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KINK

Another Guide for the Perplexed (with apologies to Maimonides)

 

“Sex comes to most of us with a twist.”
―Iris Murdoch, The Nice and the Good

Kink is in the air, whether it shocks you to your core or leaves you wanting more.

Kink is everywhere, in the clothes you dare to wear, the body parts you bare, the language(s) you speak and even the foods you eat.

Kinks of various kinds pervade art, entertainment, media, technology, business, sports, gaming, politics and protest, not to mention human sexuality, romances, relationships and your deepest secret fantasies.

Susan Marilyn Block, Ph.D., Director of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences.

Personally, I enjoy a variety of kinks (see below), and I often mix them, like tasty spices and saucy sauces, into the main meal of my marriage.

As a sexologist and sex therapist in private practice for over 30 years, as well as a talk show host  and best-selling author who deals with sensitive sexual subjects, I’ve helped thousands of people to accept, express and enjoy their kinky feelings, handle their related problems, and share their kinks and fetishes consensually with fellow adult kinksters, or even with someone new. Very often, helping someone to handle their kink(s) is a gateway to guiding them into a better, healthier, happier life in general.

So… how kinky are you? Do you want to be kinkier? Or maybe not so kinky?

Is your favorite kink an erotic pleasure beyond compare or a deep dark secret you’re afraid to share?

Or is it a complex kinky combo of the two?

 

The Joy of Kink

Come with me on a fascinating, stimulating, sex educational journey  through the dazzling and powerful, yet often perplexing and hazardous world of kink in history, art, entertainment, relationships, fashion, food, religion, politics, protest, love, war and your brain.

First, let’s define our terms. In conversation, dissertations and pillow talk, people use the word “kink”  to convey a multitude of ideas, objects, turn-ons, turn-offs, activities and fantasies in a million different ways, some of which are “kink-positive,” others negative, and many are very confused.

Virtually any fetish could be considered kinky, though a kink isn’t necessarily a fetish.

So, what does kink mean?

Before the word entered the sexual lexicon, the original meaning of “kink” was—and still is—a “twist,” “bend,” “curve” or “turn,” such as a “kink” in the road or “kinky hair.” The word kink was first recorded in the 1670s as a Dutch nautical term for a twist or knot in a rope, probably related to the Old Icelandic or Norse kikna, meaning “to bend at the knees.”

Over a century later, in 1803, U.S. President and consummate wordsmith Thomas Jefferson took the word “kink” out of the mundane world of ropes and roads and into the psychological realm by writing about a “mental twist, a whim.”

With all those knotty ropes, bent knees and twisted Jeffersonian whims, I’m sure many 19th century individuals *in the know* were saying—or at least whispering—the word “kinky” to describe or at least suggest bent, curvy or twisted sex, as well.

T.JEFFERSON CARTOON, 1809.
‘Intercourse or Impartial Dealings.’ An American cartoon of 1809 by “Peter Pencil” showing President Thomas Jefferson being robbed by England (King George) and Napoleon as a result of Jefferson’s embargo policy.

After all, an erotic kink is also a twist, curve or turn away from conventional, “straight” and narrow, “vanilla,” penis-in-vagina (PIV) sexual activity between husband and wife for procreational purposes only, under the covers with the lights out. Anything else would be fair game to be designated kinky, and by the mid-20th century, it officially was.

The problem was—and still is—that so many people have such strong disapproving opinions about unconventional sexuality, that they can’t resist imposing negative value judgments on kink… even in dictionaries!

I’ll bet you know people like that.  I certainly do.

As of this writing, Dictionary.com defines kink as “bizarre or unconventional sexual preferences or behavior” and the Cambridge Dictionary explains it as “a strange habit, usually of a sexual nature.”

Bizarre? Strange? While these definitions might have some validity—and giggle value (if you’re into poking fun at your own kinks)—they are disdainful and kink-negative.

Sure, some kinks are a little “bizarre,” like my sex therapy client who enjoys getting tarred and feathered, Puritan punishment-style.

Then there’s my ammosexual client who imagines being cuckolded by AR-15-brandishing cartoon characters with even bigger weapons between their legs.

Saran-wrapped kink. Photo: Jux Lii

However, kinks can be as sweet and wholesome as apple pie… especially if your kink is for splosh.

With a hat tip to Alex Comfort, whose Joy of Sex: A Gourmet Guide to Lovemaking was a Bible for the Sexual Revolution of the 1970s, come let us explore the joy of kink.

 

Need to Work the Kinks Out?

“Girl, you really got me goin’
You got me so I don’t know what I’m doin’
Yeah, you really got me now
You got me so I can’t sleep at night”
The Kinks

In many definitions, “kink” denotes something that needs to be fixed or straightened out…such as “a kink in your back” (ouch!) or the idea that “we need to work out the kinks.”

That could be true, as The Kinks themselves would sing, your kinks could keep you up all night or get you into trouble.

However, it’s just as possible that exploring your kinks—consensually and responsibly—turns out to be one of the greatest, most exciting, most meaningful, healing, enlightening and therapeutic parts of your life.

Enjoying a little kink with Mo Johnson and Amor Hilton on DrSuzy.Tv. Photo: Jux Lii

It could even work out that nasty kink in your back!

Is a Fetish a Kink?

A kink can be physical or psychological, and usually, it’s both.  The same is true of a sexual fetish, which is a profound, undeniable, erotic desire for something. It can be anything, but not just anything.

A fetish is something special—at least, for the fetishist. It could be for an inanimate object, activity or situation. It could be a yearning for something, perhaps an article of clothing, such as high heels, lingerie, a boot or a burqa; or a body part, like breasts, butts, feet or hair. One could also have a fetish for an activity, like watching, being watched, spanking or being spanked; or a situation, such as a mistress/slave, teacher/student, doctor/patient, seductress/neophyte, goddess/gangbang or cuckold/hotwife/bull relationship.

Some psychologists call this strong, deep-seated, sometimes compulsive, erotic need a “paraphilia,” but that’s medically loaded, so we’ll stick with “fetish” for now.

Whatever the fetish object, activity or situation might be, the fetishist invests great power into it. The fetish object might exude great sexual power for the fetishist, great religious power, or perhaps a mixture of both.

In the classic sense, the sexual fetishist requires the fetish object—or at least, a fantasy of the fetish object—in order to have sex. The male fetishist needs this thing, activity, situation or fantasy to get an erection; he cannot get excited without it, and he may become obsessed with it.

If latex turns you on, it’s a kink. If you need it for orgasm, it’s also a fetish. My Latex Dress: Mademoiselle Ilo.

For the human female, sexual arousal and fetishism are a little more mysterious and difficult to pinpoint. One could say that the female fetishist needs the fetish object to desire or enjoy sex. More often, it seems that human females attempt to excite male fetishistic desire.

So, what’s the difference between a kink and a fetish?

Technically, the term “kink” doesn’t indicate the same intense need as the term “fetish.” Virtually any fetish could be considered kinky, though a kink isn’t necessarily a fetish.

That’s the clinical difference, but in the real world, there’s a lot of overlap, and people often use the terms interchangeably.

Kink can be good, bad or neutral for the individual, the couple and/or society. Usually, I think, kink is good! Read on to find out why…

Are You into Taboo?

“If I tell you
If I tell you now
Will you keep on
Will you keep on loving me?
If I tell you
If I tell you how I feel
Will you keep bringing out the best in me?
You give me the sweetest taboo…
…. There’s a quiet storm
And it never felt this hot before
Giving me something that’s taboo”
Sade

Kink can be a little—or a lot—taboo.

It may be as public, legal, harmless and heart-warming as wearing a diamond-studded collar with a heart locket given to you by your beloved spouse.

Nevertheless, there is always a forbidden “Sweetest Taboo,” a transgressive element to kink, something that’s a little (or a lot) “off” the beaten track, with an edge of danger, even if trust is strong and all safety precautions have been taken.

 

The word taboo stems from the Fijian “tabu,” Polynesian “tapu” and Hawaiian “kapu,” all of which mean “not to be touched.” This is not because the taboo object is gross or dirty, but because it is extremely sacred, a religious object forbidden to the uninitiated.

Interestingly, many such sacred objects were and are phallic in nature, such as a flute, spear, baton or totem pole, or round and vaginal like a bowl, chalice or the Holy Grail.

Of course, these strict prohibitions render the “tabu” very intimidating, but they also make the uninitiated extremely curious and perhaps aroused by touching—or just thinking about touching—that which is taboo.

As the great French mid-20th century erotic philosopher, Georges Bataille, said, “transgression” is a cornerstone of human eroticism. That is, sometimes we’re turned on by something we also find wrong, shameful, humiliating or forbidden.

In Eroticism: Death & Sensuality, Bataille discussed civilized humanity’s ongoing struggle between sensuous pleasure and shame that generates eroticism and, to a certain extent, kink.

Shame is a horrible feeling… [but it] is also an essential component of the forbidden boundaries that we find so exciting to transgress, tease, crisscross, break, spank, overthrow or just throw out the window of inhibition.

A lot of people use the terms “shame” and “guilt” interchangeably. Though they are related, they mean very different things.

You feel guilt when you feel badly about something you did, like cheating, stealing or hurting someone. In many cases, guilt is an appropriate feeling for having done wrong, though we often blow it out of proportion.

You feel shame when you feel badly about who or what you are. Shame is almost never appropriate but, unfortunately, we all know the feeling. Shame is that terrible feeling of self-blame that comes over us like a hot flash of mortification following a perceived failure, or the fear of being disgraced. Unlike guilt, which is usually over something you did recently, shame is most often rooted in childhood trauma. One of the worst aspects of childhood trauma-rooted shame is that it tends to inhibit us—sexually and otherwise—through adulthood.

Goddess Soma Snakeoil embraces Boi after a particularly kinky session on the bondage cross. Photo: Moriah Diamond

 

So, shame is really bad, right? Well, yes, for the most part, shame is horrible, painful, debilitating, irrational and can lead to harming yourself or others. Lurking fearfully and tearfully among our vast spectrum of emotions, shame can be a monster in penitent’s clothing.

However, as Bataille points out, shame is also an essential component of the forbidden boundaries that we find so exciting to transgress, tease, crisscross, break, spank, overthrow or just throw out the window of inhibition.

Engaging in nonconsensual kinks, like coercive or inappropriate sex, yet channeling those urges through consensual BDSM, is a great way to find that arousing erotic friction, release, adventure and fulfillment.

 

The consenting adult enjoyment of kink can be a positive, even therapeutic solution to processing childhood trauma as well as everyday problems like stress, anxiety and loneliness, not to mention horniness.

Sexual kinks can cause problems—sometimes big problems, like drug addiction, divorce, crippling shyness, sexual assault and even homicide.

However, if handled with care, they can be the opposite of a problem. Indeed, the consenting adult enjoyment of kink can be a positive, even therapeutic solution to processing childhood trauma as well as everyday issues like stress, anxiety and loneliness, not to mention horniness.

As long as you can handle them responsibly, be grateful for your kinks!

COMMON SEXUAL KINKS

There are as many kinks as there are people.

Actually, there are more, since the majority of kinksters enjoy more than one kink. However, the following are some of the most popular, according to surveys and my own anecdotal (but considerable!) experience as a sex therapist in private practice since 1991, as well as hosting shows and bacchanals celebrating “Kink Month” every October since 2015.

I’ve considered myself kinky since my first Threshold Society play party back in 1989. I was blown away! I only wish I could have read an article like this before I attended that party. Instead, I embarrassed myself by interrupting a scene to ask the smiling, shackled woman at the center of it if she was “all right.” She was. But talk about breaking the mood! Fortunately, she and everyone else there laughed good-naturedly at my naïveté and proceeded to teach me the ways of kink.

Getting a much-deserved spanking (a couple decades later) for rudely interrupting the first Threshold Society scene I ever saw.

Indeed, we can all learn from past mistakes–kinks in the road of life–and hopefully you can learn from some of mine.

If your favorite kink isn’t here, never fear! Check out our “What Can We Talk About?” page, call my show on Saturday nights (626.461.5212) or, if you need to talk privately, call our kink-positive Therapists Without Borders anytime: 213.291.9497.

The ABCs of BDSM

Though there are almost as many different kinks as there are stars in the sky, a lot of them fit under the Big Tent of BDSM, which breaks down to Bondage & Discipline (B&D), Dominance & Submission (D/s); Sadomasochism (SM).

If you want to engage in BDSM play, I recommend you study this ancient, somewhat esoteric practice, preferably with an experienced BDSM practitioner, then start light and gradually ease into more intense activity. Take classes at DomCom (check out DomCon 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020) or other BDSM conventions, or splurge on private instruction.

When engaged in responsibly, the safe, sane and consensual (SSC) exploration of BDSM can be an excellent, peaceful yet exciting and very bonoboësque channel for erotic power exchange. A step beyond SSC is RACK: Risk-Aware Consensual Kink.

That may sound like alphabet soup, but SSC RACK can be a way to express violent impulses without hurting anyone, including yourself. It can involve sexual psychodrama, safely and imaginatively releasing aggressive forces that fester in our subconscious, so they don’t explode into destructive behavior.

American Ammosexuality is out of control. The uniforms can be sexy, but keep all real guns and ammo OUT of kink play! Photo: L’Erotique

In our modern militaristic, ammosexual culture, it’s no surprise that many of us have violent fantasies and desires. Of course, acting on these fantasies nonconsensually would be unethical and criminal, not to mention heinous. So… what to do about them?

Complete suppression is usually the only solution on the table, even though it has long been proven to be ineffective and, for many, impossible.

What about BDSM? It’s certainly no panacea, and kinksters can be abusers like anyone else. However, the conscientious practice of safe, sane and consensual BDSM can effectively channel these feelings, even helping to curb domestic violence and perhaps other types of violence as well.

Studies have yet to be done on this subject, but based on over three decades of experience as a sex therapist, a relationship counselor and a kinkster, I say: Yes! Kink can be that healing.

Can conscientious kink practice help to foster conditions for world peace? Considering the chances of WWIII, it’s worth a try. So, on a recent FDR podcast, we sounded the antiwar kinkster’s *battle cry*:

MAKE KINK NOT WAR!

Domination & submission

“There’s a new game
We like to play you see
A game with added reality
You treat me like a dog
Get me down on my knees
We call it master and servant
It’s a lot like life…
Domination’s the name of the game
In bed or in life
They’re both just the same
Except in one you’re fulfilled
At the end of the day
Let’s play master and servant”
Depeche Mode 

Consensual sexual domination—when one partner takes charge and the other voluntarily gives up their power—is a cornerstone of kink, and submission is its flip side. D/s could involve body worship, impact play, bondage, humiliation, sissy maid service a “money slave” relationship or any number of other activities involving power exchange.

This seems like a good time to note that the kinky *games* old Tommy Jefferson played with his longtime sex slave Sally Hemings were wrong because he actually—legally—did own her. We will never know if Sally had a good time with Tom because she was never allowed to make that choice to be with him. Unlike Sally, a consenting adult kinky BDSM “slave” can choose to stop the scene and/or leave any time they want. Their “slavery” is just an illusion (or should be). Nevertheless, it can be very powerful.

It’s also very popular. According to a 2016 study in the Journal of Sex Research, 47% of women and 60% of men fantasized about dominating a partner. A YouGovAmerica study showed that 53% of Americans say that they enjoy dominance or submission, with the most common answer (28%) being that they like being both at different times. About a third (33%) say that they don’t want to be either dominant or submissive, while 14% either don’t know or “prefer not to say.”

Something tells me that those that “don’t know” or “prefer not to say” are the kinkiest of all. My guess is that they enjoy some kind of submission since folks tend to be most embarrassed to admit to that…

Would you be a “slave” to the right Master or Mistress? Photo: Moriah Diamond

It’s funny how ashamed so many of us are of our yearning for sexual surrender; even though, when you think about it, surrender is an essential aspect of orgasm.

However, surrender may be expressed in some seemingly odd and disturbing ways, like humiliation, i.e., being stepped on literally or figuratively, sexually denigrated in some fashion—such as being called a “dirty slut,” “worthless turd,” “pencil-dick,” “piggy bank” or “cum receptacle.”  To an outside observer, this might seem crazy; why would someone get aroused from being degraded and seemingly exploited?

The answer is complicated and varies from person to person. For example, if humiliation is your kink, you might have a sexual anxiety so great—such as fear you’ll be exposed as the horny loser you think you are or that someone will laugh at your penis—that your libido actually floods your bloodstream with arousal to kill the (emotional) pain before it kills you. So yes, your humiliation kink might be saving your life.

Freedom is the greatest aphrodisiac, but restraint is a close second.

Nevertheless, it’s confusing, unnerving and can be very tough to talk about… even though talking about it with someone who cares and understands is often the best thing for you.

If you’re struggling with your own desires for humiliation or other controversial forms of erotic domination, it might benefit you to talk with a therapist, a very knowledgeable dominatrix or another kink professional.

DomCon Mistress/submissive Ritual Photo. Photo: Juan

The Therapists Without Borders at the Dr. Susan Block Institute are experts in these areas, and your confidentiality is guaranteed. Call us anytime you need to talk: 213.291.9497.

Bondage

Bondage, aka restraint, is a popular kink, and not just because of those kinks in the ropes!

I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: Freedom is the greatest aphrodisiac, but restraint is a close second.

Satirizing “Enhanced Interrogations” of Kink Supermodel Dita Von Teese in Shibari Rope Bondage (2001)

Besides those eternally kinky ropes (jute being a favorite), types of bondage might include handcuffs, shackles, collars, straightjackets, spreader bars, harnesses or four “50 Shades of Grey” silk ties fastened securely around your wrists and ankles. There’s also psychological bondage. Before engaging in certain types of bondage, you might sign a “binding” contract which, though it lends a certain seriousness to the proceedings, probably wouldn’t hold up in a court of law.

In a typical bondage scene, you might also be blindfolded, hooded, muzzled, dominated, restrained by a ball gag, locked up in a chastity belt, strapped down to a medical examination table, put into a posture collar, led around on a leash, shut up in a cage, zipped into a sleep sack, suspended from the ceiling, put into a sling, turned into a piece of human art with beautiful Japanese Shibari or Kinbaku, tied spread-eagle to a four-poster bed or latched onto a St. Andrews’s Cross while being spanked or flogged.  Then again, for some of us, the kinkiest form of (psychological) bondage is the wedding ring.

For more about bondage and how it can be used for pleasure, adventure, personal discovery and healing therapy, click Bondage Therapy.

Spanking

“Dick and Jane were on a date
Dicky said it’s getting late
How’s about a little kiss?
Well, Jane grabbed her ankles and said how about this:
Why don’t you smack my bottom?
Smack my bottom!
Won’t you smack my bottom ’till my tiny little heiny glows?”
The Wetspots

To spank means “to strike or slap the buttocks, usually with the palm of the hand,” according to Webster’s. Spankings may be given for real punishment—as in spanking children against their will—or pleasure—as in spanking among consenting adults.

Spanking Nina Hartley with The Bonobo Way. Photo: Jux Lii

 

Spanking children isn’t kinky; it’s child abuse.

On the other hand, erotic consensual adult spanking is one of the most popular kinks there is, whether or not you were spanked as a child.

The pain-laced pleasures of adult “erotic spanking” range from light slaps on the butt during lovemaking to more formal, over-the-knee (OTK) roleplay to a mistress smacking her naughty slave’s reddened rear within their D/s (dominance and submission) lifestyle.

Ms. C practicing therapeutic impact play. Photo: Ajay

Here at the Institute, we love consenting adult spanking of all kinds, including impact play with whips, floggers, paddles, books (read it or get red from it!) or belts—with or without roleplay.

We certainly do a lot of spanking on DrSuzy.Tv, especially on certain holidays like Spanksgiving, Lupercalia, Krampus, Full Moons, Happy Nude Rear parties, birthdays and all through Kink Month. Not only do many of our shows—from Spanking the tRump Turkey on Spanksgiving to Lupercalian Whipping to A Spankophiliacs Delight (warning: this one includes very hard spanking)—feature impact play, we have created several excellent spanking education resources for you.

Want more? Of course, you do! Click on these links:

Body Part Kinks

Breasts – The most common all-American fetish might be the one so many men—and a lot of women—have for the female chest, perhaps connected to our deep need for nurturance. Find out more about breasts, boobs, nipples, mammaries, lactating, the all-natural bosom vs. surgically enhanced porn star boobs, coitus a mammalia and more—plus what it all means and how it can (seriously!) heal you—under Breast Therapy.

Buttocks – Coming in for a close second as America’s (and the world’s) favorite fetish would be a “nice butt”… but what is “nice”? What’s the bottom line? That depends on the fanny fetishist, their culture and personal taste.  Some “like big butts and [they] cannot lie.” Others prefer cute little buns, a heart-shaped ass, a strong muscular posterior or a soft cushy tushy, a panty-clad bottom or a stripped bare derrière. Some butt-lovers are into anal sex, doggy-style, spanking, squeezing, licking or worshipping that fine behind.

But… what about the person with the “nice” butt? Assuming all is consensual (no pinching without permission!), the bottom is truly the “seat” of human pleasure, physiologically speaking, with lots of touch-responsive nerve endings that are in deliciously close proximity to the genitalia. Since there also tends to be a fair amount of padding down there, it is not so sensitive to consensually administered pain. And yes, a lot of people have a fetish for having their own butt played with! For more about butts, see the Spanking Links above or click on Anal Sex Therapy.

Feet – A kink for feet is a little less common than boobs or buns, but foot fetishists are a passionate bunch. Not that they usually come in bunches, as many are embarrassed to admit to their kink. Nevertheless, once upon a time, here at the Institute, we held fabulous Foot Fetish Salons with massage, tickling, trampling and foot bondage workshops, followed by shrimping cocktails and tequila toe shots, a few of which are featured in our classic Feet for Lovers video.

Playing Footsie on F.D.R. Radio.

For more foot fetish information, try playing footsie with these links:

Ejaculate Male and female ejaculation are normal aspects of sex and climax. Most of us enjoy orgasm, of course—though women squirting is controversial and even banned by some governments that confuse female ejaculate or amrita with urine.

However, some people have an intense fetish for cum (or come). This is one kink that is probably enhanced by frequent porn-viewing—especially in terms of male orgasm or semen—as so much of straight and gay male porn focuses on the “money shot.”  In case you’re wondering why “ejaculate” is in this Body Part section, it’s because just before you shoot, your cum was part of your body.

Medical Kinks

How about “playing doctor”? Are you aroused by giving or receiving a medical exam or other “sexy nurse,” doctor or patient fantasies? These are some of the more common medical kinks, and with hospitals and health workers of all kinds looming large through the Coronapocalypse in our lives and in the media, medical fantasies are more popular—though also more taboo—than ever.

 

Knowledge is power, and sexual knowledge is sexual power. 

One rather controversial type of medical kink that’s been in the news is the anesthesia or sleep fetish, an offshoot being Sleeping Beauty Syndrome, which actor Bill Cosby was convicted  of engaging in nonconsensually, though that conviction was overturned.

Obviously, pharmaceutical and medical kinks like this can be extremely dangerous when pursued irresponsibly. However, kink-positive therapy and sex education can help you to enjoy them in a safe, sane, consensual manner.

Exhibitionism & Voyeurism

Almost everyone wants to see and/or be seen. These are the driving forces of voyeurism and exhibitionism, as well as the entire entertainment industry (not limited to porn) and social media.

What does it mean to be seen? To be seen is to be immortal, if only for a moment, through the eyes of another. Triumphant. Shining like a star. Recognized. Celebrated. For that moment, you might feel you rule the world. You are an “influencer”—of billions or just one special witness to your wonderfulness. That’s the thrill of exhibitionism.

A Fiery Exhibitionist (the Great Cat Imperio, aka “The Anal Artist”) surrounded by voyeurs. Photo: Jux Lii

What about seeing? To see is to go behind the curtain, to gain knowledge of the taboo, a taste of the apple or the delicious eye (or ear) candy, the euphoria of esoteric awareness.

Knowledge is power, and sexual knowledge is sexual power. No wonder you feel so excited and even powerful when you see someone or something special that turns you on. No wonder we all can appreciate the erotic thrills of voyeurism

We may or may not call ourselves voyeurs. However, at least sometimes, all of us like to watch.

Pansexuality

Do you enjoy sex with more than one partner… maybe even at the same time? Are you drawn to threesomes, swinging, orgies, play parties, designer relationships or consensual gangbangs? Perhaps you’re not such a party animal, but you still like sexual variety, preferring polyamory, which means “many loves,” not just many lovers.

Call it communal ecstasy… like you’re at the best concert ever, plus orgasms.

Whether you’re only fantasizing or living the dream, all of these sex and relationship forms could be considered “kinky,” since they are all nonmonogamous. Most human societies around the world promote, endorse and sometimes compel “monogamy”—which has different meanings, but generally entails being sexually exclusive with one person for life—usually the person to whom you’re married.

There’s nothing wrong with monogamy. In fact, for me personally and probably for most people, private couple sex is the most intimate, meaningful kind of sex there is. However, there is also something very special and truly wonderful about the “collective joy” (with a hat tip to Barbara Ehrenreich) of group sex that partner sex simply cannot duplicate. Call it communal ecstasy…like you’re at the best concert ever, plus orgasms.

In a way, nonmonogamy is more natural than monogamy. That’s why so many people cheat!

Bonobos, whose Latin name pan paniscus conveys their affinity for pansexuality (named for the Greek god Pan, Lord of the Wild), are our closest great ape cousins. Along with common chimpanzees (pan troglodyte), bonobos have been practicing consensual nonmonogamy for many thousands of years—at least. Moreover, the bonobo *brand* of nonmonogamy is a cornerstone of their lifestyle, since it is a vital aspect of the bonobos’ ability to make “peace through pleasure” in their communities.

Bacchanalian Orgy in the Womb Room. Photo: Irwin

Do bonobos ever get jealous? Of course, they do. But love is not a zero-sum game for them, and they just have ways to work it out through sex and affections. For instance, among humans and bonobos, the best cure for a lover’s quarrel (as long as it’s not over anything serious) is kinky make-up sex.

Our Great Ape nature is to share our love and lust, yet most of our strictly monogamous human societies denounce pansexuality in all its various forms, sometimes condemning it as “Satanic,” and certainly giving it that taboo quality that can turn any natural erotic feeling into a kink.

Of course, I’m just scratching the surface of pansexuality here, so click on the links with the pansexual kinks that most appeal to you:

Group Sex Therapy
Sex at Dawn” interview with Dr. Christopher Ryan
Ethical Slut” interview with author Janet W. Hardy
American Swing
Multiamory Show
Designer Relationships
Gangbang Sex Therapy
Pansensuality Show
Pan in Lupercalia 2020
Bonobo Nonmonogamy lecture
Bonobo Nonmonogamy journal
#GoBonobos in 2022

Cuckolding

“She’s my best friend’s girl
But she used to be mine”
The Cars

Cuckolding is a special kind of pansexual kink, and the cuckold is a very special kind of kinkster.  He (though “cuckqueens” exist, the typical cuckold is a “he”) is sexually aroused by the fantasy or reality of his sexual partner—usually his wife, girlfriend, or a woman he finds attractive, often called a “hotwife”—having sex with another partner, most likely a virile, well-endowed man, called a “bull.”

Cuckolding could be centered on consensual kink—which is usually best for all involved—or it could involve cheating (not recommended). Cuckold fantasies are extremely common; in part, because they are driven by a basic biological phenomenon called “Sperm Wars.”

However, many cuckold fetishists feel torn and fraught with anxiety over being aroused by something so denigrated in society. Ironically, that conflict itself tends to create greater arousal. Like most kinks, it’s best to accept the desire for cuckolding, though it need not always be acted upon in real life.

For more about cuckoldry, click…

More Kinks More Fun

Don’t see your particular kink or fetish listed here? Have no fear! There are many more below, and even more on our “What Can We Talk About?” page.

Listen Up, Class! Photo: L’Erotique

And here’s an even more extensive List of Kinks, as well as here and here, with everything under the sun, including the sun itself, which some people with “actirasy” find arousing. See, it’s not just bikinis that turn on the beach bums.

Gender Fluid Kink

Nowadays, “gender” is a psychologically and politically freighted term. People have strong ideas about what’s right and wrong in all shades of the gender spectrum (who you are)—as well as in terms of sexual orientation (who you like)—and some are fighting hard for their ideas to gain or maintain acceptance. There’s a lot at stake.

Adding erotic fuel to the gender fires, arousal isn’t always politically correct. In fact, it’s often unintentionally the opposite of what you believe is “right,” as part of the excitement of kink lies in its taboo nature and shock value.

True transgender people aren’t necessarily kinky, and their transition isn’t a kink; it’s their life.

 

Some call it “the best of both worlds.”

On the other hand, there are many folks of all genders who enjoy crossdressing or sissification just for the kink of it. For some, especially the sissies, the more politically incorrect, the kinkier!

On the other side of the equation, there are many folks who have a kink or fetish for lovers who are transgender.

Something about the combination of so-called male and female characteristics drives some sexually people wild.

It’s more popular than you might think, since many trans admirers are embarrassed to talk about it.

It may be politically incorrect to say, but some call it “the best of both worlds.”

Need to talk privately about your trans interests, desires, problems or fantasies? Call our Therapists Without Borders anytime at 213.291.9497. We’re here for you.

Kink in Nature

Humans aren’t the only kinky creatures on the planet. In fact, I often call bonobos the “kinkiest apes on Earth” as they enjoy many of the kinks I’ve described here.

That is, they engage in a variety of consensual erotic behaviors that are not for procreation purposes, or really any *purpose* other than pleasure. Keep in mind that pleasure is a very important, worthy purpose, especially in Bonoboville. That simple exchange of kinky pleasures makes bonobos the Most Peaceful Apes on Earth, never seen killing each other in the wild or captivity. Kink is also the basis for bonobo bisexuality, ecosexuality, bonobo female empowerment, male well-being and bonobos’ penchant for sharing, making them the Most Socialist Apes on Earth, as well.

Does that mean if humans were kinkier, we’d be more peaceful, female-empowered, male-nurturing and egalitarian? Does being consensually kinky mean valuing lust over greed?  I certainly think so, and that’s one of the principles of “releasing your inner bonobo” through practicing The Bonobo Way.

Playing Footsie with Bonobo Lana at the San Diego Zoo. Photo: Theron Marx

Humans and bonobos aren’t the only ones. Many nonhuman animals indulge in kinky activities. Haven’t you ever had a dog hump your leg?

I’m not trying to encourage bestiality (on the contrary), so hold your horses on that notion (then again, Adam Driver as a centaur is pretty hot). I just want you to rest assured that, in general, your kinks are perfectly natural, and we perverted humans aren’t the only kinksters-in-residence on this planet.

Most of nature is quite kinky.

It’s the dirty—as in polluting—aspects of humanity that are the problem… not our kinkiness!

Pro Tip: Just because kink is as natural as any kind of sex doesn’t make it good. If you want kink–or any kind of sex–to be good, you have to learn a thing or too. But then, that’s why you’re reading this!

Kink and Culture

Though the rest of nature is at least as kinky as we are, over the millennia, we humans have put our unique anthropocene spin on kink through our culture, art, architecture, technology and politics.

Viewing a Venus of Willendorf replica at the Erotic Museum in Las Vegas. Photo: Jux Lii

It’s difficult to say just where erotica ends and “regular” art begins—especially “in the beginning.”  Arguably, the first form of human performance art may well have been kinky dancing. The oldest sculpted art piece in the world, the Venus of Willendorf (24,00-22,00 B.C.E.)—big breasts, belly, hair and a distinct vulva, but no face—is pretty kinky. Is it goddess worship or prehistoric objectification or both? Some have even called it a sex toy.

Heresy? Hardly. Many of the most respected artists in history, now enshrined in our most honored museums, including the Vatican (hello kinky Michelangelo), were considered kinky in their day.

Revolutionary art like Picasso’s Cubist Demoiselles of the brothel—as well as fascist, state sanctioned art, like Leni Riefenstahl’s Triumph of the Will—can be considered kinky, twists and bends in the ropes of tradition that shock and disturb some people, while arousing and inspiring others, and sometimes shocking and arousing at the same time.

Of course, kinks of all kinds can be found in popular music. From the Beatles to Marvin Gaye, Prince, MJ, Depeche Mode, Sade, Cardi B, Lil Nas X and the list goes on, musicians have thrived on kink. And let’s not forget our favorite kinky song, inspired by the Bonobo Way, that you often hear during kinky scenes on DrSuzy.Tv, Carmina Formosa’s “The Kinkster.”

Special mention goes to that great British Invasion band of the 1970s, The Kinks, whose name is the same as this article and whose hit song “Lola,” about a comic-romantic encounter with a crossdresser, would now be considered politically incorrect but back then, was revolutionary, wry and very kink-positive.

 

 Kinky Fashion

“It will make or break him
so he’s a got to buy the best
cause he’s a
Dedicated Follower of Fashion”
The Kinks

Kink is a huge part of fashion, from the boudoir to the Met Gala to the street.

One of the most popular categories of fetish clothing is “intimate” wear, including lingerie, stockings or pantyhose, panties, high heels, boots, corsets and more. However, any type of fashion can be kinky, such as a latex catsuit, a cowboy hat, a bikini, a nun’s habit, superhero costume—whatever gets you off when you put it on.

The late great Bettie Page was the 1950s icon of fashion kink, an influencer long before there were influencers, setting the tone for many generations to come. Check out my extremely rare 1996 interview with the incomparable Bettie Page.

Program from our 1996 Interview with Bettie Page. Design: Maximillian R. Lobkowicz

Sultry Dita Von Teese, who attended our Bettie Page interview when she was just 19 and who did another interview on DrSuzy.Tv while engaged to the ultra-kinky and controversial rock star, Marilyn Manson, is another paragon of kink fashion.

Texture is as important as style, popular choices being leather (deliciously animalistic, but politically incorrect for animal rights sympathizers), lace (somewhat see-through and oh, so romantic), latex (gives you that slinky second-skin feeling) or nylon (divinely stretchy, semitransparent and nostalgic).

Uniforms are often considered kinky, including military (all branches, but especially sailors), school, athletic, police, firefighter, nurse and the uniformed fashion kinks march on.

Conveying eroticism, beauty, horror, mystery and mastery, as well as concealing the mask wearer’s identity, the mask has been an important part of kinky fashion… since there were masks (going back at least 9,000 years)!

One could say, in a way, masks have always been kinky—twisting and turning the features of the human face to obscure one’s identity or for dramatic effect. As of this writing, with the Coronapocalypse still raging off and on, masks are also protective (as they were against various plagues throughout history). Learn more about kinky, sexy masks in “Masks Are Sexy.”

Some fashion isn’t so obviously kinky—like business suits, chef’s aprons or skating skirts—but kinksters-in-the-know just know.

Very often, kinky clothing connects to another kink, such as adult baby diapers connect to golden showers and mommy fantasies.

We heard Dave Bautista had a kink for strippers, so we surrounded him with several. Photo: Thonix

As in all types of fashion, there are trendsetters. Celebrities contribute a lot to kinky fashion, though they also copy it, from Madonna to Rihanna, Lady Gaga, Cardi B, Miley Cyrus, Kanye, Beyonce and so many more, serviced by subtly (or not so subtly) kinky high-fashion designers like Thierry Mugler, Alexander McQueen and Versace, influenced by underground sex workers, Goth gals and Dominatrices.

Sometimes, kinky celebrity fashion goes beyond boots and masks into kinky emotional territory. As I write this, Kanye West is now the world’s most famous cuckold. Obviously, watching his ex-wife Kim Kardashian dating Pete Davidson is agony for Ye. But as he actively milks it for all it’s worth, blasting his public disgrace all over social and mainstream media, he also appears to be in the throes of a kind of celebrity cuckold’s ecstasy.

Literary Kink

One of the best, most sapiosexual ways to get yourself and/or your partner into a kinky mood is to read something stimulating. But what?

You might be surprised to find that some of the best kinky erotica is in the Bible. Yes indeed, Brothers and Sisters, Lovers and Sinners, sing Hallelujah and open your Old Testament to the Song of Songs and the Book of Esther, both surprisingly sex-positive. For sex-negative kink, consider hanging with the guys in Sodom and Gomorrah.

Anaïs Nin’s Delta of Venus is classic early 20th century erotica, much of it kinky, which the great diarist wrote during the Great Depression for a dollar a page. More emotional and subtly kinky are her famous diaries; read them unexpurgated.

Some of the finest, most taboo, profoundly eloquent and absolutely riveting, literary kink is in the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy (no relation to Bill Cosby’s sleep fetish!) beginning with The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty, written by the great Anne Rice (who just passed away) under the kinky pen name of A.N. Roquelaure. Many years ago, before the Interview with the Vampire author got mega-famous, I had the honor of interviewing her for an article I was writing for the San Francisco Bay Guardian about “interesting couples.” Anne’s intensely romantic relationship with her husband, Stan Rice, whom she’d met in high school (and who happened to be my English professor and chairman of the San Francisco State University Master’s degree program), was certainly “interesting.” Though the great author was much more conservative than hippie me, I was very impressed by Anne’s deep love for Stan, as well as her sparkling brilliance, wit, gothic horror stories, and her signature *kinky nun* look—high-collared white lace blouse and black maxi-skirt that matched her bangs crowning her cascades of jet-black hair. A couple years later, when I was just learning about BDSM, a more experienced kinkster turned me on to Anne’s Beauty books, and I was blown away.  A woman of many literary facets, Anne also wrote the famous erotic novel Exit to Eden under the pen name Anne Rampling, though that didn’t have the impact (for me) of her penetrating, no-holds-barred, no topics-off-limits Beauty books.

As I reflect upon Anne’s death (12.11.2021), I feel her Thanatos-enraptured spirit has come home. I also realize that Anne Rice opened an erotic dungeon door for me with her kinky Beauty.  Indeed, Anne and Stan Rice were my role models for a very special kind of wild, creative, romantic but enduring, and rather kinky love, inspiring my own marriage to Capt’n Max.

I’d also recommend the excellent kinky erotica of a few of my favorite DrSuzy.Tv guests: Stan Kent (on Urban Erotica, Pyrophilic Bday Spanking Gangbang, Spring Showers and more) tells a captivating tale of British boarding school impact play, Caning Able, that will make you laugh as it turns you on, and Eden Baylee (on Female Masturbation Education) explores intimate seasonal kink in Spring into Summer. Rachel Kramer Bussel (on Shameless Erotica and Daddy Please!) has penned and edited many great kink books, including Anything for You: Erotica for Kinky Couples, an excellent kink primer for an adventurous duo. Most of Rachel’s marvelous books and anthologies are released by Cleis Press, a major publisher of great kinky erotica and how-to books.

I’ll also mention one kinky mega-bestseller that I didn’t particularly like: 50 Shades of Grey. Due to a confluence of forces, this ultra-poorly written trilogy managed to generate a huge and passionate interest in kink from typically kink-ignorant, conservative, sex-negative and fairly sex-starved, suburban matrons. Despite—or maybe because—it’s so poorly written, it struck a nerve that showed the world at least one, very important, widely overlooked phenomenon: the most unlikely women crave kink.

Need more? Read more…
55 Most Erotic Books
Click for Some of Rachel’s Picks

 

Cinematic Kink

Films are filled with kink, whether the filmmakers intend for them to be kinky or not. It can be good or bad, light or dark, kink-positive or very negative, and your feelings about it have everything to do with you, your tastes and your desires.

Of course, kink is very popular in porn—to the point you often can’t tell where the porn ends, and the kink begins. The fact that most modern human societies offer very little in the way of explicit sex education leaves pornography as virtually the only alternative. These days, porn is so ubiquitous, it has almost as much effect on our sexuality—positive and negative—as friends, family members and role models. Thus, many people blame what they have been told is their porn “addiction” for their more controversial kinky desires.

Porn might enhance or refine your desire for certain types of kink, but it is hardly ever the root reason you feel that desire.

We can also find plenty of kink in mainstream movies where it is often presented in a negative, misinformed light, but occasionally it is handled with care, sensitivity, humor, wisdom, great artistry and intense eroticism.

Here are just a few select films and TV shows that feature kink(s). Some link to trailers, and others to the entire film. This list is by no means comprehensive or even a “best of,” just a jumping off point for your kinky film-watching endeavors.

 I’d lustily recommend all these movies and many more, but unsurprisingly, I can’t recommend 50 Shades of Grey (2015) any more than the badly written book of the same name… though the slickly produced, rather bland film did introduce some aspects of kink—and, unfortunately, a lot of misinformation about kink relationships—to millions of mostly fresh eyeballs.

That film factoid in and of itself is kinky.

Culinary Kink

Food and sex are two of the most basic, universally needed elements of life. Combine them, and it’s kinky!

Splosh ”n’ Art with Daniele Watts, Chef Belive, Gypsy Bonobo and Jiin Christou. Photo: Zane Bonobo

Here in Bonoboville, splosh is one of our favorite kinks. Check out Dr. Susan Block’s Speakeasy Journal of Splosh ‘n’ Art featuring Daniele Watts, Chef Belive and a big yummy, kinky mess.

Kink and Fantasy

“There is no limit to imagination
I’m into every type of stimulation
Getting kinky is an excitation
I gotta have that kink!”
Carmina Formosa

Fantasy may be reality’s much-maligned stepsibling, but it is a huge part of human consciousness. For better and for worse (mostly worse these days), many people live in fantasy more than reality.

Kinky, vanilla or a multi-flavored combo, your sexuality is fueled by three basic types of fantasy. There are…

1) Fantasies of your past, aka your memories filtered through time…
2) Fantasies of your future, aka your hopes and dreams, and…
3) “Pure” fantasies—wild reveries that never happened and that you never really want to have happen—but which haunt and stimulate you like a kinky parallel universe.

Kinky fantasies rise and fall like waves rippling through your brain—regardless of whether you want them to or not. You may be able to control your actions, including your speech, but you can’t control your thoughts. So don’t make like the “thought police” and bust yourself for your kinky fantasies

You might be able to force yourself to think or not think about a particular subject for a while, perhaps via distracting yourself with something else. You could try not to watch porn. As many experts advise, you could watch a cooking show, go for a walk, do yoga, call a friend, get into gardening, read a book, volunteer at a soup kitchen or maybe go to Church instead.

All of that sounds good, but is any of it really a substitute for sexual fantasy (unless you’re sitting there in the pews fantasizing about your smoking hot minister)?

Sooner or later, you will find your mind wandering back to whatever is playing in the Erotic Theater of Your Mind… which could well be that troublesome fantasy, whatever it might be.

Roleplaying Our Mystical Masked Agwa-Infused Aztec Mystical Ritual Fantasy. Photo: Unscene Abe

Fantasy is not reality; often it’s the opposite. However, sometimes a troublesome fantasy indicates a real-life problem that should be addressed. But what if you feel you can’t talk about it with anyone in your life? Maybe not even with your spouse. Maybe especially not your spouse. Or what if you’ve tried, but they’re not interested—or what if they lashed out at you?

If that’s your situation, you might consider talking with a therapist, someone who won’t judge you and who might be able to help you make sense of your feelings, as well as realize you’re not alone.

Though kinky fantasies can be problematic, they can also provide hidden mental health benefits, killing the pain of trauma and fear with arousal.  Think about it: If erotic fantasies never played in your mind’s multiplex, then your inner horror movies—or just the constant awareness of your own anxiety—could give you a heart attack!

So, be grateful for your kinky fantasies; they are gifts!

Just as your dreams can help you to cope with your real-life problems, so can your fantasies, though they tend to do so when you’re awake. Your kinky fantasies can also be keys that unlock the doors of your repressed personal history.

Sexual fantasies and erotic dreams, especially when accompanied by orgasm and perspective (not necessarily in that order), can help to release the stress and trauma of past abuse, bullying, sickness and suffering. They can also help you relive good sexual memories. However, your fantasies aren’t just about your past. They can also prepare you for the future. Fantasies can be hazy or detailed rehearsals in the erotic theater of the mind for sexual acts you haven’t yet experienced.

Kink is international, non-denominational, and even beyond human; remember, Mother Nature is a kinky MILF.

Your sexual fantasies evolve and change as you do. If they are troublesome in any way, it might be helpful to share them with a sex therapist who can help you to put them in perspective—through discussion, kink-positive roleplay, sexual psychodrama, hypnosis and other techniques—reducing their negative power over you.

For various reasons, many people struggle against their own fantasies. However, fighting fantasies is like fighting ghosts… they’re slippery creatures! Rather than fighting a losing battle, I suggest you find ways to “make friends” with your fantasies— including the kinky ones.

You may not want to act out all your kinky fantasies in real life—and you probably shouldn’t—but you can accept them as very personalized gifts from the Erotic Theater of your Mind, and use them to release stress and come to terms with the many layers of your sexuality.

You might want to explore them over the phone where you can close your eyes and enter the Erotic Theater of the Mind without worrying what you or the person on the other end of the phone looks like or what you’re really doing. Then you can explore your kinks together on the dark fertile ground of your imaginations.

Kink & Politics

Politics and kink have long been intertwined, at least since Caligula made his horse a senator.

And then there was Napoleon’s message to his beloved Cougar Josephine: “I’m coming home. Don’t wash.” The great Bonaparte apparently had a kink for strong, natural, feminine aromas.

In fact, the relationship between kink and politics is much older than that. We can trace its origins to the earliest expressions of religion which, as a general, almost universal rule, tends to ritualistically mix kink with politics, even while solemnly condemning kink as sinful.

Sound confusing? Consider the first book of the Old Testament which has “the Lord,” a supremely sadistic voyeur with a penchant for painful punishments, punishing His naughty children, Adam and Eve, for cavorting with His forbidden phallic Snake and biting into His delicious taboo apples that then magically make them feel both horny and ashamed. Then they have sex and cover their nakedness with those fetishistic fig leaves, ruining God’s Original All-Nude All-the-Time Floor Show.

Looking at the Judeo-Christian human origin story this way—which may be kind of funny, but isn’t such a stretch—you could say that all of humanity’s kinky desires stem from God the Father’s original, unreasonable and eternal abuse of His Children (us).

God fingers Adam from a Heavenly Orgy of Angels (that suggest the outline of the human brain). Sistine Chapel: Michelangelo. 1508-1512

No wonder we have a chronic epidemic of sexual harm inflicted upon the young by the clergy… who are, at least in the Catholic faith, expected to be celibate. Talk about kinky—as in twisted!

From the Biblical to the historical, kink has always been political. As the sapiosexual folks at Karada House say, “Kink does not exist in a vacuum… it cannot be separated from politics, history and lived experiences.”

That doesn’t necessarily make kink more or less liberal or conservative, Democratic, Republican, Libertarian or Socialist. It doesn’t make kink Abrahamic, Asiatic or atheistic. Kink is international, non-denominational, and even beyond human; remember, Mother Nature is a kinky MILF.

Good kink is a little more narrowly defined, being, above all, consensual.

However, many consensual kink activities are based on nonconsensual forms of domination, torture, gender debasement and trauma practiced by various political and religious groups and individuals. For example, floggers, whips and canes have been used—and are still used—to nonconsensually punish, coerce, hurt, intimidate and dehumanize real prisoners, slaves and nonbelievers.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t thoroughly enjoy a consensual flogging; of course, you should!

However, awareness of an item or activity’s political history adds an important layer of meaning to your kink experience.

At the turn of the 20th century, kink rose to the forefront of politics with the kink-weaponized Starr Report, featuring sex that’s “not sex”—which is actually a great definition for kink!—including teasing, phone sex, oral, a cigar, DNA on a dress and the lasciviously detailed, Puritanically-driven impeachment of President Billy Jeff Clinton.

Some political activists use kink to entice an audience and make a point. For instance, a topless FEMEN protestor, with the words “God is a Woman” written on her bare chest, grabbed the baby Jesus from the Saint Peter’s Square Nativity scene before a Vatican cop stopped her, inadvertently becoming a player in her kinky political theater scene.

Kink and sex in general can be a leaky business, especially when combined with politics, so one should always be prepared to either plug that leak or go with the flow.

Another great example is my longtime friend and DrSuzy.Tv guest, Mistress Tara Indiana, who ran for President in 2016 on the Female Supremacy Party ticket, promising to “whip America back into shape, one middle-aged white man at a time.”

When she lost that election to Trump, Mistress Tara formed a FemDom collective called “Dominatrixes Against Donald trump” (D.A.D.), aka “Women Who Pee Standing,” to “highlight the hypocrisy, injustice and double standard that’s applied to sex workers and the politicians that hire them. A Dominatrix who pees on Trump can be sent to jail, while Trump can pay to be peed on and he gets to be President.”

D.A.D. did a very kinky political performance art piece on DrSuzy.Tv, spanking and humiliating a Trump surrogate, forcing him onto his knees to take it from behind and then onto his back where several of us squatted over him to give him the golden showers referenced by the Steele Dossier.

I ran my own kinky U.S. Presidential campaign back in 1992 (on the Block Party ticket, of course) and was Vice Presidential running mate to the late great kinky political poet Frank Moore’s 2008 U.S. Presidential Campaign. Much of my own writing combines kink and politics, especially my post-911 Terror Journals and other Counterpunch articles.

Obviously, I’m very open about my own kinks, but most people prefer to keep their kinks private, and I strongly believe in the right to that privacy.  However… what can you do if and when your secret kinks are leaked by a political rival in the middle of your election campaign?

You could lie and deny like Trump, or maybe tell the truth, like Manhattan City Council candidate Zack Weiner who bravely copped to his kink. It may have cost him the election (though he was already behind… so to speak), but fellow kinksters—many of whom are also voters—will always honor his honesty.

Kink and sex in general can be a leaky business, especially when combined with politics, so one should always be prepared to either plug that leak or go with the flow.

Kink, Trauma and Pathology

Trauma and kink might seem to be diametrically opposed, but they are very much related, as we discussed in our fantasy section. Trauma can contribute to a desire for kink, and caring consensual kink can help to heal past traumas.

First, to be clear, being kinky itself is not a sign of trauma, nor does enjoying fetishes or BDSM imply a pathology or psychological disorder. A Journal of Sexual Medicine study of the Psychological Characteristics of BDSM Practitioners concluded that “BDSM may be thought of as a recreational leisure, rather than the expression of psychopathological processes.”

“Though mental health providers have historically pathologized kinky behavior as ‘Sexual Sadism and Sexual Masochism Disorders,’” according to the Gender and Sexuality Therapy Center’s Healing From Sexual Trauma Through Kink, “there is research that shows people who practice BDSM are less neurotic, more extroverted, more open to new experiences, more conscientious, less rejection sensitive, and have higher subjective well-being than non-kinky people. A similar U.S. study found BDSM-identified couples reported less stress as well as increased intimacy following play.”

Over the years, many kink-positive sexologists have helped to slowly remove the stigma of pathology attached to BDSM and other fetishes, but Charles A. Moser, MD, PhD, stands out. Dr. Moser’s “research on kink and his contribution of over 100 scholarly articles over 45 years, most on alternative sexualities, created an evidence-based conversation in psychiatry that coincided with the social changes that have made de-pathologizing kink an intellectually credible effort,” writes Russell Stambaugh, an award-winning sexologist and clinical psychologist who has also made significant contributions to the study and normalization of kink.

Though kink itself is not pathological, the desire for kink is sometimes tied to childhood abuse, early illnesses and accidents, relationship issues, problematic family dynamics, domestic violence, humiliation, schoolyard bullying and other forms of trauma. These kink-fueling traumatic events often occur in childhood when we are most vulnerable and impressionable, but you can also contract PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) leading to kinky desires from being involved in war, occupation, poverty, inequities, climate catastrophe, the pandemic and more.

In this crazy, mixed up, “civilized” world, many are trauma survivors, and some of us are kinksters. Some of us even utilize our kinks to heal the pain of trauma, transforming it into erotic pleasure, restoration and inspiration.

To learn more about the many fascinating intersections of trauma, kink and therapy, check out Trauma Shrink and FemDom Kink, or just continue reading.

Kink Therapy

Since kink is not usually pathological (well, not unless you’re Jeffrey Dahmer), can it be therapeutic? Can practicing consensual kink actually help to heal trauma?

In a way, this entire article is about the therapeutic benefits of kink. The science behind kink therapy is rarely discussed due to the traditional sexual squeamishness of Western medicine, particularly as practiced in the good old Puritanical U.S.A.

Yet the evidence is clear. Biochemically speaking, we know that pleasure is a painkiller (see above). When your kinky psyche associates arousal with the experience of consensual, expected pain (no sucker-punches please!), endorphins rush into your bloodstream, and the pleasure—or even just the anticipation of pleasure—helps you to handle the pain… at least to a point.

When arousal is in the driver’s seat and pleasure is riding shotgun, then pain—both physical and psychological—is forced to take a backseat. In fact, a little bit of consensual pain—or maybe a lot (if you’re a “pain slut”)—tends to heighten the pleasure.  Spanking and other forms of impact play are especially effective, cathartic forms of therapy, as Russian studies have shown, along with our own anecdotal research conducted here at the Block Institute.

Why would someone who was beaten as a child find it healing to be spanked as an adult? The bottom line is consent. A child cannot and likely would not consent to being beaten. But the consenting adult might find that a structured spanking with clear boundaries from someone for whom they feel both lust and trust gives them a cathartic, therapeutic release they can’t get from just talking about it.

Kink can heal the body and mind in a multitude of manners—from relieving stress to building confidence, dissipating depression, reducing painful shyness and working through past trauma.

However, it’s important to note that involvement in kink can also create its own trauma, even among consenting adults, as we’ve seen in recent news stories about celebrity kinksters stepping over the line and into abuse. Best to tread lightly and take it slow, using—and respecting— “safe words,” as you go.

Kink-Positive Therapists Without Borders

“That Puritanical shame still prevails
Cause when the Puritans came all they built were jails.
But we’re living in a modern society
And we can all afford to be a bit more kinky.”
Rose Kelso

As kink becomes increasingly accepted into the mainstream, more and more forms of therapy are emerging that address it in a healthy way. Kink-positive sex therapy can help individuals deconstruct their past traumas, learn to identify and explore ways to release fears and feelings of shame, as well as truly embrace their always-evolving sexuality.

Whether you need serious psychotherapy to investigate the origins of your kink(s) and/or the best way to handle them or you’d prefer to just enjoy a fun kinky fantasy roleplay—or a combination—our kink-positive Therapists Without Borders here at the Dr. Susan Block Institute are some of the best in the world.

You can experience your kink therapy session via webcam, phone or text anytime you like 24 hours a day. In-person sessions are also available, though our physical facility is temporarily closed due to pandemic concerns. However, we are always open to talk with you!

Need to talk about a kink that you can’t talk about anywhere else? You can talk to us. Call anytime: 213.291.9497. We’re here for YOU… and your kink(s).

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© February 7. 2022 Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 626-461-5950. Editorial Assistance on this article provided by Adriana Gomez-Weston and Crysta Swindell.

 

The Dr. Susan Block Institute Established 1991

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MASKS are SEXY!

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth. – Oscar Wilde

by Dr. Susan Block.

As the Coronapocalypse continues to rage, with public spaces opening up, closing down and then opening back up again, you might have a couple questions about masks…

  1. Should you wear a mask?

Answer: Whether or not you wear a mask is up to you, just like whether or not you wear pants is up to you. You don’t have to do either, but there are consequences.

In the case of no pants, you could get kicked out of places, arrested and/or catch cold. In the case of no mask, you could also suffer all of the above, except instead of just a cold, you could catch Covid-19.

Or you might give it to someone. Maybe someone you care about.

So, personally, I join with the countless scientists and other experts who say YES, you certainly *should* wear a mask when you are closer than ten feet to any breathing human with whom you’re not sheltering, especially if you’re indoors.

But don’t panic! This is not a life sentence. At least, I hope it isn’t. However, better a life sentence than a death sentence.

Your Nurse is here to help you see how sexy a well-designed face mask can be.

Lucky for all of us, vaccinations appear to be going pretty well. At first, they were rolling out with the speed and focus of an inebriated elephant threading a needle. But every day, more and more people are getting vaccinated. I received mine, and as soon as you can, you should get yours!

So, there’s hope. Keep in mind that a few years after the deadly, masked-up Influenza of 1918, the world exploded into the sexy, mask-free Roaring Twenties—with hot flappers, cool jazz and wild “speakeasies.”  So, stay positive!

But be realistic.  The death count is over 500,000 and rising, and new Coronavirus strains are continuing to emerge.

Whatever the future holds, if you want to keep yourself and others relatively safe right now, even if you’re vaccinated, you have to cover that kissable mouth and adorable nose of yours with something. Or maybe two somethings. The experts are now encouraging double masking.

That said, I can’t *make* you wear a face mask (let alone two), even via strict domination combined with erotic hypnosis using your favorite fetish as a trigger word. However, stores, take-out restaurants and other establishments have every right to require that you wear a mask within their walls.

That means you either 1) insist on your right to bare your cheeks while the staff (or security cam) films you, making a fool of your totally exposed (and probably bright red) face all over social media, or 2) you do the right thing and wear a damn mask.

Need to talk about masking up, navigating your sex life, relationships, fantasies and realities during the Coronapocalypse? Call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime: 213.291.9497. We’re here for you.

Comfort Is Sexy

Having dispensed with Question #1, let’s move on to…

#2: Now that you know you ought to wear a damn mask, how can you make it more fun? With face coverings as “essential” an article of clothing as shoes or underwear (nothing against going commando, but you get the idea), how can you make them more comfortable, cool, effective and most important, SEXY?

Sexy? Say what? Thanks to their practical function, it’s hard for most of us to imagine face masks as something fun, let alone sexy.

But the Coronapocalypse has already drained so many pleasures from life; we need to find them wherever we can. So, why not in our face masks? As a sexologist, I believe it’s important to our sexual health and well-being to make masks sexier.

I for one never look at a guy in a mask and think, “What a weakling! I bet he’s really bad in bed.”

Start with comfort, which is a key to feeling and looking sexy. Let’s be honest: Masks aren’t always comfortable. This is why many people won’t wear them, and the politics is just “patriotic” window-dressing for their feelings. Privileged individuals especially, accustomed to getting their way in life, feel their personal physical comfort to be a top priority, usurping even their own safety, as well as the safety of others.

It’s amazing how many people who wiggle themselves into skyscraper heels or strangling neckties find facemasks unbearably uncomfortable. Fortunately, some very creative people are designing more and more comfy coverings, so perhaps the comfort cravers will soon be satisfied. And it’s a step towards making masks sexy!

Personal Note: Though masks may be uncomfortable, they’re far less uncomfortable than a ventilator. Believe me; I’ve been on one.

Triggered by Masks

“Nothing is more real than the masks we make to show each other who we are.” – Christopher Barzak

For many people, mask mania is more emotional than physical. Some feel *triggered* by masks because they’ve heard (possibly from a certain former U.S. President) that they represent a terrible infringement on their *freedom.*

Hooded U.S. Prisoner tortured in Abu Ghraib, Iraq, 2004. Unlike a face mask, you can’t see through a hood.

It’s true that many societies throughout history have made prisoners wear inhuman “masks of shame” and hoods, like those detainees have been forced to wear in Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo and other military prisons. So, these fears of forced masking are not totally baseless, though they have been warped to fit certain political agendas.

Just remember folks, we’re not prisoners of war here! We’re in a pandemic, and we’re being asked to cover our mouths and noses to protect ourselves and our neighbors, not to punish or imprison us.

Another twisted notion is that wearing a mask makes someone appear “weak.” In reality, caring for the health and well-being of others is anything but “weak.” I for one never look at a guy in a mask and think, “What a weakling! I bet he’s really bad in bed.”

However, belief can be a powerful force, even if it’s wrong, unscientific and has more to do with fear and fantasy than reality.

 

Concerned about being “weak,” cuckolded or “measuring up” in some way? Need to talk about it with someone you can trust?  Call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime: 213.291.9497. We’re here to help.

What Do People Think of You?

Behind every mask there is a face, and behind that a story. – Marty Rubin

For some, anti-mask fervor arises from peer pressure; the people in your family, team, neighborhood, political party or religious group actively despise liberals, “political correctness,” socialism and masks, so you do too.

Then, sprinkle a little physical discomfort with that fear of weakness, stirred up within a fervent anti-mask cult that believes the earth is flat, the election was “stolen,” vaccines are the mark of the beast and masks are a government plot to “muzzle” the populace, and the next thing you know you’re storming a shopping mall, demanding your “right” to show off your fuming, spitting mug to folks who really don’t want to see it, let alone be spit on by it.

Refusal to wear a mask indoors during a pandemic is, in this humble sexologist’s opinion, worse than refusing to wear pants… or a seatbelt, both being illegal in the U.S.

It’s more like insisting on your “right” to drive while drunk, endangering not only yourself, but everyone who happens to be on the road with you.

Nevertheless, it’s disingenuous to say that mask-wearing is “nothing” or “no big deal.” Let’s all just acknowledge, it’s a pain in the ass. Well, the face.

Confused? Anxious? Horny? Need to talk? The Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute are highly experienced in erotic matters. So, if you don’t know where to start, no worries! Looking for safer sex through the erotic theater of the mind? Developing a medical fetish looking at all those sexy masked-up doctors and nurses? What sexy alternatives can you explore in the Coronapacalypse? Give us a call anytime at 213.291.9497.

No Glove, No Love? No Mask, Don’t Ask!

Like any article of clothing, comfort depends on style, fabric and fit. Some masks are so bad, wearing them is like having sex while wearing a too-tight condom or, even worse, a too-baggy one.

Actually, in a way, wearing a mask to prevent the spread of COVID-19 is like wearing a condom to prevent the spread of STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) or STIs (sexually transmitted infections). For one thing, condoms aren’t terribly comfortable, so why do we wear them? Very often it’s because our partners insist, “No glove? No love.”

The Coronapocalyptic equivalent might be, “No mask? Don’t even ask!”

Make a bikini like this out of nothing but masks! Don’t forget to save one for your face 😉

In fact, Germans have come up with a new term for masks, “gesichtskondom,” or “face condom.” It’s an article of clothing that protects the wearer and others from disease and the exchange of bodily fluids, so it really *fits*!

Also, like a condom, it’s important to wear your mask correctly. Otherwise, it’s pretty useless. Many of those politicians who look dumb (and not at all sexy) in their facemasks are just wearing them wrong.

Make sure your nose is covered and that the mask fits your face snugly, but not so tight, it’s uncomfortable. For combining comfort with protection, choose a breathable, but protective fabric.

Does wearing a mask or a condom makes things completely safe? No, just safer. It’s like we used to say back in the 1990s: There is no such thing as absolutely “safe sex.” There’s only safer sex through outercourse, phone sex and condoms. A condom doesn’t guarantee protection from an STI—after all, the condom could break, or you could put it on or take it off sloppily— so wearing a mask doesn’t guarantee you won’t get or give someone COVID.

In the Coronapocalypse, there is no such thing as absolutely “safe” living. Only safer living through hand-washing, physical-distancing and wearing a damn mask.

Masks can be as liberating as they can be confining.

Masking up is nothing new. What history peeks out at us from behind the masks we wear today?

Hint: Some of it has to do with sex appeal…

Who Was That Masked Man—or Woman?

Humans have been wearing masks since prehistoric times for disguise, protection, performance and seduction. In the Coronapocalypse, we think of our facemasks primarily for protection against COVID-19, but there’s no reason we can’t enjoy them for the other three purposes too.

A Kinky Masked-Up and Physically Distanced Whipping on the 4th of July, 2020.

Hold-up; by “disguise,” I don’t mean you should disguise yourself with facemask to rob your local convenience store. It’s true that one of our most common conceptions of facemasks stems from images of bandits concealing their identities with a bandana before holding up a bank.

Unfortunately, in the Coronapocalypse, some modern thieves have exploited the mask mandate to do just that. This pandemic economy is particularly unjust for the poor and has made desperados out of many otherwise decent people, but that’s no excuse!

Side note: Anti-maskers who believe the “Deep State” is making us wear masks to “control” us are ignoring the simple fact that covering your face makes you harder to identify and control by the government, bots, scanners or your local store clerk. That’s why thieves have always masked up for disguise.

As long as you don’t commit crimes, you might enjoy the fact that your face mask “disguises” you to some degree. If you’re shy, anonymity can even be an aphrodisiac; that’s one reason so many masked revelers have long loved Venetian and Brazilian Carnavale.

In this sense, masks can be as liberating as they can be confining.  You might like going out incognito, wearing a dark, mysterious mask with matching shades, like a spy in a romantic thriller. But please, no stealing, no stalking and no ammosexual accessories (you’re not really a spy)!

 

Hopeless romantic? The Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute can help you with your romantic issues, your fantasies, problems and pleasures. Need to talk about something you can’t talk about anywhere else? We can help. Give us a call at 213.291.9497.

 Weapons of Masked Seduction

“If you want to say something and have people listen then you have to wear a mask.” – Banksy

Masks have long been an integral element of theater.

Ancient Greek Theater Mask of Agamemnon

The oldest mask ever discovered dates back 9000 years to 7000 BCE, but the art of making and wearing masks is far older, visible in 30,000-year-old paleolithic cave drawings. Because these prehistoric masks were made of perishable materials like leather and wood, they didn’t survive, but we can see by the cave drawings that the earliest uses of masks were for performance, dance, ceremonies and rituals. Whether dazzling, comforting or frightening, all of these face coverings conveyed some kind of artistic, “magical,” seductive appeal.

Prehistoric masks were the first Weapons of Masked Seduction.

Such theatrical masks continued to be worn in the ancient Greek Dionysian Festivals, Medieval Passion Plays, Guy Fawkes, the Phantom of the Opera and beyond.

Let your body talk. Since people can’t see your face, they will pay more attention to the rest of you.

Personally, I’ve always loved theatrical masks, since I was a Theater Studies major at Yale, especially in the Italian Commedia Dell’Arte tradition, and eventually in my own Commedia Erotica style.

Over the years, as I put on hundreds of masks to assume different roles and for the sheer, playful pleasure of masquerade. Honestly, I never dreamed I’d be wearing a mask to protect me and those around me from death-dealing microbes. But my masked theater experience does give me ideas for making masks—even face masks—fun and sexy.

Many of our theatrical Comic-con culture’s greatest superheroes—from Zorro to Batman—also wear sexy masks, aka “domino masks,” but they tend to go around the eyes instead of over the mouth, Spiderman and the Flash being notable exceptions.

Have you ever worn a mask in a play, cosplay, film, masquerade party, on Halloween, Mardi Gras, Purim, Carnival or Carnavale? Perhaps you *played* a trickster, sexpot, superhero or alter ego. Did it make you feel less inhibited, more adventurous, less constrained by your usual worries of what people might think of you because the real, identifiable *you* was partially hidden?

Take that party-mask energy into face-mask-wearing, and you’re almost guaranteed to be sexy.

Let your body talk.  Since people can’t see your face, they will pay more attention to the rest of you. So, if you’re not already a dancer, model or bootcamp graduate, straighten up that saggy posture and learn to move like you mean it!

Pretend you’re a costume designer choosing accessories; wear a mask that either matches your outfit or contrasts with it in an appealing way.

Try Etsy, Dolls Kill, Forever 21, d.Bleu.dazzled, Redbubble or Stylecaster for fun, festive and mostly feminine masks. If you’re looking for more masculine options, check out this GQ article.

Of course, these cartoon penis masks and vulva art facemasks are great comic erotic conversation-starters (though maybe not church or family gatherings!).

Variety is the spice of life, sex and theater. Wearing the same mask every day is not only very unhygienic, it’s boring. Between utilitarian, fancy, romantic, scary, kinky and crazy, you can wear different masks to suit your varied moods… or perhaps seduce someone special.

But please don’t throw your used facemasks out the car window! The Coronapocalypse is just another aspect of devastating climate change in the Anthropocene. Don’t make it worse by polluting the environment with your dirty old facemasks. Wash used masks or try facemasks like 4ocean, which are recyclable, and the support frames provide extra comfort.

Masks in Asia

Western cultures, with their focus on individual—and corporate—freedom mixed with scorn for “big government” and socialism, appear to have the most trouble persuading their citizens to wear a damn mask.

Even though the idea that our leaders are trying to enslave us through facemasks is extremely illogical and unlikely (they have other ways…), it carries a lot of weight, especially in the United States, Brazil and Europe.

In contrast, East Asian cultures tend to prioritize the welfare of the community over the freedom of the individual. In most Asian countries, wearing a facemask is a sign of discipline, respect and social responsibility, not weakness.

I’d prefer everyone go naked… well, except for the face mask, right now, of course.

Many East Asians have been masking up in public for years to protect themselves and others from airborne sickness and pollution. I imagine some of them also enjoy the psychological “protection” and anonymity masks provide for individuals in crowded public spaces.

Maybe this is why, as of this writing, Asian death rates from COVID-19 are considerably lower than in the West.

Masking Up for God

Covering the bottom half of the face is popular in the Muslim world, but not because of the pandemic.  In traditional Islamic culture, many women wear a veil that covers the whole face except for the eyes, such as the niqab or burqa. Westerners tend to think of the Muslim veil as oppressive, and it can be since it is often required nonconsensually, and only of women, rarely of men.

Lili Miss Arab in Muslim Niqab vs. Coronapocalyptic Me in Face Mask on DrSuzy. Tv

Personally, I’m not a fan of any kind of cover-up, especially on so-called “moral” grounds. I’d prefer everyone go naked… well, except for the face mask, right now, of course.

My views are based on philosophical as well as personal experience wearing a burqa. When I was 19, I went on a hippie-ish trek through Asia and, while wandering through the rather devout city of Kandahar, Afghanistan, a friendly shopkeeper gifted me with a burqa. I put it on over my clothes and continued my walk around the marketplace, only to collide with another burqa-clad lady and a fruit stand. Nobody was hurt, but the lady was pretty annoyed, I had to pay for a dozen damaged melons, and I never wore a burqa again.

I felt like I was inside a smothering, billowing tent covering everything except for a small window for me to look through, and even that tiny opening was covered with a crisscross fabric, so I felt like I was trying to see through fishnet stockings. Not my style.

If you think face masks are oppressive, check out these burqas!

Nevertheless, my research and experience as a sex therapist tells me that many women have no such impaired vision issues, and some are actually empowered by wearing the veil. It helps them to feel protected, in control, mysterious, special… and sexy! Some Muslim women tell me that they enjoy being able to choose with whom they share the special gift of their naked face.

On the other side of the tent, many Muslim men say that seeing a veiled woman arouses them precisely because that which is hidden is enticing. It presents a question: What does she look like? And of course, they want to know the answer.

I still don’t like that so many orthodox Muslim communities make women wear the veil for religious reasons—sometimes under pain of violent punishment. On the other hand, Islam isn’t the only religion to force its practices on its adherents. And in terms of the current question—How to Make Masks Sexy?—Westerners can learn a lesson from this undoubtedly sexist, but sometimes intriguingly sexy, Islamic custom.

Takeaway: Wear your facemask like a veil that erotically empowers you.

Need to talk about your experience with religious sexual abuse? The Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute are here to help. You won’t go to hell for it. But you just might feel a lot better. Give us a call at 213.291.9497.

The Eyes Have It

Though a facemask should cover your mouth and nose—and often the chin and cheeks as well—it usually doesn’t cover your eyes. This can be key to making your mask sexy.

Weapons of Masked Seduction

As the “windows to the soul,” your eyes are your most powerful Weapons of Masked Seduction.

You could think of your mask as a fan, “making eyes” over it, coquettishly. Whether you make “Smize” (“smiling eyes,” as coined by Tyra Banks), sultry “smokey eye,” cute puppy dog eyes, or squinty tough-guy eyes, you can communicate volumes without moving your lips.

Speaking of lips, you don’t have to put on lipstick while wearing a mask… and you probably shouldn’t as it will smear in all the wrong ways (unless you’re wearing smear-proof). Some good news for folks who get tired of smiling through pain or boredom; you can relax your mouth muscles more with a mask on!

But if you really want to be mask-sexy, you probably ought to step up your eyeliner, shadow, lashes, mascara, etc. routine. Unless you’re wearing dark goggles, your eyes tend to be visible. Careful about how you put on and remove your mask, or you might take off a false eyelash along with it (I’ve done that!).

Masks So Scary They’re Sexy

Yes, scary masks can be very sexy on the right person in an arousing scenario.

Masked Full Moon Halloween Witch

Always keep things consensual and safe and try not to trigger traumatic memories with your masked fun and games.

That said, a pinch of fear is like spice in your enchilada… though too much spoils the meat.

So, what turns you on? Zombie sex worker? Frankenstein’s Bride? Sexy Freddy Kreuger? Gasmaskgirl?

There are a million sexy monsters to choose from; just make sure your monster mask covers your nose.

Scared of sex? The Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute are here to help. Whether your fears are well-founded, pure paranoia or something in between, we can help. Give us a call anytime at 213.291.9497.

The Plague Mask

Perhaps the quintessential “scary mask” for the Coronapocalypse is the “Plague Mask.”

Somewhere between sinister and magical, with an elongated, bird-like beak and large, circular eyeholes, sometimes framed by crystals, the “Plague Mask” was originally worn during the 17th century (not the Middle Ages, as many believe) to protect “plague doctors” from catching the disease that was killing their patients.

The giant leather beak shielded the wearer’s mouth and nose, somewhat like a facemask, plus it was filled with fabric soaked in aromatic herbs that were supposed to ward off germs, but really just helped “mask” the stench of sickness and death.

Even prior to the Coronapocalypse, some people wore stylized plague masks to parties, fetish balls and during kinky play. Now, they’re even more popular, in different colors with sexy embellishments like feathers and glitter.

So… have yourself a ball! Though if you want to stay safe, wear a regular face mask under your plague mask.

Fetish Masks

Speaking of fetish balls, the mask has long been an important article of kinky clothing in the BDSM world.

GasMaskGirls mask up for the Coronapocalypse.

These range from a Mistress’ glittery party mask, such as those seen in old Lasse Braun loops or that ritual orgy in Eyes Wide Shut, to a slave’s full-coverage leather or latex bondage hood.

Fetish masks of this kind have long been associated with kink, sexual fantasies and taboo trysts. They can be used to enhance sexual experiences and consensual power exchange, especially in roleplay, as punishment, reward or even just for style.

Besides being kinky, fetish masks help to keep the wearers totally or somewhat anonymous and so, like the Carnavale masqueraders, they feel freer to express their true sexual selves.

Traditional fetish masks aren’t always COVID-safe, but you can find sexy kinky facemasks for both protection and fun. Consider this sleek latex facemask, a more extreme hood, a leather neck corset that’s also a facemask or the classic gasmask (includes a drinking connection).

Need to talk about your favorite fetish, with or without the mask?  Call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime at 213.291.9497.

Sensory Deprivation & Masked Kisses

One ironic erotic benefit of masks is the way they enhance certain senses through sensory deprivation. For instance, if you’re blindfolded, your sense of hearing, touch and smell are enhanced.

Kissing Capt’n Max through My Homemade Betty Boop Face Mask early in the Coronapocalypse when We had to Make Our Own.

A face mask doesn’t deprive you of a particular sense in that way. However, there are two things you can’t do while wearing a facemask, and those are eating and drinking.

This is, of course, a big inconvenience, but it has its benefits.

Maybe it’ll help lower our society’s skyrocketing rates of obesity which, by the way, is a telltale “pre-existing condition” that makes obese Coronavirus patients more likely than others to die.

That’s not meant to be “fat-shaming,” but to encourage people to provide a little less of an appetizing meal for these crowned critters to feast upon.

Masked Xmas Hanukkah Solstice Saturnalia 2020 in Bonoboville.

Masks can be beautiful, mysterious and even romantic.

A kiss through facemasks deprives the kissers of the taste and touch of each other’s tongues, thereby—via the *magic* of sensory deprivation—enhancing their sense of each other’s aroma.

Such a tantalizing tease!

Warning: Kissing through masks isn’t COVID-safe; it’s just a fun way for couples who are self-isolating together to connect while out and about.

“Self-isolating together” has become a special kind of commitment, a “Love in the Time of Coronavirus” that is both more and less serious than marriage.

My “prime mate,” Capt’n Max, and I are self-isolating together, but we wear masks when we’re around other people, and it feels very romantic to kiss “through” our masks.

An image of a husband-and-wife team of nurses wearing masks, vizors, gloves and gowns as they embrace went viral (so to speak) early in the pandemic.

Masked Romance

Looking at it and seeing the love and romance combined with discipline and service that it conveys, still brings tears to my eyes.

Make Masks Sexy!

The human face is, after all, nothing more nor less than a mask. – Agatha Christie

Why is it so important to “make masks sexy”?

I’ll let someone who tweeted that I looked “immensely kinky” in my GasMaskGirl gas mask, answer that question, “Dr Susan if you can convince people to wear masks to prevent airborne contagion of Covid-19, you might have saved many lives.”

It’s funny, but for some people, kink and sex are greater motivators than matters of life or death.

Mask Up for Love

If I can help reduce the spread of the dreaded virus by showing how sexy and kinky a face mask can be, I’m thrilled.

Take It Off!

Remember, masks are not forever. They’re not even for all day.

There comes a time, in the course of a day or during a romantic relationship, when you take off the mask. Though I’ve been talking up how sexy masks can be, there’s no denying that taking off the mask can be even sexier.

In the Coronapocalypse, it should also be very special, something you only do close-up with someone you trust, at a point when you know you are both COVID-free.

In these masked-up times, removing your mask to expose your face (when you’re in a safe space) sexier than a striptease.

But before you take it all off, be sure to put that sexy mask on. It just might save your (sex) life.

Mask Up! Then Take It Off…

© March 11, 2021. Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For information and speaking engagements, call 626-461-5950. Email her at [email protected].  Editorial Assistance on this article provided by Adriana Gomez-Weston 

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Need to talk? However you feel about masks, relationships and sex in the Coronapocalypse, you can talk to the Therapists Without Borders at the Dr. Susan Block Institute. Call us anytime at 213.291.9497. We’re here for you.

 

 

 

The Dr. Susan Block Institute Established 1991

For more information, call our recorded line.

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Adult Baby Diaper Fetish

Call 213.291.9497

by Dr. Susan Block.

Have you ever wanted to just be a baby again?

Do you get aroused by the idea—or the reality—of wearing diapers, being held by warm strong arms, nuzzling big soft breasts, suckling mama’s nipples, being spanked, being cuddled, coddled or just plain babied? Do you want to cry like a baby? Laugh like a baby? Mess your diaper like a baby? Be treated like a spoiled, cranky, naughty or very good, very special baby?

You’re not alone.

Do you need to talk about it privately and confidentially with someone who understands?

The Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute are experts in adult baby fetishes, diaper play and other types of sexuality, whether you want serious sex therapy or just an erotic phone sex or webcam experience. Call us anytime at 213-291-9497

 


Are you an Adult Baby Diaper Lover?

Everyone enjoys being “babied” sometimes, but some crave it some quite literally.

If you like roleplaying that you are a baby and/or wear diapers—either for sexual or nonsexual reasons—you may be an Adult Baby Diaper Lover (AB/DL).

You may enjoy enacting childhood activities such as crawling on the floor, playing with toys, sucking on a pacifier or talking in baby talk, or being cared for by a parent—a mommy or daddy (more on that later!)—or a babysitter.  Or perhaps just like to wear diapers, because the sensation of diapers might give you an erotic charge and/or a feeling of comfort which you can incorporate in your sexual relationships.

AB/DL, sometimes referred to as “infantilism,” encompasses a wide spectrum, and anyone who identifies as such has their own definition of what it means to them and what they enjoy. Some people, like those who identify as adult toddlers, may want to just wear children’s clothes and not be entirely helpless. Others yearn to hand over total control to a “dominant” caregiver, letting them take care of everything, from reading them books at bedtime to making their food (which consists mostly of baby food, snacks, or whatever the adult baby desires) to even changing their dirty “diapees,”  There are also adult bed-wetters, who find comfort and/or excitement in peeing in bed or “messing” their diapers.

Many enjoy AB/DL in a BDSM (Bondage & Discipline/Dominance & Submission/Sadomaschism) context, with a Domme acting as Mommy—a “Dommy Mommy”—or a “Daddy Dom” providing discipline, like spanking or flogging, or gagging with a pacifier.

 

 

AB/DL Misconceptions

Long-time misconceptions of people who identify as AB/DL have been images of lazy, unappealing older men, who use the AB/DL moniker to give credence to their need for someone to take care of them.

That might be true of some, but many AB/DLs are high-functioning, independent people in the real world, and very capable of caring for themselves. Many are CEOs, bankers, college students, lawyers, professors—even world leaders (one prominent big baby comes to mind)—or otherwise ordinary folks. Sometimes their demanding, intensive schedules and always-in-control, high-pressure lifestyles feed into their need to check into their AB/DL personas to hand over control to someone else.

AB/DLs are also not pedophiles; this is yet another common misconception due to the link between childhood regression and sexuality. The vast majority of AB/DLs do not want to have sex with kids, they want to be kids.

Anyone within the AB/DL community will be quick to tell you that AB/DL is a roleplaying fantasy between consenting adults only, not with any real children at all.

 

Why Do You Like Diapers?

There is no single, definitive “cause” for AB/DL desires.

Furthermore, there is not likely to be just one reason that you long to return to your diaper-wearing days and suck on a pacifier as an adult. Like most fetishes and sexual interests, your desire probably stems from a combination of experiences, tendencies and needs.

One likely root of your AB/DL fetish would be your need to feel supported, nurtured, comforted or controlled. Perhaps you want to release your “inner child” to escape the pressures, responsibilities and the hypocrisy of adult life, if only temporarily. Hard-to-handle feelings of adult guilt—real or imagined—may drive you to seek the innocence of babyhood.

Your fetish for diapers might also relate to how you were toilet trained, especially if your toilet training was somehow difficult. Perhaps you experienced some trauma related to your childhood, and your AB/DL feelings are a way of coping with that. You may have received too much or not enough attention as a child, so you crave the feeling of being nurtured and/or disciplined by a parent figure. Perhaps you also eroticize these feelings, though not all AB/DL are aroused sexually by indulging their fetish. For some, it’s just comforting.

Perhaps the feeling of a Huggie hugging your bottom turns you on or just helps you to feel more secure in your daily life, secretly sporting your Bambinos under your Chinos. 

Then again, you might have real-life medical issues that require you to wear diapers 24/7.  Not every adult who has to wear diapers eroticizes them; in fact, most don’t. But many do, and sexualizing those diapers that you have to wear anyway can help you to feel good about something that otherwise might feel shameful, onerous or uncomfortable.

Did you know that astronauts often wear diapers? Called Maximum Absorbency Garments (MAG), these are adult-sized diapers with extra absorption material that NASA astronauts wear during liftoff, landing, and extra-vehicular activity (EVA) to absorb urine and feces. Wonder if some of those Space Force cadets are AB/DL…

However, most AB/DL don’t have to wear diapers; they just like to.

If you’re just beginning to understand your interest in diapers or your desire to suck your thumb, eat dinosaur-shaped cereal or wear cartoon-covered onesies, you might want to take some time exploring it on your own before trying to share it with someone new in your life.

Certain toys, clothes, or behaviors might trigger your AB/DL side, or perhaps activities like watching cartoons or G-rated movies, using baby talk or messing your diaper. Take time to try different scenes to examine what feels best for you.

Do you enjoy having sex in a diaper? Lots of AB/DL do, whether it’s masturbation, oral, BDSM-oriented or just “regular” sexual intercourse with the added spice of one or both partners wearing diapers and/or doing age play.

Every adult baby, diaper lover, little, adult toddler, sissy baby, diaper boy, diaper girl, etc. is different, and it takes time to understand why this fetish speaks to you. If you need to talk about it, give us call at 213.291.9497. We’re here for you and all your adult baby needs.

AB/DL and “Little” Kink

If you enjoy living your AB/DL fantasies in a kink-specific context, AB/DL crosses over quite often into BDSM. Instead of being called an adult baby or diaper lover, some kinksters are called “littles” while their caregivers are often called Bigs, Daddies or Mommies.

The relationship between a little and a Big can be similar to that of a sub and a Dom/me where the Big/Daddy/Mommy provides Dominant support to their submissive little.

Littles can be of any gender, age or sexual orientation. If you are the little, your Dom/me may nurture, discipline and/or control you. In certain relationships, you may enjoy soiling your diaper in order to get humiliated by their Mommy or Daddy. Usually this involves water sports, but could include Coprophagia, a.k.a., a feces fetish.

Not all littles identify as babies or toddlers; they just enjoy pretending to be young, usually in the context of “age play.”

Just like other types of submissives may go into “subspace” in a BDSM session, you may experience “little space,” a pleasant, out-of-control, often ecstatic, sometimes orgasmic feeling, like being “in the zone.”

Little space can be triggered in different ways, from the Dommy Mommy or Daddy uttering certain sounds or phrases, being babied, controlled, spanked or disciplined in other ways that turn you on or take you on a trip into a dream world where you feel like you really are the little baby of your fantasies.

Challenges of AB/DL

Many AB/DLs live in shame and have difficulty accepting this facet of their personality and/or sexuality, let alone disclosing it to anyone else.

However you feel, it’s okay to feel that way. But it certainly helps your sense of well-being to feel good about yourself and your sexuality.

Some try to stop AB/DL desires from occurring, but it’s usually impossible to stop your own desires. You can control what you do and how you behave, but you can’t control what you think or how you feel. Nevertheless, lots of people try, throwing away their diapers as they vow never to wear them again, then buying more when the urge gets irresistible, called “binge and purge” syndrome. Sometimes they can go without their fetish for years, but usually it comes back in some way. These back-and-forth patterns often create frustration, rage, stress, insecurity and even depression.

To help you with this, you might want to get into therapy. Of course, not many therapists, even sex therapists, are knowledgeable or understanding of AB/DL. Some therapists might be judgmental. Some erroneously believe in the misconceptions listed above and might even make an AB/DL feel worse about their feelings than they did before they went into therapy!

Unfortunately, there also isn’t a lot of research dedicated to understanding AB/DL, so you probably won’t find as much information online about it as you would about other common fetishes.

However, you can talk about it with the Therapists Without Borders at the Dr. Susan Block Institute. Several of us are experts in adult baby fetishes, diaper play and other aspects of AB/DL, whether you want serious sex therapy or just an erotic phone sex or webcam experience. Call us anytime 24/7 at 213-291-9497.

Whether you get into therapy or not, it’s important to know that there is nothing wrong with being an AB/DL. It’s not illegal or unethical, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

That said, it’s not for everyone. In fact, it’s not for most people.

That’s okay; you don’t have to share it with everyone—just an understanding therapist, sex worker, lover or friend is usually enough.

Dating can be especially challenging for AB/DLs.

Nevertheless, it’s possible, and if you’re patient and lucky, it can be fantastic.

In some cases a partner may even feel moved to participate and share in an AB/DL’s roleplay, enacting the role of the caretaker by feeding their beloved adult baby milk from a bottle, reading them a bedtime story, speaking to them in baby talk, spanking them and/or changing their diaper. As with all sexual activities, it’s important that couples negotiate their expectations and boundaries.

Not all AB/DL play involves sex, so some people enjoy adult baby play with no sex involved.

If it proves difficult for you to get into a relationship with someone who will enjoy AB/DL with you, consider booking a session with a sex worker, escort, dominatrix or other professional who specializes in AB/DL. There’s nothing wrong with going to a sex worker, and it might be perfect for you, especially if you’re shy about bringing it up to someone in a dating context.

Escorting should be decriminalized, and it is in some states. Even if it’s not legal in your area, much adult baby play doesn’t involve sex anyway, so you needn’t worry about legalities.

That doesn’t mean you should give up on finding someone special with whom to share your fetish. Rest assured, there are people out there who are open to learning more about AB/DL. They may be interested for their own reasons, or they may get involved just because they love their partner and want to do what they enjoy.  

Loving an AB/DL

Is someone you love an adult baby?

Loving an AB/DL doesn’t require expertise in the subject, but does demand some compassion, understanding and acceptance.

Having your partner come out to you as an Adult Baby Diaper Lover can be rather shocking, especially when you aren’t familiar with AB/DLs. There’s nothing wrong with you if you’re shocked, but that doesn’t mean you should expect your AB/DL lover to toss their Pampers in the trash and forget about them from now on. They can’t and they won’t. If they never bring it up to you again, rest assured that they are simply enjoying their fetish when you are not around. They may even be doing it with someone else. Regardless, they are still thinking about it and feeling bad about your intolerance, whether it makes them feel ashamed, angry, depressed or just frustrated.

However, if you’re open minded, or at least willing to hear them out, ask questions about their specific experiences and fantasies, and do a little research (start by carefully reading the previous sections), you can learn where they’re coming from and how you might fit in. Some AB/DLs are fine just acting out their fantasy by themselves or around you. Others prefer that you participate, usually as a caretaker or fellow baby. Some want to incorporate diapers into sex.  

This might be a deal-breaker for you, and that could be painful for both of you. But better to break up now than suffer in silence or expect them to forget their desires as you go along as if nothing’s different.

If you do want to maintain the relationship, you need to be open and understanding, and you might find yourself surprised that it’s not as bad as you feared. Maybe you’ll even have fun with it. It might even turn you on!

Nevertheless, your own comfort level is as important as theirs. All sexual and interpersonal activity should be consensual. You should try new things, stretch your boundaries and expand your horizons. There’s nothing wrong with doing something that doesn’t turn you on just because it makes your partner feel good. They probably do things just to make you happy sometimes. Just don’t do anything you really don’t want to do.

You might find that you enjoy some AB/DL activities, but not others. For instance, maybe you enjoy feeding your adult baby, tickling them, talking baby talk or giving them a good spanking, but you are not up for changing their diapers. Don’t be afraid to assert your boundaries. Just because you’re in love with an AB/DL doesn’t mean you have to give into all of your baby’s demands.

Want some tips on handling your adult baby—or your own emotions? Got questions or concerns? Call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute. We can help.

 

Need to Talk about AB/DL?

Still have questions? Not sure how to explore your Adult Baby Diaper Lover fetish by yourself or with a partner? Want to b

etter understand this aspect of your life? Are you in a relationship with an AB/DL and not sure how to handle it? Are you an AB/DL who wants to share this with your spouse, partner or someone new? It’s okay if there’s more you need to know. AB/DL is widely misunderstood, and it’s hard to find someone with whom to discuss, discover, explore and enjoy them.

Whatever your desires or concerns, you can talk about them with the Therapists Without Borders at the Dr. Susan Block Institute. Several of us are experts in adult baby fetishes, diaper play and other aspects of AB/DL. Whether you want serious sex therapy or just an erotic phone sex or webcam experience, we’re just a phone call away. Call us anytime 24/7 at 213-291-9497.

We’re here for you.

 

 

The Dr. Susan Block Institute Established 1991

For more information, call our recorded line.

213.291.9497

We’re available 24/7, including all holidays.

Sign Up For Therapy

GANGBANG Phone Sex Therapy

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by Dr. Susan Block.

Are you thinking about gangbangs?

Do you ever fantasize about multiple men having sex with one woman? Do you imagine your wife, lover or favorite celebrity at the center of the action?  Would you want it to be with your friends or strangers? Have you ever participated in a gangbang? Would you like to try it?

Do you need to talk about it?

Being aroused by the idea of participating in a consensual gangbang is normal and a lot more common than you might realize.  You may want to act on your desire, or you may not. Regardless, though gangbangs and all forms of group sex are taboo in most modern human societies—and no one should ever take part in a nonconsensual gangbang—they remain part of our prehistoric primate heritage. Indeed, gangbangs have been going on since the dawn of humanity, for thousands of years before the concepts of monogamy and even fatherhood came into understanding.

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Need to talk privately about gangbangs, group sex, swinging, cuckolding or any other form of recreational sex? call the world’s foremost experts, the Therapists Without Borders at the Dr. Susan Block Institute. Our team of highly qualified sex therapists, sex life coaches, fantasy roleplay performers, sexual psychodrama facilitators, erotic hypnotherapists and kink specialists are here for YOU anytime you need to talk.

Whether you want to better understand your own feelings and desires, act them out in real life, learn how to share them with your partner, work through past experiences, hear about our own experiences with gangbangs, or explore a fantasy over the phone, via webcam through sext therapy and/or in person, we’re here for you. Call 213-291-9497.

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Why Do You Love Gangbangs?

Many gangbang enthusiasts are worried that their interest in gangbangs, threesomes “The Lifestyle” and other forms of group sex makes them “weird.” If that sounds like you, rest assured you’re not weird.

Human sexual history, in fact, is loaded with various kinds of group sex, including gangbangs. Unfortunately, much of it—way too much of it—has been by force, most notably and tragically during wartime. Unfortunately, when Hollywood movies, such as The Accused, depict gangbangs, though they don’t show genitalia like porn, they almost invariably show the horrible, nonconsensual kind.

However, some of the group sex that’s been going on since hunter/gatherer times has been consensual and a great pleasure, as well as a profoundly meaningful experience, for all involved. That includes gender-balanced swing parties, same sex orgies, one male with a “harem” of females, as well as one female having sex with multiple men.

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So, there’s nothing new about group sex, including gangbangs. What is *new* is that the Internet allows us to learn more about what other people do than ever before in human history. Moreover, if we want, we can *hook up* with people who share our desires—including the desire to watch or partake in a good gangbang.

Search “gangbang” in google, and you’ll see megatons of gangbang porn, and the great majority appears to be enthusiastically consensual. According to PornHub.com, which received 42 billion visits in 2019, “threesome” was the 13th most popular search term and “gangbang” was the 19th most popular, putting both in the top 20.

But why is this? Aren’t we supposed to want to be with just one special lover? Why would sharing lovers with others turn us on?

 

Sperm Wars & the Upsuck Effect

The “Sperm Wars” phenomenon—where the womb becomes a battleground for sperm that fight like armies or football teams to get one of their sperm (the proverbial football) to the egg first—gives us a biological explanation of why gangbangs are so popular.

Studies show that a man’s sperm count tends to rise when competition to fertilize the egg of his wife or girlfriend appears to be high. Whether the man really has genuine rivals who are having sex with his partner or it’s just in his vivid imagination, his brain sends a message to his testicles that says, “Send in the army!” or “We need the whole football team, including reinforcements, for this game!”

In other words, “Make more sperm!”

Whether he’s excited and happy about the competition or jealous and angry, this phenomenon tends to give a man a stronger erection and a more explosive ejaculation. Of course, it’s better for everyone concerned if he’s more glad than mad, but that does explain why jealous, angry lovemaking or “makeup sex” can be so arousing for some people, despite their better judgment.

Conversely, sperm counts often decline in the routine sex of monogamous relationships, no matter how intimate and loving. Since the element of competition is missing, the brain’s message to the balls is, “You don’t need the whole football team to score this goal since there’s no rival team on the field. Conserve your resources and just send in a few runners.”

The shape of the human penis gives us another clue as to why gangbangs are so popular. A study by Gordon Gallup and coworkers (2003) concluded that one evolutionary purpose of the thrusting motion characteristic of intense intercourse is for the penis to “upsuck” another man’s semen before depositing its own. Thus a man’s urge to thrust, through intercourse or masturbation, is often enhanced by the presence of another man or several men, whether real or fantasized.

 

A Galaxy of Gangbangs

There are many different kinds of gangbangs.

There’s the beach party gangbang, a birthday gangbang, a soft-swing gangbang that involves outercourse instead of intercourse. It could be a spanking gangbang, a cuckold gangbang, an oral or an anal gangbang.

In terms of the participants, there’s the classic one-woman-with-a-male-gang scenario—and then there’s anything else that turns you and you partner(s) on.

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Maybe you’re a man who longs to be gangbanged by other men, or perhaps by a group of women sporting strap-ons or squirting all over you.

Most men who imagine such scenarios don’t dare express their feelings, not to other men nor to the women in their lives, for fear of being humiliated… even if “humiliation” is part of the fantasy.

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Need to talk about it privately with someone who understands? Call us at 213.291.9497.

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Consent is Essential

As with any type of sexual activity, the most important element of a gangbang is consent. Fantasy gangbangs can involve whatever turns you on, but any real-life gangbang should require enthusiastic consent from all participants, especially the recipient, the person (usually, but not always, a female) who is at the center of the gangbang.

Otherwise, it’s a gang rape. Even if that turns you on in fantasy, it’s not something to ever participate in reality.

Block Institute Director Susan M. Block, Ph.D.

Institute Director Susan M. Block, Ph.D.

Keep in mind that, for many reasons, feelings of consent can change over the course of a few minutes or hours. So, it’s important to continually “check in” with the recipient to make sure she or he is “all right,” happy and eager for more.

At the first sign of reluctance on the part of the recipient, no matter how turned on everybody else is, the gangbang must stop.

Whether or not the gangbang is a success, it’s important to provide “after care,” especially to the recipient. This could take the form of hugs, drinks, food, help cleaning up, words of appreciation, a massage or whatever the recipient enjoys.

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Need advice preparing your next gangbang soirée?
We’ll help you to make sure it’s a success for all concerned.
Call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute at 213.291.9497.

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Are You a Cuckold?

Cuckold” is an old English term for a man whose wife (often called a “hotwife”) has sex with other men (called “bulls”). In the 21st century, there has been a resurgence of interest in the cuckold’s predicament, cuckold sex, cuckold fantasies, cuckold erotica, hot wives, big bulls, sperm wars and the cuckold lifestyle.

There’s also the cuckold gangbang, when the hotwife has sex with several bulls at one time. The gangbang may or may not include the cuckold himself.

There are many types of cuckolds: Submissive Cuckolds, Dominant Cuckolds, Sissy Cuckolds, Fantasy Cuckolds, Sapiosexual Cuckolds, Interracial Cuckolds, Small-Cock Cuckolds, Bi-Curious Cuckolds, Swinger Cuckolds, Spanked Cuckolds, Cuckolds-in-Bondage, Cuckolds-in-Chastity, Director Cuckolds, Cuckold Voyeurs, Cuckold Exhibitionists, Cheated-On Cuckolds, Trans Cuckolds, Reluctant Cuckolds, Humiliated Cuckolds, Happy Cuckolds and many more varieties.

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Along with the growing popularity of cuckolding, there has been a growing acceptance of it as a “normal” sexual interest, even if it’s enhanced with a gangbang, as long as it’s all consensual.

Nevertheless, many men feel ashamed of their desire to be cuckolded, perhaps especially if it involves a gangbang. Such men tend to feel a whole lot better when they learn the “sperm wars” biological explanation for their desires, as well as just how common and “normal” these desires are.

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Need to talk about sperm wars, cuckolding or gangbangs?
Call the Dr. Susan Block Institute at 213-291-9497.

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Group Sex & Swinging

There are many forms of group sex, from threesomes to orgies, polyamorous arrangements, swing parties and pansexual celebrations. Gangbangs are another form of group sex.

Group sex might sound very kinky for some, but it fulfills a very natural, human need to share erotic, orgasmic, loving experiences with multiple people, friends, loved ones and attractive strangers.  In a world that increasingly demands compartmentalization and isolation, there are few arenas left in which humans can share in this vital, life-affirming experience of communal ecstasy.

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Different group sex formations are popular, such as the “daisy chain” in which participants perform oral sex on each other in circular formation.  

Some threesomes exhibit a gangbang flair, such as the “spit-roast,” where two males engage a female (or another male), with one penetrating from the rear, usually doggy style, while the female performs fellatio on the other male. There’s also “double-penetration” in which one male penetrates the lady’s vagina while the other enters her anus. If she goes down on another, that’s a triple-penetration.  Add a few more guys around them, watching, stroking themselves and waiting their turn, and you’ve got a classic gangbang.

 

Go Bonobos for Gangbangs

Gangbangs and other forms of group sex are very common amongst our closest genetic cousins, both common chimpanzees—who are more likely do it non-consensually—and especially bonobos —who usually do it with enthusiastic consent and are thus far more worthy of our emulation

In fact, the sexual behavior of all the great apes is a fascinating window into how early human sexual behavior evolved, giving us vital clues as to why gangbangs are so arousing for so many people.

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Many anthropologists agree that prehistoric humans often engaged in various forms of group sex for tens of thousands of years before the advent of farming and “civilization” started pressuring people, especially women, to be sexually monogamous.

Certainly, prehistoric humans participated in consensual gangbangs and other bonoboesque forms of recreational sex that are generally considered taboo in modern human society.

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Do you yearn to liberate your inner bonobo… at least in the Erotic Theater of the Mind?
Call us at 213-291-9497.

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Bukkake Gangbangs

If you’re a porn fan, you probably know that “bukkake” is a Japanese term that refers to spraying the face and body of a person, usually a woman, though sometimes a man, with sperm from one, several or many men. The word actually means “splash” or “squirt” in Japanese. In some bukkake sessions, 150 men ejaculate onto one woman.

That’s some gigantic gangbang!

In American-style bukkake, the recipient acts like she’s enjoying herself, rubbing the sperm into her skin like a beauty treatment.

In Japanese-style bukkake, the recipient is more degraded, often acting like she is an unwilling participant (hopefully, it’s just an act). 

Legend has it that in ancient Japan, an adulterous woman would be dragged into the town square and tied up, whereupon every man in town ejaculated all over her in a frenzied bukkake gangbang. Basically, they seem to have been saying, “If you’re going to take it from a man other than you husband, you’re going to get it from everyone else. You’re going to be gangbanged.”

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Some say it comes from the practice of stoning an unfaithful woman to death, and that bukkake is a “kinder, gentler” chastisement. Whether or not the legends are true, “bukkake” became a form of Japanese porn in the 1980s, grew in popularity, and now if you type “bukkake” into google, you’re likely to get hundreds of sites, even if you don’t spell it right.

Bukkake is so vivid and provocative, it can represent many different ideas and feelings. Years ago, in an antiwar context, I compared the “Shock & Awe” bombing of Iraq with bukkake (the nonconsensual kind) in Bukkake Bombing Crusade.

But back to consensual bukkake (even if it’s made to look forced) where nobody gets killed and, hopefully, everybody has fun and big orgasms, including the recipient.

By far the most common bukkake scenario is a group of males ejaculating on a female, but there are scenes where a group of women gangbang a man or woman, spraying the recipient with female ejaculate.  

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Gay male bukkake gangbangs are also popular in which a group of men gangbang one male recipient, covering him in their creamy spunk.

Just the sight of all that semen can trigger the Sperm Wars effect in many guys—gay, straight or bi.

Banzai!

 

Gangbangs: Natural, Normal…But Not Easy

Just because a desire for gangbangs is natural and popular doesn’t mean it’s easy to make it happen in real life, especially in our erotophobic society. There are many variables with one-on-one sex, and group sex just ratchets up the possibilities for problems as well as pleasure.

For instance, say you’re a man with an intense gangbang fantasy that you’d really like to make happen in real life. But what if the woman (your wife? Your girlfriend? Your sex buddy?) isn’t as enthusiastic about being “gangbanged” as you are about seeing her in that situation? 

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What if you can’t find the right guys? Where do you find them? How do you screen them? How do you handle safer sex? What if, despite the fantasy turning you on, the reality makes you jealous? What if people gossip about it, take photos without your permission or otherwise betray your trust?  How do you mix lust with trust?

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Sometimes it helps to talk freely with someone who understands, won’t judge you and will help you. Whether you need more personalized advice or just want to roleplay a fantasy, call the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime at 213-291-9497

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Are You a Gangbang Goddess?

Are you a woman who wants to be gangbanged? Congratulations! You are a very sexual female, and you deserve to enjoy the tremendous, unparalleled pleasures of group sex.

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The good news is it probably won’t be tough for you to find partners who want to gangbang you. Just post an ad on a swinger site and watch the replies flood your inbox.

The bad news is that it’s not so easy to find partners you really like, feel attraction for and trust with your naked sexuality. It might take some time and patience to mix trust with lust to create the gangbang of your dreams.

Unfortunately, most modern societies around the world denigrate all forms of group sex, including consensual gangbangs. This can make your partner judge you harshly for confessing or expressing your desires. So, it’s usually best that you understand your feelings and the issues involved before divulging too much.

Most importantly, before you plunge into the deep end of gangbanging and group sex, make sure this is something you want to do, not just something your husband or lover wants you to do. Don’t grudgingly “go along” with a scene that doesn’t turn you on, like Paul Manafort’s wife is alleged to have done in their “interracial” gangbangs. Enthusiastic consent—on your part and the part of all involved—is the basis of a great gangbang or any kind of great sex at all.

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Need to talk about how to turn your gangbang fantasy into reality?  Want to find out how to create the ultimate gangbang, whom to invite, what to serve and what to wear? Want to learn more about the origins of your personal gangbang desires? Or do you just want to enjoy guided masturbation as we explore the fantasy together?

Whatever you need to talk about, you can call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute and talk to one of our male, female,  trans or non-binary therapists of all ages over 18 with great gangbang knowledge, experience and erotic appreciation.

Whether you’d like to get a better understanding of your fetish, get some tips for talking to your partner about it, work through past experiences, hear about our  experiences with gangbangs, or just explore gangbangs in the Erotic Theater of the Mind over the phone, via webcam through sext therapy and/or in person, we’re here to help.  Call us anytime at 213-291-9497.

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The Dr. Susan Block Institute Established 1991

For more information, call our recorded line.

213.291.9497

We’re available 24/7, including all holidays.

Sign Up For Therapy

Lingerie Phone Sex Therapy

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Love lingerie?

Like sexy panties, stockings, garter belts, diaphanous robes, cute teddies, slinky slips, bras, corsets, old-fashioned girdles or pantyhose?

What about materials? Do you prefer silky or lacy lingerie, satin, chiffon, nylon, fishnet, latex, spandex or pure simple cotton?

How about colors? Sultry black? Virginal white? Fire-engine red? Classic navy? Sparkly silver or gaudy gold? Passionate purple? Vintage ivory? Hot pink?

Do you love to look at your lovers in lingerie, feel the sensuous material, smell the intimate aroma… or wear it yourself?

Whether you’ve got a full-blown lingerie “fetish” or just an erotic interest, you can talk about it with the lingerie-loving Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime 24/7.

Rest assured, your privacy is paramount, and everything you share with us is absolutely confidential.

Let us help you explore, understand and enjoy your interest in lingerie and anything else you need to talk about that you can’t talk about with anyone else. You can talk to us, and we are here for YOU.

And yes, of course, you can masturbate, if you want, during sessions. And no, there is no sex therapy center or phone sex service quite like ours.

Call us anytime: 213-291-9497.

Dr. Susan Block Institute Director Susan Block, Ph.D., in some of her favorite lingerie. Photo: Jux Lii

Dr. Susan Block Institute Director Susan Block, Ph.D., in some of her favorite hot pink lingerie. Photo: Jux Lii

 

The Dr. Susan Block Institute Established 1991

For more information, call our recorded line.

213.291.9497

We’re available 24/7, including all holidays.

Sign Up For Therapy

SPANKING for DUMMIES :-)

How to Spank & Get Spanked Your First Time

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by Dr. Susan Block.

10 Steps to Receiving Your First Erotic Adult Spanking

  • Make Sure You Want to Get Spanked
    Ask yourself: Am I getting spanked because I really want to, or is somebody talking me into it? It’s okay if someone you trust respectfully encourages you to experience spanking, but if you feel coerced into something you don’t want, stop right there, get off your hands and knees, grab your keys and go home. Even if it turns you on to be very submissive, you should only receive a spanking because YOU want to get spanked.
  • Make Sure Your Partner Wants to Spank You
    In any BDSM play, it’s mostly about what the subbie wants, but the dominant partner’s needs and capabilities are important too. Does your potential spanker really want to give you the spanking you crave? They should be as excited about it as you—or at least, happy to give it a go, since it’s what you want. On the other hand, if they are wary or fearful, due to the past trauma of being spanked as a child, or if they just can’t get past the idea that spanking is “hitting,” and that even if it’s consensual, it’s “wrong”… then maybe this isn’t the perfect spanker for you. To learn how your potential spanker really feels about spanking, communication is key. Body language speaks volumes, but nothing beats (pun intended) asking “How do you feel about erotic adult spanking?”—perhaps in reference to an Internet post, our magazine or a “dream” you just had. Really listen to what they have to say, whether you like it or not. Be patient. Stay positive! You will find the happy spanker of your naughty dreams, or they will find you.
  • Who Are You? Want to Roleplay?
    Now that you know you’re happy and your partner’s happy, ask yourself: “Would I rather make believe that I’m unhappy?” That is, do you want your spanking to be a pretend punishment for being “bad” or “naughty,” or are you simply interested in exploring percussive posterior sensations? Do you imagine that you are a pouting brat, a tearful hostage, a naughty student, a disciplined slave, a tantric initiate, a cosplay superhero getting smacked by the villain, or are you “just you” being spanked erotically for the first time? Sometimes it’s easier to enjoy yourself when you “let your self go” and “play” an imaginary “role.”  Then again, it might be better to just be yourself or, if you trust your partner and they’ve got creative roleplay ideas that excite you, go with their flow.
  • Prepare Yourself & Your Gear
    Whatever your spanking role in this play, it’s time to clean up your act! Unless your spanker requests a dirty spankee (literally), make sure your tushy and all surrounding areas are clean and fresh. This is a good idea, even if you plan to keep your pants on, since sometimes a sound spanking can bring out the body fluids, which is a good thing… unless you didn’t wash. What about wardrobe? Wear something you find sexy and spankable, perhaps a costume that fits your roleplay. A skirt to pull up and/or panties to pull down are all-time favorites. Some first-time spankees want the security of full coverage pants or pantyhose; others enjoy being stripped and shaved bare for maximum feeling and exposure. Whatever you prefer, prepare yourself accordingly. Though it’s usually the spanker’s responsibility to provide props for this play, if you have a certain special paddle, hairbrush or book (Bonobo Way, anyone?) with which you’d like to be spanked, bring it.
  • What’s Your Safe Word & What are Your Ground Rules?
    How far do you want to go? Think and talk about your “ground rules” before you start. Your spanking may happen spontaneously, and there’s nothing wrong with that as long as it’s consensual. Isn’t it great when it “just happens”? Of course, but that doesn’t make a planned spanking inferior. In fact, in many ways, it can be better. Think about what kind of spanking you’d like and what you definitely wouldn’t like and tell your partner. Now’s also the time to establish boundaries and confess any medical conditions that could be affected by a sound spanking. Pick a safeword, and don’t be afraid to use it. A safeword should make it clear that you want the spanking to stop and stop now. Of course, you could say “stop,” but you might prefer a different word, so you can enjoy moaning “stop!” in character, but your spanker won’t stop… until you use that safeword. One popular choice is “red,” though lately, a lot of submissives are choosing the safeword “Donald Trump” to indicate that they’ve had enough.
  • Assume the Position
    There’s no rule that says you can’t change position, mid-spanking, and a degree of discomfort can make your spanking pleasantly kinky. However, this being your First Spanking, you should start out as comfortable as possible. After all, this should be a pain in the butt, not the neck. Consider both physical and emotional comfort, as well as roleplay factors, when choosing whether to go Over the Knee (OTK), over a piece of furniture (bed, couch, chair, desk or table, to name a few), up against the wall or standing spread-eagled tied to a St. Andrew’s Cross. You might also consider your spanker’s comfort, especially if they are older, smaller than you or physically challenged. But this is your First Spanking, so mainly consider your comforts. Once you’ve chosen a position, assume it as fully as possible, showing off that derriere, arching that back, maybe twerk that ass or keep it perfectly still—whatever arouses you and your spanker.
  • Start Soft
    Let your spanker know you’d like to start nice and easy, rather than hard and crazy. You can always go harder later, but you need a “warm-up” both physically (like with any form of exertion that “hurts so good”) and emotionally (spanking can bring up very deep feelings). This is mostly your spanker’s responsibility, but it’s your ass, so if you’re not sure they know how to start, tell them: Start softly, and go harder if and when you ask for it…. maybe even beg for it! This should be one of your Ground Rules, so you don’t have to “break character” once you get spanking. And if your spanker starts off too hard anyway, use that safeword.
  • Give Feedback
    Now that your spanking is underway, enjoy it! If all is going well, take a deep breath, and let yourself really fully experience that amazing spanking feeling all through your body. Don’t neglect to share the good news with your partner who, if they’re any good at this, is paying close attention to your responses as they spank. If you like it, don’t be too shy to moan, sigh or squeal in a positive way, or just say “I like it.” What if you don’t like it? Use your safe word and communicate this to your partner. Don’t suffer in silence (that’s the wrong kind of suffering!). If your spanker complains that you are “topping from the bottom,” you might want to politely get up off their lap and find another spanker who will respect you.
  • Enjoy Sub Space
    Are you enjoying your spanking? Congratulations! If you’d like more and harder, you can encourage your spanker to give it to you through your moans, squeals and saying “Oh yes!” You could even “beg” them for it. As the spanking heats up, if you feel you can trust your partner, you might relax and go into “sub space,” an altered state of bliss induced by submission to skillfully administered spanking, your endorphins rising to counteract the pain. Be careful, don’t fall off that lap now, but do enjoy your spanking experience. It can be a therapeutic treatment that’s as healing as a good massage. You might even have an orgasm, a “spankgasm.”
  • Take After-Care
    Whether you think you need it or not, after a good spanking—or especially after a bad one—you need after-care. Make sure your spanker understands this, so they will tend your wounded butt, get you a drink or a snack or just hold you and let you talk about your feelings. Or maybe you want them to admire your reddened ass as your show off their handiwork. If it’s a good spanking, you’ll definitely want after-care from your spanker, building trust and intimacy so that the next spanking will be even better. If it’s not so good, you might need to get away and get after-care from someone else. After-care is mostly for the spankee, but very often, the spanker also needs a form of “after-care,” in that they want and need to know that you’re okay, that the “terrible” spanking they just gave you was actually very nice. So give thanks for their good spanking in some way! If not right then and there because you’re just too overcome with emotion, then later. If you’re really not okay, let them know, with love, so they can improve their spanking sensitivity and abilities, with you or their next partner. Whether it was good or bad, don’t make any sudden moves after a spanking. Certainly don’t get spanked and drive; your blood count may be alcohol-free, but you might still be “drunk” on sub space.

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10 Steps to GIVING Your First Erotic Adult Spanking

  • Make Sure You’re Ready to Give a Spanking
    You’re in charge, right? Well, yes, you’re the one doing the spanking, but if this is your First Time, you need to be in the right frame of mind. Even if you’re not sure if you’ll like it, you should want to give it a try. Nobody can physically make you spank them, but a wily submissive might manipulate you into giving a spanking you don’t want to give. This could trigger bad memories of being spanked or otherwise abused as a child, making it traumatic for you, making you feel fearful or angry. Do NOT spank someone in anger. If you’re angry, you need to cool off or talk, not spank. Erotic adult spanking should not be an outlet for your anger or a real punishment for so-called wrongdoing, and it certainly shouldn’t be abusive or disrespectful. It should be a mutual recreational pleasure… with a little bit of pain.
  • Make Sure Your Partner Wants You to Spank Them
    Now that you know you want to give a spanking, make sure your intended spankee wants to receive one… from you! This is a little trickier than Step 1, so you’ll need to communicate, usually with words, though not necessarily. For instance, if you’re already in a sexual relationship, you can try adding a little spank or two to your usual repertoire of caresses and squeezes, and see how your partner reacts. If they squeal or moan in a positive way or, better yet, if they say, “I like that!” you know you can go farther. You don’t have to draw up a spanking contract; if you’re already having sex, you can just add spanking slowly and organically. On the other hand, if you’d like to spank a friend, co-worker or acquaintance, you may need a contract. Seriously, make sure to get full, sober consent for whatever you want to do, for both of your sakes. Don’t skimp on this step! Consent is sexy.
  • Who Are You? Just Yourself or Roleplaying?
    Having confirmed consent, consider how you envision yourself giving a spanking. As a classic spanking master or mistress in leather or latex? Or are you more of a domestic disciplinarian, a CIA interrogator, an avenging superhero, a demanding boss, a paddle-wielding gym teacher or Stormy Daniels spanking Trump’s rump with a Forbes? Then again, you might just rather be your simple spanking hot self. When in doubt, ask your spankee what they’d like you to be, and try that role on for size. Do a little research, such as reading spanking erotica or watching videos in your spankee’s preferred genre, and let their desires mix with your imagination.
  • Prepare Yourself & Your Stuff
    You might like to be a dirty Dom, but you should clean your body, if not your mind, for the occasion. A manicure is a nice touch; nobody wants to be spanked by filthy, unkempt fingernails. Dress or undress according to your character and your spankee’s preference. You want them to submit to your spanking, and the right outfit—whether leather, latex, lingerie, suit, costume or uniform—can be an essential ingredient. Part of your preparation should be to learn how to spank properly. Ideally, you will have received a few spankings before giving one so you know what it’s like. You could also take spanking lessons so you learn where the “sweet spots” are (the lower, fleshy parts of the butt) and what to avoid (the kidneys). Have a medical kit nearby, just in case. Prepare some spanking implements, a paddle, crop, whip or flogger. Test your tools on yourself before using them on anyone else. Even if you plan to just use your hand, your partner might have a tougher hide than you realize, and your palm or wrist may give out before their derrière does. Make plans as best you can, but the best-laid plans may not get you laid the way you planned. Be flexible, and always have a Plan B.
  • Establish the Ground Rules & Safeword
    Giving your regular partner a few spanks on the butt during sex doesn’t require too many “rules” except to start light and pay close attention to their reactions. Doggystyle or Cowgirl are great positions for the penetrator to spank the penetratee, as the butt is most accessible to the penetrator. On the other hand, Missionary is the optimal position for the penetratee to spank the penetrator, spurring them on to thrust harder. If you do it spontaneously without formally asking, don’t neglect to ask later how your partner felt about it. If you aren’t in a sexual relationship, you’ll need more ground rules. Most of these should come from the spankee, but you might have a few rules yourself. If your partner is shy, draw them out and help them to establish sound boundaries. Find out if they have any medical conditions that might affect your spanking. Make sure your partner has a safe word; “Red,” “Blue,” “Trump,” “Mueller Time”—whatever it is, note it, respect it and stop everything if they say it.
  • Assume the Position
    Now you’re ready to spank. Woohoo! Help your spankee find a comfortable position that is also good for you. This could be Over-the-Knee (OTK), bent across the desk (or any sturdy piece of furniture) or standing up against the wall, legs spread, back arched. Consider how you will get the best leverage for maximum impact control. Size could be a factor; if your spankee is considerably bigger than you, OTK might be awkward, and over the couch a better “fit.” After confirming consent, you might adjust their position or outfit more to your liking and for easy accessibility. As you do this, you can heighten the anticipation by explaining how or why you are going to give the spankee a good spanking. Little by little, you are taking charge of their ass.
  • Start Soft, Explore, Pay Attention
    Do NOT come on swinging like a slugger in a boxing match. Start with soft taps, especially if you are bigger and stronger than the spankee. Accept the possibility that you may not know your own strength and take it slow. You can always go harder as they “beg for it.” Be sure to start with the buns. There are many parts of the body that could respond well to a spanking—the boobs, the genitals, the backs of the legs—but it’s best to begin with the bottom. God, the Goddess or Natural Selection seems to have “made” the lower, meatier part of the buttocks for spanking. Cup your hand as you spank for more resounding but less painful impact. In between smacks, caress and fondle the butt. You can even kiss that ass. You might also play with the spankee’s genitals or pull their hair—very lightly, to begin—if they like that. Spank lightly, explore and pay close attention to their vocalizations and body language. Let them be your guide
  • Go Harder & Faster… Gradually
    Congrats! If you’ve gotten to this Step, you’re doing pretty well as a first-time spanker. Now you have the challenge of upping the impact play without overdoing it. When in doubt, go back to light and soft, and for many first timers, that’s enough. But if both of you are enjoying it, you can rev things up, perhaps spanking harder, with implements, smacking body parts other than the butt or doing other things, like hair-pulling or nipple-pinching, while spanking. You might also rev up the roleplay, teasing and pleasing as you move into more dramatic, emotional areas, if it feels right. Even as you crank it up, keep it erotic by interspersing caresses and squeezes with hard spanks. Be careful not to hit the kidneys, other vital organs or the spine, and certainly don’t do anything that could cause real physical damage. And don’t worry about breaking character, if you feel you need to “check in” with your spankee’s physical or emotional state just to make sure they’re okay, even if they haven’t used their safeword. Better to be safe than so sorry you’ll never spank again!
  • Take Feedback
    As the spanker, you should frequently request feedback from your spankee, There may come a point, maybe after several spankings, where you know your spankee really well and you don’t need much feedback. Until that point, do not assume that you know how they are feeling—ever, and certainly not on your first time spanking them. If your spankee is shy and doesn’t give feedback easily, make an effort to draw them out. Whatever you do, don’t gag your spankee on your or their first foray into the wonderful, whacky world of spanking. You need to hear their feedback. If some of the feedback is critical of your spanking skills, try not to take offense or tell them they’re not submissive enough. Instead, consider it a learning experience, and your spankee is your teacher, even if they’re the one in the cheerleading skirt.
  • Give After-Care
    Always provide after-care to your spankee, whether you think they need it or not. This might entail talking—or more likely listening to them talk about how being spanked made them feel. It’s an important therapeutic release for them, but it’s also good feedback for you. After-care might also involve hugging, though if your spankee would rather not be hugged, don’t make them hug you. One fun part of after-care is checking out your handiwork on your spankee’s well-spanked bottom. Don’t skimp on the compliments if you want to spank them again. You might feel you need after-care too, after all that physical, mental and emotional exertion, so hopefully the after-care love will flow both ways. Nevertheless, it’s your responsibility as the spanker to make sure the spankee feels good and cared for, post-spanking. If you can do that, congratulations on giving your first consensual erotic adult spanking! With hopefully, more to come….

Need to Talk PRIVATELY about Spanking?
Call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime at 213.291.9497.
We’re here for you.

The Dr. Susan Block Institute Established 1991

For more information, call our recorded line.

213.291.9497

We’re available 24/7, including all holidays.

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ORGASM

AD ORGASM2

by Dr. Susan Block.

It’s all about the orgasm.

Well, maybe not all. There are other important aspects to good sex: sensuality, intimacy, humor, consent, creativity, openness, communication, love. But for many people, orgasms—yours and your lover(s)—tendto be the high points of sexual experience.

Orgasm might just be the peak of our very existence. That’s why we also call it a “climax.” It’s certainly considered by many to be the most pleasurable thing we can enjoy. That thrumming rush of endorphins as it builds via foreplay, teasing and erotic tension, the electric thrill, the ultimate eruption and release, accompanied by intensely pleasurable, rhythmic muscle contractions in the pelvis and sometimes throughout the body, as well as in the mind, ecstasy enveloping your entire being, sometime make you feel that you “lose” your body… or your mind. You might also feel like you’re floating through space or hurtling through time into infinity, a shattering of the “ego,” blending into a deep “cosmic” awareness of your cellular connection with everyone and everything in the universe, along with a marvelous sense of well-being.

Oh, what a feeling.

Yet, for some of us, orgasms are elusive, “over-rated” and almost mythical. Some people, usually women, have never experienced sexual climax in their lives. Other women or men, due to the aging process, or physical and/or mental trauma, may have once climaxed easily and often, but not anymore.

Orgasms aren’t everything, but not having them—for whatever reason—can certainly take the wind out of your sexual sails. What to do?

Need to talk about your orgasms?

Private and absolutely confidential, you can call the orgasm experts of the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime: 213-291-9497. Whatever your question, desire or orgasmic issue, we’re here for you.

Orgasm Education

Could you benefit from a little orgasm education? It’s not a subject they teach in school… at least not in the classroom. Yet most of us would greatly benefit from learning a thing or two about orgasms, as well as why and how we have them… or don’t have them.

Not everyone just instinctively “knows” how to climax in a way that is satisfying for themselves and their partners. Many women have to learn to “achieve” or release orgasm, and many men greatly benefit from learning to control the timing of their orgasms. Most people of all genders can achieve greater, stronger orgasms through experience, education and just sharing information.

What kinds of orgasms do you experience? What would you like to try?

Orgasms are like flowers; there are many different varieties.  All are beautiful in their own way, but some may not be your cup of love juice.  There are quickie orgasms, deep slow orgasms, clitoral orgasms and G-spot orgasms (for women), C-spot orgasms (also for women, involving the cervix), P-spot orgasms (for men), blended orgasms, extended orgasms, oral sex orgasms, masturbatory orgasms, woman-on-top orgasms, missionary orgasms, doggy-style orgasms, reverse-cowgirl orgasms, spoon-style orgasms, yabyum orgasms, first-time orgasms, multiple orgasms, simultaneous orgasms, orgasms that seem to come from parts of the body other than the genitals (i.e., nipplegasms, toegasms, eargasms), anal orgasms, emotional orgasms, no-touch orgasms, fantasy-powered orgasms, fetish-oriented orgasms, vibrator orgasms, dildo orgasms, sadomasochistic orgasms, orgy orgasms, bondage orgasms, pain-killer orgasms, sinus-clearing orgasms, “Sperm Wars” orgasms, tantric-style non-ejaculatory orgasms for men, male ejaculatory orgasms that shoot versus the kind that just dribble, and female ejaculatory orgasms (squirting). There are even so-called “forced orgasms” where the Dominant partner restrains the submissive (consensually, of course) until they climax, seemingly against their will. There are mini-orgasms that last a half-second and orgasms that go on for days—or feel like they do.

Got questions about any type of orgasm? Give us a call anytime at 213-291-9497.

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“Oh God!”

In a very real sense, coming or “cumming” is sacred. Maybe that’s why so many of us call out to “God” when we cum. Climaxing launches us into a higher state of being—one many of us yearn to experience on a regular basis. However, while frequent orgasming is good and good for you, there are some practical limits. After all, you’ve got a life to live, maybe a job to work, relationships to foster, issues to deal with. Sacrificing everything else for the sake of the ultimate O isn’t necessarily desirable or even feasible.

For instance, you may be a “demisexual” who can only climax via intimacy with a meaningful partner, which might sound very nice but means that you freeze up during first-time encounters. On the other hand, you might have stronger orgasms via self-pleasure—or, even more problematic, during an affair—than with your regular partner, the person you love.

Orgasms, though fabulous, can be fickle.

Are your orgasmic needs at odds with your other needs, desires and goals? Need to sort it out with someone knowledgeable?

Or do you feel like you just need to “cum” in a safe, confidential context that doesn’t interfere with your other priorities and just lets you enjoy your strongest solo-sex orgasm possible?

To kick that Big O into overdrive, call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime 24/7. And yes, of course, you can masturbate during sessions. And no, there is no sex therapy center or phone sex service quite like ours. Call us: 213-291-9497.

Orgasm Yoga

Many people practice yoga, meditation and martial arts to reach that “higher” level of being, but an orgasm instantly blasts you past anything those disciplines can achieve—and (usually) with a lot less effort. It might not last long or grant deep wisdom, but there’s no denying the physical and mental bliss that occurs in that explosive moment and in the lingering after-glow.

How about orgasm yoga? Perhaps a class like the late great Dr. Betty Dodson taught featuring lessons in arousal and orgasm control, climaxing with a naked, orgiastic group release. Talk about Hot Yoga… wow! Sounds titillating—and it sure is—but unless you are an exhibitionist, for most people, having an orgasm is a private affair.

How about a private orgasm yoga class one-on-one with just you and your orgasm yoga teacher? We can make it happen via phone, webcam or sext therapy.

To get started, call us anytime at 213-291-9497.

A Glorious Gift

Climaxing yourself is one thing (and it’s a very important thing!), but being able to give someone else body-shaking orgasms is also a wonderful skill well worth cultivating. It’s a glorious gift to your partner, not to mention a self-esteem boost for yourself. While it’s certainly true that you are not “responsible” for your partner’s orgasm, there’s no denying how good you both feel when you can help someone you care about “cum.”

Whether you’re rubbing their button, stroking their shaft, fingering their g-spot (or p-spot), grinding against their pubic bone as you penetrate their depths, squeezing their stick, whispering fantasies in their ear, or going up and down as they go in and out, the power to give pleasure is the greatest power you have.

Do you have trouble helping your lover climax? Is your partner unable to orgasm when you have sex? Do you want to improve your ability to give your lover(s) pleasure? Need some advice or inspiration? Call our Pleasure Counselors anytime at 213-291-9497.

Orgasm Issues

We believe that everyone—male, female or however you identify—can experience some kind of orgasm. Furthermore, we all have a “right” to have orgasms (though we don’t have rights to have orgasms with others, unless they consent, of course).

For various reasons, not all of us can achieve orgasm as “freely” and easily as we’d like to, and some of us have a more difficult time of it than others. This may be due to a physical problem; a relationship issue; emotional trauma from past sexual abuse; a strict, religious, anti-sex upbringing or just a lot of really bad sex.

Some women suffer from “anorgasmia,” the inability to climax. The good news is that many anorgasmic learn to have fantastic orgasms, if they really want to, with sex therapy (especially if the anorgasmia is due to trauma from past experiences), sex education, relaxation and kegel exercises, perhaps a good vibrator or, if the anaorgasmia is very severe, the help of medications and hormone treatments.

Though anorgasmia is more common among women than men, some guys, especially older males or men taking antidepressants and other medications, are anorgasmic or just have difficulties climaxing.

Sometimes it might take a long period of stimulation, more than your partner enjoys, for you to climax. You might need or desire more consistent, lengthier or more intense stimulation than your partner can even tolerate. This discrepancy in orgasmic needs can turn pleasure (orgasm) into pain and frustration for both of you.

If that sounds like your situation, maybe we can help, as we’ve helped thousands of men, women and couples every day for over 25 years. Give us a call at 213.291.9497. We’re here for you.

Many men, especially younger men, suffer from so-called “premature” ejaculation. The suffering is not in the orgasm itself, but in the shame and embarrassment often felt with a partner hoping for more. The good news is that most men naturally slow down as they age. Moreover, if you really want to learn how to keep from blowing your load before your partner is ready for it, even when you’re young, you can do it! Read “Pre-Mature Ejaculation Combat Tips & Techniques,” and try the stop-start or squeeze techniques and other suggestions. Then, if you have questions or need some personal guidance for great orgasm control—which ultimately leads to stronger, more satisfying orgasms—give us a call anytime at 213.291-9497.

Benefits of Orgasm

As if the pure pleasure of orgasm isn’t enough to make you want to cum right now, get this: climaxing is good for your health.

It’s common knowledge that orgasms relieve stress, but they also benefit your health in numerous other ways. The big O raises your heart rate—even if you do it lying down! Exercising your heart is great cardio. It’s just what the doctor ordered (though most doctors wouldn’t dare to order it). Orgasms can also reduce inflammation and sometimes completely eliminate the pain of a headache, cramps or even sinus congestion. The sexual hormones released during an orgasm are linked to lower rates of anxiety, depression, and suicide. A good climax can help you fall into that deliciously deep sleep that eludes so many of us in today’s 24/7 society—and its much better for you than taking a Xanax or even a Melatonin. Regularly orgasming keeps your skin healthy and younger looking. An orgasm a day reduces the risk of prostate cancer in men. There’s even evidence that women who climax regularly during sex live longer than women who don’t.

Can more orgasms create peace on earth? Who knows, but it’s the Bonobo Way, and hey, it’s worth a try! Like the old saying goes: You can’t fight a war while you’re having an orgasm.

Orgasm is a great equalizer. Not everyone in this unfortunately unequal world of ours can be rich, powerful, beautiful (in the conventional sense) or “successful.” But everyone alive can experience an orgasm of some sort, and that’s a very valuable kind of “success” of its own.

Orgasms are amazing, maybe the most amazing life-affirming moments we living creatures can experience, but they can be tricky. There’s any number of issues that can pop up when dealing with them, just a few of which we’ve mentioned above. Whatever your issue, the orgasm experts of the Dr. Susan Block Institute are here for you. You can call us anytime for a totally confidential conversation about orgasm or any aspect of sex, anytime you need to talk.

Don’t miss out on the better, stronger, easier, healthier orgasms that you deserve.

Call us now at 213-291-9497.

The Dr. Susan Block Institute Established 1991

For more information, call our recorded line.

213.291.9497

We’re available 24/7, including all holidays.

Sign Up For Therapy

Post-Trump Sex Disorder (PTSD)

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There’s a new kind of PTSD: Post-Trump Sex Disorder

Institute Director Dr. Susan Block talks about this topic briefly in the September 2017 issue of Cosmopolitan Magazine as a “sudden and swift aversion to sex caused by the anger, fear and confusion you’ve absorbed from the current political climate…Women, in particular, have been hit hard by PTSD…When [Trump‘s] crude misogynistic comments were not just ignored but rewarded with the presidency, it made a lot of us feel horrible…. “

PTSD like this can be pretty grim news for our sex lives, among other things, but there is treatment… at least for your sex life. As Dr. Block advises: Turn off the alternative facts,” and tune into real intimacy.

COSMO SEPT

More practical erotic advice for combating Post-Trump Sex Disorder from Dr. Block in Cosmo: “Protests are powerful… and they can be a great aphrodisiac.”

Need to talk about your PTSD privately? The “Therapists Without Borders” of the Dr. Susan Block Institute are here for you, providing telephone sex therapy, webcam, sext therapy and relationship counseling throughout the Trumpocalpyse. Call us at 213-291-9497 anytime.

Read Dr. Suzy’s “Post-Trump Sex Disorder(s)”

Post-Trump Sex Disorders

Read it on COUNTERPUNCH

READ CHAUNCEY DEVEGA’S INTERVIEW with DR. SUSAN BLOCK on POST-TRUMP SEX DISORDER & Related Topics in SALON

Post-Trump Sex Disorder

Perhaps you need more personalized ideas for putting healthy distance between the “fake news” and your real sex life. Maybe you need a pep talk with an emphasis on female empowerment, or a fantasy roleplay scene in which the erotic and/or political tables are turned. Then again, perhaps you are a Trump supporter who fantasizes about nonconsensual “pussy-grabbing” and/or “fire and fury,” and you crave the spanking or other type of humiliation that’s coming to you.

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Regardless, rest assured that your privacy and confidentiality is absolutely guaranteed.

Need to talk with someone about something you can’t talk about with anyone else? You can talk with us. The world-famous telephone sex therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences are just a phone call away, available anytime you need to talk, 24 hours a day. You can call us at 213.291.9497.

 

The Dr. Susan Block Institute Established 1991

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Transgender Women

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by Dr. Susan Block.

Transwomen are real women. And yet….

There’s something special about a beautiful woman who knows first-hand what a man likes.

“Transgender Woman” or “MTF” (male-to-female) are the preferred, polite terms for an individual who “transitions from ‘male-to-female,’ meaning a person who was assigned male at birth, but identifies and lives as a female,” according to the National Center for Transgender Equality. Here at the Dr. Susan Block Institute, we support the use of these terms in most discourse, especially public forums. As advocates, allies, friends and lovers of many in the transgender community, we believe that respect is vital to those in transition, whether MTF or FTM (female to male).

And yet…

We also understand that slang terms can be more erotic for many people. In a way, it’s like using the word “cock” instead of “penis,” or “slut” instead of “sexually active individual.”

Therefore, though we tend to use the more dignified terms while engaging in serious therapy, couples counseling and discussions of real-life transitioning or transgender dating and relationships, we also use the more slang terms, such as “tranny” or “shemale,”  during erotic conversation, e.g., “dirty talk,” or fantasy roleplay.

Transwomen, trannies, T-Girls, she-males, chicks with dicks, ladyboys, gender benders,  gals with “something extra”…call them what you will (in consensual, private conversation only please!), but pre-op MTF transgender women are what some would say are “the best of both worlds.”

Perhaps you’re already imagining… a soft, feminine face with beautiful breasts… and a rock hard rod.

It’s no wonder that many people, are erotically drawn to pre-op MTF women—either being with them or becoming one of them… or maybe both.

Whether the idea of touching, sucking, rimming or being anally penetrated by a transwoman—or becoming one yourself—seriously interests or just excites you, transgender fantasies are nothing to be ashamed of.

We also totally understand you may be riddled with confusion and humiliation, tormented by your trans desires which so much of society considers “taboo.”

Whether you’re a top or bottom, genderfluid, non-binary conforming, a “genderfuck,” transboi, transgurl or questioning… or if you are interested in being with someone like that, we’re here for you.

Want to explore your forbidden longing to be with a transwoman, but not sure where to start? Gender and “identity politics” have shifted and many people are wondering how to respectfully court, date and have sex with a transgender person. Others just want to enjoy a hot fantasy. We can help you with either one or both.

We can also help if you are seriously considering gender transition for yourself and need to talk with someone knowledgeable about LGBTQ issues. Concerned about looking “passable” or sounding “femme” enough? Have you been outed as transgender at work, or does the possibility of that worry you? Are you and being harassed? Or do you want to spread your wings and fly? Call us. We can help.

Or, on the other hand, if you don’t want to transition in real life, but just imagining being a woman turns you on, we can help you enjoy a Trans MTF fantasy beyond your wildest dreams right over the phone. Then again, maybe you have no desire to fully transition, even in fantasy, but you do enjoy crossdressing, role reversal or being feminized. We can help with that too.

No matter what your problem, question or desire, rest assured that your confidentiality is absolutely guaranteed.

Need to talk with someone about something you can’t talk about with anyone else? You can talk with us. The world-famous telephone sex therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences are just a phone call away, available anytime you need to talk, 24 hours a day. You can call us at 213.291.9497.

The Dr. Susan Block Institute Established 1991

For more information, call our recorded line.

213.291.9497

We’re available 24/7, including all holidays.

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Celebrity Fantasies

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by Dr. Susan Block.

Do you have a secret crush on a sexy celebrity? You are not alone. Celebrity fantasizing is extremely common. Studies show that up to thirty-three percent of the human population fantasizes about famous people when masturbating. Sexual fantasies about well-known figures in film, music, politics, YouTube, fashion, sports or porn can be exciting, arousing, vicariously glamorous and sometimes even empowering. In many cases, partners can enjoy lighthearted celebrity sex fantasies together.  But for some, fantasizing about celebrities can cause tremendous shame, obsessive desires that can be difficult to manage, as well as disruption or inhibition of real-life love and happiness.

Why do you fantasize about famous people?

“But WHY am I sexually obsessed with this celebrity?” you may ask, and there are many possible answers to this question. Perhaps the object of your obsession reflects your personal ideal of what you’d like in a partner.  Then again, it could also be that the celebrity represents the opposite of the values than you were raised to uphold, which makes them “forbidden fruit,” different, desirable, erotically exotic and enticingly unattainable.  

You may feel that you know your favorite famous person better than you know your own real-life lover(s), even though you actually don’t know your beloved celebrity at all. The sheer accessibility of public figures – images, videos and details about their private lives – coupled with their actual, physical inaccessibility (some are surrounded by bodyguards) provides fertile ground for sexual fantasies to blossom.

With pornography so pervasive, it’s no wonder than many people’s fantasies revolve around adult performers, maybe even more than mainstream celebrities. Moreover, with porn stars, you get to know even more physical details, especially regarding their genitalia and erotic responses. Watching people have sex, often in close-up, as you masturbate, can make you feel incredibly close to the performer, without knowing him or her at all.

Then again, you might have intense sexual fantasies about celebrities who do not try to present themselves in an erotic light, for example, newscasters, daytime talk show hosts, famous doctors, religious leaders or professional athletes. The sky’s the limit when it comes to imagining sex among the stars.

However, not all celebrity fantasy is about having sex. Many people imagine platonic “special friend” relationships with famous people, or even familial ones.  Again, there’s nothing inherently wrong with this, and everybody who watches a film or follows someone they don’t know on social media is, to some extent, fantasizing about celebrities. It’s when the fantasy gets “out of control” and wreaks havoc with your reality, that the illusions can become a problem for you or others.

Another form of celebrity fantasy is to imagine that you are the famous person that you admire. This could be an actor, a rock star, a porn star, a politician or a preacher. You might imagine living that person’s life instead of your own and even having sex as that celebrity, instead of as yourself. Very often, celebrity fantasies like these can be empowering, as the celebrity becomes a kind of role model in your mind. This sort of roleplay can enhance your sexual prowess and confidence. However, constantly imagining you are someone else can inhibit you from enjoying your own life.

Whether sexual, platonic, romantic or pornographic, if your celebrity fantasies are causing problems in your life, and you feel you need to talk about them, the therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute are here for you, 24/7, wherever you are, and whatever the nature of your celebrity fantasies. We can help you sort through whatever problems might arise from them, or if, on the other hand, you feel you don’t have problems with your celebrity fantasies, we can help you to explore them in various ways, including roleplay in the Erotic Theater of the Mind, over the phone or via webcam, helping you to use your celebrity fantasies to enhance your own sexuality, and maybe even improve your life.  Call us anytime you need to talk at 213-291-9397.

Who knows, we might even be able to get you together – on the phone, cam or in person – with the celebrity of your dreams. We know a lot of people in Hollywood and around the world, and we’ve done it before. No guarantees, but it’s also true that almost everyone has a price… especially celebrities.

What if your celebrity fantasies are ruining your life?

Does your fantasy of a spicy threesome with David and Victoria Beckham make your real sex life pale in comparison? With Brangelina broken up, do you dream or making either of them whole again, to the point that what happened to them is on the verge of happening to you?

Perhaps you’re more dazzled by the more flagrant allure of porn stars. Is your interest in penetrating every hole of Penthouse Pet Layla Sin or your MILF fantasy with Nina Hartley putting a damper on your desire for your real life partner? Do you want to play with Isiah Maxwell’s 11 inch joystick so bad that you can’t find joy in what you have?

Maybe politicians turn you on. Do you imagine exchanging tighty-whitey shots with Anthony Weiner? Or maybe you yearn to have your own ‘Lewinsky’ moment, but include Hillary in the party this time? Even if you want to hump Trump… no topic is off limits in the Erotic Theater of the Mind. Call us anytime at 213-291-9497.

Then again, maybe your constant fantasizing about Kim leaving Kanye to start a new family with you is ruining the family you actually have. Would you rather masturbate alone to your fantasies about your crush than share intimacy with your partner? Do you find that you can’t get aroused without focusing on your fantasy? No, it doesn’t mean you’re a “sex addict.” But you might need some experienced and understanding help with sorting things out, which we can provide here at the Block Institute.

Some other markers to help you decide if you need help are:

– if you can’t concentrate on your work because your mind is filled with your favorite celebrity

– if you shun most social contact, preferring isolation so you can be alone with your fantasy

– if you find yourself feeling very emotional about your celebrity crush, such as being jealous of their real-life partner, angry that they never respond to you on social media or depressed that they are not part of your real life

– if you are spending hours stalking your crush online or in real life, trying to physically go places where you think they will be

– if you feel guilty about your fantasies, as if you’re cheating on your actual partner

Though celebrity fantasies are usually harmless and can even be beneficial, “celebrity worship syndrome” (defined, in part, by the above markers) is an obsessive disorder in which the “worshipper” becomes perilously involved with the details of a celebrity’s personal life. Obviously stalking your favorite famous person is dangerous, criminal and could land you in jail. But the fallout from your celebrity obsession could be more subtle than that.

Whether your erotic obsession is with Bonnie Rotten or Pope Francis, if that “ideal” is keeping you from connecting with someone real, remember: The Ideal is the Enemy of the Real. And consider: you might benefit from some therapy.

If your fantasies are becoming problematic for you, your loved ones—or the celebrities themselves!—the therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute are here to help. Call us anytime at 213.291.9497.

What if your fantasies are contrary to your sexual orientation?

Does Woody Harrelson give you a woody even though you’re straight? Or maybe a certain ‘real housewife’ has you secretly questioning your relationship with your real husband. Enjoying homoerotic celebrity fantasies does not necessarily mean that you’d be interested in pursuing a same-sex relationship in real life. Then again, it just might

One reason you could have same-sex celebrity fantasies is that many cultures and social constructs consider homosexuality unacceptable, and engaging in something taboo can be exciting.  On the flip side, if you identify as gay, but fantasize about straight sex with celebrities, your natural bi-curiosity does not necessarily mean that is your “true” sexual identity. That’s one of the benefits of celebrity sex fantasies: they help you to explore your sexual fluidity with someone you feel like you know, even though you really don’t, in the Erotic Theater of the Mind.

Need to talk about it? Our therapists are available to help you explore. Call us anytime at 213-291-9497.

Fantasizing about celebrities can be a normal and beneficial sexual outlet whether you’re single or married, male or female, young or old, straight, gay, bisexual or transsexual. There are healthy ways to explore your dreams and desires, no matter how outrageous or out-of-reach they might seem in your everyday life.

The therapists of the Block Institute provide a safe, comfortable and absolutely confidential environment to experiment with your favorite celebrity fantasies any which way you like. There are healthy ways to indulge in your fantasy life without doing harm in your real life. Imagine the fun of creating a movie in your mind with you as the star and your celebrity crush as the erotic interest – and of course you get the girl (or guy)! The experienced and understanding sex therapists at the Dr. Susan Block Institute can play out your fantasies with Erotic Theater Therapy, used in combination with other more traditional forms of sex counseling, helping you to enjoy living your Hollywood sex dream in your mind and still keep your real life on track. 

Whatever your desires, questions or concerns, we’re here to help, 24 hours a day.  Call us anytime at 213-291-9497.

 

 

The Dr. Susan Block Institute Established 1991

For more information, call our recorded line.

213.291.9497

We’re available 24/7, including all holidays.

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BODY SHAME & Other Body Image Issues

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by Dr. Susan Block.

A vital part of good sex involves feeling… well, sexy.  While some of that feeling is purely mental or spiritual, a large part of it is physical. That includes feeling attracted to your partner’s body, if you have a partner. And it means feeling good about your own body, whether you have a partner or not.

Do you feel good about your body? Do you feel sexy in your skin? Or do you have “body image” issues that interfere with your ability to relax and enjoy yourself during sex?

Anxious About Your Body… or Body Parts?

“Body image issues” encompass a wide spectrum of concerns and worries that plague women, men and transgender people of all ages, creeds and colors, in every culture around the globe. For most of us, these are relatively trivial concerns, but for some, body image issues morph into body shame, weighing us down to the point that we feel that we can’t pursue or enjoy sex at all.

Do you have a body image issue? Perhaps you feel you are too heavy or too thin, too tall or too short. A woman might worry that her breasts are too small or too large, that her thighs are too wide, her butt is too narrow, her face is too old or her feet are too big, and the list goes on.

A man is more likely to be anxious about his height, and an even more common male concern is that his penis is not big enough. Freud said women had “penis envy,” but it’s more often men who are envious of other men’s members, especially when they are larger, or perceived to be larger. This is another body image issue that has a lot to do with perception. Even men with average or above-average-sized endowments may feel deep shame and a sense of humiliation over what they perceive to be sexual inadequacies.

Transgender people might fret that they can’t “pass,” that they have too much or too little body hair, that they are not feminine or masculine enough to fit the ideal that’s in their mind of the gender to which they are transitioning.

While it’s good to have ideals in life, some physical ideals can drive us crazy with debilitating anxiety, impossible goals and enervating shame. After all, the ideal is the enemy of the real, especially when it comes to sex and love.

Has someone in authority criticized your body or body parts? Have they judged you, made demeaning comments, touched or lusted after your body inappropriately or uncomfortably when you were a child? Then you’re more likely to have body image issues, especially if you’re trying to conform to unrealistic ideals.

Hollywood & Porn

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying Hollywood entertainment or pornography, and doing so doesn’t make you a “romance junkie” or “sex addict.” However, both tend to exacerbate our body image issues. Millions of women look at film stars and feel unattractive by comparison. A similar amount of men tend to compare themselves to porn stars, usually coming up short—literally—or so they feel.

Most of us harbor insecurities about how we appear to others, as well as frustration with how we look to ourselves. It’s only human to be a bit dissatisfied with your looks and physical attributes, at least sometimes. Everybody has a body, and most of us have body image issues, at least at some point in our lives.

But if your body image issues are interfering with your ability to share and enjoy the pleasures of life, especially the joys of sex, love and affection, you might benefit from getting some perspective by talking about these issues with a good therapist who understands.

The “Therapists Without Borders” of the Dr. Susan Block Institute are here to help you with your body image issues, as well as other sex and relationship concerns, anytime you need to talk 24/7. Call us at 213-291-9497.

Accept Yourself and Your Body

When your mind is tortured, or even just distracted, by your body images concerns, you are not able to enjoy your sexual experience to the fullest. Nor are you the best sex partner you can be.

Through various traditional and unorthodox programs and techniques, including bonobo liberation therapy, life coaching, erotic theater therapy, sensate focus, guided masturbation, erotic hypnosis and more, we can help you to accept your body as it is—with all its so-called “flaws”—so that you can start enjoying better sex and, in the process, become a better, more open and exciting sexual partner.

Need to talk about it now? We’re here for you 24/7. Call 213-291-9597 and we will put you through to a therapist who can help you with your body image issues and more.

Body Shame

Do you feel that your naked physical body is “dirty”? Maybe you don’t have problems with your body shape or size, but you do have issues of “body shame,” perhaps related to a strict, religious upbringing or other anti-sex, anti-body messages from childhood.

Sexual assault, whether in childhood or adulthood, can also tremendously affect our comfort with our bodies. It’s hard to feel good about your body when that same body has been used and abused by others, even if that abuse was in the distant past.

Sex-negativity and poor body image issues are completely understandable in a sex abuse or trauma survivor. Just knowing that, however, doesn’t make these issues much easier to handle, especially if and when they *ruin* an otherwise positive erotic experience. However, identifying your personal, problematic body image issues is the first step towards healing and empowering your sexual self.

Need to talk about it? Whether you are a survivor of religious, familial or any other kind of sexual abuse, if you want to develop a positive body image and the happy, healthy sex life you deserve, we can help. The caring, knowledgeable therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute can guide you toward enjoying a healthier relationship with your body.   And you can call us anytime, 24 hours a day, at 213-291-9497.

What About Changing Your Body for the Better?

Most body image issues are “in your head.” But if you’re truly obese, anorexic, bulimic or dangerously out of shape, perhaps you should make some changes. None of this means you should put your sex life on hold; on the contrary! Exploring your sexuality at a pace that’s right for you can help you to lose or gain weight and get healthier and fit.

Whether your change “for the better” requires moral support during your transgender process, or getting fit and healthy, our therapists are ready to assist you in making your transition to the body you desire, as well as expressing and exploring your sexuality to the fullest in the body you are in right now.

If discussing these topics is difficult for you, rest assured that you are in good hands. Our therapists are here for you, whether or not your body shame is just “in your head.” We will help you to have the best, most fulfilling sex and love life that you can have, enjoying your body, yourself and your life.

Let’s talk about it. Call us anytime at 213.2991.9497.

The Dr. Susan Block Institute Established 1991

For more information, call our recorded line.

213.291.9497

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8 Great Benefits of Masturbation

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by Dr. Susan Block

It’s Masturbation Month, a time to honor and extol the virtues of sex-for-one. Virtues? For centuries, masturbation has been denigrated as self-abuse. However, more and more, we are calling it what it is: self-pleasure. It feels good. And it is good. But what is it good for? A lot more than you can stuff in a hand basket. But the following are 8 great basic benefits to masturbation, wanking, jacking off, jilling off, walking the dog, polishing the pearl, spanking the monkey, dancing around the Maypole, sexual solitaire, self-pleasure or, as Doonesbury calls it, ”self-dating,” starting with the fact that….

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  1. Masturbation is Natural.

Bonobos do it.  So do dolphins, horses, dogs, kangaroos, porcupines and most other animals, including humans. Ultrasounds show us that many fetuses-in-utero put their tiny hands between their little legs… and masturbate.

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  1. Masturbation is Convenient.

As Truman Capote once wisely pointed out, “You don’t have to dress up for it.” Come as you are. The Greek philosopher Diogenes praised the extraordinary physical efficiency of masturbation: “Would to heaven that it were enough to rub one’s stomach in order to allay one’s hunger.” The folks who brought the world democracy understood the powerful, positive benefits of solo sex. So did their gods. Maybe we should too.

 

Discussing the benefits of self-pleasure while riding a Sybian. Photo: Ono Bo

Teaching the benefits of self-pleasure while riding a Sybian on The Dr. Susan Block Show. Photo: Ono Bo

 

 

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  1. Masturbation is Ecosexual.

Though masturbation has been called “self-pollution,” it actually produces very little real pollution (unless you toss your tissues out the car window). Regardless, masturbation is a great form of population control. You won’t get pregnant from it. Do it in the great outdoors (but not in a park where you’ll get arrested), and feel at-one-with-nature. Love the Earth You Make Love On. Just watch out for the poison oak. Also, some fruits and vegetables seem shaped for masturbation. Try a nice cucumber or turnip—Nature’s Own Dildos!

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  1. Masturbation is Safe.

As long as you’re not playing auto-asphyxiation games or sticking lightbulbs up your rectum, you won’t get hurt. As long as you’re just using your own toys or putting condoms on the ones you share, you won’t get an STD. Even more important, you won’t hurt other people. Just in case you’re clueless about consent, masturbation keeps you from raping anyone. If you have problematic sexual desires, if you want to do illegal, immoral, nonconsensual things to people, just don’t do them! Masturbate.

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  1. Masturbation is Relaxing.

Partner sex is more romantic, but it can be stressful in ways that masturbation is not. Director Milos Foreman said, “What I like about masturbation: You don’t have to talk afterwards.” No pressure. Just pleasure. Much like partner sex, orgasms through masturbation can relax you deeply, release your stress and help you to get the deep rest that your body needs.

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  1. Masturbation is Educational.

When it comes to learning your own turn-ons physically and mentally, you can’t beat masturbation education. You can use your self-pleasure time to practice your kegels, tantric breathing or the stop-start technique. You can test new sex toys more easily when solo-sexing than when you’re with a partner. But mutual masturbation is also educational: show and tell your partner what you like. Talk about home schooling! You won’t want to play hooky from this.

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  1. Masturbation is Healthy.

Masturbation, especially when climaxing with a good heart-pumping orgasm, is a great cardio workout, good for your heart rate, blood pressure and brain chemistry. It also protects against yeast infections in women and prostate cancer in men, not to mention, masturbation releases mood-boosting endorphins, and it can clear your sinuses, at least temporarily. It also keeps you in shape for partner sex. “Use it or lose it!” they say, and masturbation uses it. Self-pleasure is healing in a million different ways, physical and mental. Heal your sexual shame through self-pleasure! Most importantly, masturbation will not kill you. Auto-asphyxiation notwithstanding, nobody dies from masturbation.

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  1. Masturbate: Know Thy Sexual Self!

Nobody talks about it, but the longest term relationship you’ll ever have with anyone is the one you have with yourself. So why not make it a good one? Masturbation enables you get to “Know Thyself” (with a hat tip to Socrates), sexually speaking. So, get into it, and get to know you. Treat yourself. Just for a few moments, focus on your pleasure without worrying about anyone else but you. Turn self-pleasure into self-love. And no, that doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you feel good. And when you feel good, you’re more likely to be good to others.

Merry Masturbation Month from Bonoboville. Photo: Jux Lii

Merry Masturbation Month from Bonoboville. Photo: Jux Lii

So go ahead and spank that monkey shamelessly, at least through Masturbation Month. Make love to someone you love… even if that someone is you.

And if you need a hand—a friendly, supportive, knowledgeable, sex-educational guide into your self-pleasure exploration or celebration—the sex Therapists Without Borders of the Block Institute are just a phone call away. Call 213-291-9497

© May 1, 2016. Susan Block, Ph.D., a.k.a. “Dr. Suzy,” is a world renowned LA sex therapist, author of The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace through Pleasure and horny housewife, occasionally seen on HBO and other channels. For speaking engagements, call 626-461-5950.

The Dr. Susan Block Institute Established 1991

For more information, call our recorded line.

213.291.9497

We’re available 24/7, including all holidays.

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Bondage Phone Sex Therapy

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by Susan M. Block, Ph.D.

Freedom is the greatest aphrodisiac, but restraint is a close second.

Do you like to be tied up by a Dominant Mistress or Master? Do you enjoy erotic bondage, handcuffs, shackles, ropes, collars, straightjackets, spreader bars, harnesses or four of “Christian’s” grey silk ties fastened securely around your wrists and ankles? How about being blindfolded, hooded, muzzled, dominated, restrained by a ball gag, locked up in a chastity belt, strapped down to a medical examination table, put into a posture collar, led around on a leash, shut up in a cage, zipped into a sleep sack, suspended from the ceiling, put into a sling, turned into a piece of human art with beautiful Japanese Shibari rope work, tied spread-eagle to a four-poster bed or latched onto a St. Andrews’s Cross while being spanked or flogged?  Do you get aroused by bondage—in fantasy or reality… or perhaps a bit of both?

Sexy consensual bondage games are not unusual. People have been incorporating erotic restraint into sexual play since before there were people! Non-human animals, like bonobos, indulge in consensual erotic bondage games when they playfully hold each other down during sex, a fairly frequent occurrence. We know it’s “consensual” since sometimes it’s the smaller bonobo “holding down” the bigger, stronger bonobo. Humans practice consensual bondage play even more, partly because our great ingenuity has enabled us to create so many elaborate and effective bondage devices.

Though many erotica and bondage experts don’t appreciate the superficial and sometimes wrongheaded style of 50 Shades of Grey, the huge worldwide popularity of the 50 Shades books and films, has given bondage a new level of acceptance and respectability, both in mainstream society and in the media.

Nevertheless, bondage or “BDSM” (Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & submission and Sadomasochism) is still controversial and quite taboo in most human communities, making it a very difficult world to navigate or even talk about for many people.

Whatever your bondage fantasy or reality, the world-famous telephone sex therapists at the Dr. Susan Block Institute, including several BDSM specialists and experienced FemDoms, Dominant males and submissives, are just a phone call away. Anytime you need to talk, 24 hours a day, we’re here for you. Call us now at 213.291.9497.

Institute Director Dr. Susan Block.

Institute Director Dr. Susan Block.

Exploring fantasies is a great way to start your BDSM adventures. The safe, consensual exploration of domination fantasies can be a fantastic, peaceful channel for some people’s violent impulses, preventing them from actually hurting anyone, including themselves. It can involve sexual psychodrama, safely releasing aggressive forces that lurk deep in our subconscious where they can be more destructive. BDSM can even help to reduce domestic violence. If it can help keep bonobos from killing each other, maybe it can even help humans to create peace on Earth.

While “surrender” means defeat in war or business, in LOVE or sex, surrender can be sweet, and the ultimate expression of intimate fulfillment. Since society puts such pressure on all of us–male and female–to be powerful, to achieve and to succeed, deep in our erotic imaginations, many of us may long to surrender.

In bondage (even consensual bondage), the submissive is “forced” to surrender.

This creates some very interesting sexual dynamics. The ancient Taoist masters say, “In yielding, there is strength.” In surrender, there can be power. Many strong men fantasize about surrender, about being a sex object–being seduced, spanked, pegged, ravished, even raped–“forced” to perform various sexual acts, often while in some sort of restraint.

Considering how many ladies balk at being considered sex objects (though many enjoy it too), this may sound silly to some women, but lots of men crave it, within certain boundaries, of course. Some men find that being dominated, especially when tied up, actually removes performance anxiety. After all, if you can’t move, you can’t perform, so what’s there to be anxious about?

Some guys love to struggle against their restraints, building a rush of adrenaline, then surrendering to ecstasy. It’s a form of athletic eroticism that many great athletes adore. After a big win on the football field or basketball court, they relax by “losing” to a sexy Mistress or Master who puts them in bondage and dominates them into blissfulness.

Of course, many women (and men) are frightened by a man’s submissive desires. They are afraid that because he craves surrender, he is not much of a man. They think he must be some kind of wimp or weirdo, which is one reason that many men find it difficult, if not impossible to talk about their desires for bondage or submission with the women they love.

In reality, it’s mostly high-powered men who yearn to surrender sexually.  Perhaps this is because nature seeks a balance, but many successful businessmen, weary of their responsibilities and stresses, long to be infantilized, objectified, taken advantage of, to surrender control for a brief period in their day or heavy work week, a vacation from responsibility, a chance to be a little boy again, or maybe a girl.

Many submissives just want someone sexy to push them into doing things they’re afraid to do on their own. Some find that fear increases arousal. A little fear enhances sex like a little seasoning spices your meal, but remember… too much spice spoils the meat.

Some men long to surrender to an exciting woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to ask for it–or even demand it–from them. Many enjoy anal penetration, the body’s ultimate surrender, often combined with a form of bondage. Some respond to humiliation fantasies, being “forced” to do embarrassing things, to atone for their “sin” of arousal.

Some like to be spanked. Sometimes, though not always, this is because they were spanked as children. Partly because our society is so negative about sex, many people—men and women–fantasize about being punished, or forced against their will to have sex, often involving some kind of bondage. That way, they don’t feel so responsible and can just relax and enjoy the sensations. Now, of course, just because someone has a rape fantasy does not mean they really want to be raped. Nobody really wants to be raped. But lots of people fantasize about it. And consensual bondage provides a plausible, relatively safe “setting” for such a fantasy.

A word to the wise: Learn what you’re doing before you do too much! Read books on the subject of your interest, take a class and/or study under a knowledgeable Master or Mistress.

BDSM, like mountain climbing, skydiving and driving a car, can be dangerous if not done properly. Be careful about what you do and with whom you do it.

What if your desires are more dominant? As long as your real-life activity is “safe, sane and consensual,” there’s nothing wrong with expressing your Dominant desires. But the requirement to learn what you’re doing–whether you’re putting your slave in bondage or getting her or him out of it very quickly in an emergency–is even more important when you want to dominate.Keep in mind that it may seem like the dominant partner is in control, but it should be that the submissive’s threshold of pain that is the determining factor.

In fantasy, where we use our brains and words to live out these desires in the erotic theater of the mind, these safety rules do not apply; the sky’s the limit, and you don’t even have to know how to tie a knot.

Then again, there are also different types of “emotional bondage” or “mind control,” sometimes involving erotic hypnosis, which can be just as restraining in fantasy as reality.

It can be very confusing… and arousing! So if you need to talk about it privately, whatever your bondage fantasy or reality might be, the world-famous telephone sex therapists at the Dr. Susan Block Institute, including several BDSM specialists, experienced Dominants and submissives, are just a phone call away. Anytime you need to talk or webcam, 24 hours a day, we’re here for you, and you can call us at 213.291.9497.

The Dr. Susan Block Institute Established 1991

For more information, call our recorded line.

213.291.9497

We’re available 24/7, including all holidays.

Sign Up For Therapy

Terapia Sexual Telefónica

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¿Necesitas hablar con alguien? Llámenos ahora al 626.461.5950

Estamos aquí para escucharte…

¿Tienes alguna pregunta sobre el sexo? ¿Alguna fantasía que le gustaría explorar? ¿Algun fetiche que no puede entender? ¿Un deseo que desea liberar? ¿Necesitas hablar con alguien acerca de algo que no puedes hablar con nadie mas? Usted puede hablar con nosotros. Cada vez que usted necesite hablar durante las 24 horas del día, nuestros famosos sexólogos telefónicas del Instituto de Dr. Susan Block de las Artes y las Ciencias eróticos, estan a sólo una llamada telefónica de larga distancia, y nos puede llamar al 626.461.5950

Aquí en el Instituto de Dr. Susan Block, ofrecemos diferentes formas de terapia sexual a medida adaptadas, a las necesidades personales de nuestros clientes, incluyendo nuestro mundialmente reconocido servicio de terapia sexual telefónicas las 24 horas del día.

Reconocemos que la mayoría de las personas no desean o no necesitan entrar en nuestras oficinas de Los Angeles para la asesoría individual o para las sesiones de terapia, ni estamos siempre disponibles para propuestas de citas presenciales. Pero usted nos puede llamar en cualquier momento y desde cualquier lugar, solamente cuando llame directamente a: (626) 461-5950.

Desde la discusión de la sexualidad, cuestiones eróticas, los placeres, los problemas, las fantasías y los fetiches, son asuntos muy privados. Nuestros servicios telefonicas son las más populares, y en la mayoría de los casos, la más efectiva de terapia sexual. Por otra parte, mientras que las sesiones en persona están disponibles sólo con cita previa y en nombramientos de persona, deben hacerse por lo menos una semana de adelanto, nuestro servicio de terapia sexual telefónica está de guardia las 24 horas del día, siete días a la semana, incluso festivos. Cada vez que necesite que hablar, nuestros terapeutas sexuales telefónicas estan disponibles. Y no, no existe alguna otra terapia teléfonica o terapia de sexo como el de nosotros.

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Totalmente privada, absolutamente confidencial, los escuchamos, y los exploramos con usted; le guíamos, le recomendamos, lo inspiramos, y lo educamos, Juego de roles para usted, fantaseamos con usted (ninguna fantasía es demasiado tabú), y ayudarle con cualquier cosa, desde la impotencia a la exhibicionismo, la adicción al sexo a satisfacción orgásmica, las cuestiones de transgénero a problemas de pareja, la ejaculación masculina o femenina a problemas de intimidad, el intercambio de energía con el travestismo, “fantasías sexuales” a realidades difíciles, chat adulto de profundo amor, monogamia con la pornografía, política sexuales a educaciones religiosas, “hablar sucio” al romance audio, su pasado sexual de su futuro erótico, gay, heterosexual, bisexual, los temores a los deseos, fetiches a los matrimonios. El cielo es sin límite, pero estamos con los pies en la tierra como ustedes.

Si usted necesita hacer una pregunta, tiene alguna fantasía, quiere obtener ayuda con un problema, explorar algun fetiche, o simplemente hablar con alguien acerca de algo que no puede hablar con nadie mas, usted puede hablar con nosotros ahora.

Usted no está solo. Estamos aquí para ayudarle.

Llámenos ahora al 626.461.5950.

The Dr. Susan Block Institute Established 1991

For more information, call our recorded line.

213.291.9497

We’re available 24/7, including all holidays.

Sign Up For Therapy

Breast Fetish Therapy

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Call 213.291.9497

What is it about a pair of beautiful breasts that makes most men and a lot of women go gaga with desire?

Many an otherwise reasonable gentleman’s life virtually revolves around his pursuit of the perfect breasts (big or small, but usually big)…the supreme bazoombahs!  Gazangas!  Tatas!  Mammas!  The typical “breast man” will probably snort with denial if anyone suggests that his intense interest in a lady’s ample mammaries have anything to do with his desire to suckle up to Mama, but what does he know?  After all, the glorification of the female breast as a sex symbol, as opposed to a maternal image, is so pervasive in the West, especially in America, most of us forget that boobs are not genitalia.

Indeed, the most acceptable all-American fetish is the one so many good old boys have for ladies’ chests.  Though for some men, the adoration of the feminine bust is nothing less than the Holy Grail, it is, of course, a fetish, along the same lines as a foot or bun fetish, since the female rack is no more involved with sexual reproduction than the feet or buns.  Breasts are far more essential to nurturing than to sexual intercourse. And therein lays the infantile origin of the breast fetish.  That deep need we all have for deep nurturance.  Sustenance.  Comfort.  Food.  The breast is food, after all.  It is that unique part of a lady’s body that actually creates food—the ultimate comfort food—the milk of life and love…and fetishes.  Mmmmm….No wonder nipples are so suckable, even for grown-ups with no serious “Mommy issues”!

So what do you like about breasts (everything)?  Hard nipples? Mesmerizing areolas? Do you prefer a nice, soft, squeezable, all-natural bosom?  Or do you go for surgically enhanced “porn star boobs”?  Do you like them small, medium or large? How about XXXtra large?  Are you more turned on by bare breasts, or boobies in bras? Or do you just love the slow sensuous reveal, the tease of the striptease?  How about devastating cleavage? Pierced nipples? Lactating moo-moos? Wet T-shirt? Tied up torpedoes? Bouncing bazooms? Teenage Lewinskies or a mature MiLF’s mamaloogas? Girlfriend goombas? Do you like perky titties that seem to reach for the sky or flapdoodle boobies that swing back and forth like baby seals at play?

When you encounter a “nice pair,” what do you like to do with them?  Cuddle, suckle, tweak or kiss? Do you long to rest your weary head against a sumptuous dairy pillow?  Would you rather worship a set of sexy  breasts or slap them (consensually, of course)?  Do you enjoy intermammary intercourse, or as the Latins call it, coitus a mammalia, the act of ejaculating between the boobs?  The lady generally leans backward as the gentleman places his penis between her jugs and thrusts, the lady controlling the pressure by pushing her soft mounds together, squeezing his shaft until he gives her a  “pearl necklace.”  Or do you just like to watch a busty lady show off her assets?

One of the most famous American breast fetishists was the notably eccentric, hugely wealthy Howard Hughes. Hughes was an only child and very attached to his doting mama Allene who died when he was sixteen (fertile ground for mother issues and a breast fetish).  Hughes used his extensive power and money to seduce hundreds of big-busted showgirls and movie stars, including the famously voluptuous Jane Russell (pictured above in Outlaw), in his passionate search for the perfect pillowy bosom against which to rest his weary, mother-issue-ridden head.  After viewing rushes of Russell in Macao, Hughes wrote a three-page memo detailing what kind of bra she should wear to enhance her sumptuous bazooms.

Send us a memo on the perfect pair for you, and give us a call anytime for webcam, sext or phone sex therapy.  Whether you need help with a serious sexual problem or you’d just like to roleplay a fantasy, we’re here for you, anytime you need to talk (or webcam) 24/7.  Whatever your pleasure or concern, if you need to talk about it, you can call the breast fetish specialist  sex therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute at 213.291.9497.

The Dr. Susan Block Institute Established 1991

For more information, call our recorded line.

213.291.9497

We’re available 24/7, including all holidays.

Sign Up For Therapy

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1.866.207.7521

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