by Dr. Susan Block

What’s your favorite secret sexual fantasy, the one you never talk about that always turns you on?  Your fantasies are always with you, playing hide-and-seek with your perceived realities, whispering wild ideas into your inner ear, showing movies in your mind, stirring your passions mysteriously, yet so powerfully. If you are imprisoned in any way–by your work, your family, your education, your religion, your government–your fantasies become your freedom. Sometimes your ability to fantasize is the only freedom you have.

Erotic Fantasy is the G-Spot of Your Mind

Where does fantasy end and reality begin? The English philosopher John Richter said, “Fantasy rules over two-thirds of the universe, the past and the future, while reality is confined to the present.”

Fantasy–the original “theater of the mind”–makes up a huge portion of human consciousness. Memory, as it filters through the mind’s eye, is a kind of fantasy that gazes backward, into the past. Hope, anticipation, fear and ambition are fantasies that look toward the future. Our sexuality is fueled by fantasies of the past and the future, as well as “pure” fantasies–wild dreams that never happened and that you never really want to have happen–that haunt and stimulate you like a kinky parallel universe.

A sexual fantasy can be a long, complicated story, a quick mental flash of erotic imagery or something in between. Whatever form it takes, it arouses your sexual feelings. As such, your favorite fantasy is the G-spot of your mind.

Experts agree that sexual fantasies are important, powerful and pervasive. But they can’t agree on much more about them. For every study that concludes that women or men fantasize one way, there’s another that concludes the opposite. If you look hard enough, you can find a study to prove any theory about sexual fantasies and another one to disprove it. Maybe this is because it is very difficult to measure fantasies except through questionnaires, and it is so easy and tempting to lie on questionnaires, especially when it comes to opening up about our deepest, darkest, most embarrassing, secret, sexual fantasies. Therefore, I will not use many studies to justify my points here. As a sex therapist with one of the largest private practices in the world and a sex-oriented radio and TV talk show host for over two decades, as well as an erotically-married woman for almost 18 years, I base my observations on my own professional and personal experience, which I believe is as good a “study” on fantasy as any.

Before we discuss where your secret fantasies come from and whether or not to share them with anyone, let’s take a look at some of the most common ones…

The Perfect Lover

The most popular sexual fantasies among men and women involve images of sex with a passionate, attractive, exciting partner who will do whatever you want, even if that means dominating you. Your Perfect Lover could be someone you know; it could even be your real-life partner. It could be someone you saw in class or at work but never talk to, a celebrity with whom you feel a connection, or a complete stranger you happened to face for two intense minutes in a crowded elevator. It could be someone that would be your ideal mate, if only you could be together. Or it could be someone very taboo: a relative, your best friend’s spouse, a MILF, a “bad” boy or girl, someone of whom you know your family would disapprove. Perfect Lovers run the gamut, but the universal characteristic is that you find this person irresistible and extremely satisfying, at least in fantasy.

Even very traditional ladies who prefer romance to porn enjoy the fantasy of the Perfect Lover. While such a scenario might involve nothing more than kissing, Perfect Lover fantasies can entail sexual intercourse in every position. Oral sex (giving or receiving) is a big favorite, followed by manual sex, (giving or receiving) and mutual masturbation. In addition to these basic physical sex acts, there are many other types of sex about which you might fantasize, especially if you feel deprived of a particular favorite activity. Your Perfect Lover will never deprive you…unless you have a deprivation fetish.

One popular variation on the Perfect Lover is what I call “Some Enchanted Evening”: sex with a sexy stranger. It’s not that I’m recommending sex with a real-life stranger, at least not without sheathing your body in a suit of latex armor, the shining armor of the knight of the 21st century, but the fantasy of sex with an exciting, attractive stranger is a delightful aphrodisiac that many women and men enjoy. One of the reasons these kinds of lovers are “perfect” is that you don’t know them at all.

It’s even more common to fantasize about your real-life lover, who may not be perfect, but must be pretty hot and is certainly familiar and easy enough to conjure up in the erotic theater of your mind. But because it’s a secret sexual fantasy, you might imagine something different than the usual. Maybe you fantasize that your real-life lover is aggressive even though he or she is usually passive, or that the two of you are being watched, or perhaps you imagine yourself watching your lover have sex with someone else. This brings us to the next most popular type of fantasy…

Two Perfect Lovers—Or More!

Double your pleasure, double your fun; sex with two lovers is more fun than one! The threesome is another very common sexual fantasy. It’s often associated with the male erotic imagination, and it’s certainly one of the most widespread male fantasies, invoking images of double-wived patriarchs and the pleasures of the harem. But women are catching up as it becomes more acceptable for us to admit we’d like to be with two hot men at once, or perhaps a man and another woman.

The male standard is sex with two women, of course–often a girlfriend and another lady. This sort of ménage à trois fantasy is flattering to your erotic ego and gives you a sex-educational glimpse into the secrets of lesbian sex. Of course, these are not man-hating lesbians; in fact, they love your penis!

More and more men now also confess that they fantasize about having a threesome with a woman and another man. The level of imagined physical intimacy can run the gamut from barely touching the man while you both focus on the woman all the way to the two men having intense sex while the woman simply watches or “directs.” You might also imagine watching the other man have his sexual way with your woman, with you as the “cuckold,” creating what I call the “sperm wars” effect, a competitive rise in your sperm count that arouses you even if you feel jealous and insecure.

Threesome fantasies can be so vivid, especially if one of the partners is your real-life lover, that many people try breathing life into them. The resulting reality spans from having a beautiful experience which enhances your relationship, as well as your sense of your sexual self, to an awful, awkward incident that hurts everyone involved. One thing is certain: Everything in any fantasy is “perfect” as far as your libido is concerned. Reality, however, is not quite so in tune with what turns you on, let alone what turns on your real-life partner or the third party.

A threesome can become an orgy, which is another common sexual fantasy. One way to keep sexual monogamy from becoming monotony is to maintain an active fantasy life with as many different partners as you can imagine. I happen to have a personal soft spot for real-life orgies, holding them regularly at my Institute, giving me and everyone here not just the chance to live out a common fantasy, but the opportunity to experience real-life communal ecstasy. But that’s the subject of another bloggamy and another Master’s Tea. Back to fantasy…

Bisexual Fantasies

Sometimes when you imagine a threesome with someone of the same sex, it’s a prelude to fantasizing about a more intimate, same-sex twosome. Or maybe the third opposite sex lover is just there for show, to “guide” or even “force” the two same-gender lovers to play with each other. Or maybe your erotic theater of the mind will just combine the male and female into one and imagine sex with a pre-op transsexual or shemale.

This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re truly gay, though it could. It more often means you’re truly bisexual, which I believe most of us are, and that your fantasy life is making up for what you repress in your real life. Just because you fantasize about having sex with someone of your gender doesn’t mean you ought to do it. Same sex fantasies can signify a lot of different things for people who lead mostly straight real lives–from seeking personal validation to breaking societal taboos.

It’s funny; it used to be much more taboo for women to admit to any kind of fantasies, except the kind revolving around love and “bodice-rippers,” a.k.a. romance novels. But now that more women are creating porn and erotica, making it more romantic–that is, story and character-driven–younger women are unabashedly eating it up. Modern ladies also seem to have an easier time accepting their bi-curious fantasies than most men do. There are various sociopolitical, cultural, psychological and physical reasons for this. Women know that most men are turned on by two women together, whereas it’s still a rare, very open-minded woman who enjoys two men together. Our society is more homophobic than lesbian-phobic. Then there are the real-life, physical risks which tend to be greater between men, since penetration is more often involved, than between women.

When fantasizing about sex with another female, most women imagine the other woman’s whole body: her breasts, buns, hair, lips (both pairs), clitoris, soft skin, seductive eyes, etc. When men fantasize about other men, they tend to focus on one part: the penis. Usually, they envision a big one. So Freud was wrong about “penis envy.” Women don’t have it; men do. At least, a lot of men do. Certainly, Freud himself did.

Even, perhaps especially, the outwardly homophobic male has gay fantasies. Why do you think a guy like that is so scared of gays “converting” straight men? Because in his fantasies, that’s exactly what happens: a hugely endowed male dominates him, forcing him to have sex—usually giving oral or taking anal–and he likes it, at least in fantasy (again, this doesn’t necessarily mean he’s truly gay). Masters & Johnson reported that heterosexuals often fantasize about homosexual encounters and vice versa, more often reflecting curiosity and other impulses than the desire to change the gender of one’s real-life lovers. Norman Mailer went so far as to say that “There is probably no sensitive heterosexual alive who is not preoccupied with his latent homosexuality.” I would add “at some point in his life,” since such desires come and go.

Our society tends to make things black or white, good or bad, male or female, heterosexual or homosexual. But the human sexual imagination is most definitely bisexual, even what you might call omnisexual. When Edna St. Vincent Millay went to a doctor for her headaches, he suggested they might stem from “an occasional erotic impulse toward a person of [her] own sex.”

“Oh, you mean I’m homosexual?” Millay responded, “Of course, I am, and heterosexual too, but what’s that got to do with my headache?” Maybe that’s what the Pulitzer-prize-winning poet and Vassar girl meant when she wrote “my candle burns at both ends.”

Men are not from Mars, women are not from Venus. We’re all from the same beautiful, wild, sexual planet Earth, and we’re far more alike than we are different. Dr. Alfred Kinsey was among the first to show that we’re all on a bisexual continuum with absolute heterosexuals on one end and absolute homosexuals on the other end. Very few of us fall at one extreme or the other. That doesn’t mean we like both sexes equally at all times. It just means most of us can potentially, under the right circumstances (boarding school, prison, a desert island, etc.), with the right person (the Perfect Lover), be aroused by either gender. Certainly, we can, and often do, enjoy being “bi” in fantasy.

Surrender and Power Trips

Power and surrender, or “dominance and submission” (D/s) fantasies are quite common among both men and women. They seem to be gaining in popularity, but they’re even older than the human race, probably flowing through the erotic minds of our bonobo and chimpanzee cousins. They can be crude or romantic, marvelous or dangerous. D/s fantasies may involve sadomasochism (S/M), bondage and discipline (B/D), an imagined abduction, a fantasy “rape,” spanking, whipping, tickling, torture, teasing, body worship and a host of other activities that may or may not entail actual sexual intercourse. In D/s fantasies, being “bad”–whether you are the nasty Dom or the naughty sub–feels really good. It’s another trick of the imagination that turns the “good” status quo on its head in order to turn you on.

It’s easy to understand why people enjoy dominating others. Power is a rush, especially in fantasy. You get to do whatever you want to the sex object of your dreams. What more could you desire? Many people pursue physical power over others in real life, often entering political, police or military careers. Others prefer to go on their power trips in their erotic imagination. Traditionally, “domination” is considered a male fantasy, probably most popular among young men who are relatively powerless in real-life society, even though they have testosterone-pumping energy to spare. But more and more women say they enjoy the fantasy of being dominant, “on top,” wielding a whip or even sprouting a penis (okay, Freud was right about some women) or other penetrative “weapon,” perhaps wearing a strap-on dildo in real-life sex.

But why do people long to submit? It’s certainly not all Stockholm Syndrome. As a therapist, I hear many more fantasies of submission than dominance, from both men and women. That’s partly because private therapy is expensive, and the men and women who can afford it tend to be successful professionals who dominate others in real life. Nature seeks a balance, often finding it through our fantasy life, making otherwise dominant people long to surrender, to be overwhelmed by someone else’s passion and power. In their erotic imaginations, and sometimes in a real-life role-playing session with a dominatrix, they surrender control for a brief period in their busy, power-packed day or week. They take a mini vacation from real life stress and the responsibility of being in charge, perhaps a time trip back into a childhood or adolescence under someone else’s control. Since society puts so much pressure on us to achieve–and achieving is hard work–deep in our secret erotic imaginations, many high-achievers long to surrender.

But there’s another, even more pervasive reason many people eroticize and even become addicted to submission: guilt. Forced surrender allows you to do something sexual without it being your “fault,” absolving you of guilt, at least in fantasy. No one likes to be raped in real life, of course, but the rape fantasy is extremely popular, as long as it’s being perpetrated by someone attractive. Usually, your fantasy rapist is a kind of Perfect Lover, someone you would actually be thrilled to have sex with in real life. But, in a rape fantasy, you give yourself the additional pleasure of resistance and the absolution of innocence (it’s the rapist’s fault, not yours!). Though, of course, it is your fantasy mind that creates the rapist and everything he or she does. For obvious reasons, the rape fantasy is most common among sexually repressed “good girls” and outwardly conservative men. It’s also an ego-boost to the sexually insecure, as it allows you to feel extremely desirable, so much so that your rapist finds you impossible to resist.

Whether you are being raped, ravished, abducted, tied up, spanked, teased, forced to dress like a slut or led around on a leash as the slave of a powerful, sexy Master or Mistress, in a submission fantasy, you get to be made to do or get what you secretly desire. So a foot fetishist will be “made” to worship feet, the nipple masochist “forced” to suffer extra painful nipple clamps and the panty lover “ordered” to put on the mistress’ knickers. Dominant/submissive scenarios may involve master/slave, goddess/supplicant, rapist/victim, boss/employee, teacher/student, parent/child, john/hooker, doctor/patient or guard/prisoner.

Men and women probably fantasize with equal passion about sexual surrender. But it’s still more socially acceptable for women (even feminist women) than it is for men, so men more often combine feelings of humiliation with submission. Politically incorrect as it may be, male submission fantasies often involve being dressed up in traditional, sensuous or “slutty” women’s clothes and called derogatory “sissy” names. This may or may not overlap with cross-dressing or transgender fantasies.

Keep in mind that some people have transgender fantasies that are not at all submissive; they really do feel that they were born into the body of the “wrong” gender, and their fantasies are sometimes a prelude to “becoming” the opposite sex in real-life through hormones, surgery and lifestyle changes. But very often, male transvestite fantasies aren’t about really wanting to be a woman; they’re about submission in the form of erotic degradation.

I could go on and on about the many different types of sexual surrender and submission that people enjoy. In love–as opposed to war, politics or business, where “surrender” conjures images of defeat and shame–surrender can be sweet and the ultimate, intimate fulfillment. The ancient Taoist masters said, “In yielding, there is strength.” In surrender, there can be power–certainly sexual fantasy power.

Exhibitionism and Voyeurism

Another common fantasy combo is seeing and being seen, showing off and watching the show, exhibitionism and voyeurism. It’s not all visual; you can be an audio-voyeur who enjoys hearing someone talk “dirty,” and you can be an aural exhibitionist who gets off on telling your sex secrets to the world. But most exhibitionism and voyeurism is about the joy of the erotic gaze and the thrill of being gazed upon, breaking through the strong social taboo of visual privacy.

The entire porn industry is based on people’s voyeuristic desires to see otherwise forbidden images of other people engaged in sex. We love to watch. There are obviously enough people who love to be watched that there are plenty of porn stars and strippers. Those are extreme professions to be in, but in fantasy you can do it all and bare it all before thousands or in forbidden places. Marilyn Monroe is said to have had recurring dreams in which she stripped off all her clothes in a church as a stunned congregation silently worshipped her naked beauty.

With the advent of reality shows, erotic blogs and obsessive, sexy photo-posting on social networking communities, exhibitionism and voyeurism are busting through the erotic theater of the mind and into that half-way house between fantasy and reality: the media. More and more, natural exhibitionists are just making and posting their own porn, turning everyone on their “friend list” into voyeurs.

In our society, we tend to think of exhibitionism as female and voyeurism as male. After all, due to the hot politics of cold cash, most strip clubs have female performers for male customers and the great majority of straight sex magazines and websites have pictures of women for men to admire. You can post anything on the Internet but, still, women tend to be the ones who get paid for sex as a stripper, prostitute, porn star, mistress or other sexual performer. Whether this shows that women are dominant–making money doing what they already enjoy as they call their own shots–or submissive–allowing themselves to be exploited and made to do things they don’t like for the sake of money–depends on the woman. Likewise, whether “paying for it” shows that men are dominant–wealthy and powerful enough to pay and get what they want–or submissive–forced to pay because that’s the only way they’ll get what they need–depends on the man.

Most people would say the He-Pays-To-Watch-Her scenario is the natural relationship between male and female, but is it? In nature, it’s usually the male of the species that’s the exhibitionist, the classic example being the peacock. His sex drive programs him to strut his sexual stuff for the female who watches him voyeuristically and quite critically, deciding whether he’d make a good sex partner based largely on the beauty of his tail. Since there aren’t too many opportunities for men to sexually display themselves for women in our society, many men secretly fantasize about exhibitionism. They desperately want to show themselves off, with special emphasis on their taboo penises that are so forbidden everywhere except hardcore porn. In fact, there’s a fetish that is gaining in popularity on the Internet known by its initials CFNM: Clothed Female, Naked Male.

Animals and Angels

Your wild erotic nature may emerge in animal fantasies. Don’t worry, having animal sex fantasies doesn’t (usually) mean you want to have sex with animals in real life. You may just revel in the ultra-taboo, bestial wildness. Horses and dogs figure commonly in men’s bestiality fantasies which usually involve them submissively receiving sex from the animal or voyeuristically watching a woman engaged in sex with the animal. Female fantasies tend to involve the woman being the animal, often something in the wild “pussy” family, such as a lioness, tiger or cheetah. No wonder wildcat patterns are so popular in women’s fashion.

Of course, real-life bestiality is appalling to most people. But animal sex fantasies connect you to your animal nature, often freeing your mind from the all-too-human sexual oppression that lurks within you.

On the other end of the sexual fantasy spectrum lies the spiritual. Sacred sex. You might fantasize about an Eros angel with wings to take you flying. Dreams of flying are often considered symbols of orgasm. You might imagine a divine threesome with you, your lawfully wedded spouse and the all-embracing presence of God or the Goddess. Your sacred sex fantasies might be influenced by a religious upbringing, the Bible, the Koran, the Tao Te Ching or other spiritual teachings that elevate the sex act to something heavenly, such that you might imagine your sexual union as a cosmic merger of two souls becoming one. Religious people don’t tend to characterize their ideas about spiritual union as fantasies, but if the holy robe fits, wear it. Fantasies of sex with space aliens and superheroes go into the “angel” category, though some might be a bit more animal.

These are the most basic types of secret sexual fantasies. There are many more variations, and I’d love to hear some of yours. But first let’s answer a few fundamental questions about sexual fantasy, where it comes from and where it can take you.

Where Do Fantasies Come From?

Your fantasies begin in the cradle, perhaps even in the womb. By the time you reach your teens, they get really intense. Many of your erotic fantasies stem from early memories, the first images you find arousing. If for no other reason than constant proximity, these images often come through interactions with family: your mother’s lingerie hanging on the clothesline, your father spanking you, catching your sister naked in the bathroom, your brother wrestling you to the ground. That’s one reason why incest fantasies of all kinds are so common. But don’t worry; just having incest fantasies doesn’t mean you’ve ever really had incest or ever will.

It’s true that real-life incest victims and perpetrators tend to be preoccupied by such imagery, often arising from traumatic memories. But most people who have incest fantasies have never acted on them. Oedipus complex, anyone? Freud may have been off on penis envy, but he was right on the money shot when he theorized that Oedipus and Electra, Mommy and Daddy complexes, and other types of terribly taboo incest fantasies permeate the secret spaces of many of our erotic minds.

Of course, the family is not the only source of secret sexual fantasy. You might pick up images from friends, neighbors and school experiences, as well as from your favorite fairy tales, movies, TV shows and popular music, not to mention Internet porn. These early images are very powerful, because they impress themselves upon you when you’re very impressionable. They become blueprints for your desire, repeating themselves in your memories and activating your imagination, infusing your natural sexuality with meaning and excitement. They alternately confuse, excite, please, comfort and torment you. And they become secret sexual fantasies.

Your erotic fantasies might be influenced by aspects of your early years that aren’t so obviously sexual. We human beings are masters at finding silver linings in black clouds, and we often do this through the “magic” of sexual fantasy. For instance, if you were very sick as a child and confined to bed, you might go on to fantasize about bondage or sensory deprivation. If you were abused or bullied when you were small, then later in life you might turn being bullied into something pleasurable and fantasize about erotic submission or humiliation. On the other hand, your fantasy mind might rather turn the tables on reality and eroticize domination.

What Are Fantasies Good For?

Sexual fantasies can be keys that unlock the doors of your repressed personal history. They can help you to cope with your real-life problems, just as your dreams do, though they tend to do it when you’re awake. They can help you work through past trauma or abuse, operating like an erotic painkiller on negative, hurtful memories. Of course, that can lead to other problems, such as wanting to act out the fantasy and perpetrate the abuse that you experienced onto someone else. But it doesn’t have to. Sexual fantasies and erotic dreams, especially when accompanied by orgasm and perspective (not necessarily in that order), can help to release the stress and trauma of the past. They can also help you relive good sexual memories. You appreciate this benefit of fantasy more as you get older. And no, you don’t have to act out anything in real life; you can keep your secret sexual fantasies and memories locked up in your mind for safekeeping.

But fantasies aren’t just about the past. They can also prepare you for the future. Fantasies can be hazy or detailed rehearsals in the erotic theater of the mind for sexual acts you haven’t yet experienced. That’s probably a pretty common use of fantasy at Yale, or on any college campus. Just as athletes imagine playing and winning the Big Game before it actually happens, so you might imagine seducing or being seduced by your Perfect Lover before the Big Date–or the Big Hook-Up. Some Casanovas and Cleopatras combine fantasy with strategy to entice any partner they desire. This is part of the Mystery method that Matador represented at Sex Week at Yale in 2008. If you can dream it, you can do it.

On the other hand, your secret sexual fantasies can trip you up. Fantasies can be very perverse, enhancing your insecurity, even as they arouse your passions. If you tend to fantasize about being humiliated by people you desire, then you might have a hard time–so to speak–psyching yourself up in a positive way for a date with someone you’d like to impress.

Understandably, people often would like to get rid of troublesome fantasies. Maybe they fantasize about being embarrassed when they’d like to be confident, or having gay sex when they’d like to be straight, or doing their partner’s sister when they’d like to focus on their partner. But deleting a secret sexual fantasy from your mental hard drive is much easier said than done. In fact, it really can’t be done. Very often, the harder you try to banish a bad fantasy from your head, the more insidiously it will wrap itself around your every thought and feeling. You simply can’t control your fantasies, at least no better than you can control your dreams.

But your fantasies don’t have to control you either. Just because you imagine doing some crazy, kinky thing doesn’t mean you have to do it. You can’t control what you imagine. But you can, more or less, control what you do in real life. So don’t make like the Thought Police and bust yourself for your fantasies! Hold yourself accountable for your actions, not your thoughts. Your favorite, secret, sexual fantasy is a gift you can’t return, though sometimes, with time, it fades.

To Share or Not to Share?

Make friends with your fantasies. Don’t vainly attempt to control them, and maybe they won’t take control of you. Then you can use them as safe outlets for dark, naughty or forbidden desires that you can’t, or wouldn’t, want to live out–perhaps because you know that doing so would hurt you or someone you love. For some people, fantasies are great mental sex toys, interactive mind-movies, playgrounds for the libido. We grow up playing as children, but gradually all our games become serious and there’s very little playtime left in our adult lives. The erotic theater of the mind is a place for you to play. Do try to play safe, though that’s not always as simple as it sounds.

What about sharing? Opening up about otherwise secret sexual fantasies with your partner can make lovemaking more exciting. Sharing fantasies isn’t usually necessary when you first have sex together. So much is new in reality, your mind doesn’t have to go much farther than the present moment for stimulation. But after a while, when you’re in a long-term relationship, you get to know each other’s bodies so well that your mind is bound to drift…into fantasy. After all, there are only so many physical positions into which you can bend your bodies, but there is an endless array of mind-games you can play, or role-play. On the other hand, your secret sexual fantasy could hurt, anger, scare or disgust your lover. One person’s fantasy is another’s nightmare.

So, to share or not to share? It really depends on you, your partner and the fantasy. In other words: proceed with caution. Take baby steps…

If you’ve never shared a fantasy with your lover, and you’d like to try, start by sharing a memory, a thrilling erotic experience you actually had together. Reminisce about it in bed, then embellish the memory by imagining something that could have made the experience even more exciting. You can also stimulate the sharing of fantasies by reading or looking at erotica together. Be poetic, be explicit, be romantic, be outrageous, be honest, but be sensitive. Try tossing out small parts of your secret fantasies like test balloons; if it floats, keep embellishing; if you can see it sinking by your partner’s negative reaction, switch gears. It’s risky business, but nothing great in life comes without taking a chance. If you can share your fantasies with your lover, you can get to know each other deeply, weaving powerful strands of feeling into the fabric of your relationship, blending fantasies with memories and ever-expanding possibilities.

Your secret sexual fantasies evolve and change as you do. Of course, it’s your prerogative to keep them a secret. But if they haunt, obsess or hurt you in some way, it might be a good idea to share them with a sex therapist, if not your lover. Troublesome fantasies discussed and explored in a safe, enlightening but nonjudgmental manner tend to lose some of their obsessive, dangerous qualities. Sharing difficult, recurring fantasies with a good therapist might help you to put them in perspective, reducing their negative power over you, so you can make friends with your fantasies and learn to use them to release stress and come to terms with the many layers of your sexuality.

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The Dr. Susan Block Institute is thrilled to announce the Tenth Annual Eros Day Celebration, Saturday, January 24th 2009, at Dr. Suzy’s Speakeasy in the Soul of Downtown LA.

Eros Day X will be an “Orgy for Obama” Inaugural Ball celebrating hope for a new era of peace-through-pleasure politics and an end to anti-sex militarism in America and around the world, at the climax of a week of balls honoring the historic Presidential Inauguration of Barack Obama.

Traditionally, Eros Day honors Eros, the primeval god of love, lust and life itself according to classical mythology, and a little phallic planetoid according to modern astronomy, as well as the “Spirit of Eros” – the idea of passionate love and peace through pleasure. Ancient Greek festivals of Eros date back to 1800 BCE. In the 1990’s, Italian Father of Modern European Porn Lasse Braun developed the current holiday and passed it on to sexologist Susan M. Block, PhD, who began hosting annual celebrations drawing hundreds of participants, while thousands more share in the festivities on DrSusanBlock.com, and others watch on cable TV. The holiday of Eros Day is celebrated on the fourth Saturday night of January when the planetoid 433-EROS spins closest to Earth.

Internationally renowned for its orgiastic revelry, Eros Day at the Speakeasy features porn stars, professors, singers, swingers and the couple-next-door, all decked out in togas, lingerie, fetish gear, formal wear or nothing at all. Featured sponsors of Eros Day X include The Broken Door LA, PoleDanzer, Doc Johnson and Condomania, with Agwa Liqueur, Agavero, Absente Absinthe, Magellan Gin, Rhum Barbancour and other fine beverages at the Speakeasy Open Bar. Featured guest stars include Rocco Siffredi, Regan Reese, Jessica Jaymes, Sinnamon Love, Mae Victoria, Natasha Skinski, Morgan Ray, Lorelai Givemore, Kat, Michelle Shaprow, Axel Braun, Jay Lassiter, Master D, Mister Merlin, Dino Bravo, Chocolate Hercules, Dick Chibbles, Jonathan Footman, Dickey Balls and more TBA. Proceeds help save the highly endangered “make love not war” bonobo chimpanzees from extinction. For information call 213-291-9497.

The Dr. Susan Block Institute is a world-renowned center for sexual expression, therapy and education. Founded in 1991 by Susan M. Block, PhD, a Yale-educated sexologist, best-selling author and host of HBO specials (appearing this week on “Nightline” ABC), the Institute’s mission is to help individuals, couples and communities to enhance their sexuality and improve their lives, based upon Dr. Block’s philosophy of Ethical Hedonism and the Bonobo Way of Peace through Pleasure.

Contact: Diana Hunter
Phone: 626.461.5949 Email: eros@blockbooks.com

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Follow The Bonobo Way of Peace through Pleasure as you discover the amazing world of the “Make Love, Not War” Great Apes, the extraordinarily peaceful and extremely sexual Bonobo Chimpanzees with Global Sex Educator, HBO Personality and Bonobo Way Advocate Dr. Susan Block as your host, and special guest, McArthur Foundation Fellow and Harvard University Professor of Anthropology Dr. Richard Wrangham.

Watch the amazing bonobos swing through the trees as well as with each other, making love face-to-face, sharing oral sex, bisexuality, foot play, masturbating, threesomes, orgies in the trees and even playing with “sex toys” at the zoo.

Watch them interact with desire, jealousy, empathy, passion and compassion. Discover how their exceptionally high level of sexual activity leads to extraordinarily low levels of violence in their communities in the wild and in captivity.

Find out how human swingers act like bonobos, and how close we are to our kissin’ cousins in many other ways.

Liberate Your Inner Bonobo! Follow the Bonobo Way; Don’t Act Like a Baboon!

This incredible one hour DVD is on sale now for the holiday discount price of $19.95

Proceeds go to further bonobo education and help save the bonobos in the Congo from imminent extinction.

Order By Phone Anytime 24/7
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Order Advertising for Love by Phone 24/7:
Call (626) 461-5950

Advertising for Love: How to Play the Personals, Dr. Suzy’s first book, (first published before she was Dr. Suzy, by William Morrow in 1984), is now the classic in it’s field.

Advertising for Love predicted the Online Personal Advertising Revolution and the overwhelming success of sites like Match, Facebook, Harmony and Myspace, and it’s still the very best guide to finding love and lust through advertising anywhere.

All of Dr. Suzy’s wit, wisdom, experience, examples and advice still make Advertising for Love indispensable for anyone interested in posting, answering or just checking out all the different types of personals on the Internet. Plus hilarious Bloom County cartoons! Limited softcover copies signed by Dr. Suzy are available for just $14.95.

Order Advertising for Love by Phone 24/7:
Call (626) 461-5950

The post Advertising For Love appeared first on Dr. Susan Block Institute.

NEW & REVISED EDITION NOW ON SALE for
OUR DISCOUNT HOLIDAY PRICE of $22.95
ORDER BY PHONE 24/7:
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Get The 10 COMMANDMENTS of PLEASURE on KINDLE

The Dr. Susan Block Institute is Pleased to Announce the Third English-Language Edition of Dr. Susan Block’s Critically Acclaimed, Best-Selling, 5-Star Bible of Sex, Love and Peace on Earth: The 10 Commandments of Pleasure

This Gorgeous Full-Color Cover Third Edition Features NEW Chapters not in the First or Second Editions, such as Geyser of Desire: Female Ejaculation and Sperm Wars. The Third Edition also includes updates to several chapters, such as The Bonobo Way, G-Spot Hunting, and The Male P-Spot, plus more yummy Recipes for Sweet Tastin’ Semen !

Praise the Lady! And The Book…

“Dr Susan Block’s 10 Commandments of Pleasure are the best to come around in the past 2000 years. Bravo!”
Nina Hartley, adult film actress & sex educator

“Thank you, Dr Suzy, for showing me that sex education can be sexy.”
Sheila Nevins, Executive VP, Director of Late Night, Documentary and Family Programming HBO

“The 10 Commandments of Pleasure is a masterpiece. A must-read for all! Thank you, Dr. Suzy, for providing us with an alternative to the horrible Dr. Laura.”
Reverend Bob Bookburn, WPEB-FM, Philadelphia

“Dr. Susan Block is America’s hottest sex therapist, dispensing wisdom from her boudoir and taking the bonobo chimps as her model for the perfect sexual philosophy. Her extremely enjoyable, informative book, The 10 Commandments of Pleasure, tells us how we can find the same person horny the rest of our lives.”
Jan Birks, Forum Magazine

“Dr. Block’s book is a pleasure seldom equaled…a jewel of arousing, practical and refreshingly accurate information that ought to be at the bedside of every couple in America.”
Dr. Robert McGinley, President of The Lifestyles Organization

“Dr. Susan Block is a genius…She has helped thousands become more sexually satisfied with her TV show and her book The 10 Commandments of Pleasure… She is my idol.”
Laura Moore, Sex Heals, Penthouse Magazine

“If I were Queen for a Day, I’d make The 10 Commandments of Pleasure mandatory reading!”
Sharon Peters, Libido Magazine

“Thank God for sexpert Dr. Susan Block, who has the courage to continuously affirm her deeply-held faith in fishnet stockings and other family values…Dr. Block is one of the nation’s leading sexologists, and a very bright and funny woman to boot.”
Robert Scheer, The Los Angeles Times

“Dr. Susan Block’s 10 Commandments of Pleasure is playful, profound and utterly sensible–a charmingly taught cure for sexual stupidity that’s bound to raise the nation’s erotic IQ”
Dr. Carol Queen, Author and Director of the Center for Sex and Culture

“Any man who follows Dr. Suzy’s 10 Commandments of Pleasure will have women eating out of his hand. Any woman will have men groveling at her feet.”
Dr. Tracy Cabot, Author of How to Make a Man Fall in Love with You

“This is a good fucking book! And a fucking good book!”
Richard Pacheco, The Spectator

“Brilliant, sexy and deliciously intellectual.”
Art Kunkin, The LA Free Press

“If you require a new suit, you seek out a great tailor. If you need surgery, you track down the finest doctor… When it comes to love, sex and relationships–nobody dishes it up better than Dr. Susan Block.”
Robin Leach, TV host of Lifestyles

“Dr. Block is the Erin Brockovich of the Bonobo.”
Deirdre Guthrie, Salon Magazine

“Dr. Suzy is the 21st century Masters & Johnson.”
Ellen Thompson, AVN Magazine

“Read a commandment a night. It will give you new ideas that will rock your lover’s world… Dr. Block speaks directly, for which I heartily applaud her.”
Kris Booth, about.com

“Excellent and very much worth the money! Awesome! I’m in my 40s and this tape taught me new things to make my husband happy and he’s noticed the difference. It also was right-on in telling the woman’s point of view for my husband to hear; this tape said things I hadn’t been able to. It’s a great couple communication tool. Enjoy!”
FIVE STARS Amazon

“Sane, Funny, Informative. A wonderful book that looks at sexuality with much needed sanity. Dr. Block is funny, sexy, and gives much needed direction for any couple or single person. A “Great Read”, and must for anyone who is interested in sexuality”
FIVE STARS Amazon

“Dr. Suzy is the best!”
Ron Braverman, CEO, Doc Johnson

“This book has changed my life! I was a sexual miscreant, but after delving into Dr. Susan Block’s masterpiece, I emerged a sexual dynamo, crackling with the newfound libidinal energy unleashed through her techniques. If you’d like to give your sex life a swift kick in the pants, this book is for you!”
FIVE STARS AMAZON

“Dr. Susan Block is the most popular seminar leader at Lifestyles Conventions…Copies of her book The 10 Commandments of Pleasure are passed around the beach…Refuting those who call hedonists mindless and Godless, Block reconfigured some age-old irreconcilables by claiming the lifestyle did not necessarily take one away from spirituality or from leading the kind of unselfish, “good” life that benefited oneself and humanity…The extremely colorful Block had even applied evolutionary logic to Cyrenaic thought, coining the term ‘primemates’ to describe the happy halves of a hedonist marriage and establishing the Block Bonobo Foundation “to educate individuals in The Bonobo Way, that is, how these chimps use sex to create and maintain peace through pleasure in their societies.”
Terry Gould, “The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers”

“Yum! It really works and works and works!”
Max Lobkowicz-Filangieri, Dr. Block’s husband

Dr. Susan Block’s 10 Commandments of Pleasure is a Literary Guild Selection, a Doubleday Book Club Selection and a Doubleday Health Book Club Selection.

The power to give pleasure is the greatest power you have. Give the Gift of Pleasure in this beautiful, classic, unforgettable book to your lover, your husband, a friend, your cousin, your hairdresser, your congressperson, or just savor it yourself. A brilliant, irreverent, yet warm, ultra-sensual and super-helpful classic that guides the reader in leading an erotic, healthy sexual life, giving and receiving pleasure.

Order Dr. Susan Block’s 10 Commandments of Pleasure by Phone Anytime 24/7:
Call

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Need to Talk about Squirting? Call Us Now:
626.461.5949

Secrets, Stories & Techniques of G-Spot Female Ejaculation

by Dr. Susan Block

What is Squirting?

One of the great sexual wonders of the world is Female Ejaculation. Called by a variety of names, from the poetic to the worshipful to the crass, it is the Nectar of Aphrodite, the waterfall of womanhood, the champagne of sexuality, a broken fire hydrant, the ultimate orgasm, the geyser of desire. Squirting! Spurting! Spraying! Gushing… Healing as Holy Water, sexy as sin, it’s good for the soul, not to mention the skin. Luminous as a sparkling spring, threatening as a flood of feelings, female ejaculation is carnal proof that a woman’s ability to hit her lover right between the eyes when she comes is equal to that of a man. Thus, its importance is not only erotic, but political, as it is a tangible, palatable (i.e., delicious!), orgasmic symbol of female sexual power.

Often, female ejaculation is even more profuse and forceful than the male variety. Not everyone finds it erotic. Some are repulsed or threatened by the Raging Waters of Venus. Some women squirt naturally, some never do squirt at all, still others learn how to do it. Though female ejaculation is older than humanity, it is on a new frontier of female sexuality. Both women and men are expressing greater and greater interest in it. As a sex therapist, I get asked these questions more and more on my show and in my private practice: How can I squirt? How can I help my partner to squirt? The *meme* of “squirting” is veritably flooding the world. So, batten down the hatches! Better yet, ladies: uncork your champagne! Gentlemen: get ready to get soaked! If the squirting wave hasn’t yet engulfed your neighborhood, it’s on its way to bursting out of the closet (the water closet?), and drenching a bed near you.

When I first discovered the phenomenon of G-spot female ejaculation orgasms, I was intrigued, excited, mystified and challenged. As a sex therapist, I wanted to understand it. As a woman, I wanted to experience it. This essay is about both. It is a journey into the eye of a sexual hurricane, a trip into inner space, delving into the deep sensations, as well as the anatomy, history, technique, spirituality, relationship issues, controversies, culture, comedy and sheer Dionysian-orgasmic release of squirting.

Is It Real?

Throughout Western history, prominent scientists have reported witnessing and experiencing the forceful release of fluids from the vagina during sexual activity. We can begin with the Western world’s most famous ancient scientist, Aristotle, who wrote about the phenomenon of women’s vaginal expulsions during sex, maintaining that they did not have the appearance or aroma of urine, nor did they stain the lady’s toga.

In the first century, the Greek Hippocratic “Father of Medicine” Galen, described the “fluid in the female prostate” as thinner than in males. In the 1500’s, the Italian anatomist and surgeon Realdo Colombo, who claimed to have discovered the clitoris which he called “the sweetness of Venus,” wrote about female fluid “rushing out” and “coming in one gush” from a woman in a state of sexual excitement. The first modern description of female ejaculation came from the Netherlands, which is not so surprising as the Dutch have long been open-minded about sex. In the 17th century, Dr. Regnier DeGraaf wrote about the urethra being pierced by ducts through which fluids are discharged, “occasionally in large quantities.” In 1880, Dr. Alexander Skene found two glands in the urethra that emit prostate fluid. These are now called the Skene’s glands.

In the 1940s, American gynecologist Dr. Arnold Kegal discovered that if a woman has a strong PC, she is less likely to suffer from urinary incontinence. Just in case you don’t know, the PC is not politically correct (on the contrary!), nor is it a personal computer. The PC is the pubococcygeus, also known as the “sex muscle,” right between the genitals and the anus. This is the muscle you squeeze to stop yourself from peeing. Both men and women have PC muscles, and both benefit from squeezing and releasing them in what’s known as a Kegel exercise. Whatever your gender or genitalia, squeezing and releasing your PC muscle helps you to have bigger, stronger orgasm with and without squirting.

In 1950, a German obstetrician, Dr. Ernest Grafenberg found a very sensitive spot inside the vagina which he immediately named after himself: the G-spot, handily located just an inch or so up from the entrance on the side of the vagina closest to a woman’s abdomen. Dr. Grafenberg found that stimulation of the G-spot could lead to expulsion of fluid from the urethra. “Large quantities of a clear, transparent fluid expelled not from the vulva, but out of the urethra in gushes,” gushed Dr. G. “At first, I thought that the bladder sphincter had become defective by the intensity of the orgasm. But,” he continued, “the fluid was examined and it had no urinary character (rather it was) secretions of the intra-urethral glands correlated with the erotogenic zone along the urethra in the anterior vaginal wall.” Sounds like Mrs. G was a gusher.”

Despite Dr. G’s discoveries, G-spot fever didn’t take hold of 1950s Western society. Even the sex-positive feminists of the sexual revolution of the 1960s and 70s pretty much ignored it. Feminists proclaimed women’s essential equality with men in and out of the bedroom, but somehow missed the fact that a woman can squirt like a man, sometimes with even greater force. Most women who did ejaculate were quiet about it, often mistaking it for urination.

In the 1980s, the bestselling book The G-Spot by Dr. Alice Kahn Ladas, Dr. Beverly Whipple and Dr. John Perry, broke through the dykes, and a wealth of information about women’s sexuality, including G-spot orgasm and female ejaculation, gushed forth. Since the 1990’s, several studies have been done by Perry and Whipple, as well as Dr. Milan Zaviacic, Dr. Gary Schubach and Dr. Cabello Santamaria, regarding the liquid expelled during female ejaculation to determine the chemical makeup. According to Wikipedia, the expelled fluid has been found to contain fructose and sucrose, two natural forms of sugar. It also includes very low levels of creatinine and urea (the two primary chemical components of urine, found in high levels in pre- and post-ejaculatory urinalysis). Most interestingly, it contains prostate-specific antigen (PSA), the fluid produced by males in the prostate gland, which forms the base of male ejaculate. In females, it is generated by the Skene’s glands which are located in the G-spot. That’s why some people, including world-renowned FE expert Deborah Sundahl, author of Female Ejaculation & the G-Spot, and featured in BlockFilms’ award-winning DVD Dr. Suzy’s Squirt Salon(s), call the G-spot the “female prostate.”

In Eastern history, female ejaculation and the G-spot have long been recognized as important aspects of normal female sexuality. Tantric sex practitioners often refer to the G-spot as the Goddess Spot or sacred spot. They call the fluid “amrita,” the nectar of the gods. The Kama Sutra is almost certainly referring to female ejaculation when it says “The semen of women continues to fall from the beginning of the sexual union to its end.” Images of women ejaculating are carved into Buddhist and Hindu temples, along with other erotic sculptures. Japanese woodcuts show women squirting into bowls in ecstasy. Many East Asian men and women drank female ejaculate for its supposed aphrodisiac and rejuvenating qualities.

A Storm of Controversy

Despite the scientific evidence, the medical establishment has long been extremely dubious about female ejaculation. Over the years, the subject of G-spot female ejaculation has stimulated a veritable thunderstorm of debate among sex researchers, doctors, sex educators, porn stars, lovers, husbands and wives. Detractors insist that there is no G-spot, that women who squirt during orgasm are just peeing while they’re coming, and all this hoopla over G-spot female ejaculation is nothing but a glorified golden shower.

But those of us who have experienced the power and glory of G-spot female ejaculation – giving or receiving – know that it exists. This is not a matter of faith; this is the science of sex. Squirting orgasms have been documented, researched and chemically analyzed. In that regard, my own experience, as well as my video-study in female ejaculation, Dr. Suzy’s Squirt Salon(s) provided me with extremely strong evidence. Too bad film isn’t something you can scratch and sniff, because then you would know that it doesn’t smell like urine! But the pleasure and power of female ejaculation do come across onscreen. You can see it, you can hear, and you feel it. And it feels good.

This *feel-good* aspect of squirting is perhaps another reason that the naysayers have held sway over the years. Female ejaculation is a pure recreational pleasure that has no apparent direct role in procreation, except that women who squirt may, over the millennia, have procreated more, simply because we tend to enjoy sex more.

Skepticism about squirting goes from the lab to the bedroom. On one of the Squirt Salons, Rebecca, a part-Native American (Cherokee) woman called in from South Dakota. She had no trouble squirting; she’d been doing it almost all of her adult life and loved it. Her problem was getting her new boyfriend to enjoy it with her. In fact, he didn’t even believe that it was real. He accused her of peeing on him, implying that she was being rude. My guest expert Deborah Sundahl and I tried to help Rebecca to navigate the challenges of sharing the pleasures of female ejaculation with a skeptical lover. First, do the smell test; comparing the aroma of female ejaculate with that of urine. Next, let him read the scientific literature on the subject.

In 2002, Dr. Emmanuele Jannini of Italy’s L’Aquila University conducted a study that found that the Skene’s gland openings vary in size from one woman to another, and some women appear not to have them at all. If Skene’s glands do cause female ejaculation, this may explain why some women can do it profusely, while others can’t at all, or just produce a little spurt (though a little spurt can feel mighty good!). According to other studies conducted by Dr. Cabello Santamaria, the phenomenon of “retrograde female ejaculation,” where the fluid travels up the urethra towards the bladder, could also explain why many ladies can’t or simply don’t squirt. Many women, when they learn to ejaculate, realize that they have squirted in the past, but they haven’t known what it was. Many have ejaculated into the toilet during or immediately after sex, assuming, of course, that they were peeing.

Female ejaculation is by no means “necessary” for female sexual pleasure. But it is a healthy, normal, natural feminine experience that some women have without even trying. But just because it’s “natural” doesn’t mean any woman can do it without help. Just as many women (like me), needed to learn how to have a *regular* orgasm, most of us need to learn how to ejaculate. We need to learn a combination of technique and relaxation. And guys who are interested need to learn how to help, if they really want to help.

Learning How to Squirt

Female Ejaculation is an everyday miracle. Just about every normal woman has the anatomy for it, but most don’t do it. Moreover, the practice is veiled in mystery. Some porn films show it, but they don’t explain what it is or how to do it. Sometimes they even use misleading tricks, like filling the woman’s vagina with water that she then squirts out for the camera. Some sex education videos and books explain female ejaculation in much the same way that this essay tries to do, but they don’t show it very well. Granted, it is difficult to explain. Thus, over the years, I have tried to create my own videos and literature that shows this process as clearly, and with us much fun and erotic delight, as possible.

I first heard the term “G-spot female ejaculation” from Deborah Sundahl back in 1992 at a Lifestyles Convention, having wandered into her seminar quite by accident. I had never heard of such a thing as women having “squirting” orgasms, at least not on purpose. Neither had anyone else in the seminar. It was something “new” and very exciting, but rather confusing and seemed way out of my personal realm-of-possibility, especially in a seminar like this, where we were sitting in rows of chairs as if we were in a biology class. I found Deborah to be quite charming and knowledgeable, and interviewed her on my show a couple of times, but didn’t get an intimate lesson in squirting from her until 12 years later! In the meantime, I would encounter a slightly different approach to the art and science of female ejaculation.

The Braun Method

Years passed, and I didn’t give much thought to female ejaculation until I met one of the most prominent, prolific, “hands-on” (and fingers in) modern crusaders for G-spot female ejaculation, Axel “The G-Man” Braun. Axel (now an award-winning director) is the handsome, nimble-fingered son of renowned Italian sex pioneer and filmmaker Lasse Braun. The elder Braun, an old friend of mine (now dearly departed), had written a booklet, The Nectar of Aphrodite, a sort of G-Spot Female Ejaculation Manifesto based upon his personal research into the phenomenon with 130 different women. Braun the Younger took his father’s work into the next generation of ejaculation.

Axel has long boasted that he can “make any woman squirt.” He almost lives up to his grandiose claim, having succeeded with 12 out of 15 of the women on whom he’s tried his method at the Dr. Susan Block Institute, most notably the vivacious and juicy Shayna Knight. As for the other three: One was deadset against squirting at all; she wanted to prove him wrong, and she did. Another was sick with a 102 degree fever (on another occasion, when she was well, she did squirt). The third admitted that she was too worried about what her jealous boyfriend would think to relax and let anything happen. The other 12, myself among them, all squirted with Axel, even though we’d never squirted before.

The “Braun Method” is all in the finger action. It begins with the woman lying back, legs spread open, her partner (let’s call him the “G-Man”;) at her right side, if he is right-handed. After some sort of foreplay (kissing, oral sex, nipple play, rubbing the clitoris and labia, whatever gets her wet), the G-Man inserts two fingers into her vagina. Axel uses his middle and ring fingers for this, though you might prefer to use your middle and forefingers. Slowly, the G-Man moves his two fingers around inside of her, continuing the foreplay – rubbing her clit, playing with her nipples, lightly spanking her butt, etc. With probing fingers, he locates her G-Spot. He can feel it as a slightly raised, spongy, ridged bump on the “roof” of the vaginal cave. In most women, it is just behind the clitoris, and some experts consider it to be an extension of the clitoris. He then finds the center of this spot, pressing it gently but firmly. This pressure releases a warm flow of fluid, whereupon the G-Man begins vigorously “fingering” her, in and out of her vaginal opening, causing the rapid expulsion of fluid. That is, female ejaculation.

The first time Axel made me squirt was New Year’s 2000. Talk about toasting the New Millennium with my own Cristal Ejaculate! I’d just done a New Year’s show, plus received a particularly good whipping from Axel’s Daddy Lasse on Mario Saucedo’s Bondage Cross, and sat down and up a few times on Mario’s Dildo Chair. All that wild “foreplay” mixed with a few flutes of champagne got me loosened and lubricated for adventure. While Lasse was whipping me, Axel was whispering into my ear that he wanted to make me squirt.

I’d seen several women ejaculate – Deborah, Kiss, Annie Sprinkle and Carol Queen, to name a few – but I’d never been able to do it myself, not that I’d really tried. I was also one of those skeptics who wondered if it wasn’t just peeing while you’re coming. Not that there’s anything wrong with a nice golden shower, but well, that’s just peeing.

But Axel and Lasse both, each commandeering one of my ears, promised me it wasn’t just peeing. Moreover, Axel insisted he could make me squirt without my knowing how to do a thing. As soon as I agreed, Axel disappeared into the bathroom to wash up. Emerging with sleeves rolled up and hands raised, he looked like a surgeon about to operate, or a magician showing he had nothing up his sleeve.

Just to prove to myself that it wasn’t urine, I took a nice long whiz right before sitting down with Axel. As I was already highly aroused and very wet thanks to all that whipping and whispering, Axel didn’t have to do much in the way of foreplay. He slid his middle and ring fingers easily between my inner labia and into my vagina and immediately began probing around for my G-Spot. Once he located the raised spongy spot under the roof of my vaginal cave, he pressed it gently yet firmly. I felt a slight pinprick sensation, followed by a gushing feeling in my womb, at which point Axel began his dynamic forceful fingering technique. In and out, in and out. I felt like I was blacking out, but I could hear the oohing and ahhing of spectators around me. Actually, I felt kind of like a human washing machine (in a good way!) on rinse cycle. My eyes were closed, so I couldn’t see myself squirt, but when I was done, everyone assured me that I had, indeed, ejaculated. I also noticed that Axel’s arm and the towel I sat on, as well as the sofa under it, were soaked with my bountiful juices. Later, I looked at the video. Yes, indeed, there I was, squirting like a burst water pipe.

These juices did not smell like pee. They smelled like pussy.

As for the orgasm itself, it was intense, a little bit painful, and exhilarating like a roller coaster ride, leaving me breathless, dizzy and more than a little worn out. A few minutes afterwards, I found myself feeling hornier than usual and wound up having a lot of wild wet sex that night. No more squirting, but some of my deepest, longest, juiciest orgasms ever.

From 2000-2004, I experienced G-spot female ejaculation about a half dozen more times, all with the G-Man, a frequent guest at my Speakeasy. Though I couldn’t yet squirt with my husband or other sexual partners, I noticed that my regular orgasms became stronger, longer and more frequent than ever, and I seemed to lubricate more easily and copiously than before.

Ivona’s Way

During this time, I met Ivona Diamond. When Ivona came to the Dr. Susan Block Institute, she had never squirted before. One night after the show, Axel asked her if she’d like to try it. Ivona’s boyfriend Larry went down on her as I played with her nipples. Then she let Axel’s fingers do the walking, using the Braun Method to make her ejaculate forcefully within about 10 minutes. Ivona is a very sensuous, adventurous woman. So no one was too surprised when she let loose and squirted up a small tropical storm. Still it was a baptismal sexual revelation. Soon Ivona became a Squirting Star. She squirted for me at my birthday party and at the first show on my broadcast bed at a new building of ours. Just as they christen a new ship with champagne, we uncorked our own personal Sex Bubbly to kick off a new era for the show in our beautiful virgin space. She squirted on her own birthday and for Halloween. She squirts regularly at home too.

Ivona still enjoys G-spot female ejaculation according to the Braun Method, which Larry mastered along with oral sex. But Ivona taught herself to squirt quite profusely with no fingering at all. With nothing but the firm pressure of her favorite plug-in vibrator, Mr. Hitachi, on her clitoris, labia and pushed-out G-Spot, Ivona can spray like a turbo-charged sprinkler system in a matter of seconds.

How does she do it? Goddess only knows, but she does it almost every time. Some women are squirting naturals; they do it without even trying. In fact, if they haven’t been educated about female ejaculation or if they have ignorant lovers, they may even be embarrassed about it, though, of course, they shouldn’t be. Ivona’s not exactly a natural. She didn’t start squirting until the G-Man pressed her button. But she does practice and, at this point, she can pretty much squirt on command. Here’s her essential routine: She lies down, head propped against pillows, legs bent and spread wide, buns raised up slightly off the bed. She lubricates her sizeable clitoris and abundant inner labia with her saliva (or Larry’s), then pulls those big wet butterfly lips open, placing Mr. Hitachi’s head right under her clitoris and over her spread labia. Then she presses Mr. Hitachi down, turning him on high speed, raising her butt, breathing deep, squeezing and releasing her kegel or pubococcygeous (PC) muscles and gently but firmly pushing out her G-spot so that it is stimulated by Mr. Hitachi. After a minute or two, or maybe at the most, three, her eyes squeeze shut and a high-pitched moan emerges from her throat. A second or two later, the geyser erupts. It lasts up to five seconds. The amount of ejaculate that she releases ranges from not much more than a sparkly spritz of pussy perfume to a dazzling, gushing tsunami of amrita. Her secret? Practice, she says. Also, she says it’s easier to for her to squirt a lot when she hasn’t done it for a couple of weeks. Just like guys.

Annie Body: Squirting Superstar

Most of us can only squirt once or twice in a session. Some women are squirters unlimited. Take the amazing Annie Body who made her first appearance on my show in February, 2002. It was a low-key night with no other guests and no studio audience. Just me, my staff and Annie. Ms. Body, with her horn-rimmed glasses, naturally faded jeans and form-fitting lavender and purple toe socks, looked more like a college biology major than the porn star she is. Little did I know that this sweet, petite, slightly nerdy-looking young lady would turn out to be one of my hottest, wettest, wildest guests ever, and I’d discover exciting aspects of female biology I’d never witnessed before.

At first, Annie just bounced around like a sexual puppy, licking me everywhere and doing it doggystyle with her friend AIN‘s Steve Nelson. But it wasn’t long before we witnessed a rather remarkable aspect of Annie’s body. That is, when Steve gently but firmly slapped her clitoris and swollen labia with his penis, she started squirting profusely. Wow! What a splash! I’d never seen a woman emit so much fluid! Steve could only cock-slap for so long, but Annie kept on squirting, like a backyard sprinkler. Then she let me do it. I’d never before made a woman squirt by my own hand! But I had no trouble making Annie squirt, spray, ejaculate and come like the Trevi Fountain over and over again, just by lightly slapping her engorged vulva.. I must admit it was a thrill, and I gave Annie a big hug and kiss for making it so easy for me.. She was ecstatic because, she said, this was only the second time she’d squirted in her life! I wasn’t sure what to make of that. But I felt this was indeed a very special occasion. All that squirting made Annie thirsty. She took a long slurp of ice water and spit it out, reminding me of how much squirting is like spitting. Her saliva traveled across the bed like a cruise missile, hitting Steve in just the right spot. Then she went, lickety-spit to lick up her spit, and wound up giving him a very nice blowjob.

That, of course, is another story. I didn’t see Annie again until 2004 when she came back to squirt even more voluminously on several shows in succession, including “Bonobos and Missionaries in the Squirting Pussy Rainforest,” “Faith-Based Sex,” “Dommes & Hollie” and “Future Sex.” That last show featured another female ejaculator, Avy Lee Roth (80s rock star David Lee Roth’s porn star daughter), who had squirted once on another one of my shows, “Latina Orgasmical” while singing “Girl You Got Me” along with her dad. Squirting is so rock ‘n roll.

The Sundahl Method

But the most important session of female ejaculation we’ve ever had here at the Institute would have to be the long, erotic, highly educational, soaking wet night we call Dr. Suzy’s Squirt Salon(s). It was indeed a baptismal sexual revelation. My featured guest was noted FE expert Deborah Sundahl. Deborah stayed over at the Institute for a few days before the show. While she was here, I read her book Female Ejaculation & the G-Spot. One afternoon, I went up to the roof to do my usual yoga exercises, and I brought the book and a little hand mirror with me. There I was all alone with a panoramic view of Los Angeles, a towel, a pussy mirror, and this book on how to squirt. Sometimes I get aroused from just going through various yoga positions, and this was one of those times. I picked up the book and reread the parts with directions on how to squirt.

Learning about sex from books isn’t for everybody. But books have always helped me with my own sexuality. I learned how to have my first orgasm from Betty Dodson‘s Sex for One (then entitled Liberating Masturbation). That afternoon, I learned how to female ejaculate on my own from Deborah’s book. Of course, the book is much more detailed than this essay, and I highly recommend it if you’re interested in learning to squirt. But here’s essentially what I did: First, I urinated downstairs before I went up on the roof. Then I found my private spot, spread out my towel and did about 30 minutes of slow sensuous yoga, breathing deeply, squeezing and releasing my PC muscles, concentrating on the pleasurable feelings in my body in general and my genitalia in particular. Next, I licked my fingers, and stuck my hands in my panties (I didn’t feel quite certain enough that I wouldn’t be seen to get completely naked. I rubbed my now juicy clitoris until I was very excited but not orgasming. Then, I stuck my index finger inside my vagina, crooking it into the “come hither” position, and rubbed and pressed my G-spot, feeling the ridges on the bump just an inch up from the entrance.

I took my time. I didn’t try to ejaculate, didn’t really expect to ejaculate. I just focused on the pleasurable feelings in my G-spot. I felt it growing, swelling, enlarging against my finger. As Deborah’s book suggested, I let it build and grow bigger and fuller. Every so often, I’d stop and breathe deep, and on the out-breath, I pushed as if I was going to pee, but I didn’t pee. I just pushed out my G-Spot, so it was practically outside my labia. Sometimes it felt as if my G-spot was ballooning out on its own.

Deborah cautions against pushing too hard and straining yourself. But I found that pushing out slowly and gently did lead me to squirt. That’s right, I had my very first self-propelled female ejaculation experience, with Deborah’s book in one hand as my other hand rubbed and pressed my G-spot. I first felt it on my finger, then I pulled out my finger along with a stream of hot flowing ejaculate that wound up soaking my panties, the towel and the book, and seemed to make the police helicopter circling above me screech to a halt in the sky. I sniffed my soaked panties and was pleased to find them smelling very faintly of flowers, certainly not of urine. I floated blissfully on my wet towel under the clouds for who knows how long. Then I ran downstairs to show Deborah who sniffed my panties and squealed with delight. “Congratulations, Suzy, you ejaculated!”

Leila’s Tantric Ejaculation

The next night, I held the Squirt Salon(s) with Deborah, Annie and a lovely lady named Leila Swan, whom I dubbed the “Missionary of Squirting,” since she hails from an Evangelical Christian background. Leila’s father was a preacher who baptized people in the river; now she baptizes her lovers with ejaculate. Leila told the story of how she left her home on a farm, went to Hawaii and got involved in Tantric sex, awakened her ability to ejaculate. It’s not surprising that the techniques of Tantra, including deep breathing, PC muscle exercise, extended attention to female pleasure and male self-control, and maximizing a woman’s orgasmic potential, would sometimes result in female ejaculation.

After Leila’s story, a young lady named Maria called in on the show from the San Fernando Valley and told us that she was a squirter who had never been with another woman, and she could stop fantasizing about that. As Maria masturbated, I wove a story out of the reality of four hot women getting ready to squirt all over each other in her bed. Maria moaned and said she ejaculated. Next Richard called in from West LA, and asked for help in finding the G-spot. At this point, Deborah gave Richard – and the audience – a detailed, very close-up, anatomy lesson in how to find the G-spot, using Leila’s beautiful G-Spot as a model. I invited our cameras to go “spelunking” into Leila’s vaginal cave. Deborah said that never before had the G-spot been shown in such intimate, close-up detail. Then, she located Annie’s G-spot. Finding it was so stimulating that Annie gave Deborah a very wet surprise! Just being a diagram made her squirt!

Then Ken called in from Texas, and told the story of his first-time experience with a woman who ejaculated. He asked what shape penis is best for getting a woman to squirt. Deborah explained that it didn’t really matter because even the light touch of a finger can get a girl to ejaculate, as she had just demonstrated with Annie. But Annie and Leila insisted that a curved cock is best for *hitting the spot.* All this talk about cocks and curves got Annie very excited, so she spread out an American flag towel, sat down on it with her legs spread wide, started fingering her G-spot and slapping her clitoris, and before we could say, Tidal wave!” she was squirting up a storm, a flowing Fountain of Venus.. Soon, everyone was covered in ejaculate.

“You want to get fucked really hard,” Deborah said to Annie.

“You want to fuck me?” Annie challenged the teacher.

Deborah accepted the challenge and proceeded to use her strong, skilled fingers to give Annie several more astounding ejaculatory orgasms, all the while explaining exactly what she is doing for the benefit of the audience. Then Annie squirted into a glass bowl, and I poured the ejaculate into a champagne flute, which we all passed around, sniffed and even sipped. Everyone agreed that the liquid looked, tasted and smelled nothing like urine. Trying to describe it was difficult though, like explaining fine wine!

To top off her performance, Annie fisted herself! Then she ran off to get her strap-on, and Leila assumed center stage to demonstrate the art and science of female ejaculation with toys, using a curved G-Spot Stimulator Magic Wand and a small vibrating egg.

Leila’s ejaculate was not as forceful as Annie’s, but just as beautiful, a bit lighter and more delicate in delivery, but almost as profuse. Leila squirts more than a bowlful, and we poured her nectar into another champagne flute, sipped and compared it with Annie’s. Then Leila’s lover, Big D, entered the scene, showing his sexual mettle by taking a large swig of Leila’s ejaculate from the champagne flute and smacking his lips with pleasure. Since Big D was wearing a skirt (well, a kilt), I assumed he wanted someone to lift it. So I did, only to find out just why he is called Big D. Leila proceeded to give him expert, loving fellatio, as Johnny from Hollywood called in, eager to see my G-spot…

I wasn’t quite ready for that, so I took a call from Joyce in Iowa. Joyce boasted about her ability to squirt six feet, then proceeded to masturbate quite audibly as Leila rode Big D’s big dick, bringing both Joyce and Leila to fantastic squirting orgasms. Then Mike called in from New York with statistical questions like “How much can a woman squirt?” which Deborah tried to answer as best as she could, with a veritable orgy going on around us. As Leila turned and rode Big D reverse-cowgirl style, we took another close-up look at Leila’s G-spot. After all that riding and squirting, Leila’s G-spot was more than twice the size it was before! It was so big and expressive; it seemed to speak to us. I called it “Pussy Talk,” a show within the show.

After a little cartoony Pussy Talk, we went to a deeper level, discussing the profound emotional aspects of the G-spot, the “Gateway to Higher Love.” Then it was Deborah’s turn. She showed her own G-spot to one of my cameras, as Annie and our other camera went out into the studio audience, finding couples and threesomes inspired to make love by all the exhilarating ejaculation action on the bed.

I Squirt with Deborah

Then Deborah offered to help me find my G-spot. This seemed like a fun idea. I had, of course, found it with my fingers many times, and gotten a glimpse of it in the mirror when I was on the roof. However, I’d never before seen it bigger than life on a television monitor. This would be very cool. But first I had to pee. After all, the Squirt Salon is a pretty long, intimate show with no breaks. So I decided to pee right on camera into a “pee pot” that we keep handy for such occasions. Since I was in the mood for making a statement, I grabbed a photoshopped photo of our President giving me head and stuck it into the pot. Then I “Peed on Bush,” releasing a stream of my political frustration along with my golden showers. Annie and Kim also peed on Bush. With this, it was apparent to all that our pee was very different from the ejaculate. It was yellow, smelled strongly of urine and had a noticeably thinner texture than the female ejaculate.

Then it was time for my own G-Spot Revelation. I leaned back against the pillows, opened my legs, breathed deep and pushed out as Deborah stimulated my G-spot with her forefinger. She rubbed it very slowly, telling me to relax, not an easy thing for me to do while I’m hosting a show. Of course, I had relaxed and ejaculated on the roof the day before. But I’d been alone and had plenty of time. Now I had an audience, including cameras. Of course, I’d done it on the show with Axel several times in the past. But he had really done all the “work.” It didn’t matter what I did; he just whipped the ejaculate right out of me. According to the Sundahl Method, I am more in control of my own ejaculation. So I had to really relax and feel the pleasure. To accomplish that, I imagined I was at the beach with waves crashing between my thighs. I closed my eyes, trying to forget the cameras and the audience. I breathed deep, and pushed out, feeling the pleasurable sensations of Deborah’s finger gently rubbing my most intimate swelling spot, and then the next thing I knew, I was ejaculating ~ twice! What a surprise! I was speechless…for about a minute.

Then I called for champagne, and all the Squirting Stars came together for a giddy, Dionysian celebration, kind of a cross between a women’s consciousness-raising group and a drunken orgy. I was on a roll. With Deborah’s help, I ejaculated a third time. An erotic “After-Party” followed with masked dancing and more squirting hot sex. With Annie’s help, I ejaculated a fourth time. The evening climaxed, fittingly enough, with Big D climaxing, providing a nice reminder that men squirt too! Praise the Lord and the Lady. We are all loving, squirting beings.

Since the night of the Squirt Salon(s), I’ve drenched many towels in squirting sex with my husband. I’ve also hosted other wet shows, including Faith-Based Sex, Squirt Crazy, Dommes & Hollie, Spring Showers, and Double-Annie Squirting Anniversary which featured 21-year-old Squirting Star Annie Cruz, as well as our beloved Rainforest Princess Annie Body.

Can You Learn to Squirt?

So, can you learn to squirt? Yes, you can! But will you? To some degree, it’s up to you. As with any kind of learning, the first thing you need is motivation. Some, maybe most, women are just not motivated to do this, and that’s fine. Female ejaculation is optional. You certainly don’t have to ejaculate to be a happy, healthy, orgasmic, sexual woman. Some women aren’t interested. Some just don’t have the time. When you’re worried about where your next meal is coming from, squirting is not at the top of your list of things to do. For some, it’s “against their religion,” which says only men should wear the pants and do the squirting in the family. Some women think men don’t like it. Fact is that some men do; some don’t. The ones that do tend to be the kind that really enjoy and seek out women’s pleasure, and aren’t too fussy about getting soaked with a splash of amrita.

Speaking of which, there are practical issues. Some women don’t like sleeping on wet sheets. I confess this to be one of my own problems with squirting regularly. This is one reason why I, like so many women, tend to hold back from ejaculating during sex; then, at a certain point, I tell my lover, “I gotta go pee,” then run into the bathroom and squirt into the toilet. Yes, the mess is an issue. Female ejaculate doesn’t stain, but it does tend to soak everything within a 1-6 foot radius; just think of spilling a glass of water in bed. You can put a towel down, but a really good squirt soaks right through the towel. Best to do it in the bath, on a nice clean floor, on the roof, or best of all, in a bed you won’t be sleeping in that night.

Face it, G-spot female ejaculation is one of those decadent pleasures, like fresh oysters, that require the right circumstances and preparation, as well as post-pleasure clean-up. Is it worth it? Well, aren’t fresh oysters worth it, at least occasionally? Yes, they can be bitches to crack open, but if you succeed, you have yourself a real treat. So, isn’t reaching a new height in sexual pleasure worth a little effort? I think so. But then, I love fresh oysters. At least, occasionally.

Once you’ve got the motivation, you might find yourself squirting like a sprinkler system with just a little concentration and some good G-spot rubbing sex. More likely, you’ll need some instruction, which you can obtain through books, videos, the personal touch, whatever works for you. Then again, maybe this little essay is enough to get you going, or perhaps you need to read Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot and/or watch the Squirt Salon(s) or another show or clip on the subject. Some of you may need more instruction than others. Some of you may have psychological or physiological *learning disabilities* that plug up your porthole, so to speak. Don’t be discouraged. If you really want to squirt, eventually you probably will. Most of us hold it back for myriad reasons, good and bad, crazy and sane, conscious and unconscious. But we can all squirt. Remember: the human body is about 75 per cent H2O. It’s just a question of letting a little out.

Yes, indeed, Brothers & Sisters, Lovers & Sinners. Let the holy water shoot forth! Squirt Bombs produce Shock and Awe with Zero Casualties. Squirt for joy! Squirt for peace. Flood the world with pleasure. Cover the earth in cum. At least, occasionally…

Addendum (May 2015):

Since I wrote this essay over 10 years ago, I’ve squirted hundreds of times. I’ve also helped dozens of women to squirt, some for the first time. Others are Squirting Stars, like Deauxma, Eden Alexander, Rainey Lain, Kartier, Vicky Vixen, Alexandra Silk and many more.

During this time, several naysayers have said denied the existence of female ejaculation, as well as the G-Spot itself, citing specious, sloppy studies and fluid-phobic old wives’ tales. But many others, including myself, have defended the reality of the G-Spot and squirting, with eloquence, experience and science. So… let the rivers flow and the geysers shoot! Don’t be afraid… it’s Holy Water, Brothers and Sisters!

Need to talk about squirting or any other aspect of human sexuality? Call Us Now:
626.461.5949

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Many of Dr. Susan Block’s fans and clients discovered her on one of her HBO specials. Since the 1990s, HBO’s RADIO SEX TV with Dr. Susan Block, Off the Dial and Dr. Suzy’s Speakeasy on Real Sex have swept the ratings with sex, fun and wisdom like nothing else you’ve ever seen on TV.

HBO calls Dr. Block “radio’s sexiest, funniest, most outrageous sex therapist,” and says “if conversation is a sex act, then this Yale graduate has a very talented tongue.” In her extraordinary Radio Sex TV shows, Dr. Block unleashes a fascinating open forum on human sexuality with a variety of radio callers and guests. Broadcasting live on the radio from her big brass bed in her beautiful boudoir-studio, she discusses all kinds of sexual subject–from male and female genital anatomy to secret love affairs, from female ejaculation to vibrator addiction–with intelligence, sensitivity, wit and panache.

RADIO SEX TV and OFF THE DIAL take HBO viewers behind the scenes–and into her bed–to see just how Dr. Block practices what she preaches! And as if that weren’t enough, these amazing, uplifting, unabashed, unprecedented shows actual climax with Dr. Block (and some of her guests) climaxing!! The first “Radio Sex TV” featured the first real female orgasm broadcast on national TV!

“Dr. Suzy’s Speakeasy” is part of HBO’s Real Sex series, a heartwarming, thought-provoking short documentary on the extraordinarily erotic Grand Opening of the Speakeasy in Downtown LA.

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