A 34-year-old woman who loves men, Jo can only orgasm when thinking about women, and only from oral sex (not intercourse). So, Jo calls me to help her sort it all out, and Oh-My-Goddess, do we!
Do YOU ever have fantasies that you don’t really want to act out, but nothing makes you climax like these taboo desires, so you wonder… should you act on them?
This is Jo’s dilemma. When she has sex with a man, she can only experience orgasm when he gives her oral pleasure, and as he does that, she imagines that her male lover is a woman.
It’s a simple enough question, but complicated by Jo’s conflicted feelings. Does she *really* want to be with women, or is she enticed by the “forbidden” qualities of lesbian sex, flavored by her devout “Christian” upbringing? When should a fantasy become reality… if ever?
“Bi Oral Desires” is a vintage clip from the “SEX CALLS” broadcast archives of The Dr. Susan Block Show (circa 1998). This is NOT a call with actual therapy clients; those are absolutely private and confidential. This is a caller on our Saturday night live show. For more information, call us at 626.461.5950. For current shows and other events, visit us at http://drsusanblock.com.
Has your sexuality has been hurt, warped or excessively restricted by a harsh, authoritarian, “divinely” inspired, anti-sex upbringing?
Are you concerned that an unhealthy, fundamentalist, orthodox and/or hypocritical religious approach to life is repressing, oppressing, distorting or destroying your sexuality, your marriage, or your life in general?
The Dr. Susan Block Institute specializes in treating victims of religious sexual abuse and others whose sex lives have been damaged by strict, religious, anti-sex indoctrination. Institute Director Dr. Susan Block, a Yale University graduate with a PhD from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, is one of the world’s foremost experts in issues pertaining to sex and religion. If you need help, or if you just need to talk, give us a call anytime 24/7 at 213.291.9497. You can talk to Dr. Block herself or one of our many other telephone sex therapists. Someone is always here for you.
Of course, there are important differences between the many religions of the world and their specific rules governing sexual conduct. But whether you were raised Christian, Catholic, Sunni, Sufi or Shi’ite Muslim, Jewish (ethnic or Orthodox), Hindu, Mormon, Coptic, Buddhist, Born Again, Scientologist or any other faith worshipping a heavenly higher power, clergy and other authority figures may have used unreasonable, anti-sex and/or self-serving interpretations of scripture or religious law to control your sexuality and inflict deep, long-lasting damage.
Religious Sexual Abuse can take many forms. It may be physical, mental, emotional or spiritual. Most often, it begins in early childhood. The scars may be lasting, but the pain can be healed with a little bit of reason and a lot of love.
Religion is a powerful, yet easily manipulated force in many people’s lives.
Were you abused by a misuse of the power of religion?
Were you taught as a child to fear sex, your naked body, your genitalia, your feelings, fantasies or desires?
Were you beaten as a child for being bad? Were you threatened with eternal damnation, told that God would punish you for your natural erotic curiosity?
Were you ever pressured or forced to do sexual things by a member of the clergy or other trusted adult authority figure who coerced you in the name of God?
Were you ever pressured to not do sexual things by a member of the clergy or other trusted adult authority figure who coerced you in the name of God?
Were you pressured to accept things that didn’t make sense just because they were in the Bible, Koran or other Holy Book or scripture?
Do you feel that you can’t “be yourself,” sexually speaking, for fear of how God, your family or your religious community might react?
Are you tired of the heavenly lies and clergy-serving fairy tales?
Is excessive religiosity driving you in the opposite direction, toward what some people call “sex addiction,” an obsession with porn or other types of illicit sex?
Are you aroused by breaking taboos? Do you find yourself fantasizing about engaging in sexual activities that go against your moral code?
Are you attracted to people of other faiths or ethnic groups, even though your family would disapprove? Are you turned on by “extreme” ethnic Muslims, Christians, Jews, Hindus, Atheists or others–partly because your religious community considers them to be the forbidden “other”?
Do you find yourself obsessed with humiliating your own or other religions, like the “Innocence of Muslims,” the “Protocols of the Elders of Zion” or “Christian-bashing?” Do you have sexual fantasies about Christian Crusaders, Arab-Israeli Conflicts, Jihad, martyrs or other types of eroticized Holy Wars?
Do you find yourself getting aroused by fantasies of violent sex or violence against people of *other* religions? Or do you imagine them committing violence against you?
Have you developed sexual “hang-ups” or unwanted fetishes that might stem from your religious upbringing?
Do you find you are unable to “perform” or enjoy sex because of deep feelings of guilt and/or shame?
Do you feel that your sexual desires might condemn you to burn in hell for eternity?
Do you ever fantasize about erotic acts of blasphemy?
Have you done or fantasized about doing kinky things in church, temple, mosque or synagogue? Have you ever had or fantasized about having sex with nuns, priests, imams, ayatollahs, mullahs, rabbis, yogis, monks or other clergy?
Or are you, perhaps, a member of the clergy leading a double life? Preaching a strict abstinence-only doctrine by day and practicing your secret sexual fetish by night?
Do you feel alone, confused and/or concerned about this?
Would you like to talk about it with someone who understands, who won’t *judge* you, but will listen and talk to you, in complete privacy and confidentiality?
Need to talk to someone about something you can’t talk about with anyone else?
You can talk to us.
Block Institute Director Susan M Block, Ph.D.
Experience Telephone Sex Therapy
More private than a “confession booth,” and a lot more helpful.
Perhaps you’d like a fresh perspective on the relationship of sex and God, or sexuality and spirituality. Maybe you need help with processing religiously inspired, sex-negative messages in yourself or in your loved one. Perhaps you need the strength to stand up for your personal sexual “rights” against unreasonable religious dogma.
Then again, maybe you just need some help from a real “sexpert” in finding ways to explore, express and satisfy your sexual desires without breaking the rules of your religion or compromising your faith.
by Dr. Susan Block.
Bloody Mary in the morning? Cherry pie in the afternoon? Riding the Crimson Wave into the night and over the moon?
If you love Red Wings (hold the jalapeño), you’re already salivating. If you don’t, well, you may wish to be excused from this berry-stained episode of Sex Calls.
Though it’s gorily perfect for Halloween!
“Steve” is calling for my help with his fetish for “period sex.” Dr. Suzy as "Aunt Ruby" to the rescue! There’s nothing wrong with having sex – even cunnilingus, aka “red wings,” as Steve confesses he enjoys – when a woman is menstruating. In fact, it can be wonderful - albeit a bit messy - especially for the menstruating woman.
After all, period cramps can be painful, and an orgasm is an amazingly effective, organic painkiller.
Parting the Red Sea with Passion...
And then there’s the almost Biblical, extremely taboo aspect of period sex which I address in my Esther Story featured in The Erotic Edge, mingling the “blood of my affliction with the juice of my affection.”
Period sex can also be a “rare” pleasure for the Bloody Mary-loving man, a man like Steve, the primal wildness, the forbidden (sometimes called "unclean") flavors, the “war paint” aftermath and especially the earthly, womanly “scent.” Some guys even feel it gives them super powers.
Steve’s “concern” is that he is a self-described “sexually active male,” chowing down on “red wings” at two or three different restaurants - I mean, with two or three menstruating women at a time – well, not at the same time (that would be quite the Halloweengore fest!), but within a few days of each other.
At least Steve wears condoms, but still, blood sports are inherently dangerous for a range of reasons. For one thing, it’s “unsanitary,” I caution our bloodied love warrior. It’s also rather unsafe sex. “I believe you should respect your turn-ons,” I advise, “but I also believe you should respect your life… and their lives.”
Do you think Steve is weird? Perhaps, but this Red Wing Gourmet savors the fact that not many men have a taste for strawberry tamales - partly because it makes his lovers love him even more. “You found a niche,” I concur, “kind of like 'niche marketing'” - especially when you're as much on the "meat" market as Steve says he is.
Nevertheless, “everything in moderation,” I caution Red Sea surfer Steve. “Be an ethical hedonist… “While I want you to enjoy your fetish, I hope you can treat these women as real human beings and not just as founts of bloody passion.”
Those last four words seem to give Steve an instant erection. Nevertheless, he agrees that a monogamous relationship would be safest for having monthly period sex with the kind of wild abandon he adores.
Like most Sex Calls, this one is timeless, though it does reference my neopuritan nemesis Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I’m also wearing a cap HBO gave me while my HBO special (rated #1 at the time), was running, so it was probably broadcast live around 1998.
Will Steve find himself the ultimate red wing(s)? Even if he does, will he be satisfied with just one? Find out in this vintage clip from the “SEX CALLS” broadcast archives of The Dr. Susan Block Show (circa 1998). This is NOT a call with actual therapy clients; those are absolutely private and confidential. This is a caller on our live Saturday night live show. For more information, call us at 626.461.5950. For current shows and other events, visit us at http://drsusanblock.com.