relationships or consensual gangbangs? Perhaps you’re not such a party animal, but you still like sexual variety, preferring polyamory, which means “many loves,” not just many lovers.

Call it communal ecstasy… like you’re at the best concert ever, plus orgasms.

Whether you’re only fantasizing or living the dream, all of these sex and relationship forms could be considered “kinky,” since they are all nonmonogamous. Most human societies around the world promote, endorse and sometimes compel “monogamy”—which has different meanings, but generally entails being sexually exclusive with one person for life—usually the person to whom you’re married. There’s nothing wrong with monogamy. In fact, for me personally and probably for most people, private couple sex is the most intimate, meaningful kind of sex there is. However, there is also something very special and truly wonderful about the “collective joy” (with a hat tip to Barbara Ehrenreich) of group sex that partner sex simply cannot duplicate. Call it communal ecstasy…like you’re at the best concert ever, plus orgasms. In a way, nonmonogamy is more natural than monogamy. That’s why so many people cheat! Bonobos, whose Latin name pan paniscus conveys their affinity for pansexuality (named for the Greek god Pan, Lord of the Wild), are our closest great ape cousins. Along with common chimpanzees (pan troglodyte), bonobos have been practicing consensual nonmonogamy for many thousands of years—at least. Moreover, the bonobo *brand* of nonmonogamy is a cornerstone of their lifestyle, since it is a vital aspect of the bonobos’ ability to make “peace through pleasure” in their communities. Do bonobos ever get jealous? Of course, they do. But love is not a zero-sum game for them, and they just have ways to work it out through sex and affections. For instance, among humans and bonobos, the best cure for a lover’s quarrel (as long as it’s not over anything serious) is kinky make-up sex. Our Great Ape nature is to share our love and lust, yet most of our strictly monogamous human societies denounce pansexuality in all its various forms, sometimes condemning it as “Satanic,” and certainly giving it that taboo quality that can turn any natural erotic feeling into a kink. Of course, I’m just scratching the surface of pansexuality here, so click on the links with the pansexual kinks that most appeal to you: Group Sex TherapySex at Dawn” interview with Dr. Christopher RyanEthical Slut” interview with author Janet W. Hardy American Swing Multiamory Show Designer Relationships Gangbang Sex Therapy Pansensuality Show Pan in Lupercalia 2020 Bonobo Nonmonogamy lecture Bonobo Nonmonogamy journal #GoBonobos in 2022 Cuckolding

“She’s my best friend’s girl But she used to be mine” The Cars

Cuckolding is a special kind of pansexual kink, and the cuckold is a very special kind of kinkster.  He (though “cuckqueens” exist, the typical cuckold is a “he”) is sexually aroused by the fantasy or reality of his sexual partner—usually his wife, girlfriend, or a woman he finds attractive, often called a “hotwife”—having sex with another partner, most likely a virile, well-endowed man, called a “bull.” Cuckolding could be centered on consensual kink—which is usually best for all involved—or it could involve cheating (not recommended). Cuckold fantasies are extremely common; in part, because they are driven by a basic biological phenomenon called “Sperm Wars.” However, many cuckold fetishists feel torn and fraught with anxiety over being aroused by something so denigrated in society. Ironically, that conflict itself tends to create greater arousal. Like most kinks, it’s best to accept the desire for cuckolding, though it need not always be acted upon in real life. For more about cuckoldry, click…

More Kinks More Fun

Don’t see your particular kink or fetish listed here? Have no fear! There are many more below, and even more on our “What Can We Talk About?” page. And here’s an even more extensive List of Kinks, as well as here and here, with everything under the sun, including the sun itself, which some people with “actirasy” find arousing. See, it’s not just bikinis that turn on the beach bums.

Gender Fluid Kink

Nowadays, “gender” is a psychologically and politically freighted term. People have strong ideas about what’s right and wrong in all shades of the gender spectrum (who you are)—as well as in terms of sexual orientation (who you like)—and some are fighting hard for their ideas to gain or maintain acceptance. There’s a lot at stake. Adding erotic fuel to the gender fires, arousal isn’t always politically correct. In fact, it’s often unintentionally the opposite of what you believe is “right,” as part of the excitement of kink lies in its taboo nature and shock value. True transgender people aren’t necessarily kinky, and their transition isn’t a kink; it’s their life.  

Some call it "the best of both worlds."

On the other hand, there are many folks of all genders who enjoy crossdressing or sissification just for the kink of it. For some, especially the sissies, the more politically incorrect, the kinkier! On the other side of the equation, there are many folks who have a kink or fetish for lovers who are transgender. Something about the combination of so-called male and female characteristics drives some sexually people wild. It’s more popular than you might think, since many trans admirers are embarrassed to talk about it. It may be politically incorrect to say, but some call it “the best of both worlds.” Need to talk privately about your trans interests, desires, problems or fantasies? Call our Therapists Without Borders anytime at 213.291.9497. We're here for you.

Kink in Nature

Humans aren’t the only kinky creatures on the planet. In fact, I often call bonobos the “kinkiest apes on Earth” as they enjoy many of the kinks I’ve described here. That is, they engage in a variety of consensual erotic behaviors that are not for procreation purposes, or really any *purpose* other than pleasure. Keep in mind that pleasure is a very important, worthy purpose, especially in Bonoboville. That simple exchange of kinky pleasures makes bonobos the Most Peaceful Apes on Earth, never seen killing each other in the wild or captivity. Kink is also the basis for bonobo bisexuality, ecosexuality, bonobo female empowerment, male well-being and bonobos’ penchant for sharing, making them the Most Socialist Apes on Earth, as well. Does that mean if humans were kinkier, we’d be more peaceful, female-empowered, male-nurturing and egalitarian? Does being consensually kinky mean valuing lust over greed?  I certainly think so, and that’s one of the principles of “releasing your inner bonobo” through practicing The Bonobo Way. Humans and bonobos aren’t the only ones. Many nonhuman animals indulge in kinky activities. Haven’t you ever had a dog hump your leg? I’m not trying to encourage bestiality (on the contrary), so hold your horses on that notion (then again, Adam Driver as a centaur is pretty hot). I just want you to rest assured that, in general, your kinks are perfectly natural, and we perverted humans aren’t the only kinksters-in-residence on this planet. Most of nature is quite kinky. It’s the dirty—as in polluting—aspects of humanity that are the problem… not our kinkiness! Pro Tip: Just because kink is as natural as any kind of sex doesn't make it good. If you want kink--or any kind of sex--to be good, you have to learn a thing or too. But then, that's why you're reading this! Kink and Culture Though the rest of nature is at least as kinky as we are, over the millennia, we humans have put our unique anthropocene spin on kink through our culture, art, architecture, technology and politics. It's difficult to say just where erotica ends and "regular" art begins—especially “in the beginning.”  Arguably, the first form of human performance art may well have been kinky dancing. The oldest sculpted art piece in the world, the Venus of Willendorf (24,00-22,00 B.C.E.)—big breasts, belly, hair and a distinct vulva, but no face—is pretty kinky. Is it goddess worship or prehistoric objectification or both? Some have even called it a sex toy. Heresy? Hardly. Many of the most respected artists in history, now enshrined in our most honored museums, including the Vatican (hello kinky Michelangelo), were considered kinky in their day. Revolutionary art like Picasso’s Cubist Demoiselles of the brothel—as well as fascist, state sanctioned art, like Leni Riefenstahl’s Triumph of the Will—can be considered kinky, twists and bends in the ropes of tradition that shock and disturb some people, while arousing and inspiring others, and sometimes shocking and arousing at the same time. Of course, kinks of all kinds can be found in popular music. From the Beatles to Marvin Gaye, Prince, MJ, Depeche Mode, Sade, Cardi B, Lil Nas X and the list goes on, musicians have thrived on kink. And let’s not forget our favorite kinky song, inspired by the Bonobo Way, that you often hear during kinky scenes on DrSuzy.Tv, Carmina Formosa’s “The Kinkster.” Special mention goes to that great British Invasion band of the 1970s, The Kinks, whose name is the same as this article and whose hit song “Lola,” about a comic-romantic encounter with a crossdresser, would now be considered politically incorrect but back then, was revolutionary, wry and very kink-positive.    Kinky Fashion

“It will make or break him so he’s a got to buy the best cause he’s a Dedicated Follower of Fashion” The Kinks

Kink is a huge part of fashion, from the boudoir to the Met Gala to the street. One of the most popular categories of fetish clothing is “intimate” wear, including lingerie, stockings or pantyhose, panties, high heels, boots, corsets and more. However, any type of fashion can be kinky, such as a latex catsuit, a cowboy hat, a bikini, a nun’s habit, superhero costume—whatever gets you off when you put it on. The late great Bettie Page was the 1950s icon of fashion kink, an influencer long before there were influencers, setting the tone for many generations to come. Check out my extremely rare 1996 interview with the incomparable Bettie Page. Sultry Dita Von Teese, who attended our Bettie Page interview when she was just 19 and who did another interview on DrSuzy.Tv while engaged to the ultra-kinky and controversial rock star, Marilyn Manson, is another paragon of kink fashion. Texture is as important as style, popular choices being leather (deliciously animalistic, but politically incorrect for animal rights sympathizers), lace (somewhat see-through and oh, so romantic), latex (gives you that slinky second-skin feeling) or nylon (divinely stretchy, semitransparent and nostalgic). Uniforms are often considered kinky, including military (all branches, but especially sailors), school, athletic, police, firefighter, nurse and the uniformed fashion kinks march on. Conveying eroticism, beauty, horror, mystery and mastery, as well as concealing the mask wearer’s identity, the mask has been an important part of kinky fashion… since there were masks (going back at least 9,000 years)! One could say, in a way, masks have always been kinky—twisting and turning the features of the human face to obscure one’s identity or for dramatic effect. As of this writing, with the Coronapocalypse still raging off and on, masks are also protective (as they were against various plagues throughout history). Learn more about kinky, sexy masks in “Masks Are Sexy.” Some fashion isn’t so obviously kinky—like business suits, chef’s aprons or skating skirts—but kinksters-in-the-know just know. Very often, kinky clothing connects to another kink, such as adult baby diapers connect to golden showers and mommy fantasies. As in all types of fashion, there are trendsetters. Celebrities contribute a lot to kinky fashion, though they also copy it, from Madonna to Rihanna, Lady Gaga, Cardi B, Miley Cyrus, Kanye, Beyonce and so many more, serviced by subtly (or not so subtly) kinky high-fashion designers like Thierry Mugler, Alexander McQueen and Versace, influenced by underground sex workers, Goth gals and Dominatrices. Sometimes, kinky celebrity fashion goes beyond boots and masks into kinky emotional territory. As I write this, Kanye West is now the world's most famous cuckold. Obviously, watching his ex-wife Kim Kardashian dating Pete Davidson is agony for Ye. But as he actively milks it for all it's worth, blasting his public disgrace all over social and mainstream media, he also appears to be in the throes of a kind of celebrity cuckold's ecstasy.

Literary Kink

One of the best, most sapiosexual ways to get yourself and/or your partner into a kinky mood is to read something stimulating. But what? You might be surprised to find that some of the best kinky erotica is in the Bible. Yes indeed, Brothers and Sisters, Lovers and Sinners, sing Hallelujah and open your Old Testament to the Song of Songs and the Book of Esther, both surprisingly sex-positive. For sex-negative kink, consider hanging with the guys in Sodom and Gomorrah. Anaïs Nin’s Delta of Venus is classic early 20th century erotica, much of it kinky, which the great diarist wrote during the Great Depression for a dollar a page. More emotional and subtly kinky are her famous diaries; read them unexpurgated. Some of the finest, most taboo, profoundly eloquent and absolutely riveting, literary kink is in the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy (no relation to Bill Cosby’s sleep fetish!) beginning with The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty, written by the great Anne Rice (who just passed away) under the kinky pen name of A.N. Roquelaure. Many years ago, before the Interview with the Vampire author got mega-famous, I had the honor of interviewing her for an article I was writing for the San Francisco Bay Guardian about "interesting couples." Anne’s intensely romantic relationship with her husband, Stan Rice, whom she’d met in high school (and who happened to be my English professor and chairman of the San Francisco State University Master’s degree program), was certainly "interesting." Though the great author was much more conservative than hippie me, I was very impressed by Anne’s deep love for Stan, as well as her sparkling brilliance, wit, gothic horror stories, and her signature *kinky nun* look—high-collared white lace blouse and black maxi-skirt that matched her bangs crowning her cascades of jet-black hair. A couple years later, when I was just learning about BDSM, a more experienced kinkster turned me on to Anne’s Beauty books, and I was blown away.  A woman of many literary facets, Anne also wrote the famous erotic novel Exit to Eden under the pen name Anne Rampling, though that didn’t have the impact (for me) of her penetrating, no-holds-barred, no topics-off-limits Beauty books. As I reflect upon Anne's death (12.11.2021), I feel her Thanatos-enraptured spirit has come home. I also realize that Anne Rice opened an erotic dungeon door for me with her kinky Beauty.  Indeed, Anne and Stan Rice were my role models for a very special kind of wild, creative, romantic but enduring, and rather kinky love, inspiring my own marriage to Capt’n Max. I’d also recommend the excellent kinky erotica of a few of my favorite DrSuzy.Tv guests: Stan Kent (on Urban Erotica, Pyrophilic Bday Spanking Gangbang, Spring Showers and more) tells a captivating tale of British boarding school impact play, Caning Able, that will make you laugh as it turns you on, and Eden Baylee (on Female Masturbation Education) explores intimate seasonal kink in Spring into Summer. Rachel Kramer Bussel (on Shameless Erotica and Daddy Please!) has penned and edited many great kink books, including Anything for You: Erotica for Kinky Couples, an excellent kink primer for an adventurous duo. Most of Rachel’s marvelous books and anthologies are released by Cleis Press, a major publisher of great kinky erotica and how-to books. I’ll also mention one kinky mega-bestseller that I didn’t particularly like: 50 Shades of Grey. Due to a confluence of forces, this ultra-poorly written trilogy managed to generate a huge and passionate interest in kink from typically kink-ignorant, conservative, sex-negative and fairly sex-starved, suburban matrons. Despite—or maybe because—it’s so poorly written, it struck a nerve that showed the world at least one, very important, widely overlooked phenomenon: the most unlikely women crave kink. Need more? Read more… 55 Most Erotic Books Click for Some of Rachel’s Picks  

Cinematic Kink

Films are filled with kink, whether the filmmakers intend for them to be kinky or not. It can be good or bad, light or dark, kink-positive or very negative, and your feelings about it have everything to do with you, your tastes and your desires. Of course, kink is very popular in porn—to the point you often can’t tell where the porn ends, and the kink begins. The fact that most modern human societies offer very little in the way of explicit sex education leaves pornography as virtually the only alternative. These days, porn is so ubiquitous, it has almost as much effect on our sexuality—positive and negative—as friends, family members and role models. Thus, many people blame what they have been told is their porn “addiction” for their more controversial kinky desires. Porn might enhance or refine your desire for certain types of kink, but it is hardly ever the root reason you feel that desire. We can also find plenty of kink in mainstream movies where it is often presented in a negative, misinformed light, but occasionally it is handled with care, sensitivity, humor, wisdom, great artistry and intense eroticism. Here are just a few select films and TV shows that feature kink(s). Some link to trailers, and others to the entire film. This list is by no means comprehensive or even a “best of,” just a jumping off point for your kinky film-watching endeavors.  I’d lustily recommend all these movies and many more, but unsurprisingly, I can’t recommend 50 Shades of Grey (2015) any more than the badly written book of the same name… though the slickly produced, rather bland film did introduce some aspects of kink—and, unfortunately, a lot of misinformation about kink relationships—to millions of mostly fresh eyeballs. That film factoid in and of itself is kinky.

Culinary Kink

Food and sex are two of the most basic, universally needed elements of life. Combine them, and it's kinky! Here in Bonoboville, splosh is one of our favorite kinks. Check out Dr. Susan Block's Speakeasy Journal of Splosh 'n' Art featuring Daniele Watts, Chef Belive and a big yummy, kinky mess.

Kink and Fantasy

“There is no limit to imagination I’m into every type of stimulation Getting kinky is an excitation I gotta have that kink!” Carmina Formosa

Fantasy may be reality’s much-maligned stepsibling, but it is a huge part of human consciousness. For better and for worse (mostly worse these days), many people live in fantasy more than reality. Kinky, vanilla or a multi-flavored combo, your sexuality is fueled by three basic types of fantasy. There are… 1) Fantasies of your past, aka your memories filtered through time… 2) Fantasies of your future, aka your hopes and dreams, and… 3) “Pure” fantasies—wild reveries that never happened and that you never really want to have happen—but which haunt and stimulate you like a kinky parallel universe. Kinky fantasies rise and fall like waves rippling through your brain—regardless of whether you want them to or not. You may be able to control your actions, including your speech, but you can't control your thoughts. So don't make like the "thought police" and bust yourself for your kinky fantasies You might be able to force yourself to think or not think about a particular subject for a while, perhaps via distracting yourself with something else. You could try not to watch porn. As many experts advise, you could watch a cooking show, go for a walk, do yoga, call a friend, get into gardening, read a book, volunteer at a soup kitchen or maybe go to Church instead. All of that sounds good, but is any of it really a substitute for sexual fantasy (unless you’re sitting there in the pews fantasizing about your smoking hot minister)? Sooner or later, you will find your mind wandering back to whatever is playing in the Erotic Theater of Your Mind… which could well be that troublesome fantasy, whatever it might be. Fantasy is not reality; often it's the opposite. However, sometimes a troublesome fantasy indicates a real-life problem that should be addressed. But what if you feel you can’t talk about it with anyone in your life? Maybe not even with your spouse. Maybe especially not your spouse. Or what if you’ve tried, but they’re not interested—or what if they lashed out at you? If that’s your situation, you might consider talking with a therapist, someone who won’t judge you and who might be able to help you make sense of your feelings, as well as realize you're not alone. Though kinky fantasies can be problematic, they can also provide hidden mental health benefits, killing the pain of trauma and fear with arousal.  Think about it: If erotic fantasies never played in your mind’s multiplex, then your inner horror movies—or just the constant awareness of your own anxiety—could give you a heart attack! So, be grateful for your kinky fantasies; they are gifts! Just as your dreams can help you to cope with your real-life problems, so can your fantasies, though they tend to do so when you’re awake. Your kinky fantasies can also be keys that unlock the doors of your repressed personal history. Sexual fantasies and erotic dreams, especially when accompanied by orgasm and perspective (not necessarily in that order), can help to release the stress and trauma of past abuse, bullying, sickness and suffering. They can also help you relive good sexual memories. However, your fantasies aren’t just about your past. They can also prepare you for the future. Fantasies can be hazy or detailed rehearsals in the erotic theater of the mind for sexual acts you haven’t yet experienced.

Kink is international, non-denominational, and even beyond human; remember, Mother Nature is a kinky MILF.

Your sexual fantasies evolve and change as you do. If they are troublesome in any way, it might be helpful to share them with a sex therapist who can help you to put them in perspective—through discussion, kink-positive roleplay, sexual psychodrama, hypnosis and other techniques—reducing their negative power over you. For various reasons, many people struggle against their own fantasies. However, fighting fantasies is like fighting ghosts… they’re slippery creatures! Rather than fighting a losing battle, I suggest you find ways to “make friends” with your fantasies— including the kinky ones. You may not want to act out all your kinky fantasies in real life—and you probably shouldn’t—but you can accept them as very personalized gifts from the Erotic Theater of your Mind, and use them to release stress and come to terms with the many layers of your sexuality. You might want to explore them over the phone where you can close your eyes and enter the Erotic Theater of the Mind without worrying what you or the person on the other end of the phone looks like or what you're really doing. Then you can explore your kinks together on the dark fertile ground of your imaginations.

Kink & Politics

Politics and kink have long been intertwined, at least since Caligula made his horse a senator. And then there was Napoleon’s message to his beloved Cougar Josephine: “I’m coming home. Don’t wash.” The great Bonaparte apparently had a kink for strong, natural, feminine aromas. In fact, the relationship between kink and politics is much older than that. We can trace its origins to the earliest expressions of religion which, as a general, almost universal rule, tends to ritualistically mix kink with politics, even while solemnly condemning kink as sinful. Sound confusing? Consider the first book of the Old Testament which has “the Lord,” a supremely sadistic voyeur with a penchant for painful punishments, punishing His naughty children, Adam and Eve, for cavorting with His forbidden phallic Snake and biting into His delicious taboo apples that then magically make them feel both horny and ashamed. Then they have sex and cover their nakedness with those fetishistic fig leaves, ruining God’s Original All-Nude All-the-Time Floor Show. Looking at the Judeo-Christian human origin story this way—which may be kind of funny, but isn’t such a stretch—you could say that all of humanity’s kinky desires stem from God the Father’s original, unreasonable and eternal abuse of His Children (us). No wonder we have a chronic epidemic of sexual harm inflicted upon the young by the clergy… who are, at least in the Catholic faith, expected to be celibate. Talk about kinky—as in twisted! From the Biblical to the historical, kink has always been political. As the sapiosexual folks at Karada House say, “Kink does not exist in a vacuum… it cannot be separated from politics, history and lived experiences.” That doesn’t necessarily make kink more or less liberal or conservative, Democratic, Republican, Libertarian or Socialist. It doesn’t make kink Abrahamic, Asiatic or atheistic. Kink is international, non-denominational, and even beyond human; remember, Mother Nature is a kinky MILF. Good kink is a little more narrowly defined, being, above all, consensual. However, many consensual kink activities are based on nonconsensual forms of domination, torture, gender debasement and trauma practiced by various political and religious groups and individuals. For example, floggers, whips and canes have been used—and are still used—to nonconsensually punish, coerce, hurt, intimidate and dehumanize real prisoners, slaves and nonbelievers. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t thoroughly enjoy a consensual flogging; of course, you should! However, awareness of an item or activity’s political history adds an important layer of meaning to your kink experience. At the turn of the 20th century, kink rose to the forefront of politics with the kink-weaponized Starr Report, featuring sex that’s “not sex”—which is actually a great definition for kink!—including teasing, phone sex, oral, a cigar, DNA on a dress and the lasciviously detailed, Puritanically-driven impeachment of President Billy Jeff Clinton. Some political activists use kink to entice an audience and make a point. For instance, a topless FEMEN protestor, with the words “God is a Woman” written on her bare chest, grabbed the baby Jesus from the Saint Peter’s Square Nativity scene before a Vatican cop stopped her, inadvertently becoming a player in her kinky political theater scene.

Kink and sex in general can be a leaky business, especially when combined with politics, so one should always be prepared to either plug that leak or go with the flow.

Another great example is my longtime friend and DrSuzy.Tv guest, Mistress Tara Indiana, who ran for President in 2016 on the Female Supremacy Party ticket, promising to “whip America back into shape, one middle-aged white man at a time.” When she lost that election to Trump, Mistress Tara formed a FemDom collective called “Dominatrixes Against Donald trump” (D.A.D.), aka “Women Who Pee Standing,” to “highlight the hypocrisy, injustice and double standard that’s applied to sex workers and the politicians that hire them. A Dominatrix who pees on Trump can be sent to jail, while Trump can pay to be peed on and he gets to be President.” D.A.D. did a very kinky political performance art piece on DrSuzy.Tv, spanking and humiliating a Trump surrogate, forcing him onto his knees to take it from behind and then onto his back where several of us squatted over him to give him the golden showers referenced by the Steele Dossier. I ran my own kinky U.S. Presidential campaign back in 1992 (on the Block Party ticket, of course) and was Vice Presidential running mate to the late great kinky political poet Frank Moore’s 2008 U.S. Presidential Campaign. Much of my own writing combines kink and politics, especially my post-911 Terror Journals and other Counterpunch articles. Obviously, I’m very open about my own kinks, but most people prefer to keep their kinks private, and I strongly believe in the right to that privacy.  However… what can you do if and when your secret kinks are leaked by a political rival in the middle of your election campaign? You could lie and deny like Trump, or maybe tell the truth, like Manhattan City Council candidate Zack Weiner who bravely copped to his kink. It may have cost him the election (though he was already behind… so to speak), but fellow kinksters—many of whom are also voters—will always honor his honesty. Kink and sex in general can be a leaky business, especially when combined with politics, so one should always be prepared to either plug that leak or go with the flow.

Kink, Trauma and Pathology

Trauma and kink might seem to be diametrically opposed, but they are very much related, as we discussed in our fantasy section. Trauma can contribute to a desire for kink, and caring consensual kink can help to heal past traumas. First, to be clear, being kinky itself is not a sign of trauma, nor does enjoying fetishes or BDSM imply a pathology or psychological disorder. A Journal of Sexual Medicine study of the Psychological Characteristics of BDSM Practitioners concluded that “BDSM may be thought of as a recreational leisure, rather than the expression of psychopathological processes.” “Though mental health providers have historically pathologized kinky behavior as ‘Sexual Sadism and Sexual Masochism Disorders,’” according to the Gender and Sexuality Therapy Center’s Healing From Sexual Trauma Through Kink, “there is research that shows people who practice BDSM are less neurotic, more extroverted, more open to new experiences, more conscientious, less rejection sensitive, and have higher subjective well-being than non-kinky people. A similar U.S. study found BDSM-identified couples reported less stress as well as increased intimacy following play.” Over the years, many kink-positive sexologists have helped to slowly remove the stigma of pathology attached to BDSM and other fetishes, but Charles A. Moser, MD, PhD, stands out. Dr. Moser’s “research on kink and his contribution of over 100 scholarly articles over 45 years, most on alternative sexualities, created an evidence-based conversation in psychiatry that coincided with the social changes that have made de-pathologizing kink an intellectually credible effort,” writes Russell Stambaugh, an award-winning sexologist and clinical psychologist who has also made significant contributions to the study and normalization of kink. Though kink itself is not pathological, the desire for kink is sometimes tied to childhood abuse, early illnesses and accidents, relationship issues, problematic family dynamics, domestic violence, humiliation, schoolyard bullying and other forms of trauma. These kink-fueling traumatic events often occur in childhood when we are most vulnerable and impressionable, but you can also contract PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) leading to kinky desires from being involved in war, occupation, poverty, inequities, climate catastrophe, the pandemic and more. In this crazy, mixed up, “civilized” world, many are trauma survivors, and some of us are kinksters. Some of us even utilize our kinks to heal the pain of trauma, transforming it into erotic pleasure, restoration and inspiration. To learn more about the many fascinating intersections of trauma, kink and therapy, check out Trauma Shrink and FemDom Kink, or just continue reading.

Kink Therapy

Since kink is not usually pathological (well, not unless you’re Jeffrey Dahmer), can it be therapeutic? Can practicing consensual kink actually help to heal trauma? In a way, this entire article is about the therapeutic benefits of kink. The science behind kink therapy is rarely discussed due to the traditional sexual squeamishness of Western medicine, particularly as practiced in the good old Puritanical U.S.A. Yet the evidence is clear. Biochemically speaking, we know that pleasure is a painkiller (see above). When your kinky psyche associates arousal with the experience of consensual, expected pain (no sucker-punches please!), endorphins rush into your bloodstream, and the pleasure—or even just the anticipation of pleasure—helps you to handle the pain… at least to a point. When arousal is in the driver’s seat and pleasure is riding shotgun, then pain—both physical and psychological—is forced to take a backseat. In fact, a little bit of consensual pain—or maybe a lot (if you’re a “pain slut”)—tends to heighten the pleasure.  Spanking and other forms of impact play are especially effective, cathartic forms of therapy, as Russian studies have shown, along with our own anecdotal research conducted here at the Block Institute. Why would someone who was beaten as a child find it healing to be spanked as an adult? The bottom line is consent. A child cannot and likely would not consent to being beaten. But the consenting adult might find that a structured spanking with clear boundaries from someone for whom they feel both lust and trust gives them a cathartic, therapeutic release they can’t get from just talking about it. Kink can heal the body and mind in a multitude of manners—from relieving stress to building confidence, dissipating depression, reducing painful shyness and working through past trauma. However, it’s important to note that involvement in kink can also create its own trauma, even among consenting adults, as we’ve seen in recent news stories about celebrity kinksters stepping over the line and into abuse. Best to tread lightly and take it slow, using—and respecting— “safe words,” as you go.

Kink-Positive Therapists Without Borders

“That Puritanical shame still prevails Cause when the Puritans came all they built were jails. But we’re living in a modern society And we can all afford to be a bit more kinky.” Rose Kelso

As kink becomes increasingly accepted into the mainstream, more and more forms of therapy are emerging that address it in a healthy way. Kink-positive sex therapy can help individuals deconstruct their past traumas, learn to identify and explore ways to release fears and feelings of shame, as well as truly embrace their always-evolving sexuality. Whether you need serious psychotherapy to investigate the origins of your kink(s) and/or the best way to handle them or you’d prefer to just enjoy a fun kinky fantasy roleplay—or a combination—our kink-positive Therapists Without Borders here at the Dr. Susan Block Institute are some of the best in the world. You can experience your kink therapy session via webcam, phone or text anytime you like 24 hours a day. In-person sessions are also available, though our physical facility is temporarily closed due to pandemic concerns. However, we are always open to talk with you! Need to talk about a kink that you can’t talk about anywhere else? You can talk to us. Call anytime: 213.291.9497. We’re here for YOU… and your kink(s).

Want to Read Some Reader Comments about Cougar Sexuality? Or Post Your Own Comment? Click These Links: Kink on Facebook Twitter One Twitter Two

© February 7. 2022 Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 626-461-5950. Editorial Assistance on this article provided by Adriana Gomez-Weston and Crysta Swindell.   Read More

Adult Baby Diaper Fetish Comments Off on Adult Baby Diaper Fetish

Call [callus] by Dr. Susan Block.

Have you ever wanted to just be a baby again?

Do you get aroused by the idea—or the reality—of wearing diapers, being held by warm strong arms, nuzzling big soft breasts, suckling mama’s nipples, being spanked, being cuddled, coddled or just plain babied? Do you want to cry like a baby? Laugh like a baby? Mess your diaper like a baby? Be treated like a spoiled, cranky, naughty or very good, very special baby?

You’re not alone.

Do you need to talk about it privately and confidentially with someone who understands?

The Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute are experts in adult baby fetishes, diaper play and other types of sexuality, whether you want serious sex therapy or just an erotic phone sex or webcam experience. Call us anytime at 213-291-9497

 

Are you an Adult Baby Diaper Lover?

Everyone enjoys being "babied" sometimes, but some crave it some quite literally.

If you like roleplaying that you are a baby and/or wear diapers—either for sexual or nonsexual reasons—you may be an Adult Baby Diaper Lover (AB/DL).

You may enjoy enacting childhood activities such as crawling on the floor, playing with toys, sucking on a pacifier or talking in baby talk, or being cared for by a parent—a mommy or daddy (more on that later!)—or a babysitter.  Or perhaps just like to wear diapers, because the sensation of diapers might give you an erotic charge and/or a feeling of comfort which you can incorporate in your sexual relationships.

AB/DL, sometimes referred to as "infantilism," encompasses a wide spectrum, and anyone who identifies as such has their own definition of what it means to them and what they enjoy. Some people, like those who identify as adult toddlers, may want to just wear children’s clothes and not be entirely helpless. Others yearn to hand over total control to a “dominant” caregiver, letting them take care of everything, from reading them books at bedtime to making their food (which consists mostly of baby food, snacks, or whatever the adult baby desires) to even changing their dirty “diapees,”  There are also adult bed-wetters, who find comfort and/or excitement in peeing in bed or “messing” their diapers.

Many enjoy AB/DL in a BDSM (Bondage & Discipline/Dominance & Submission/Sadomaschism) context, with a Domme acting as Mommy—a “Dommy Mommy”—or a “Daddy Dom” providing discipline, like spanking or flogging, or gagging with a pacifier.

   

AB/DL Misconceptions

Long-time misconceptions of people who identify as AB/DL have been images of lazy, unappealing older men, who use the AB/DL moniker to give credence to their need for someone to take care of them.

That might be true of some, but many AB/DLs are high-functioning, independent people in the real world, and very capable of caring for themselves. Many are CEOs, bankers, college students, lawyers, professors—even world leaders (one prominent big baby comes to mind)—or otherwise ordinary folks. Sometimes their demanding, intensive schedules and always-in-control, high-pressure lifestyles feed into their need to check into their AB/DL personas to hand over control to someone else.

AB/DLs are also not pedophiles; this is yet another common misconception due to the link between childhood regression and sexuality. The vast majority of AB/DLs do not want to have sex with kids, they want to be kids.

Anyone within the AB/DL community will be quick to tell you that AB/DL is a roleplaying fantasy between consenting adults only, not with any real children at all.

 

Why Do You Like Diapers?

There is no single, definitive “cause” for AB/DL desires.

Furthermore, there is not likely to be just one reason that you long to return to your diaper-wearing days and suck on a pacifier as an adult. Like most fetishes and sexual interests, your desire probably stems from a combination of experiences, tendencies and needs.

One likely root of your AB/DL fetish would be your need to feel supported, nurtured, comforted or controlled. Perhaps you want to release your “inner child” to escape the pressures, responsibilities and the hypocrisy of adult life, if only temporarily. Hard-to-handle feelings of adult guilt—real or imagined—may drive you to seek the innocence of babyhood.

Your fetish for diapers might also relate to how you were toilet trained, especially if your toilet training was somehow difficult. Perhaps you experienced some trauma related to your childhood, and your AB/DL feelings are a way of coping with that. You may have received too much or not enough attention as a child, so you crave the feeling of being nurtured and/or disciplined by a parent figure. Perhaps you also eroticize these feelings, though not all AB/DL are aroused sexually by indulging their fetish. For some, it’s just comforting.

Perhaps the feeling of a Huggie hugging your bottom turns you on or just helps you to feel more secure in your daily life, secretly sporting your Bambinos under your Chinos. 

Then again, you might have real-life medical issues that require you to wear diapers 24/7.  Not every adult who has to wear diapers eroticizes them; in fact, most don’t. But many do, and sexualizing those diapers that you have to wear anyway can help you to feel good about something that otherwise might feel shameful, onerous or uncomfortable.

Did you know that astronauts often wear diapers? Called Maximum Absorbency Garments (MAG), these are adult-sized diapers with extra absorption material that NASA astronauts wear during liftoff, landing, and extra-vehicular activity (EVA) to absorb urine and feces. Wonder if some of those Space Force cadets are AB/DL…

However, most AB/DL don’t have to wear diapers; they just like to.

If you’re just beginning to understand your interest in diapers or your desire to suck your thumb, eat dinosaur-shaped cereal or wear cartoon-covered onesies, you might want to take some time exploring it on your own before trying to share it with someone new in your life.

Certain toys, clothes, or behaviors might trigger your AB/DL side, or perhaps activities like watching cartoons or G-rated movies, using baby talk or messing your diaper. Take time to try different scenes to examine what feels best for you.

Do you enjoy having sex in a diaper? Lots of AB/DL do, whether it’s masturbation, oral, BDSM-oriented or just “regular” sexual intercourse with the added spice of one or both partners wearing diapers and/or doing age play.

Every adult baby, diaper lover, little, adult toddler, sissy baby, diaper boy, diaper girl, etc. is different, and it takes time to understand why this fetish speaks to you. If you need to talk about it, give us call at 213.291.9497. We’re here for you and all your adult baby needs.

AB/DL and “Little” Kink

If you enjoy living your AB/DL fantasies in a kink-specific context, AB/DL crosses over quite often into BDSM. Instead of being called an adult baby or diaper lover, some kinksters are called “littles” while their caregivers are often called Bigs, Daddies or Mommies.

The relationship between a little and a Big can be similar to that of a sub and a Dom/me where the Big/Daddy/Mommy provides Dominant support to their submissive little.

Littles can be of any gender, age or sexual orientation. If you are the little, your Dom/me may nurture, discipline and/or control you. In certain relationships, you may enjoy soiling your diaper in order to get humiliated by their Mommy or Daddy. Usually this involves water sports, but could include Coprophagia, a.k.a., a feces fetish.

Not all littles identify as babies or toddlers; they just enjoy pretending to be young, usually in the context of “age play.”

Just like other types of submissives may go into “subspace” in a BDSM session, you may experience “little space,” a pleasant, out-of-control, often ecstatic, sometimes orgasmic feeling, like being “in the zone.”

Little space can be triggered in different ways, from the Dommy Mommy or Daddy uttering certain sounds or phrases, being babied, controlled, spanked or disciplined in other ways that turn you on or take you on a trip into a dream world where you feel like you really are the little baby of your fantasies.

Challenges of AB/DL

Many AB/DLs live in shame and have difficulty accepting this facet of their personality and/or sexuality, let alone disclosing it to anyone else.

However you feel, it’s okay to feel that way. But it certainly helps your sense of well-being to feel good about yourself and your sexuality.

Some try to stop AB/DL desires from occurring, but it’s usually impossible to stop your own desires. You can control what you do and how you behave, but you can’t control what you think or how you feel. Nevertheless, lots of people try, throwing away their diapers as they vow never to wear them again, then buying more when the urge gets irresistible, called “binge and purge” syndrome. Sometimes they can go without their fetish for years, but usually it comes back in some way. These back-and-forth patterns often create frustration, rage, stress, insecurity and even depression.

To help you with this, you might want to get into therapy. Of course, not many therapists, even sex therapists, are knowledgeable or understanding of AB/DL. Some therapists might be judgmental. Some erroneously believe in the misconceptions listed above and might even make an AB/DL feel worse about their feelings than they did before they went into therapy!

Unfortunately, there also isn’t a lot of research dedicated to understanding AB/DL, so you probably won’t find as much information online about it as you would about other common fetishes.

However, you can talk about it with the Therapists Without Borders at the Dr. Susan Block Institute. Several of us are experts in adult baby fetishes, diaper play and other aspects of AB/DL, whether you want serious sex therapy or just an erotic phone sex or webcam experience. Call us anytime 24/7 at 213-291-9497.

Whether you get into therapy or not, it’s important to know that there is nothing wrong with being an AB/DL. It’s not illegal or unethical, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

That said, it’s not for everyone. In fact, it’s not for most people.

That’s okay; you don’t have to share it with everyone—just an understanding therapist, sex worker, lover or friend is usually enough.

Dating can be especially challenging for AB/DLs.

Nevertheless, it’s possible, and if you’re patient and lucky, it can be fantastic.

In some cases a partner may even feel moved to participate and share in an AB/DL’s roleplay, enacting the role of the caretaker by feeding their beloved adult baby milk from a bottle, reading them a bedtime story, speaking to them in baby talk, spanking them and/or changing their diaper. As with all sexual activities, it’s important that couples negotiate their expectations and boundaries.

Not all AB/DL play involves sex, so some people enjoy adult baby play with no sex involved.

If it proves difficult for you to get into a relationship with someone who will enjoy AB/DL with you, consider booking a session with a sex worker, escort, dominatrix or other professional who specializes in AB/DL. There’s nothing wrong with going to a sex worker, and it might be perfect for you, especially if you’re shy about bringing it up to someone in a dating context.

Escorting should be decriminalized, and it is in some states. Even if it’s not legal in your area, much adult baby play doesn’t involve sex anyway, so you needn’t worry about legalities.

That doesn’t mean you should give up on finding someone special with whom to share your fetish. Rest assured, there are people out there who are open to learning more about AB/DL. They may be interested for their own reasons, or they may get involved just because they love their partner and want to do what they enjoy.  

Loving an AB/DL

Is someone you love an adult baby?

Loving an AB/DL doesn’t require expertise in the subject, but does demand some compassion, understanding and acceptance.

Having your partner come out to you as an Adult Baby Diaper Lover can be rather shocking, especially when you aren’t familiar with AB/DLs. There’s nothing wrong with you if you’re shocked, but that doesn’t mean you should expect your AB/DL lover to toss their Pampers in the trash and forget about them from now on. They can’t and they won’t. If they never bring it up to you again, rest assured that they are simply enjoying their fetish when you are not around. They may even be doing it with someone else. Regardless, they are still thinking about it and feeling bad about your intolerance, whether it makes them feel ashamed, angry, depressed or just frustrated.

However, if you’re open minded, or at least willing to hear them out, ask questions about their specific experiences and fantasies, and do a little research (start by carefully reading the previous sections), you can learn where they’re coming from and how you might fit in. Some AB/DLs are fine just acting out their fantasy by themselves or around you. Others prefer that you participate, usually as a caretaker or fellow baby. Some want to incorporate diapers into sex.  

This might be a deal-breaker for you, and that could be painful for both of you. But better to break up now than suffer in silence or expect them to forget their desires as you go along as if nothing’s different.

If you do want to maintain the relationship, you need to be open and understanding, and you might find yourself surprised that it’s not as bad as you feared. Maybe you’ll even have fun with it. It might even turn you on!

Nevertheless, your own comfort level is as important as theirs. All sexual and interpersonal activity should be consensual. You should try new things, stretch your boundaries and expand your horizons. There’s nothing wrong with doing something that doesn’t turn you on just because it makes your partner feel good. They probably do things just to make you happy sometimes. Just don’t do anything you really don’t want to do.

You might find that you enjoy some AB/DL activities, but not others. For instance, maybe you enjoy feeding your adult baby, tickling them, talking baby talk or giving them a good spanking, but you are not up for changing their diapers. Don’t be afraid to assert your boundaries. Just because you’re in love with an AB/DL doesn’t mean you have to give into all of your baby’s demands.

Want some tips on handling your adult baby—or your own emotions? Got questions or concerns? Call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute. We can help.

  Need to Talk about AB/DL? Still have questions? Not sure how to explore your Adult Baby Diaper Lover fetish by yourself or with a partner? Want to b

etter understand this aspect of your life? Are you in a relationship with an AB/DL and not sure how to handle it? Are you an AB/DL who wants to share this with your spouse, partner or someone new? It’s okay if there’s more you need to know. AB/DL is widely misunderstood, and it’s hard to find someone with whom to discuss, discover, explore and enjoy them.

Whatever your desires or concerns, you can talk about them with the Therapists Without Borders at the Dr. Susan Block Institute. Several of us are experts in adult baby fetishes, diaper play and other aspects of AB/DL. Whether you want serious sex therapy or just an erotic phone sex or webcam experience, we’re just a phone call away. Call us anytime 24/7 at 213-291-9497.

We’re here for you.

    Read More

What can we talk about Comments Off on What can we talk about

You can talk with the telephone sex therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute about anything you want to talk about.  No topic is too "taboo." Look over the lists of topics below under "Sexual Issues" and "Erotic Pleasures," if you need some ideas. As you can see, there is quite a bit of overlap among all the subjects we deal with. And we deal with more subjects than we could possibly list.

You may want to talk about several subjects in one session. You may want to discuss some serious sexual issues in your life as well as enjoy a hot phone sex fantasy. That’s fine. There are no limits on what you discuss or how you and your therapist talk in your private telephone session. Not all of our therapists can handle every kind of subject, of course, but we have a large team working with the Institute, and we can always find a therapist suited to your specific needs and desires.

And yes, you can masturbate, if you want, during telephone sex therapy sessions. And no, there is no other phone sex or phone therapy service quite like ours.

[one_half]

Sexual Issues Understanding Your Sexual Nature and How to Live with It Exploring Your Erotic Fantasies How to Find the Lover of Your Dreams Understanding Your Partner’s Fantasies Dealing with Your Fears and Desires How to Express Your Erotic Nature How to Explore Your Sexual Fetish Erotically and Safely How to Share Your Fantasies with Your Partner How to Liberate Your Inner Bonobo Childhood Influences on Your Sexuality Relationships and Sex Families and Sex Work and Sex Politics and Sex Money and Sex Religion and Sex Art and Sex Cuckoldry Trust Issues Sexual Wellness Religious Sexual Abuse How to Channel Erotic Inspiration How to Get What You Want In Sex, Love, Life and Death Orgasmic Fulfillment Orgasm Difficulties Masturbation Issues Masturbation Technique Mutual Masturbation Safe Sex in Dan gerous Situations Ejaculation Control Erectile Dif ficulties “Sex Addiction” Body Image Issues Shyness Exploring the Clitoris Low Sexual Desire Dealing with Your Partner’s Low Sexual Desire Penis Size Concerns Enhancement of Arousal Virginity Issues Exploring Pain/Pleasure Dynamics How to Find the Erotic Elements in Everyday Life Understanding sexual Illness and Injury Sex and Physical Handicaps Trying “The Lifestyle” (Learning to Swing) How to Increase the Passion in Your Marriage Understanding Eros and Thanatos How to Develop Your Sexual Communication Skills How to Give Great Oral Sex What You Should Know About Dominatrixes What You Should Know About Prostitutes How to Seduce the Lover of Your Dreams How to Lose Your Virginity Premature Ejaculation Different Sexual Positions for Different Pleasures Sexual Anatomy Lesson How to Deal with Extra-Marital Affairs Your Own or Your Partner’s How to Explore Your Feminine Side How to Explore Your Masculine Side Using Your Sexuality to Enhance Your Creativity Why Women Should Explore Phone Sex How to Explore Your Submissive Side How to Explore Your Dominant Side How to Find a Woman’s G–Spot How to Find a Man’s P–Spot How to Female Ejaculate How to Help Your Partner Experience Female Ejaculation Tantric Sex Techniques Pornography Issues How to Meet Mr. or Ms. Right How to Deal with Your Sexual Feelings toward Your Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, Children, Next-Door-Neighbor, Co-Worker, Boss, Employee, Student, Teacher, Sister-in-Law, Brother-in-Law, Cousin, Aunt, Uncle or Other Inappropriate Object of Your Desire How to Recover from Incest Trauma How to Recover from Rape, Molestation and Other Negative Sexual Experiences How to Use Sex Toys How to Explore the Loss of Control Sex and the Stock Market Holiday Blues/Holiday Sex How to Break Away from a Toxic Lover How to Forget a Lost Love Advertising for Love in the Classifieds and on the Internet Gender Issues Sex and Age Bisexuality Sex and Drugs Sex and Anti-Depressants Sex and Aphrodisiacs Dressing for Sex Undressing for Sex Sexercise for Sexual Health Circumcision Issues How to Conquer Your Sexual Phobias Finding the Pleasure in Your Life How to Share Sex Toys with Your Partner Sexual Meditation Erotic Relaxation Techniques How to be an Ethical Hedonist How to Practice the Bonobo Way of Peace through Pleasure

[/one_half][one_half_last]

Erotic Pleasures Pure and Uncensored PHONE SEX Straight Phone Sex Lesbian Phone Sex Gay Phone Sex Bisexual Phone Sex Transsexual Phone Sex Threesome Phone Sex Cuckold Phone Sex Orgasmic Phone Sex Bukkake Phone Sex Kinky Phone Sex Intelligent Phone Sex Sensuous Phone Sex Romantic Phone Sex Personalized Phone Sex Strip Tease Hot Girls Masturbation Fantasy Roleplay Hot Chat Fellatio Cunnilingus Fingering Hot Sexual Intercourse Doggy Style Woman on Top Missionary Position Analingus (rimming) Anal Sex Goddess Worship Sadomasochism Bondage & Discipline Phone Bondage Swinging Dressing Up Abduction Fantasy Medical Fantasy Smoking Intruder Fantasy Leather Latex Lady Boys Rubber Fur Foot Fetish Water Sports Female Ejaculation Frottage Erotic Teasing Nipple Play Crossdressing Spanking Catfight Fantasy Domination Surrender Hot Dirty Nasty Talk Romance Lingerie Play High Heels Boots Stockings Pantyhose She-Male Fantasy Panties Jealousy Fantasies Underwater Sex Vibrator Play Dildo Play Butt Plug Play Group Sex Fantasy Slave Training Cuckold Fantasy Presidential Sex Genital Torture Exhibitionism and Voyeurism Cannibal Fantasy Satanic Fantasy Infantile Fantasy Shoe Worship Interracial Sex Playing Doctor Beach Party Consensual Gangbang Celebrity Fantasy Girl Next Door Boy Next Door Horny Housewife Next Door Mother Fantasy Father Fantasy Childhood Fantasy Teenage Fantasy Rape Fantasy Hermaphrodite Fantasy Orgy Corsetry Muscle Woman Pregnant Fantasy Menage a Trois Flagellation Cum Fetish AutoFellatio Fantasy Felching Fantasy Food and Sex Shaved Genitals Shaved Bodies Animal Sex Fantasies Golden Showers Brown Showers Erotic Enemas Fisting Wet on Wet Queening Gag Fantasy Piercing Wrestling Fantasies Tantric Sex Play Weight Training Sensory Deprivation Sensory Enhancement Tickling Science Fiction Fantasies Vampire Fantasies Incest Fantasies Bondage Fantasies Nurse Fantasies Tattoos Small Breasts Big Breasts Big Nipples Big Buns Beautiful Buns Tiny Tummy Big Tummy Pregnant Tummy Long Legs Shaved Vulva Hairy Vulva Big Penis Small Penis Big Balls Slut Training Shaved Penis and Balls Threesomes Block Party Multiple Orgasm Love Fantasy much, much more!

[/one_half_last] Read More

Secret Sexual Fantasies Comments Off on Secret Sexual Fantasies

by Dr. Susan Block

What's your favorite secret sexual fantasy, the one you never talk about that always turns you on?  Your fantasies are always with you, playing hide-and-seek with your perceived realities, whispering wild ideas into your inner ear, showing movies in your mind, stirring your passions mysteriously, yet so powerfully. If you are imprisoned in any way--by your work, your family, your education, your religion, your government--your fantasies become your freedom. Sometimes your ability to fantasize is the only freedom you have.

Erotic Fantasy is the G-Spot of Your Mind

Where does fantasy end and reality begin? The English philosopher John Richter said, "Fantasy rules over two-thirds of the universe, the past and the future, while reality is confined to the present."

Fantasy--the original “theater of the mind”--makes up a huge portion of human consciousness. Memory, as it filters through the mind's eye, is a kind of fantasy that gazes backward, into the past. Hope, anticipation, fear and ambition are fantasies that look toward the future. Our sexuality is fueled by fantasies of the past and the future, as well as “pure” fantasies--wild dreams that never happened and that you never really want to have happen--that haunt and stimulate you like a kinky parallel universe.

A sexual fantasy can be a long, complicated story, a quick mental flash of erotic imagery or something in between. Whatever form it takes, it arouses your sexual feelings. As such, your favorite fantasy is the G-spot of your mind.

Experts agree that sexual fantasies are important, powerful and pervasive. But they can’t agree on much more about them. For every study that concludes that women or men fantasize one way, there’s another that concludes the opposite. If you look hard enough, you can find a study to prove any theory about sexual fantasies and another one to disprove it. Maybe this is because it is very difficult to measure fantasies except through questionnaires, and it is so easy and tempting to lie on questionnaires, especially when it comes to opening up about our deepest, darkest, most embarrassing, secret, sexual fantasies. Therefore, I will not use many studies to justify my points here. As a sex therapist with one of the largest private practices in the world and a sex-oriented radio and TV talk show host for over two decades, as well as an erotically-married woman for almost 18 years, I base my observations on my own professional and personal experience, which I believe is as good a “study” on fantasy as any.

Before we discuss where your secret fantasies come from and whether or not to share them with anyone, let’s take a look at some of the most common ones...

The Perfect Lover

The most popular sexual fantasies among men and women involve images of sex with a passionate, attractive, exciting partner who will do whatever you want, even if that means dominating you. Your Perfect Lover could be someone you know; it could even be your real-life partner. It could be someone you saw in class or at work but never talk to, a celebrity with whom you feel a connection, or a complete stranger you happened to face for two intense minutes in a crowded elevator. It could be someone that would be your ideal mate, if only you could be together. Or it could be someone very taboo: a relative, your best friend’s spouse, a MILF, a “bad” boy or girl, someone of whom you know your family would disapprove. Perfect Lovers run the gamut, but the universal characteristic is that you find this person irresistible and extremely satisfying, at least in fantasy.

Even very traditional ladies who prefer romance to porn enjoy the fantasy of the Perfect Lover. While such a scenario might involve nothing more than kissing, Perfect Lover fantasies can entail sexual intercourse in every position. Oral sex (giving or receiving) is a big favorite, followed by manual sex, anal sex (giving or receiving) and mutual masturbation. In addition to these basic physical sex acts, there are many other types of sex about which you might fantasize, especially if you feel deprived of a particular favorite activity. Your Perfect Lover will never deprive you…unless you have a deprivation fetish.

One popular variation on the Perfect Lover is what I call “Some Enchanted Evening”: sex with a sexy stranger. It’s not that I’m recommending sex with a real-life stranger, at least not without sheathing your body in a suit of latex armor, the shining armor of the knight of the 21st century, but the fantasy of sex with an exciting, attractive stranger is a delightful aphrodisiac that many women and men enjoy. One of the reasons these kinds of lovers are “perfect” is that you don’t know them at all.

It’s even more common to fantasize about your real-life lover, who may not be perfect, but must be pretty hot and is certainly familiar and easy enough to conjure up in the erotic theater of your mind. But because it’s a secret sexual fantasy, you might imagine something different than the usual. Maybe you fantasize that your real-life lover is aggressive even though he or she is usually passive, or that the two of you are being watched, or perhaps you imagine yourself watching your lover have sex with someone else. This brings us to the next most popular type of fantasy…

Two Perfect Lovers—Or More!

Double your pleasure, double your fun; sex with two lovers is more fun than one! The threesome is another very common sexual fantasy. It’s often associated with the male erotic imagination, and it’s certainly one of the most widespread male fantasies, invoking images of double-wived patriarchs and the pleasures of the harem. But women are catching up as it becomes more acceptable for us to admit we’d like to be with two hot men at once, or perhaps a man and another woman.

The male standard is sex with two women, of course--often a girlfriend and another lady. This sort of ménage à trois fantasy is flattering to your erotic ego and gives you a sex-educational glimpse into the secrets of lesbian sex. Of course, these are not man-hating lesbians; in fact, they love your penis!

More and more men now also confess that they fantasize about having a threesome with a woman and another man. The level of imagined physical intimacy can run the gamut from barely touching the man while you both focus on the woman all the way to the two men having intense sex while the woman simply watches or “directs.” You might also imagine watching the other man have his sexual way with your woman, with you as the “cuckold,” creating what I call the “sperm wars” effect, a competitive rise in your sperm count that arouses you even if you feel jealous and insecure.

Threesome fantasies can be so vivid, especially if one of the partners is your real-life lover, that many people try breathing life into them. The resulting reality spans from having a beautiful experience which enhances your relationship, as well as your sense of your sexual self, to an awful, awkward incident that hurts everyone involved. One thing is certain: Everything in any fantasy is “perfect” as far as your libido is concerned. Reality, however, is not quite so in tune with what turns you on, let alone what turns on your real-life partner or the third party.

A threesome can become an orgy, which is another common sexual fantasy. One way to keep sexual monogamy from becoming monotony is to maintain an active fantasy life with as many different partners as you can imagine. I happen to have a personal soft spot for real-life orgies, holding them regularly at my Institute, giving me and everyone here not just the chance to live out a common fantasy, but the opportunity to experience real-life communal ecstasy. But that’s the subject of another bloggamy and another Master’s Tea. Back to fantasy…

Bisexual Fantasies

Sometimes when you imagine a threesome with someone of the same sex, it’s a prelude to fantasizing about a more intimate, same-sex twosome. Or maybe the third opposite sex lover is just there for show, to “guide” or even “force” the two same-gender lovers to play with each other. Or maybe your erotic theater of the mind will just combine the male and female into one and imagine sex with a pre-op transsexual or shemale.

This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re truly gay, though it could. It more often means you’re truly bisexual, which I believe most of us are, and that your fantasy life is making up for what you repress in your real life. Just because you fantasize about having sex with someone of your gender doesn’t mean you ought to do it. Same sex fantasies can signify a lot of different things for people who lead mostly straight real lives--from seeking personal validation to breaking societal taboos.

It’s funny; it used to be much more taboo for women to admit to any kind of fantasies, except the kind revolving around love and “bodice-rippers,” a.k.a. romance novels. But now that more women are creating porn and erotica, making it more romantic--that is, story and character-driven--younger women are unabashedly eating it up. Modern ladies also seem to have an easier time accepting their bi-curious fantasies than most men do. There are various sociopolitical, cultural, psychological and physical reasons for this. Women know that most men are turned on by two women together, whereas it’s still a rare, very open-minded woman who enjoys two men together. Our society is more homophobic than lesbian-phobic. Then there are the real-life, physical risks which tend to be greater between men, since penetration is more often involved, than between women.

When fantasizing about sex with another female, most women imagine the other woman’s whole body: her breasts, buns, hair, lips (both pairs), clitoris, soft skin, seductive eyes, etc. When men fantasize about other men, they tend to focus on one part: the penis. Usually, they envision a big one. So Freud was wrong about “penis envy.” Women don’t have it; men do. At least, a lot of men do. Certainly, Freud himself did.

Even, perhaps especially, the outwardly homophobic male has gay fantasies. Why do you think a guy like that is so scared of gays “converting” straight men? Because in his fantasies, that’s exactly what happens: a hugely endowed male dominates him, forcing him to have sex—usually giving oral or taking anal--and he likes it, at least in fantasy (again, this doesn’t necessarily mean he’s truly gay). Masters & Johnson reported that heterosexuals often fantasize about homosexual encounters and vice versa, more often reflecting curiosity and other impulses than the desire to change the gender of one's real-life lovers. Norman Mailer went so far as to say that “There is probably no sensitive heterosexual alive who is not preoccupied with his latent homosexuality.” I would add “at some point in his life,” since such desires come and go.

Our society tends to make things black or white, good or bad, male or female, heterosexual or homosexual. But the human sexual imagination is most definitely bisexual, even what you might call omnisexual. When Edna St. Vincent Millay went to a doctor for her headaches, he suggested they might stem from “an occasional erotic impulse toward a person of [her] own sex.”

“Oh, you mean I’m homosexual?” Millay responded, “Of course, I am, and heterosexual too, but what’s that got to do with my headache?” Maybe that’s what the Pulitzer-prize-winning poet and Vassar girl meant when she wrote “my candle burns at both ends.”

Men are not from Mars, women are not from Venus. We’re all from the same beautiful, wild, sexual planet Earth, and we’re far more alike than we are different. Dr. Alfred Kinsey was among the first to show that we’re all on a bisexual continuum with absolute heterosexuals on one end and absolute homosexuals on the other end. Very few of us fall at one extreme or the other. That doesn’t mean we like both sexes equally at all times. It just means most of us can potentially, under the right circumstances (boarding school, prison, a desert island, etc.), with the right person (the Perfect Lover), be aroused by either gender. Certainly, we can, and often do, enjoy being “bi” in fantasy.

Surrender and Power Trips

Power and surrender, or “dominance and submission” (D/s) fantasies are quite common among both men and women. They seem to be gaining in popularity, but they're even older than the human race, probably flowing through the erotic minds of our bonobo and chimpanzee cousins. They can be crude or romantic, marvelous or dangerous. D/s fantasies may involve sadomasochism (S/M), bondage and discipline (B/D), an imagined abduction, a fantasy “rape,” spanking, whipping, tickling, torture, teasing, body worship and a host of other activities that may or may not entail actual sexual intercourse. In D/s fantasies, being “bad”--whether you are the nasty Dom or the naughty sub--feels really good. It’s another trick of the imagination that turns the “good” status quo on its head in order to turn you on.

It’s easy to understand why people enjoy dominating others. Power is a rush, especially in fantasy. You get to do whatever you want to the sex object of your dreams. What more could you desire? Many people pursue physical power over others in real life, often entering political, police or military careers. Others prefer to go on their power trips in their erotic imagination. Traditionally, “domination” is considered a male fantasy, probably most popular among young men who are relatively powerless in real-life society, even though they have testosterone-pumping energy to spare. But more and more women say they enjoy the fantasy of being dominant, “on top,” wielding a whip or even sprouting a penis (okay, Freud was right about some women) or other penetrative “weapon,” perhaps wearing a strap-on dildo in real-life sex.

But why do people long to submit? It’s certainly not all Stockholm Syndrome. As a therapist, I hear many more fantasies of submission than dominance, from both men and women. That’s partly because private therapy is expensive, and the men and women who can afford it tend to be successful professionals who dominate others in real life. Nature seeks a balance, often finding it through our fantasy life, making otherwise dominant people long to surrender, to be overwhelmed by someone else’s passion and power. In their erotic imaginations, and sometimes in a real-life role-playing session with a dominatrix, they surrender control for a brief period in their busy, power-packed day or week. They take a mini vacation from real life stress and the responsibility of being in charge, perhaps a time trip back into a childhood or adolescence under someone else’s control. Since society puts so much pressure on us to achieve--and achieving is hard work--deep in our secret erotic imaginations, many high-achievers long to surrender.

But there’s another, even more pervasive reason many people eroticize and even become addicted to submission: guilt. Forced surrender allows you to do something sexual without it being your “fault,” absolving you of guilt, at least in fantasy. No one likes to be raped in real life, of course, but the rape fantasy is extremely popular, as long as it’s being perpetrated by someone attractive. Usually, your fantasy rapist is a kind of Perfect Lover, someone you would actually be thrilled to have sex with in real life. But, in a rape fantasy, you give yourself the additional pleasure of resistance and the absolution of innocence (it’s the rapist’s fault, not yours!). Though, of course, it is your fantasy mind that creates the rapist and everything he or she does. For obvious reasons, the rape fantasy is most common among sexually repressed “good girls” and outwardly conservative men. It’s also an ego-boost to the sexually insecure, as it allows you to feel extremely desirable, so much so that your rapist finds you impossible to resist.

Whether you are being raped, ravished, abducted, tied up, spanked, teased, forced to dress like a slut or led around on a leash as the slave of a powerful, sexy Master or Mistress, in a submission fantasy, you get to be made to do or get what you secretly desire. So a foot fetishist will be “made” to worship feet, the nipple masochist “forced” to suffer extra painful nipple clamps and the panty lover “ordered” to put on the mistress’ knickers. Dominant/submissive scenarios may involve master/slave, goddess/supplicant, rapist/victim, boss/employee, teacher/student, parent/child, john/hooker, doctor/patient or guard/prisoner.

Men and women probably fantasize with equal passion about sexual surrender. But it’s still more socially acceptable for women (even feminist women) than it is for men, so men more often combine feelings of humiliation with submission. Politically incorrect as it may be, male submission fantasies often involve being dressed up in traditional, sensuous or “slutty” women’s clothes and called derogatory "sissy" names. This may or may not overlap with cross-dressing or transgender fantasies.

Keep in mind that some people have transgender fantasies that are not at all submissive; they really do feel that they were born into the body of the “wrong” gender, and their fantasies are sometimes a prelude to “becoming” the opposite sex in real-life through hormones, surgery and lifestyle changes. But very often, male transvestite fantasies aren’t about really wanting to be a woman; they’re about submission in the form of erotic degradation.

I could go on and on about the many different types of sexual surrender and submission that people enjoy. In love--as opposed to war, politics or business, where "surrender" conjures images of defeat and shame--surrender can be sweet and the ultimate, intimate fulfillment. The ancient Taoist masters said, "In yielding, there is strength." In surrender, there can be power--certainly sexual fantasy power.

Exhibitionism and Voyeurism

Another common fantasy combo is seeing and being seen, showing off and watching the show, exhibitionism and voyeurism. It’s not all visual; you can be an audio-voyeur who enjoys hearing someone talk “dirty,” and you can be an aural exhibitionist who gets off on telling your sex secrets to the world. But most exhibitionism and voyeurism is about the joy of the erotic gaze and the thrill of being gazed upon, breaking through the strong social taboo of visual privacy.

The entire porn industry is based on people’s voyeuristic desires to see otherwise forbidden images of other people engaged in sex. We love to watch. There are obviously enough people who love to be watched that there are plenty of porn stars and strippers. Those are extreme professions to be in, but in fantasy you can do it all and bare it all before thousands or in forbidden places. Marilyn Monroe is said to have had recurring dreams in which she stripped off all her clothes in a church as a stunned congregation silently worshipped her naked beauty.

With the advent of reality shows, erotic blogs and obsessive, sexy photo-posting on social networking communities, exhibitionism and voyeurism are busting through the erotic theater of the mind and into that half-way house between fantasy and reality: the media. More and more, natural exhibitionists are just making and posting their own porn, turning everyone on their “friend list” into voyeurs.

In our society, we tend to think of exhibitionism as female and voyeurism as male. After all, due to the hot politics of cold cash, most strip clubs have female performers for male customers and the great majority of straight sex magazines and websites have pictures of women for men to admire. You can post anything on the Internet but, still, women tend to be the ones who get paid for sex as a stripper, prostitute, porn star, mistress or other sexual performer. Whether this shows that women are dominant--making money doing what they already enjoy as they call their own shots--or submissive--allowing themselves to be exploited and made to do things they don’t like for the sake of money--depends on the woman. Likewise, whether “paying for it” shows that men are dominant--wealthy and powerful enough to pay and get what they want--or submissive--forced to pay because that’s the only way they’ll get what they need--depends on the man.

Most people would say the He-Pays-To-Watch-Her scenario is the natural relationship between male and female, but is it? In nature, it's usually the male of the species that's the exhibitionist, the classic example being the peacock. His sex drive programs him to strut his sexual stuff for the female who watches him voyeuristically and quite critically, deciding whether he'd make a good sex partner based largely on the beauty of his tail. Since there aren’t too many opportunities for men to sexually display themselves for women in our society, many men secretly fantasize about exhibitionism. They desperately want to show themselves off, with special emphasis on their taboo penises that are so forbidden everywhere except hardcore porn. In fact, there’s a fetish that is gaining in popularity on the Internet known by its initials CFNM: Clothed Female, Naked Male.

Animals and Angels

Your wild erotic nature may emerge in animal fantasies. Don’t worry, having animal sex fantasies doesn’t (usually) mean you want to have sex with animals in real life. You may just revel in the ultra-taboo, bestial wildness. Horses and dogs figure commonly in men’s bestiality fantasies which usually involve them submissively receiving sex from the animal or voyeuristically watching a woman engaged in sex with the animal. Female fantasies tend to involve the woman being the animal, often something in the wild “pussy” family, such as a lioness, tiger or cheetah. No wonder wildcat patterns are so popular in women’s fashion.

Of course, real-life bestiality is appalling to most people. But animal sex fantasies connect you to your animal nature, often freeing your mind from the all-too-human sexual oppression that lurks within you.

On the other end of the sexual fantasy spectrum lies the spiritual. Sacred sex. You might fantasize about an Eros angel with wings to take you flying. Dreams of flying are often considered symbols of orgasm. You might imagine a divine threesome with you, your lawfully wedded spouse and the all-embracing presence of God or the Goddess. Your sacred sex fantasies might be influenced by a religious upbringing, the Bible, the Koran, the Tao Te Ching or other spiritual teachings that elevate the sex act to something heavenly, such that you might imagine your sexual union as a cosmic merger of two souls becoming one. Religious people don’t tend to characterize their ideas about spiritual union as fantasies, but if the holy robe fits, wear it. Fantasies of sex with space aliens and superheroes go into the “angel” category, though some might be a bit more animal.

These are the most basic types of secret sexual fantasies. There are many more variations, and I’d love to hear some of yours. But first let’s answer a few fundamental questions about sexual fantasy, where it comes from and where it can take you.

Where Do Fantasies Come From?

Your fantasies begin in the cradle, perhaps even in the womb. By the time you reach your teens, they get really intense. Many of your erotic fantasies stem from early memories, the first images you find arousing. If for no other reason than constant proximity, these images often come through interactions with family: your mother's lingerie hanging on the clothesline, your father spanking you, catching your sister naked in the bathroom, your brother wrestling you to the ground. That's one reason why incest fantasies of all kinds are so common. But don't worry; just having incest fantasies doesn't mean you've ever really had incest or ever will.

It’s true that real-life incest victims and perpetrators tend to be preoccupied by such imagery, often arising from traumatic memories. But most people who have incest fantasies have never acted on them. Oedipus complex, anyone? Freud may have been off on penis envy, but he was right on the money shot when he theorized that Oedipus and Electra, Mommy and Daddy complexes, and other types of terribly taboo incest fantasies permeate the secret spaces of many of our erotic minds.

Of course, the family is not the only source of secret sexual fantasy. You might pick up images from friends, neighbors and school experiences, as well as from your favorite fairy tales, movies, TV shows and popular music, not to mention Internet porn. These early images are very powerful, because they impress themselves upon you when you're very impressionable. They become blueprints for your desire, repeating themselves in your memories and activating your imagination, infusing your natural sexuality with meaning and excitement. They alternately confuse, excite, please, comfort and torment you. And they become secret sexual fantasies.

Your erotic fantasies might be influenced by aspects of your early years that aren’t so obviously sexual. We human beings are masters at finding silver linings in black clouds, and we often do this through the “magic” of sexual fantasy. For instance, if you were very sick as a child and confined to bed, you might go on to fantasize about bondage or sensory deprivation. If you were abused or bullied when you were small, then later in life you might turn being bullied into something pleasurable and fantasize about erotic submission or humiliation. On the other hand, your fantasy mind might rather turn the tables on reality and eroticize domination.

What Are Fantasies Good For?

Sexual fantasies can be keys that unlock the doors of your repressed personal history. They can help you to cope with your real-life problems, just as your dreams do, though they tend to do it when you’re awake. They can help you work through past trauma or abuse, operating like an erotic painkiller on negative, hurtful memories. Of course, that can lead to other problems, such as wanting to act out the fantasy and perpetrate the abuse that you experienced onto someone else. But it doesn’t have to. Sexual fantasies and erotic dreams, especially when accompanied by orgasm and perspective (not necessarily in that order), can help to release the stress and trauma of the past. They can also help you relive good sexual memories. You appreciate this benefit of fantasy more as you get older. And no, you don’t have to act out anything in real life; you can keep your secret sexual fantasies and memories locked up in your mind for safekeeping.

But fantasies aren’t just about the past. They can also prepare you for the future. Fantasies can be hazy or detailed rehearsals in the erotic theater of the mind for sexual acts you haven't yet experienced. That’s probably a pretty common use of fantasy at Yale, or on any college campus. Just as athletes imagine playing and winning the Big Game before it actually happens, so you might imagine seducing or being seduced by your Perfect Lover before the Big Date--or the Big Hook-Up. Some Casanovas and Cleopatras combine fantasy with strategy to entice any partner they desire. This is part of the Mystery method that Matador represented at Sex Week at Yale in 2008. If you can dream it, you can do it.

On the other hand, your secret sexual fantasies can trip you up. Fantasies can be very perverse, enhancing your insecurity, even as they arouse your passions. If you tend to fantasize about being humiliated by people you desire, then you might have a hard time--so to speak--psyching yourself up in a positive way for a date with someone you’d like to impress.

Understandably, people often would like to get rid of troublesome fantasies. Maybe they fantasize about being embarrassed when they’d like to be confident, or having gay sex when they’d like to be straight, or doing their partner’s sister when they’d like to focus on their partner. But deleting a secret sexual fantasy from your mental hard drive is much easier said than done. In fact, it really can’t be done. Very often, the harder you try to banish a bad fantasy from your head, the more insidiously it will wrap itself around your every thought and feeling. You simply can’t control your fantasies, at least no better than you can control your dreams.

But your fantasies don’t have to control you either. Just because you imagine doing some crazy, kinky thing doesn’t mean you have to do it. You can’t control what you imagine. But you can, more or less, control what you do in real life. So don’t make like the Thought Police and bust yourself for your fantasies! Hold yourself accountable for your actions, not your thoughts. Your favorite, secret, sexual fantasy is a gift you can’t return, though sometimes, with time, it fades.

To Share or Not to Share?

Make friends with your fantasies. Don’t vainly attempt to control them, and maybe they won’t take control of you. Then you can use them as safe outlets for dark, naughty or forbidden desires that you can’t, or wouldn’t, want to live out--perhaps because you know that doing so would hurt you or someone you love. For some people, fantasies are great mental sex toys, interactive mind-movies, playgrounds for the libido. We grow up playing as children, but gradually all our games become serious and there’s very little playtime left in our adult lives. The erotic theater of the mind is a place for you to play. Do try to play safe, though that’s not always as simple as it sounds.

What about sharing? Opening up about otherwise secret sexual fantasies with your partner can make lovemaking more exciting. Sharing fantasies isn’t usually necessary when you first have sex together. So much is new in reality, your mind doesn’t have to go much farther than the present moment for stimulation. But after a while, when you’re in a long-term relationship, you get to know each other’s bodies so well that your mind is bound to drift…into fantasy. After all, there are only so many physical positions into which you can bend your bodies, but there is an endless array of mind-games you can play, or role-play. On the other hand, your secret sexual fantasy could hurt, anger, scare or disgust your lover. One person’s fantasy is another’s nightmare.

So, to share or not to share? It really depends on you, your partner and the fantasy. In other words: proceed with caution. Take baby steps…

If you've never shared a fantasy with your lover, and you'd like to try, start by sharing a memory, a thrilling erotic experience you actually had together. Reminisce about it in bed, then embellish the memory by imagining something that could have made the experience even more exciting. You can also stimulate the sharing of fantasies by reading or looking at erotica together. Be poetic, be explicit, be romantic, be outrageous, be honest, but be sensitive. Try tossing out small parts of your secret fantasies like test balloons; if it floats, keep embellishing; if you can see it sinking by your partner’s negative reaction, switch gears. It’s risky business, but nothing great in life comes without taking a chance. If you can share your fantasies with your lover, you can get to know each other deeply, weaving powerful strands of feeling into the fabric of your relationship, blending fantasies with memories and ever-expanding possibilities.

Your secret sexual fantasies evolve and change as you do. Of course, it’s your prerogative to keep them a secret. But if they haunt, obsess or hurt you in some way, it might be a good idea to share them with a sex therapist, if not your lover. Troublesome fantasies discussed and explored in a safe, enlightening but nonjudgmental manner tend to lose some of their obsessive, dangerous qualities. Sharing difficult, recurring fantasies with a good therapist might help you to put them in perspective, reducing their negative power over you, so you can make friends with your fantasies and learn to use them to release stress and come to terms with the many layers of your sexuality.

Need to Talk PRIVATELY about Your Secret Sexual Fantasies? Call The Dr. Susan Block Institute at 213-291-9497

Read More

Tease & Denial Phone Sex Therapy Comments Off on Tease & Denial Phone Sex Therapy

Call Us Now: [callus]

Do you like to be teased? Does it arouse you to be made to wait for that sweet moment of release?  Or would you rather do the teasing, prolonging your seduction to make the object of your desire crazy with lust for you?  What is it that can make the art of "tease and denial" so irresistible, it's as if it weaves a magic spell around its helpless, happy victim? Everyone needs a little tease, at least sometimes.  Men need to be teased because it makes them slow down. Women need to be teased because it makes us come around.  Teasing puts the pizzazz and mystery into sex.  Otherwise, we’d just be rutting animals.  Even animals tease!  Look at the stop-start, pounce-retreat mating dances of birds, cats, apes, even snakes. A good tease is erotic but indirect, slowly building up to total seduction and surrender. As that consummate strip tease artist Gypsy Rose Lee once said, “Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.”  A great tease has all the time in the world. And with a great tease, you never know if you’re going to get the gold you’re going for.  You might, but then again you might not.  You have to be flexible with a tease.  You have to remember the Golden Rule of TeaseYou never know.  The best laid plans may not get you laid the way you planned.  You have to be willing to go with the tease, please… Teasing wears a variety of masks and hats.  There is the innocent tease who doesn’t even know she’s a tease, and is all the more devastating for it.  There’s the experienced tease who spins her webs of seduction with great skill and sensitivity.  I say “her” because, though men can tease too, teasing is a feminine wile.  It is manipulative and circuitous, womanly attributes.  Some teasing is spontaneous, light as a feather.  Some teasing is calculated, steeped in the art of salacious sorcery.  Some teasing is loving and sweet, almost nurturing, like tickling a baby.  Some teasing is playful and charming, dazzling and devastatingly witty.  Some teasing is mean and nasty, even vicious and cruel.  Teasing can also be humiliating and torturous.  And some teasing really hurts.  Rapes, murders, even MASS murders have been committed by people—even children--who say they did it because  they were teased.  Teasing can be dangerous.  It can be quite harmless too, of course.  That is why we say “I’m just teasing!” to insist we’re harmless.  But it is the dangerous aspects of teasing that make it erotic.  That, and the sensuous nature of revealing something slowly, gradually, then maybe not at all, then maybe a little more.  It is too dangerous to show more.  Too hot to handle.  That is the Art of the Tease.

One of the greatest teases of history, believe it or not, is Queen Esther of the Bible. The shrewd and seductive Esther of Shushan, in what is now Iran, teased the great and powerful Persian King Ahasuerus into such an erotic frenzy that he freed her people from genocide.  Queen Cleopatra of Egypt was also a great tease; it was her extraordinary teasing ability that kept the Romans guessing and ultimately kept Egypt governed by its own people (that is, herself) until her death.

In modern times, teasing is the stuff of stars, Marilyn Monroe being the most legendary tease.  Bettie Page, sometimes called the Dark Marilyn, was also a most delicious tease. Now Dita Von Teese continues the legacy of the tease.  I was privileged to have Bettie Page as a guest on my show a few years ago--with Dita (when she was an 18-year-old Heather Sweet) in my studio audience!  Though Bettie spoke with me on the air for over an hour, she refused to show her face.  What a tease.  She said she wanted us to think of her the way she was, forever young and beautiful; she wanted control of her image.

And, yes, teasing is about control.  Once you lose control, you’re not teasing anymore. It’s tough to tease when you're in mid-orgasm.  Once the orgasm is on, the tease  is over....unless you're a really good tease.

Does all this talk about teasing make you yearn to be teased?

Call the telephone sex therapists of The Dr. Susan Block Institute for Tease and Denial Phone Sex Therapy. Whether you're looking to be teased yourself by one of our sweet, charming, experienced, degreed and/or deliciously cruel sex therapists, if you're in need of some teasing advice to seduce that someone you've been wanting for a while, or if you want to better understand, explore, express, limit and/or control your desire for tease and denial, we're here  for you 27/7. We are the world's foremost experts in the fine art of tease and denial.  Call now at [callus]

Read More

Tickle Fetish Phone Sex Therapy (0)

Call Us Now [callus]

Do you like tickling?  Do you relish tickling a lover until he or she is breathless with laughter and writhing in pain and joy? Or would you rather be tickled, forced to surrender, gasping for mercy, to the wild fingers of a hot lover, until you can’t help but orgasm in ticklish ecstasy?

Our Tickle Fetish Phone Sex Therapists are here to help you talk about, understand, explore, cope with—and indulge in—your tickling fantasies. For information, call [callus]

What’s so special about the teasing, titillating touch of tickling?

Tickling can be a type of “horseplay,” torture, silly sexy fun, deep power exchange, sensual exploration, stimulation or humiliation.  Maybe you like to hold a sexy submissive down, take her by surprise, or tie her up and tickle-torture her until she laughs, shrieks, cries and begs for relief. Or perhaps you’d like to be subdued and tortured with tickles on the most sensitive, ticklish parts of your body.  Whether it’s the tempting curve of a waist, the soft tummy, inviting underarm, flirtatious feet, the vulnerable inner thighs, or the tantalizing nape of the neck, giving up power and being at the mercy of naughty fingers or devious feathers is a kind of physical and mental submission, as well as an intimate display of trust between partners.

 Unfortunately, some people can’t stand being tickled.  Others aren’t ticklish at all, and what fun is that?  Some think tickling is for kids, or they just don’t “get it.”  Naturally, this makes many tickle fetishists rather shy about sharing their fetish with others, fearing rejection or misunderstanding.

Here at the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences, we “get it.” We understand and love to explore the erotic pleasures of tickling. To talk to a Tickle Fetish Phone Sex Therapist right now, call [callus]. We’re here to talk anytime.

Childhood tickle games are usually the first times we experience that crazy “tickle high,” the endorphin-raising ecstasy of pleasure mixed with heightened tension bordering on pain that comes with being tickled, as well as the heady power rush of being the tickler.  Adult tickling can bring back those erotic memories as well as give both tickler and ticklee that wild and free feeling of being a child again (without involving any real-life children, of course).

Tickling has been an aspect of sex since prehistoric times.  Bonobos, dogs, cats and other mammals often tickle each other as they play, sometimes as a kind of foreplay for sex.  The ancient Indian Kama Sutra waxes eloquently about the sexual joys of tickling.   While the Chinese, Japanese and ancient Romans would use tickling as a form of genuine torture, the Victorians appreciated tickling for its erotic capacity; being tied up and tickled to a kind of ticklegasm was an extremely common fantasy, as well as a specialty of the better Victorian bordellos.  Famous tickle-lovers from history include the Egyptian Queen Hatshepsut and Russian Empress Catherine the Great who are said to have enjoyed having their royal feet tickled ritually before and during sex. It’s no wonder that a hot body writhing and wriggling uncontrollably under a barrage of tickles remains a steamy dream for many fetishists.

So…what about you?  Need to talk about ticking?  Want to get important, enlightening insight into your personal tickle fetish or learn how to introduce tickling games to your spouse or potential lover?  Need to work through your fears or shame about tickling?  Or perhaps you would like to experience a phone sex fantasy role-play tickle-torture session—giving or receiving.  Our tickle fetish phone sex therapists have their fingers ready! Call [callus] right now or anytime you’re ready to tickle or be tickled.

Read More

What to talk about side1 (0)

EROTIC PLEASURES Call Phone Sex Therapy Pure Uncensored PHONE SEX Straight Phone Sex Lesbian Phone Sex Gay Phone Sex Bisexual Phone Sex Transsexual Phone Sex Threesome Phone Sex Cuckold Phone Sex Orgasmic Phone Sex Bukkake Phone Sex Kinky Phone Sex Intelligent Phone Sex Sensuous Phone Sex Romantic Phone Sex Personalized Phone Sex Strip Tease Hot Girls Masturbation Fantasy Roleplay Hot Chat Fellatio Cunnilingus Fingering Hot Sexual Intercourse Doggy Style Woman on Top Missionary Position Analingus (rimming) Anal Sex Goddess Worship Sadomasochism Bondage & Discipline Phone Bondage Swinging Dressing Up Abduction Fantasy Medical Fantasy Smoking Intruder Fantasy Leather Latex Lady Boys Rubber Fur Foot Fetish Water Sports Female Ejaculation Frottage Erotic Teasing Nipple Play Crossdressing Spanking Catfight Fantasy Domination Surrender Hot Dirty Nasty Talk Romance Lingerie Play High Heels Boots Stockings Pantyhose She-Male Fantasy Panties Jealousy Fantasies Underwater Sex Vibrator Play Dildo Play Butt Plug Play Group Sex Fantasy Slave Training Cuckold Fantasy Presidential Sex Genital Torture Exhibitionism and Voyeurism Cannibal Fantasy Satanic Fantasy Infantile Fantasy Shoe Worship Interracial Sex Playing Doctor Beach Party Consensual Gangbang Celebrity Fantasy Girl Next Door Boy Next Door Horny Housewife Next Door Mother Fantasy Father Fantasy Childhood Fantasy Teenage Fantasy Rape Fantasy Hermaphrodite Fantasy Orgy Corsetry Muscle Woman Pregnant Fantasy Mênage à Trois Flagellation Cum Fetish AutoFellatio Fantasy Felching Fantasy Food and Sex Shaved Genitals Shaved Bodies Animal Sex Fantasies Golden Showers Brown Showers Erotic Enemas Fisting Wet on Wet Queening Gag Fantasy Piercing Wrestling Fantasies Tantric Sex Play Weight Training Sensory Deprivation Sensory Enhancement Tickling Science Fiction Fantasies Vampire Fantasies Incest Fantasies Bondage Fantasies Nurse Fantasies Tattoos Small Breasts Big Breasts Big Nipples Big Buns Beautiful Buns Tiny Tummy Big Tummy Pregnant Tummy Long Legs Shaved Vulva Hairy Vulva Big Penis Small Penis Big Balls Slut Training Shaved Penis & Balls Threesomes Block Party Multiple Orgasm Love Fantasy & much, much more… Read More

Foot Fetish Therapy (0)

 

 DO YOU LOVE FEET? Need to Talk About Your Foot Fetish? Call The Foot Sex Therapists of The Dr. Susan Block Institute. We have Phone Sex Therapists, Sext Therapists & WebCam Sex Therapists Practicing Our Unique Technique of Foot Fetish Phone Sex Therapy, including Foot Play Philosophy, Podophiliac Psychology, Foot Fetishism, Foot Hedonism, Foot Worship, Foot Fantasy, Boots, High Heels, Nylons, Pantyhose, Stockings, Fishnets, Dominance & Submission, Foot Tickling, Foot Bondage, Toe Sucking, Arch Sniffing, Sole Licking, Giantess, Crush, Squish, Trampling, Foot Cuckolding, Foot Massage, Shrimping Cocktails, Grape Stomping, Tequila Toe Shots, French Pedicures & Footsie

Call 213-291-9497 We're Just a Phone Call Away Right Now or Anytime. We're Always Here For You 24/7.

Learn to seduce your lover "feet first" ! Explore the sexual nature of feet and foot fetishism Learn the nature of your particular fetish for feet, toes, arches, ankle, legs, stockings, pantyhose, nylons, fishnets, shoes or boots. Develop Foot Fetish Coping Mechanisms Learn how to enjoy your foot fetish with your partner Discover the pleasure of giving and receiving "toegasms" Even if you don't have a foot fetish, you'll love our philosophy of feet! Read Feet: A Love Story

Wanna Play Footsie? Call Now: 213-291-9497 Want to See Our Best-Selling FOOT FETISH PRIMER on DVD, Download or Stream? Ask For It When You Call . Call Now!

Read More

Feet A Love Story Comments Off on Feet A Love Story

by Susan M Block, PhD

What is it about some people's feet that makes other people wild with desire? Who is a foot fetishist? A foot hedonist? A foot lover?

Feet are two of the most denigrated parts of the human body. We literally step on them all day. Rarely pleasured, often overworked, we walk, run, hike, dance and jump on our feet. Indeed, our feet are the slaves or pack mules of the rest of our bodies. Yet feet can command tremendous passion in some people. There are Leg Men, Breast Men, Bun Men, and there are Feet Men (or maybe it's Foot Men). But unlike breasts, legs and buns, the charms of feet are rarely examined, except by podiatrists, pedicurists, foot fetishists, foot hedonists and shoe salesmen.

Though my doctorate's in philosophy, not podiatry, I've studied the pleasures of feet for many years in my famous Foot Fetish Salons, as well as through my radio, TV and Internet shows, my private sex therapy practice and in my own personal life. Why feet? I love to explore love in all its many splendored aspects, and the foot is an aspect of love. After all, even if you're not "into" feet, if you love someone, you love them head-to-toe, right?

The first part of my body I let my husband Max touch was my feet. Now that we're married, there isn't a part of me that he hasn't touched (well, I won't let him pick my nose). But during our courtship, I wanted to take it slow, so I wouldn't let him move his horny hands much above my knee. But I did let him play with my feet, and oh, how he played with my feet! He caressed my ankles, massaged my arches, kissed my soles and sucked my toes; he literally made love to my feet. And my feet fell in love with him. And even now that we're married and having all kinds of sex, there's a very special relationship between Max and my feet.

Foot Fetish Types

Before I get more personal, let's return to our general discussion of foot fetishism. According to most experts (as well as my own informal but extensive research), it's mostly males who are aroused by female feet. Of course, gay and bisexual male foot fetishists do like men's feet, sometimes quite intensely. And some lesbians are turned on by women's feet. As for straight women, they might be turned on by a man's feet, and several ave deeply enjoyed pleasuring their male partners' feet at our Foot Fetish Salons. But women very rarely lust after men's feet, at least not to the fetishistic extent that so many guys lust after ladies' feet. Thus, when I speak of foot fetishists, I usually refer to them as male.

What do foot fetishists like about feet? Preferences for foot types vary. Some crave big giantess feet, though most go for small and dainty. Some like dirty feet, though most prefer clean. Some like feet of a particular race, tanned feet, athletic feet, high arches, polished toe nails, high heels, leather boots, sandals, stockings, toe cleavage or toe rings. Some adore massaging, pampering and pedicuring feet. Others want to be walked on. There are foot-lickers, toe-suckers, heel-sniffers, arch-ticklers and Imelda Marcos types just into shoes. Some go for stockings, often relishing the powerful aroma of just-worn nylons. Some couples do 69, but instead of having oral sex, they suck each other's toes. Some guys love to masturbate against a woman's foot, or use her big toe like a butt plug. Others are into foot bondage; they like to tie feet up and torture or tickle them.

Still others are "crush" or "squish" fetishists. They like to watch women step in things, or on things like grapes, jello, dolls, bugs. Their ultimate fantasy is to be mashed under the foot of a "50-foot woman," but since that - if it were possible - would be terminal, they satisfy their lust by voyeuristically watching ladies' feet wreak destruction on other crushable items. Usually these items are inanimate objects, fruits, vegetables or eggs, though occasionally they can involve crushing living creatures such as insects or mice. This is where I personally draw the line, as it involves torturing and killing defenseless animals. Though I do love the crush-lovers who keep their fetish to fruits and veggies. I've had tremendous fun stomping on grapes or squishing my toes through cake and then letting a foot lover or two lick and suck it all off.

Foot Lovers vs. Foot Fetishists

What makes a foot lover a foot fetishist? Both the intensity and exclusivity of the desire. If you'd rather have sex with your lover's feet than any other body parts, or if you must focus on feet to reach orgasm, or if you'd usually rather screw a shoe than a person, you're a foot fetishist. The technical term is "podophiliac." If you are turned on by attractive feet or sexy shoes, but your sexuality doesn't completely revolve around them, you're more what I'd call a foot lover, a foot appreciator, or maybe you just playing footsie. You don't have to be a certifiable foot fetishist to appreciate feet, or to enjoy having your feet appreciated.

In the classic sense, a "fetishist" invests god-like magical powers into the fetish object. The true foot fetishist objectifies, glorifies and downright deifies the foot, or shoe, or the foot in the shoe, with or without the stocking, being licked, caressed, massaged, worshipped, tickled, bedecked in jewels or stepping on something squishy.

Roots of a Foot Fetish

Why do foot fetishists fetishize feet? For as many different reasons as there are different foot fetishists. But typically, fetishes begin in early childhood. As a toddler toddles and crawls, exploring the world, feet are often the first part of Mommy that he encounters. There is a theory that says that if a mother doesn't pick up and hold a child very often, his main physical contact with her will be with her feet; thus, he is more likely to develop a foot fetish. This is by no means a hard and fast rule, just a theory.

Intense childhood experiences with the feet of other relatives, like older sisters or cousins, as well as friends and, most notoriously, babysitters, may also lead one to become a foot fetishist. Mothers, beware the babysitter with the pretty pedicured toes, strappy sandals and an attitude; she may inspire your child to like feet! On second thought, what's so terrible if your kid likes feet? You could do worse. As long as he's capable of love - and if you love him, hold him and give him affection, he'll probably be capable of love - what difference does it make if he's into feet or breasts, armpits or elbows?

But what about those foot fetishists who are so obsessed with feet that they truly can't get above the ankle, and love a whole human being? One reason fetishists become *obsessed* is they feel that their interest in feet is wrong. Whenever we feel that something we crave sexually is wrong or shameful, it becomes ultra-exciting in a naughty way. But it also becomes frustrating and disturbing, as we can't integrate it into our everyday lives. Ultimately, it makes us feel bad about ourselves, sometimes even incapable of love. Most sex criminals have desires they feel ashamed of. Even if you've never done anything illegal, if you're deeply ashamed of your sexuality - whether you're a foot fetishist or just a garden variety sex maniac - your love life is bound to be troubled.

Sharing Your Foot Fetish with Someone You Love

So many foot fetishists are married to women with whom they never share their desire. Why not? They're ashamed to reveal their true feelings. And the real shame is that some of their wives would enjoy a nice foot rub or foot licking, if it's presented well. They might even enjoy wearing fetishistic shoes or stockings. They might even be closet "foot hedonists." But their husbands view their own erotic interest in feet as something perverted that they couldn't possibly share with someone they love.

If you have a foot fetish, I hope you can share it with someone you love. Some men are adamantly against this. They wouldn't want to share their foot fetish with their wives even if their wives wanted them to. Their foot fetish is an obsessive masturbatory interest, something they would only share with a therapist, phone sex worker, prostitute or dominatrix, not a wife or girlfriend. These men generally feel tremendous shame about their feelings and are afraid to share them with someone they really care about. They can be mortally afraid of being rejected by wives or girlfriends for being "perverted" or having a "fetish."

There are simple, effective ways of introducing your foot fetish to the lady in your life without much risk of rejection or humiliation. You probably shouldn't call it a "fetish" that sounds kind of scary to most people. But you can use creative and sensuous ways to integrate your favorite forms of foot play into your lovemaking.

For example, if you've just gone on a long hike with a lady, offer to give her a foot massage. Most women won't refuse a nice foot rub. You might wash her feet first, if they're sweaty and you prefer clean feet. Foot washing is a sensuous, loving activity. Even Jesus washed the feet of his disciples before the Last Supper. As you massage her toes, you can tell her how beautiful they are. If she reacts well to the compliment, try going further. Give her big toe a little kiss. Seduce her feet gradually, and they will fall in love with you. That's how my own feet fell in love with my Max, and the rest of me soon followed.

What About Shoes and Boots?

A fetish for shoes or boots also tends to be conditioned in early childhood or adolescence, just like the fetish for feet and most other things.. By the way, the shoe fetish is not limited to humans. At least one male chimpanzee raised in captivity developed a bit of a shoe fetish, masturbating obsessively by rubbing his caretaker's leather boot. Boot Time for Bonzo, indeed.

High heels are the most fetishized type of shoe. They began with Catherine de Medici, a 16th century Italian who married Henry II of France. The petite Catherine had shoes custom-designed to give her height, starting a high heel rage among the French. A fetish often starts as a fashion. High heels go both ways. They started as a fashion in the 1700s, and became a fetish, probably around the 1800s. But then fetishistic shoes often become quite fashionable, sometimes worn by young ladies who don't have the slightest idea that they are wearing objects of intense fetishistic desire on their innocent feet.

Submissive men find the extremely spiked heel menacingly arousing, like a lethal feminine weapon. Sadomasochistic pictorials often show a woman's stiletto resting on the neck or genitals of a submissive male. A shoe slave might adore the smell of the leather shoe mixed with a woman's foot smell. He might enjoy licking his mistress's boots or crave being humiliated by having a shoe strapped around his face or a high heel "force" into his anus.

Dominant men also tend to like high heels, but for totally different reasons. A dominant male might like the way that high heels alter a woman's posture, creating a more dramatic curve of the spine that makes her butt and calves seem rounder, her thighs seem thinner, her breasts stick out, and gives her hips that sexy sway when she walks. This precarious "wiggly walk" appeals to the traditional man's desire to protect a fragile woman, or maybe to pounce on her. After all, how far can she run? Those first Italian leather heels were so difficult to maneuver in that male escorts had to carry high-heeled ladies up and down stairs. High heels are much easier to walk in nowadays, and they still have a way of compelling a gentleman to be gallant or aggressive. Many men and women are aroused by frailty in the object of their desire. Politically incorrect as it may be, this is part of our prehistoric predatory attraction to the weak, and it underlies the feeling of power that many men feel when they see a woman in precarious high heels.

Many foot fanciers love sandals, combining the leather shoe with naked toes. The sandal fetish is as old as the Bible. "How beautiful are thy feet in sandals" is a line from the erotic lovers' dialogue in The Song of Songs, attributed to King Solomon who is said to have had 1000 wives. That's 2000 feet, 10,000 toes - wow, there must have been some bill from the palace pedicurist!

Bound Feet

The Chinese have had the longest, most controversial love affair with feet. Foot-binding was practiced from the T'ang Dynasty in the 10th century through the 1930's. A girl's feet were first bound at age five or so, continuing until they quit growing at around 18. This resulted in a foot about 2" wide and 4" long, with a very soft curved sole that made walking extremely difficult. There are a few theories about the popularity of foot-binding. The binding of a woman's feet certainly made her more dependent and, as mentioned, many men are aroused by feminine fragility. Indeed, bound feet were a status symbol, like the aristocratic Chinese man's long fingernails; both handicaps attributed to the wealthy, leisurely life.

There were various erotic purposes for these soft bowed little feet, crippled as they were. Women masturbated by rubbing their feet together. Lesbians maneuvered their feet into each other's vaginas. Men indulged in licking these podophilic delicacies, being brought to orgasm by a woman's curved arches, and performing fellatio on her big toe. Well, I suppose there are a few odd benefits to bound feet, but, all in all, I prefer being able to walk.

It isn't only the old Chinese that appreciate "bound feet"; Many Western foot fetishists enjoy tying up a woman's pretty feet, often in intricate ways, such as with toes tied apart. A foot sadist would like to torture the lady's feet. A tickle fetishist would prefer to tickle the feet, perhaps with his fingers or some other tickling instrument. A milder, more sensuous form of foot-tickling may be done with a feather. Sadistic foot-ticklers derive pleasure from tickling a victim's feet until he or she is gasping for breath or screaming with laughter. For a tickler, the sounds of the lady's shrieks and giggles are just as arousing as the sight of her helpless feet.

Foot Hedonism

As for me, I am what I call a "foot hedonist." I love to have my feet pleasured, in part, because I step all on them all the time, squeezing them into heels, dancing all over them, and it feels so good to have them treated well. I have also noticed that the best foot love makes the rest of me feel better too. I enjoy having my feet bathed, massaged, rubbed with oil, kissed and adored. Sometimes the pleasure does involve considerable pain, as in when I get my feet massaged, though the end result of a good result massage is a tremendous feeling of release, comparable to the release one feels after orgasm. I call myself a foot hedonist because - orgasmic pleasure or healing pain - I enjoy having erotic attention paid to my feet.

Foot hedonists like me are often attracted to foot lovers like Max. If you're a sensuous foot fetishist, you would do well to seek out a foot hedonist who would appreciate your interest in feet. But to serve a foot hedonist well, you must be sensitive to the needs of her feet, not just totally wrapped up in your own foot fetish.

Foot Massage

Whether you're a true foot worshipper or just an average sex fiend, foot massage is a superb aphrodisiac. Often, when I think I'm too tired or tense for sex, all Max has to do is massage my little tootsies and I get wetter and hotter than an oil slick in August.

Foot massage is also a great way to be sensual without getting directly sexual on a date. As a first move, it's pretty rude for a dude to say "May I squeeze your breasts?" But it's quite all right to say "May I give you a foot massage?" Especially if you've just gone out dancing. And it's good for you! Reflexology and shiatsu are massage systems based upon the tiny electrical reflexes on the bottoms of your feet which correspond to parts of your body. When you massage one of these pressure points, you stimulate the analogous body part with healing energy.

It's an excellent tension releaser. Sometimes screamingly so. When Max massages my toes after a stressful day, I shriek to high heaven! Max doesn't just rub my feet; he rolfs them; the neighbors probably think he beats me. Sometimes I feel obliged to yell: "He's not beating me! He's massaging my feet!" It's kind of embarrassing, but truly amazing. When I have a headache or stomach ailment, it usually vanishes when Max massages my feet. Then he gets aroused, and we have sex.

Here's a helpful hint for footlickers: If you want to suck your lover's toes, but she's just too ticklish to take it, try massaging her foot first. This tends to relax it so it won't go into shock when it goes in your mouth. Sometimes, when I'm getting my big toe rubbed and sucked just right, I have a positively orgasmic response. I call it a "toegasm." And if Max is pleasuring my foot while I'm masturbating, I have an orgasmic-toegasmic climax that takes me over the moon and a few other planets as well.

For a sensual foot massage, use oil or lotion. Every foot lover has a favorite lubricant. Baby oil, almond oil, aloe vera cream are a few popular foot lubricants. Mary Magdalene used myrrh on Jesus' feet. Try flavored oil so you can suck your lover's toes after rubbing. Foot pleasuring is an ancient art. And foot massage is one of the most perfect safe sex activities; it's healthy, sexy and doesn't involve an exchange of body fluids - unless your feet are really sweaty.

Smelling and Tasting the Feet

Speaking of sweat, foot-sniffing excites many foot lovers. Some foot-sniffers like it because it smells really good, while others want feet to smell really "bad." For shoe enthusiasts, the smell of the shoe - that heady mixture of sweat and leather or rubber - can be extremely arousing.

Smelling, of course, can lead to eating. Max loves eating various foods off of my feet. I cover my toes with caviar and sour cream, chocolate syrup or honey, and he licks it right up, savoring each saucy digit. His favorite podophilic cuisine is toes dipped in cocktail sauce with fresh shrimps in between, a succulent hors d'oeuvre before a full meal of sex. Since "shrimping" is slang for toe-sucking, we call this a "shrimping cocktail." At our Foot Fetish Salons, we'll have shrimping cocktails and "Tequila Toe Shots": rub salt and lime on the toes, then suck them off and down your shot. Olé!

Toe-Sucking

Many foot fetishists are into toe-sucking. If you're into feet, then there's just something inherently suckable about a toe. Is it because toe-sucking is akin to sucking a large nipple? Or a small penis? For some men, sucking a lady's big toe is a surrogate for sucking another man's big cock. These men might have homoerotic oral desires that, for one reason or another, they can't or just don't express with men. They channel their desire to be with a man into the sucking of a woman's toe. Does this mean that a man who enjoys sucking women's toes "should" be sucking a man's cock? Maybe, maybe not; it depends on the individual.

Foot Slavery

What about foot slaves? A foot slave - usually a he; sometimes a she - loves to be at the feet of his mistress or master, considering this to be his proper place in life. He surrenders himself - body, mind and soul - to his mistress's feet, with or without the shoes or stockings, depending on the preferences of the mistress and slave. Of course, a woman's foot is literally the lowest part of her body. Kissing her foot can be humiliating, which is part of the thrill. Since ancient times, the kissing of the foot has been a sign of submission. The foot slave is happy to humble himself like that, to kiss her foot, even the bottom of her shoe, while groveling before her, lying prostrate on the ground, as low as he can go.

Some foot slaves enjoy having the mistress walk on them, sometimes in spiked heels, as if to say, "I'm only worthy of being trampled beneath your feet." A mistress might kick her foot slave if he's "bad," demand he clean her boots with his tongue, or give her a pedicure. If he does a good job, she could reward him by rubbing his throbbing member with the soft sole of her foot, or placing it between her heel and backless slipper.

Some foot slaves exhibit a reverent devotion to the feet of their mistress, their goddess. Their worship is only partly sexual. Some adhere to über-feminist philosophies; believing women to be superior to men. They feel that since most women are not as violent as most men, males need to feel the controlling influence of a female foot on them every so often. The feminist male foot slave surrenders himself to the civilizing, sexual power of Woman via his mistress' foot or boot, going beyond roleplay into sexual politics. With a philosophy like that, it seems that every feminist should have a foot slave! And every feminist could; there are more than enough foot slaves to go around.

Playing Footsie

Foot fetishism can be a very serious matter. But feet can be fun. Feet can be sweet. Who hasn't played the piggies game? Some people enjoy foot sex just because it's not serious, but kind of silly and childlike, much more innocent than adult genitalia. Max likes to talk to each of my toes as he plays with them, treating all ten as individual "girls" with distinct personalities. He handles them like puppets in a Punch & Judy Show with the rest of my foot as the stage. Maybe he should do an act: A Foot Lover & His Favorite Foot...

Foot hedonists like me tend to be playful with our feet. Sometimes, I use my feet like I might use my hands to play with, stroke and even spank Max while we make love. I like to caress his muscular butt with my foot while he goes down on me, and give it a good foot-spanking when I want him to lick me faster.

Whew, all this foot talk is making my toes curl!

I hope this essay has shed some light on your podophilic interests. If you want to attend our next Foot Fetish Salon, coming soon to the Dr. Susan Block Institute, or if you'd just like to find out more about your personal foot fetish, drop me a line or call me at [callinfo].

In the meantime...Love your feet. Love your life. I love you.

Read More

Anal Phone Sex Therapy Comments Off on Anal Phone Sex Therapy

Need to Talk about Anal Sex or Butt Play? Call Us Now: [callus]

by Dr. Susan Block.

Are you interested in anal sex?

Do you have unfulfilled anal desires you long to explore? A compelling anal fantasy you’d like to roleplay? Do you want to penetrate your own or your partner’s beautiful butthole… but you just don’t know how, or even where to begin? Want to “do it yourself” to yourself, but not sure how best to do it?

Do you enjoy watching anal sex in porn, but find really having anal sex to be frustratingly different? Have you had a negative anal sex experience? Do you want to know how to make anal sex better next time?

Need to get some facts and advice about anal cleanliness and the safer sex aspects of anal play? Need to know what lube to use? How slow to go?

Want to experience analingus?

What about the best butt plugs, dildos, vibrators, anal beads, strap-ons for premium pegging, shaving cream cans, cucumbers and other fun items for optimal anal play?

Looking for anal relaxation techniques—mental or physical? Do you do your sphincter kegels? Interested in learning the finer pleasures and health benefits of P-Spot stimulation or prostate massage?

Curious about the connections between anal desire and sexual orientation?

Want to find out how to give yourself or your partner an analgasm?

Looking to combine anal sex with spankingtickling, butt bondage or other forms of posterior play?

Fantasizing about having rough, unprotected, forced anal sex? That’s obviously not okay to do in real life, but how about exploring the fantasy during a phone sex fantasy roleplay session? Want to explore auto-anal play through Guided Masturbation or Erotic Hypnosis?

Do you have an anal secret you feel it’s about time you shared privately with someone you can trust?

Call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute. It’s absolutely private and confidential, you can talk about anything and yes, of course, you can masturbate, if you want, during sessions, and no there is no sex therapy or phone sex service quite like ours. Call us anytime you need to talk: 213.291.9497

Anal: The Final Frontier

Many consider anal sex to be the “final” physical taboo.

Whether or not you do, anal sex can be a deliciously pleasurable taboo … if you approach it in just the right way for you.

Contrary to popular belief, the anus is a two-way street. At least, it can be.

No, the anus is not technically a “genital” organ like the vulva, vagina, penis and testicles, but the mouth isn’t technically a genital organ either, and kissing and oral sex feel good. Therefore, it’s perfectly normal and natural for someone of any gender to experience pleasure from anal touch.

Lined with exquisitely sensitive nerve endings, the anus allows stimulation, penetration and other forms of anal play to feel just heavenly, if performed properly.

Just like the key to real estate is “location, location, location,” the key to great anal intercourse is “lubrication, lubrication, lubrication.”

 

So…. conquer your irrational fears, embrace the forbidden erogenous zone and open up that long-locked Back Door!

Or at least, talk about it with someone who can help…

Anal Outercourse

Even if you’re very eager to engage in anal intercourse, you should probably start with outercourse.

This is true even if you’re engaging in anal self-penetration, and especially if you’re interested in anal intercourse with a partner.

Anal “outercourse” includes rubbing, tickling, spanking and playing on the outer, “puckered up” area of the anus, without penetration.

Start lightly and teasingly, slowly increasing your or your partner’s comfort with being touched around the anal area. This helps you to appreciate its exquisite and tender sensitivity.

If you are the anus “owner,” it tends to be your responsibility to make your anus as clean as possible for the occasion (unless you both have a fetish for being literally “dirty,” which isn’t very sanitary and can be hazardous to your health). For some, an enema gives them that “anal fresh” feeling. For others, just a nice hot shower, bath or bidet is sufficient.

If you are the “fingerer,” make sure your fingernails are clean and trimmed. No hangnails, cuts, dirt or peeling nail polish. If your manicure isn’t anal-friendly, wear latex gloves for this.

When in doubt, play lightly and only rub hard if your partner asks for it. Be careful, but be playful too! Try using a drop of lube on your finger tip to spell out “I love your ass” right on your beloved partner’s booty-ful bottom.

Analingus Anyone?

As cunnilingus is to the vulva, so analingus is to the anus, a type of oral sex that involves licking and kissing the butthole.

For some, this might sound gross; but for many, analingus is the ultimate anal experience.

Though analingus (aka “rimming”) could involve some penetration (aka, “tongue-fucking”), most of it involves outercourse activities like planting your lips on your partner’s bum and swirling your tongue around that puckering rosebud.

Everybody—male, female and gender-neutral—has a sphincter muscle.

 

I assume this would involve a partner because I’ve never met anyone who could lick their own butthole (though I’ve known a few guys who can suck their own cocks).

Analingus is for sharing, which also means it’s rather risky when it comes to the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), as well as germs and viruses like COVID-19.  So, cleanliness is even more vital for licking than fingering.  When in doubt, put a dental dam (clear piece of thin latex) or just a section of Saran wrap to act as a “screen” between your lips and your lover’s back door (a screen door?).

It’s not as intimate, but it could save your life, or at least, your peace of mind.

Sphincter Muscle Squeeze

A sphincter is a circular muscle that maintains constriction of a natural body passage and which relaxes as required by normal physiological functioning.

The anus actually has two sphincters, one internal involuntary sphincter muscle and the other is more external and voluntary.  For purposes of enhancing your anal pleasure, we’re concerning ourselves with the external sphincter muscle.

Squeezing and releasing the anal sphincter can greatly enhance anal pleasure whether you’re just playing around externally or engaging in penetration. This happens involuntarily when you have an orgasm. Bu you can improve your anal tone and pleasure by doing sphincter muscle squeeze-and-release repetitions, like kegel exercises for the sphincter.

The great thing is that everybody—male, female and gender-neutral—has a sphincter muscle.

We can all enjoy the pleasure it gives us from squeezing and releasing. True, nature provides those good sphincter feelings primarily so that we’ll poop regularly, but there’s nothing wrong with taking advantage of those pleasure-sensitive nerve endings when it comes to poop-free anal play.

You can do a nice sphincter squeeze with nothing inside your rectum, but you might find that a nice dildo or butt plug helps you to squeeze longer and stronger, as well as intensifies the pleasure. Interestingly, 18th century doctors used to prescribe butt plugs to cure all sorts of ailments, from headaches to drowning. I wouldn't endorse that, though a few good sphincter squeezes around a nice butt plug have been known to "res-erect" a once-dead-and-gone erection!

Anal Intercourse

When most people hear the term “anal sex,” they think of anal intercourse, e.g., somebody’s anus being penetrated by somebody else’s penis.

As explained above, anal sex could encompass any kind of erotic play in the anal area, but anal intercourse is for some the “ultimate” anal.

If you’re an anal virgin (and often even if you’re not), start slow, engaging in lots of anal outercourse before you get to the intercourse.

How long should you go slow and shallow before you get into deep-penetrative thrusting? That depends on you and your partner. Anywhere from a few minutes to a few years.

Cleanliness is important, especially if you plan to take it deep. For some, that just means a good hot bath or shower, while others may take an enema before anal; this is a common practice in porn. This is usually the receiver’s responsibility, but the giver could help out, if both enjoy that.

There are lots of erotic activities you might engage in *for* your partner, even though you don’t enjoy them. Anal intercourse should not be one of these.

Unlike the vagina, the anus is not self-moisturizing.  So, just like the key to real estate is “location, location, location,” the key to great anal intercourse is “lubrication, lubrication, lubrication.”

If you’re using condoms, make sure you use a water-based lube. If you are an exclusive couple and not using protection, coconut oil feels great.

Sorry fellas, but semen and “pre-cum” are not the same as lube.

If you are the “giver,” prepare the anus by lubed-up fingering. Again, go slow, at the receiver’s pace.

Impatience is the Enemy of Good Anal.

Once you’ve played for a while with a finger comfortably inside, you might open it up more with a dildo or butt plug that’s bigger than your finger, but not as big as your cock. Then, when both of you are more than ready, the giver can go in. Sorry to sound like a broken record, but go slow. If you’re blessed with a big one, you have to go even slower.

Slow and steady wins the anal race.

Try penetrating just a little and then pulling out completely, rubbing the head of the penis on the outside. When your partner is ready (or, preferably when they ask—or beg—for it), go in again and penetrate a bit further, then pull out again. Continue with this until you are fully in—but be prepared to stop at any time if you or your partner is uncomfortable or in pain. If everybody’s happy, have yourselves a good, hard, thrust-filled, anal romp!

Some of the more popular positions for anal intercourse include Backside Doggystyle and Butt-Lifted Missionary (put a pillow under that butt), as well as Cowgirl (or Cowboy) Anal, Backdoor Side-by-Side, Standing Anal and On Bended Knee.

You might even have an analgasm (orgasm during anal sex).

Still, be careful. Don’t be a “Weapon of Ass Destruction.”

The anal walls are more delicate than vaginal and can tear and bleed more easily. A little bit of pain is okay for some people, like a spice, but too much spoils the meat, so to speak.

Anal intercourse, like all kinds of anal sex, should be pleasurable… or don’t do it.

There are lots of erotic activities you might engage in *for* your partner, even though you don’t enjoy them. Anal intercourse should not be one of these.

Don’t be too shy or too cool to talk about what you’re doing before, during and after you do it. This can include hot “dirty talk,” if you and your partner are into that, or compliments about what a fantastic ass they have. Most important, ask your partner how they’re feeling.  Letting them suffer in silence while you have yourself a ball ensures that you will not be invited back in the back door.

As far as erotic entertainment goes, porn is fine… But do not consider your favorite anal porn scene to be a literal lesson in how to have pleasurable anal sex.

Anal sex can feel stimulating and pleasurable for both giver and receiver, especially when you’re really in sync with each other. But it can be a little tricky in various ways, many of which are explained on these pages.  If it doesn’t go perfectly the first time, you can always try again if and when you’re both in the mood.

Remember, you can pause or stop at any point you want. Just because you have started something doesn’t mean you need to continue, especially when it comes to anal intercourse. Stopping whenever you want to is perfectly fine.

Anal Porn vs. Anal Reality

If you like to watch anal intercourse, you’ll find plenty of it in the wonderful world of pornography.

As far as erotic entertainment goes, porn is fine and probably won’t shrink your brain to the size of a hemorrhoid. But do not consider your favorite anal porn scene to be a literal lesson in how to have pleasurable anal sex.

To satisfy their impatient viewers, porn generally gives you the misleading impression that anal intercourse happens quickly, easily and without much anal outercourse as foreplay.

So porn viewers don’t get a realistic sense of the time involved in preparation in terms of cleanliness, safety or comfort.

Enjoy your porn, but don’t consider it a guide to good anal!

Anal Sex for Men: Does It Make You Gay?

So you’re a man, and you want to experience anal sex?  Or maybe you already enjoy it.  Congratulations!  There’s nothing wrong with you.

And no, being turned on by anal play doesn’t make you gay.

Gay, straight, bi or pansexual, everybody has an anus, so everybody—even the manliest of men—is capable of experiencing physical pleasure and mental excitement from anal stimulation.

Enjoying anal—giving or receiving—has nothing to do with your sexual orientation. Even if you never want a fellow guy near you, you might like anal sex. In that case, you can always just do it to yourself.

You could also have a woman penetrate you anally, either with her finger, a hand dildo or a sexy strap-on. In the last twenty years or so, the term “pegging”—a woman using a strap-on dildo to penetrate a man’s anus—has moved into the mainstream of sexual terminology, indicating how popular it is.

Even though liking anal doesn’t “make you gay,” you might realize you’re gay when you try anal play… and that’s okay!

Though it can feel confusing. Maybe you’ve only had straight sex throughout your life. Then one night, your wife or girlfriend plays with or penetrates your anus—or maybe you do it yourself, and you discover how good it feels. Maybe it triggers fantasies of being entered by a cock.

Then again, maybe you, like so many “straight” men, have cuckold fantasies, the “sperm wars” in your balls stirred up by imagining (or actually seeing) your hot wife or girlfriend having sex with another man. Some guys don’t stop there; maybe you also imagine yourself having sex—maybe anal sex—with the other man. Maybe you actually do it in real life, and it feels good.

Does that mean you’re gay… or bi… or maybe pansexual? Possibly, and that’s okay too. Of course, political and religious leaders might have different ideas of what is or is not “okay,” but scientifically speaking, there’s nothing wrong with or “weird” about same-sex attraction or activity.

When it comes to anal sex, it really doesn’t matter what gender you are, if any. Everyone has an anus. And everyone can give and receive orgasmic anal pleasure.

It’s certainly natural. Bonobos and many other nonhuman animals have sex with members of the same gender on occasion or even regularly.

As for humans, the first references to male-male anal sex date back to about 4,000 years ago and come into sharper focus about 2,600 years ago with the pottery of ancient Greece, which paved the way to Roman culture where the concepts of homosexuality and heterosexuality virtually didn’t exist.  Men and women married to raise families, but both men and women had lovers of either gender.

The rise of Christianity changed things. The book of Genesis in the Judeo-Christian Bible depicts God’s punishment of Sodom and Gomorrah as making them burn in a hell on Earth, and Lot’s wife turned into a pillar of salt just for turning around to take a look.

The punishment of Sodom led to sodomy laws which criminalized anal sex, with either imprisonment or fines depending on the jurisdiction.  Sodomy laws in Texas, Oklahoma, Florida, Utah, Louisiana, Virginia, Alabama and Kansas, for example, were overturned only in 2003.

Now anal sex with a consenting adult of any gender is perfectly legal in every US territory.

Nevertheless, experiencing these deep feelings and desires for the first time—or even the five hundredth time—can be confusing or disturbing for many men.

Due to their shame, some “straight” married men have secret sex with other men. This is understandable, but very dangerous. If you are doing this, not only are you cheating, you’re putting yourself and your partners at risk for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). At the very least, practice safer sex as explained in more detail below.

How about you? Do you have questions about your anal interests or activities? Do you need to talk about it… but feel uncomfortable talking to most people about such intimate concerns? The Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute understand the various nuances of anal desire. Call us anytime you need to talk about it: 213.291.9497.

The P-Spot

Not only do men have the same pleasure-sensing nerve endings in their anuses as women; the guys have something extra: the prostate.

The male prostate is as sensitive as the female G-spot, which is why some of us like to call it the “P-spot.”

Located between the base of the penis and the bladder, deep inside the rectum, the prostate is an exocrine gland surrounded by muscles which contract and release during ejaculation and help discharge semen. The prostate is key to both the fluid discharge and the pleasure of orgasm as well as build-up to orgasm. Semen is pumped out of the penis head through the urethra when orgasmic contractions of the smooth muscle squeeze the prostate.

The average young male prostate is the size and shape of a walnut. As a man ages, his prostate tends to grow larger. Men over 60 might have a prostate the size of a plum. The larger the prostate, the more susceptible it is to cancer and other health problems.

An active prostate—one that experiences fairly frequent orgasmic contractions—is generally a healthy prostate. Whether these orgasms occur in a loving relationship, at an orgy or by your own hand matters little to the health of the prostate, as long as it keeps on coming.

While your orgasms are mostly caused by stimulation to the head and shaft of the penis, it is also possible to achieve orgasm purely through stimulation of your prostate gland via deep anal penetration and massage.

Stimulation of your P-spot can also produce a stronger orgasm than purely penile stimulation -- described by various men as more intense or ecstatic. This can be done with a penis, a finger (usually a rather long finger), a dildo, butt plug, vibrator or other sex toy for anal penetration or “prostate massage.” Butt plugs often have flared ends to prevent them disappearing into your rectum.

Lubrication is key in prostate stimulation or any kind of anal penetration, as explained above.

Milking the prostate is a type of P-Spot massage that draws out the build-up to a deep, full-body orgasm over a long period of time, sometimes more than an hour.  The term “milking” refers to the technique of gentle, squeezing, hand manipulation like you would the udder of a cow during the milking process, as you stimulate the prostate, usually with a sex toy, so that the semen emerges gradually—instead of in the usually quick, short series of ejaculatory spurts—lengthening the pleasure of the experience.

Are you a guy interested being penetrated anally, but afraid to ask the woman in your life to peg you or “milk” your P-spot? She might be more accepting or even enthusiastic than you realize. A survey by Swedish sex toy manufacturer LELO found that 80 percent of women would perform a prostate massage on their partner if asked and 71 percent of straight men have either tried or would try a prostate massager.

Need tips on how to pop the question for a P-spot massage or just want some loving guidance over the phone, through sexting or webcam? Call the P-spot specialists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime you’re ready: 213.291.9497. We’re here for YOU (and your P-spot).

Anal Sex for Women

Of course, women can receive and enjoy anal sex. However, many women and men still have mixed feelings about penetrating a woman anally.

“But I already have a perfectly good hole!” is a common response many women have to partners who want to try their back door.

Often these women have had uncomfortable, often painful experiences on their first try at anal sex. This terrible first time is usually with a partner who is selfish or ignorant of anal sex etiquette, pleasure and health—or both.

One of the worst ways to introduce anal to a woman is by “surprise” while you’re already doing it vaginally from behind. That’s bound to either hurt the gal’s anus or damage the guy’s penis.

Alternatively, there are lots of women and men who enjoy anal sex even more than vaginal sex… if you’re doing it right.

Some women like the tight fit, the kinky feeling or the taboo quality of anal sex. Others see it as a form of birth control as you can’t get pregnant from anal intercourse. Semen has been known to travel from the anus across the perineum—or “taint”—to the vaginal opening and then find its way to fertilizing an egg, but that is a rare occurrence.

Many sexually active post-menopausal women, whose vaginas are not as self-lubricating as they used to be, report enjoying anal sex more than vaginal.

Women in porn almost always act like they love anal sex—often with very little preparation. Thus, many guys who watch porn are surprised to discover women who actually don’t enjoy anal. The best solution for these men is to learn how to have anal in ways that are pleasurable and healthy for their partner(s), as well as themselves. And if their partner still isn’t interested, do something else or find another partner.

One no-no in anal sex with women that guys don’t have to worry about: Do not pull your finger, cock, toy or anything else out of a woman’s ass and then stick it in her vagina. Be clean! Be courteous. Be aware.

Need to learn more about the ins and outs of anal? Call the anal experts at the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime you need to talk: 213.291.9497.

Gender-Fluid Anal

Not everyone is an asshole. But everyone has one!

Most people, including most transgender people, identify as male or female. But some people don’t feel they neatly fit into these traditional categories.

For example, some people’s gender blends elements of being a man or a woman, or it’s different than either male or female. Some people don't identify with any gender. Some people's gender changes over time. Many of these people call themselves “gender-fluid,” “non-gender binary,” “non-binary,” “queer” or “gender-queer.”

This can be confusing for more traditional people, but it helps if you just treat everyone with respect, try to use the correct pronouns and, when in doubt, ask questions politely.

The good news is that when it comes to anal sex, it really doesn’t matter what gender you are, if any.

Everyone has an anus. And everyone can give and receive orgasmic anal pleasure.

Kinky Anal

For many people, anal sex is inherently kinky, sometimes in a BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominant/submissive and/or Sado-Masochistic) way.

Anal sex is perfectly natural; no kink necessary. But playing dominant, submissive or other roles can enhance the fun of anal or any kind of sex.

Not everyone who gives anal is dominant, and not everyone who receives is submissive, but that’s often the way it goes.

For example, the one giving analingus may feel submissive, like they’re surrendering to ass worship, or even being humiliated in a kinky way. That same person might feel even more submissive when being penetrated anally by a forceful, dominant partner, perhaps while tied up or spanked.

Nevertheless, just because you’re submissive doesn’t mean you have to accept whatever your dominant partner gives you, especially when it comes to your comfort, pleasure and safer sex.

Know your limits and respect your partner’s physical and mental limits, whatever they may be.

Anal Safer Sex

Anal sex can be wonderful, but it is one of the most likely ways to spread sexually-transmitted diseases (STDs) or sexually-transmitted infections (STIs).  Whether you’re a man, woman or gender-fluid, straight, gay or pansexual, it’s important to protect yourself and your partners as best you can against HIV, Chlamydia, genital herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis, Hepatitis A and other STIs, when having anal sex.

Rectal lining is thinner and more delicate than vaginal lining and, because the rectum is at the end of the digestive tract (a highly bacterial environment), it is more susceptible to cuts and abrasions. This means that if you are the receiver or “bottom” you have a higher risk of STIs and HIV from unprotected anal sex than many other types of sexual activity.

While the risk is less for the giver or 'top', HIV can still enter through the opening at the top of the penis (urethra), or through cuts, scratches and sores on the penis.

So just what is “safe” anal sex?

The safest way to have anal sex is probably just with yourself, only using your own toys and nobody else’s. Next would be anal with a partner with whom you’re monogamous with the understanding that they are monogamous too.

If there is any question of either partner’s sexual activity, then latex barriers must be employed. Condoms are the most common form of protection for the penis. Make sure it fits comfortably but snugly and doesn’t fall off. You may want to try a few brands and sizes before you find your perfect fit. Some people feel safer using extra-thick condoms for anal sex.

You should also put a fresh “rubber” on any sex toys that you might share.

As explained above, dental dams make analingus or “rimming” a lot safer.

Use water-based lubricant only. Because of similar composition, condoms can rupture when used with oil-based lubricants. Use your favorite flavored lube for analingus.

Why do porn performers so often engage in “bareback” (no condom) anal sex? Because most of them are tested for STIs on a frequent basis. Even so, mistakes get made, and STIs do spread sometimes within the porn industry.

Another way to prevent HIV infection is to take pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP), but it is not available everywhere.

If you’ve had unprotected anal sex and are worried about possible HIV infection, go and see your healthcare professional straight away. You may be able to take post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) to prevent HIV infection, but it has to be taken within 72 hours to be effective. However, PEP is not a replacement for condoms and isn’t available everywhere.

Talk to your partner about protection before you start having anal.  As with any type of sex, it’s important that both people are enthusiastic about having anal sex and that no one is feeling pressured or forced into doing anything they don’t want to do.

Safer Sex in the Time of Coronavirus

The 2020 spread of COVID-19, a strain of the Coronavirus, has put even greater pressure upon everyone to practice safe sex, including only having sex with your regular partner(s).

The respiratory system-attacking virus spreads through airborne germs, making it imperative for people to stay at least six feet away from each other, cover their mouths when outside, and wash their hands regularly (if they weren’t already washing their hands before!). Now with the worry of infecting each other from a close range, the only way to help flatten the curve of infections is to stay at home in isolation except for the essential errand—which puts a damper on casual dates or hooking up.

In this case, if you’re really in the mood for having your precious starfish teased, you can always do it to yourself; just make sure your toys, hands, or anything coming in direct contact with the anus is properly cleansed beforehand (the aforementioned idea to put a condom on your toys is a good idea, too).

In the Coronapocalypse, being sanitary is more important than ever.

Additionally, the New York City Department of Health (NYCDOH) lists in their COVID-19 guidelines to “love the one you’re self-isolating with,” at least when it comes to in-person sex. While phone, webcam sex and sexting are still on the table, they advise limiting your in-person play partners to a “small circle” of people who you trust aren’t infected (whom you can trust is another story).

Not-Such-Fun Facts: COVID-19 has been found in semen as well as fecal matter. So for you analinguists out there, NYCDOH guidelines warn: “No rimming” (don’t you just love that kinky specificity in a metropolitan health office?). Bareback anal intercourse also appears to be off the table, unless you both test negative and are fluid-bonded.

Not that you could easily have any kind of anal sex anyway—unless your penis is six feet long, or you’re using a sex toy on the end of a broomstick.

If you're really determined to have safe anal sex with a partner you're not sure of, the NYCDOH suggests that you "be creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls, that allow sexual contact while preventing close face to face contact."

"Like walls"? Sounds like they're talking about a glory hole!

For some people, all these safety precautions create physical or psychological problems, “ruin the moment” and just don’t feel as good as unsafe sex.  But many learn to love taking safer sex precautions for the peace of mind they provide; and in the times of Coronapocalypse, the lives they could save. Don’t be reckless!

During the COVID pandemic, it’s probably not a good idea to have anal or any kind of sex with new partners, to say the least. On the other hand, it could be a great time to explore anal adventures with your regular partner (as long as both of you are up for it) and/or just with yourself.

Got questions about how to practice “safe, sane, consensual” anal sex? Call the anal experts at the Dr. Susan Block Institute: 213.291.9497.

Anal Sex Fantasies

Sometimes it’s best to keep your anal desires in “the erotic theater of the mind.”

“Living life to the fullest” works for some, but others prefer to ride in the slow lane, for the sake of their health, family or sanity.

This is where fantasy comes in.

Lots of people are turned on by the fantasy of anal sex, but they don’t want to bother with all the safer-sex precautions, logistics, trust issues, cheating and other concerns that you need to handle if you’re going to responsibly engage in anal sex in real life.

For instance, maybe you’d like to be the center of a rough, bareback, anal gangbang with the starting lineup of your favorite football team. This is an unlikely real-life scenario, even if you can pay all those footballers’ overtime, not to mention get them tested before the big gangbang. But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the fantasy.

In your imagination, anything is possible, no safety measures are necessary, and you don’t even have to be politically correct about it. You can try different anal fantasies on “for size,” to see how they play out in your brain and in your bloodstream.  The mind is a multiplex where you can always switch from one fantasy “screen” to another in less time than it takes to stamp your ticket.

“Ain’t nothing like the real thing, baby…” is very true. However, tuning into the erotic theater of the mind to satisfy your anal cravings, whatever they may be, allows you to just relax and enjoy yourself, perhaps through masturbation or just meditation—or, as our friend Annie Sprinkle coined the term, “medibation” (meditating while masturbating).

Make sure to have all the toys, tools and lube you need nearby, and enjoy!

And if you need a hand, give us a call.

Here at the Dr. Susan Block institute, we understand that a lot of people might never—or rarely—engage in anal sex in real life, but they like to have a safe place to talk about it.

Our Therapists Without Borders specialize in creating an environment where you can explore the full measure of your anal sexuality, in privacy and without fear. Want to talk about anal sex? Like to try immersing yourself in your anal fantasy through erotic hypnosis? Want help finding your prostate or just inserting that new toy? Need guided anal play? Call us anytime at 213.291.9497.

Should you or shouldn’t you experience anal sex in real life or just keep it in fantasy? Maybe you tried it before, but should you do it again… and again? Maybe you just need to have a sounding board to discuss the pros and cons. Then again, perhaps you could use an anal sex coach to help you get ready for the real thing. Or just a helping “hand” to guide you through the ultimate anal sex fantasy.  We’re here for you.

Block Institute director Dr. Susan Block is a world-renowned expert in anal pleasure, as quoted in Alternet's 9 Ways to Make Anal Sex More Pleasure: Once You Put Your Mind at Ease, Your Sphincter will Follow.  Dr. Block and our other Anal Sexperts are more than happy to assist you with anal sex advice, as well as fantasies, concerns or questions you may have. Anytime you need to talk, 24 hours a day, the world-famous telephone sex therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences are just a phone call away, and you can call us at [callus].

And yes, of course, you can use your butt plug during sessions. And no, there is no sex therapy or phone sex service quite like ours.

Institute director Dr. Susan Block is a world-renowned expert in anal pleasure, as quoted in Alternet's 9 Ways to Make Anal Sex More Pleasure: Once You Put Your Mind at Ease, Your Sphincter will Follow.  Dr. Block and our other Anal Sexperts are more than happy to assist you with anal sex advice, as well as fantasies, concerns or questions you may have. Anytime you need to talk, 24 hours a day, the world-famous telephone sex therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences are just a phone call away, and you can call us at [callus].



--MORE RESOURCES--



Welcome to Dr. Susan Block’s archival SEX CALLS channel, an intimate world of real people with real issues whose lives are changed by a phone call. In these illuminating, sometimes erotic conversations, sex therapist Dr. Susan Block, a.k.a., “Dr. Suzy,” talks with people about their sexual problems and pleasures. These are NOT calls with actual therapy clients; those are absolutely private and confidential. All these calls came in on The Dr. Susan Block Show, broadcasting live on radio & TV (including HBO) since 1992, and on the Internet since 1997. For more recent clips & shows, visit our other channel Youtube.com/DrSusanBlock. Some of our content is censored for YouTube. To see it uncensored, visit DrSusanBlock.com. This channel is sponsored by drsusanblockinstitute.com. To speak privately with Dr. Block or one of our other therapists, call 626-461-5950.

Read More

What Can We Talk About? Comments Off on What Can We Talk About?

You can talk with the telephone sex therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute about anything you like.  No topic is too taboo. Look over the lists of subjects below under "Sexual Issues" and "Erotic Pleasures," if you need some ideas. As you can see, there is quite a bit of overlap among the topics, and we deal with more subjects than we could possibly list. You may need to talk about several different subjects in one session. Perhaps you want to discuss some serious sexual issues in your life as well as enjoy an erotic phone sex fantasy. That’s fine and usually very beneficial to your sexual health in numerous ways. There are no limits on what you can discuss or how you and your therapist talk in your private telephone or webcam session. Though each one of our therapists doesn't specialize in every kind of subject, we have a large team working with the Institute, and we can almost always find a therapist suited to your specific needs and desires.

And yes, you can masturbate, if you want, during telephone sex therapy sessions. And no, despite the proliferation of interesting options on the Internet and beyond, there is no other phone sex or phone therapy service quite like ours.

Phone Sex Therapy Treatments & Lessons Learn Over 100 Ways to Enhance Your Sexual Life & Erotic Pleasures

[one_half]

Sexual Issues Understanding Your Sexual Nature and How to Live with It Exploring Your Erotic Fantasies How to Find the Lover of Your Dreams Understanding Your Partner’s Fantasies Dealing with Your Fears and Desires How to Express Your Erotic Nature How to Explore Your Sexual Fetish Erotically and Safely How to Share Your Fantasies with Your Partner How to Liberate Your Inner Bonobo Childhood Influences on Your Sexuality Relationships and Sex Families and Sex Work and Sex Politics and Sex Money and Sex Religion and Sex Art and Sex Cuckoldry Trust Issues Fear & Sex Sexual Wellness Religious Sexual Abuse How to Channel Erotic Inspiration How to Get What You Want In Sex, Love, Life and Death Orgasmic Fulfillment Orgasm Difficulties Masturbation Issues Masturbation Technique Mutual Masturbation Safe Sex in Dangerous Situations Ejaculation Control Erectile Difficulties “Sex Addiction” Body Image Issues Shyness Exploring the Clitoris Low Sexual Desire Dealing with Your Partner’s Low Sexual Desire Penis Size Concerns Enhancement of Arousal Virginity Issues Exploring Pain/Pleasure Dynamics How to Find the Erotic Elements in Everyday Life Dealing with Sexual Illness and Injury Sex and Physical Handicaps Trying “The Lifestyle” (Learning to Swing) How to Increase the Passion in Your Marriage Eros and Thanatos How to Develop Your Sexual Communication Skills How to Talk about Sex with a New Lover How to Talk about Sex with Your Spouse How to Give Great Oral Sex What You Should Know About Dominatrixes What You Should Know About Prostitutes What You Should Know About Porn Stars How to Seduce the Lover of Your Dreams How to Lose Your Virginity Premature Ejaculation Different Sexual Positions for Different Pleasures Sexual Anatomy Lesson How to Deal with Extra-Marital Affairs Your Own or Your Partner’s How to Explore Your Feminine Side How to Explore Your Masculine Side Using Your Sexuality to Enhance Your Creativity Why Women Should Explore Phone Sex How to Explore Your Submissive Side How to Explore Your Dominant Side How to Find a Woman’s G–Spot How to Find a Man’s P–Spot How to Female Ejaculate How to Help Your Partner Experience Female Ejaculation Tantric Sex Techniques Pornography Issues How to Meet Mr. or Ms. Right How to Deal with Your Sexual Feelings toward Your Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, Children, Next-Door-Neighbor, Co-Worker, Boss, Employee, Student, Teacher, Sister-in-Law, Brother-in-Law, Cousin, Aunt, Uncle or Other Inappropriate Object of Your Desire How to Recover from Incest Trauma How to Recover from Rape, Molestation and Other Negative Sexual Experiences How to Use Sex Toys Explore the Loss of Control Sex and the Stock Market Holiday Blues/Holiday Sex How to Break Away from a Toxic Lover How to Forget a Lost Love Advertising for Love in the Classifieds and on the Internet Gender Issues Body Shame Sex and Age Bisexuality Sex and Drugs Sex and Anti-Depressants Sex and Aphrodisiacs Dressing for Sex Undressing for Sex Sexercise for Sexual Health Circumcision Issues How to Conquer Your Sexual Phobias Finding the Pleasure in Your Life How to Share Sex Toys with Your Partner Sexual Meditation Erotic Relaxation Techniques How to be an Ethical Hedonist How to Practice the Bonobo Way of Peace through Pleasure[/one_half][one_half_last]Erotic Pleasures How to Have Phone Sex Straight Phone Sex Lesbian Phone Sex Gay Phone Sex Bisexual Phone Sex Transsexual Phone Sex Threesome Phone Sex Cuckold Phone Sex Orgasmic Phone Sex Bukkake Phone Sex Kinky Phone Sex Scary Sex Intelligent Phone Sex Sensuous Phone Sex Romantic Phone Sex Personalized Phone Sex The "Girlfriend Experience" The "Porn Star Experience" Strip Tease Hot Girls Masturbation Fantasy Roleplay Hot Chat Fellatio Cunnilingus Fingering Erotic Teasing Bondage Hot Sexual Intercourse Doggy-Style Woman on Top Missionary Position Analingus (rimming) Anal Sex Goddess Worship Sadomasochism Bondage & Discipline Phone Bondage Swinging Dressing Up Abduction Fantasy Medical Fantasy Smoking Intruder Fantasy Leather Latex Lady Boys Rubber Fur Foot Fetish Water Sports Female Ejaculation Frottage Erotic Teasing Nipple Play Crossdressing Spanking Catfight Fantasy Domination Surrender Hot Dirty Nasty Talk Romance Lingerie Play High Heels Boots Stockings Pantyhose "She-Male" Fantasy Panties Jealousy Fantasies Underwater Sex Vibrator Play Dildo Play Butt Plug Play Group Sex Fantasy Slave Training Cuckold Fantasy Presidential Sex Genital Torture Exhibitionism Voyeurism Cannibal Fantasy Satanic Fantasy Infantile Fantasy Shoe Worship Interracial Sex Playing Doctor Beach Party Consensual Gangbang MILF Fantasy Celebrity Fantasy Girl Next Door Boy Next Door Horny Housewife Next Door Mother Fantasy Father Fantasy Childhood Fantasy Teenage Fantasy Rape Fantasy Hermaphrodite Fantasy Orgy Corsetry Muscle Woman Pregnant Fantasy Menage a Trois Flagellation Cum Fetish AutoFellatio Fantasy Felching Fantasy Food and Sex Shaved Genitals Shaved Bodies Animal Sex Fantasies Golden Showers Brown Showers Erotic Enemas Fisting Wet on Wet Queening Gag Fantasy Piercing Wrestling Fantasies Tantric Sex Play Weight Training Sensory Deprivation Sensory Enhancement Tickling Science Fiction Fantasies Vampire Fantasies Incest Fantasies Nurse Fantasies Tattoos Small Breasts Big Breasts Big Nipples Big Buns Beautiful Buns Tiny Tummy Big Tummy Pregnant Tummy Long Legs Shaved Vulva Hairy Vulva Big Penis Small Penis Humiliation Fantasy Big Balls Slut Training Shaved Penis and Balls Threesomes Block Party Multiple Orgasm Love Fantasy much, much more!

[/one_half_last]

Read More

Bookstore

International Encyclopedia of Human Sexuality

Therapists Without Borders