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Wiley-Blackwell Releases New Sexuality Encyclopedia – Dr. Susan Block Contributes “Fetish,” “Cuckolding,” “Striptease,” “Spanking,” “Phone Sex” & More
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Powerhouse Academic Publisher WILEY-BLACKWELL releases the new International Encyclopedia of Human Sexuality with sex expert Dr. Susan Block contributing articles in Fetish, Phone Sex, Cuckolding, Spanking & Striptease Los Angeles, California: May 21, 2015—The Dr. Susan Block Institute is proud to announce that its director, Susan M. Block, Ph.D., is among the top contributors to a historic work on sex and culture that sets a new standard in knowledge-based academic publishing: The Wiley-Blackwell International Encyclopedia of Human Sexuality. Like the Wiley-Blackwell International Encyclopedias of Human Evolution, Health, Political Thought, Literature, Sociology, Social and Political Movements, Globalization and many more, the new Human Sexuality Encyclopedia is a “comprehensive A-Z reference” that will be utilized in schools, universities, libraries, research centers and other learning institutions around the world. An online version of the Encyclopedia is available, as well as the three-volume print set. Edited by distinguished Professors of Anthropology, Patricia Whelehan and Anne Bolin, with contributions from an international team of top scholars and practitioners, the Encyclopedia of Human Sexuality contains “over 500 entries that define sexuality from a broad biocultural perspective and show the diversity of human sexual behavior and belief systems… ranging from short definitions of scientific, clinical, cultural, and colloquial terms to extended explorations of major concepts…[covering] 13 key areas of content, from clinical medicine and body modification to the language of sexuality and the history of sexology.” Dr. Susan Block wrote three of the Human Sexuality Encyclopedia’s “extended explorations” on “Sexual Fetishes,” “Phone Sex” and “Striptease.” She also wrote two shorter entries on “Spanking” and “Cuckolding.” “These subjects are close to my heart and work as a sex therapist,” says Dr. Block, a graduate of Yale University with a Ph.D. from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. “They’re rarely defined in an academic framework, so I’m honored to be able to present them to students, scholars and researchers in this great compilation. Sex education takes a leap forward with the publication of the Wiley-Blackwell Encyclopedia.” Susan M. Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” best-known for her groundbreaking HBO specials, is a leading international champion of sexual freedom and sex education, as well as a pioneering advocate for the preservation of the inspirational and highly endangered bonobos. An award-winning author, her latest, highly acclaimed book is The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure. Every Saturday night, she hosts The Dr. Susan Block Show live, and she is the founder of the new social media site Bonoboville.com, as well as one of the founders of Sex Week at Yale in 2002.But she’ll never quit her “day job” as a sex therapist in private practice. As director of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences, she is advisor, educator and therapist to thousands of men, women and couples around the world, from the CEOs of Silicon Valley to the sheiks of Riyadh, Hollywood stars, Washington politicians and the folks-next-door, helping people to express, explore, enjoy and take responsibility for their sexual lives. ### Tired of conventional sexuality experts? Dr. Block is available for comment or interview by contacting: David L. Rossi Phone: 626.461.5950 Email: [email protected] https://drsusanblockinstitute.com http://thebonoboway.com Read More |
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KINK
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“Sex comes to most of us with a twist.” ―Iris Murdoch, The Nice and the Good Kink is in the air, whether it shocks you to your core or leaves you wanting more. Kink is everywhere, in the clothes you dare to wear, the body parts you bare, the language(s) you speak and even the foods you eat. Kinks of various kinds pervade art, entertainment, media, technology, business, sports, gaming, politics and protest, not to mention human sexuality, romances, relationships and your deepest secret fantasies. Personally, I enjoy a variety of kinks (see below), and I often mix them, like tasty spices and saucy sauces, into the main meal of my marriage. As a sexologist and sex therapist in private practice for over 30 years, as well as a talk show host and best-selling author who deals with sensitive sexual subjects, I’ve helped thousands of people to accept, express and enjoy their kinky feelings, handle their related problems, and share their kinks and fetishes consensually with fellow adult kinksters, or even with someone new. Very often, helping someone to handle their kink(s) is a gateway to guiding them into a better, healthier, happier life in general. So… how kinky are you? Do you want to be kinkier? Or maybe not so kinky? Is your favorite kink an erotic pleasure beyond compare or a deep dark secret you’re afraid to share? Or is it a complex kinky combo of the two?The Joy of KinkCome with me on a fascinating, stimulating, sex educational journey through the dazzling and powerful, yet often perplexing and hazardous world of kink in history, art, entertainment, relationships, fashion, food, religion, politics, protest, love, war and your brain. First, let’s define our terms. In conversation, dissertations and pillow talk, people use the word “kink” to convey a multitude of ideas, objects, turn-ons, turn-offs, activities and fantasies in a million different ways, some of which are “kink-positive,” others negative, and many are very confused.Virtually any fetish could be considered kinky, though a kink isn’t necessarily a fetish.So, what does kink mean? Before the word entered the sexual lexicon, the original meaning of “kink” was—and still is—a “twist,” “bend,” “curve” or “turn,” such as a “kink” in the road or “kinky hair.” The word kink was first recorded in the 1670s as a Dutch nautical term for a twist or knot in a rope, probably related to the Old Icelandic or Norse kikna, meaning “to bend at the knees.” Over a century later, in 1803, U.S. President and consummate wordsmith Thomas Jefferson took the word “kink” out of the mundane world of ropes and roads and into the psychological realm by writing about a “mental twist, a whim.” With all those knotty ropes, bent knees and twisted Jeffersonian whims, I’m sure many 19th century individuals *in the know* were saying—or at least whispering—the word “kinky” to describe or at least suggest bent, curvy or twisted sex, as well. After all, an erotic kink is also a twist, curve or turn away from conventional, “straight” and narrow, “vanilla,” penis-in-vagina (PIV) sexual activity between husband and wife for procreational purposes only, under the covers with the lights out. Anything else would be fair game to be designated kinky, and by the mid-20th century, it officially was. The problem was—and still is—that so many people have such strong disapproving opinions about unconventional sexuality, that they can’t resist imposing negative value judgments on kink… even in dictionaries! I’ll bet you know people like that. I certainly do. As of this writing, Dictionary.com defines kink as “bizarre or unconventional sexual preferences or behavior” and the Cambridge Dictionary explains it as “a strange habit, usually of a sexual nature.” Bizarre? Strange? While these definitions might have some validity—and giggle value (if you’re into poking fun at your own kinks)—they are disdainful and kink-negative. Sure, some kinks are a little “bizarre,” like my sex therapy client who enjoys getting tarred and feathered, Puritan punishment-style. Then there’s my ammosexual client who imagines being cuckolded by AR-15-brandishing cartoon characters with even bigger weapons between their legs. However, kinks can be as sweet and wholesome as apple pie… especially if your kink is for splosh. With a hat tip to Alex Comfort, whose Joy of Sex: A Gourmet Guide to Lovemaking was a Bible for the Sexual Revolution of the 1970s, come let us explore the joy of kink.Need to Work the Kinks Out?“Girl, you really got me goin' You got me so I don't know what I'm doin' Yeah, you really got me now You got me so I can't sleep at night” —The Kinks In many definitions, “kink” denotes something that needs to be fixed or straightened out…such as “a kink in your back” (ouch!) or the idea that “we need to work out the kinks.” That could be true, as The Kinks themselves would sing, your kinks could keep you up all night or get you into trouble. However, it’s just as possible that exploring your kinks—consensually and responsibly—turns out to be one of the greatest, most exciting, most meaningful, healing, enlightening and therapeutic parts of your life. It could even work out that nasty kink in your back!Is a Fetish a Kink?A kink can be physical or psychological, and usually, it’s both. The same is true of a sexual fetish, which is a profound, undeniable, erotic desire for something. It can be anything, but not just anything. A fetish is something special—at least, for the fetishist. It could be for an inanimate object, activity or situation. It could be a yearning for something, perhaps an article of clothing, such as high heels, lingerie, a boot or a burqa; or a body part, like breasts, butts, feet or hair. One could also have a fetish for an activity, like watching, being watched, spanking or being spanked; or a situation, such as a mistress/slave, teacher/student, doctor/patient, seductress/neophyte, goddess/gangbang or cuckold/hotwife/bull relationship. Some psychologists call this strong, deep-seated, sometimes compulsive, erotic need a “paraphilia,” but that’s medically loaded, so we’ll stick with “fetish” for now. Whatever the fetish object, activity or situation might be, the fetishist invests great power into it. The fetish object might exude great sexual power for the fetishist, great religious power, or perhaps a mixture of both. In the classic sense, the sexual fetishist requires the fetish object—or at least, a fantasy of the fetish object—in order to have sex. The male fetishist needs this thing, activity, situation or fantasy to get an erection; he cannot get excited without it, and he may become obsessed with it. For the human female, sexual arousal and fetishism are a little more mysterious and difficult to pinpoint. One could say that the female fetishist needs the fetish object to desire or enjoy sex. More often, it seems that human females attempt to excite male fetishistic desire. So, what’s the difference between a kink and a fetish? Technically, the term “kink” doesn’t indicate the same intense need as the term “fetish.” Virtually any fetish could be considered kinky, though a kink isn’t necessarily a fetish. That’s the clinical difference, but in the real world, there’s a lot of overlap, and people often use the terms interchangeably. Kink can be good, bad or neutral for the individual, the couple and/or society. Usually, I think, kink is good! Read on to find out why…Are You into Taboo?“If I tell you If I tell you now Will you keep on Will you keep on loving me? If I tell you If I tell you how I feel Will you keep bringing out the best in me? You give me the sweetest taboo... …. There's a quiet storm And it never felt this hot before Giving me something that's taboo” —Sade Kink can be a little—or a lot—taboo. It may be as public, legal, harmless and heart-warming as wearing a diamond-studded collar with a heart locket given to you by your beloved spouse. Nevertheless, there is always a forbidden “Sweetest Taboo,” a transgressive element to kink, something that’s a little (or a lot) “off” the beaten track, with an edge of danger, even if trust is strong and all safety precautions have been taken. The word taboo stems from the Fijian “tabu,” Polynesian “tapu” and Hawaiian “kapu,” all of which mean “not to be touched.” This is not because the taboo object is gross or dirty, but because it is extremely sacred, a religious object forbidden to the uninitiated. Interestingly, many such sacred objects were and are phallic in nature, such as a flute, spear, baton or totem pole, or round and vaginal like a bowl, chalice or the Holy Grail. Of course, these strict prohibitions render the “tabu” very intimidating, but they also make the uninitiated extremely curious and perhaps aroused by touching—or just thinking about touching—that which is taboo. As the great French mid-20th century erotic philosopher, Georges Bataille, said, “transgression” is a cornerstone of human eroticism. That is, sometimes we’re turned on by something we also find wrong, shameful, humiliating or forbidden. In Eroticism: Death & Sensuality, Bataille discussed civilized humanity’s ongoing struggle between sensuous pleasure and shame that generates eroticism and, to a certain extent, kink.Shame is a horrible feeling... [but it] is also an essential component of the forbidden boundaries that we find so exciting to transgress, tease, crisscross, break, spank, overthrow or just throw out the window of inhibition.A lot of people use the terms “shame” and “guilt” interchangeably. Though they are related, they mean very different things. You feel guilt when you feel badly about something you did, like cheating, stealing or hurting someone. In many cases, guilt is an appropriate feeling for having done wrong, though we often blow it out of proportion. You feel shame when you feel badly about who or what you are. Shame is almost never appropriate but, unfortunately, we all know the feeling. Shame is that terrible feeling of self-blame that comes over us like a hot flash of mortification following a perceived failure, or the fear of being disgraced. Unlike guilt, which is usually over something you did recently, shame is most often rooted in childhood trauma. One of the worst aspects of childhood trauma-rooted shame is that it tends to inhibit us—sexually and otherwise—through adulthood. So, shame is really bad, right? Well, yes, for the most part, shame is horrible, painful, debilitating, irrational and can lead to harming yourself or others. Lurking fearfully and tearfully among our vast spectrum of emotions, shame can be a monster in penitent’s clothing. However, as Bataille points out, shame is also an essential component of the forbidden boundaries that we find so exciting to transgress, tease, crisscross, break, spank, overthrow or just throw out the window of inhibition. Engaging in nonconsensual kinks, like coercive or inappropriate sex, yet channeling those urges through consensual BDSM, is a great way to find that arousing erotic friction, release, adventure and fulfillment.The consenting adult enjoyment of kink can be a positive, even therapeutic solution to processing childhood trauma as well as everyday problems like stress, anxiety and loneliness, not to mention horniness.Sexual kinks can cause problems—sometimes big problems, like drug addiction, divorce, crippling shyness, sexual assault and even homicide. However, if handled with care, they can be the opposite of a problem. Indeed, the consenting adult enjoyment of kink can be a positive, even therapeutic solution to processing childhood trauma as well as everyday issues like stress, anxiety and loneliness, not to mention horniness. As long as you can handle them responsibly, be grateful for your kinks!COMMON SEXUAL KINKSThere are as many kinks as there are people. Actually, there are more, since the majority of kinksters enjoy more than one kink. However, the following are some of the most popular, according to surveys and my own anecdotal (but considerable!) experience as a sex therapist in private practice since 1991, as well as hosting shows and bacchanals celebrating “Kink Month” every October since 2015. I’ve considered myself kinky since my first Threshold Society play party back in 1989. I was blown away! I only wish I could have read an article like this before I attended that party. Instead, I embarrassed myself by interrupting a scene to ask the smiling, shackled woman at the center of it if she was “all right.” She was. But talk about breaking the mood! Fortunately, she and everyone else there laughed good-naturedly at my naïveté and proceeded to teach me the ways of kink. Indeed, we can all learn from past mistakes--kinks in the road of life--and hopefully you can learn from some of mine. If your favorite kink isn’t here, never fear! Check out our “What Can We Talk About?” page, call my show on Saturday nights (626.461.5212) or, if you need to talk privately, call our kink-positive Therapists Without Borders anytime: 213.291.9497.The ABCs of BDSMThough there are almost as many different kinks as there are stars in the sky, a lot of them fit under the Big Tent of BDSM, which breaks down to Bondage & Discipline (B&D), Dominance & Submission (D/s); Sadomasochism (SM). If you want to engage in BDSM play, I recommend you study this ancient, somewhat esoteric practice, preferably with an experienced BDSM practitioner, then start light and gradually ease into more intense activity. Take classes at DomCom (check out DomCon 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020) or other BDSM conventions, or splurge on private instruction. When engaged in responsibly, the safe, sane and consensual (SSC) exploration of BDSM can be an excellent, peaceful yet exciting and very bonoboësque channel for erotic power exchange. A step beyond SSC is RACK: Risk-Aware Consensual Kink. That may sound like alphabet soup, but SSC RACK can be a way to express violent impulses without hurting anyone, including yourself. It can involve sexual psychodrama, safely and imaginatively releasing aggressive forces that fester in our subconscious, so they don’t explode into destructive behavior. In our modern militaristic, ammosexual culture, it’s no surprise that many of us have violent fantasies and desires. Of course, acting on these fantasies nonconsensually would be unethical and criminal, not to mention heinous. So… what to do about them? Complete suppression is usually the only solution on the table, even though it has long been proven to be ineffective and, for many, impossible. What about BDSM? It’s certainly no panacea, and kinksters can be abusers like anyone else. However, the conscientious practice of safe, sane and consensual BDSM can effectively channel these feelings, even helping to curb domestic violence and perhaps other types of violence as well. Studies have yet to be done on this subject, but based on over three decades of experience as a sex therapist, a relationship counselor and a kinkster, I say: Yes! Kink can be that healing. Can conscientious kink practice help to foster conditions for world peace? Considering the chances of WWIII, it's worth a try. So, on a recent FDR podcast, we sounded the antiwar kinkster's *battle cry*: MAKE KINK NOT WAR!Domination & submission“There's a new game We like to play you see A game with added reality You treat me like a dog Get me down on my knees We call it master and servant It's a lot like life… Domination's the name of the game In bed or in life They're both just the same Except in one you're fulfilled At the end of the day Let’s play master and servant” ―Depeche Mode Consensual sexual domination—when one partner takes charge and the other voluntarily gives up their power—is a cornerstone of kink, and submission is its flip side. D/s could involve body worship, impact play, bondage, humiliation, sissy maid service a "money slave" relationship or any number of other activities involving power exchange. This seems like a good time to note that the kinky *games* old Tommy Jefferson played with his longtime sex slave Sally Hemings were wrong because he actually—legally—did own her. We will never know if Sally had a good time with Tom because she was never allowed to make that choice to be with him. Unlike Sally, a consenting adult kinky BDSM “slave” can choose to stop the scene and/or leave any time they want. Their “slavery” is just an illusion (or should be). Nevertheless, it can be very powerful. It’s also very popular. According to a 2016 study in the Journal of Sex Research, 47% of women and 60% of men fantasized about dominating a partner. A YouGovAmerica study showed that 53% of Americans say that they enjoy dominance or submission, with the most common answer (28%) being that they like being both at different times. About a third (33%) say that they don't want to be either dominant or submissive, while 14% either don't know or “prefer not to say.” Something tells me that those that “don’t know” or “prefer not to say” are the kinkiest of all. My guess is that they enjoy some kind of submission since folks tend to be most embarrassed to admit to that… It’s funny how ashamed so many of us are of our yearning for sexual surrender; even though, when you think about it, surrender is an essential aspect of orgasm. However, surrender may be expressed in some seemingly odd and disturbing ways, like humiliation, i.e., being stepped on literally or figuratively, sexually denigrated in some fashion—such as being called a “dirty slut,” “worthless turd,” “pencil-dick,” "piggy bank" or “cum receptacle.” To an outside observer, this might seem crazy; why would someone get aroused from being degraded and seemingly exploited? The answer is complicated and varies from person to person. For example, if humiliation is your kink, you might have a sexual anxiety so great—such as fear you’ll be exposed as the horny loser you think you are or that someone will laugh at your penis—that your libido actually floods your bloodstream with arousal to kill the (emotional) pain before it kills you. So yes, your humiliation kink might be saving your life.Freedom is the greatest aphrodisiac, but restraint is a close second.Nevertheless, it’s confusing, unnerving and can be very tough to talk about… even though talking about it with someone who cares and understands is often the best thing for you. If you’re struggling with your own desires for humiliation or other controversial forms of erotic domination, it might benefit you to talk with a therapist, a very knowledgeable dominatrix or another kink professional. The Therapists Without Borders at the Dr. Susan Block Institute are experts in these areas, and your confidentiality is guaranteed. Call us anytime you need to talk: 213.291.9497.BondageBondage, aka restraint, is a popular kink, and not just because of those kinks in the ropes! I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: Freedom is the greatest aphrodisiac, but restraint is a close second. Besides those eternally kinky ropes (jute being a favorite), types of bondage might include handcuffs, shackles, collars, straightjackets, spreader bars, harnesses or four “50 Shades of Grey” silk ties fastened securely around your wrists and ankles. There’s also psychological bondage. Before engaging in certain types of bondage, you might sign a “binding” contract which, though it lends a certain seriousness to the proceedings, probably wouldn’t hold up in a court of law. In a typical bondage scene, you might also be blindfolded, hooded, muzzled, dominated, restrained by a ball gag, locked up in a chastity belt, strapped down to a medical examination table, put into a posture collar, led around on a leash, shut up in a cage, zipped into a sleep sack, suspended from the ceiling, put into a sling, turned into a piece of human art with beautiful Japanese Shibari or Kinbaku, tied spread-eagle to a four-poster bed or latched onto a St. Andrews’s Cross while being spanked or flogged. Then again, for some of us, the kinkiest form of (psychological) bondage is the wedding ring. For more about bondage and how it can be used for pleasure, adventure, personal discovery and healing therapy, click Bondage Therapy.Spanking“Dick and Jane were on a date Dicky said it's getting late How's about a little kiss? Well, Jane grabbed her ankles and said how about this: Why don't you smack my bottom? Smack my bottom! Won't you smack my bottom 'till my tiny little heiny glows?” —The Wetspots To spank means “to strike or slap the buttocks, usually with the palm of the hand,” according to Webster’s. Spankings may be given for real punishment—as in spanking children against their will—or pleasure—as in spanking among consenting adults. Spanking children isn’t kinky; it’s child abuse. On the other hand, erotic consensual adult spanking is one of the most popular kinks there is, whether or not you were spanked as a child. The pain-laced pleasures of adult “erotic spanking” range from light slaps on the butt during lovemaking to more formal, over-the-knee (OTK) roleplay to a mistress smacking her naughty slave’s reddened rear within their D/s (dominance and submission) lifestyle. Here at the Institute, we love consenting adult spanking of all kinds, including impact play with whips, floggers, paddles, books (read it or get red from it!) or belts—with or without roleplay. We certainly do a lot of spanking on DrSuzy.Tv, especially on certain holidays like Spanksgiving, Lupercalia, Krampus, Full Moons, Happy Nude Rear parties, birthdays and all through Kink Month. Not only do many of our shows—from Spanking the tRump Turkey on Spanksgiving to Lupercalian Whipping to A Spankophiliacs Delight (warning: this one includes very hard spanking)—feature impact play, we have created several excellent spanking education resources for you. Want more? Of course, you do! Click on these links:
Body Part KinksBreasts – The most common all-American fetish might be the one so many men—and a lot of women—have for the female chest, perhaps connected to our deep need for nurturance. Find out more about breasts, boobs, nipples, mammaries, lactating, the all-natural bosom vs. surgically enhanced porn star boobs, coitus a mammalia and more—plus what it all means and how it can (seriously!) heal you—under Breast Therapy. Buttocks – Coming in for a close second as America’s (and the world’s) favorite fetish would be a “nice butt”… but what is “nice”? What’s the bottom line? That depends on the fanny fetishist, their culture and personal taste. Some “like big butts and [they] cannot lie.” Others prefer cute little buns, a heart-shaped ass, a strong muscular posterior or a soft cushy tushy, a panty-clad bottom or a stripped bare derrière. Some butt-lovers are into anal sex, doggy-style, spanking, squeezing, licking or worshipping that fine behind. But… what about the person with the “nice” butt? Assuming all is consensual (no pinching without permission!), the bottom is truly the “seat” of human pleasure, physiologically speaking, with lots of touch-responsive nerve endings that are in deliciously close proximity to the genitalia. Since there also tends to be a fair amount of padding down there, it is not so sensitive to consensually administered pain. And yes, a lot of people have a fetish for having their own butt played with! For more about butts, see the Spanking Links above or click on Anal Sex Therapy. Feet – A kink for feet is a little less common than boobs or buns, but foot fetishists are a passionate bunch. Not that they usually come in bunches, as many are embarrassed to admit to their kink. Nevertheless, once upon a time, here at the Institute, we held fabulous Foot Fetish Salons with massage, tickling, trampling and foot bondage workshops, followed by shrimping cocktails and tequila toe shots, a few of which are featured in our classic Feet for Lovers video. For more foot fetish information, try playing footsie with these links:
Medical KinksHow about “playing doctor”? Are you aroused by giving or receiving a medical exam or other “sexy nurse,” doctor or patient fantasies? These are some of the more common medical kinks, and with hospitals and health workers of all kinds looming large through the Coronapocalypse in our lives and in the media, medical fantasies are more popular—though also more taboo—than ever.Knowledge is power, and sexual knowledge is sexual power.One rather controversial type of medical kink that’s been in the news is the anesthesia or sleep fetish, an offshoot being Sleeping Beauty Syndrome, which actor Bill Cosby was convicted of engaging in nonconsensually, though that conviction was overturned. Obviously, pharmaceutical and medical kinks like this can be extremely dangerous when pursued irresponsibly. However, kink-positive therapy and sex education can help you to enjoy them in a safe, sane, consensual manner. Exhibitionism & Voyeurism Almost everyone wants to see and/or be seen. These are the driving forces of voyeurism and exhibitionism, as well as the entire entertainment industry (not limited to porn) and social media. What does it mean to be seen? To be seen is to be immortal, if only for a moment, through the eyes of another. Triumphant. Shining like a star. Recognized. Celebrated. For that moment, you might feel you rule the world. You are an “influencer”—of billions or just one special witness to your wonderfulness. That’s the thrill of exhibitionism. What about seeing? To see is to go behind the curtain, to gain knowledge of the taboo, a taste of the apple or the delicious eye (or ear) candy, the euphoria of esoteric awareness. Knowledge is power, and sexual knowledge is sexual power. No wonder you feel so excited and even powerful when you see someone or something special that turns you on. No wonder we all can appreciate the erotic thrills of voyeurism… We may or may not call ourselves voyeurs. However, at least sometimes, all of us like to watch.PansexualityDo you enjoy sex with more than one partner… maybe even at the same time? Are you drawn to threesomes, swinging, orgies, play parties, designer relationships or consensual gangbangs? Perhaps you’re not such a party animal, but you still like sexual variety, preferring polyamory, which means “many loves,” not just many lovers.Call it communal ecstasy… like you’re at the best concert ever, plus orgasms.Whether you’re only fantasizing or living the dream, all of these sex and relationship forms could be considered “kinky,” since they are all nonmonogamous. Most human societies around the world promote, endorse and sometimes compel “monogamy”—which has different meanings, but generally entails being sexually exclusive with one person for life—usually the person to whom you’re married. There’s nothing wrong with monogamy. In fact, for me personally and probably for most people, private couple sex is the most intimate, meaningful kind of sex there is. However, there is also something very special and truly wonderful about the “collective joy” (with a hat tip to Barbara Ehrenreich) of group sex that partner sex simply cannot duplicate. Call it communal ecstasy…like you’re at the best concert ever, plus orgasms. In a way, nonmonogamy is more natural than monogamy. That’s why so many people cheat! Bonobos, whose Latin name pan paniscus conveys their affinity for pansexuality (named for the Greek god Pan, Lord of the Wild), are our closest great ape cousins. Along with common chimpanzees (pan troglodyte), bonobos have been practicing consensual nonmonogamy for many thousands of years—at least. Moreover, the bonobo *brand* of nonmonogamy is a cornerstone of their lifestyle, since it is a vital aspect of the bonobos’ ability to make “peace through pleasure” in their communities. Do bonobos ever get jealous? Of course, they do. But love is not a zero-sum game for them, and they just have ways to work it out through sex and affections. For instance, among humans and bonobos, the best cure for a lover’s quarrel (as long as it’s not over anything serious) is kinky make-up sex. Our Great Ape nature is to share our love and lust, yet most of our strictly monogamous human societies denounce pansexuality in all its various forms, sometimes condemning it as “Satanic,” and certainly giving it that taboo quality that can turn any natural erotic feeling into a kink. Of course, I’m just scratching the surface of pansexuality here, so click on the links with the pansexual kinks that most appeal to you: Group Sex Therapy “Sex at Dawn” interview with Dr. Christopher Ryan “Ethical Slut” interview with author Janet W. Hardy American Swing Multiamory Show Designer Relationships Gangbang Sex Therapy Pansensuality Show Pan in Lupercalia 2020 Bonobo Nonmonogamy lecture Bonobo Nonmonogamy journal #GoBonobos in 2022 Cuckolding“She’s my best friend’s girl But she used to be mine” —The Cars Cuckolding is a special kind of pansexual kink, and the cuckold is a very special kind of kinkster. He (though “cuckqueens” exist, the typical cuckold is a “he”) is sexually aroused by the fantasy or reality of his sexual partner—usually his wife, girlfriend, or a woman he finds attractive, often called a “hotwife”—having sex with another partner, most likely a virile, well-endowed man, called a “bull.” Cuckolding could be centered on consensual kink—which is usually best for all involved—or it could involve cheating (not recommended). Cuckold fantasies are extremely common; in part, because they are driven by a basic biological phenomenon called “Sperm Wars.” However, many cuckold fetishists feel torn and fraught with anxiety over being aroused by something so denigrated in society. Ironically, that conflict itself tends to create greater arousal. Like most kinks, it’s best to accept the desire for cuckolding, though it need not always be acted upon in real life. For more about cuckoldry, click…
More Kinks More FunDon’t see your particular kink or fetish listed here? Have no fear! There are many more below, and even more on our “What Can We Talk About?” page. And here’s an even more extensive List of Kinks, as well as here and here, with everything under the sun, including the sun itself, which some people with “actirasy” find arousing. See, it’s not just bikinis that turn on the beach bums.Gender Fluid KinkNowadays, “gender” is a psychologically and politically freighted term. People have strong ideas about what’s right and wrong in all shades of the gender spectrum (who you are)—as well as in terms of sexual orientation (who you like)—and some are fighting hard for their ideas to gain or maintain acceptance. There’s a lot at stake. Adding erotic fuel to the gender fires, arousal isn’t always politically correct. In fact, it’s often unintentionally the opposite of what you believe is “right,” as part of the excitement of kink lies in its taboo nature and shock value. True transgender people aren’t necessarily kinky, and their transition isn’t a kink; it’s their life.Some call it "the best of both worlds."On the other hand, there are many folks of all genders who enjoy crossdressing or sissification just for the kink of it. For some, especially the sissies, the more politically incorrect, the kinkier! On the other side of the equation, there are many folks who have a kink or fetish for lovers who are transgender. Something about the combination of so-called male and female characteristics drives some sexually people wild. It’s more popular than you might think, since many trans admirers are embarrassed to talk about it. It may be politically incorrect to say, but some call it “the best of both worlds.” Need to talk privately about your trans interests, desires, problems or fantasies? Call our Therapists Without Borders anytime at 213.291.9497. We're here for you.Kink in NatureHumans aren’t the only kinky creatures on the planet. In fact, I often call bonobos the “kinkiest apes on Earth” as they enjoy many of the kinks I’ve described here. That is, they engage in a variety of consensual erotic behaviors that are not for procreation purposes, or really any *purpose* other than pleasure. Keep in mind that pleasure is a very important, worthy purpose, especially in Bonoboville. That simple exchange of kinky pleasures makes bonobos the Most Peaceful Apes on Earth, never seen killing each other in the wild or captivity. Kink is also the basis for bonobo bisexuality, ecosexuality, bonobo female empowerment, male well-being and bonobos’ penchant for sharing, making them the Most Socialist Apes on Earth, as well. Does that mean if humans were kinkier, we’d be more peaceful, female-empowered, male-nurturing and egalitarian? Does being consensually kinky mean valuing lust over greed? I certainly think so, and that’s one of the principles of “releasing your inner bonobo” through practicing The Bonobo Way. Humans and bonobos aren’t the only ones. Many nonhuman animals indulge in kinky activities. Haven’t you ever had a dog hump your leg? I’m not trying to encourage bestiality (on the contrary), so hold your horses on that notion (then again, Adam Driver as a centaur is pretty hot). I just want you to rest assured that, in general, your kinks are perfectly natural, and we perverted humans aren’t the only kinksters-in-residence on this planet. Most of nature is quite kinky. It’s the dirty—as in polluting—aspects of humanity that are the problem… not our kinkiness! Pro Tip: Just because kink is as natural as any kind of sex doesn't make it good. If you want kink--or any kind of sex--to be good, you have to learn a thing or too. But then, that's why you're reading this! Kink and Culture Though the rest of nature is at least as kinky as we are, over the millennia, we humans have put our unique anthropocene spin on kink through our culture, art, architecture, technology and politics. It's difficult to say just where erotica ends and "regular" art begins—especially “in the beginning.” Arguably, the first form of human performance art may well have been kinky dancing. The oldest sculpted art piece in the world, the Venus of Willendorf (24,00-22,00 B.C.E.)—big breasts, belly, hair and a distinct vulva, but no face—is pretty kinky. Is it goddess worship or prehistoric objectification or both? Some have even called it a sex toy. Heresy? Hardly. Many of the most respected artists in history, now enshrined in our most honored museums, including the Vatican (hello kinky Michelangelo), were considered kinky in their day. Revolutionary art like Picasso’s Cubist Demoiselles of the brothel—as well as fascist, state sanctioned art, like Leni Riefenstahl’s Triumph of the Will—can be considered kinky, twists and bends in the ropes of tradition that shock and disturb some people, while arousing and inspiring others, and sometimes shocking and arousing at the same time. Of course, kinks of all kinds can be found in popular music. From the Beatles to Marvin Gaye, Prince, MJ, Depeche Mode, Sade, Cardi B, Lil Nas X and the list goes on, musicians have thrived on kink. And let’s not forget our favorite kinky song, inspired by the Bonobo Way, that you often hear during kinky scenes on DrSuzy.Tv, Carmina Formosa’s “The Kinkster.” Special mention goes to that great British Invasion band of the 1970s, The Kinks, whose name is the same as this article and whose hit song “Lola,” about a comic-romantic encounter with a crossdresser, would now be considered politically incorrect but back then, was revolutionary, wry and very kink-positive. Kinky Fashion“It will make or break him so he’s a got to buy the best cause he’s a Dedicated Follower of Fashion” —The Kinks Kink is a huge part of fashion, from the boudoir to the Met Gala to the street. One of the most popular categories of fetish clothing is “intimate” wear, including lingerie, stockings or pantyhose, panties, high heels, boots, corsets and more. However, any type of fashion can be kinky, such as a latex catsuit, a cowboy hat, a bikini, a nun’s habit, superhero costume—whatever gets you off when you put it on. The late great Bettie Page was the 1950s icon of fashion kink, an influencer long before there were influencers, setting the tone for many generations to come. Check out my extremely rare 1996 interview with the incomparable Bettie Page. Sultry Dita Von Teese, who attended our Bettie Page interview when she was just 19 and who did another interview on DrSuzy.Tv while engaged to the ultra-kinky and controversial rock star, Marilyn Manson, is another paragon of kink fashion. Texture is as important as style, popular choices being leather (deliciously animalistic, but politically incorrect for animal rights sympathizers), lace (somewhat see-through and oh, so romantic), latex (gives you that slinky second-skin feeling) or nylon (divinely stretchy, semitransparent and nostalgic). Uniforms are often considered kinky, including military (all branches, but especially sailors), school, athletic, police, firefighter, nurse and the uniformed fashion kinks march on. Conveying eroticism, beauty, horror, mystery and mastery, as well as concealing the mask wearer’s identity, the mask has been an important part of kinky fashion… since there were masks (going back at least 9,000 years)! One could say, in a way, masks have always been kinky—twisting and turning the features of the human face to obscure one’s identity or for dramatic effect. As of this writing, with the Coronapocalypse still raging off and on, masks are also protective (as they were against various plagues throughout history). Learn more about kinky, sexy masks in “Masks Are Sexy.” Some fashion isn’t so obviously kinky—like business suits, chef’s aprons or skating skirts—but kinksters-in-the-know just know. Very often, kinky clothing connects to another kink, such as adult baby diapers connect to golden showers and mommy fantasies. As in all types of fashion, there are trendsetters. Celebrities contribute a lot to kinky fashion, though they also copy it, from Madonna to Rihanna, Lady Gaga, Cardi B, Miley Cyrus, Kanye, Beyonce and so many more, serviced by subtly (or not so subtly) kinky high-fashion designers like Thierry Mugler, Alexander McQueen and Versace, influenced by underground sex workers, Goth gals and Dominatrices. Sometimes, kinky celebrity fashion goes beyond boots and masks into kinky emotional territory. As I write this, Kanye West is now the world's most famous cuckold. Obviously, watching his ex-wife Kim Kardashian dating Pete Davidson is agony for Ye. But as he actively milks it for all it's worth, blasting his public disgrace all over social and mainstream media, he also appears to be in the throes of a kind of celebrity cuckold's ecstasy.Literary KinkOne of the best, most sapiosexual ways to get yourself and/or your partner into a kinky mood is to read something stimulating. But what? You might be surprised to find that some of the best kinky erotica is in the Bible. Yes indeed, Brothers and Sisters, Lovers and Sinners, sing Hallelujah and open your Old Testament to the Song of Songs and the Book of Esther, both surprisingly sex-positive. For sex-negative kink, consider hanging with the guys in Sodom and Gomorrah. Anaïs Nin’s Delta of Venus is classic early 20th century erotica, much of it kinky, which the great diarist wrote during the Great Depression for a dollar a page. More emotional and subtly kinky are her famous diaries; read them unexpurgated. Some of the finest, most taboo, profoundly eloquent and absolutely riveting, literary kink is in the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy (no relation to Bill Cosby’s sleep fetish!) beginning with The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty, written by the great Anne Rice (who just passed away) under the kinky pen name of A.N. Roquelaure. Many years ago, before the Interview with the Vampire author got mega-famous, I had the honor of interviewing her for an article I was writing for the San Francisco Bay Guardian about "interesting couples." Anne’s intensely romantic relationship with her husband, Stan Rice, whom she’d met in high school (and who happened to be my English professor and chairman of the San Francisco State University Master’s degree program), was certainly "interesting." Though the great author was much more conservative than hippie me, I was very impressed by Anne’s deep love for Stan, as well as her sparkling brilliance, wit, gothic horror stories, and her signature *kinky nun* look—high-collared white lace blouse and black maxi-skirt that matched her bangs crowning her cascades of jet-black hair. A couple years later, when I was just learning about BDSM, a more experienced kinkster turned me on to Anne’s Beauty books, and I was blown away. A woman of many literary facets, Anne also wrote the famous erotic novel Exit to Eden under the pen name Anne Rampling, though that didn’t have the impact (for me) of her penetrating, no-holds-barred, no topics-off-limits Beauty books. As I reflect upon Anne's death (12.11.2021), I feel her Thanatos-enraptured spirit has come home. I also realize that Anne Rice opened an erotic dungeon door for me with her kinky Beauty. Indeed, Anne and Stan Rice were my role models for a very special kind of wild, creative, romantic but enduring, and rather kinky love, inspiring my own marriage to Capt’n Max. I’d also recommend the excellent kinky erotica of a few of my favorite DrSuzy.Tv guests: Stan Kent (on Urban Erotica, Pyrophilic Bday Spanking Gangbang, Spring Showers and more) tells a captivating tale of British boarding school impact play, Caning Able, that will make you laugh as it turns you on, and Eden Baylee (on Female Masturbation Education) explores intimate seasonal kink in Spring into Summer. Rachel Kramer Bussel (on Shameless Erotica and Daddy Please!) has penned and edited many great kink books, including Anything for You: Erotica for Kinky Couples, an excellent kink primer for an adventurous duo. Most of Rachel’s marvelous books and anthologies are released by Cleis Press, a major publisher of great kinky erotica and how-to books. I’ll also mention one kinky mega-bestseller that I didn’t particularly like: 50 Shades of Grey. Due to a confluence of forces, this ultra-poorly written trilogy managed to generate a huge and passionate interest in kink from typically kink-ignorant, conservative, sex-negative and fairly sex-starved, suburban matrons. Despite—or maybe because—it’s so poorly written, it struck a nerve that showed the world at least one, very important, widely overlooked phenomenon: the most unlikely women crave kink. Need more? Read more… 55 Most Erotic Books Click for Some of Rachel’s PicksCinematic KinkFilms are filled with kink, whether the filmmakers intend for them to be kinky or not. It can be good or bad, light or dark, kink-positive or very negative, and your feelings about it have everything to do with you, your tastes and your desires. Of course, kink is very popular in porn—to the point you often can’t tell where the porn ends, and the kink begins. The fact that most modern human societies offer very little in the way of explicit sex education leaves pornography as virtually the only alternative. These days, porn is so ubiquitous, it has almost as much effect on our sexuality—positive and negative—as friends, family members and role models. Thus, many people blame what they have been told is their porn “addiction” for their more controversial kinky desires. Porn might enhance or refine your desire for certain types of kink, but it is hardly ever the root reason you feel that desire. We can also find plenty of kink in mainstream movies where it is often presented in a negative, misinformed light, but occasionally it is handled with care, sensitivity, humor, wisdom, great artistry and intense eroticism. Here are just a few select films and TV shows that feature kink(s). Some link to trailers, and others to the entire film. This list is by no means comprehensive or even a “best of,” just a jumping off point for your kinky film-watching endeavors.
Culinary KinkFood and sex are two of the most basic, universally needed elements of life. Combine them, and it's kinky! Here in Bonoboville, splosh is one of our favorite kinks. Check out Dr. Susan Block's Speakeasy Journal of Splosh 'n' Art featuring Daniele Watts, Chef Belive and a big yummy, kinky mess.Kink and Fantasy“There is no limit to imagination I’m into every type of stimulation Getting kinky is an excitation I gotta have that kink!” —Carmina Formosa Fantasy may be reality’s much-maligned stepsibling, but it is a huge part of human consciousness. For better and for worse (mostly worse these days), many people live in fantasy more than reality. Kinky, vanilla or a multi-flavored combo, your sexuality is fueled by three basic types of fantasy. There are… 1) Fantasies of your past, aka your memories filtered through time… 2) Fantasies of your future, aka your hopes and dreams, and… 3) “Pure” fantasies—wild reveries that never happened and that you never really want to have happen—but which haunt and stimulate you like a kinky parallel universe. Kinky fantasies rise and fall like waves rippling through your brain—regardless of whether you want them to or not. You may be able to control your actions, including your speech, but you can't control your thoughts. So don't make like the "thought police" and bust yourself for your kinky fantasies You might be able to force yourself to think or not think about a particular subject for a while, perhaps via distracting yourself with something else. You could try not to watch porn. As many experts advise, you could watch a cooking show, go for a walk, do yoga, call a friend, get into gardening, read a book, volunteer at a soup kitchen or maybe go to Church instead. All of that sounds good, but is any of it really a substitute for sexual fantasy (unless you’re sitting there in the pews fantasizing about your smoking hot minister)? Sooner or later, you will find your mind wandering back to whatever is playing in the Erotic Theater of Your Mind… which could well be that troublesome fantasy, whatever it might be. Fantasy is not reality; often it's the opposite. However, sometimes a troublesome fantasy indicates a real-life problem that should be addressed. But what if you feel you can’t talk about it with anyone in your life? Maybe not even with your spouse. Maybe especially not your spouse. Or what if you’ve tried, but they’re not interested—or what if they lashed out at you? If that’s your situation, you might consider talking with a therapist, someone who won’t judge you and who might be able to help you make sense of your feelings, as well as realize you're not alone. Though kinky fantasies can be problematic, they can also provide hidden mental health benefits, killing the pain of trauma and fear with arousal. Think about it: If erotic fantasies never played in your mind’s multiplex, then your inner horror movies—or just the constant awareness of your own anxiety—could give you a heart attack! So, be grateful for your kinky fantasies; they are gifts! Just as your dreams can help you to cope with your real-life problems, so can your fantasies, though they tend to do so when you’re awake. Your kinky fantasies can also be keys that unlock the doors of your repressed personal history. Sexual fantasies and erotic dreams, especially when accompanied by orgasm and perspective (not necessarily in that order), can help to release the stress and trauma of past abuse, bullying, sickness and suffering. They can also help you relive good sexual memories. However, your fantasies aren’t just about your past. They can also prepare you for the future. Fantasies can be hazy or detailed rehearsals in the erotic theater of the mind for sexual acts you haven’t yet experienced.Kink is international, non-denominational, and even beyond human; remember, Mother Nature is a kinky MILF. Your sexual fantasies evolve and change as you do. If they are troublesome in any way, it might be helpful to share them with a sex therapist who can help you to put them in perspective—through discussion, kink-positive roleplay, sexual psychodrama, hypnosis and other techniques—reducing their negative power over you. For various reasons, many people struggle against their own fantasies. However, fighting fantasies is like fighting ghosts… they’re slippery creatures! Rather than fighting a losing battle, I suggest you find ways to “make friends” with your fantasies— including the kinky ones. You may not want to act out all your kinky fantasies in real life—and you probably shouldn’t—but you can accept them as very personalized gifts from the Erotic Theater of your Mind, and use them to release stress and come to terms with the many layers of your sexuality. You might want to explore them over the phone where you can close your eyes and enter the Erotic Theater of the Mind without worrying what you or the person on the other end of the phone looks like or what you're really doing. Then you can explore your kinks together on the dark fertile ground of your imaginations.Kink & PoliticsPolitics and kink have long been intertwined, at least since Caligula made his horse a senator. And then there was Napoleon’s message to his beloved Cougar Josephine: “I’m coming home. Don’t wash.” The great Bonaparte apparently had a kink for strong, natural, feminine aromas. In fact, the relationship between kink and politics is much older than that. We can trace its origins to the earliest expressions of religion which, as a general, almost universal rule, tends to ritualistically mix kink with politics, even while solemnly condemning kink as sinful. Sound confusing? Consider the first book of the Old Testament which has “the Lord,” a supremely sadistic voyeur with a penchant for painful punishments, punishing His naughty children, Adam and Eve, for cavorting with His forbidden phallic Snake and biting into His delicious taboo apples that then magically make them feel both horny and ashamed. Then they have sex and cover their nakedness with those fetishistic fig leaves, ruining God’s Original All-Nude All-the-Time Floor Show. Looking at the Judeo-Christian human origin story this way—which may be kind of funny, but isn’t such a stretch—you could say that all of humanity’s kinky desires stem from God the Father’s original, unreasonable and eternal abuse of His Children (us). No wonder we have a chronic epidemic of sexual harm inflicted upon the young by the clergy… who are, at least in the Catholic faith, expected to be celibate. Talk about kinky—as in twisted! From the Biblical to the historical, kink has always been political. As the sapiosexual folks at Karada House say, “Kink does not exist in a vacuum… it cannot be separated from politics, history and lived experiences.” That doesn’t necessarily make kink more or less liberal or conservative, Democratic, Republican, Libertarian or Socialist. It doesn’t make kink Abrahamic, Asiatic or atheistic. Kink is international, non-denominational, and even beyond human; remember, Mother Nature is a kinky MILF. Good kink is a little more narrowly defined, being, above all, consensual. However, many consensual kink activities are based on nonconsensual forms of domination, torture, gender debasement and trauma practiced by various political and religious groups and individuals. For example, floggers, whips and canes have been used—and are still used—to nonconsensually punish, coerce, hurt, intimidate and dehumanize real prisoners, slaves and nonbelievers. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t thoroughly enjoy a consensual flogging; of course, you should! However, awareness of an item or activity’s political history adds an important layer of meaning to your kink experience. At the turn of the 20th century, kink rose to the forefront of politics with the kink-weaponized Starr Report, featuring sex that’s “not sex”—which is actually a great definition for kink!—including teasing, phone sex, oral, a cigar, DNA on a dress and the lasciviously detailed, Puritanically-driven impeachment of President Billy Jeff Clinton. Some political activists use kink to entice an audience and make a point. For instance, a topless FEMEN protestor, with the words “God is a Woman” written on her bare chest, grabbed the baby Jesus from the Saint Peter’s Square Nativity scene before a Vatican cop stopped her, inadvertently becoming a player in her kinky political theater scene.Kink and sex in general can be a leaky business, especially when combined with politics, so one should always be prepared to either plug that leak or go with the flow.Another great example is my longtime friend and DrSuzy.Tv guest, Mistress Tara Indiana, who ran for President in 2016 on the Female Supremacy Party ticket, promising to “whip America back into shape, one middle-aged white man at a time.” When she lost that election to Trump, Mistress Tara formed a FemDom collective called “Dominatrixes Against Donald trump” (D.A.D.), aka “Women Who Pee Standing,” to “highlight the hypocrisy, injustice and double standard that’s applied to sex workers and the politicians that hire them. A Dominatrix who pees on Trump can be sent to jail, while Trump can pay to be peed on and he gets to be President.” D.A.D. did a very kinky political performance art piece on DrSuzy.Tv, spanking and humiliating a Trump surrogate, forcing him onto his knees to take it from behind and then onto his back where several of us squatted over him to give him the golden showers referenced by the Steele Dossier. I ran my own kinky U.S. Presidential campaign back in 1992 (on the Block Party ticket, of course) and was Vice Presidential running mate to the late great kinky political poet Frank Moore’s 2008 U.S. Presidential Campaign. Much of my own writing combines kink and politics, especially my post-911 Terror Journals and other Counterpunch articles. Obviously, I’m very open about my own kinks, but most people prefer to keep their kinks private, and I strongly believe in the right to that privacy. However… what can you do if and when your secret kinks are leaked by a political rival in the middle of your election campaign? You could lie and deny like Trump, or maybe tell the truth, like Manhattan City Council candidate Zack Weiner who bravely copped to his kink. It may have cost him the election (though he was already behind… so to speak), but fellow kinksters—many of whom are also voters—will always honor his honesty. Kink and sex in general can be a leaky business, especially when combined with politics, so one should always be prepared to either plug that leak or go with the flow.Kink, Trauma and PathologyTrauma and kink might seem to be diametrically opposed, but they are very much related, as we discussed in our fantasy section. Trauma can contribute to a desire for kink, and caring consensual kink can help to heal past traumas. First, to be clear, being kinky itself is not a sign of trauma, nor does enjoying fetishes or BDSM imply a pathology or psychological disorder. A Journal of Sexual Medicine study of the Psychological Characteristics of BDSM Practitioners concluded that “BDSM may be thought of as a recreational leisure, rather than the expression of psychopathological processes.” “Though mental health providers have historically pathologized kinky behavior as ‘Sexual Sadism and Sexual Masochism Disorders,’” according to the Gender and Sexuality Therapy Center’s Healing From Sexual Trauma Through Kink, “there is research that shows people who practice BDSM are less neurotic, more extroverted, more open to new experiences, more conscientious, less rejection sensitive, and have higher subjective well-being than non-kinky people. A similar U.S. study found BDSM-identified couples reported less stress as well as increased intimacy following play.” Over the years, many kink-positive sexologists have helped to slowly remove the stigma of pathology attached to BDSM and other fetishes, but Charles A. Moser, MD, PhD, stands out. Dr. Moser’s “research on kink and his contribution of over 100 scholarly articles over 45 years, most on alternative sexualities, created an evidence-based conversation in psychiatry that coincided with the social changes that have made de-pathologizing kink an intellectually credible effort,” writes Russell Stambaugh, an award-winning sexologist and clinical psychologist who has also made significant contributions to the study and normalization of kink. Though kink itself is not pathological, the desire for kink is sometimes tied to childhood abuse, early illnesses and accidents, relationship issues, problematic family dynamics, domestic violence, humiliation, schoolyard bullying and other forms of trauma. These kink-fueling traumatic events often occur in childhood when we are most vulnerable and impressionable, but you can also contract PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) leading to kinky desires from being involved in war, occupation, poverty, inequities, climate catastrophe, the pandemic and more. In this crazy, mixed up, “civilized” world, many are trauma survivors, and some of us are kinksters. Some of us even utilize our kinks to heal the pain of trauma, transforming it into erotic pleasure, restoration and inspiration. To learn more about the many fascinating intersections of trauma, kink and therapy, check out Trauma Shrink and FemDom Kink, or just continue reading.Kink TherapySince kink is not usually pathological (well, not unless you’re Jeffrey Dahmer), can it be therapeutic? Can practicing consensual kink actually help to heal trauma? In a way, this entire article is about the therapeutic benefits of kink. The science behind kink therapy is rarely discussed due to the traditional sexual squeamishness of Western medicine, particularly as practiced in the good old Puritanical U.S.A. Yet the evidence is clear. Biochemically speaking, we know that pleasure is a painkiller (see above). When your kinky psyche associates arousal with the experience of consensual, expected pain (no sucker-punches please!), endorphins rush into your bloodstream, and the pleasure—or even just the anticipation of pleasure—helps you to handle the pain… at least to a point. When arousal is in the driver’s seat and pleasure is riding shotgun, then pain—both physical and psychological—is forced to take a backseat. In fact, a little bit of consensual pain—or maybe a lot (if you’re a “pain slut”)—tends to heighten the pleasure. Spanking and other forms of impact play are especially effective, cathartic forms of therapy, as Russian studies have shown, along with our own anecdotal research conducted here at the Block Institute. Why would someone who was beaten as a child find it healing to be spanked as an adult? The bottom line is consent. A child cannot and likely would not consent to being beaten. But the consenting adult might find that a structured spanking with clear boundaries from someone for whom they feel both lust and trust gives them a cathartic, therapeutic release they can’t get from just talking about it. Kink can heal the body and mind in a multitude of manners—from relieving stress to building confidence, dissipating depression, reducing painful shyness and working through past trauma. However, it’s important to note that involvement in kink can also create its own trauma, even among consenting adults, as we’ve seen in recent news stories about celebrity kinksters stepping over the line and into abuse. Best to tread lightly and take it slow, using—and respecting— “safe words,” as you go.Kink-Positive Therapists Without Borders“That Puritanical shame still prevails Cause when the Puritans came all they built were jails. But we’re living in a modern society And we can all afford to be a bit more kinky.” —Rose Kelso As kink becomes increasingly accepted into the mainstream, more and more forms of therapy are emerging that address it in a healthy way. Kink-positive sex therapy can help individuals deconstruct their past traumas, learn to identify and explore ways to release fears and feelings of shame, as well as truly embrace their always-evolving sexuality. Whether you need serious psychotherapy to investigate the origins of your kink(s) and/or the best way to handle them or you’d prefer to just enjoy a fun kinky fantasy roleplay—or a combination—our kink-positive Therapists Without Borders here at the Dr. Susan Block Institute are some of the best in the world. You can experience your kink therapy session via webcam, phone or text anytime you like 24 hours a day. In-person sessions are also available, though our physical facility is temporarily closed due to pandemic concerns. However, we are always open to talk with you! Need to talk about a kink that you can’t talk about anywhere else? You can talk to us. Call anytime: 213.291.9497. We’re here for YOU… and your kink(s).Want to Read Some Reader Comments about Cougar Sexuality? Or Post Your Own Comment? Click These Links: Kink on Facebook Twitter One Twitter Two © February 7. 2022 Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 626-461-5950. Editorial Assistance on this article provided by Adriana Gomez-Weston and Crysta Swindell. Read More |
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COUGAR SEXUALITY
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Dedicated to all the great Cougars of history and mythology who remind us that "mature" can be sexy, if we want it to be. by Dr. Susan Block. Do you like older women? Actually, do you just love older women? Have you ever been intimate with a sexy, experienced female who happens to be a year or two—or maybe a couple of decades—older than you? Have you thought about it? Have you ever fantasized about your sultry history teacher, a celebrity influencer or maybe that beautiful, sophisticated politician on TV? Or did your doctor give you some additional symptoms? If you feel this way, you’re not alone. You just want to get with a Cougar. Then again, maybe you are a Cougar, or you’d like to be one… What's a “Cougar” First, let’s define our terms. What do we mean by "Cougar"? No, we’re not talking about the wildcat. Though, it’s understandable if you’re fascinated by these majestic feline animals. Like pumas or panthers, American wildcat cougars are big, beautiful, powerful pussies who could possibly eat you alive, if they’re hungry. A human “Cougar” is a hot older woman who enjoys younger men—or women, or anyone else for that matter. The Cougar deliberately seeks out younger lovers for relationships and casual encounters, often acting as a sexual guide or teacher, based on her greater erotic experience. Urban Dictionary defines a human Cougar as “an ‘older,’ experienced woman who happens to find herself in a sexual relationship (committed or not) with a younger man. She is not necessarily a slut, nor is she desperate. She offers sexual expertise and is open to new experiences…Though older, she may actually look younger than her ‘hook-up.’ She is attractive, confident, and just wants to have fun. She will not attempt to trap her mate into marriage, children or even an exclusive relationship. She is not interested in drama or games, as that would interfere with the pleasure she enjoys.” That’s a good definition of the ideal Cougar. Not all are quite so superlative. Some are “desperate.” Some “play games.” Cougars are human too—despite their formidable feline powers.Just like in the wild, even the fiercest Cougar adores her playful cubs. Nevertheless, they can be the most fabulous creatures on earth! MILF vs. Cougar Is a Cougar a MILF? Not necessarily. While a Cougar can be a MILF (Mother I’d Like to F*ck), a MILF is not always a Cougar. However, the two are often closely associated, and a woman can sometimes be both a MILF and a Cougar. Stifler’s Mom in American Pie comes to mind, or the notorious Mrs. Robinson in The Graduate. “Are you trying to seduce me, Mrs. Robinson?” In sexual parlance, the MILF serves as an object of desire. Her feelings are not as significant to her “MILF” status as the fact that she is a mother, and her sex appeal—her body, her style, that *look* she gives you when she asks you to mow her lawn. She herself may or may not be interested in sex; what makes her a MILF is that she looks and/or sounds sexy. Technically, the Virgin Mary could be a MILF, if you’re turned on by halos. Also, a MILF can be any age, older or younger than the MILF lover. Cougars, on the other hand, are always older than their lovers. They also are, by definition, very interested in sex. Cougars deliberately seek out erotic encounters and relationships with younger partners. When they find someone they want, they might well pounce… like a cougar. Cougars can be MILFs, but some are child-free. The significant factor that separates the Cougars from the MILFs—or anyone else—is their profound desire, coupled with confidence. This is partly biological, as women tend to reach their sexual “prime” in their late thirties—mid-forties, which is also prime Cougar time. But not every woman 35-45 is a Cougar. That takes a special kind of prowess. Not only do you have to be sexy enough to attract younger lovers, bold enough to approach them and energetic enough to keep up with them, you also have to handle rejection gracefully. No matter how irresistible your magic mirror says you are, not every potential young lover wants to be your cub. Though you can comfort and re-energize yourself with the knowledge that there are plenty out there who do. Is a Cougar a "Hot Wife"? Possibly, but not necessarily. If she's married, perhaps to an older man who can't keep up with her sexually, she might cuckold him with a young cub (with or without his knowledge), and then she'd be a Hot Wife. But Cougars can also be single, polyamorous or some category of their own ingenious invention. Are YOU a Cougar? Do you prefer younger lovers? Do you feel younger than your chronological age? Is great sex important to you? Is it more important than what other people think? Have you noticed partners your own age just can’t keep up with you—in bed, on the dance floor, in the great outdoors or anywhere? Are you a sexually experienced woman unashamed of your “past,” but excited to share what you’ve learned with others? Are you unafraid to pursue what you want? Can you handle the “no” word? Can you take a joke? Are you fairly independent? Those wildcat cougars tend to be solitary creatures that mostly socialize when they seek a mate. Human Cougars aren’t antisocial—not at all—but they do tend to be self-reliant. Can you relate (at least sometimes) to current youth culture and music? Would you be comfortable with paying for dates and other things? If they were worth it, would you be someone’s “Sugar Mama”? Are you young at heart and open for adventures you can’t even imagine? If your answer is “yes” to half those questions, you’re a Cougar! Or, you could say, you’re “Cougar Sexual.” Or maybe “Cougarsexual.” Kind of like “pansexual” or “sapiosexual,” but with the focus on the mature female (of any gender, really; I know some feminine—but not trans—gay men who consider themselves Cougars) who take younger lovers.Little did young Massimo know he had entered the den of a Cougar and her cubs, but soon enough, he became her favorite. Warning: When I say “younger,” I’m not talking under-age, of course. No jailbait please! Obviously, that’s illegal, unethical and all kinds of wrong. All “cubs” must be over 18. If you’re not sure, ask to see an ID… before you’re in bed. Seriously, you can’t be too careful. When in doubt, bow out. Cougarsexuality is more socially acceptable than ever in civilized history, but with equal opportunity comes equal responsibility. Irresponsible Cougars who are caught going after underage teen students are being prosecuted and receiving hefty prison terms. They also have the words “sex offender” stamped on their record like a modern day “Scarlet Letter.” It’s not just about age, it’s also about consent. You’re a human Cougar, not a ravenous mountain cat, so make sure your *prey* is at least somewhat interested before you pounce. One of the Cougar’s most appealing qualities is that she tends to take the lead. A lot of people love to be chased by attractive pursuers, men included—especially men, as men are so rarely chased! Nevertheless, don’t take the so-called *predator* role of real cougars as your model. And no pouncing on actual students or patients of yours, dear teachers, professors and fellow doctors! Though roleplay can be a fantastic way to fulfill these common but taboo sexual fantasies. This might sound like a lot of restrictions for a human wildcat. Nevertheless, the world can be your proverbial oyster if the object of your desire is of legal age, doesn’t involve “exploitation” of your professional position and isn’t your best friend’s son… well, maybe your best friend’s son (if over 18) would be okay. Then again, probably not. Choose wisely, Madame Mountain Cat! Are You a Cub? No, I'm not talking about Chicago baseball, though you might be playing a game that involves your bat and balls. Basically, if you’re attracted to Cougars, you're a “cub,” the older cat’s younger, playful, adorable companion. Of course, the actual wildcat’s cub is her own offspring, while a human Cougar isn’t her cub’s real mother... at least not usually, though it’s a common fantasy, as evidenced by the extreme popularity of my friend Kay Parker (who played the Mom, Barbara Scott, in the notorious film Taboo). Cubs can be male, female, trans or gender-fluid. However, most of the time, cubs are men, though they might feel and act like boys—or “boy toys”—around their Cougar. In terms of kink, a cub could be dominant or submissive to his Cougar. Unless the cub is a very low-level slave to a Cougar Domme, the erotic feelings tend to be mutual. Just like in the wild, even the fiercest Cougar adores her playful cubs. Most sexual fetishes and preferences stick with you for a lifetime, but for many people, desiring a Cougar or cub could be a temporary phase. For instance, a man might prefer Cougars in his teens and twenties, but then settle down in his thirties to have a family with a woman his own age or younger. A woman might marry an older man; then after she's widowed or divorced, she could come out as a Cougar. She might stay a Cougar the rest of her life or, after a few flings with cubs, go back to being with older guys. The fact that wanting or being a Cougar or cub is often a temporary phase isn't, in and of itself, a good or bad thing. However, it's something to keep in mind when one of you seems to be more serious about a long-term relationship than the other. Why Cougars Attract Cubs The most popular Cougar quality is her sexual experience and the fact that the cub can learn from that experience. Many young men are unsure about what to do to please a woman, as well as how to stay hard, bring up a fetish or fantasy, try new positions, or just relax and enjoy themselves, and a good Cougar can help them with all of that. They can also be embarrassed to tell a woman what arouses them. A good Cougar can draw them out and, thanks to her experience, she tends to have a good idea of what positions, techniques, fantasies and “dirty talk” turn her partners—and her—on. A sexual relationship with an experienced Cougar can be like enrolling in a college of carnal knowledge where you’re majoring in your sexuality. You can *be yourself* with your Cougar, as she isn’t so easily shocked, though, like any teacher, she usually demands respect from her student. My husband Max (Massimo in Italian) often says he was "raised" by Cougars. He was first approached by a beautiful older woman when he was a very handsome but rather shy teenager hanging out on the beach in Genoa, Italy. In her late thirties (twice his age!), Angelina took young Massimo to her palatial cabana where dozens of other young men were lounging around, drinking and smoking. Little did young Massimo know he had entered the den of a Cougar and her cubs, but soon enough, he became her favorite. Alas for Angelina, things change quickly in the life of a cub, and within a few weeks, young Massimo was onto Cougar #2. Myria Selva, renowned Italian actress, seduced him while he was waiting on her table at the restaurant by the Eleanora Duce State Theater where she was starring in a play. Later, Myria got Massimo a part in that play, he moved in with her and her two chihuahuas, and the young cub learned everything his Cougar could teach him about sex, romance, women and the theater. Myria passed away in 2013, but I know she will live forever in Massimo’s heart as that remarkable older woman who guided him onto a path of joyous sexuality, feminine beauty, fantastic theater and great erotic art. Besides sexual maturity, a Cougar’s experience often brings emotional maturity, almost always a bonus in an adult relationship. A Cougar’s sexual confidence is one of her most alluring qualities. Cougars tend to be independent and not as needy as young drama queens, nor are they as likely to exact revenge if things don’t work out. Ben Franklin Loved Cougars! Don’t just take my word for it. Ask America’s greatest Founding Father, Benjamin Franklin who, in Advice to a Young Man on the Choice of a Mistress), gives several reasons why more mature women make better lovers than younger ones. Some of these “reasons” are rather sexist and dated, but others are timeless, like: “Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor'd with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable.” “Because thro' more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion.” “Lastly, they are so grateful!” Ben goes on at greater length, with flourish. According to historic accounts, he really did like Cougars (especially the European *breed*) and is rumored to have had affairs with several and probably could have written The Cougar Almanac for Young American Cubs at Home and Abroad. Cougar Problems Of course, not all Cougars are wonderful, discreet, experienced, ideal sex teachers. After all, as Capt’n Max often says, the ideal is the enemy of the real. A Cougar could be inexperienced; perhaps trapped in a sexless marriage for 20 years before she makes a break and finds a younger lover. A Cougar could be immature, mean and rather ungrateful. Rich widow Cougars are more likely to be that way… but they make up for it—sometimes—by financing your wardrobe, meals and art projects. For any rule, there are always exceptions—especially when it comes to love and sex. From the Cougar’s viewpoint, life isn’t always a bed of roses—with the perfect cub in the middle—either. At least, not without thorns. All real roses have thorns. Then there’s the perverse little matter of social customs. Though a Cougar’s confidence and experience are her greatest, sexiest strengths, they can also be a kind of curse, intimidating people who are comfortable with more traditional gender roles. Times are a’changing, but the double standard remains. Men still usually pair up with younger women—both in real life and on screen, for casual sex and serious relationships—and as men grow older, very often their female partners get even younger, especially if the men are successful. Well, that’s capitalism for you! Though inconsistent and often unfair itself, the #MeToo movement is moving society towards a more critical view of such pairings where the guy’s a lot older than the gal, as well as a more open attitude to the Cougar/cub relationship. Nevertheless, for the most part, the majority of human societies accept a man dating or marrying a woman four decades younger than him as *normal.* In contrast, if a woman is just a few years older than her male partner, it’s often considered quite scandalous, or at least taboo. In part, this is due to biology; women usually can’t bear children past their forties, which is when Cougar’ing often gets in gear—while men (usually with a little help from Viagra) can technically reproduce until they’re flatlined. So, men *should* desire younger women, and women *should* be attracted to older men (who can presumably provide for their inevitable children), at least according to evolutionary psychology which says we are all driven by reproduction. Perhaps, but that drive to reproduce doesn’t always translate into actually reproducing. Not everybody wants to have biological children, and in our human-heavy world, being “child-free” can be a good thing for the individual and society. Sometimes that “drive to reproduce” that we all innately possess is channeled into great art, service to humanity, romance, adventure and/or awesome Cougar sex. So… what’s the big deal? The “big deal” is tradition, religion, repression, patriarchy and paranoia. These are some of the ancient sources for the societal messages that whisper, sing and shout at us that a mature woman with a younger man is an abomination, a sin, an embarrassment, a disaster or just plain wrong. So, whether you’re the Cougar or the cub, don’t be surprised if your friends and family—not to mention your church, temple, therapist and most of pop culture—try to dissuade you from this path. It is not for the weak… though it makes you weak in the knees. As of this writing, pop icon Madonna (aged 62) is being dragged on social media as "distasteful" for showing PDA (public displays of affection) with her 27-year-old boyfriend, Ahlamalik Williams. One commenter said, "It is sad to see that Madonna can’t age with grace [and] is trying to act younger." Would the same be said about a man of Madonna’s age with a woman of Ahlamalik’s age? And what exactly does it mean to “age with grace”? To confine your playtime to grandchildren, your skirts to below-the-knee, your hair to silver-grey and your sex life to nonexistent? Perhaps, another way to “age with grace” is to be an elegant erotic guide to eager young students of sex. Of course, Madonna gets more than her share of “Go Girl!” comments too; she’s Madonna! And part of what makes Madonna “Madonna!” is her ability to transcend the haters and just do what she wants, and that includes taking lovers (and husbands) who are almost always younger than her (see below). So, if you’re confident, sexy and energetic like Madonna—or like YOU—you’ve got what it takes to assume the title of Cougar. With a little luck, your cub could even be elected President of France! When Brigitte Trogneux Macron first began seeing Emmanuel Macron, they met in secret; their love was so forbidden. Not only was she 25 years older than him, but she was also his high school drama teacher. Despite the stigma, they persevered, fell more deeply in love, and eventually came out to their families and the world. Now Emmanuel is President of France and Brigitte is First Lady. Talk about a cub/Cougar power couple. Rowl! Cougar by Numbers Though the Cougar/cub combo is still considered taboo, the numbers are growing, even for long term relationships. The amount of marriages where the woman is five to ten years older than her spouse is small (5.4 percent and 1.3 percent, respectively), but they have doubled between 1960 and 2007, according to census data. It’s cool to “go your own way,” but there’s strength—and respect—in numbers, and the numbers are running with the Cougars!Looking to talk with sexually mature woman who can teach you a thing or two about sex? We’re available anytime. Call us now at 213.291.9497. Some Cougar History Honored and maligned, beloved and despised, mature women have been taking younger lovers throughout history and probably prehistory as well. Cougars also appear in ancient mythology. One of the earliest mythological and most famous Cougars of all time is Aphrodite (Venus to the Romans), Greek Goddess of Love, Sex and Beauty who has many younger lovers—including her own son, Eros! But her favorite mortal cub is Adonis, so handsome, other gods and goddesses fall for him as well, though Aphrodite is, was and always will be his great immortal Cougar love. According to legend, the Goddess of Love’s favorite cub never grows old. Adonis dies young, killed by a wild boar sent by jealous Artemis, Virgin Goddess of the Hunt, but the young cub’s love for his Cougar Aphrodite remains eternally strong. The Greek playwright Euripides displayed a less sanguine view of Cougars, cubs and cuckolds in Hippolytus (428 BCE), the tragedy of Phaedra, beautiful wife of famed hero Theseus who falls in love with her stepson, Hippolytus, who most vehemently does not love her back, resulting in terrible fates for the whole family. If you’re looking for inspiration to explore the Cougar life—or that of the cub or cuckold (Theseus is the paranoid cuckold)—do NOT read Hippolytus! My French teacher made us read Jean Racine’s version of Phaedra (en français, s'il vous plaît) in my junior year—when I was a bit of a Cougar as I was dating a sophomore—and honestly, it disturbed me so much, I never took another French class. Though I love France! Speaking of France, one of the greatest Cougars in history was Diane de Poitiers (1499-1566), mistress of the French King Henry II. When she was 35, the beautiful, bold, charming and athletic Diane seduced the teenage Prince Henry. This would be considered statutory rape now, and even then, though not illegal, it was unusual. Nevertheless, they fell in love, and when Henry was crowned King, Diane de Poitiers became a powerful royal mistress, lasting even through the King’s official marriage to Catherine de Medici (who is said to have invented high heels—possibly so she could look her rival in the eye). Besides being the Queen of French Cougars before anyone called them “Cougars,” Diane was an “influencer” B.I.G. (Before Instagram), posing for the finest painters of the time with her cub the King, her beloved horses, suggestive stags and symbols of France, as well as delightfully nude. Catherine the Great (1729-1796) ruled 18th century Russia for three progressive decades and enjoyed at least a dozen different lovers, most of them younger than her. She started by cuckolding her husband Peter III, and picked up speed as a Cougar after his death. Catherine “loved to be in love,” especially with younger swashbuckling soldiers. Her most famous cub was Prince Grigory Potemkin who, as he grew older, encouraged his Empress to take even younger lovers. But no, though she was a great equestrian, and rumors abound, there’s no proof that Catherine the Great ever had sex with her horse. One of the most notorious Cougars of the 20th century was the sultry Mae West. Though Mae reigned over a revolving stable of real-life cubs (in her later years, it was part of her act), she also had a long-time lover, the handsome Paul Novak, who was 30 years her junior. Beyond her inner circle, there were all her younger fans—virtual cubs—including the late great producer of most of my HBO specials, Dave Bell. Though I was already pretty bawdy, Dave encouraged me to model my on-screen *character,* in part, on Mae’s seductive, witty, older-womanly persona. Mae was the ultimate Cougar/comedienne, and unlike most comics of yesteryear, her jokes are still funny. Like a fine wine or *well-preserved* veteran of multiple love affairs, some of Mae’s witticisms have grown wittier with age: Is that a pistol in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before. A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up. A hard man is good to find. When I'm good I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better. “Cougar” Term Origins Despite their powerful, undeniable *influence,* nobody called these bold older ladies who take younger lovers “Cougars” until the 1980s when, urban legend has it, the term “Cougar” entered our erotic lexicon through “locker room talk.” Apparently, the Vancouver Canucks hockey team, when teasing each other about the mature female fans on the prowl for players, referred to these older ladies as “Cougars.” In 1999, Cougardate was launched online, and Toronto Sun journalist Valerie Gibson wrote a story about it in 2001 which, in 2008, became a book, Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men. In 2003, Samantha Jones (Kim Cattrell) and Smith Jerrod (Jason Lewis) embarked upon a steamy and very intimate long-term romance in “Sex and the City.” A few years later, the TV sitcom Cougar Town (2009-2015) followed the exploits of a divorced MILF (Courtney Cox), often shown sipping a glass of red wine. A sultry mom of a teenage son who dates younger men, this Cougar winds up marrying her divorced same-age neighbor. Meanwhile, on the high seas, Carnival Cruise line ran a “Cougar Cruise” that drew over 300 attendees, but apparently, it was too Carnivalesque for Carnival. But the Cougar Party isn’t over!Are you looking to explore some memories or fantasies of the Cougar on your mind? You can talk to the Therapists Without Borders who are eager to speak with you. Give us a call at 213.291.9497. Celebrity Cougars With the advent of the Feminist and Sexual Revolution in the 1960s and 70s, and progressive, sex-positive movements, and the general decline in religiosity over the last four decades, there has been greater social acceptance of older women dating younger men, and celebrities are at the forefront of this transformation. Celebrities are the gods, goddesses and empresses of our times, so it’s no wonder Celebrity Cougars are on the prowl like Aphrodite or Cate the Great. Though it could just as easily be the young Adonis—or Potemkin—“cub” that takes the lead, as in the case of super hunk Jason Momoa who fell head over heels for Lisa Bonet from his living room TV set, watching her on the old Cosby Show when he was a kid in Hawaii. He even told his own mother, “Mommy I want that one,” even though (or because) she was (and still is!) a dozen years his senior. Soon enough, young Jason grew up (and boy, did he grow) and pursued his dream. Sometimes, celebrity crushes are best left in the Erotic Theater of the Mind, but sometimes dreams come true, and cub Jason and Cougar Lisa are now married (together over 14 years) with a beautiful blended family. In the early 2000s, Demi Moore and 15-years-younger Ashton Kutcher’s Cougar/cub marriage brought the term to the forefront of pop culture, though Demi said she prefers to be called a “Puma.” Technically, a “Puma” is supposed to be in her thirties, while Demi was in her forties at the time, but who’s counting? Whichever wildcat you prefer, following her rather tempestuous split with cub Ashton (who married the five-years-younger Mila Kunis), Demi has since dated other younger men. There’s also Heidi Klum, 16 years older than Tom Kaulitz; Janet Jackson and Wissam Al Mana (she's nine years older); Kate Beckinsale and Goody Grace (24 years difference); Lesbian Cougar Ellen Degeneres and her “cubbette” wife Portia de Rossi (15 years apart); Priyanka Chopra who is 10 years older than Nick Jonas; Gabrielle Union and Dwayne Wade, (they have a decade between them); Sam Taylor-Wood (54) and Aaron Taylor-Johnson (30); Selling Sunset reality personalities Mary Fitzgerald and Romain Bonett (12 years apart); Hugh Jackman and Deborah Lee-Furness, (13 years apart), and the Cougar/cub list goes on. I also consider Meghan and Prince Harry to be Cougar and cub; she’s three years older than him, which isn’t much, but it’s another little tweak of British royal tradition. Though it follows a different facet of that same tradition, since Harry’s great grand-uncle, King Edward VIII, married another controversial American divorcee, the notorious Cougar Wallis Simpson, two years older than the King who abdicated the throne for her. No doubt, if there was a Ms. Cougar Pageant, there would be a lot of competition, but Madonna, the quintessential Cougarsexual Material Girl, would probably take the crown. She’s had older boyfriends like Warren Beatty (which may have been a Dick Tracy PR play), but she is famous for her “boy toys,” praised and pilloried whenever their photogenic PDAs appear. She started her Cougarsexual adventures with model Tony Ward (five years younger), then dated (to name just a few) Tupac, David Blaine, Vanilla Ice, Dennis Rodman, Anthony Kiedis, Sean Penn and Guy Ritchie (she married these two cubs), Alex Rodriguez, and the youngest cubs, Brahim Zaibat, Timor Steffens and most recently, kissable smokable Ahlamalik Williams. She pulls it all off with flair. Madonna makes the Cougar life seem downright in Vogue. The Legend of Cougar Liz Warren Could the feisty U.S. Senator from Massachusetts be a Cougar? While running for President, Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren suddenly found herself in the midst of a three-ring media circus casting her as the ferocious “Cougar” in the center ring. It all started when the goofball grifter team of Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman, a couple of far-right tRump supporters and notorious “sexual assault” fraudsters, held a bizarre, quasi-kinky and laughably sanctimonious press conference, elaborately accusing Senator Warren of the high *crime* of Cougarsexuality. The leading man of their slapstick project, Kelvin Whelly, a 25-year-old, “decorated,” hunky, but not-too-sure-of-his-script Marine/escort/cub, claimed he was Liz’s BDSM sex slave or Master or whatever (where’s that script?) for $1000 a visit, more or less, plus tips and Uber rides. After allegedly connecting through a Cougar/cub dating site called “Cowboys for Angels,” he said they met in various hotels for “not just rough sex, but extensive BDSM play” and other “deviant sexual activities” with a “cat o’ nine tails” (which he procured from Amazon, “as we all do”) and “a lime green strap-on dildo (bringing to mind a disturbing image of Sean Spicer in Dancing with the Stars).” Lacking proof or coherency, poor Whelly and Wohl’s “case” collapsed like a limp cowboy. However, if Elizabeth Warren really was or is a kinky cougar wielding a cat o’ nine tails and a strap-on dildo of any color on a hunky twenty-something cub, well, more power to her. I especially appreciate Liz herself tweeting a snappy response to the accusations, establishing herself as America’s Queen of Shade (at least for that media cycle), slapping the douchebags down, making a titillating little pun, and staying on point with her “plan” for canceling student debt: “It’s always a good day to be reminded that I got where I am because a great education was available for $50 a semester at the University of Houston (go Cougars!). We need to cancel student debt and make college free for everyone who wants it.” Go Cougars! Hello Cougar Sally Mullins If you have a slightly “dirty” mind like me, you’re probably wondering if there’s a porn parody of the Boston Cougar, maybe “Jizz on Liz” or “Whorin’ for Warren.” Well, wonder no more: “Hello Cougar” comedienne, frequent DrSuzy.Tv guest and multiple SUZY award winner, Sally Mullins, aka porn star Jamie Foster, pounced on it. Her uncanny resemblance to Elizabeth Warren, dressing and acting the part in films like Scorin’ with Warren, makes her the perfect Liz Warren Porn Parody Doppleganger. You can also see Sally as Liz on The Dr. Susan Block Show broadcast live just before the Coronapocalypse: First, we talk politics and beer (Corona, of course), but then I just have to strip the Senator down and book-spank her naughty bare bottom with The Bonobo Way to make her feel the Bern for how she treated Bernie. Watch Cougar Liz Warren Does DrSuzy.Tv. Unlike Liz, Sally Mullins is a proud real-life cougar. Blonde and bawdy as a modern-day Mae West, we met Sally in 2017 on Kink Month III: Night of the Cougar, when she was our featured guest promoting her “Hello Cougar” show that showcased her erotic encounters with cubs. She came back to Bonoboville for Cougar Kink to promote “Cookin’ 4 Pussy,” in which potential suitors would whip up something delicious for her in exchange for sex… if she likes what they cook, or maybe how they cook it. [gallery columns="6" link="file" ids="55963,55958,55964,55967,55961,55957,55959,55955,55956,55965,55962,55954,55966,55953,55951,55950,55949,55952"] On Cougar Equinox, we delved deeper into Sally’s quirky CougarSexuality—exploring how, as porn star Jamie Foster, she lives her Cougar fantasies to the sexual fullest—and we give cute cubbette Sunshine a bare-bottom OTK (over-the-knee) spanking over all four of our knees. Sally enjoys her Cougar lifestyle for a number of reasons, not least of which is that it provides a constant source of comedy for her show. Laughter is a mental orgasm, after all. She also likes the regular orgasms that come with the Cougar life. The “mature woman” of Ben Franklin’s wet dreams, Sally seems to genuinely appreciate the sexual energy and drive of younger men, and the fact that they don’t try to control her very free spirit (as older guys tend to do), at least not outside the bedroom—where she kind of likes to be controlled. Now she hunts for her “prey” online, as well as everywhere else. She’s also picked up a few younger guys right here in Bonoboville, not that that’s a huge challenge. Bonobo Cougars Cougarsexuality is very bonoboësque. Indeed, the Make-Love-Not-War bonobos empower the older females—sexually and otherwise—more than any other great ape culture.Bonobo Cougars rule Bonoboville. Along with common chimpanzees, bonobos are the closest Great Apes to human. But while common chimps are patriarchal with older females being at the bottom of the hierarchy, among bonobos, the mature females are at the top, in charge, respected and usually beloved by all. They’re almost all mothers, so you could call them MILFs—and I often do! They’re also Cougars, as these mature bonobo females also tend to be bold and confident in their pursuit of younger partners (male and female) and, of course, they love sex. Indeed, Bonobo Cougars rule Bonoboville. Based on their greater experience, the older females impart their erotic wisdom to the younger generations. Not only do Bonobo Cougars teach their younger lovers how to have sex in a Bonobo Sutra of positions, they also teach them to how to use sex to make “peace through pleasure.” It’s amazing! Bonobos are the only Great Apes that have never been seen killing each other in the wild or captivity, in part, because Bonobo Cougars are in charge of life in Bonoboville. I often say that that we humans would be better off if we could release our inner bonobos and follow the Bonobo Way, not just because we’d have more fun in life, but because bonobos hold the keys to a world without war. Cougarsexuality is one of those keys. Cougar Power From glittering palaces to wild jungles, Cougars are everywhere. If you’ve really read this far (and didn’t just skip to the bottom), congratulations! You’re now a Cougar/cub sexpert.If you still have questions about finding or being a Cougar, concerns about your Cougar/cub relationship, an interest in phone sex therapy, or you’d just like to explore a Cougar fantasy in the Erotic Theater of the Mind, perhaps through erotic hypnosis, guided masturbation or webcam therapy, call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime: 213.291.9497. Where you’re a Cougar, cub or just curious, we’re here for you. Want to Read Some Reader Comments about Cougar Sexuality? Or Post Your Own Comment? Click These Links: Cougar Sexuality on Facebook Twitter One Twitter Two © May 27. 2021 Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 626-461-5950. Read More |
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GANGBANG Phone Sex Therapy
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by Dr. Susan Block. Are you thinking about gangbangs? Do you ever fantasize about multiple men having sex with one woman? Do you imagine your wife, lover or favorite celebrity at the center of the action? Would you want it to be with your friends or strangers? Have you ever participated in a gangbang? Would you like to try it? Do you need to talk about it? Being aroused by the idea of participating in a consensual gangbang is normal and a lot more common than you might realize. You may want to act on your desire, or you may not. Regardless, though gangbangs and all forms of group sex are taboo in most modern human societies—and no one should ever take part in a nonconsensual gangbang—they remain part of our prehistoric primate heritage. Indeed, gangbangs have been going on since the dawn of humanity, for thousands of years before the concepts of monogamy and even fatherhood came into understanding. Need to talk privately about gangbangs, group sex, swinging, cuckolding or any other form of recreational sex? call the world’s foremost experts, the Therapists Without Borders at the Dr. Susan Block Institute. Our team of highly qualified sex therapists, sex life coaches, fantasy roleplay performers, sexual psychodrama facilitators, erotic hypnotherapists and kink specialists are here for YOU anytime you need to talk. Whether you want to better understand your own feelings and desires, act them out in real life, learn how to share them with your partner, work through past experiences, hear about our own experiences with gangbangs, or explore a fantasy over the phone, via webcam through sext therapy and/or in person, we’re here for you. Call 213-291-9497. Why Do You Love Gangbangs? Many gangbang enthusiasts are worried that their interest in gangbangs, threesomes “The Lifestyle” and other forms of group sex makes them “weird.” If that sounds like you, rest assured you’re not weird. Human sexual history, in fact, is loaded with various kinds of group sex, including gangbangs. Unfortunately, much of it—way too much of it—has been by force, most notably and tragically during wartime. Unfortunately, when Hollywood movies, such as The Accused, depict gangbangs, though they don’t show genitalia like porn, they almost invariably show the horrible, nonconsensual kind. However, some of the group sex that’s been going on since hunter/gatherer times has been consensual and a great pleasure, as well as a profoundly meaningful experience, for all involved. That includes gender-balanced swing parties, same sex orgies, one male with a “harem” of females, as well as one female having sex with multiple men. So, there’s nothing new about group sex, including gangbangs. What is *new* is that the Internet allows us to learn more about what other people do than ever before in human history. Moreover, if we want, we can *hook up* with people who share our desires—including the desire to watch or partake in a good gangbang. Search “gangbang” in google, and you’ll see megatons of gangbang porn, and the great majority appears to be enthusiastically consensual. According to PornHub.com, which received 42 billion visits in 2019, “threesome” was the 13th most popular search term and “gangbang” was the 19th most popular, putting both in the top 20. But why is this? Aren’t we supposed to want to be with just one special lover? Why would sharing lovers with others turn us on? Sperm Wars & the Upsuck Effect The “Sperm Wars” phenomenon—where the womb becomes a battleground for sperm that fight like armies or football teams to get one of their sperm (the proverbial football) to the egg first—gives us a biological explanation of why gangbangs are so popular. Studies show that a man’s sperm count tends to rise when competition to fertilize the egg of his wife or girlfriend appears to be high. Whether the man really has genuine rivals who are having sex with his partner or it’s just in his vivid imagination, his brain sends a message to his testicles that says, “Send in the army!” or “We need the whole football team, including reinforcements, for this game!” In other words, “Make more sperm!” Whether he’s excited and happy about the competition or jealous and angry, this phenomenon tends to give a man a stronger erection and a more explosive ejaculation. Of course, it’s better for everyone concerned if he’s more glad than mad, but that does explain why jealous, angry lovemaking or “makeup sex” can be so arousing for some people, despite their better judgment. Conversely, sperm counts often decline in the routine sex of monogamous relationships, no matter how intimate and loving. Since the element of competition is missing, the brain’s message to the balls is, “You don’t need the whole football team to score this goal since there’s no rival team on the field. Conserve your resources and just send in a few runners.” The shape of the human penis gives us another clue as to why gangbangs are so popular. A study by Gordon Gallup and coworkers (2003) concluded that one evolutionary purpose of the thrusting motion characteristic of intense intercourse is for the penis to “upsuck” another man’s semen before depositing its own. Thus a man’s urge to thrust, through intercourse or masturbation, is often enhanced by the presence of another man or several men, whether real or fantasized. A Galaxy of Gangbangs There are many different kinds of gangbangs. There’s the beach party gangbang, a birthday gangbang, a soft-swing gangbang that involves outercourse instead of intercourse. It could be a spanking gangbang, a cuckold gangbang, an oral or an anal gangbang. In terms of the participants, there’s the classic one-woman-with-a-male-gang scenario—and then there’s anything else that turns you and you partner(s) on. Maybe you’re a man who longs to be gangbanged by other men, or perhaps by a group of women sporting strap-ons or squirting all over you. Most men who imagine such scenarios don’t dare express their feelings, not to other men nor to the women in their lives, for fear of being humiliated… even if “humiliation” is part of the fantasy. Need to talk about it privately with someone who understands? Call us at 213.291.9497. Consent is Essential As with any type of sexual activity, the most important element of a gangbang is consent. Fantasy gangbangs can involve whatever turns you on, but any real-life gangbang should require enthusiastic consent from all participants, especially the recipient, the person (usually, but not always, a female) who is at the center of the gangbang. Otherwise, it’s a gang rape. Even if that turns you on in fantasy, it’s not something to ever participate in reality. Keep in mind that, for many reasons, feelings of consent can change over the course of a few minutes or hours. So, it’s important to continually “check in” with the recipient to make sure she or he is “all right,” happy and eager for more. At the first sign of reluctance on the part of the recipient, no matter how turned on everybody else is, the gangbang must stop. Whether or not the gangbang is a success, it’s important to provide “after care,” especially to the recipient. This could take the form of hugs, drinks, food, help cleaning up, words of appreciation, a massage or whatever the recipient enjoys. Need advice preparing your next gangbang soirée? We’ll help you to make sure it’s a success for all concerned. Call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute at 213.291.9497. Are You a Cuckold? "Cuckold" is an old English term for a man whose wife (often called a “hotwife”) has sex with other men (called “bulls”). In the 21st century, there has been a resurgence of interest in the cuckold's predicament, cuckold sex, cuckold fantasies, cuckold erotica, hot wives, big bulls, sperm wars and the cuckold lifestyle. There’s also the cuckold gangbang, when the hotwife has sex with several bulls at one time. The gangbang may or may not include the cuckold himself. There are many types of cuckolds: Submissive Cuckolds, Dominant Cuckolds, Sissy Cuckolds, Fantasy Cuckolds, Sapiosexual Cuckolds, Interracial Cuckolds, Small-Cock Cuckolds, Bi-Curious Cuckolds, Swinger Cuckolds, Spanked Cuckolds, Cuckolds-in-Bondage, Cuckolds-in-Chastity, Director Cuckolds, Cuckold Voyeurs, Cuckold Exhibitionists, Cheated-On Cuckolds, Trans Cuckolds, Reluctant Cuckolds, Humiliated Cuckolds, Happy Cuckolds and many more varieties. Along with the growing popularity of cuckolding, there has been a growing acceptance of it as a “normal” sexual interest, even if it’s enhanced with a gangbang, as long as it’s all consensual. Nevertheless, many men feel ashamed of their desire to be cuckolded, perhaps especially if it involves a gangbang. Such men tend to feel a whole lot better when they learn the “sperm wars” biological explanation for their desires, as well as just how common and “normal” these desires are. Need to talk about sperm wars, cuckolding or gangbangs? Call the Dr. Susan Block Institute at 213-291-9497. Group Sex & Swinging There are many forms of group sex, from threesomes to orgies, polyamorous arrangements, swing parties and pansexual celebrations. Gangbangs are another form of group sex. Group sex might sound very kinky for some, but it fulfills a very natural, human need to share erotic, orgasmic, loving experiences with multiple people, friends, loved ones and attractive strangers. In a world that increasingly demands compartmentalization and isolation, there are few arenas left in which humans can share in this vital, life-affirming experience of communal ecstasy. Different group sex formations are popular, such as the “daisy chain” in which participants perform oral sex on each other in circular formation. Some threesomes exhibit a gangbang flair, such as the “spit-roast,” where two males engage a female (or another male), with one penetrating from the rear, usually doggy style, while the female performs fellatio on the other male. There’s also “double-penetration” in which one male penetrates the lady’s vagina while the other enters her anus. If she goes down on another, that’s a triple-penetration. Add a few more guys around them, watching, stroking themselves and waiting their turn, and you’ve got a classic gangbang. Go Bonobos for Gangbangs Gangbangs and other forms of group sex are very common amongst our closest genetic cousins, both common chimpanzees—who are more likely do it non-consensually—and especially bonobos —who usually do it with enthusiastic consent and are thus far more worthy of our emulation. In fact, the sexual behavior of all the great apes is a fascinating window into how early human sexual behavior evolved, giving us vital clues as to why gangbangs are so arousing for so many people. Many anthropologists agree that prehistoric humans often engaged in various forms of group sex for tens of thousands of years before the advent of farming and “civilization” started pressuring people, especially women, to be sexually monogamous. Certainly, prehistoric humans participated in consensual gangbangs and other bonoboesque forms of recreational sex that are generally considered taboo in modern human society. Do you yearn to liberate your inner bonobo… at least in the Erotic Theater of the Mind? Call us at 213-291-9497. If you’re a porn fan, you probably know that “bukkake” is a Japanese term that refers to spraying the face and body of a person, usually a woman, though sometimes a man, with sperm from one, several or many men. The word actually means “splash” or “squirt” in Japanese. In some bukkake sessions, 150 men ejaculate onto one woman. That’s some gigantic gangbang! In American-style bukkake, the recipient acts like she’s enjoying herself, rubbing the sperm into her skin like a beauty treatment. In Japanese-style bukkake, the recipient is more degraded, often acting like she is an unwilling participant (hopefully, it’s just an act). Legend has it that in ancient Japan, an adulterous woman would be dragged into the town square and tied up, whereupon every man in town ejaculated all over her in a frenzied bukkake gangbang. Basically, they seem to have been saying, “If you’re going to take it from a man other than you husband, you’re going to get it from everyone else. You’re going to be gangbanged.” Some say it comes from the practice of stoning an unfaithful woman to death, and that bukkake is a “kinder, gentler” chastisement. Whether or not the legends are true, “bukkake” became a form of Japanese porn in the 1980s, grew in popularity, and now if you type “bukkake” into google, you’re likely to get hundreds of sites, even if you don’t spell it right. Bukkake is so vivid and provocative, it can represent many different ideas and feelings. Years ago, in an antiwar context, I compared the “Shock & Awe” bombing of Iraq with bukkake (the nonconsensual kind) in Bukkake Bombing Crusade. But back to consensual bukkake (even if it’s made to look forced) where nobody gets killed and, hopefully, everybody has fun and big orgasms, including the recipient. By far the most common bukkake scenario is a group of males ejaculating on a female, but there are scenes where a group of women gangbang a man or woman, spraying the recipient with female ejaculate. Gay male bukkake gangbangs are also popular in which a group of men gangbang one male recipient, covering him in their creamy spunk. Just the sight of all that semen can trigger the Sperm Wars effect in many guys—gay, straight or bi. Banzai! Gangbangs: Natural, Normal…But Not Easy Just because a desire for gangbangs is natural and popular doesn’t mean it’s easy to make it happen in real life, especially in our erotophobic society. There are many variables with one-on-one sex, and group sex just ratchets up the possibilities for problems as well as pleasure. For instance, say you’re a man with an intense gangbang fantasy that you’d really like to make happen in real life. But what if the woman (your wife? Your girlfriend? Your sex buddy?) isn’t as enthusiastic about being “gangbanged” as you are about seeing her in that situation?
What if you can’t find the right guys? Where do you find them? How do you screen them? How do you handle safer sex? What if, despite the fantasy turning you on, the reality makes you jealous? What if people gossip about it, take photos without your permission or otherwise betray your trust? How do you mix lust with trust? Sometimes it helps to talk freely with someone who understands, won’t judge you and will help you. Whether you need more personalized advice or just want to roleplay a fantasy, call the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime at 213-291-9497 Are You a Gangbang Goddess? Are you a woman who wants to be gangbanged? Congratulations! You are a very sexual female, and you deserve to enjoy the tremendous, unparalleled pleasures of group sex. The good news is it probably won’t be tough for you to find partners who want to gangbang you. Just post an ad on a swinger site and watch the replies flood your inbox. The bad news is that it’s not so easy to find partners you really like, feel attraction for and trust with your naked sexuality. It might take some time and patience to mix trust with lust to create the gangbang of your dreams. Unfortunately, most modern societies around the world denigrate all forms of group sex, including consensual gangbangs. This can make your partner judge you harshly for confessing or expressing your desires. So, it’s usually best that you understand your feelings and the issues involved before divulging too much. Most importantly, before you plunge into the deep end of gangbanging and group sex, make sure this is something you want to do, not just something your husband or lover wants you to do. Don’t grudgingly “go along” with a scene that doesn’t turn you on, like Paul Manafort’s wife is alleged to have done in their “interracial” gangbangs. Enthusiastic consent—on your part and the part of all involved—is the basis of a great gangbang or any kind of great sex at all. Need to talk about how to turn your gangbang fantasy into reality? Want to find out how to create the ultimate gangbang, whom to invite, what to serve and what to wear? Want to learn more about the origins of your personal gangbang desires? Or do you just want to enjoy guided masturbation as we explore the fantasy together? Whatever you need to talk about, you can call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute and talk to one of our male, female, trans or non-binary therapists of all ages over 18 with great gangbang knowledge, experience and erotic appreciation. Whether you’d like to get a better understanding of your fetish, get some tips for talking to your partner about it, work through past experiences, hear about our experiences with gangbangs, or just explore gangbangs in the Erotic Theater of the Mind over the phone, via webcam through sext therapy and/or in person, we’re here to help. Call us anytime at 213-291-9497. Read More |
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BONOBO WAY bound for DOMCON LA 2019
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LOS ANGELES, Calif., Apr. 30, 2019 — Susan M. Block, Ph.D., a.k.a., “Dr. Suzy,” internationally renowned sexologist, talk show host and best-selling author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure, will deliver an updated reprise of her acclaimed talk, FemDoms of the Wild: The Bonobo Way of BDSM, at DOMCON LA 2019 on Saturday, May 11, 2019 1-2 p.m.in Room B1 of the Hilton Hotel LAX. “I’m really looking forward to returning to the fabulous, kinky world of DomCon,” says Block, “and so excited to share more about how bonobos, the amazing peace-through-pleasure-loving FemDoms of the Wild, can empower human kinksters and humanity in general.” Inspired by the real-life bonobo apes, our closest living primate relatives, Block will deliver her popular, practical, sapiosexual, multi-media DomCon presentation with an updated outlook on current events and trends, from Trumpanzee politics to Bonobo BDSM, #MeToo (bonobo-style), the SESTA/FOSTA challenge, going bonobos to slow climate change, bisexuality/pansexuality and "incel" therapy in a natural femocracy. Accompanying her talk will be fascinating film footage of bonobos in the wild and the zoo, as well as live human Commedia Erotica dramatization, topping it all off with Bonobo Way book-spankings. Block wrote the definition of “erotic spanking” (as well as “cuckolding,” “sexual fetishes,” “phone sex” and “striptease”) for the Wiley-Blackwell International Encyclopedia of Human Sexuality), and she is about to publish a new “Spank ‘n’ Art” issue of Dr. Block’s Speakeasy Journal. “Adult consensual impact play, BDSM and even a little loving erotic humiliation have great healing power for bonobos as well as humans,” observes Block. “Consider how the brief spanking that Stormy Daniels gave a certain exceedingly narcissistic future president made him stop bragging about himself long enough to have an almost normal conversation—and sex (albeit ‘mediocre’)!” “Dr. Suzy is phenomenal!” declared world-renowned domina, Goddess Soma Snakeoil, after attending last year’s packed presentation. “I loved this class. It was such a joy, and I learned so much!” In this year's Commedia Erotica dramatizations, Block will be assisted by her Dr. Susan Block Show assistant, Blossom Green, as well as “Most Well-Rounded Kinkster” SUZY award winner, MFA and award-winning filmmaker Rhiannon Aarons, Block Institute sex therapist Del Rey and more TBA, demonstrating bonobo play, conflict resolution,"hoka hoka" and female empowerment, “penis fencing” and male well-being and the "Trust Game." “In 2019, bonobo culture is more timely than ever,” Block continues. “Women are taking power in Congress and the bedroom. It’s awesome, but some people are afraid it’s ‘unnatural.’ Bonobos show us that female empowerment and male well-being are not at odds in nature, and together, they create sustainable peace through pleasure. Unlike humans and all the other Great Apes, bonobos have never been seen killing each other in the wild or captivity. How do they do this, and can we humans learn to release our ‘inner bonobos’ before it’s too late? At this especially turbulent point in human history, it’s worth a try.” Times are also turbulent for the highly endangered wild bonobos, now in critical danger of extinction, thanks to human degradation of their natural habitat in the Congolese Rainforest, especially bushmeat hunting. “Bonobo conservation is integral to the Bonobo Way,” asserts Block. “If we lose the bonobos, then we will lose a key to peace through pleasure we can never find again.” Besides DomCon 2018, 2017, 2016 and 2015, Block has presented The Bonobo Way of Inclusivity at AASECT 2016 in San Juan, Puerto Rico, and she will be delivering The Bonobo Way of Transformational, Healing Pleasure at AASECT 2019. She presented The Bonobo Way of Ecosexuality as the keynote speech at the University of Puerto Rico, Mayagüez, for the world’s first Ecosexuality Symposium at an academic institution, and at UC Berkeley for the 5th Conference on Monogamy & Nonmonogamy, as well as The Bonobo Way of Inclusivity at AASECT, the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors & Therapists. Recently, she spoke on writing The Bonobo Way at Yale University (her alma mater), and presented The Bonobo Way of Great Sex at Adultcon LA. She has also spoken about the Bonobo Way at USC, UCLA and Caltech, for MENSA and the Young Presidents Organization. These presentations and others are made possible, in part, thanks to Malcolm Jones and the Bonobo Way Female Empowerment Outreach Project. Throughout DomCon, Dr. Block will wear latex outfits designed by Demask Latex and The Latex Store. Founded by Mistress Cyan St. James, DOMCON LA is “the world’s largest professional and lifestyle domination convention.” DomCon LA 2019 will be held May 8-12. FemDoms of the Wild: The Bonobo Way of BDSM is scheduled for 1-2 PM on Saturday, May 11, 2019. Get tickets here. For a taste of what’s to come, watch last year’s The Bonobo Way at DomCon LA. For information about Dr. Block’s appearances at DomCon 2019 or to arrange an interview, please call 310-568-0066. ### HUMANS LOVE THE BONOBO WAY “The Bonobo Way is a refreshing must-read for our times. Dr. Susan Block pushes the envelope and brings us the truth about bonobos and ourselves—with wit, intelligence and sexual positivity all balancing on a fulcrum of fascinating hard science.” —Dr. Patti Britton, American Association for Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) Past President “Impactful, often hilarious… wildly entertaining… The Bonobo Way just might hold the key to world peace.” —HUFFINGTON POST book review by Steve Karras “The Bonobo Way is sexy and fun... damn smart too.” —Sex at Dawn, author Christopher Ryan, Ph.D. “The Bonobo Way is a pleasure on all counts... and especially significant at this time.” —Dr. SerenaGaia Anderlini D’Onofrio, co-editor of Ecosexuality “Bravo Dr. Block for paving the way to a hopefully more bonobo future.” —Vanessa Woods, Duke University primatologist and author of Bonobo Handshake “Brilliant. A great book about human sexuality and how reverting to an evolutionary path can divest the human race from its aggression and violence.” —Sherry Rehman, Pakistan's Ambassador to the U.S. (2011-15) “Amazing! Dr. Susan Block is an ecosexual visionary.” —Annie Sprinkle, Ph.D., ecosexual artist and filmmaker “The Bonobo Way is marvelous! A happy book for a happy life in a happier world.” —Xaviera Hollander, author of The Happy Hooker “Awesome book... Excellently written and transformative” —Dorion Sagan, science writer and author of Death & Sex “Dr. Susan Block has a new understanding of how to enhance our intimate relationships!” —Progressive News Network interview with Dr. Diana Wiley “Adventure, optimism, and love is what Dr. Susan Block is all about… Patients become fans, and fans become evangelists.” —CITIZEN LA Inside the Pleasure Compound with Dr. Susan Block “AMAZING… The Bonobo Way shines a light on humanity’s capacity for peace.” —Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, author of Wired to Create "The Bonobo Way will save our planet! Dr. Susan's insight into sexuality is not only incredible...it is also the sexual revolution, easily mapped out, that we have been waiting for." --Tracy Vanity, blogger “I love every page of The Bonobo Way!” —Christian Bruyère, producer of Champions of the Wild The Bonobo Way is available in kindle and paperback on Amazon or direct from the publisher. A portion of all proceeds from book sales goes to Lola ya Bonobo, the Bonobo Conservation Initiative and the Bonobo Project, as well as other organizations actively helping to protect and save the highly endangered wild bonobos from extinction. Tired of conventional sexuality experts? Dr. Block is available for comment or interview. Would you like to review The Bonobo Way? Contact us today. David Rossi Phone: 626-461-5950 Email: [email protected] Web:thebonoboway.com Watch the Video: http://j.mp/TBWyouTubeTrailer Read More |
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Dr. Susan Block’s Bonobo Way returns to DomCon LA!
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For Immediate Release: Contact: David Rossi Phone: 626.461.5950 Email: [email protected] Los Angeles, California: May 7, 2018 — Susan M. Block, Ph.D., a.k.a., “Dr. Suzy,” internationally renowned sexologist, talk show host and best-selling author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure, will deliver an updated reprise of her acclaimed talk, FemDoms of the Wild: The Bonobo Way, at DOMCON LA 2018 on Saturday, May 12, 2018 at High Noon in Room A1 of the LAX Airport Hilton. Founded by Mistress Cyan, DOMCON LA is “the world’s largest professional and lifestyle domination convention.” DomCon LA 2018 will be held May 10-13. In addition to giving her presentation, Dr. Block will also serve as a judge at the DomCon LA Pet Awards, a talent showcase and competition among the BDSM community’s most well-trained and creatively costumed “human pets,” hosted by Mistress Ellen and Madame Margherite, in Room B2 on Saturday, May 12 at 1:30 PM, right after her Bonobo Way talk. “I’m looking forward to returning to the wonderful world of DomCon,” says Block, “and so excited to share more about how bonobos, the amazing peace-through-pleasure-loving FemDoms of the Wild, can empower human kinksters and humanity in general.” Inspired by the real-life bonobo apes, our closest living primate relatives, Block will deliver her popular, practical, sapiosexual, multi-media DomCon presentation with an updated outlook on current events and trends, from Trumpanzee politics to Bonobo BDSM, #MeToo (bonobo-style), the SESTA/FOSTA challenge. bisexuality/pansexuality revelations and "incel" therapy in a natural femocracy, illustrating some points with Commedia Erotica dramatization and topping it all off with a Bonobo Way book-spanking (Block wrote the definition of “erotic spanking,” as well as “cuckolding,” “sexual fetishes,” “phone sex” and “striptease” for the Wiley-Blackwell International Encyclopedia of Human Sexuality). “Adult consensual impact play and other forms of BDSM play have tremendous healing power for bonobos as well as humans,” observes Block. “Consider how the brief Forbes Magazine-spanking that Stormy Daniels gave a certain exceptionally narcissistic future president made him stop bragging about himself long enough to have an almost normal conversation.” “Dr. Suzy is phenomenal!” declared Goddess Soma Snakeoil after attending Block's packed DomCon 2017 presentation. “I loved this class. It was such a joy, and I learned so much!” In this year's Commedia Erotic dramatizations, Block will be assisted by her assistant, Dr. Susan Block Show associate producer Phoenix Dawn, and champion wrestler Mistress Kara, demonstrating bonobo play, conflict resolution,"hoka hoka" and the "Trust Game," as well as Rhiannon Aarons in the role of Ms. Daniels using The Bonobo Way (and that telltale Forbes) to discipline her pet ferret/Trump. “Animal play is a great release from human stress and folly, and bonobo culture is especially timely in 2018,” Block continues. “Many fear women taking power, but bonobos show us that female empowerment and male well-being are not at odds in nature, and together, they create sustainable peace through pleasure. Unlike humans and all the other Great Apes, bonobos have never been seen killing each other in the wild or captivity. “How do they do this, and can we humans learn to make like bonobos (not baboons)? Can we release our ‘inner bonobos’ before it’s too late? At this especially tempestuous point in human history, it’s worth a try.” Times are also tempestuous for the highly endangered wild bonobos, now in critical danger of extinction, thanks to human degradation of their natural habitat in the Congolese Rainforest, especially bushmeat hunting. “Bonobo conservation is integral to the Bonobo Way,” asserts Block. “If we lose the bonobos, then we will lose a key to peace through pleasure that we can never find again.” Besides DomCon 2017, 2016 and 2015, Block has presented The Bonobo Way of Ecosexuality as the keynote speech at the University of Puerto Rico, Mayagüez, for the world’s first Ecosexuality Symposium at an academic institution, and at UC Berkeley for the 5th Conference on Monogamy & Nonmonogamy, as well as The Bonobo Way of Inclusivity at AASECT, the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors & Therapists. Recently, she spoke on writing The Bonobo Way at Yale University (her alma mater), and she presented The Bonobo Way of Great Sex at Adultcon LA. These presentations and others are made possible thanks, in part, to Malcolm Jones and the Bonobo Way Female Empowerment Outreach Project. FemDoms of the Wild: The Bonobo Way is scheduled for High Noon on Saturday, May 12, 2018. Get tickets here. Throughout DomCon, Dr. Block will wear latex outfits designed by Demask Latex, The Latex Store and BlackLikorish Latex. For a taste of what’s to come, watch last year’s The Bonobo Way at DomCon LA. For information about Dr. Block’s appearances at DomCon 2018 or to arrange an interview, please call 626-461-5950. Contact: David Rossi Phone: 626.461.5950 Email: [email protected] www.thebonoboway.com WHAT PEOPLE SAY about THE BONOBO WAY “Impactful, often hilarious… wildly entertaining… The Bonobo Way just might hold the key to world peace.” —HUFFINGTON POST book review by Steve Karras “The Bonobo Way is sexy and fun… damn smart too.” —”TANGENTIALLY SPEAKING” Podcast with Sex at Dawn author Chris Ryan, Ph.D. “The Bonobo Way is a pleasure on all counts… and especially significant at this time.” —Dr. SerenaGaia Anderlini D’Onofrio, co-editor of Ecosexuality “The Bonobo Way is a refreshing must-read for our times.” —Dr. Patti Britton, American Association for Sexuality Educators, Counselors & Therapists (AASECT) Past President “Bravo Dr. Block for paving the way to a hopefully more bonobo future.” —Vanessa Woods, Duke University primatologist and author of Bonobo Handshake “Brilliant… A great book about human sexuality.” —Sherry Rehman, Sr. VP of Pakistan People’s Party & former Ambassador to the U.S. “Amazing! Dr. Susan Block is an ecosexual visionary.” —Annie Sprinkle, Ph.D., ecosexual artist and filmmaker “The Bonobo Way is marvelous! A happy book for a happy life in a happier world.” —Xaviera Hollander, author of The Happy Hooker “Awesome book… Excellently written and transformative.” —Dorion Sagan, science writer and author of Death & Sex “Dr. Susan Block has a new understanding of how to enhance our intimate relationships!” —Progressive News Network interview with Dr. Diana Wiley “Adventure, optimism, and love is what Dr. Susan Block is all about… Patients become fans, and fans become evangelists.” —CITIZEN LA Inside the Pleasure Compound with Dr. Susan Block “AMAZING… The Bonobo Way shines a light on humanity’s capacity for peace.” —Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, author of Wired to Create “I love every page of The Bonobo Way!” —Christian Bruyère, producer of Champions of the Wild The Bonobo Way is available in kindle and paperback on Amazon or direct from the publisher. A portion of all proceeds from book sales goes to Lola ya Bonobo and the Bonobo Conservation Initiative, as well as other organizations actively helping to protect and save the highly endangered wild bonobos from extinction. Tired of conventional sexuality experts? Dr. Block is available for comment or interview. Want to review The Bonobo Way? Contact us today. David Rossi Phone: 626.461.5950 Email: [email protected] Web: thebonoboway.com Social Media: bonoboville.com Watch the Video: http://j.mp/TBWyouTubeTrailer Read More |
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Dr. Susan Block to present The Bonobo Way of Great Sex at ADULTCON 2017
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This Saturday, September 23rd, Susan M. Block, Ph.D., a.k.a., “Dr. Suzy,” internationally renowned sexologist, best-selling author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and award-winning talk show host, perhaps best-known for her groundbreaking specials on HBO, will present “The Bonobo Way of Great Sex” at AdultCon LA 2017. “The Bonobo Way of Great Sex presents a new, sex-positive paradigm for humanity,” says Block, “touching on sexuality, pornography, war, peace, the balance of gender power, as well as building loving relationships and inclusive, “bonoboësque” communities.” Inspired by the real bonobos, “The Bonobo Way of Great Sex” will deliver mind-boggling science (not “alternative facts”) about our “Make Love Not War” Great Ape “kissing cousins,” who swing through the trees—and with each other, as well as invaluable tips to enhance your sex and love life, with humor, passion, compassion and life-changing wisdom. The old "killer ape" paradigm, based on common chimpanzees and baboons, has long been used to explain—and excuse—human violence, sexual repression, hyper-masculinity, misogyny, the rise of Donald Trump and America’s state of perpetual war. However, bonobo apes, who are at least as close to humans as common chimps, never kill each other. Instead, they utilize good, consensual sex (and lots of it), empathy, female empowerment and the sharing of resources to defuse violent tensions before they explode into murder and war, thereby cultivating an ecosystem of “peace through pleasure.” How do they do this, and can we humans learn to “make like bonobos” (not baboons) and live in erotic harmony with each other and the Earth? “At this especially turbulent point in human history,” says Dr. Block, “it’s worth our serious—and playful—consideration to give peace through pleasure a chance.” Times are also turbulent for the highly endangered wild bonobos, now in critical danger of extinction. “Bonobo conservation is integral to the Bonobo Way,” asserts Block. “If we lose the bonobos, then we will lose a key to female empowerment, peace through pleasure and great sex that we can never find again.” Block has presented Bonobo Way talks at various symposia, conventions and university settings, locally and abroad. At the University of Puerto Rico, Mayagüez, she delivered the keynote address to the world’s first Ecosexuality Symposium at an academic institution. At UC Berkeley, she presented “The Bonobo Way of Nonmonogamy” at the 5th Conference on Monogamy & Nonmonogamy. She gave a talk on the “The Bonobo Way of Inclusivity” at AASECT, the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors & Therapists. At DomCon LA 2016, she presented “The Bonobo Way of FemDom Power,” and she was invited back as a "Guest of Honor" to deliver “FemDoms of the Wild: The Bonobo Way of Female Empowerment” at DomCon 2017. Dr. Block has been a visiting lecturer in Human Sexuality departments at USC, UCLA & Caltech, as well as at her alma mater Yale University for Sex Week at Yale and other events. Always a fascinating speaker on multiple subjects, she has addressed a variety of groups from YPO (Young Presidents’ Organization) to LSO (Lifestyles Organization) on sex, love, pleasure, relationships, feminism, culture and the Bonobo Way. Dr. Block’s interviews with porn stars on HBO, cable TV and the Internet are legendary, so she looks forward to seeing the stars and meeting the fans at AdultCon. “The Bonobo Way of Great Sex” will explore the full range of erotic possibilities, including how to “release your inner bonobo,” topping it all off with an exciting book-spanking or two (as well as traditional book-signings) with the book that’s inspiring a revolution, The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure. Dr. Block also wrote the definitions of “erotic spanking,” “cuckolding” and “sexual fetishes,” among others, for the Wiley-Blackwell International Encyclopedia of Human Sexuality. AdultCon LA 2017 will be held September 22-24 at the LA Convention Center. Get tickets here. "The Bonobo Way of Great Sex" is scheduled for 4 PM on Saturday, September 23, 2017. For information about Dr. Susan Block’s appearance at AdultCon or to arrange an interview before or during the convention, please call 626-461-5950. The Guy to talk to: David Rossi Phone: 626.461.5950 Email: [email protected] Web: thebonoboway.com Watch the Video: http://j.mp/TBWyouTubeTrailer WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING about THE BONOBO WAY “Impactful, often hilarious… wildly entertaining… The Bonobo Way just might hold the key to world peace.” —HUFFINGTON POST book review by Steve Karras “The Bonobo Way is sexy and fun... damn smart too.” —"TANGENTIALLY SPEAKING" Podcast Interview with Sex at Dawn author Chris Ryan, Ph.D. “The Bonobo Way is a pleasure on all counts... and especially significant at this time.” —Dr. SerenaGaia Anderlini D’Onofrio, co-editor of Ecosexuality “The Bonobo Way is a refreshing must-read for our times.” —Dr. Patti Britton, American Association for Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) Past President “Bravo Dr. Block for paving the way to a hopefully more bonobo future.” —Vanessa Woods, Duke University primatologist and author of Bonobo Handshake “Brilliant… A great book about human sexuality.” —Sherry Rehman, Sr. VP of Pakistan People’s Party & former Ambassador to the U.S. “Amazing! Dr. Susan Block is an ecosexual visionary.” —Annie Sprinkle, Ph.D., ecosexual artist and filmmaker “The Bonobo Way is marvelous! A happy book for a happy life in a happier world.” —Xaviera Hollander, author of The Happy Hooker “Awesome book... Excellently written and transformative.” —Dorion Sagan, science writer and author of Death & Sex “Dr. Susan Block has a new understanding of how to enhance our intimate relationships!” —Progressive News Network interview with Dr. Diana Wiley “Adventure, optimism, and love is what Dr. Susan Block is all about… Patients become fans, and fans become evangelists.” —CITIZEN LA Inside the Pleasure Compound with Dr. Susan Block “AMAZING… The Bonobo Way shines a light on humanity’s capacity for peace.” —Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, author of Wired to Create “I love every page of The Bonobo Way!” —Christian Bruyère, producer of Champions of the Wild The Bonobo Way is available in kindle and paperback on Amazon or direct from the publisher. A portion of all proceeds from book sales goes to Lola ya Bonobo and the Bonobo Conservation Initiative, as well as other organizations that are actively helping to protect and save the highly endangered wild bonobos from extinction. Tired of conventional sexuality experts? Dr. Block is available for comment or interview. Would you like to review The Bonobo Way? Contact us today. David Rossi Phone: 626.461.5950 Email: [email protected] Web:thebonoboway.com Watch the Video: http://j.mp/TBWyouTubeTrailer Read More |
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Dr. Susan Block’s Bonobo Way BOUND for DOMCON LA 2016
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Los Angeles, California: May 11, 2016 — Susan M. Block, Ph.D., a.k.a., “Dr. Suzy,” internationally renowned sexologist and best-selling author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure (Gardner & Daughters Publishers), will present “The Bonobo Way: A New FemDom Paradigm for Humanity” at DOMCON LA 2016. “I look forward to bringing the ‘good news’ about the primal female empowerment of the Bonobo Way to the fabulous FemDoms of DomCon and others attending this exciting, educational convention founded by veteran BDSM powerhouse Mistress Cyan,” says Dr. Block. Inspired by the real bonobo apes, Block will present the Bonobo Way as a new paradigm for humanity in terms of sex, war, peace, community and the balance of gender power. “For decades, male apologists and arms dealers have used the patriarchal "killer ape" model to explain and excuse male-dominated abuse, murder and war,” says Block. “Now we’re just discovering our kissing cousins, the bonobos, who are at least as close to humans as common chimpanzees are. Yet bonobos have never been seen killing each other. Instead, they utilize female empowerment, sexual play, the sharing of resources and an intriguing kind of ‘Bonobo BDSM’ to make peace through pleasure, diffusing violent tensions before they descend into murder, war or the chimp equivalent of a Trump rally. How do bonobos do this, and can we humans learn to ‘make like bonobos (not baboons)’ and truly empower our females? Can we live in FemDom harmony with each other and the Earth? At this especially turbulent point in human history, it’s worth a try.” It’s also more than “worth a try” to save the highly endangered wild bonobo from extinction. “Bonobo conservation is integral to the Bonobo Way,” says Block. “If we lose the bonobos, then we lose a key to female empowerment that we can never find again.” In the past few weeks, Block has given talks on various aspects of The Bonobo Way at the University of Puerto Rico, Mayagüez, delivering the keynote to the world’s first Ecosexuality Symposium at an academic institution, and at UC Berkeley for the 5th Conference on Monogamy & Nonmonogamy. On June 11, she will present The Bonobo Way at AASECT (The American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors & Therapists) 48th Annual Conference. Dr. Block’s DomCon presentation will focus on “Bonobo Female Empowerment” and “Bonobo BDSM,” and will also include live “book-spankings,” as well as the usual book-signings. Block wrote the definitions of “erotic spanking,” “sexual fetishes” and “cuckolding,” among others, for the Wiley-Blackwell Encyclopedia of Human Sexuality, and her Bonobo Way Book-Spankings are renowned. DomCon LA 2016 will be held May 18-22 at the LAX Airport Hilton. Get tickets here. The Bonobo Way: A New FemDom Paradigm for Humanity is scheduled for 4:30 pm on May 21, 2016. Attending the Red-Carpet Opening Ceremonies and Fetish Ball, as well as her own presentation, Dr. Block will be wearing original latex designer dresses by Abigail Greydanus of Abigail Greydanus Latex Fashions and Reneé Masoomian of BabyLove’s Latex For information about the Bonobo Way at DomCon LA 2016 or to arrange an interview with Dr. Susan Block, please call 626-461-5950. WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING about THE BONOBO WAY “Impactful, often hilarious… wildly entertaining… The Bonobo Way just might hold the key to world peace.” —HUFFINGTON POST book review by Steve Karras “The Bonobo Way is sexy and fun... damn smart too.” —Sex at Dawn author Christopher Ryan, Ph.D. “The Bonobo Way is a pleasure on all counts... and especially significant at this time.” —Dr. SerenaGaia Anderlini D’Onofrio, co-editor of Ecosexuality “The Bonobo Way is a refreshing must-read for our times.” —Dr. Patti Britton, American Association for Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) Past President “Bravo Dr. Block for paving the way to a hopefully more bonobo future.” —Vanessa Woods, Duke University primatologist and author of Bonobo Handshake “Brilliant… A great book about human sexuality.” —Sherry Rehman, Sr. VP of Pakistan People’s Party & former Ambassador to the U.S. “Amazing! Dr. Susan Block is an ecosexual visionary.” —Annie Sprinkle, Ph.D., ecosexual artist and filmmaker “The Bonobo Way is marvelous! A happy book for a happy life in a happier world.” —Xaviera Hollander, author of The Happy Hooker “Awesome book... Excellently written and transformative” —Dorion Sagan, science writer and author of Death & Sex “Dr. Susan Block has a new understanding of how to enhance our intimate relationships!” —Progressive News Network interview with Dr. Diana Wiley “Adventure, optimism, and love is what Dr. Susan Block is all about… Patients become fans, and fans become evangelists.” —CITIZEN LA Inside the Pleasure Compound with Dr. Susan Block “AMAZING… The Bonobo Way shines a light on humanity’s capacity for peace.” —Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, author of Wired to Create "The Bonobo Way will save our planet! Dr. Susan's insight into sexuality is not only incredible...it is also the sexual revolution, easily mapped out, that we have been waiting for." —Tracy Vanity, blogger “I love every page of The Bonobo Way!” —Christian Bruyère, producer of Champions of the Wild The Bonobo Way is available in kindle and paperback on Amazon or direct from the publisher. A portion of all proceeds from book sales goes to Lola ya Bonobo and the Bonobo Conservation Initiative, as well as other organizations actively helping to protect and save the highly endangered wild bonobos from extinction. Tired of conventional sexuality experts? Dr. Block is available for comment or interview. Would you like to review The Bonobo Way? Contact us today. Contact: David Rossi Phone: 626.461.5950 Email: [email protected] Web: thebonoboway.com Watch the Video: http://j.mp/TBWyouTubeTrailer Read More |
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Winning Luzers + Belle Tuesday this Saturday 7/11 on DrSuzy.Tv
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This Saturday night, July 11th, The Dr. Susan Block Show will cross borders of all kinds. Joining international sexologist and Bonobo Way author Dr. Susan Block live in-studio in Bonoboville, L.A. will be the The Luzers, musical brainchild of legendary Norwegian musician Hans Petter Gundersen, and former Hasidic Jewish singer and Best-Actor award-winner Luzer Twersky (featured in a recurring role in the upcoming season of the Netflix hit show Transparent and recurring guest on The Dr. Susan Block Show), plus Maesa Pullman (back-up vocals) and Jason Hiller. Rounding out the guest roster will be adult entertainers Helles Belle and Syrus, plus actress/comedienne Tuesday Thomas, as well as show producer Biz Bonobo and Institute therapist Chelsea Demoiselle. "Winning Luzers + Belle Tuesday" on The Dr. Susan Block Show will broadcast LIVE from Bonoboville Saturday night, July 11th, 2015, 10:30pm-Midnight PST on DrSuzy.Tv. It can also be viewed live in Bonoboville.com. Click Here to RSVP to attend this show in the “Speakeasy” studio audience or call 626.461.5950. Studio doors open at 9:30 pm. Studio Members FREE. Membership Has Its Pleasures. Call-In During the Live Broadcast: 1.866.289.7068. Tweet comments and questions @RadioSUZY1and @DrSuzy. Listen Free or Watch the live show at DrSusanBlock.Tv . Chat live in the Bonoboville.com Studio. This week’s live broadcast sponsored by Agwa Cocoa Leaf Liqueur, Ron de Jeremy Rum, Dirty Tequila, Condomania and JuxLeather Breaking: "Now that Bill Cosby has copped to drugging women before sex," says Dr. Susan Block, "it's time to talk about Sleeping Beauty Sydrome." Got a sleep fetish? Not sure how to handle it? Get help before you get in trouble! Call the therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute at 213-291-9497.Want to "define our terms"? Dr. Suzy wrote the definitive definitions of Striptease, Phone Sex, Fetish, Cuckolding, and Spanking for the new Wiley-Blackwell International Encyclopedia of Human Sexuality The Dr. Susan Block Show is produced by The Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences, an international center for sexual expression, therapy and education, based in LA, founded in 1991 by Susan M. Block, PhD, world-renowned Yale-educated sexologist, best-selling author and host of HBO specials. The Institute’s mission is to help individuals, couples and communities enhance their sexuality and improve their lives based upon Dr. Block’s philosophy of Ethical Hedonism and The Bonobo Way of Peace through Pleasure. A portion of all proceeds goes to help save the highly endangered “make love not war” bonobos from extinction in the Congo and to promote the Bonobo Way around the world. It's the Bonobo Summer of Love! Make 2015 your Year of the Bonobo and get your copy of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure.Read More |
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Voyeurism Sex Therapy
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Call [callus] "All the world's a stage" (Shakespeare's As You Like It), on which some of us love to play, and some of us prefer to watch. The players tend to get the glory, but without an audience there's not much of a show. Let's face it: lots of us like to watch. We're not talking Shakespeare here, though that can be erotic as well... we're talking about sex. We're talking about the thrill of watching another's most intimate activities, getting turned on by seeing someone else get turned on. Would you say this is you? If so, you might be a voyeur. Everyone's a little bit of one, at least. We can all get turned on by the sight of something or someone really sexy. But some of us are more voyeuristic than others. Some of us like to cultivate our voyeuristic tendencies like wine connoisseurs cultivate their palettes, tasting different vintages. Perhaps you like to look through the silver screen into erotic worlds you’ve never seen. Maybe it's a film or a digital stream on your computer or phone. Porn, after all, is the most common kind of erotic voyeurism going on in the modern world. And despite its popular explosion in the early 21st Century, visual erotica has been with us since humanity first started cave painting. Then again, maybe you like to see it live, perhaps in a strip club, or fantasize about the quintessential live sex performance, with you sitting back like a sultan with your harem of exhibitionistic sex performance artists titillating your fancy in every way imaginable to delight your eyes and ears. Then again, maybe your favorite type of voyeurism is a bit more secretive. Do you like to sneak a peak through a keyhole, a hole in a shower wall or up through the floorboards of an old porch, like a child discovering something naughty? Do you like to look through your neighbor’s window, catching them in an intimate moment: a couple arguing and then making passionate love, a he-man flexing his naked muscles in his home gym, a beautiful woman undressing alone in her bathroom, stepping into the Jacuzzi, spreading her legs and masturbating to an aquatic orgasm on one of the ferociously whirling jets? Or do you like to combine exhibitionism and voyeurism, and just watch yourself in the mirror? What does it mean to be seen? To be seen is to be a star. A sex symbol--immortal, if only for a moment. So what about seeing? To see is to glimpse a special secret, to go behind the curtain, to gain knowledge. Knowledge is power, and sexual knowledge is sexual power. No wonder you feel so excited and even powerful when you see someone or something special in a sexual way. No wonder we all can appreciate the erotic pleasures of voyeurism. The passive delights of voyeurism are especially popular among the rich and powerful. Pope Alexander IX was one of history's most decadent voyeurs. That’s right, a Catholic pope was openly enjoying banquets such as what follows, as described by his master of ceremonies Burchard, Bishop of Ostia: "Fifty reputable courtesans supped at the Vatican...and after supper they danced about with the servants and others in that place, first in their clothes and then nude...candelabras and lighted candles were set on the floor and chestnuts were strewn about and the naked courtesans on hands and feet gathered them up, wriggling in and out among the candelabras...Then all those present in the hall were carnally treated in public... The pope gave prizes to the men who copulated the most times with the courtesans.” Pope Alexander IX of the notorious Borgia family ruled the Catholic faithful from 1492 until his death in 1503 and was known for his libertine pleasures as well as for his relatively benign treatment of Jews, slaves and others. Possibly all that voyeuristic entertainment helped to make him more “Catholic,” at least in the liberal, compassionate sense of the word. Other famous voyeurs from the annals of history include Lord Byron, Casanova, Charlie Chaplin, King Farouk, Errol Flynn, Maxim Gorki, Victor Hugo, Martin Luther and the notorious Marquis de Sade. Some call voyeurs “Peeping Toms,” stemming from the medieval story of Lady Godiva—obviously an aristocratic exhibitionist—who rode through town naked to protest her husband Lord Godiva's unfair taxing of the townspeople (a bleeding heart liberal show-off if ever there was one). All the townspeople were supposed to close their shutters and not look upon the naked Lady on her horse. But one naughty, rather horny young man named Tom couldn't resist taking a peep (can you blame him?), so that's where we get the term “Peeping Tom.” Though the word “voyeur” comes from the French, voir, “to see”, let's not forget it really encompasses more than just the eyes. Sound is a big part of the pleasure of sensual observation. Ever find yourself overhearing the muffled moans of a housemate or neighbor banging away across the hall? Maybe you put your ear up to the door for more? Perhaps you've passed by an open window and had to stop yourself, listening to the excited breathing, a headboard hitting the wall, heightened voices... coming from just beyond. Did it turn you on? How could it not? Feelings are contagious, after all, and sound transports feelings, especially if the sound is someone sighing or crying out in ecstasy. Speaking of feelings, do you need to talk about your voyeuristic desires, experiences or fantasies? Are your voyeuristic feelings getting you into trouble—or on the verge of trouble? Are you watching “too much” porn—maybe to the point that you feel (or someone you love feels) you are “addicted”? Are you spending so much time watching that you have no time or energy to actually do anything with your sex life? Would you sometimes rather just watch porn than have sex with your lover, even if she’s right in your bed waiting for you? Are you looking at stuff that’s illegal? Are you spying on someone without their consent? Do you find yourself going to strip clubs instead of doing the hard work of playing the dating game? Are you spending all your money on erotic entertainers who dominate you, turning you into a helpless “money slave” to their demands? Are they humiliating you, cuckolding you and taking advantage of your voyeuristic needs? Has your voyeurism morphed into cheating? Are you doing things that make you feel ashamed and guilty afterwards? Are your natural voyeuristic desires spiraling out of control? If the answer is yes to any of these questions, you would greatly benefit by talking with someone who understands your desires and can help you regain control and keep them from ruining your life—without being forced to “abstain” or give up the natural, positive pleasures of voyeurism. This is a specialty of ours here at the Dr. Susan Block Institute. Many “regular” sex therapists aren’t comfortable addressing these topics, or perhaps you don’t feel comfortable talking to a regular therapist about your most personal feelings. Whatever your concerns, rest assured, you can talk to us. World-renowned sexologist Dr. Susan Block, a Yale graduate with two doctorates, and the therapists of the Institute, are all excellent in their various fields, utilizing telephone sex therapy to listen, talk to you and help you deal with all your voyeuristic pleasures, problems, questions and desires. You can talk to us about anything, and usually we can help, as we have helped people all over the world for over two decades. And yes, you can masturbate, if you like, during sessions. And, no, there is no other sex therapy or phone sex service quite like ours. Our form of sex therapy is unique in that we can discuss and help you with your real-life situations, and/or we can enter the Erotic Theater of the Mind (your mind or ours or a combination) and roleplay your voyeuristic fantasies—even the forbidden kind that would get you into serious trouble if you acted them out in real life. In fact, one of our specialties is "the forbidden," the stuff you can’t talk about to anyone else. After all, pretty much everything is safe on the phone—where you can close your eyes and fantasize the wildest scenes possible through the hidden camera of your imagination. Moreover, rest assured that your secrets are safe with us. Therapy with the Institute is completely private, discreet and confidential. Of course, we can’t tell you their names, but we count many celebrities and world leaders among our clients, so we understand the importance of strict confidentiality. We have been around and we intend to stay around, and we value your privacy as we value our reputation. Voyeuristic phone sex therapy is fun, satisfying, edifying, defuses desires (so you’re less likely to get into trouble) and often leads to great insights into your sexuality and other aspects of your deeper self. We’ve found the phone—private, intimate and essentially non-visual—to be an excellent vehicle for this kind of erotic insight. Then again, voyeurism is primarily a visual interest, and you can also enjoy a very personal voyeuristic experience tailored to your desires with one of our webcam sex therapists. Whatever your voyeuristic pleasure or problem, we’re here for you, 24/7, every day and night, including holidays, whether you need to talk…or just watch. Give us a call anytime at [callus]. Read More |
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Phallus Fetish – Phone Sex Therapy
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Do penises turn you on? (It's okay, you can admit it... to us.) Do you find yourself thinking about, visualizing, or fantasizing about them (or one in particular), either a lot, or just a little? Maybe you spend time seeking out the male member in online or other forms of pornography. Maybe you're considering having a physical, sexual encounter with one in real life (and we don't mean just your own). Maybe you already have. Maybe it was recently, maybe it was from long ago... perhaps in your childhood, be it friendly or sensual, and now you're thinking about it again. Maybe you’re considering looking but not touching…or maybe more. Attraction by a male to the penis of another male is quite common, and comes in an amazing number of variations. It could be just in the context of women; perhaps the idea of a threesome with a hot girl and another guy turns you on. You may have a cuckolding fantasy or a desire to be humiliated. Maybe you like to watch women, but find lesbian porn a little boring. You’d rather see the woman having sex with a guy… yep, there’s that penis. That doesn’t make you weird or gay or even necessarily bi. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay or bi, but lots of straight men are turned on by looking at cocks. One reason that straight male/female porn is the most popular form for straight guys to watch is that most straight guys enjoy watching a hot woman having sex with a well-hung dude. And the dude himself usually isn’t all that important. It’s the penis. You might be more turned on when this penis is very large and super hard, attached to a strong, muscular, dominant “real man” who knows how to use it. Then again, maybe you like a penis attached to someone that looks and acts like a female, aka a trans or gender-fluid person... with a penis. Maybe you want to worship what you imagine to be a “superior” penis, or let both your cocks and balls compete in a “sperm war.” Maybe you enjoy being penetrated by a finger or pegged by a strap-on dildo, but feel a penis can do more for you. Maybe your desire for the penis is oral. Maybe sex isn't even a part of it... perhaps you are simply fascinated by another man's member, for reasons which aren't just about lust. Think about all the phallic objects in the world—from cannons to columns, skyscrapers to obelisks—most of it manmade, and you might realize how many other guys through history have had a bit of a penis fetish. Either way, in today's world, even with increasing tolerance for homosexuality, bisexuality, and a healthy sexual curiosity, the same sex attraction to a penis is still stigmatized by a cultural subtext that labels it “deviant.” Even labeling things as simplistically as “gay” or “straight” can actually serve to diminish our understanding, not to mention our pleasure. The truth may be that human sexuality is nuanced, varied, and runs a wide gamut, taking on an infinite variety of forms. But “truth” and “reality” don't always coincide. So you may find it challenging—to say the least--to work out your feelings or desires, realized or not, when it comes to your interest in penises. Think about how many guys engaged in games that involved comparing members as little kids. Many go further... touching, playing and performing with them…after all, with a healthy curiosity comes a curiosity about sex, and our bodies. For some, the curiosity was just that. For others, it led to deeper, more long lasting feelings and desires. Now, after some time, maybe you still feel the need to satisfy some unfulfilled urge. Perhaps you want to know how to do this in your life, or maybe you want to gain control over those desires or just work out very confused feelings. Over all, you just might need to talk with someone who understands and can help you sort out your feelings. Simply trying to repress these feelings can lead to your brain frying, as evidenced by all the closet “homosexuals” recently emerging in the harsh glare of the media from, say, the Republican Party, or the priesthood of the Catholic Church. All the inordinate time spent hypocritically railing against and oppressing feelings that are quite normal can lead to those unexpressed needs and wants festering and mutating until they cause real damage and pain... hence all the scandals that plague many of our most venerated institutions. Whatever desires you have, if you want to simply learn more about them and what they mean, or if you are concerned that they are “deviant” (they're not) or that you are “gay” or “bi,” you should know that nothing is wrong, and that we are here to help you cope with your feelings and your situation, your fantasies and your reality. If you just want to explore the aural pleasures of a penis-oriented, sexpert-guided masturbation or erotic hypnosis session, that’s also available to you. Many of our male and female therapists have penis fetishes themselves, and have been through many growth experiences learning about this endlessly fascinating subject. Speaking of fascinating, the Latin root of that word is fascinum, a penis-shaped amulet that ancient Roman men and women wore on necklaces for good luck. But back to you. Do you need to talk about this? Whether you’re looking for serious therapy or a hot phone sex experience, you can talk to us. In our work, we've talked to thousands of people of all kinds in different situations from many different places and cultures around the world—all strictly confidential. We wouldn’t say we’ve “heard it all,” but we’ve heard a LOT. We don’t judge you. We help you. If you don't feel “normal”, if you need advice, or just want to express yourself, you can call us anytime. Don’t be embarrassed. You'd be amazed at the number of seemingly “mainstream” people who have hidden desires like this under the surface. Even if you’ve never really talked about this before, you’ll be amazed at how easy it is to talk with us, and how good you’ll feel when you do. Call the Dr. Susan Block Institute at [callus]. We're open 24/7, and we’re here for you. Read More |
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Sex Pot Saturday Night
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"Cannabis is one of the few genuine natural aphrodisiacs known to humankind,” observes Dr. Block. This Saturday night’s live broadcast of The Dr. Susan Block Show will investigate the aphrodisiac effects of marijuana and the history and politics of iconic magazine High Times.Joining international sexologist Dr. Susan Block in her Womb Room broadcast studio will be Miss Intergallactic High Times Sarah Newton, medical marijuana card-carrying Penthouse Pet and porn star Melissa Jacobs, with High Times associate publisher and senior cultivation editor Rick Cusick by phone. Also in studio will be Suicide Girl turned porn star Melina Mason and free-spirited, bisexual cuckolding connoisseur, webcam girl and “seeker of love” Kira Lansing. Sex Pot Saturday Night will air live November 19th, 2011, 10:30pm-Midnight PST on The Dr. Susan Block Show. Listen FREE at tinyurl.com/RadioSUZY1 Call-In Free: 1.866.289.7068. To join our exclusive live in-studio audience and the erotic after-party at Dr. Suzy’s world-famous Speakeasy in the Soul of Downtown LA, call or go to tinyurl.com/DrSuzyRSVP. Watch the LIVE BROADCAST and View All the Pix, Clips and Past Shows at tinyurl.com/DrSuzyTV. Proceeds from donations go to help save the highly endangered “make love not war” bonobo chimpanzees from extinction in the Congo and to promote the Bonobo Way of peace through pleasure around the world. Dr. Block and her guests will enjoy Doc Johnson Pocket Rockets (Drop Pocket Rockets, Not Patriot Missiles!), more sex toys from ScreamingO and Kinkie Eddie, Condomania condoms, sounds mixed by DJ ClimaXXX, plus a fine art exhibit featuring sculpture by Jacque Langston and the classical erotic paintings of Scott Siedman. The Dr. Susan Block Show beverage of choice is Agwa di Bolivia Coca Leaf Liqueur, one of many fine libations featured at the always popular Speakeasy Open Bar and Aphrodisiac Buffet. The Dr. Susan Block Show is produced by The Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences, an international center for sexual expression, therapy and education based in LA. Founded in 1991 by Susan M. Block, PhD, world-renowned Yale-educated sexologist, best-selling author and host of HBO specials, the Institute’s mission is to help individuals, couples and communities enhance their sexuality and improve their lives based upon Dr. Block’s philosophy of Ethical Hedonism and the Bonobo Way of Peace through Pleasure. Read More |
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Cheating Phone Sex Therapy
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Call Us Now [callus] Are you thinking about cheating? Are you currently engaged in a secret sexual affair? Or maybe you’re just curious, seriously considering having extra-marital sex, but it hasn’t happened… yet. Then again, perhaps you’d never actually do it, but you can’t help fantasizing about it. Or is it the other way around: Do you think your spouse is cheating on you? How do you feel about it? Devastated? Jealous? Enraged? Excited? Aroused? Confused? Need to talk about your feelings? Need help figuring out what to do, if anything? The telephone sex therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute understand the thrill and the guilt, the dread and desire, the fantastic excitement and real life repercussions of infidelity, adultery, betrayal, duplicity, cuckoldry and cheating. Let us give you the kind of help you need right now. We’re open 24/7. Call us now or anytime you need to talk: Need more information before you call? Keep reading to learn the different ways that “Cheating Phone Sex Therapy” with the Block Institute can help you. Are you currently cheating? Are you now having an affair now and need to talk to someone about it? Are you sexually involved with a friend, co-worker or someone you met online, unbeknownst to your spouse? Perhaps you’re secretly seeing a “professional,” such as an escort, mistress, masseuse or dominatrix. Are you committed to keeping your marriage (or other serious relationship) going, but driven by this insatiable urge to “cheat”? Is it the irresistible chemistry of your lover? Is it because your spouse will not have sex with you, or at least not in the way you want to have sex? Or is it the taboo thrill of adultery itself that sexually excites you in ways your marriage alone never does? Regardless of your reason for cheating, the burden of leading a double life is bound to cause you anxiety. Do you need to talk about it? We at the Block Institute are not here to judge you. We’re here to help. That might mean helping you to better understand and cope with your desire to cheat, whether it’s due to fixable problems with your spouse, your own natural promiscuity or something else. If you want to stop, we can help you to stop cheating. If you don’t, we can help you negotiate your secret life with your more public life. Then again, maybe you just need an understanding, open-minded ear to listen to your story with compassion and empathy. Whatever you need to talk about, we’re here for you. Call us at [callus] Do you think your spouse is cheating on you? Are you suspicious that your spouse is having an affair? Are you wondering if the rumors of infidelity are true? Need help trying to determine if your suspicions are valid? Are you unsure of the next step to take and want a plan of action? Your sense of betrayal, hurt, rage, excitement and confusion can be so overwhelming that it feels impossible to think, let alone act rationally. Experiencing a wide range of feelings--from fear to envy, anger to arousal, sadness to relief, aggression to depression, rage to lust--is entirely natural. If you need help dealing with these conflicted feelings, or figuring out what’s really going on and/or deciding what to do about your suspected cheating spouse, the telephone sex therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute are here to help. Call us at [callus] Are you considering having an affair? Are you seriously thinking about looking outside your marriage for something you feel is missing: the thrill of sex with someone new? Are you desperately yearning for the kind of sex you can’t have with your spouse? Do you troll Ashley Madison, escorting websites or your Facebook friend list, on the verge of getting into an extramarital affair? Do you need to weigh the pros and cons of cheating with an experienced expert who won’t judge you, but will help you make some important decisions about your sex life? Of course, society frowns upon cheating—and for many good reasons. But sometimes having an affair is the “right” thing to do for various reasons, one of which might be that your sinking sex life is in serious need of a lifeboat. Sometimes, oddly enough, it can even save your marriage. Then again, maybe you’re open to the idea of re-igniting the spark in your marriage. Dr. Block is an expert at “making marriage feel like an affair.” Whatever your personal concerns and desires are, if you are considering having an affair—or not—we can help. Call us anytime you need to talk at [callus] Do you fantasize about cheating? Do you dream of having an affair, but want to steer clear of cheating in real life? Does the fantasy of hot-blooded adultery turn you on, even though you’re pretty sure the reality of doing it would turn your stomach, not to mention destroy your marriage? Do you think about having hot sex with people other than your spouse when you make love or masturbate? Fantasizing is not actually cheating, of course, but it can feel almost as exciting as cheating--and it’s a whole lot safer. Have you ever used phone sex to role-play adulterous fantasies? Would you like to try? Phone sex fantasy roleplay is an effective, exciting, discreet way to enjoy many of the erotic thrills of an affair without actually “having” one. Phone sex is a relatively prudent expression of what Nathaniel Hawthorne called "lawless passion." If you're going to have an affair, it’s better (and safer) to do it on the phone than in the flesh. At least, you won't get an STD. And at best, you'll get inspiration and ideas to improve your love life with your spouse without entangling your body, not to mention your body fluids, with somebody else's. In any case, you won't get lipstick on your zipper, or semen on your dress. The relative safety of phone sex often involves deeper, more complex feelings than concern over STDs. The phone is a stage upon which you can act out your wildest fantasies, a telephonic erotic “Theatre of the Mind” that allows you to safely explore dangerous, taboo desires. Whatever the nature of your adulterous fantasy, we’re here to help you to express it, enjoy, contain and deal with it in as positive a way as possible with the least danger to your marriage, work, family or any aspect of your “real life.” Is phone sex cheating? Not inherently. Though if you keep your phone sex a secret from your partner, you feel like you're cheating, and if you feel like you're cheating, you probably are. But if you feel compelled to embark upon an affair, and you want to keep things as safe as possible, better to share your lawless passion chaperoned by your telephone. For phone sex fantasy roleplay, call us anytime at [callus] Do you fantasize about your wife—or future wife—cheating on you? It goes against conventional wisdom that a married man--or even a divorced or single man—would be excited by the fantasy of his wife—or future wife, girlfriend or ex--cheating by “cuckolding” him. But this type of cuckold fantasy is a lot more common than you might realize, and it is one of the areas in which the telephone sex therapists of the Block Institute specialize. So if you find yourself aroused by cuckold fantasies like this, rest assured you’re not alone. Besides being about your wife having an affair with another man, this type of cuckold fantasy can be loving or wild, sensuous or kinky, or a combination. It may involve domination, voyeurism, bisexuality, humiliation, interracial sex, feminization, penis size fetishes, striptease, bondage, teasing, oral, anal and many other types of sex that certainly do “spice up” that sacred marital bond—even if you never do any of it in real life. For more information about your cuckolding or hotwifing desires, see Dr. Block's article on “sperm wars.” Whether or not you act on these desires, it’s always a good idea to talk about them to someone knowledgeable. Dr. Block can help you to understand your feelings in order to determine what you might want to "act out," and what is better kept in the realm of fantasy. Sometimes you just want to leave reality for the moment and enter the magical erotic world of fantasy roleplay, and you can do that with Dr. Block or one of our cuckold phone sex therapists. And yes, of course, you can masturbate (if you want), during sessions. And no, there is no other phone sex or sex therapy service quite like ours. Call us anytime at [callus]. Read More |
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Group Phone Sex Therapy
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Call Us Now: [callus] by Dr. Susan Block. Have you been thinking about group sex? Do you dream of casting all rigid social boundaries aside and indulging in the orgiastic hedonism of a threesome, multiple partners, a swing party, a pansexual celebration, a polyamorous arrangement or a full-on orgy? Perhaps you already enjoy the pleasures of sex with more than one partner at one time, but you need to talk about your experiences with someone open-minded, knowledgeable and discreet. Maybe you’re considering group sex or the swinging “lifestyle,” and you need to sort out the pros and cons. Then again, you might believe that multiple partners, free love and orgies are best left in the realm of the imagination, but you’d love to share the fantasy with someone who understands, or maybe even more than one someone at one time; after all, we are talking about group phone sex therapy. Do you want to make your group sex fantasies come true, at least partially? Do you need to talk about orgies, swinging, "designer relationships," open marriage, polyamory, communal ecstasy? Want to know the ins and outs of threesomes, foursomes, and more-somes? Need advice on how to bring these exciting but touchy subjects up to your spouse? Would you like to experience group phone sex therapy? Call the Block Institute at [callus]. Several of our telephone sex therapists are experts in group sex, polyamory, swinging and our world-renowned philosophy of ethical hedonism. Group sex might sound very kinky for some, but it fulfills a very natural, human need to share erotic, orgasmic, loving experiences with multiple people, friends, loved ones and attractive strangers. In a world that increasingly demands compartmentalization and isolation, there are few arenas left in which humans can share in this vital, life-affirming experience of communal ecstasy. Most of us are expected to meet all our sexual and erotic needs within one relationship, usually a marriage, that is supposed to last our entire adult lives. Our sexual experiences are expected to be always private, “just the two of us,” usually in a locked bedroom, often in the dark. There’s nothing wrong with that; in fact, private couple sex with someone you love is probably the most intimate, meaningful kind of sex there is. But there is something very special and truly wonderful about the “collective joy” (with apologies to Barbara Ehrenreich) of group sex that partner sex simply cannot duplicate. Many anthropologists agree that prehistoric humans often engaged in various forms of group sex--just as our closest genetic cousins, the bonobos, do--for tens of thousands of years before the advent of farming and “civilization” started pressuring people, especially women, to be sexually monogamous. Just because human society changed and started trying to squeeze the square peg of our true polyamorous, orgiastic sexual nature into the round hole of traditional marriage and monogamy doesn’t mean human beings changed. We are still inherently nonmonogamous, or even what Sex at Dawn authors Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethas, as well as sexpert Dan Savage, call “promiscuous.” Some of us can “control” our desires for multiple partners and group sex experience better than others. Of course, despite society’s sanctions against it, some people have always found ways to enjoy various forms of group sex. The famously decadent orgies of ancient Rome come to mind. In the 18th century, during the period known as The Enlightenment, European intellectuals commonly took pleasure in the delights of partner-swapping—including the proudly promiscuous and ingenious Mary Shelley, author of the classic Frankenstein. Of course, “cheating” has always been a popular option for those who can manage double lives, though often at great risk to the cheaters’ marriages and even their lives. Swinging rose in popularity in the U.S. during World War II with the “Key Club” parties where married men would leave their house keys in a basket so that other men at the party could enter their homes and have sex with their wives. As a result of the sexual revolution of the 1960s and 70s, and an increasing openness to nontraditional forms of sexual expression, swinging and other forms of group sex have become increasingly common in America and around the world. Yet a cultural distrust of group sex still exists, and in many areas of society--especially those that are religious, conservative or very “politically correct”--this distrust and disapproval of any kind of erotic expression that goes beyond the married couple has risen and intensified. Many normal, sexual people who have a basic human yearning for communal ecstasy are afraid to indulge in it, and even too ashamed to talk about it with their partners. The repression of these natural desires can put the individual—and the marriage itself--under tremendous toxic stress. What you do is up to you, of course. But it always helps to talk about your feelings with someone who understands, someone you can trust with your secrets and desires. The Block Institute offers conventional sex therapy as well as the opportunity to roleplay a group sex fantasy you may have over the phone through simulated swinging, guided masturbation or erotic hypnosis. Your group sex fantasy may involve orgies, threesomes, fetish play, bisexual activity, cuckolding, domination and submission,breaking taboos,or any number of other forms of erotic adventure. You can even speak to multiple therapists at one time for group phone sex therapy. As always, your telephone sex therapy call is completely private and confidential. For more information or to arrange to talk to a therapist right now, call us anytime 24/7 at [callus]. Read More |
Sperm Wars
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Cuckolds, Hot Wives, Threesomes & Evolutionary Biology[video mp4="https://drsusanblock.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/13/20150401_Sperm_Wars_edit_1.mp4" poster="https://drsusanblockinstitute.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/spermwars_SHERO_2_JPG-scaled.jpg"][/video] Need to Talk about Sperm Wars or Cuckolding? Call The Dr. Susan Block Institute Anytime at 626-461-5950.Most men are excited by the idea of their women being with other men. Yes, most. They may or may not actually like it. But many an otherwise sensible gentleman finds himself aroused upon seeing his hot wife, girlfriend or significant other flirt with a stranger, or perhaps a friend. He may be jealous, hurt, angry, even enraged. Still, he often can’t help but want to make love to "his" woman as soon as they get home, his erection stronger than usual, and his ejaculation more powerful. It's as if he is pumped up to win some sort of sexual competition with another male for the prize of this valuable female, his wife. A more adventurous gentleman might even encourage his lady to have sex with the other man, "cheat" on him with lovers, dress in "slutty" clothing when they go out in the presence of other men, or at least talk about the fantasyof being with another man, perhaps while she is pleasuring her with a large dildo, which *represents* the other man. Traditionally, this kind of husband (or boyfriend) is called a cuckold, an old English word that carries connotations of unwilling sexual submission and shame. Many cuckolds, willing or not, are sexual submissives in their relationships, helpless slaves to their women's desire for other men, or their own fetish for being cuckolded by their "slutty," often cheating wives, sometimes masturbating as they watch their hotwives get it on with "alpha" males, even sexually servicing their wives' well-endowed partners or being the subject of intense humiliation. But many other gentlemen who enjoy watching or imagining their female primemates* having sex with other men in threesomes, at swing parties, in porn or with dildos, don't feel humiliated at all. They do, however, feel extremely excited, and experience harder erections and stronger ejaculations than usual. Some so-called cuckolds effectively dominate the scene, choosing lovers for their hotwives, sometimes advising the lover as to how to turn on the wife, much like a film director selects a leading man for his leading lady, and then coaches him on how to play the scene. What do all these very different types of cuckolds - the Submissive, the Dominant, the Sissy, the Swinger, the Director (just to name a few) - have in common? They are all extremely aroused by seeing, hearing or imagining their women having sex with other men. So, what is going on here? Why are so many men excited by cuckolding? Even if they’re jealous? There are many explanations, but one of the more compelling reasons for this type of male arousal lies in human evolutionary biology. Scientists used to think that there was only one kind of sperm with a single goal: to swim to the egg and inseminate it - ejaculation being like the proverbial gunshot at the start of a marathon, sending all the little tadpoles swimming upstream in a race to the mothership. Sounds plausible, but it’s largely wrong. Looking through giant microscopes, evolutionary biologists Robin Baker and Mark Bellis found that “egg-inseminators” make up only about 1% of a man’s sperm. So… what about the rest? What about the 99%? It turns out that sperm aren’t so much like a bunch of individual runners or swimmers, but more like an army or a football team. The offensive players are the tackles and fullbacks in the Big Game going on inside the female’s reproductive tract. They don’t ever even try to race to the egg because their job is to hunt, tackle and kill sperm. What sperm are they trying to kill? Not other sperm from the same male, that would be "friendly fire," and it wouldn’t be very good teamwork. These “killer” sperm are trying to attack and destroy sperm from another male that might be sharing the vagina with them in the Superbowl of Sex. They even use chemical warfare, emitting powerful spermicidal enzymes. But the attack sperm then come up against “defensive” sperm on the other side that block and protect their respective inseminator-quarterback brothers from incoming attacks. And the Big Game is on. Go team go! The Sperm War is underway… The Sperm Wars theory explains some men’s passion for football and other war games. More to the point, it illuminates male excitement over female non-monogamy, male competition and the idea of being cuckolded (a cuckold being a man whose wife or girlfriend has sex with other men). This goes back to our prehistoric human ancestors who were probably not monogamous. Like our cousins, the bonobos and common chimps, often several males would mate with one fertile female within a few days of one another, sometimes in the midst of a prehistoric "gangbang." These different men’s sperm would then duke it out within one woman for the evolutionary goal of fertilizing her egg, and so the male psyche was primed to find male competition arousing. How do Sperm Wars affect men today? Obviously, we don’t have so many gangbangs as our ancestors probably did. But whenever a man has sex with a woman, he unconsciously considers the odds of her being with another man. If he feels that she is totally faithful to him, he might feel very happy and secure and love her a lot, but his erection won’t be at its strongest, nor will his sperm volume be at its highest. Unconsciously, his brain sends a message to his testicles: Don’t bother to send out the full army (or football team) of several hundred million sperm to an empty field where there’s no opposing team. But if he suspects his wife or girlfriend is having sex with another man, whether she is or not... if he feels she could be cuckolding him—whether he’s a happy swinger, a curious voyeur, a humiliated cuckold, a knowledgeable polyamorist, a controlling pimp, an angry victim or just a confused spouse—his testicles will spring into action and produce as many hundred million warrior sperm, blockers and inseminators as they can. The result is that the man has a much stronger erection, more copious ejaculate and a more intensely pleasurable orgasm than usual. Studies have shown that a husband’s sperm count rises when his wife is away for a few days, even if he’s ejaculated as much as he normally does during her absence. Not knowing exactly what the little lady is up to when she goes out “with the girls” or stays late “in a meeting” can send that urgent telegram of arousal to a man’s balls to assemble the army, so he’s hot, hard and ready to jump her bones by the time she gets home. This tends to happen whether the man is insanely jealous or filled with sweet compersion. Often considered the opposite of jealousy, the word “compersion” is used by swingers and polyamorists to convey the empathetic, bonoboësque joy they feel for their partners’ pleasure with others. Not everyone is capable of compersion or even wants to be, but it certainly makes the sperm wars effect more enjoyable. Apparently, the human male is wired to be aroused by sexual competition. This is one reason why so many men are drawn to so-called "slutty" women, despite the fact that so many societies, around the world and throughout history, have consistently and vigorously denigrated sluts. This also explains why so many men love pornography. When a man views porn, he tends to watch a woman he desires having sex with someone else, usually another man, or maybe even with several men, as in the popular gangbang genre of porn. Some male porn lovers enjoy watching women masturbating or lesbian porn, but the vast majority of men choose to watch heterosexual porn. Essentially, they are watching a slutty woman with another man or men. This tends to trigger a stiff, Sperms Wars-powered erection.The Sperm Wars theory also explains why so many men, even if they adore their wives, get sexually bored with them after a few years. If a gentleman feels there is no possibility that he could be "cuckolded," and that his wife could cheat on him or that she could be with another man, then his sperm count will stay *comfortably* low. After all, no sense sending out the whole football team of sperm when just a few runners will do the trick. This is not to say that couples can't stay monogamous and enjoy hot sex for many decades, but such couples often utilize the power of fantasy, either together or individually. But a long marriage that never even entertains the possibility of cuckoldry, i.e., another man having sex with the wife, is almost inevitably doomed to low sperm counts and comfortable boredom in the bedroom. What about jealousy? Sperm competition is exciting, reminding a man that his woman is worth fighting for, making his erection fighting hard. The danger is that jealousy, which is all tangled up with possessiveness, insecurity and fear, will add the wrong kind of fuel to the Sperm Wars fire, and all that fun fighting between sperm turns to real fighting between people. Even "retroactive jealousy" over past lovers or "fantasy jealousy" over future lovers or paranoid jealousy over imaginary lovers, might overwhelm a man to the point that the Sperm Wars going on within his balls only adds fuel to his rage and fear. The Sperms Wars cocktail is a potent one, and can be quite dangerous in high doses or when experienced at the wrong time or place. Thus, a lady must respect her gentleman’s boundaries; with some men, playing the Sperm Wars game is playing with fire. But remember: the woman doesn’t actually have to have sex with the other man to create the scintillating Sperm Wars effect. It is only necessary that her primemate think she might, even if he just imagines it, and even if everyone knows it's *just* a fantasy. Indeed, for most couples, the power of Sperm Wars and the experience of being "cuckolded" are best and most safely explored in the realm of the imagination. The realm of fantasy which can be almost as exciting as the real thing, and a lot less dangerous. There’s a fine art to this, the art of balancing love and lust. The Sperm Wars theory is not just a sex geek’s delight (thought it certainly is that). Understanding how Sperm Wars works really helps to keep lust alive in a long-term relationship Now, if only we could keep the wars to the sperm, and stop the wars between people… MAKE SPERM WARS, NOT REAL WARS ~Susan M Block, Ph.D. *A primemate is a "primary mate." A couple may have more than one sex partner, but they are each other's primemate.ARE YOU A CUCKOLD? Is Your Hot Wife Having Sex With A Big Bull? Do You Wish She Was? For Phone Sex Therapy on the subject of Sperm Wars, Swinging, Threesomes, Cuckolds, HotWives, Cheating Wives, Sluts, Bulls or Anything Else You Need to Talk About, Call The Dr. Susan Block Institute Anytime at 626-461-5950. For Phone Sex Therapy on the subject of Sperm Wars, Swinging, Threesomes, Cuckolds, HotWives, Cheating Wives, Sluts, Bulls or Anything Else You Need to Talk About, Call The Dr. Susan Block Institute Anytime at 213-291-9497. Read More |
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