Are you a victim of religious sexual abuse?

Were you raised in a strict religious environment?

Call Us 24/7 at [callus]

Has your sexuality has been hurt, warped or excessively restricted by a harsh, authoritarian, "divinely" inspired, anti-sex  upbringing?

Are you concerned that an unhealthy, fundamentalist, orthodox and/or hypocritical religious approach to life is repressing, oppressing, distorting or destroying your sexuality, your marriage, or your life in general?

The Dr. Susan Block Institute specializes in treating victims of religious sexual abuse and others whose sex lives have been damaged by strict, religious, anti-sex indoctrination.    Institute Director Dr. Susan Block, a Yale University graduate with a PhD from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality,  is one of the world's foremost experts in issues pertaining to sex and religion.  If you need help, or if you just need to talk, give us a call anytime 24/7 at [callus].  You can talk to Dr. Block herself or one of our many other telephone sex therapists.  Someone is always here for you.

Of course, there are important differences between the many religions of the world and their specific rules governing sexual conduct.  But whether you were raised Christian, Catholic, Sunni, Sufi or Shi'ite Muslim, Jewish (ethnic or Orthodox), Hindu, Mormon, Coptic, Buddhist, Born Again, Scientologist or any other faith worshipping a heavenly higher power, clergy and other authority figures may have used unreasonable, anti-sex and/or self-serving interpretations of scripture or religious law to control your sexuality and  inflict deep, long-lasting damage.

Religious Sexual Abuse can take many forms.  It may be physical, mental, emotional or spiritual.  Most often, it begins in early childhood.  The scars may be lasting, but the pain can be healed with a little bit of reason and a lot of love.

Religion is a powerful, yet easily manipulated force in many people's lives.

Were you abused by a misuse of the power of religion?

Were you taught as a child to fear sex, your naked body, your genitalia, your feelings, fantasies or desires?

Were you beaten as a child for being bad?  Were you threatened with eternal damnation, told that God would punish you for your natural erotic curiosity?

Were you ever pressured or forced to do sexual things by a member of the clergy or other trusted adult authority figure who coerced you in the name of God?

Were you ever pressured to not do sexual things by a member of the clergy or other trusted adult authority figure who coerced you in the name of God?

Were you pressured to accept things that didn't make sense just because they were in the Bible, Koran or other Holy Book or scripture?

Were you told that masturbation was a mortal sin?

Do you feel controlled by your religion?

Do you feel that you can't "be yourself," sexually speaking, for fear of how God, your family or your religious community might react?

Are you tired of the heavenly lies and clergy-serving fairy tales?

Is excessive religiosity driving you in the opposite direction, toward what some people call "sex addiction," an obsession with porn or other types of illicit sex?

Are you aroused by breaking taboos?  Do you find yourself fantasizing about engaging in sexual activities that go against your moral code?

Are you attracted to people of other faiths or ethnic groups, even though your family would disapprove?  Are you turned on by  "extreme" ethnic Muslims, Christians, Jews, Hindus, Atheists or others--partly because your religious community considers them to be the forbidden "other"?

Do you find yourself obsessed with humiliating your own or other religions, like the "Innocence of Muslims," the "Protocols of the Elders of Zion" or "Christian-bashing?"  Do you have sexual fantasies about Christian Crusaders, Arab-Israeli Conflicts, Jihad, martyrs or other types of eroticized Holy Wars?

Do you find yourself getting aroused by fantasies of violent sex or violence against people of *other* religions? Or do you imagine them committing violence against you?

Have you developed sexual "hang-ups" or unwanted fetishes that might stem from your religious upbringing?

Do you find you are unable to "perform" or enjoy sex because of deep feelings of guilt and/or shame?

Do you feel that your sexual desires might condemn you to burn in hell for eternity?

Do you ever fantasize about erotic acts of blasphemy?

Have you done or fantasized about doing kinky things in church, temple, mosque or synagogue?  Have you ever had or fantasized about having sex with nuns, priests, imams, ayatollahs, mullahs, rabbis, yogis, monks or other clergy?

Or are you, perhaps, a member of the clergy leading a double life?  Preaching a strict abstinence-only doctrine by day and practicing your secret sexual fetish by night?

Do you feel alone, confused and/or concerned about this?

Would you like to talk about it with someone who understands, who won't *judge* you, but will listen and talk to you, in complete privacy and confidentiality?

Need to talk to someone about something you can't talk about with anyone else? You can talk to us.

Experience Telephone Sex Therapy More private than a "confession booth,"  and a lot more helpful.

Perhaps you'd like a fresh perspective on the relationship of sex and God, or sexuality and spirituality.  Maybe you need help with processing religiously inspired, sex-negative messages in yourself or in your loved one.  Perhaps you need the strength to stand up for your personal sexual "rights" against unreasonable religious dogma.

Then again, maybe you just need some help from a real "sexpert" in finding ways to explore, express and satisfy your sexual desires without breaking the rules of your religion or compromising your faith.

For information about our telephone sex therapy, webcam and sext therapy services, call [callus].

You won't go to hell for it.  But you just might feel a whole lot better.

Call Us Now: [callus]

Gentlemen: Do you like wearing women's clothing?

Do you get aroused, have fun or just feel comfortable wearing feminine lingerie, stockings, dresses, skirts, lacy or silky panties, bras, garter belts, wigs, high heels and/or makeup?

Do you crossdress openly or is it a big secret?

Would you like to share your secret crossdressing fantasies with someone--perhaps a lover, therapist, friend or  understanding stranger--with your complete confidentiality absolutely guaranteed?

Ladies: Did you find a lacy thong stashed in a hidden compartment of your husband's briefcase? Don't jump to conclusions.  They may not be another woman's--but his!

Do you want to learn more about why you (or your lover) enjoy crossdressing?  Would you like to find out where your transvestite or transsexual fetish or fantasies come from, or how you can best cope with your crossdressing desires?

Maybe it's time you call the world's foremost Crossdressing Phone Sex Therapy Specialists.  We're always here for you, anytime you need to talk, 24/7.  You can call us now at [callus].

Crossdressing is nothing new. From ancient Greek drama, which featured men in all the women's roles, to Victorian Bloomer Girls to modern drag queens, ever since men and women started wearing different clothes, they found excuses to wear each other's clothes. Currently, unlike men, women who wear “male” clothing have few social problems. Tomboys are accepted.  Sissies are not. Women wear pants and nobody even blinks, but when a man wears a skirt (unless perhaps, its a kilt), its usually a big deal.  It doesn’t seem fair, but such are the decrees of socio-sexual fashion.

How does male crossdressing start?  Every crossdresser has a different story, but most begin their lifelong love affair with feminine apparel around early adolescence. The first glimmers of the fetish often revolve around Mama's sensual, forbidden panties  or nylons. Many teenage boys get aroused by touching or smelling Mom's or Sister's lingerie, usually hanging tantalizingly over a towel rack or lying nestled in a hamper. Crossdressers take this common interest a step further by actually trying it on.

Some say the desire to crossdress starts as a sort of security blanket when a boy seeks comfort in Mom's clothing to escape a harsh or absent Dad.  If he’s caught in the act, he’s often humiliated which makes him feel guilty, but enhances the excitement of crossdressing. Some say crossdressing is partly genetic. Regardless of the cause, most experts agree that the desire to crossdress is not something someone can simply eliminate, even with therapy, especially if it’s been going on since childhood.

What do men feel when they crossdress? Many thoughts, feelings, sensations, desires and fantasies may course through their veins and penetrate their brains as they wear feminine clothing.  They might feel it’s exciting, relaxing (even tranquilizing), mystical, dangerous, taboo, irreverent, erotic and more. Some really want to be women (and may eventually become transsexuals). Some are gay.  But most are straight or bisexual. Many say they feel that deep inside, they are lesbians. Some might have trouble connecting with women, so they dress up so they can be the kind of lady they'd like to go out with, but can’t find. Then there's James, a retired judge (male), who just married Sharon, an attorney (female).  It was a beautiful crossdressed wedding: James wore a full-length bridal gown, and Sharon wore a top hat and tuxedo.

Why is it that so many closet crossdressers are judges, fire fighters, construction workers, police officers, attorneys, and CEOs?    Usually, they’re overcompensating or trying to *disguise* their feminine desires by working in a field that’s traditionally ultra-male. Many feel that ladies are pampered.  Whether that's accurate is irrelevant. The fact is when these men crossdress, they feel pampered. They forget the manly stresses of the board room, fire station or construction site, and simply relax and have fun.  It's ironic that when most women want to relax, they take off their high heels and garters, and put on a T-shirt and shorts.  The fact that some men get comfortable by taking off their jeans and putting on a corset is one of the great paradoxical joys of crossdressing.

There is nothing ethically "wrong" with crossdressing, thought many people, societies and religions maintain that its wrong.  The biggest problems arise when, because of these social pressures to conform, crossdressers feel they must stay in the closet, which most do.  Many lifelong crossdressers have girlfriends, or even wives of many years they wouldn't dream of telling about their undercover fashion passion.  Their desire for secrecy is understandable, since the potential for stinging rejection or worse is immense.

Your secrets are safe with us, and your confidentiality is absolutely guaranteed.  Anytime you need to talk, 24 hours a day, the world-famous telephone sex therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences are just a phone call away. You may talk with a male, female or shemale therapist.  For more information, call [callus].

Though we completely understand and honor the need that most crossdressers have for complete secrecy, there's no doubt that most crossdressers are happier and healthier--and less likely to get into trouble--if they can share their fetish with someone they are close to.  If you are a crossdresser and you want to open up to a partner, we can help you turn this exciting thought into a reality.

We also understand that some wives might have a tough time coping with the revelation of their husbands' crossdressing. Though transvestitism itself is very difficult to stop, with a little knowledge and a lot of love, wives have been known to change how they deal with their husbands' fetish. Usually this requires modification on the husband's part as well, not necessarily of the crossdressing itself, but of some other aspect of his behavior toward his wife.  Keep in mind that though some women are horrified to discover their husband is crossdressing, some not only tolerate it, they love it.  You may, despite your assumptions, find that you enjoy it too.  And hey, if your sizes aren't too different, you two can trade panties!

Whether you need serious crossdressing therapy, guided masturbation, erotic hypnosis, knowledgeable advice, counseling, help with a problem or just a hot phone sex therapy experience, call us at [callus].

Call Us Now [callus]

 Are you thinking about cheating? Are you currently engaged in a secret sexual affair? Or maybe you’re just curious, seriously considering having extra-marital sex, but it hasn’t happened… yet.  Then again, perhaps you’d never actually do it, but you can’t help fantasizing about it. Or is it the other way around: Do you think your spouse is cheating on you?  How do you feel about it? Devastated? Jealous? Enraged?  Excited? Aroused? Confused? Need to talk about your feelings?  Need help figuring out what to do, if anything?

The telephone sex therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute understand the thrill and the guilt, the dread and desire, the fantastic excitement and real life repercussions of infidelity, adultery, betrayal, duplicity, cuckoldry and cheating. Let us give you the kind of help you need right now. We’re open 24/7.  Call us now or anytime you need to talk:

Need more information before you call? Keep reading to learn the different ways that “Cheating Phone Sex Therapy” with the Block Institute can help you.

 Are you currently cheating?

Are you now having an affair now and need to talk to someone about it? Are you sexually involved with a friend, co-worker or someone you met online, unbeknownst to your spouse?  Perhaps you’re secretly seeing a “professional,” such as an escort, mistress, masseuse or dominatrix. Are you committed to keeping your marriage (or other serious relationship) going, but driven by this insatiable urge to “cheat”? Is it the irresistible chemistry of your lover? Is it because your spouse will not have sex with you, or at least not in the way you want to have sex?  Or is it the taboo thrill of adultery itself that sexually excites you in ways your marriage alone never does?

Regardless of your reason for cheating, the burden of leading a double life is bound to cause you anxiety. Do you need to talk about it? We at the Block Institute are not here to judge you. We’re here to help. That might mean helping you to better understand and cope with your desire to cheat, whether it’s due to fixable problems with your spouse, your own natural promiscuity or something else. If you want to stop, we can help you to stop cheating. If you don’t, we can help you negotiate your secret life with your more public life. Then again, maybe you just need an understanding, open-minded ear to listen to your story with compassion and empathy. Whatever you need to talk about, we’re here for you.  Call us at [callus]

 Do you think your spouse is cheating on you?

Are you suspicious that your spouse is having an affair? Are you wondering if the rumors of infidelity are true? Need help trying to determine if your suspicions are valid?  Are you unsure of the next step to take and want a plan of action? Your sense of betrayal, hurt, rage, excitement and confusion can be so overwhelming that it feels impossible to think, let alone act rationally. Experiencing a wide range of feelings--from fear to envy, anger to arousal, sadness to relief, aggression to depression, rage to lust--is entirely natural. If you need help dealing with these conflicted feelings, or figuring out what’s really going on and/or deciding what to do about your suspected cheating spouse, the telephone sex therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute are here to help.  Call us at [callus]

Are you considering having an affair?

Are you seriously thinking about looking outside your marriage for something you feel is missing: the thrill of sex with someone new? Are you desperately yearning for the kind of sex you can’t have with your spouse? Do you troll Ashley Madison, escorting websites or your Facebook friend list, on the verge of getting into an extramarital affair? Do you need to weigh the pros and cons of cheating with an experienced expert who won’t judge you, but will help you make some important decisions about your sex life? Of course, society frowns upon cheating—and for many good reasons. But sometimes having an affair is the “right” thing to do for various reasons, one of which might be that your sinking sex life is in serious need of a lifeboat. Sometimes, oddly enough, it can even save your marriage. Then again, maybe you’re open to the idea of re-igniting the spark in your marriage. Dr. Block is an expert at “making marriage feel like an affair.”  Whatever your personal concerns and desires are, if you are considering having an affair—or not—we can help.  Call us anytime you need to talk at [callus]

 Do you fantasize about cheating?

Do you dream of having an affair, but want to steer clear of cheating in real life?  Does the fantasy of hot-blooded adultery turn you on, even though you’re pretty sure the reality of doing it would turn your stomach, not to mention destroy your marriage? Do you think about having hot sex with people other than your spouse when you make love or masturbate?  Fantasizing is not actually cheating, of course, but it can feel almost as exciting as cheating--and it’s a whole lot safer.

Have you ever used phone sex to role-play adulterous fantasies? Would you like to try?  Phone sex fantasy roleplay is an effective, exciting, discreet way to enjoy many of the erotic thrills of an affair without actually “having” one.  Phone sex is a relatively prudent expression of what Nathaniel Hawthorne called "lawless passion." If you're going to have an affair, it’s better (and safer) to do it on the phone than in the flesh. At least, you won't get an STD. And at best, you'll get inspiration and ideas to improve your love life with your spouse without entangling your body, not to mention your body fluids, with somebody else's. In any case, you won't get lipstick on your zipper, or semen on your dress.

The relative safety of phone sex often involves deeper, more complex feelings than concern over STDs. The phone is a stage upon which you can act out your wildest fantasies, a telephonic erotic “Theatre of the Mind” that allows you to safely explore dangerous, taboo desires. Whatever the nature of your adulterous fantasy, we’re here to help you to express it, enjoy, contain  and deal with it in as positive a way as possible with the least danger to your marriage, work, family or any aspect of your “real life.”

Is phone sex cheating?  Not inherently. Though if you keep your phone sex a secret from your partner, you feel like you're cheating, and if you feel like you're cheating, you probably are. But if you feel compelled to embark upon an affair, and you want to keep things as safe as possible, better to share your lawless passion chaperoned by your telephone.  For phone sex fantasy roleplay, call us anytime at [callus]

 Do you fantasize about your wife—or future wife—cheating on you?

It goes against conventional wisdom that a married man--or even a divorced or single man—would be excited by the fantasy of his wife—or future wife, girlfriend or ex--cheating by “cuckolding” him.  But this type of cuckold fantasy is a lot more common than you might realize, and it is one of the areas in which the telephone sex therapists of the Block Institute specialize. So if you find yourself aroused by cuckold fantasies like this, rest assured you’re not alone.

Besides being about your wife having an affair with another man, this type of cuckold fantasy can be loving or wild, sensuous or kinky, or a combination.  It may involve domination, voyeurism, bisexuality, humiliation, interracial sex, feminization, penis size fetishes, striptease, bondage, teasing, oral, anal and many other types of sex that certainly do “spice up” that sacred marital bond—even if you never do any of it in real life. For more information about your cuckolding or hotwifing desires, see Dr. Block's article on “sperm wars.”

Whether or not you act on these desires, it’s always a good idea to talk about them to someone knowledgeable.  Dr. Block can help you to understand your feelings in order to determine what you might want to "act out," and what is better kept in the realm of fantasy. Sometimes you just want to leave reality for the moment and enter the magical erotic world of fantasy roleplay, and you can do that with Dr. Block or one of our cuckold phone sex therapists.

And yes, of course, you can masturbate (if you want), during sessions.  And no, there is no other phone sex or sex therapy service quite like ours.

Call us anytime at [callus].

The Deadliest Sin

Need to Talk? Call The Dr. Susan Block Institute Anytime at .

Addictions. Gotta love 'em. Gotta hate 'em too, sometimes. But first, we gotta love 'em, or we wouldn't have 'em in the first place. Addictions are the spices of our lives. Of course, too much spice spoils the enchilada. But without a little salsa, it's all just beans and dead meat.

Granted, addiction can certainly be a destructive force, wreaking havoc on your world, but it can also be the source of tremendous creative energy in human life. Sometimes, the only way to truly master something is to become passionately, obsessively addicted to it. Without the driving vigor of our addictions, we surrender to mediocrity, bureaucracy, and (shudder) mere functionality. The world's greatest artists, many of our greatest statesmen, certainly our greatest lovers, and even some of our greatest scientists have been notoriously addictive personalities, all living and dying in overheated pursuits of pleasure, power, knowledge and love.

Our addictions give us a taste of paradise. It may be a temporary paradise, and it may be an artificial paradise, a dangerous, even doomed paradise, but the pursuit of paradise, ecstasy, bliss, nirvana, heaven-on-earth - also known as “the pursuit of happiness,” as written into the U.S. Declaration of Independence - is one of the great natural drives of humanity, maybe even of all so-called intelligent life on earth.

The Seven Deadly Addictions

Everybody's addicted to something, even if it's the philosophy of not getting addicted to anything. Some of us channel our addictive drives into stuff that society deems safe or constructive. For instance, work is a socially acceptable addiction, even though the heroes of our culture, the work-driven businessmen and traders, are more likely to die young of a heart attack (or jump out the window when the stocks crash) than the pot-smoking slackers among us. Shopping is another socially sanctioned narcotic, until all your credit cards are maxed out, and suddenly your favorite shopping outlets stop loving you back. Then there are prescription drugs, an all-American addiction with soothing celebrity-studded ads to make those mysterious little pills easier to swallow, and you don't even have to worry about your credit cards if you've got the right insurance.

Other addictions are not generally treated with such compassion. Some are vilified and punished severely. The fact that you can be locked up and tortured for decades within the humongous U.S. prison system (a growth industry which thrives on addiction), over simply indulging your addiction to an “illegal substance” is bad enough. But it goes beyond questions of legality. Indeed, the very idea of addiction has assumed that mortifying place in our hearts and minds that a sense of sin used to occupy. To be a "sinner" is now cool, like sporting tattoos or playing in a band. Nobody's ashamed to be a sinner anymore. But an addict? To be an addict is to be what a sinner used to be: weak, despised, disgraced and diseased. The concept of Original Sin is almost meaningless to the modern mind. But the Addictive Personality? We can all relate to that.

So, the Seven Deadly Sins have given way to the Seven Deadly Addictions: Alcoholism, Drug Addiction, Food Obsessions, Workaholism and Gambling Mania are the first five. I'd put Exercise Junkies into the category of Workaholism. After all, an obsession with working out is just a variation on overworking. I'd place Stock Trading and my own personal addiction to playing the CPCs on Google Adwords under Gambling Mania.

Love Junkies

Then there’s #6: Love Addiction. This one's a mass attacker. Excepting the occasional sociopathic loner, everybody gets it. What normal, people-oriented person has not suffered from the deep, sweet agony and ecstasy of codependent love addiction? Since being identified as a disease, "codependency" has spread like the flu, because who can't relate to the symptoms, who hasn't yearned to hold and be held, to care and be cared for, to depend on someone who depends on you? Isn’t that what sharing your life is all about? Not according to many self-proclaimed gurus with troubled pasts who tell us we must--at any cost--break our addictions and squash our dependencies on the people who mean the most to us.

Constant avoidance of codependency leads to "addiction to perfection," a phrase coined by Marion Woodman to describe chronic fear of involvement with others, a far more debilitating affliction than lovesickness. Of course, the experience of being in love can have negative consequences, ranging from separation anxiety to murder, if a toxic combination of character and circumstances comes into play. But codependency itself is not "dysfunctional." There's nothing wrong with being Addicted to Love. Just don't get addicted to loving a jerk.

If you find yourself getting involved with jerk after jerk after jerk, okay, you win the prize label of “Love Junkie,” and would probably benefit from therapy, if for no other reason than the fact that a therapist will give you that full-focused attention you crave. That longing for attention is the very thing that keeps sending you head first into the arms of jerks in the first place! But if your paramour is a paragon, or at least a non -jerk, then why not give it all you've got? As the 18th century French playwright P.A.C. de Beaumarchais said long before there were Women Who Love Too Much, "Where love is concerned, too much is not even enough."

And yes, you could make a mistake. You could find yourself deeply involved or addicted to someone or something that's really hurting you. Then you must make the Herculean effort to extricate yourself from your many-pronged addiction as from the jaws of a many-headed hydra. If you defeat the hydra, you'll be a hero. If the hydra defeats you, well…it happens to the best of us.

Why is it so tough to leave a jerk? Because being in love is like being on drugs. Hard drugs. True love, or even deluded love, is a natural high far finer and smoother than anything you could inject, smoke, snort, drink or swallow. Of course, love isn’t something you can pick up at the pharmacy or even on the black market. You can’t really even “find love.” Love finds you. It strikes you like a mystical gift from God, an arrow from Eros, or a practical joke from tricky, fickle old hot Mama Nature, the Original Drug Dealer.

The first Love Drug Stew that Mama stirs up is a fricassee of powerful chemicals: dopamine, norepinephrine, phenylethylamine (PEA) and other natural cousins of amphetamines, stimulants and painkillers that flow through your bloodstream and permeate your cells, creating a place within you where hormones meet holiness, angels dance, and the city never sleeps. This “hot love” eventually dies down, leading many to wonder: Where has the love gone? But often, the sizzling heat gives way to “warm love,” when opiate-like endorphins and sweet-feeling oxytocin flow in, sensitizing your nerves, stimulating muscle contraction, enhancing orgasm and making cuddling feel absolutely divine, bringing on that nice, warm sense of well-being you get when you’re really comfortable with someone. The thing about Warm Love is that, unlike Hot Love, it can last forever. In fact, it’s quite habit-forming. This is why breaking up is so hard to do. Even when you know someone is wrong for you, and you should move on, it often feels like you can’t. Why? Because you’re chemically addicted. Oxytocin, when it’s got you hooked on the wrong partner, can be tougher to quit than heroin. Sometimes you need a therapist, a whole support group or just a really good friend to help you kick the habit.

But if you’re with the right person, the cozy codependent compounds that concoct Warm Love create a “good addiction,” helping to keep you happy together long after your Hot Love peaks have petered out. Warm Love chemicals aren’t just a high; they’re a health benefit, naturally strengthening your heart and immune system, as well as your relationship.

Sex Addiction

Last but not at all least, we come to #7 of the newly revised Seven Deadly Sins, the deadliest, most demonized and glamorized sin of the pack: Sex Addiction.

Just about every horny person who calls me for sex therapy these days - male or female – asks me if I think they’re a “sex addict.” Often they come up with the notion they suffer from “sex addiction” while researching their favorite fetish online. All roads lead to Rome, and almost all sexual or fetishistic search words eventually take the seeker to articles deploring an interest in that fetish as a form of sex addiction. Then again, perhaps someone they know has called them a “sex addict” in a fit of righteous exasperation. Or maybe they identify with certain sexy but star-crossed superstars like David Duchovny, Charlie Sheen, Tiger Woods or Kanye West, or powerful former Presidents like Bill Clinton and John F. Kennedy, all of whom have been branded by the media and various “experts” with this most exciting, perverse, shame-riddled and downright sinful of labels. Then again, they might just be intoxicated by the idea of being utterly out of control, ruled by their libidinous desires, or by a seductress who takes advantage of their vulnerable, addictive sensibilities. Yes, the modern Scarlet Letter doesn’t stand for simple Adultery anymore, but for Addiction—Sex Addiction.

But what exactly is sex addiction? Is it even possible to come up with a definition that all the so-called experts can agree on? Probably not. According to some sex addiction specialists, an interest in any type of sex other than married-monogamous-missionary-position-sex-with-the-lights-off could qualify you. So, if you masturbate regularly, enjoy pornography, have an affair, go to swing parties, dance in strip clubs, like phone sex, see a dominatrix, work as a dominatrix, wear panties under your clothes (if you're a guy) or over your clothes (if you're a gal), own more than three pairs of stiletto heels (if you're a guy or a gal) or if you fantasize about anyone or anything other than your beloved, you are at risk of being branded a sex addict. I guess if you host a show about sex in a bed wearing lingerie surrounded by dildos under a giant photo of a bonobo chimpanzee, you might as well have "Sex Addict" tattooed across your cleavage.

Not that sex addiction is just a joke.  But is it a real disease?  It is not an official psychiatric disorder, so the science isn't there to back it up, and it doesn't look like it ever will be.  Nevertheless, the people who call themselves or their loved ones "sex addicts" are usually experiencing real problems, and what we call "sex addiction" can involve very serious, complicated, deep-seated issues best treated with highly focused therapy. What we call "sex addiction" can take a variety of forms and can involve any sexual practice. It’s not the activity that makes the so-called addict, it’s the attitude:  compulsively engaging in unwanted behaviors that make his or her life unmanageable. The “unmanageable” part is the key, because we all, on occasion, have bad sex or do sexual things we’re not so proud of. Unmanageability could involve anything from failing college exams because Internet porn overtook studying, to spending the family savings on a blackmailing dominatrix, to engaging in bareback sex in public restrooms while your wife and kids sit at the dinner table watching the roast get cold. Someone who identifies with the label "sex addict" feels out of control.  He or she is not, in fact, as powerless as he or she feels.  Yet, he or she may wish to stop the unwanted behavior, yet repeatedly fails to do so, often ruining relationships and experiencing job loss, financial troubles, sickness, arrest, accidents, guilt, shame, low self-esteem, impotency and despair.

Sounds pretty bleak, but if you want to change, you can.  Whether you believe in the validity of the "sex addict" label or not, the first step is usually admitting that you have a problem and deciding that you want to make a change. The next step is reaching out for help, which can take many different forms. You might benefit from talking to a therapist who can help you understand the problem and put you on a program for positive change. You could join a group that can help you to voice those thoughts and feelings you’ve only been able to express through negative sex-addictive behaviors, and ultimately support your efforts to change for the better. You might be able to use a friend as a sounding board, though friends tend to have their own agendas in mind for you. Books, art and even snarky self-help advocates (who often quote the great thinkers of history, even if they personally have nothing original to say) can also be helpful when you want to tame the wild beasts of an obsessive-compulsive libido. Churches, synagogues, mosques, temples and other religious institutions can also assist certain types of addicts, though they generally have a very specific religious agenda, and have been known to commit religious sexual abuse upon their congregants.

Though sex in general can be a real problem for many of us, much of what is solemnly or sensationally labeled “sex addiction” is just normal erotic angst, sexual experimentation, fetishistic fun and relationship troubles. Ironically, these days, many people seem to grab the term like a designer label on sale, because even though it’s embarrassing and demeaning, calling yourself a “sex addict” is, well, sexy. Some long to wear a glittering Scarlet Letter “A” for Addict on their breast, and seem disappointed when I say “um, just because you masturbate three times a week does not make you a sex addict.” More and more people seem to like the idea of being sex addicts with no ability to control their prodigious desires. It’s become something of a fad, or at least a trend. Normal healthy people with sex problems, frustration, fetishes, questions and fantasies do often benefit from sex therapy and fantasy roleplay. But they don’t require the intensive treatment the true addict needs.

Treatment for addiction can be as hazardous to humanity as the addiction itself. Just look at the murders committed on antidepressants, the innocents thrown into prison for nothing more than smoking a joint, the decent people branded as sex addicts, dysfunctional or even criminal just because they pursue unusual, albeit consensual sex practices. Addiction can be awful. But far worse than a society that harbors a few crazed addicts is one that reduces our sexuality – or the rest of our lives – to merely being functional.

SEXUAL ISSUES

Cuckolds, Hot Wives, Threesomes & Evolutionary Biology

Most men are excited by the idea of their women being with other men. Yes, most. They may or may not actually like it. But many an otherwise sensible gentleman finds himself aroused upon seeing his hot wife, girlfriend or significant other flirt with a stranger, or perhaps a friend. He may be jealous, hurt, angry, even enraged. Still, he often can’t help but want to make love to "his" woman as soon as they get home, his erection stronger than usual, and his ejaculation more powerful. It's as if he is pumped up to win some sort of sexual competition with another male for the prize of this valuable female, his wife.

A more adventurous gentleman might even encourage his lady to have sex with the other man, "cheat" on him with lovers, dress in "slutty" clothing when they go out in the presence of other men, or at least talk about the fantasyof being with another man, perhaps while she is pleasuring her with a large dildo, which *represents* the other man.

Traditionally, this kind of husband (or boyfriend) is called a cuckold, an old English word that carries connotations of unwilling sexual submission and shame. Many cuckolds, willing or not, are sexual submissives in their relationships, helpless slaves to their women's desire for other men, or their own fetish for being cuckolded by their "slutty," often cheating wives, sometimes masturbating as they watch their hotwives get it on with "alpha" males, even sexually servicing their wives' well-endowed partners or being the subject of intense humiliation.

But many other gentlemen who enjoy watching or imagining their female primemates* having sex with other men in threesomes, at swing parties, in porn or with dildos, don't feel humiliated at all. They do, however, feel extremely excited, and experience harder erections and stronger ejaculations than usual. Some so-called cuckolds effectively dominate the scene, choosing lovers for their hotwives, sometimes advising the lover as to how to turn on the wife, much like a film director selects a leading man for his leading lady, and then coaches him on how to play the scene.

What do all these very different types of cuckolds - the Submissive, the Dominant, the Sissy, the Swinger, the Director (just to name a few) - have in common? They are all extremely aroused by seeing, hearing or imagining their women having sex with other men.

So, what is going on here?  Why are so many men excited by cuckolding? Even if they’re jealous? There are many explanations, but one of the more compelling reasons for this type of male arousal lies in human evolutionary biology. Scientists used to think that there was only one kind of sperm with a single goal: to swim to the egg and inseminate it - ejaculation being like the proverbial gunshot at the start of a marathon, sending all the little tadpoles swimming upstream in a race to the mothership. Sounds plausible, but it’s largely wrong. Looking through giant microscopes, evolutionary biologists Robin Baker and Mark Bellis found that “egg-inseminators” make up only about 1% of a man’s sperm. So… what about the rest? What about the 99%? It turns out that sperm aren’t so much like a bunch of individual runners or swimmers, but more like an army or a football team. The offensive players are the tackles and fullbacks in the Big Game going on inside the female’s reproductive tract. They don’t ever even try to race to the egg because their job is to hunt, tackle and kill sperm.

What sperm are they trying to kill? Not other sperm from the same male, that would be "friendly fire," and it wouldn’t be very good teamwork. These “killer” sperm are trying to attack and destroy sperm from another male that might be sharing the vagina with them in the Superbowl of Sex. They even use chemical warfare, emitting powerful spermicidal enzymes. But the attack sperm then come up against “defensive” sperm on the other side that block and protect their respective inseminator-quarterback brothers from incoming attacks. And the Big Game is on. Go team go! The Sperm War is underway…

The Sperm Wars theory explains some men’s passion for football and other war games. More to the point, it illuminates male excitement over female non-monogamy, male competition and the idea of being cuckolded (a cuckold being a man whose wife or girlfriend has sex with other men). This goes back to our prehistoric human ancestors who were probably not monogamous. Like our cousins, the bonobos and common chimps, often several males would mate with one fertile female within a few days of one another, sometimes in the midst of a prehistoric "gangbang." These different men’s sperm would then duke it out within one woman for the evolutionary goal of fertilizing her egg, and so the male psyche was primed to find male competition arousing.

How do Sperm Wars affect men today? Obviously, we don’t have so many gangbangs as our ancestors probably did. But whenever a man has sex with a woman, he unconsciously considers the odds of her being with another man. If he feels that she is totally faithful to him, he might feel very happy and secure and love her a lot, but his erection won’t be at its strongest, nor will his sperm volume be at its highest. Unconsciously, his brain sends a message to his testicles: Don’t bother to send out the full army (or football team) of several hundred million sperm to an empty field where there’s no opposing team.

But if he suspects his wife or girlfriend is having sex with another man, whether she is or not... if he feels she could be cuckolding him—whether he’s a happy swinger, a curious voyeur, a humiliated cuckold, a knowledgeable polyamorist, a controlling pimp, an angry victim or just a confused spouse—his testicles will spring into action and produce as many hundred million warrior sperm, blockers and inseminators as they can. The result is that the man has a much stronger erection, more copious ejaculate and a more intensely pleasurable orgasm than usual. Studies have shown that a husband’s sperm count rises when his wife is away for a few days, even if he’s ejaculated as much as he normally does during her absence. Not knowing exactly what the little lady is up to when she goes out “with the girls” or stays late “in a meeting” can send that urgent telegram of arousal to a man’s balls to assemble the army, so he’s hot, hard and ready to jump her bones by the time she gets home. This tends to happen whether the man is insanely jealous or filled with sweet compersion. Often considered the opposite of jealousy, the word “compersion” is used by swingers and polyamorists to convey the empathetic, bonoboësque joy they feel for their partners’ pleasure with others. Not everyone is capable of compersion or even wants to be, but it certainly makes the sperm wars effect more enjoyable.

The Sperm Wars theory also explains why so many men, even if they adore their wives, get sexually bored with them after a few years. If a gentleman feels there is no possibility that he could be "cuckolded," and that his wife could cheat on him or that she could be with another man, then his sperm count will stay *comfortably* low. After all, no sense sending out the whole football team of sperm when just a few runners will do the trick.

This is not to say that couples can't stay monogamous and enjoy hot sex for many decades, but such couples often utilize the power of fantasy, either together or individually. But a long marriage that never even entertains the possibility of cuckoldry, i.e., another man having sex with the wife, is almost inevitably doomed to low sperm counts and comfortable boredom in the bedroom.

What about jealousy? Sperm competition is exciting, reminding a man that his woman is worth fighting for, making his erection fighting hard. The danger is that jealousy, which is all tangled up with possessiveness, insecurity and fear, will add the wrong kind of fuel to the Sperm Wars fire, and all that fun fighting between sperm turns to real fighting between people. Even "retroactive jealousy" over past lovers or "fantasy jealousy" over future lovers or paranoid jealousy over imaginary lovers, might overwhelm a man to the point that the Sperm Wars going on within his balls only adds fuel to his rage and fear. The Sperms Wars cocktail is a potent one, and can be quite dangerous in high doses or when experienced at the wrong time or place.

Thus, a lady must respect her gentleman’s boundaries; with some men, playing the Sperm Wars game is playing with fire.

But remember: the woman doesn’t actually have to have sex with the other man to create the scintillating Sperm Wars effect. It is only necessary that her primemate think she might, even if he just imagines it, and even if everyone knows it's *just* a fantasy. Indeed, for most couples, the power of Sperm Wars and the experience of being "cuckolded" are best and most safely explored in the realm of the imagination.  The realm of fantasy which can be almost as exciting as the real thing, and a lot less dangerous. There’s a fine art to this, the art of balancing love and lust. The Sperm Wars theory is not just a sex geek’s delight (thought it certainly is that). Understanding how Sperm Wars works really helps to keep lust alive in a long-term relationship

 ARE YOU A CUCKOLD? Is Your Hot Wife Having Sex With A Big Bull? Do You Wish She Was? For Phone Sex Therapy on the subject of Sperm Wars, Swinging, Threesomes, Cuckolds, HotWives, Cheating Wives, Sluts, Bulls or Anything Else You Need to Talk About, Call The Dr. Susan Block Institute Anytime at 626-461-5950.

For Phone Sex Therapy on the subject of Sperm Wars, Swinging, Threesomes, Cuckolds, HotWives, Cheating Wives, Sluts, Bulls or Anything Else You Need to Talk About, Call The Dr. Susan Block Institute Anytime at 213-291-9497.

by Susan M Block, PhD

What is it about some people's feet that makes other people wild with desire? Who is a foot fetishist? A foot hedonist? A foot lover?

Feet are two of the most denigrated parts of the human body. We literally step on them all day. Rarely pleasured, often overworked, we walk, run, hike, dance and jump on our feet. Indeed, our feet are the slaves or pack mules of the rest of our bodies. Yet feet can command tremendous passion in some people. There are Leg Men, Breast Men, Bun Men, and there are Feet Men (or maybe it's Foot Men). But unlike breasts, legs and buns, the charms of feet are rarely examined, except by podiatrists, pedicurists, foot fetishists, foot hedonists and shoe salesmen.

Though my doctorate's in philosophy, not podiatry, I've studied the pleasures of feet for many years in my famous Foot Fetish Salons, as well as through my radio, TV and Internet shows, my private sex therapy practice and in my own personal life. Why feet? I love to explore love in all its many splendored aspects, and the foot is an aspect of love. After all, even if you're not "into" feet, if you love someone, you love them head-to-toe, right?

The first part of my body I let my husband Max touch was my feet. Now that we're married, there isn't a part of me that he hasn't touched (well, I won't let him pick my nose). But during our courtship, I wanted to take it slow, so I wouldn't let him move his horny hands much above my knee. But I did let him play with my feet, and oh, how he played with my feet! He caressed my ankles, massaged my arches, kissed my soles and sucked my toes; he literally made love to my feet. And my feet fell in love with him. And even now that we're married and having all kinds of sex, there's a very special relationship between Max and my feet.

Foot Fetish Types

Before I get more personal, let's return to our general discussion of foot fetishism. According to most experts (as well as my own informal but extensive research), it's mostly males who are aroused by female feet. Of course, gay and bisexual male foot fetishists do like men's feet, sometimes quite intensely. And some lesbians are turned on by women's feet. As for straight women, they might be turned on by a man's feet, and several ave deeply enjoyed pleasuring their male partners' feet at our Foot Fetish Salons. But women very rarely lust after men's feet, at least not to the fetishistic extent that so many guys lust after ladies' feet. Thus, when I speak of foot fetishists, I usually refer to them as male.

What do foot fetishists like about feet? Preferences for foot types vary. Some crave big giantess feet, though most go for small and dainty. Some like dirty feet, though most prefer clean. Some like feet of a particular race, tanned feet, athletic feet, high arches, polished toe nails, high heels, leather boots, sandals, stockings, toe cleavage or toe rings. Some adore massaging, pampering and pedicuring feet. Others want to be walked on. There are foot-lickers, toe-suckers, heel-sniffers, arch-ticklers and Imelda Marcos types just into shoes. Some go for stockings, often relishing the powerful aroma of just-worn nylons. Some couples do 69, but instead of having oral sex, they suck each other's toes. Some guys love to masturbate against a woman's foot, or use her big toe like a butt plug. Others are into foot bondage; they like to tie feet up and torture or tickle them.

Still others are "crush" or "squish" fetishists. They like to watch women step in things, or on things like grapes, jello, dolls, bugs. Their ultimate fantasy is to be mashed under the foot of a "50-foot woman," but since that - if it were possible - would be terminal, they satisfy their lust by voyeuristically watching ladies' feet wreak destruction on other crushable items. Usually these items are inanimate objects, fruits, vegetables or eggs, though occasionally they can involve crushing living creatures such as insects or mice. This is where I personally draw the line, as it involves torturing and killing defenseless animals. Though I do love the crush-lovers who keep their fetish to fruits and veggies. I've had tremendous fun stomping on grapes or squishing my toes through cake and then letting a foot lover or two lick and suck it all off.

Foot Lovers vs. Foot Fetishists

What makes a foot lover a foot fetishist? Both the intensity and exclusivity of the desire. If you'd rather have sex with your lover's feet than any other body parts, or if you must focus on feet to reach orgasm, or if you'd usually rather screw a shoe than a person, you're a foot fetishist. The technical term is "podophiliac." If you are turned on by attractive feet or sexy shoes, but your sexuality doesn't completely revolve around them, you're more what I'd call a foot lover, a foot appreciator, or maybe you just playing footsie. You don't have to be a certifiable foot fetishist to appreciate feet, or to enjoy having your feet appreciated.

In the classic sense, a "fetishist" invests god-like magical powers into the fetish object. The true foot fetishist objectifies, glorifies and downright deifies the foot, or shoe, or the foot in the shoe, with or without the stocking, being licked, caressed, massaged, worshipped, tickled, bedecked in jewels or stepping on something squishy.

Roots of a Foot Fetish

Why do foot fetishists fetishize feet? For as many different reasons as there are different foot fetishists. But typically, fetishes begin in early childhood. As a toddler toddles and crawls, exploring the world, feet are often the first part of Mommy that he encounters. There is a theory that says that if a mother doesn't pick up and hold a child very often, his main physical contact with her will be with her feet; thus, he is more likely to develop a foot fetish. This is by no means a hard and fast rule, just a theory.

Intense childhood experiences with the feet of other relatives, like older sisters or cousins, as well as friends and, most notoriously, babysitters, may also lead one to become a foot fetishist. Mothers, beware the babysitter with the pretty pedicured toes, strappy sandals and an attitude; she may inspire your child to like feet! On second thought, what's so terrible if your kid likes feet? You could do worse. As long as he's capable of love - and if you love him, hold him and give him affection, he'll probably be capable of love - what difference does it make if he's into feet or breasts, armpits or elbows?

But what about those foot fetishists who are so obsessed with feet that they truly can't get above the ankle, and love a whole human being? One reason fetishists become *obsessed* is they feel that their interest in feet is wrong. Whenever we feel that something we crave sexually is wrong or shameful, it becomes ultra-exciting in a naughty way. But it also becomes frustrating and disturbing, as we can't integrate it into our everyday lives. Ultimately, it makes us feel bad about ourselves, sometimes even incapable of love. Most sex criminals have desires they feel ashamed of. Even if you've never done anything illegal, if you're deeply ashamed of your sexuality - whether you're a foot fetishist or just a garden variety sex maniac - your love life is bound to be troubled.

Sharing Your Foot Fetish with Someone You Love

So many foot fetishists are married to women with whom they never share their desire. Why not? They're ashamed to reveal their true feelings. And the real shame is that some of their wives would enjoy a nice foot rub or foot licking, if it's presented well. They might even enjoy wearing fetishistic shoes or stockings. They might even be closet "foot hedonists." But their husbands view their own erotic interest in feet as something perverted that they couldn't possibly share with someone they love.

If you have a foot fetish, I hope you can share it with someone you love. Some men are adamantly against this. They wouldn't want to share their foot fetish with their wives even if their wives wanted them to. Their foot fetish is an obsessive masturbatory interest, something they would only share with a therapist, phone sex worker, prostitute or dominatrix, not a wife or girlfriend. These men generally feel tremendous shame about their feelings and are afraid to share them with someone they really care about. They can be mortally afraid of being rejected by wives or girlfriends for being "perverted" or having a "fetish."

There are simple, effective ways of introducing your foot fetish to the lady in your life without much risk of rejection or humiliation. You probably shouldn't call it a "fetish" that sounds kind of scary to most people. But you can use creative and sensuous ways to integrate your favorite forms of foot play into your lovemaking.

For example, if you've just gone on a long hike with a lady, offer to give her a foot massage. Most women won't refuse a nice foot rub. You might wash her feet first, if they're sweaty and you prefer clean feet. Foot washing is a sensuous, loving activity. Even Jesus washed the feet of his disciples before the Last Supper. As you massage her toes, you can tell her how beautiful they are. If she reacts well to the compliment, try going further. Give her big toe a little kiss. Seduce her feet gradually, and they will fall in love with you. That's how my own feet fell in love with my Max, and the rest of me soon followed.

What About Shoes and Boots?

A fetish for shoes or boots also tends to be conditioned in early childhood or adolescence, just like the fetish for feet and most other things.. By the way, the shoe fetish is not limited to humans. At least one male chimpanzee raised in captivity developed a bit of a shoe fetish, masturbating obsessively by rubbing his caretaker's leather boot. Boot Time for Bonzo, indeed.

High heels are the most fetishized type of shoe. They began with Catherine de Medici, a 16th century Italian who married Henry II of France. The petite Catherine had shoes custom-designed to give her height, starting a high heel rage among the French. A fetish often starts as a fashion. High heels go both ways. They started as a fashion in the 1700s, and became a fetish, probably around the 1800s. But then fetishistic shoes often become quite fashionable, sometimes worn by young ladies who don't have the slightest idea that they are wearing objects of intense fetishistic desire on their innocent feet.

Submissive men find the extremely spiked heel menacingly arousing, like a lethal feminine weapon. Sadomasochistic pictorials often show a woman's stiletto resting on the neck or genitals of a submissive male. A shoe slave might adore the smell of the leather shoe mixed with a woman's foot smell. He might enjoy licking his mistress's boots or crave being humiliated by having a shoe strapped around his face or a high heel "force" into his anus.

Dominant men also tend to like high heels, but for totally different reasons. A dominant male might like the way that high heels alter a woman's posture, creating a more dramatic curve of the spine that makes her butt and calves seem rounder, her thighs seem thinner, her breasts stick out, and gives her hips that sexy sway when she walks. This precarious "wiggly walk" appeals to the traditional man's desire to protect a fragile woman, or maybe to pounce on her. After all, how far can she run? Those first Italian leather heels were so difficult to maneuver in that male escorts had to carry high-heeled ladies up and down stairs. High heels are much easier to walk in nowadays, and they still have a way of compelling a gentleman to be gallant or aggressive. Many men and women are aroused by frailty in the object of their desire. Politically incorrect as it may be, this is part of our prehistoric predatory attraction to the weak, and it underlies the feeling of power that many men feel when they see a woman in precarious high heels.

Many foot fanciers love sandals, combining the leather shoe with naked toes. The sandal fetish is as old as the Bible. "How beautiful are thy feet in sandals" is a line from the erotic lovers' dialogue in The Song of Songs, attributed to King Solomon who is said to have had 1000 wives. That's 2000 feet, 10,000 toes - wow, there must have been some bill from the palace pedicurist!

Bound Feet

The Chinese have had the longest, most controversial love affair with feet. Foot-binding was practiced from the T'ang Dynasty in the 10th century through the 1930's. A girl's feet were first bound at age five or so, continuing until they quit growing at around 18. This resulted in a foot about 2" wide and 4" long, with a very soft curved sole that made walking extremely difficult. There are a few theories about the popularity of foot-binding. The binding of a woman's feet certainly made her more dependent and, as mentioned, many men are aroused by feminine fragility. Indeed, bound feet were a status symbol, like the aristocratic Chinese man's long fingernails; both handicaps attributed to the wealthy, leisurely life.

There were various erotic purposes for these soft bowed little feet, crippled as they were. Women masturbated by rubbing their feet together. Lesbians maneuvered their feet into each other's vaginas. Men indulged in licking these podophilic delicacies, being brought to orgasm by a woman's curved arches, and performing fellatio on her big toe. Well, I suppose there are a few odd benefits to bound feet, but, all in all, I prefer being able to walk.

It isn't only the old Chinese that appreciate "bound feet"; Many Western foot fetishists enjoy tying up a woman's pretty feet, often in intricate ways, such as with toes tied apart. A foot sadist would like to torture the lady's feet. A tickle fetishist would prefer to tickle the feet, perhaps with his fingers or some other tickling instrument. A milder, more sensuous form of foot-tickling may be done with a feather. Sadistic foot-ticklers derive pleasure from tickling a victim's feet until he or she is gasping for breath or screaming with laughter. For a tickler, the sounds of the lady's shrieks and giggles are just as arousing as the sight of her helpless feet.

Foot Hedonism

As for me, I am what I call a "foot hedonist." I love to have my feet pleasured, in part, because I step all on them all the time, squeezing them into heels, dancing all over them, and it feels so good to have them treated well. I have also noticed that the best foot love makes the rest of me feel better too. I enjoy having my feet bathed, massaged, rubbed with oil, kissed and adored. Sometimes the pleasure does involve considerable pain, as in when I get my feet massaged, though the end result of a good result massage is a tremendous feeling of release, comparable to the release one feels after orgasm. I call myself a foot hedonist because - orgasmic pleasure or healing pain - I enjoy having erotic attention paid to my feet.

Foot hedonists like me are often attracted to foot lovers like Max. If you're a sensuous foot fetishist, you would do well to seek out a foot hedonist who would appreciate your interest in feet. But to serve a foot hedonist well, you must be sensitive to the needs of her feet, not just totally wrapped up in your own foot fetish.

Foot Massage

Whether you're a true foot worshipper or just an average sex fiend, foot massage is a superb aphrodisiac. Often, when I think I'm too tired or tense for sex, all Max has to do is massage my little tootsies and I get wetter and hotter than an oil slick in August.

Foot massage is also a great way to be sensual without getting directly sexual on a date. As a first move, it's pretty rude for a dude to say "May I squeeze your breasts?" But it's quite all right to say "May I give you a foot massage?" Especially if you've just gone out dancing. And it's good for you! Reflexology and shiatsu are massage systems based upon the tiny electrical reflexes on the bottoms of your feet which correspond to parts of your body. When you massage one of these pressure points, you stimulate the analogous body part with healing energy.

It's an excellent tension releaser. Sometimes screamingly so. When Max massages my toes after a stressful day, I shriek to high heaven! Max doesn't just rub my feet; he rolfs them; the neighbors probably think he beats me. Sometimes I feel obliged to yell: "He's not beating me! He's massaging my feet!" It's kind of embarrassing, but truly amazing. When I have a headache or stomach ailment, it usually vanishes when Max massages my feet. Then he gets aroused, and we have sex.

Here's a helpful hint for footlickers: If you want to suck your lover's toes, but she's just too ticklish to take it, try massaging her foot first. This tends to relax it so it won't go into shock when it goes in your mouth. Sometimes, when I'm getting my big toe rubbed and sucked just right, I have a positively orgasmic response. I call it a "toegasm." And if Max is pleasuring my foot while I'm masturbating, I have an orgasmic-toegasmic climax that takes me over the moon and a few other planets as well.

For a sensual foot massage, use oil or lotion. Every foot lover has a favorite lubricant. Baby oil, almond oil, aloe vera cream are a few popular foot lubricants. Mary Magdalene used myrrh on Jesus' feet. Try flavored oil so you can suck your lover's toes after rubbing. Foot pleasuring is an ancient art. And foot massage is one of the most perfect safe sex activities; it's healthy, sexy and doesn't involve an exchange of body fluids - unless your feet are really sweaty.

Smelling and Tasting the Feet

Speaking of sweat, foot-sniffing excites many foot lovers. Some foot-sniffers like it because it smells really good, while others want feet to smell really "bad." For shoe enthusiasts, the smell of the shoe - that heady mixture of sweat and leather or rubber - can be extremely arousing.

Smelling, of course, can lead to eating. Max loves eating various foods off of my feet. I cover my toes with caviar and sour cream, chocolate syrup or honey, and he licks it right up, savoring each saucy digit. His favorite podophilic cuisine is toes dipped in cocktail sauce with fresh shrimps in between, a succulent hors d'oeuvre before a full meal of sex. Since "shrimping" is slang for toe-sucking, we call this a "shrimping cocktail." At our Foot Fetish Salons, we'll have shrimping cocktails and "Tequila Toe Shots": rub salt and lime on the toes, then suck them off and down your shot. Olé!

Toe-Sucking

Many foot fetishists are into toe-sucking. If you're into feet, then there's just something inherently suckable about a toe. Is it because toe-sucking is akin to sucking a large nipple? Or a small penis? For some men, sucking a lady's big toe is a surrogate for sucking another man's big cock. These men might have homoerotic oral desires that, for one reason or another, they can't or just don't express with men. They channel their desire to be with a man into the sucking of a woman's toe. Does this mean that a man who enjoys sucking women's toes "should" be sucking a man's cock? Maybe, maybe not; it depends on the individual.

Foot Slavery

What about foot slaves? A foot slave - usually a he; sometimes a she - loves to be at the feet of his mistress or master, considering this to be his proper place in life. He surrenders himself - body, mind and soul - to his mistress's feet, with or without the shoes or stockings, depending on the preferences of the mistress and slave. Of course, a woman's foot is literally the lowest part of her body. Kissing her foot can be humiliating, which is part of the thrill. Since ancient times, the kissing of the foot has been a sign of submission. The foot slave is happy to humble himself like that, to kiss her foot, even the bottom of her shoe, while groveling before her, lying prostrate on the ground, as low as he can go.

Some foot slaves enjoy having the mistress walk on them, sometimes in spiked heels, as if to say, "I'm only worthy of being trampled beneath your feet." A mistress might kick her foot slave if he's "bad," demand he clean her boots with his tongue, or give her a pedicure. If he does a good job, she could reward him by rubbing his throbbing member with the soft sole of her foot, or placing it between her heel and backless slipper.

Some foot slaves exhibit a reverent devotion to the feet of their mistress, their goddess. Their worship is only partly sexual. Some adhere to über-feminist philosophies; believing women to be superior to men. They feel that since most women are not as violent as most men, males need to feel the controlling influence of a female foot on them every so often. The feminist male foot slave surrenders himself to the civilizing, sexual power of Woman via his mistress' foot or boot, going beyond roleplay into sexual politics. With a philosophy like that, it seems that every feminist should have a foot slave! And every feminist could; there are more than enough foot slaves to go around.

Playing Footsie

Foot fetishism can be a very serious matter. But feet can be fun. Feet can be sweet. Who hasn't played the piggies game? Some people enjoy foot sex just because it's not serious, but kind of silly and childlike, much more innocent than adult genitalia. Max likes to talk to each of my toes as he plays with them, treating all ten as individual "girls" with distinct personalities. He handles them like puppets in a Punch & Judy Show with the rest of my foot as the stage. Maybe he should do an act: A Foot Lover & His Favorite Foot...

Foot hedonists like me tend to be playful with our feet. Sometimes, I use my feet like I might use my hands to play with, stroke and even spank Max while we make love. I like to caress his muscular butt with my foot while he goes down on me, and give it a good foot-spanking when I want him to lick me faster.

Whew, all this foot talk is making my toes curl!

I hope this essay has shed some light on your podophilic interests. If you want to attend our next Foot Fetish Salon, coming soon to the Dr. Susan Block Institute, or if you'd just like to find out more about your personal foot fetish, drop me a line or call me at [callinfo].

In the meantime...Love your feet. Love your life. I love you.

by Dr. Susan Block

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DO YOU HAVE A FETISH? Do You Need To Talk About It? For Excellent Phone Sex Therapy for Your Fetish Analysis, Treatment, Fantasy Roleplay, Guidance, Help Call The Dr. Susan Block Institute Anytime at [callus].

The word "fetish" is now quite faddish. We have fetish fashions, fetish games and fetish balls. But what really is a fetish in the classic sense? A fetish is a profound erotic desire for something; it could be a boot, a breast or a burqa. One could also have a fetish for an activity, such as watching, being watched, spanking or being spanked. One can even have a fetish for a concept, like fame, or a feeling, like love. Whatever the fetish object, the fetishist invests in it great power, sometimes great sexual power, sometimes great religious power, sometimes both.

In the classic sense, the sexual fetishist needs the fetish object - or at least, some kind of fantasy of the fetish object - in order to have sex. Psychologists call this a "paraphilia." The male needs the fetish object to get an erection. For the female, sexual arousal and fetishism are always a little more mysterious and difficult to pinpoint. Let's just say the female fetishist needs the fetish object to enjoy sex.

Male or female, the fetishist objectifies, glorifies and downright deifies the object, body part, behavior or concept of his or her fetish, above and beyond any mere human being. Take the foot fetishist. For him - or her, but usually him - a beautiful foot is the Foot of the Goddess. In fact, the foot itself is the Goddess. For the leather fetishist, the smell, look and feel of leather is just heavenly, intoxicating, powerful. Then there are the pain fetishists, the martyrs, the bad boys and naughty girls who crave being punished, restrained, tied up, spanked, sometimes even tortured. Often, they fetishize childhood. Many of our fetishes stem from early childhood or adolescence. They seem to have come from intense, often traumatic personal experiences that left an impression on us at a time when we were very impressionable.

But fashion can also be a source of fetishes, and fetishes can be very fashionable. Not all fetishes are in fashion all the time, of course, and the people who struggle most with *fetish guilt,* who worry that they're "weird," are the ones with the unfashionable fetishes. "Am I normal?" is the most common question I get on the air and in my private practice. Many an otherwise healthy fetishist’s entire sense of angst stems from little more than being acutely out of fashion. A typical example would be men who like to wear stockings and heels, but happen to live in the 21st century, as opposed to the 18th century when many manly gentlemen, like George Washington and Thomas Jefferson, wore stockings and heels.

What else can be a fetish? Just about anything. But not anything. What do you think of when you hear the word "fetish" ? What images come to your mind? Do you have a fetish? Do you know someone who does? Do they enjoy their fetish, or do they have problems with it, or maybe a little bit of both?

Fetish Types

Essentially, there are four types of fetish:

Body Parts Inanimate Objects Activities Feelings or Ideas

Body Part Fetishists worship parts of the human body, like feet, buns, legs, hair, lips, bellybuttons, fingernails, sperm or female ejaculate. Probably the most common body part fetish, at least in America, is the breast fetish. Many an otherwise reasonable man's life virtually revolves around his pursuit of the perfect boob - big or small, but usually big. Most *breast men* snort with denial if someone suggests that their keen interest in women's racks might have something to do with their desire to be tiny infants suckling up to Mommy. But what do they know?

The exaltation of the female bosom as a sex symbol, as opposed to a maternal image, is pervasive in our society, making it one of the most acceptable contemporary fetishes, so ubiquitous it's barely considered a fetish. Yet it is a fetish, since breasts are far more essential to nurturing than to sex. And therein lies the infantile origin of the breast fetish. That deep need we all have for deep nurturance. Sustenance. Comfort. Food. The breast is food, after all. It is that unique part of a woman's body that actually creates food, the milk of life and love - and fetishes.

Object Fetishists prefer to be intimate with inanimate objects. Unlike body parts, they are not attached to actual human beings with feelings and personalities that could get in the way of the fetishist's intense erotic adoration and enjoyment. The objects of their desire often function as *surrogates* for corresponding body parts, i.e., the bra instead of the breast, the shoe instead of the foot, the panties instead of the vulva and vagina, the rubber or latex instead of the skin, the dildo instead of the penis. Some common fetish objects include high heels, boots, stockings, pantyhose, panties, leather, rubber, latex, fur (real or fake), corsets, collars and hats.

Object fetishists often become collectors of their favorite fetish objects. They can get into trouble if part of their fetish is to steal other people's things, of course. But object fetishists are usually quite harmless. And they can be as happy playing with their fetish objects as a child playing with toys. Sometimes the fetish object puts the fetishist into a trance state that he can only be released from with orgasm

Many people are possessed by a fetishistic desire for money, which could be considered a combination object/conceptual fetish. In fact, money might be the most popular female fetish, next to love. How is money a fetish? Because many people, especially some women, can't enjoy sex unless they're being paid in some way, or unless they envision a pay-off in the future. If that's not a fetish, I'll eat my high-heeled boot.<

Activity Fetishists love to make things happen. The voyeurs who fetishize watching are what I call "action fetishists," as are the exhibitionists who fetishize being watched. So are oral and anal sex fetishists, obsessive masturbators of every stroke and style, as well as Doms and Dommes and their slaves and maids. There are bondage fetishists who fetishize shackles and gags. There are pain and humiliation fetishists, like Brother Love who visited my show and couldn't get aroused, even though a beautiful porn star was giving him oral sex and wanted to have intercourse with him. He could only attain an erection and ejaculate when he was kicked hard in the balls and given a golden shower.

Feeling or Conceptual Fetishes tend to be more socially acceptable. At least, feeling fetishists don't get caught hoarding shoes. But they are potentially just as compulsive. Adrenaline Junkies fetishize danger. Hopeless Romantics fetishize love. Drama Queens fetishize suffering. Terrorists fetishize violence. Fascists fetishize power. Henry Kissenger once said "Power is the greatest aphrodisiac." For a power fetishist like him, it most certainly is.

Many fetishists are a mix. For instance, an exhibitionist (action fetish) may enjoy being forced (conceptual or feeling fetish) by a mistress to wear her pantyhose (object fetish).

Marriage is the most socially sanctioned fetish of all. Many people won't have sex until they're married. This is so common and acceptable that it's not considered a fetish. But it fits the definition, especially for some women. Marriage fetishists don't feel comfortable having sex without a wedding ring or at least the promise of one. So what happens if and when the thrill is gone? Different people in different cultures have different ways of working it out. Some marriage fetishists get divorced and then get married again, and again and again. Or if they're in Utah, they sometimes don't even get the divorce; they just get married again. Or they stay married and have affairs. But marriage can certainly be a fetish. It can also be The Anti-Fetish. That is, many fetishists feel they absolutely cannot enjoy their fetish with the person to whom they are married.

Theories of Sexual Fetishism

But back to the classics: bondage, sadism, masochism, transvestitism, psychrocism (that's being aroused by the cold). The origin of fetish terms like these lies in the works of 19th century psychologists Alfred Binet, Havelock Ellis and, perhaps especially, Richard von Krafft-Ebing. In his Psychopathia Sexualis of 1885, Krafft-Ebing was the first doctor to recognize the difficulty of drawing the line between fetish and "normal" sex when he said most lovers engage in "horseplay...just for fun" and that doesn't make them sado-masochists.

In 1920, pioneering German sexologist Magnus Hirschfeld proposed his "theory of partial attractiveness," according to which, sexual attractiveness was the product of the interactionn of various factors within an individual. He argued that nearly everyone had special interests that could be considered "healthy fetishes," while only a small percentage of the population obsessed about one thing enough to be considered a paraphiliac.

In 1927, Freud built upon Ellis' idea that fetishes began in childhood, theorizing that fetishism was the result of early psychological trauma. He wrote about a foot fetishist who, as a little boy, was shocked to learn that his mother had no penis. In fact, he was disturbed to the point of wondering if he might lose his own, developing castration anxiety. Then he discovered his mother's foot. To overcome his fear of losing his manhood, he obsessed about his mother's foot (a penis substitute), and became a foot fetishist.

Nowadays, the word "fetish" is so trendy, it's almost meaningless. It usually is used to mean "sexual interest," not the classical paraphiliac fetishist who absolutely cannot perform or enjoy sex without incorporating the fetish. Now, all kinds of people go to Fetish Balls, dress up in corsets, leather, latex, 8-inch heels, pointy toed boots and other trappings of fetish fashion. Here we are leaving the psychologically disordered realm of paraphilias and entering the much wider world of sexual orientation, experimentation and preference. Nevertheless, you can certainly meet a dangerous paraphiliac at a Fetish Ball, just as you can meet a sociopath in your friendly neighborhood bar.

A couple years ago, I was on Discovery Health Channel's "Berman & Berman Show" - which is very hot if you've got a fetish for perky female doctors who are also sisters (throwing a pinch of the incest fetish into the mix here) - and the subject was fetishes. Their most urgent question was (surprise, surprise): Is this normal? Can true diehard fetishists have "normal" sex lives? I was tempted to say, "No, Drs Berman & Berman, your exhibitionist-voyeur fetish that you expose through your own teasterama TV show is NOT normal; it's perverse, and you need intensive treatment now. So get down on your knees, buns in the air, and suck my high-heeled sandals." I was wearing these very fetishistic leopard print 5-inch-heeled sandals." But I didn't say that; I'm just not sadistic enough. So I told them the truth, "Yes, fetishists can have what we call normal lives: Just incorporate the fetish into your life in a positive way."

But can your marriage actually benefit by exploring your fetish? Well, it usually beats the alternative, i.e., repressing it so that one of you runs into the arms of a lover or over the knee of a dominatrix. Exploring fetishes is risky business, like any great adventure. But I've seen many couples do very well with it, especially if they are intelligent and communicative. I've even seen some who resolve their issues with rage, peacefully and relatively safely by channeling their violent impulses through playing responsible S&M games together. It can even help to reduce domestic violence... It's the Bonobo Way.

Well, the way I explore fetishes, it's the Bonobo Way. But that's not always the way. Some people have a fetish for torture – nonconsensual torture. Of course, this is very dangerous, to you, to your victim, to the country, to the world - and not good clean fetish fun. "Dubyaism," as I define it, is a fetish for dark, deadly activity, accompanied by a sick, frat-boy sense of humor. Not that these types of fetishistic torture - dominance & submission, sensory deprivation, being forced to wear hoods - can be erotic when performed consensually. The key is consensuality. Or, to use less clinical terms: The key is love and respect for the other person as a human being.

Yet part of the whole idea - and the fun - of fetish is to dehumanize your partner, making him or her into a sex object, a role in your fantasies, a god or goddess, a slave or captive, a student or teacher. That why a healthy fetish-filled life balances this intensive fantasy play with a strong recognition of the humanity of your partner.

Fetish Therapy

Can you become addicted to a fetish? Of course! Anything pleasurable in life can be addictive. The best things in life are addictive. One key question is: Does your fetish enhance your life or make it more difficult?

There are a variety of treatments for difficult fetishes, including cognitive therapy, psychoanalysis, aversion therapy and medication. The clergy of all the various religions also have their own form of "treatment" or counseling for fetishes that their religion deems improper. None of these methods actually gets rid of a fetish, no matter how undesirable, especially if the fetish stems from childhood or adolescence. But therapy can help to reduce dangerous or embarrassing fetish-related activity. It can also help the fetishist/patient develop a healthier, more positive approach to the fetish.

My own brand of "fetish therapy" involves three main areas of work:

1) Talking about the fetish. Like psychoanalysis, therapist and patient talk about the origins of the fetish in the patient's early and later life, its manifestations in dreams and fantasies, and positive and negative forms of expression in the patient's real life. Though the work is primarily focused on the patient, of course, it may also involve the therapist sharing his or her own experiences with the fetish to help the patient gain greater insight, as well as to help him to feel more comfortable expressing his own feelings.

2) Roleplaying various scenarios that involve the fetish. Roleplaying, over the telephone or in person, helps both the therapist and the patient to learn more about the fetish through mentally and physically stimulating exploration and play. This can be very pleasurable for the patient, it can be painful, or a combination of pleasure and pain. These sexual psychodramas may lead to the goal of #3, but they can be valuable experiences in and of themselves. The goal is the journey.

3) Channeling fetishistic urges into positive actions. If there is a goal of fetish therapy, it is to learn to channel obsessive fetishistic desires into behaviors and activities that are not likely to harm the patient or others, and may even be beneficial in ways that go beyond scratching the itch of the fetish. "Harm" can range from physically hurting oneself or others to damaging relationships. Benefit can range from enjoying simple, basic, relatively guilt-free, sexual release in the midst of exciting fetishistic activity to developing deeper connections with one's significant other to creating works of art. Thus, a panty fetishist might go from stealing his friend's sister's panties to buying his own to sharing panties with a girlfriend to designing his own award-winning lingerie line.

A fetish can be an awful sexual liability, or it can be a doorway that opens up to an awesome sexual heaven on earth.

Need to Talk about Squirting? Call Us Now: [callus]

Secrets, Stories & Techniques of G-Spot Female Ejaculation

What is Squirting?

One of the great sexual wonders of the world is Female Ejaculation. Called by a variety of names, from the poetic to the worshipful to the crass, it is the Nectar of Aphrodite, the waterfall of womanhood, the champagne of sexuality, a broken fire hydrant, the ultimate orgasm, the geyser of desire. Squirting! Spurting! Spraying! Gushing... Healing as Holy Water, sexy as sin, it's good for the soul, not to mention the skin. Luminous as a sparkling spring, threatening as a flood of feelings, female ejaculation is carnal proof that a woman's ability to hit her lover right between the eyes when she comes is equal to that of a man. Thus, its importance is not only erotic, but political, as it is a tangible, palatable (i.e., delicious!), orgasmic symbol of female sexual power.

Often, female ejaculation is even more profuse and forceful than the male variety. Not everyone finds it erotic. Some are repulsed or threatened by the Raging Waters of Venus. Some women squirt naturally, some never do squirt at all, still others learn how to do it. Though female ejaculation is older than humanity, it is on a new frontier of female sexuality. Both women and men are expressing greater and greater interest in it. As a sex therapist, I get asked these questions more and more on my show and in my private practice: How can I squirt? How can I help my partner to squirt? The *meme* of "squirting" is veritably flooding the world. So, batten down the hatches! Better yet, ladies: uncork your champagne! Gentlemen: get ready to get soaked! If the squirting wave hasn't yet engulfed your neighborhood, it's on its way to bursting out of the closet (the water closet?), and drenching a bed near you.

When I first discovered the phenomenon of G-spot female ejaculation orgasms, I was intrigued, excited, mystified and challenged. As a sex therapist, I wanted to understand it. As a woman, I wanted to experience it. This essay is about both. It is a journey into the eye of a sexual hurricane, a trip into inner space, delving into the deep sensations, as well as the anatomy, history, technique, spirituality, relationship issues, controversies, culture, comedy and sheer Dionysian-orgasmic release of squirting.

Is It Real?

Throughout Western history, prominent scientists have reported witnessing and experiencing the forceful release of fluids from the vagina during sexual activity. We can begin with the Western world's most famous ancient scientist, Aristotle, who wrote about the phenomenon of women's vaginal expulsions during sex, maintaining that they did not have the appearance or aroma of urine, nor did they stain the lady's toga.

In the first century, the Greek Hippocratic "Father of Medicine" Galen, described the "fluid in the female prostate" as thinner than in males. In the 1500's, the Italian anatomist and surgeon Realdo Colombo, who claimed to have discovered the clitoris which he called "the sweetness of Venus," wrote about female fluid "rushing out" and "coming in one gush" from a woman in a state of sexual excitement. The first modern description of female ejaculation came from the Netherlands, which is not so surprising as the Dutch have long been open-minded about sex. In the 17th century, Dr. Regnier DeGraaf wrote about the urethra being pierced by ducts through which fluids are discharged, "occasionally in large quantities." In 1880, Dr. Alexander Skene found two glands in the urethra that emit prostate fluid. These are now called the Skene's glands.

In the 1940s, American gynecologist Dr. Arnold Kegal discovered that if a woman has a strong PC, she is less likely to suffer from urinary incontinence. Just in case you don't know, the PC is not politically correct (on the contrary!), nor is it a personal computer. The PC is the pubococcygeus, also known as the "sex muscle," right between the genitals and the anus. This is the muscle you squeeze to stop yourself from peeing. Both men and women have PC muscles, and both benefit from squeezing and releasing them in what's known as a Kegel exercise. Whatever your gender or genitalia, squeezing and releasing your PC muscle helps you to have bigger, stronger orgasm with and without squirting.

In 1950, a German obstetrician, Dr. Ernest Grafenberg found a very sensitive spot inside the vagina which he immediately named after himself: the G-spot, handily located just an inch or so up from the entrance on the side of the vagina closest to a woman's abdomen. Dr. Grafenberg found that stimulation of the G-spot could lead to expulsion of fluid from the urethra. "Large quantities of a clear, transparent fluid expelled not from the vulva, but out of the urethra in gushes," gushed Dr. G. "At first, I thought that the bladder sphincter had become defective by the intensity of the orgasm. But," he continued, "the fluid was examined and it had no urinary character (rather it was) secretions of the intra-urethral glands correlated with the erotogenic zone along the urethra in the anterior vaginal wall." Sounds like Mrs. G was a gusher."

Despite Dr. G's discoveries, G-spot fever didn't take hold of 1950s Western society. Even the sex-positive feminists of the sexual revolution of the 1960s and 70s pretty much ignored it. Feminists proclaimed women's essential equality with men in and out of the bedroom, but somehow missed the fact that a woman can squirt like a man, sometimes with even greater force. Most women who did ejaculate were quiet about it, often mistaking it for urination.

In the 1980s, the bestselling book The G-Spot by Dr. Alice Kahn Ladas, Dr. Beverly Whipple and Dr. John Perry, broke through the dykes, and a wealth of information about women's sexuality, including G-spot orgasm and female ejaculation, gushed forth. Since the 1990's, several studies have been done by Perry and Whipple, as well as Dr. Milan Zaviacic, Dr. Gary Schubach and Dr. Cabello Santamaria, regarding the liquid expelled during female ejaculation to determine the chemical makeup. According to Wikipedia, the expelled fluid has been found to contain fructose and sucrose, two natural forms of sugar. It also includes very low levels of creatinine and urea (the two primary chemical components of urine, found in high levels in pre- and post-ejaculatory urinalysis). Most interestingly, it contains prostate-specific antigen (PSA), the fluid produced by males in the prostate gland, which forms the base of male ejaculate. In females, it is generated by the Skene's glands which are located in the G-spot. That's why some people, including world-renowned FE expert Deborah Sundahl, author of Female Ejaculation & the G-Spot, and featured in BlockFilms' award-winning DVD Dr. Suzy's Squirt Salon(s), call the G-spot the "female prostate."

In Eastern history, female ejaculation and the G-spot have long been recognized as important aspects of normal female sexuality. Tantric sex practitioners often refer to the G-spot as the Goddess Spot or sacred spot. They call the fluid "amrita," the nectar of the gods. The Kama Sutra is almost certainly referring to female ejaculation when it says "The semen of women continues to fall from the beginning of the sexual union to its end." Images of women ejaculating are carved into Buddhist and Hindu temples, along with other erotic sculptures. Japanese woodcuts show women squirting into bowls in ecstasy. Many East Asian men and women drank female ejaculate for its supposed aphrodisiac and rejuvenating qualities.

A Storm of Controversy

Despite the scientific evidence, the medical establishment has long been extremely dubious about female ejaculation. Over the years, the subject of G-spot female ejaculation has stimulated a veritable thunderstorm of debate among sex researchers, doctors, sex educators, porn stars, lovers, husbands and wives. Detractors insist that there is no G-spot, that women who squirt during orgasm are just peeing while they're coming, and all this hoopla over G-spot female ejaculation is nothing but a glorified golden shower.

But those of us who have experienced the power and glory of G-spot female ejaculation - giving or receiving - know that it exists. This is not a matter of faith; this is the science of sex. Squirting orgasms have been documented, researched and chemically analyzed. In that regard, my own experience, as well as my video-study in female ejaculation, Dr. Suzy's Squirt Salon(s) provided me with extremely strong evidence. Too bad film isn't something you can scratch and sniff, because then you would know that it doesn't smell like urine! But the pleasure and power of female ejaculation do come across onscreen. You can see it, you can hear, and you feel it. And it feels good.

This *feel-good* aspect of squirting is perhaps another reason that the naysayers have held sway over the years. Female ejaculation is a pure recreational pleasure that has no apparent direct role in procreation, except that women who squirt may, over the millennia, have procreated more, simply because we tend to enjoy sex more.

Skepticism about squirting goes from the lab to the bedroom. On one of the Squirt Salons, Rebecca, a part-Native American (Cherokee) woman called in from South Dakota. She had no trouble squirting; she'd been doing it almost all of her adult life and loved it. Her problem was getting her new boyfriend to enjoy it with her. In fact, he didn't even believe that it was real. He accused her of peeing on him, implying that she was being rude. My guest expert Deborah Sundahl and I tried to help Rebecca to navigate the challenges of sharing the pleasures of female ejaculation with a skeptical lover. First, do the smell test; comparing the aroma of female ejaculate with that of urine. Next, let him read the scientific literature on the subject.

In 2002, Dr. Emmanuele Jannini of Italy's L'Aquila University conducted a study that found that the Skene's gland openings vary in size from one woman to another, and some women appear not to have them at all. If Skene's glands do cause female ejaculation, this may explain why some women can do it profusely, while others can't at all, or just produce a little spurt (though a little spurt can feel mighty good!). According to other studies conducted by Dr. Cabello Santamaria, the phenomenon of "retrograde female ejaculation," where the fluid travels up the urethra towards the bladder, could also explain why many ladies can't or simply don't squirt. Many women, when they learn to ejaculate, realize that they have squirted in the past, but they haven't known what it was. Many have ejaculated into the toilet during or immediately after sex, assuming, of course, that they were peeing.

Female ejaculation is by no means "necessary" for female sexual pleasure. But it is a healthy, normal, natural feminine experience that some women have without even trying. But just because it's "natural" doesn't mean any woman can do it without help. Just as many women (like me), needed to learn how to have a *regular* orgasm, most of us need to learn how to ejaculate. We need to learn a combination of technique and relaxation. And guys who are interested need to learn how to help, if they really want to help.

Learning How to Squirt

Female Ejaculation is an everyday miracle. Just about every normal woman has the anatomy for it, but most don't do it. Moreover, the practice is veiled in mystery. Some porn films show it, but they don't explain what it is or how to do it. Sometimes they even use misleading tricks, like filling the woman's vagina with water that she then squirts out for the camera. Some sex education videos and books explain female ejaculation in much the same way that this essay tries to do, but they don't show it very well. Granted, it is difficult to explain. Thus, over the years, I have tried to create my own videos and literature that shows this process as clearly, and with us much fun and erotic delight, as possible.

I first heard the term "G-spot female ejaculation" from Deborah Sundahl back in 1992 at a Lifestyles Convention, having wandered into her seminar quite by accident. I had never heard of such a thing as women having "squirting" orgasms, at least not on purpose. Neither had anyone else in the seminar. It was something "new" and very exciting, but rather confusing and seemed way out of my personal realm-of-possibility, especially in a seminar like this, where we were sitting in rows of chairs as if we were in a biology class. I found Deborah to be quite charming and knowledgeable, and interviewed her on my show a couple of times, but didn't get an intimate lesson in squirting from her until 12 years later! In the meantime, I would encounter a slightly different approach to the art and science of female ejaculation.

The Braun Method

Years passed, and I didn't give much thought to female ejaculation until I met one of the most prominent, prolific, "hands-on" (and fingers in) modern crusaders for G-spot female ejaculation, Axel "The G-Man" Braun. Axel (now an award-winning director) is the handsome, nimble-fingered son of renowned Italian sex pioneer and filmmaker Lasse Braun. The elder Braun, an old friend of mine (now dearly departed), had written a booklet, The Nectar of Aphrodite, a sort of G-Spot Female Ejaculation Manifesto based upon his personal research into the phenomenon with 130 different women. Braun the Younger took his father's work into the next generation of ejaculation.

Axel has long boasted that he can "make any woman squirt." He almost lives up to his grandiose claim, having succeeded with 12 out of 15 of the women on whom he's tried his method at the Dr. Susan Block Institute, most notably the vivacious and juicy Shayna Knight. As for the other three: One was deadset against squirting at all; she wanted to prove him wrong, and she did. Another was sick with a 102 degree fever (on another occasion, when she was well, she did squirt). The third admitted that she was too worried about what her jealous boyfriend would think to relax and let anything happen. The other 12, myself among them, all squirted with Axel, even though we'd never squirted before.

The "Braun Method" is all in the finger action. It begins with the woman lying back, legs spread open, her partner (let's call him the "G-Man";) at her right side, if he is right-handed. After some sort of foreplay (kissing, oral sex, nipple play, rubbing the clitoris and labia, whatever gets her wet), the G-Man inserts two fingers into her vagina. Axel uses his middle and ring fingers for this, though you might prefer to use your middle and forefingers. Slowly, the G-Man moves his two fingers around inside of her, continuing the foreplay - rubbing her clit, playing with her nipples, lightly spanking her butt, etc. With probing fingers, he locates her G-Spot. He can feel it as a slightly raised, spongy, ridged bump on the "roof" of the vaginal cave. In most women, it is just behind the clitoris, and some experts consider it to be an extension of the clitoris. He then finds the center of this spot, pressing it gently but firmly. This pressure releases a warm flow of fluid, whereupon the G-Man begins vigorously "fingering" her, in and out of her vaginal opening, causing the rapid expulsion of fluid. That is, female ejaculation.

The first time Axel made me squirt was New Year's 2000. Talk about toasting the New Millennium with my own Cristal Ejaculate! I'd just done a New Year's show, plus received a particularly good whipping from Axel's Daddy Lasse on Mario Saucedo's Bondage Cross, and sat down and up a few times on Mario's Dildo Chair. All that wild "foreplay" mixed with a few flutes of champagne got me loosened and lubricated for adventure. While Lasse was whipping me, Axel was whispering into my ear that he wanted to make me squirt.

I'd seen several women ejaculate - Deborah, Kiss, Annie Sprinkle and Carol Queen, to name a few - but I'd never been able to do it myself, not that I'd really tried. I was also one of those skeptics who wondered if it wasn't just peeing while you're coming. Not that there's anything wrong with a nice golden shower, but well, that's just peeing.

But Axel and Lasse both, each commandeering one of my ears, promised me it wasn't just peeing. Moreover, Axel insisted he could make me squirt without my knowing how to do a thing. As soon as I agreed, Axel disappeared into the bathroom to wash up. Emerging with sleeves rolled up and hands raised, he looked like a surgeon about to operate, or a magician showing he had nothing up his sleeve.

Just to prove to myself that it wasn't urine, I took a nice long whiz right before sitting down with Axel. As I was already highly aroused and very wet thanks to all that whipping and whispering, Axel didn't have to do much in the way of foreplay. He slid his middle and ring fingers easily between my inner labia and into my vagina and immediately began probing around for my G-Spot. Once he located the raised spongy spot under the roof of my vaginal cave, he pressed it gently yet firmly. I felt a slight pinprick sensation, followed by a gushing feeling in my womb, at which point Axel began his dynamic forceful fingering technique. In and out, in and out. I felt like I was blacking out, but I could hear the oohing and ahhing of spectators around me. Actually, I felt kind of like a human washing machine (in a good way!) on rinse cycle. My eyes were closed, so I couldn't see myself squirt, but when I was done, everyone assured me that I had, indeed, ejaculated. I also noticed that Axel's arm and the towel I sat on, as well as the sofa under it, were soaked with my bountiful juices. Later, I looked at the video. Yes, indeed, there I was, squirting like a burst water pipe.

These juices did not smell like pee. They smelled like pussy.

As for the orgasm itself, it was intense, a little bit painful, and exhilarating like a roller coaster ride, leaving me breathless, dizzy and more than a little worn out. A few minutes afterwards, I found myself feeling hornier than usual and wound up having a lot of wild wet sex that night. No more squirting, but some of my deepest, longest, juiciest orgasms ever.

From 2000-2004, I experienced G-spot female ejaculation about a half dozen more times, all with the G-Man, a frequent guest at my Speakeasy. Though I couldn't yet squirt with my husband or other sexual partners, I noticed that my regular orgasms became stronger, longer and more frequent than ever, and I seemed to lubricate more easily and copiously than before.

Ivona's Way

During this time, I met Ivona Diamond. When Ivona came to the Dr. Susan Block Institute, she had never squirted before. One night after the show, Axel asked her if she'd like to try it. Ivona's boyfriend Larry went down on her as I played with her nipples. Then she let Axel's fingers do the walking, using the Braun Method to make her ejaculate forcefully within about 10 minutes. Ivona is a very sensuous, adventurous woman. So no one was too surprised when she let loose and squirted up a small tropical storm. Still it was a baptismal sexual revelation. Soon Ivona became a Squirting Star. She squirted for me at my birthday party and at the first show on my broadcast bed at a new building of ours. Just as they christen a new ship with champagne, we uncorked our own personal Sex Bubbly to kick off a new era for the show in our beautiful virgin space. She squirted on her own birthday and for Halloween. She squirts regularly at home too.

Ivona still enjoys G-spot female ejaculation according to the Braun Method, which Larry mastered along with oral sex. But Ivona taught herself to squirt quite profusely with no fingering at all. With nothing but the firm pressure of her favorite plug-in vibrator, Mr. Hitachi, on her clitoris, labia and pushed-out G-Spot, Ivona can spray like a turbo-charged sprinkler system in a matter of seconds.

How does she do it? Goddess only knows, but she does it almost every time. Some women are squirting naturals; they do it without even trying. In fact, if they haven't been educated about female ejaculation or if they have ignorant lovers, they may even be embarrassed about it, though, of course, they shouldn't be. Ivona's not exactly a natural. She didn't start squirting until the G-Man pressed her button. But she does practice and, at this point, she can pretty much squirt on command. Here's her essential routine: She lies down, head propped against pillows, legs bent and spread wide, buns raised up slightly off the bed. She lubricates her sizeable clitoris and abundant inner labia with her saliva (or Larry's), then pulls those big wet butterfly lips open, placing Mr. Hitachi's head right under her clitoris and over her spread labia. Then she presses Mr. Hitachi down, turning him on high speed, raising her butt, breathing deep, squeezing and releasing her kegel or pubococcygeous (PC) muscles and gently but firmly pushing out her G-spot so that it is stimulated by Mr. Hitachi. After a minute or two, or maybe at the most, three, her eyes squeeze shut and a high-pitched moan emerges from her throat. A second or two later, the geyser erupts. It lasts up to five seconds. The amount of ejaculate that she releases ranges from not much more than a sparkly spritz of pussy perfume to a dazzling, gushing tsunami of amrita. Her secret? Practice, she says. Also, she says it's easier to for her to squirt a lot when she hasn't done it for a couple of weeks. Just like guys.

Annie Body: Squirting Superstar

Most of us can only squirt once or twice in a session. Some women are squirters unlimited. Take the amazing Annie Body who made her first appearance on my show in February, 2002. It was a low-key night with no other guests and no studio audience. Just me, my staff and Annie. Ms. Body, with her horn-rimmed glasses, naturally faded jeans and form-fitting lavender and purple toe socks, looked more like a college biology major than the porn star she is. Little did I know that this sweet, petite, slightly nerdy-looking young lady would turn out to be one of my hottest, wettest, wildest guests ever, and I'd discover exciting aspects of female biology I'd never witnessed before.

At first, Annie just bounced around like a sexual puppy, licking me everywhere and doing it doggystyle with her friend AIN's Steve Nelson. But it wasn't long before we witnessed a rather remarkable aspect of Annie's body. That is, when Steve gently but firmly slapped her clitoris and swollen labia with his penis, she started squirting profusely. Wow! What a splash! I'd never seen a woman emit so much fluid! Steve could only cock-slap for so long, but Annie kept on squirting, like a backyard sprinkler. Then she let me do it. I'd never before made a woman squirt by my own hand! But I had no trouble making Annie squirt, spray, ejaculate and come like the Trevi Fountain over and over again, just by lightly slapping her engorged vulva.. I must admit it was a thrill, and I gave Annie a big hug and kiss for making it so easy for me.. She was ecstatic because, she said, this was only the second time she'd squirted in her life! I wasn't sure what to make of that. But I felt this was indeed a very special occasion. All that squirting made Annie thirsty. She took a long slurp of ice water and spit it out, reminding me of how much squirting is like spitting. Her saliva traveled across the bed like a cruise missile, hitting Steve in just the right spot. Then she went, lickety-spit to lick up her spit, and wound up giving him a very nice blowjob.

That, of course, is another story. I didn't see Annie again until 2004 when she came back to squirt even more voluminously on several shows in succession, including "Bonobos and Missionaries in the Squirting Pussy Rainforest," "Faith-Based Sex," "Dommes & Hollie" and "Future Sex." That last show featured another female ejaculator, Avy Lee Roth (80s rock star David Lee Roth's porn star daughter), who had squirted once on another one of my shows, "Latina Orgasmical" while singing "Girl You Got Me" along with her dad. Squirting is so rock 'n roll.

The Sundahl Method

But the most important session of female ejaculation we've ever had here at the Institute would have to be the long, erotic, highly educational, soaking wet night we call Dr. Suzy's Squirt Salon(s). It was indeed a baptismal sexual revelation. My featured guest was noted FE expert Deborah Sundahl. Deborah stayed over at the Institute for a few days before the show. While she was here, I read her book Female Ejaculation & the G-Spot. One afternoon, I went up to the roof to do my usual yoga exercises, and I brought the book and a little hand mirror with me. There I was all alone with a panoramic view of Los Angeles, a towel, a pussy mirror, and this book on how to squirt. Sometimes I get aroused from just going through various yoga positions, and this was one of those times. I picked up the book and reread the parts with directions on how to squirt.

Learning about sex from books isn't for everybody. But books have always helped me with my own sexuality. I learned how to have my first orgasm from Betty Dodson's Sex for One (then entitled Liberating Masturbation). That afternoon, I learned how to female ejaculate on my own from Deborah's book. Of course, the book is much more detailed than this essay, and I highly recommend it if you're interested in learning to squirt. But here's essentially what I did: First, I urinated downstairs before I went up on the roof. Then I found my private spot, spread out my towel and did about 30 minutes of slow sensuous yoga, breathing deeply, squeezing and releasing my PC muscles, concentrating on the pleasurable feelings in my body in general and my genitalia in particular. Next, I licked my fingers, and stuck my hands in my panties (I didn't feel quite certain enough that I wouldn't be seen to get completely naked. I rubbed my now juicy clitoris until I was very excited but not orgasming. Then, I stuck my index finger inside my vagina, crooking it into the "come hither" position, and rubbed and pressed my G-spot, feeling the ridges on the bump just an inch up from the entrance.

I took my time. I didn't try to ejaculate, didn't really expect to ejaculate. I just focused on the pleasurable feelings in my G-spot. I felt it growing, swelling, enlarging against my finger. As Deborah's book suggested, I let it build and grow bigger and fuller. Every so often, I'd stop and breathe deep, and on the out-breath, I pushed as if I was going to pee, but I didn't pee. I just pushed out my G-Spot, so it was practically outside my labia. Sometimes it felt as if my G-spot was ballooning out on its own.

Deborah cautions against pushing too hard and straining yourself. But I found that pushing out slowly and gently did lead me to squirt. That's right, I had my very first self-propelled female ejaculation experience, with Deborah's book in one hand as my other hand rubbed and pressed my G-spot. I first felt it on my finger, then I pulled out my finger along with a stream of hot flowing ejaculate that wound up soaking my panties, the towel and the book, and seemed to make the police helicopter circling above me screech to a halt in the sky. I sniffed my soaked panties and was pleased to find them smelling very faintly of flowers, certainly not of urine. I floated blissfully on my wet towel under the clouds for who knows how long. Then I ran downstairs to show Deborah who sniffed my panties and squealed with delight. "Congratulations, Suzy, you ejaculated!"

Leila's Tantric Ejaculation

The next night, I held the Squirt Salon(s) with Deborah, Annie and a lovely lady named Leila Swan, whom I dubbed the "Missionary of Squirting," since she hails from an Evangelical Christian background. Leila's father was a preacher who baptized people in the river; now she baptizes her lovers with ejaculate. Leila told the story of how she left her home on a farm, went to Hawaii and got involved in Tantric sex, awakened her ability to ejaculate. It's not surprising that the techniques of Tantra, including deep breathing, PC muscle exercise, extended attention to female pleasure and male self-control, and maximizing a woman's orgasmic potential, would sometimes result in female ejaculation.

After Leila's story, a young lady named Maria called in on the show from the San Fernando Valley and told us that she was a squirter who had never been with another woman, and she could stop fantasizing about that. As Maria masturbated, I wove a story out of the reality of four hot women getting ready to squirt all over each other in her bed. Maria moaned and said she ejaculated. Next Richard called in from West LA, and asked for help in finding the G-spot. At this point, Deborah gave Richard - and the audience - a detailed, very close-up, anatomy lesson in how to find the G-spot, using Leila's beautiful G-Spot as a model. I invited our cameras to go "spelunking" into Leila's vaginal cave. Deborah said that never before had the G-spot been shown in such intimate, close-up detail. Then, she located Annie's G-spot. Finding it was so stimulating that Annie gave Deborah a very wet surprise! Just being a diagram made her squirt!

Then Ken called in from Texas, and told the story of his first-time experience with a woman who ejaculated. He asked what shape penis is best for getting a woman to squirt. Deborah explained that it didn't really matter because even the light touch of a finger can get a girl to ejaculate, as she had just demonstrated with Annie. But Annie and Leila insisted that a curved cock is best for *hitting the spot.* All this talk about cocks and curves got Annie very excited, so she spread out an American flag towel, sat down on it with her legs spread wide, started fingering her G-spot and slapping her clitoris, and before we could say, Tidal wave!" she was squirting up a storm, a flowing Fountain of Venus.. Soon, everyone was covered in ejaculate.

"You want to get fucked really hard," Deborah said to Annie.

"You want to fuck me?" Annie challenged the teacher.

Deborah accepted the challenge and proceeded to use her strong, skilled fingers to give Annie several more astounding ejaculatory orgasms, all the while explaining exactly what she is doing for the benefit of the audience. Then Annie squirted into a glass bowl, and I poured the ejaculate into a champagne flute, which we all passed around, sniffed and even sipped. Everyone agreed that the liquid looked, tasted and smelled nothing like urine. Trying to describe it was difficult though, like explaining fine wine!

To top off her performance, Annie fisted herself! Then she ran off to get her strap-on, and Leila assumed center stage to demonstrate the art and science of female ejaculation with toys, using a curved G-Spot Stimulator Magic Wand and a small vibrating egg.

Leila's ejaculate was not as forceful as Annie's, but just as beautiful, a bit lighter and more delicate in delivery, but almost as profuse. Leila squirts more than a bowlful, and we poured her nectar into another champagne flute, sipped and compared it with Annie's. Then Leila's lover, Big D, entered the scene, showing his sexual mettle by taking a large swig of Leila's ejaculate from the champagne flute and smacking his lips with pleasure. Since Big D was wearing a skirt (well, a kilt), I assumed he wanted someone to lift it. So I did, only to find out just why he is called Big D. Leila proceeded to give him expert, loving fellatio, as Johnny from Hollywood called in, eager to see my G-spot...

I wasn't quite ready for that, so I took a call from Joyce in Iowa. Joyce boasted about her ability to squirt six feet, then proceeded to masturbate quite audibly as Leila rode Big D's big dick, bringing both Joyce and Leila to fantastic squirting orgasms. Then Mike called in from New York with statistical questions like "How much can a woman squirt?" which Deborah tried to answer as best as she could, with a veritable orgy going on around us. As Leila turned and rode Big D reverse-cowgirl style, we took another close-up look at Leila's G-spot. After all that riding and squirting, Leila's G-spot was more than twice the size it was before! It was so big and expressive; it seemed to speak to us. I called it "Pussy Talk," a show within the show.

After a little cartoony Pussy Talk, we went to a deeper level, discussing the profound emotional aspects of the G-spot, the "Gateway to Higher Love." Then it was Deborah's turn. She showed her own G-spot to one of my cameras, as Annie and our other camera went out into the studio audience, finding couples and threesomes inspired to make love by all the exhilarating ejaculation action on the bed.

I Squirt with Deborah

Then Deborah offered to help me find my G-spot. This seemed like a fun idea. I had, of course, found it with my fingers many times, and gotten a glimpse of it in the mirror when I was on the roof. However, I'd never before seen it bigger than life on a television monitor. This would be very cool. But first I had to pee. After all, the Squirt Salon is a pretty long, intimate show with no breaks. So I decided to pee right on camera into a "pee pot" that we keep handy for such occasions. Since I was in the mood for making a statement, I grabbed a photoshopped photo of our President giving me head and stuck it into the pot. Then I "Peed on Bush," releasing a stream of my political frustration along with my golden showers. Annie and Kim also peed on Bush. With this, it was apparent to all that our pee was very different from the ejaculate. It was yellow, smelled strongly of urine and had a noticeably thinner texture than the female ejaculate.

Then it was time for my own G-Spot Revelation. I leaned back against the pillows, opened my legs, breathed deep and pushed out as Deborah stimulated my G-spot with her forefinger. She rubbed it very slowly, telling me to relax, not an easy thing for me to do while I'm hosting a show. Of course, I had relaxed and ejaculated on the roof the day before. But I'd been alone and had plenty of time. Now I had an audience, including cameras. Of course, I'd done it on the show with Axel several times in the past. But he had really done all the "work." It didn't matter what I did; he just whipped the ejaculate right out of me. According to the Sundahl Method, I am more in control of my own ejaculation. So I had to really relax and feel the pleasure. To accomplish that, I imagined I was at the beach with waves crashing between my thighs. I closed my eyes, trying to forget the cameras and the audience. I breathed deep, and pushed out, feeling the pleasurable sensations of Deborah's finger gently rubbing my most intimate swelling spot, and then the next thing I knew, I was ejaculating ~ twice! What a surprise! I was speechless...for about a minute.

Then I called for champagne, and all the Squirting Stars came together for a giddy, Dionysian celebration, kind of a cross between a women's consciousness-raising group and a drunken orgy. I was on a roll. With Deborah's help, I ejaculated a third time. An erotic "After-Party" followed with masked dancing and more squirting hot sex. With Annie's help, I ejaculated a fourth time. The evening climaxed, fittingly enough, with Big D climaxing, providing a nice reminder that men squirt too! Praise the Lord and the Lady. We are all loving, squirting beings.

Since the night of the Squirt Salon(s), I've drenched many towels in squirting sex with my husband. I've also hosted other wet shows, including Faith-Based Sex, Squirt Crazy, Dommes & Hollie, Spring Showers, and Double-Annie Squirting Anniversary which featured 21-year-old Squirting Star Annie Cruz, as well as our beloved Rainforest Princess Annie Body.

Can You Learn to Squirt?

So, can you learn to squirt? Yes, you can! But will you? To some degree, it's up to you. As with any kind of learning, the first thing you need is motivation. Some, maybe most, women are just not motivated to do this, and that's fine. Female ejaculation is optional. You certainly don't have to ejaculate to be a happy, healthy, orgasmic, sexual woman. Some women aren't interested. Some just don't have the time. When you're worried about where your next meal is coming from, squirting is not at the top of your list of things to do. For some, it's "against their religion," which says only men should wear the pants and do the squirting in the family. Some women think men don't like it. Fact is that some men do; some don't. The ones that do tend to be the kind that really enjoy and seek out women's pleasure, and aren't too fussy about getting soaked with a splash of amrita.

Speaking of which, there are practical issues. Some women don't like sleeping on wet sheets. I confess this to be one of my own problems with squirting regularly. This is one reason why I, like so many women, tend to hold back from ejaculating during sex; then, at a certain point, I tell my lover, "I gotta go pee," then run into the bathroom and squirt into the toilet. Yes, the mess is an issue. Female ejaculate doesn't stain, but it does tend to soak everything within a 1-6 foot radius; just think of spilling a glass of water in bed. You can put a towel down, but a really good squirt soaks right through the towel. Best to do it in the bath, on a nice clean floor, on the roof, or best of all, in a bed you won't be sleeping in that night.

Face it, G-spot female ejaculation is one of those decadent pleasures, like fresh oysters, that require the right circumstances and preparation, as well as post-pleasure clean-up. Is it worth it? Well, aren't fresh oysters worth it, at least occasionally? Yes, they can be bitches to crack open, but if you succeed, you have yourself a real treat. So, isn't reaching a new height in sexual pleasure worth a little effort? I think so. But then, I love fresh oysters. At least, occasionally.

Once you've got the motivation, you might find yourself squirting like a sprinkler system with just a little concentration and some good G-spot rubbing sex. More likely, you'll need some instruction, which you can obtain through books, videos, the personal touch, whatever works for you. Then again, maybe this little essay is enough to get you going, or perhaps you need to read Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot and/or watch the Squirt Salon(s) or another show or clip on the subject. Some of you may need more instruction than others. Some of you may have psychological or physiological *learning disabilities* that plug up your porthole, so to speak. Don't be discouraged. If you really want to squirt, eventually you probably will. Most of us hold it back for myriad reasons, good and bad, crazy and sane, conscious and unconscious. But we can all squirt. Remember: the human body is about 75 per cent H2O. It's just a question of letting a little out.

Yes, indeed, Brothers & Sisters, Lovers & Sinners. Let the holy water shoot forth! Squirt Bombs produce Shock and Awe with Zero Casualties. Squirt for joy! Squirt for peace. Flood the world with pleasure. Cover the earth in cum. At least, occasionally...

Need to talk about squirting or any other aspect of human sexuality? Call Us Now: [callus]

With Dr. Susan Block

Call Us Now:

Good help is hard to come by, especially when it comes to female sexuality. Such issues are rarely discussed, let alone understood, by traditional therapists, counselors and clergy who are not often equipped or willing to deal with sex questions or problems, outside of pat “sweep-it-under-the-rug” solutions.

Fear of sex, fear of the inner erotic woman, fear of social, family and religious criticism can have a devastating effect on a woman’s physical, mental and spiritual well-being. Some sexual fears are based on facts, but millions of women around the world suffer under old myths and misinformation that can rob you not only of your personal satisfaction, but also your self-esteem, creativity, success, the pursuit of happiness and even love itself.

It’s not easy when the erotic woman inside has to deal with the outside world’s conventions of female, sexual discrimination. It’s not easy balancing your own needs with the needs of those you love. It’s not easy to find and cultivate what you desire. Sometimes you can use a little help…

Let Us Help You Now. Don’t Let Another Minute Go By.

Looking for Some Answers to Your Sexuality Questions? Make The Phone Call that Could Change Your Life… Really!  Call The Block Institute at 213-291-9497

For almost two decades, the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences has been helping women, as well as men, couples and groups, to explore their sexuality, conquer their fears and attain their desires.

Susan M. Block, Ph.D., director of the Institute, is an internationally renowned best-selling author, HBO personality, talk radio host, magna cum laude graduate of Yale University with a doctorate in psychology, and a professional member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT), with one of the largest private and diverse sex therapy practices in the world.

Find out why Women Fitness Magazine credits Dr. Susan Block with virtually inventing the now extremely popular practice of sex therapy via the telephone back in 1991.  “People have been treated using phone sex therapy and have experienced great success in their healing,”  writes Women Fitness. “Who is to thank for this new phenomenon? A wonderful woman by the name of Susan Block!”

Dr. Block has put together a fantastic international team of dedicated, creative and caring men and women with different areas of expertise who can guide or assist you in almost all aspects of sexuality. We can help you with anything from simple sex questions to complex issues to the more fun and exciting explorations of fantasy and role-playing with our male or female therapists. And we’re always here for you 24/7, 365 days a year. You can call us anytime you need to talk.

We’re As Close As Your Phone. That’s Pretty Close! Call Us Now:   You're Worth It!

The Block Institute is the leader in sex therapy for women over the phone.  Some of our senior therapists have been researching, counseling and writing about women’s sexual issues for over three decades. With our experience, expertise, insight, creativity, openness, passion and compassion, we can help you to have an exciting and satisfying sex life, increase your self-esteem, guide you toward understanding and dealing with your own as well as your partner’s sexuality, enhance your erotic empowerment, explore your forbidden fantasies, improve your erotic technique and seductive style, reduce stress, cope with your or your partner’s fetishes or personal memories, overcome religious or familial oppression, as well as energize your entire life. We’ll help you open the doors to better orgasms - or first orgasms – as well as higher love, greater success and deeper joy.

Many reactionary cultures around the world are trying to repress the modern explosion in positive, fact-based sex information for women. But we believe it’s too late: The Pussycat is out of the bag! Women are sexual beings. Men aren’t the only ones with sex drives, though a woman’s needs can be more subtle and complex. This is why women often need to *learn* how to have an orgasm--both the "regular" and "squirting" kinds--something almost all men can do without instruction. And there are many other things women need to learn about our sexual bodies, minds and souls. The School of Life teaches you much of what you need to know, but sometimes you benefit greatly with a little help from an expert.

Never Done Anything Like This Before?

One of the benefits of talking to a therapist, instead of a friend or relative, is that friends and relatives, no matter how much they love you, tend to have a personal agenda with regard to you. Sometimes they have that agenda because they love you and want you to *be* a certain way. Thus you tend to censor what you say to a friend or relative because you care what they think of you. You’re worried more about how they judge you than really getting the help you need.

You might feel freer talking to someone who doesn’t know you so well, maybe someone you’ve just met at a bar or in the gym. But then, you have to wonder, are they really listening to you, or just waiting for their turn to talk?

The therapists at the Block Institute will not judge you. And we will really listen and respond according to your needs, using a powerful array of techniques (traditional, non-traditional and innovative) to break through walls of fear, repression and misinformation. We take a holistic approach and, depending on the client, use Kinsey-style questions and analysis, fantasy role-play, Kegel muscle exercises, Tantric breathing techniques, G-spot female ejaculation tips, fetish exploration, sexual confidence building, masturbation meditation, sensate focus exercises, intercourse and outercourse, issue-focused phone sex, erotic hypnosis, sex toy play and many other pleasure sex techniques which are not only pleasurable, but almost inevitably have a positive, rejuvenating effect upon your sexual health, as well as your general health, work, creativity, self-esteem, family and social relations and other aspects of life.

Our therapists excel in a wide variety of fields. Our on-duty staff will help you to select the therapist most suited to your personal needs. Above all, we are real human beings, and we’re here to help you. Of course, your complete privacy and confidentiality is absolutely guaranteed. You can talk with us about things you can’t talk about with anyone else. You’ll soon find that this can open new doors for you. It can change your life for the better.

The Cost of Change is Minimal

The cost of telephone sex therapy with the Institute is $3.95/minute to talk to Dr. Block and $3.50/minute to talk with one of our other therapists. It’s only $43 for our 12-minute minimum.

The Cost of Not Getting Help Can Be Disastrous

Though it’s pretty inexpensive for a few quick questions, if you need to talk for a long while, telephone sex therapy isn’t a cheap date. But the cost of not getting help can be much higher: broken marriages, toxic relationships, sex addiction, sex crimes, low self-esteem and depression are just some of the negative results from an inability to explore and express your sexuality in a healthy manner. Instead of letting your past fears fester and bring you down, let us help you take a proactive approach to life.

Open the doors to love and erotic fulfillment. Explore and learn to express your sexuality in a healthy, positive way, dress for sex, seduce your lover into being your love slave, get your marriage on the right track, have your first real orgasm, express your inner slut, explore your taboo fantasies safely and creatively, get some perspective on your love affair, use the power of sex in your professional life, bring the lust back into your long-term relationship, learn to squirt, learn to love again…the possibilities are endless. And the discoveries are priceless.

You Can Talk To Us The Dr. Susan Block Institute 213-291-9497

Need to Talk about Anal Sex or Butt Play? Call Us Now: [callus]

by Dr. Susan Block.

Are you interested in anal sex?

Do you have unfulfilled anal desires you long to explore? A compelling anal fantasy you’d like to roleplay? Do you want to penetrate your own or your partner’s beautiful butthole… but you just don’t know how, or even where to begin? Want to “do it yourself” to yourself, but not sure how best to do it?

Do you enjoy watching anal sex in porn, but find really having anal sex to be frustratingly different? Have you had a negative anal sex experience? Do you want to know how to make anal sex better next time?

Need to get some facts and advice about anal cleanliness and the safer sex aspects of anal play? Need to know what lube to use? How slow to go?

Want to experience analingus?

What about the best butt plugs, dildos, vibrators, anal beads, strap-ons for premium pegging, shaving cream cans, cucumbers and other fun items for optimal anal play?

Looking for anal relaxation techniques—mental or physical? Do you do your sphincter kegels? Interested in learning the finer pleasures and health benefits of P-Spot stimulation or prostate massage?

Curious about the connections between anal desire and sexual orientation?

Want to find out how to give yourself or your partner an analgasm?

Looking to combine anal sex with spanking, tickling, butt bondage or other forms of posterior play?

Fantasizing about having rough, unprotected, forced anal sex? That’s obviously not okay to do in real life, but how about exploring the fantasy during a phone sex fantasy roleplay session? Want to explore auto-anal play through Guided Masturbation or Erotic Hypnosis?

Do you have an anal secret you feel it’s about time you shared privately with someone you can trust?

Call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute. It’s absolutely private and confidential, you can talk about anything and yes, of course, you can masturbate, if you want, during sessions, and no there is no sex therapy or phone sex service quite like ours. Call us anytime you need to talk: 213.291.9497

Anal: The Final Frontier

Many consider anal sex to be the “final” physical taboo.

Whether or not you do, anal sex can be a deliciously pleasurable taboo … if you approach it in just the right way for you.

Contrary to popular belief, the anus is a two-way street. At least, it can be.

No, the anus is not technically a “genital” organ like the vulva, vagina, penis and testicles, but the mouth isn’t technically a genital organ either, and kissing and oral sex feel good. Therefore, it’s perfectly normal and natural for someone of any gender to experience pleasure from anal touch.

Lined with exquisitely sensitive nerve endings, the anus allows stimulation, penetration and other forms of anal play to feel just heavenly, if performed properly.

Just like the key to real estate is “location, location, location,” the key to great anal intercourse is “lubrication, lubrication, lubrication.”

So…. conquer your irrational fears, embrace the forbidden erogenous zone and open up that long-locked Back Door!

Or at least, talk about it with someone who can help…

Anal Outercourse

Even if you’re very eager to engage in anal intercourse, you should probably start with outercourse.

This is true even if you’re engaging in anal self-penetration, and especially if you’re interested in anal intercourse with a partner.

Anal “outercourse” includes rubbing, tickling, spanking and playing on the outer, “puckered up” area of the anus, without penetration.

Start lightly and teasingly, slowly increasing your or your partner’s comfort with being touched around the anal area. This helps you to appreciate its exquisite and tender sensitivity.

If you are the anus “owner,” it tends to be your responsibility to make your anus as clean as possible for the occasion (unless you both have a fetish for being literally “dirty,” which isn’t very sanitary and can be hazardous to your health). For some, an enema gives them that “anal fresh” feeling. For others, just a nice hot shower, bath or bidet is sufficient.

If you are the “fingerer,” make sure your fingernails are clean and trimmed. No hangnails, cuts, dirt or peeling nail polish. If your manicure isn’t anal-friendly, wear latex gloves for this.

When in doubt, play lightly and only rub hard if your partner asks for it. Be careful, but be playful too! Try using a drop of lube on your finger tip to spell out “I love your ass” right on your beloved partner’s booty-ful bottom.

Analingus Anyone?

As cunnilingus is to the vulva, so analingus is to the anus, a type of oral sex that involves licking and kissing the butthole.

For some, this might sound gross; but for many, analingus is the ultimate anal experience.

Though analingus (aka “rimming”) could involve some penetration (aka, “tongue-fucking”), most of it involves outercourse activities like planting your lips on your partner’s bum and swirling your tongue around that puckering rosebud.

Everybody—male, female and gender-neutral—has a sphincter muscle.

I assume this would involve a partner because I’ve never met anyone who could lick their own butthole (though I’ve known a few guys who can suck their own cocks).

Analingus is for sharing, which also means it’s rather risky when it comes to the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), as well as germs and viruses like COVID-19.  So, cleanliness is even more vital for licking than fingering.  When in doubt, put a dental dam (clear piece of thin latex) or just a section of Saran wrap to act as a “screen” between your lips and your lover’s back door (a screen door?).

It’s not as intimate, but it could save your life, or at least, your peace of mind.

Sphincter Muscle Squeeze

A sphincter is a circular muscle that maintains constriction of a natural body passage and which relaxes as required by normal physiological functioning.

The anus actually has two sphincters, one internal involuntary sphincter muscle and the other is more external and voluntary.  For purposes of enhancing your anal pleasure, we’re concerning ourselves with the external sphincter muscle.

Squeezing and releasing the anal sphincter can greatly enhance anal pleasure whether you’re just playing around externally or engaging in penetration. This happens involuntarily when you have an orgasm. Bu you can improve your anal tone and pleasure by doing sphincter muscle squeeze-and-release repetitions, like kegel exercises for the sphincter.

The great thing is that everybody—male, female and gender-neutral—has a sphincter muscle.

We can all enjoy the pleasure it gives us from squeezing and releasing. True, nature provides those good sphincter feelings primarily so that we’ll poop regularly, but there’s nothing wrong with taking advantage of those pleasure-sensitive nerve endings when it comes to poop-free anal play.

Anal Intercourse

When most people hear the term “anal sex,” they think of anal intercourse, e.g., somebody’s anus being penetrated by somebody else’s penis.

As explained above, anal sex could encompass any kind of erotic play in the anal area, but anal intercourse is for some the “ultimate” anal.

If you’re an anal virgin (and often even if you’re not), start slow, engaging in lots of anal outercourse before you get to the intercourse.

How long should you go slow and shallow before you get into deep-penetrative thrusting? That depends on you and your partner. Anywhere from a few minutes to a few years.

Cleanliness is important, especially if you plan to take it deep. For some, that just means a good hot bath or shower, while others may take an enema before anal; this is a common practice in porn. This is usually the receiver’s responsibility, but the giver could help out, if both enjoy that.

There are lots of erotic activities you might engage in *for* your partner, even though you don’t enjoy them. Anal intercourse should not be one of these.

Unlike the vagina, the anus is not self-moisturizing.  So, just like the key to real estate is “location, location, location,” the key to great anal intercourse is “lubrication, lubrication, lubrication.”

If you’re using condoms, make sure you use a water-based lube. If you are an exclusive couple and not using protection, coconut oil feels great.

Sorry fellas, but semen and “pre-cum” are not the same as lube.

If you are the “giver,” prepare the anus by lubed-up fingering. Again, go slow, at the receiver’s pace.

Impatience is the Enemy of Good Anal.

Once you’ve played for a while with a finger comfortably inside, you might open it up more with a dildo or butt plug that’s bigger than your finger, but not as big as your cock. Then, when both of you are more than ready, the giver can go in. Sorry to sound like a broken record, but go slow. If you’re blessed with a big one, you have to go even slower.

Slow and steady wins the anal race.

Try penetrating just a little and then pulling out completely, rubbing the head of the penis on the outside. When your partner is ready (or, preferably when they ask—or beg—for it), go in again and penetrate a bit further, then pull out again. Continue with this until you are fully in—but be prepared to stop at any time if you or your partner is uncomfortable or in pain. If everybody’s happy, have yourselves a good, hard, thrust-filled, anal romp!

Some of the more popular positions for anal intercourse include Backside Doggystyle and Butt-Lifted Missionary (put a pillow under that butt), as well as Cowgirl (or Cowboy) Anal, Backdoor Side-by-Side, Standing Anal and On Bended Knee.

You might even have an analgasm (orgasm during anal sex).

Still, be careful. Don’t be a “Weapon of Ass Destruction.”

The anal walls are more delicate than vaginal and can tear and bleed more easily. A little bit of pain is okay for some people, like a spice, but too much spoils the meat, so to speak.

Anal intercourse, like all kinds of anal sex, should be pleasurable… or don’t do it.

There are lots of erotic activities you might engage in *for* your partner, even though you don’t enjoy them. Anal intercourse should not be one of these.

Don’t be too shy or too cool to talk about what you’re doing before, during and after you do it. This can include hot “dirty talk,” if you and your partner are into that, or compliments about what a fantastic ass they have. Most important, ask your partner how they’re feeling.  Letting them suffer in silence while you have yourself a ball ensures that you will not be invited back in the back door.

As far as erotic entertainment goes, porn is fine… But do not consider your favorite anal porn scene to be a literal lesson in how to have pleasurable anal sex.

Anal sex can feel stimulating and pleasurable for both giver and receiver, especially when you’re really in sync with each other. But it can be a little tricky in various ways, many of which are explained on these pages.  If it doesn’t go perfectly the first time, you can always try again if and when you’re both in the mood.

Remember, you can pause or stop at any point you want. Just because you have started something doesn’t mean you need to continue, especially when it comes to anal intercourse. Stopping whenever you want to is perfectly fine.

Anal Porn vs. Anal Reality

If you like to watch anal intercourse, you’ll find plenty of it in the wonderful world of pornography.

As far as erotic entertainment goes, porn is fine and probably won’t shrink your brain to the size of a hemorrhoid. But do not consider your favorite anal porn scene to be a literal lesson in how to have pleasurable anal sex.

To satisfy their impatient viewers, porn generally gives you the misleading impression that anal intercourse happens quickly, easily and without much anal outercourse as foreplay.

So porn viewers don’t get a realistic sense of the time involved in preparation in terms of cleanliness, safety or comfort.

Enjoy your porn, but don’t consider it a guide to good anal!

So you’re a man, and you want to experience anal sex?  Or maybe you already enjoy it.  Congratulations!  There’s nothing wrong with you.

And no, being turned on by anal play doesn’t make you gay.

Gay, straight, bi or pansexual, everybody has an anus, so everybody—even the manliest of men—is capable of experiencing physical pleasure and mental excitement from anal stimulation.

Enjoying anal—giving or receiving—has nothing to do with your sexual orientation. Even if you never want a fellow guy near you, you might like anal sex. In that case, you can always just do it to yourself.

You could also have a woman penetrate you anally, either with her finger, a hand dildo or a sexy strap-on. In the last twenty years or so, the term “pegging”—a woman using a strap-on dildo to penetrate a man’s anus—has moved into the mainstream of sexual terminology, indicating how popular it is.

Even though liking anal doesn’t “make you gay,” you might realize you’re gay when you try anal play… and that’s okay!

Though it can feel confusing. Maybe you’ve only had straight sex throughout your life. Then one night, your wife or girlfriend plays with or penetrates your anus—or maybe you do it yourself, and you discover how good it feels. Maybe it triggers fantasies of being entered by a cock.

Then again, maybe you, like so many “straight” men, have cuckold fantasies, the “sperm wars” in your balls stirred up by imagining (or actually seeing) your hot wife or girlfriend having sex with another man. Some guys don’t stop there; maybe you also imagine yourself having sex—maybe anal sex—with the other man. Maybe you actually do it in real life, and it feels good.

Does that mean you’re gay… or bi… or maybe pansexual? Possibly, and that’s okay too. Of course, political and religious leaders might have different ideas of what is or is not “okay,” but scientifically speaking, there’s nothing wrong with or “weird” about same-sex attraction or activity.

When it comes to anal sex, it really doesn’t matter what gender you are, if any. Everyone has an anus. And everyone can give and receive orgasmic anal pleasure.

It’s certainly natural. Bonobos and many other nonhuman animals have sex with members of the same gender on occasion or even regularly.

As for humans, the first references to male-male anal sex date back to about 4,000 years ago and come into sharper focus about 2,600 years ago with the pottery of ancient Greece, which paved the way to Roman culture where the concepts of homosexuality and heterosexuality virtually didn’t exist.  Men and women married to raise families, but both men and women had lovers of either gender.

The rise of Christianity changed things. The book of Genesis in the Judeo-Christian Bible depicts God’s punishment of Sodom and Gomorrah as making them burn in a hell on Earth, and Lot’s wife turned into a pillar of salt just for turning around to take a look.

The punishment of Sodom led to sodomy laws which criminalized anal sex, with either imprisonment or fines depending on the jurisdiction.  Sodomy laws in Texas, Oklahoma, Florida, Utah, Louisiana, Virginia, Alabama and Kansas, for example, were overturned only in 2003.

Now anal sex with a consenting adult of any gender is perfectly legal in every US territory.

Nevertheless, experiencing these deep feelings and desires for the first time—or even the five hundredth time—can be confusing or disturbing for many men.

Due to their shame, some “straight” married men have secret sex with other men. This is understandable, but very dangerous. If you are doing this, not only are you cheating, you’re putting yourself and your partners at risk for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). At the very least, practice safer sex as explained in more detail below.

How about you? Do you have questions about your anal interests or activities? Do you need to talk about it… but feel uncomfortable talking to most people about such intimate concerns? The Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute understand the various nuances of anal desire. Call us anytime you need to talk about it: 213.291.9497.

The P-Spot

Not only do men have the same pleasure-sensing nerve endings in their anuses as women; the guys have something extra: the prostate.

The male prostate is as sensitive as the female G-spot, which is why some of us like to call it the “P-spot.”

Located between the base of the penis and the bladder, deep inside the rectum, the prostate is an exocrine gland surrounded by muscles which contract and release during ejaculation and help discharge semen. The prostate is key to both the fluid discharge and the pleasure of orgasm as well as build-up to orgasm. Semen is pumped out of the penis head through the urethra when orgasmic contractions of the smooth muscle squeeze the prostate.

The average young male prostate is the size and shape of a walnut. As a man ages, his prostate tends to grow larger. Men over 60 might have a prostate the size of a plum. The larger the prostate, the more susceptible it is to cancer and other health problems.

An active prostate—one that experiences fairly frequent orgasmic contractions—is generally a healthy prostate. Whether these orgasms occur in a loving relationship, at an orgy or by your own hand matters little to the health of the prostate, as long as it keeps on coming.

While your orgasms are mostly caused by stimulation to the head and shaft of the penis, it is also possible to achieve orgasm purely through stimulation of your prostate gland via deep anal penetration and massage.

Stimulation of your P-spot can also produce a stronger orgasm than purely penile stimulation -- described by various men as more intense or ecstatic. This can be done with a penis, a finger (usually a rather long finger), a dildo, butt plug, vibrator or other sex toy for anal penetration or “prostate massage.” Butt plugs often have flared ends to prevent them disappearing into your rectum.

Lubrication is key in prostate stimulation or any kind of anal penetration, as explained above.

Milking the prostate is a type of P-Spot massage that draws out the build-up to a deep, full-body orgasm over a long period of time, sometimes more than an hour.  The term “milking” refers to the technique of gentle, squeezing, hand manipulation like you would the udder of a cow during the milking process, as you stimulate the prostate, usually with a sex toy, so that the semen emerges gradually—instead of in the usually quick, short series of ejaculatory spurts—lengthening the pleasure of the experience.

Are you a guy interested being penetrated anally, but afraid to ask the woman in your life to peg you or “milk” your P-spot? She might be more accepting or even enthusiastic than you realize. A survey by Swedish sex toy manufacturer LELO found that 80 percent of women would perform a prostate massage on their partner if asked and 71 percent of straight men have either tried or would try a prostate massager.

Need tips on how to pop the question for a P-spot massage or just want some loving guidance over the phone, through sexting or webcam? Call the P-spot specialists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime you’re ready: 213.291.9497. We’re here for YOU (and your P-spot).

Anal Sex for Women

Of course, women can receive and enjoy anal sex. However, many women and men still have mixed feelings about penetrating a woman anally.

“But I already have a perfectly good hole!” is a common response many women have to partners who want to try their back door.

Often these women have had uncomfortable, often painful experiences on their first try at anal sex. This terrible first time is usually with a partner who is selfish or ignorant of anal sex etiquette, pleasure and health—or both.

One of the worst ways to introduce anal to a woman is by “surprise” while you’re already doing it vaginally from behind. That’s bound to either hurt the gal’s anus or damage the guy’s penis.

Alternatively, there are lots of women and men who enjoy anal sex even more than vaginal sex… if you’re doing it right.

Some women like the tight fit, the kinky feeling or the taboo quality of anal sex. Others see it as a form of birth control as you can’t get pregnant from anal intercourse. Semen has been known to travel from the anus across the perineum—or “taint”—to the vaginal opening and then find its way to fertilizing an egg, but that is a rare occurrence.

Many sexually active post-menopausal women, whose vaginas are not as self-lubricating as they used to be, report enjoying anal sex more than vaginal.

Women in porn almost always act like they love anal sex—often with very little preparation. Thus, many guys who watch porn are surprised to discover women who actually don’t enjoy anal. The best solution for these men is to learn how to have anal in ways that are pleasurable and healthy for their partner(s), as well as themselves. And if their partner still isn’t interested, do something else or find another partner.

One no-no in anal sex with women that guys don’t have to worry about: Do not pull your finger, cock, toy or anything else out of a woman’s ass and then stick it in her vagina. Be clean! Be courteous. Be aware.

Need to learn more about the ins and outs of anal? Call the anal experts at the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime you need to talk: 213.291.9497.

Gender-Fluid Anal

Not everyone is an asshole. But everyone has one!

Most people, including most transgender people, identify as male or female. But some people don’t feel they neatly fit into these traditional categories.

For example, some people’s gender blends elements of being a man or a woman, or it’s different than either male or female. Some people don't identify with any gender. Some people's gender changes over time. Many of these people call themselves “gender-fluid,” “non-gender binary,” “non-binary,” “queer” or “gender-queer.”

This can be confusing for more traditional people, but it helps if you just treat everyone with respect, try to use the correct pronouns and, when in doubt, ask questions politely.

The good news is that when it comes to anal sex, it really doesn’t matter what gender you are, if any.

Everyone has an anus. And everyone can give and receive orgasmic anal pleasure.

Kinky Anal

For many people, anal sex is inherently kinky, sometimes in a BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominant/submissive and/or Sado-Masochistic) way.

Anal sex is perfectly natural; no kink necessary. But playing dominant, submissive or other roles can enhance the fun of anal or any kind of sex.

Not everyone who gives anal is dominant, and not everyone who receives is submissive, but that’s often the way it goes.

For example, the one giving analingus may feel submissive, like they’re surrendering to ass worship, or even being humiliated in a kinky way. That same person might feel even more submissive when being penetrated anally by a forceful, dominant partner, perhaps while tied up or spanked.

Nevertheless, just because you’re submissive doesn’t mean you have to accept whatever your dominant partner gives you, especially when it comes to your comfort, pleasure and safer sex.

Know your limits and respect your partner’s physical and mental limits, whatever they may be.

Anal Safer Sex

Anal sex can be wonderful, but it is one of the most likely ways to spread sexually-transmitted diseases (STDs) or sexually-transmitted infections (STIs).  Whether you’re a man, woman or gender-fluid, straight, gay or pansexual, it’s important to protect yourself and your partners as best you can against HIV, Chlamydia, genital herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis, Hepatitis A and other STIs, when having anal sex.

Rectal lining is thinner and more delicate than vaginal lining and, because the rectum is at the end of the digestive tract (a highly bacterial environment), it is more susceptible to cuts and abrasions. This means that if you are the receiver or “bottom” you have a higher risk of STIs and HIV from unprotected anal sex than many other types of sexual activity.

While the risk is less for the giver or 'top', HIV can still enter through the opening at the top of the penis (urethra), or through cuts, scratches and sores on the penis.

So just what is “safe” anal sex?

The safest way to have anal sex is probably just with yourself, only using your own toys and nobody else’s. Next would be anal with a partner with whom you’re monogamous with the understanding that they are monogamous too.

If there is any question of either partner’s sexual activity, then latex barriers must be employed. Condoms are the most common form of protection for the penis. Make sure it fits comfortably but snugly and doesn’t fall off. You may want to try a few brands and sizes before you find your perfect fit. Some people feel safer using extra-thick condoms for anal sex.

You should also put a fresh “rubber” on any sex toys that you might share.

As explained above, dental dams make analingus or “rimming” a lot safer.

Use water-based lubricant only. Because of similar composition, condoms can rupture when used with oil-based lubricants. Use your favorite flavored lube for analingus.

Why do porn performers so often engage in “bareback” (no condom) anal sex? Because most of them are tested for STIs on a frequent basis. Even so, mistakes get made, and STIs do spread sometimes within the porn industry.

Another way to prevent HIV infection is to take pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP), but it is not available everywhere.

If you’ve had unprotected anal sex and are worried about possible HIV infection, go and see your healthcare professional straight away. You may be able to take post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) to prevent HIV infection, but it has to be taken within 72 hours to be effective. However, PEP is not a replacement for condoms and isn’t available everywhere.

Talk to your partner about protection before you start having anal.  As with any type of sex, it’s important that both people are enthusiastic about having anal sex and that no one is feeling pressured or forced into doing anything they don’t want to do.

Safer Sex in the Time of Coronavirus

The 2020 spread of COVID-19, a strain of the Coronavirus, has put even greater pressure upon everyone to practice safe sex, including only having sex with your regular partner(s).

The respiratory system-attacking virus spreads through airborne germs, making it imperative for people to stay at least six feet away from each other, cover their mouths when outside, and wash their hands regularly (if they weren’t already washing their hands before!). Now with the worry of infecting each other from a close range, the only way to help flatten the curve of infections is to stay at home in isolation except for the essential errand—which puts a damper on casual dates or hooking up.

In this case, if you’re really in the mood for having your precious starfish teased, you can always do it to yourself; just make sure your toys, hands, or anything coming in direct contact with the anus is properly cleansed beforehand (the aforementioned idea to put a condom on your toys is a good idea, too).

In the Coronapocalypse, being sanitary is more important than ever.

Additionally, the New York City Department of Health (NYCDOH) lists in their COVID-19 guidelines to “love the one you’re self-isolating with,” at least when it comes to in-person sex. While phone, webcam sex and sexting are still on the table, they advise limiting your in-person play partners to a “small circle” of people who you trust aren’t infected (whom you can trust is another story).

Not-Such-Fun Facts: COVID-19 has been found in semen as well as fecal matter. So for you analinguists out there, NYCDOH guidelines warn: “No rimming” (don’t you just love that kinky specificity in a metropolitan health office?). Bareback anal intercourse also appears to be off the table, unless you both test negative and are fluid-bonded.

Not that you could easily have any kind of anal sex anyway—unless your penis is six feet long, or you’re using a sex toy on the end of a broomstick.

If you're really determined to have safe anal sex with a partner you're not sure of, the NYCDOH suggests that you "be creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls, that allow sexual contact while preventing close face to face contact."

"Like walls"? Sounds like they're talking about a glory hole!

For some people, all these safety precautions create physical or psychological problems, “ruin the moment” and just don’t feel as good as unsafe sex.  But many learn to love taking safer sex precautions for the peace of mind they provide; and in the times of Coronapocalypse, the lives they could save. Don’t be reckless!

During the COVID pandemic, it’s probably not a good idea to have anal or any kind of sex with new partners, to say the least. On the other hand, it could be a great time to explore anal adventures with your regular partner (as long as both of you are up for it) and/or just with yourself.

Got questions about how to practice “safe, sane, consensual” anal sex? Call the anal experts at the Dr. Susan Block Institute: 213.291.9497.

Anal Sex Fantasies

Sometimes it’s best to keep your anal desires in “the erotic theater of the mind.”

“Living life to the fullest” works for some, but others prefer to ride in the slow lane, for the sake of their health, family or sanity.

This is where fantasy comes in.

Lots of people are turned on by the fantasy of anal sex, but they don’t want to bother with all the safer-sex precautions, logistics, trust issues, cheating and other concerns that you need to handle if you’re going to responsibly engage in anal sex in real life.

For instance, maybe you’d like to be the center of a rough, bareback, anal gangbang with the starting lineup of your favorite football team. This is an unlikely real-life scenario, even if you can pay all those footballers’ overtime, not to mention get them tested before the big gangbang. But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the fantasy.

In your imagination, anything is possible, no safety measures are necessary, and you don’t even have to be politically correct about it. You can try different anal fantasies on “for size,” to see how they play out in your brain and in your bloodstream.  The mind is a multiplex where you can always switch from one fantasy “screen” to another in less time than it takes to stamp your ticket.

“Ain’t nothing like the real thing, baby…” is very true. However, tuning into the erotic theater of the mind to satisfy your anal cravings, whatever they may be, allows you to just relax and enjoy yourself, perhaps through masturbation or just meditation—or, as our friend Annie Sprinkle coined the term, “medibation” (meditating while masturbating).

Make sure to have all the toys, tools and lube you need nearby, and enjoy!

And if you need a hand, give us a call.

Here at the Dr. Susan Block institute, we understand that a lot of people might never—or rarely—engage in anal sex in real life, but they like to have a safe place to talk about it.

Our Therapists Without Borders specialize in creating an environment where you can explore the full measure of your anal sexuality, in privacy and without fear. Want to talk about anal sex? Like to try immersing yourself in your anal fantasy through erotic hypnosis? Want help finding your prostate or just inserting that new toy? Need guided anal play? Call us anytime at 213.291.9497.

Should you or shouldn’t you experience anal sex in real life or just keep it in fantasy? Maybe you tried it before, but should you do it again… and again? Maybe you just need to have a sounding board to discuss the pros and cons. Then again, perhaps you could use an anal sex coach to help you get ready for the real thing. Or just a helping “hand” to guide you through the ultimate anal sex fantasy.  We’re here for you.

Block Institute director Dr. Susan Block is a world-renowned expert in anal pleasure, as quoted in Alternet's 9 Ways to Make Anal Sex More Pleasure: Once You Put Your Mind at Ease, Your Sphincter will Follow.  Dr. Block and our other Anal Sexperts are more than happy to assist you with anal sex advice, as well as fantasies, concerns or questions you may have. Anytime you need to talk, 24 hours a day, the world-famous telephone sex therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences are just a phone call away, and you can call us at [callus].

And yes, of course, you can use your butt plug during sessions. And no, there is no sex therapy or phone sex service quite like ours.

Institute director Dr. Susan Block is a world-renowned expert in anal pleasure, as quoted in Alternet's 9 Ways to Make Anal Sex More Pleasure: Once You Put Your Mind at Ease, Your Sphincter will Follow.  Dr. Block and our other Anal Sexperts are more than happy to assist you with anal sex advice, as well as fantasies, concerns or questions you may have. Anytime you need to talk, 24 hours a day, the world-famous telephone sex therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences are just a phone call away, and you can call us at [callus].

--MORE RESOURCES--

Welcome to Dr. Susan Block’s archival SEX CALLS channel, an intimate world of real people with real issues whose lives are changed by a phone call. In these illuminating, sometimes erotic conversations, sex therapist Dr. Susan Block, a.k.a., “Dr. Suzy,” talks with people about their sexual problems and pleasures. These are NOT calls with actual therapy clients; those are absolutely private and confidential. All these calls came in on The Dr. Susan Block Show, broadcasting live on radio & TV (including HBO) since 1992, and on the Internet since 1997. For more recent clips & shows, visit our other channel Youtube.com/DrSusanBlock. Some of our content is censored for YouTube. To see it uncensored, visit DrSusanBlock.com. This channel is sponsored by drsusanblockinstitute.com. To speak privately with Dr. Block or one of our other therapists, call 626-461-5950.

Call Us Now: [callus]

What is it about a mother's touch? Her unconditional love? Her soft, warm, reassuring often rather big breasts? Maybe it's discipline you crave...Only Mommy can really give you that spanking you deserve for being a very bad little boy...and then cuddle and nurse you once you've done your penance and proven yourself to be Mommy's good boy...

Are you haunted by a "mommy fetish," incest fantasies or memories of your mom, stepmother, grandmother, aunt, mother-in-law or other family member(s) or mother figure(s) that you need to understand?

AffairHub calls Dr. Susan Block the "Master of... Mother Fantasies" and "the connection between  mother figures and sexual repression" who "helps [you] to get to the root of [your] issues"

Are you a Momma's Boy? Do you long to be an adult baby in diapers under Mommy's control? Did your mother, aunt, granny or stepmom ever walk in on you masturbating or did you walk in on her getting undressed or taking a shower?  Did you sniff Mommy's panties from the hamper?

Was your mother "inappropriately" erotic or flirtatious with you while you were growing up?  Is she still that way?  Is your mom just too hot for you to resist--at least in fantasy?

Do you need to talk about your forbidden desire to have real sex with your hot mom?  Are you actually having or have you had sex with your mother, but there's no one to whom you can talk about it?  You can talk to us.

Then again, maybe you're not even thinking about your real mother, but a fantasy mom that drives you wild in ways your real mother never has, maybe someone like Kay Parker who plays Barbara Scott, the hot mom in the legendary "Taboo" film series who has passionate sex with both of her sons.   FYI:  The Institute's director, Dr. Susan Block, has a cameo role in Taboo 4, playing herself.

Whether you'd like to explore the past, cope with the present, assess the future or roleplay a fantasy, the Dr. Susan Block Institute is the Mother of All Phone Services.

The world-renowned telephone sex therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences are experts in the "Mom Fetish" and can talk with you about it both in terms of 1) reality and its inherent problems, and 2) fantasy and its myriad pleasures.

Need to talk to someone about something you can't talk about with anyone else? You Can Talk To Us. For more information, call us, 24 hours a day at [callus].

Call Us Now: [callus]

Do you think you're a "sex addict"? Has anyone ever called you one?

Do you suspect that you need sex more than the average person?  Do you find yourself masturbating more than you feel is right, spending too much of your time on porn or too much of your money on phone sex or strip clubs, obsessing over certain types of sex, fetishes or fantasies? Are you searching for or engaging in high risk sex so often that it gets in the way of your everyday life?  Do you have trouble taking responsibility for your sexual choices and behaviors?  Do you feel "out of control," sexually speaking?

Have you tried time and time again to stop your unmanageable, self-destructive sexual behavior and failed?

So, do you think you're "addicted" to sex? Did someone say you were? Or that you're "oversexed"? Hypersexual? A love junkie? A porn addict? A nymphomaniac?  A phone sex addict?   Do you think they might be right? Do you need help understanding, coping, surrendering,  coping, managing, gaining control or getting perspective?

Need to talk to someone about something you can't talk about with anyone else? You Can Talk To Us.

Unlike those hysterical anti-sex nuts and "sex addictionologists" out there who rush to call everyone whose sexuality they find objectionable a "sex addict," the world-renowned telephone sex therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences know the difference between a serious sex problem and a big, healthy erotic appetite.

We'd prefer NOT to label people as  "sex addicts"--in part, because "sex addiction" is not a clearly defined psychological disorder, and much of what passes for "sex addiction treatment" is moralizing, judgmental, unscientific and harmful to the individual, the couple and society.

But if you or someone close to you has a real problem with sex, we can help you work your way through it towards a happy, sane sex life. Even if you don't have a problem, you might have a question you need answered or an issue you'd like to explore. We are the experts in all matters of sex, love and libido.  Anytime you need to talk, 24 hours a day, we are just a phone call away, and you can call us at [callus].

Recommended Reading: Sex Addiction by Susan Block, PhD Watch The Myth of Sex Addiction to a Sex Addicts' Orgy on The Dr. Susan Block Show