by Susan M Block, PhD

What is it about some people’s feet that makes other people wild with desire? Who is a foot fetishist? A foot hedonist? A foot lover?

Feet are two of the most denigrated parts of the human body. We literally step on them all day. Rarely pleasured, often overworked, we walk, run, hike, dance and jump on our feet. Indeed, our feet are the slaves or pack mules of the rest of our bodies. Yet feet can command tremendous passion in some people. There are Leg Men, Breast Men, Bun Men, and there are Feet Men (or maybe it’s Foot Men). But unlike breasts, legs and buns, the charms of feet are rarely examined, except by podiatrists, pedicurists, foot fetishists, foot hedonists and shoe salesmen.

Though my doctorate’s in philosophy, not podiatry, I’ve studied the pleasures of feet for many years in my famous Foot Fetish Salons, as well as through my radio, TV and Internet shows, my private sex therapy practice and in my own personal life. Why feet? I love to explore love in all its many splendored aspects, and the foot is an aspect of love. After all, even if you’re not “into” feet, if you love someone, you love them head-to-toe, right?

The first part of my body I let my husband Max touch was my feet. Now that we’re married, there isn’t a part of me that he hasn’t touched (well, I won’t let him pick my nose). But during our courtship, I wanted to take it slow, so I wouldn’t let him move his horny hands much above my knee. But I did let him play with my feet, and oh, how he played with my feet! He caressed my ankles, massaged my arches, kissed my soles and sucked my toes; he literally made love to my feet. And my feet fell in love with him. And even now that we’re married and having all kinds of sex, there’s a very special relationship between Max and my feet.

Foot Fetish Types

Before I get more personal, let’s return to our general discussion of foot fetishism. According to most experts (as well as my own informal but extensive research), it’s mostly males who are aroused by female feet. Of course, gay and bisexual male foot fetishists do like men’s feet, sometimes quite intensely. And some lesbians are turned on by women’s feet. As for straight women, they might be turned on by a man’s feet, and several ave deeply enjoyed pleasuring their male partners’ feet at our Foot Fetish Salons. But women very rarely lust after men’s feet, at least not to the fetishistic extent that so many guys lust after ladies’ feet. Thus, when I speak of foot fetishists, I usually refer to them as male.

What do foot fetishists like about feet? Preferences for foot types vary. Some crave big giantess feet, though most go for small and dainty. Some like dirty feet, though most prefer clean. Some like feet of a particular race, tanned feet, athletic feet, high arches, polished toe nails, high heels, leather boots, sandals, stockings, toe cleavage or toe rings. Some adore massaging, pampering and pedicuring feet. Others want to be walked on. There are foot-lickers, toe-suckers, heel-sniffers, arch-ticklers and Imelda Marcos types just into shoes. Some go for stockings, often relishing the powerful aroma of just-worn nylons. Some couples do 69, but instead of having oral sex, they suck each other’s toes. Some guys love to masturbate against a woman’s foot, or use her big toe like a butt plug. Others are into foot bondage; they like to tie feet up and torture or tickle them.

Still others are “crush” or “squish” fetishists. They like to watch women step in things, or on things like grapes, jello, dolls, bugs. Their ultimate fantasy is to be mashed under the foot of a “50-foot woman,” but since that – if it were possible – would be terminal, they satisfy their lust by voyeuristically watching ladies’ feet wreak destruction on other crushable items. Usually these items are inanimate objects, fruits, vegetables or eggs, though occasionally they can involve crushing living creatures such as insects or mice. This is where I personally draw the line, as it involves torturing and killing defenseless animals. Though I do love the crush-lovers who keep their fetish to fruits and veggies. I’ve had tremendous fun stomping on grapes or squishing my toes through cake and then letting a foot lover or two lick and suck it all off.

Foot Lovers vs. Foot Fetishists

What makes a foot lover a foot fetishist? Both the intensity and exclusivity of the desire. If you’d rather have sex with your lover’s feet than any other body parts, or if you must focus on feet to reach orgasm, or if you’d usually rather screw a shoe than a person, you’re a foot fetishist. The technical term is “podophiliac.” If you are turned on by attractive feet or sexy shoes, but your sexuality doesn’t completely revolve around them, you’re more what I’d call a foot lover, a foot appreciator, or maybe you just playing footsie. You don’t have to be a certifiable foot fetishist to appreciate feet, or to enjoy having your feet appreciated.

In the classic sense, a “fetishist” invests god-like magical powers into the fetish object. The true foot fetishist objectifies, glorifies and downright deifies the foot, or shoe, or the foot in the shoe, with or without the stocking, being licked, caressed, massaged, worshipped, tickled, bedecked in jewels or stepping on something squishy.

Roots of a Foot Fetish

Why do foot fetishists fetishize feet? For as many different reasons as there are different foot fetishists. But typically, fetishes begin in early childhood. As a toddler toddles and crawls, exploring the world, feet are often the first part of Mommy that he encounters. There is a theory that says that if a mother doesn’t pick up and hold a child very often, his main physical contact with her will be with her feet; thus, he is more likely to develop a foot fetish. This is by no means a hard and fast rule, just a theory.

Intense childhood experiences with the feet of other relatives, like older sisters or cousins, as well as friends and, most notoriously, babysitters, may also lead one to become a foot fetishist. Mothers, beware the babysitter with the pretty pedicured toes, strappy sandals and an attitude; she may inspire your child to like feet! On second thought, what’s so terrible if your kid likes feet? You could do worse. As long as he’s capable of love – and if you love him, hold him and give him affection, he’ll probably be capable of love – what difference does it make if he’s into feet or breasts, armpits or elbows?

But what about those foot fetishists who are so obsessed with feet that they truly can’t get above the ankle, and love a whole human being? One reason fetishists become *obsessed* is they feel that their interest in feet is wrong. Whenever we feel that something we crave sexually is wrong or shameful, it becomes ultra-exciting in a naughty way. But it also becomes frustrating and disturbing, as we can’t integrate it into our everyday lives. Ultimately, it makes us feel bad about ourselves, sometimes even incapable of love. Most sex criminals have desires they feel ashamed of. Even if you’ve never done anything illegal, if you’re deeply ashamed of your sexuality – whether you’re a foot fetishist or just a garden variety sex maniac – your love life is bound to be troubled.

Sharing Your Foot Fetish with Someone You Love

So many foot fetishists are married to women with whom they never share their desire. Why not? They’re ashamed to reveal their true feelings. And the real shame is that some of their wives would enjoy a nice foot rub or foot licking, if it’s presented well. They might even enjoy wearing fetishistic shoes or stockings. They might even be closet “foot hedonists.” But their husbands view their own erotic interest in feet as something perverted that they couldn’t possibly share with someone they love.

If you have a foot fetish, I hope you can share it with someone you love. Some men are adamantly against this. They wouldn’t want to share their foot fetish with their wives even if their wives wanted them to. Their foot fetish is an obsessive masturbatory interest, something they would only share with a therapist, phone sex worker, prostitute or dominatrix, not a wife or girlfriend. These men generally feel tremendous shame about their feelings and are afraid to share them with someone they really care about. They can be mortally afraid of being rejected by wives or girlfriends for being “perverted” or having a “fetish.”

There are simple, effective ways of introducing your foot fetish to the lady in your life without much risk of rejection or humiliation. You probably shouldn’t call it a “fetish” that sounds kind of scary to most people. But you can use creative and sensuous ways to integrate your favorite forms of foot play into your lovemaking.

For example, if you’ve just gone on a long hike with a lady, offer to give her a foot massage. Most women won’t refuse a nice foot rub. You might wash her feet first, if they’re sweaty and you prefer clean feet. Foot washing is a sensuous, loving activity. Even Jesus washed the feet of his disciples before the Last Supper. As you massage her toes, you can tell her how beautiful they are. If she reacts well to the compliment, try going further. Give her big toe a little kiss. Seduce her feet gradually, and they will fall in love with you. That’s how my own feet fell in love with my Max, and the rest of me soon followed.

What About Shoes and Boots?

A fetish for shoes or boots also tends to be conditioned in early childhood or adolescence, just like the fetish for feet and most other things.. By the way, the shoe fetish is not limited to humans. At least one male chimpanzee raised in captivity developed a bit of a shoe fetish, masturbating obsessively by rubbing his caretaker’s leather boot. Boot Time for Bonzo, indeed.

High heels are the most fetishized type of shoe. They began with Catherine de Medici, a 16th century Italian who married Henry II of France. The petite Catherine had shoes custom-designed to give her height, starting a high heel rage among the French. A fetish often starts as a fashion. High heels go both ways. They started as a fashion in the 1700s, and became a fetish, probably around the 1800s. But then fetishistic shoes often become quite fashionable, sometimes worn by young ladies who don’t have the slightest idea that they are wearing objects of intense fetishistic desire on their innocent feet.

Submissive men find the extremely spiked heel menacingly arousing, like a lethal feminine weapon. Sadomasochistic pictorials often show a woman’s stiletto resting on the neck or genitals of a submissive male. A shoe slave might adore the smell of the leather shoe mixed with a woman’s foot smell. He might enjoy licking his mistress’s boots or crave being humiliated by having a shoe strapped around his face or a high heel “force” into his anus.

Dominant men also tend to like high heels, but for totally different reasons. A dominant male might like the way that high heels alter a woman’s posture, creating a more dramatic curve of the spine that makes her butt and calves seem rounder, her thighs seem thinner, her breasts stick out, and gives her hips that sexy sway when she walks. This precarious “wiggly walk” appeals to the traditional man’s desire to protect a fragile woman, or maybe to pounce on her. After all, how far can she run? Those first Italian leather heels were so difficult to maneuver in that male escorts had to carry high-heeled ladies up and down stairs. High heels are much easier to walk in nowadays, and they still have a way of compelling a gentleman to be gallant or aggressive. Many men and women are aroused by frailty in the object of their desire. Politically incorrect as it may be, this is part of our prehistoric predatory attraction to the weak, and it underlies the feeling of power that many men feel when they see a woman in precarious high heels.

Many foot fanciers love sandals, combining the leather shoe with naked toes. The sandal fetish is as old as the Bible. “How beautiful are thy feet in sandals” is a line from the erotic lovers’ dialogue in The Song of Songs, attributed to King Solomon who is said to have had 1000 wives. That’s 2000 feet, 10,000 toes – wow, there must have been some bill from the palace pedicurist!

Bound Feet

The Chinese have had the longest, most controversial love affair with feet. Foot-binding was practiced from the T’ang Dynasty in the 10th century through the 1930’s. A girl’s feet were first bound at age five or so, continuing until they quit growing at around 18. This resulted in a foot about 2″ wide and 4″ long, with a very soft curved sole that made walking extremely difficult. There are a few theories about the popularity of foot-binding. The binding of a woman’s feet certainly made her more dependent and, as mentioned, many men are aroused by feminine fragility. Indeed, bound feet were a status symbol, like the aristocratic Chinese man’s long fingernails; both handicaps attributed to the wealthy, leisurely life.

There were various erotic purposes for these soft bowed little feet, crippled as they were. Women masturbated by rubbing their feet together. Lesbians maneuvered their feet into each other’s vaginas. Men indulged in licking these podophilic delicacies, being brought to orgasm by a woman’s curved arches, and performing fellatio on her big toe. Well, I suppose there are a few odd benefits to bound feet, but, all in all, I prefer being able to walk.

It isn’t only the old Chinese that appreciate “bound feet”; Many Western foot fetishists enjoy tying up a woman’s pretty feet, often in intricate ways, such as with toes tied apart. A foot sadist would like to torture the lady’s feet. A tickle fetishist would prefer to tickle the feet, perhaps with his fingers or some other tickling instrument. A milder, more sensuous form of foot-tickling may be done with a feather. Sadistic foot-ticklers derive pleasure from tickling a victim’s feet until he or she is gasping for breath or screaming with laughter. For a tickler, the sounds of the lady’s shrieks and giggles are just as arousing as the sight of her helpless feet.

Foot Hedonism

As for me, I am what I call a “foot hedonist.” I love to have my feet pleasured, in part, because I step all on them all the time, squeezing them into heels, dancing all over them, and it feels so good to have them treated well. I have also noticed that the best foot love makes the rest of me feel better too. I enjoy having my feet bathed, massaged, rubbed with oil, kissed and adored. Sometimes the pleasure does involve considerable pain, as in when I get my feet massaged, though the end result of a good result massage is a tremendous feeling of release, comparable to the release one feels after orgasm. I call myself a foot hedonist because – orgasmic pleasure or healing pain – I enjoy having erotic attention paid to my feet.

Foot hedonists like me are often attracted to foot lovers like Max. If you’re a sensuous foot fetishist, you would do well to seek out a foot hedonist who would appreciate your interest in feet. But to serve a foot hedonist well, you must be sensitive to the needs of her feet, not just totally wrapped up in your own foot fetish.

Foot Massage

Whether you’re a true foot worshipper or just an average sex fiend, foot massage is a superb aphrodisiac. Often, when I think I’m too tired or tense for sex, all Max has to do is massage my little tootsies and I get wetter and hotter than an oil slick in August.

Foot massage is also a great way to be sensual without getting directly sexual on a date. As a first move, it’s pretty rude for a dude to say “May I squeeze your breasts?” But it’s quite all right to say “May I give you a foot massage?” Especially if you’ve just gone out dancing. And it’s good for you! Reflexology and shiatsu are massage systems based upon the tiny electrical reflexes on the bottoms of your feet which correspond to parts of your body. When you massage one of these pressure points, you stimulate the analogous body part with healing energy.

It’s an excellent tension releaser. Sometimes screamingly so. When Max massages my toes after a stressful day, I shriek to high heaven! Max doesn’t just rub my feet; he rolfs them; the neighbors probably think he beats me. Sometimes I feel obliged to yell: “He’s not beating me! He’s massaging my feet!” It’s kind of embarrassing, but truly amazing. When I have a headache or stomach ailment, it usually vanishes when Max massages my feet. Then he gets aroused, and we have sex.

Here’s a helpful hint for footlickers: If you want to suck your lover’s toes, but she’s just too ticklish to take it, try massaging her foot first. This tends to relax it so it won’t go into shock when it goes in your mouth. Sometimes, when I’m getting my big toe rubbed and sucked just right, I have a positively orgasmic response. I call it a “toegasm.” And if Max is pleasuring my foot while I’m masturbating, I have an orgasmic-toegasmic climax that takes me over the moon and a few other planets as well.

For a sensual foot massage, use oil or lotion. Every foot lover has a favorite lubricant. Baby oil, almond oil, aloe vera cream are a few popular foot lubricants. Mary Magdalene used myrrh on Jesus’ feet. Try flavored oil so you can suck your lover’s toes after rubbing. Foot pleasuring is an ancient art. And foot massage is one of the most perfect safe sex activities; it’s healthy, sexy and doesn’t involve an exchange of body fluids – unless your feet are really sweaty.

Smelling and Tasting the Feet

Speaking of sweat, foot-sniffing excites many foot lovers. Some foot-sniffers like it because it smells really good, while others want feet to smell really “bad.” For shoe enthusiasts, the smell of the shoe – that heady mixture of sweat and leather or rubber – can be extremely arousing.

Smelling, of course, can lead to eating. Max loves eating various foods off of my feet. I cover my toes with caviar and sour cream, chocolate syrup or honey, and he licks it right up, savoring each saucy digit. His favorite podophilic cuisine is toes dipped in cocktail sauce with fresh shrimps in between, a succulent hors d’oeuvre before a full meal of sex. Since “shrimping” is slang for toe-sucking, we call this a “shrimping cocktail.” At our Foot Fetish Salons, we’ll have shrimping cocktails and “Tequila Toe Shots”: rub salt and lime on the toes, then suck them off and down your shot. Olé!

Toe-Sucking

Many foot fetishists are into toe-sucking. If you’re into feet, then there’s just something inherently suckable about a toe. Is it because toe-sucking is akin to sucking a large nipple? Or a small penis? For some men, sucking a lady’s big toe is a surrogate for sucking another man’s big cock. These men might have homoerotic oral desires that, for one reason or another, they can’t or just don’t express with men. They channel their desire to be with a man into the sucking of a woman’s toe. Does this mean that a man who enjoys sucking women’s toes “should” be sucking a man’s cock? Maybe, maybe not; it depends on the individual.

Foot Slavery

What about foot slaves? A foot slave – usually a he; sometimes a she – loves to be at the feet of his mistress or master, considering this to be his proper place in life. He surrenders himself – body, mind and soul – to his mistress’s feet, with or without the shoes or stockings, depending on the preferences of the mistress and slave. Of course, a woman’s foot is literally the lowest part of her body. Kissing her foot can be humiliating, which is part of the thrill. Since ancient times, the kissing of the foot has been a sign of submission. The foot slave is happy to humble himself like that, to kiss her foot, even the bottom of her shoe, while groveling before her, lying prostrate on the ground, as low as he can go.

Some foot slaves enjoy having the mistress walk on them, sometimes in spiked heels, as if to say, “I’m only worthy of being trampled beneath your feet.” A mistress might kick her foot slave if he’s “bad,” demand he clean her boots with his tongue, or give her a pedicure. If he does a good job, she could reward him by rubbing his throbbing member with the soft sole of her foot, or placing it between her heel and backless slipper.

Some foot slaves exhibit a reverent devotion to the feet of their mistress, their goddess. Their worship is only partly sexual. Some adhere to über-feminist philosophies; believing women to be superior to men. They feel that since most women are not as violent as most men, males need to feel the controlling influence of a female foot on them every so often. The feminist male foot slave surrenders himself to the civilizing, sexual power of Woman via his mistress’ foot or boot, going beyond roleplay into sexual politics. With a philosophy like that, it seems that every feminist should have a foot slave! And every feminist could; there are more than enough foot slaves to go around.

Playing Footsie

Foot fetishism can be a very serious matter. But feet can be fun. Feet can be sweet. Who hasn’t played the piggies game? Some people enjoy foot sex just because it’s not serious, but kind of silly and childlike, much more innocent than adult genitalia. Max likes to talk to each of my toes as he plays with them, treating all ten as individual “girls” with distinct personalities. He handles them like puppets in a Punch & Judy Show with the rest of my foot as the stage. Maybe he should do an act: A Foot Lover & His Favorite Foot…

Foot hedonists like me tend to be playful with our feet. Sometimes, I use my feet like I might use my hands to play with, stroke and even spank Max while we make love. I like to caress his muscular butt with my foot while he goes down on me, and give it a good foot-spanking when I want him to lick me faster.

Whew, all this foot talk is making my toes curl!

I hope this essay has shed some light on your podophilic interests. If you want to attend our next Foot Fetish Salon, coming soon to the Dr. Susan Block Institute, or if you’d just like to find out more about your personal foot fetish, drop me a line or call me at 213.291.9497.

In the meantime…Love your feet. Love your life. I love you.

by Susan M Block, Ph.D.

Notes for Lectures at Yale University,
University of Southern California, the California Graduate Institute, Caltech and on Playboy Radio

The word “fetish” is now quite faddish. We have fetish fashions, fetish games and fetish balls. But what really is a fetish in the classic sense? A fetish is a profound erotic desire for something; it could be a boot, a breast or a burqa. One could also have a fetish for an activity, such as watching, being watched, spanking or being spanked. One can even have a fetish for a concept, like fame, or a feeling, like love. Whatever the fetish object, the fetishist invests in it great power, sometimes great sexual power, sometimes great religious power, sometimes both.

In the classic sense, the sexual fetishist needs the fetish object – or at least, some kind of fantasy of the fetish object – in order to have sex. Psychologists call this a “paraphilia.” The male needs the fetish object to get an erection. For the female, sexual arousal and fetishism are always a little more mysterious and difficult to pinpoint. Let’s just say the female fetishist needs the fetish object to enjoy sex.

Male or female, the fetishist objectifies, glorifies and downright deifies the object, body part, behavior or concept of his or her fetish, above and beyond any mere human being. Take the foot fetishist. For him – or her, but usually him – a beautiful foot is the Foot of the Goddess. In fact, the foot itself is the Goddess. For the leather fetishist, the smell, look and feel of leather is just heavenly, intoxicating, powerful. Then there are the pain fetishists, the martyrs, the bad boys and naughty girls who crave being punished, restrained, tied up, spanked, sometimes even tortured. Often, they fetishize childhood. Many of our fetishes stem from early childhood or adolescence. They seem to have come from intense, often traumatic personal experiences that left an impression on us at a time when we were very impressionable.

But fashion can also be a source of fetishes, and fetishes can be very fashionable. Not all fetishes are in fashion all the time, of course, and the people who struggle most with *fetish guilt,* who worry that they’re “weird,” are the ones with the unfashionable fetishes. “Am I normal?” is the most common question I get on the air and in my private practice. Many an otherwise healthy fetishist’s entire sense of angst stems from little more than being acutely out of fashion. A typical example would be men who like to wear stockings and heels, but happen to live in the 21st century, as opposed to the 18th century when many manly gentlemen, like George Washington and Thomas Jefferson, wore stockings and heels.

What else can be a fetish? Just about anything. But not anything.
What do you think of when you hear the word “fetish” ? What images come to your mind?
Do you have a fetish? Do you know someone who does? Do they enjoy their fetish, or do they have problems with it, or maybe a little bit of both?

Fetish Types

Essentially, there are four types of fetish:

Body Parts
Inanimate Objects
Activities
Feelings or Ideas

Body Part Fetishists worship parts of the human body, like feet, buns, legs, hair, lips, bellybuttons, fingernails, sperm or female ejaculate. Probably the most common body part fetish, at least in America, is the breast fetish. Many an otherwise reasonable man’s life virtually revolves around his pursuit of the perfect boob – big or small, but usually big. Most *breast men* snort with denial if someone suggests that their keen interest in women’s racks might have something to do with their desire to be tiny infants suckling up to Mommy. But what do they know?

The exaltation of the female bosom as a sex symbol, as opposed to a maternal image, is pervasive in our society, making it one of the most acceptable contemporary fetishes, so ubiquitous it’s barely considered a fetish. Yet it is a fetish, since breasts are far more essential to nurturing than to sex. And therein lies the infantile origin of the breast fetish. That deep need we all have for deep nurturance. Sustenance. Comfort. Food. The breast is food, after all. It is that unique part of a woman’s body that actually creates food, the milk of life and love – and fetishes.

Another popular body part fetish is the penis fetish, which is related to penis envy. This is, for the most part, a male fetish. Women generally don’t have penis envy; men do. And not all of these male penis fetishists are gay. Sigmund Freud was definitely onto something when he came up with the powerful notion of “penis envy”; he just attributed it to the wrong gender. For the most part, guys are the ones worrying about how their own penis measures up size-wise with other guys. It’s one of the oldest male sex hang-ups in the book, buttressed by principles of evolution (human penises are much bigger proportionately than our cousin primates). These days, it is intensified by porn which tends to show men with monster cocks, holding many male viewers in a fetishistic phallic thrall. Most male penis fetishists are bisexual, but that doesn’t mean they want romantic relationships with men. They tend to be disinterested in all other aspects of the male body (which is why they are sometimes drawn to transsexuals or she-males), but they are obsessed with the phalluses of other men. Sometimes they want to play with or receive the penis themselves; sometimes they just like to look at well-endowed men having sex with women. Many men feel extremely ambivalent about their penis fetish; it arouses them, but deeply shames them, mostly because they fear that it means they are *gay.* So many men are so ashamed of their penis fetish that the penis, especially the erect penis, is the most taboo human body part in society. Essentially, the only place we can look at erect cocks is in hardcore porn. This fact is one of the secret reasons for porn’s gargantuan success.

Object Fetishists prefer to be intimate with inanimate objects. Unlike body parts, they are not attached to actual human beings with feelings and personalities that could get in the way of the fetishist’s intense erotic adoration and enjoyment. The objects of their desire often function as *surrogates* for corresponding body parts, i.e., the bra instead of the breast, the shoe instead of the foot, the panties instead of the vulva and vagina, the rubber or latex instead of the skin, the dildo instead of the penis. Some common fetish objects include high heels, boots, stockings, pantyhose, panties, leather, rubber, latex, fur (real or fake), corsets, collars and hats.

Object fetishists often become collectors of their favorite fetish objects. They can get into trouble if part of their fetish is to steal other people’s things, of course. But object fetishists are usually quite harmless. And they can be as happy playing with their fetish objects as a child playing with toys. Sometimes the fetish object puts the fetishist into a trance state that he can only be released from with orgasm

Many people are possessed by a fetishistic desire for money, which could be considered a combination object/conceptual fetish. In fact, money might be the most popular female fetish, next to love. How is money a fetish? Because many people, especially some women, can’t enjoy sex unless they’re being paid in some way, or unless they envision a pay-off in the future. If that’s not a fetish, I’ll eat my high-heeled boot.<

Activity Fetishists love to make things happen. The voyeurs who fetishize watching are what I call “action fetishists,” as are the exhibitionists who fetishize being watched. So are oral and anal sex fetishists, obsessive masturbators of every stroke and style, as well as Doms and Dommes and their slaves and maids. There are bondage fetishists who fetishize shackles and gags. There are pain and humiliation fetishists, like Brother Love who visited my show and couldn’t get aroused, even though a beautiful porn star was giving him oral sex and wanted to have intercourse with him. He could only attain an erection and ejaculate when he was kicked hard in the balls and given a golden shower.

Feeling or Conceptual Fetishes tend to be more socially acceptable. At least, feeling fetishists don’t get caught hoarding shoes. But they are potentially just as compulsive. Adrenaline Junkies fetishize danger. Hopeless Romantics fetishize love. Drama Queens fetishize suffering. Terrorists fetishize violence. Fascists fetishize power. Henry Kissenger once said “Power is the greatest aphrodisiac.” For a power fetishist like him, it most certainly is.

Many fetishists are a mix. For instance, an exhibitionist (action fetish) may enjoy being forced (conceptual or feeling fetish) by a mistress to wear her pantyhose (object fetish).

Marriage is the most socially sanctioned fetish of all. Many people won’t have sex until they’re married. This is so common and acceptable that it’s not considered a fetish. But it fits the definition, especially for some women. Marriage fetishists don’t feel comfortable having sex without a wedding ring or at least the promise of one. So what happens if and when the thrill is gone? Different people in different cultures have different ways of working it out. Some marriage fetishists get divorced and then get married again, and again and again. Or if they’re in Utah, they sometimes don’t even get the divorce; they just get married again. Or they stay married and have affairs. But marriage can certainly be a fetish. It can also be The Anti-Fetish. That is, many fetishists feel they absolutely cannot enjoy their fetish with the person to whom they are married.

Theories of Sexual Fetishism

But back to the classics: bondage, sadism, masochism, transvestitism, psychrocism (that’s being aroused by the cold). The origin of fetish terms like these lies in the works of 19th century psychologists Alfred Binet, Havelock Ellis and, perhaps especially, Richard von Krafft-Ebing. In his Psychopathia Sexualis of 1885, Krafft-Ebing was the first doctor to recognize the difficulty of drawing the line between fetish and “normal” sex when he said most lovers engage in “horseplay…just for fun” and that doesn’t make them sado-masochists.

In 1920, pioneering German sexologist Magnus Hirschfeld proposed his “theory of partial attractiveness,” according to which, sexual attractiveness was the product of the interactionn of various factors within an individual. He argued that nearly everyone had special interests that could be considered “healthy fetishes,” while only a small percentage of the population obsessed about one thing enough to be considered a paraphiliac.

In 1927, Freud built upon Ellis’ idea that fetishes began in childhood, theorizing that fetishism was the result of early psychological trauma. He wrote about a foot fetishist who, as a little boy, was shocked to learn that his mother had no penis. In fact, he was disturbed to the point of wondering if he might lose his own, developing castration anxiety. Then he discovered his mother’s foot. To overcome his fear of losing his manhood, he obsessed about his mother’s foot (a penis substitute), and became a foot fetishist.

Nowadays, the word “fetish” is so trendy, it’s almost meaningless. It usually is used to mean “sexual interest,” not the classical paraphiliac fetishist who absolutely cannot perform or enjoy sex without incorporating the fetish. Now, all kinds of people go to Fetish Balls, dress up in corsets, leather, latex, 8-inch heels, pointy toed boots and other trappings of fetish fashion. Here we are leaving the psychologically disordered realm of paraphilias and entering the much wider world of sexual orientation, experimentation and preference. Nevertheless, you can certainly meet a dangerous paraphiliac at a Fetish Ball, just as you can meet a sociopath in your friendly neighborhood bar.

A couple years ago, I was on Discovery Health Channel’s “Berman & Berman Show” – which is very hot if you’ve got a fetish for perky female doctors who are also sisters (throwing a pinch of the incest fetish into the mix here) – and the subject was fetishes. Their most urgent question was (surprise, surprise): Is this normal? Can true diehard fetishists have “normal” sex lives? I was tempted to say, “No, Drs Berman & Berman, your exhibitionist-voyeur fetish that you expose through your own teasterama TV show is NOT normal; it’s perverse, and you need intensive treatment now. So get down on your knees, buns in the air, and suck my high-heeled sandals.” I was wearing these very fetishistic leopard print 5-inch-heeled sandals.” But I didn’t say that; I’m just not sadistic enough. So I told them the truth, “Yes, fetishists can have what we call normal lives: Just incorporate the fetish into your life in a positive way.”

But can your marriage actually benefit by exploring your fetish? Well, it usually beats the alternative, i.e., repressing it so that one of you runs into the arms of a lover or over the knee of a dominatrix. Exploring fetishes is risky business, like any great adventure. But I’ve seen many couples do very well with it, especially if they are intelligent and communicative. I’ve even seen some who resolve their issues with rage, peacefully and relatively safely by channeling their violent impulses through playing responsible S&M games together. It can even help to reduce domestic violence… It’s the Bonobo Way.

Well, the way I explore fetishes, it’s the Bonobo Way. But that’s not always the way. Some people have a fetish for torture – nonconsensual torture. Of course, this is very dangerous, to you, to your victim, to the country, to the world – and not good clean fetish fun. “Dubyaism,” as I define it, is a fetish for dark, deadly activity, accompanied by a sick, frat-boy sense of humor. Not that these types of fetishistic torture – dominance & submission, sensory deprivation, being forced to wear hoods – can be erotic when performed consensually. The key is consensuality. Or, to use less clinical terms: The key is love and respect for the other person as a human being.

Yet part of the whole idea – and the fun – of fetish is to dehumanize your partner, making him or her into a sex object, a role in your fantasies, a god or goddess, a slave or captive, a student or teacher. That why a healthy fetish-filled life balances this intensive fantasy play with a strong recognition of the humanity of your partner.

Fetish Therapy

Can you become addicted to a fetish? Of course! Anything pleasurable in life can be addictive. The best things in life are addictive. One key question is: Does your fetish enhance your life or make it more difficult?

There are a variety of treatments for difficult fetishes, including cognitive therapy, psychoanalysis, aversion therapy and medication. The clergy of all the various religions also have their own form of “treatment” or counseling for fetishes that their religion deems improper. None of these methods actually gets rid of a fetish, no matter how undesirable, especially if the fetish stems from childhood or adolescence. But therapy can help to reduce dangerous or embarrassing fetish-related activity. It can also help the fetishist/patient develop a healthier, more positive approach to the fetish.

My own brand of “fetish therapy” involves three main areas of work:

1) Talking about the fetish.
Like psychoanalysis, therapist and patient talk about the origins of the fetish in the patient’s early and later life, its manifestations in dreams and fantasies, and positive and negative forms of expression in the patient’s real life. Though the work is primarily focused on the patient, of course, it may also involve the therapist sharing his or her own experiences with the fetish to help the patient gain greater insight, as well as to help him to feel more comfortable expressing his own feelings.

2) Roleplaying various scenarios that involve the fetish. Roleplaying, over the telephone or in person, helps both the therapist and the patient to learn more about the fetish through mentally and physically stimulating exploration and play. This can be very pleasurable for the patient, it can be painful, or a combination of pleasure and pain. These sexual psychodramas may lead to the goal of #3, but they can be valuable experiences in and of themselves. The goal is the journey.

3) Channeling fetishistic urges into positive actions. If there is a goal of fetish therapy, it is to learn to channel obsessive fetishistic desires into behaviors and activities that are not likely to harm the patient or others, and may even be beneficial in ways that go beyond scratching the itch of the fetish. “Harm” can range from physically hurting oneself or others to damaging relationships. Benefit can range from enjoying simple, basic, relatively guilt-free, sexual release in the midst of exciting fetishistic activity to developing deeper connections with one’s significant other to creating works of art. Thus, a panty fetishist might go from stealing his friend’s sister’s panties to buying his own to sharing panties with a girlfriend to designing his own award-winning lingerie line.

A fetish can be an awful sexual liability, or it can be a doorway that opens up to an awesome sexual heaven on earth.