This Saturday, December 21st, The Dr. Susan Block Show, broadcasting live from RadioSUZY1 studios in Bonoboville at LAX and hosted by international sexologist Dr. Susan Block, will celebrate the Winter Solstice with an angel: female-empowerment-oriented pole-dancing instructor J Katface.

Ms. Katface will discuss the fine art of poledancing in the Solstice spirit and demonstrate her talents on RadioSUZY1's famed in-studio stripper pole--and possibly at the top of our Winter Solstice tree.

Yes, Xmas wasn't the first celebration of a December miracle. Winter Solstice or "Sun Birthday" was—and is—when the sun, after being at its lowest, is "born again," as the days begin to get longer. Sex is a vital part of any Winter Solstice celebration worth its egg nog. To our prehistoric human ancestors, Winter Solstice sex was more than just a personal pleasure or a cool way to keep warm. It was an ecstatic communal coming together, celebrating the erotic fecundity of life in the dead of winter and bringing red-hot "joy to the world" in a season of cold, dark blues.

To honor the icy season, our polytheistic forbearers would feast and fornicate for days of nonstop bacchanalian orgies that would make Jenna Jameson pee in her g-string. Over 2000 years before Christianity, Mesopotamia’s Winter Carnaval was a kind of "SeXmas," featuring mummers-style parades with floats carrying scenes of sex among the gods. The Greek Winter Festival honored another populist Son of God with a human mother, who worked miracles, brought forth wine, and was resurrected after death; His name was Dionysus. The Roman Saturnalia, presided over by Old Father Time (a kind of kinky Santa Claus, chortling "Io, io, io!' which was essentially pronounced "Ho, ho, ho!"), included the first Xmas Carols which were truly X-rated, as the carolers (the hoes?) would sing in the nude.

But even the hottest Winter Solstice sex isn't enough to ward off all the cold, dark death that winter brings. And we are sad to report the death of our old friend, maverick Screw Magazine publisher, Free Speech fighter and lover of brunch, Al Goldstein (January 10, 1936-December 19, 2013). We'll also say a few words about our old pal Al on this Saturday's Winter Solstice show.

The Dr. Susan Block Show is produced by The Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences, an international center for sexual expression, therapy and education, based in LA. Founded in 1991 by Susan M. Block, PhD, world-renowned Yale-educated sexologist, best-selling author and host of HBO specials, the Institute’s mission is to help individuals, couples and communities enhance their sexuality and improve their lives based upon Dr. Block’s philosophy of Ethical Hedonism and The Bonobo Way of Peace through Pleasure. A portion of all proceeds goes to help save the highly endangered “make love not war” bonobos from extinction in the Congo and to promote the Bonobo Way of Peace through Pleasure around the world.

The Dr. Susan Block Show returns to the airwaves this Saturday, October 5^th with international sexologist Dr. Susan Block’s first official live broadcast from her brand new studio in Bonoboville at LAX, featuring an exclusive live interview with living legendary burlesque queen and erotic entertainment sensation Tempest Storm.

Famous for her outsized personality and all-natural 44DD-25-35 measurements in the pre-silicone 1950s, Tempest Storm has had the longest career of any burlesque star, spanning over 60 years (so far).

The ultra-buxom redhead starred in Teaserama with Bettie Page (whom Dr. Block interviewed in 1996) and Russ Meyer’s Striptease Girl. She was Elvis’ girlfriend, JFK’s mistress and pals with Marilyn Monroe.

Tempest was and is loved by millions, but her shameless sexuality was as red a flag as her hair to the hypocrites. She suffered rape and abuse in her youth and, at the height of her career, she was blackballed by Hollywood when she married African-American entertainer Herb Jeffries. Through it all, she kept on stripteasing and enjoying her adventurous, trailblazing life, and now she’s ready to tell her story.

This Saturday night’s live appearance on The Dr. Susan Block Show is part of “kickstarting” her exciting new feature documentary, directed by Nimisha Mukerji and producer Kaitlyn Regehr, Tempest Storm: Burlesque Queen.

On this Saturday’s special broadcast, Dr. Block will also say a few words in defense of Miley Cyrus and in opposition to the tsunami of exploitative international slut-shaming that has raged against this new twerkalicious erotic entertainment sensation.

The “Tempest Storm Interview & Miley Cyrus Defense” will air live October 5^th, 2013, 10:30pm-Midnight PST on The Dr. Susan Block Show. Listen FREE on your computer here or your phone at http://m.drsuzy.tv.  Call-In: 1.866.289.7068 or 626.461.5950.

Watch the Live Show at DrSusanBlock.Tv (Now just $7.95/month!).

The Dr. Susan Block Show is produced by The Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences, an international center for sexual expression, therapy and education, based in LA.  Founded in 1991 by Susan M. Block, PhD, world-renowned Yale-educated sexologist, best-selling author and host of HBO specials, the Institute’s mission is to help individuals, couples and communities enhance their sexuality and improve their lives based upon Dr. Block’s philosophy of Ethical Hedonism and The Bonobo Way of Peace through Pleasure. A portion of all proceeds goes to help save the highly endangered “make love not war” bonobos from extinction in the Congo and to promote the Bonobo Way of Peace through Pleasure around the world.

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What is it about a pair of beautiful breasts that makes most men and a lot of women go gaga with desire?

Many an otherwise reasonable gentleman's life virtually revolves around his pursuit of the perfect breasts (big or small, but usually big)…the supreme bazoombahs!  Gazangas!  Tatas!  Mammas!  The typical “breast man” will probably snort with denial if anyone suggests that his intense interest in a lady’s ample mammaries have anything to do with his desire to suckle up to Mama, but what does he know?  After all, the glorification of the female breast as a sex symbol, as opposed to a maternal image, is so pervasive in the West, especially in America, most of us forget that boobs are not genitalia.

Indeed, the most acceptable all-American fetish is the one so many good old boys have for ladies’ chests.  Though for some men, the adoration of the feminine bust is nothing less than the Holy Grail, it is, of course, a fetish, along the same lines as a foot or bun fetish, since the female rack is no more involved with sexual reproduction than the feet or buns.  Breasts are far more essential to nurturing than to sexual intercourse. And therein lays the infantile origin of the breast fetish.  That deep need we all have for deep nurturance.  Sustenance.  Comfort.  Food.  The breast is food, after all.  It is that unique part of a lady’s body that actually creates food—the ultimate comfort food—the milk of life and love…and fetishes.  Mmmmm….No wonder nipples are so suckable, even for grown-ups with no serious “Mommy issues”!

So what do you like about breasts (everything)?  Hard nipples? Mesmerizing areolas? Do you prefer a nice, soft, squeezable, all-natural bosom?  Or do you go for surgically enhanced “porn star boobs”?  Do you like them small, medium or large? How about XXXtra large?  Are you more turned on by bare breasts, or boobies in bras? Or do you just love the slow sensuous reveal, the tease of the striptease?  How about devastating cleavage? Pierced nipples? Lactating moo-moos? Wet T-shirt? Tied up torpedoes? Bouncing bazooms? Teenage Lewinskies or a mature MiLF’s mamaloogas? Girlfriend goombas? Do you like perky titties that seem to reach for the sky or flapdoodle boobies that swing back and forth like baby seals at play?

When you encounter a “nice pair,” what do you like to do with them?  Cuddle, suckle, tweak or kiss? Do you long to rest your weary head against a sumptuous dairy pillow?  Would you rather worship a set of sexy  breasts or slap them (consensually, of course)?  Do you enjoy intermammary intercourse, or as the Latins call it, coitus a mammalia, the act of ejaculating between the boobs?  The lady generally leans backward as the gentleman places his penis between her jugs and thrusts, the lady controlling the pressure by pushing her soft mounds together, squeezing his shaft until he gives her a  "pearl necklace."  Or do you just like to watch a busty lady show off her assets?

One of the most famous American breast fetishists was the notably eccentric, hugely wealthy Howard Hughes. Hughes was an only child and very attached to his doting mama Allene who died when he was sixteen (fertile ground for mother issues and a breast fetish).  Hughes used his extensive power and money to seduce hundreds of big-busted showgirls and movie stars, including the famously voluptuous Jane Russell (pictured above in Outlaw), in his passionate search for the perfect pillowy bosom against which to rest his weary, mother-issue-ridden head.  After viewing rushes of Russell in Macao, Hughes wrote a three-page memo detailing what kind of bra she should wear to enhance her sumptuous bazooms.

Send us a memo on the perfect pair for you, and give us a call anytime for webcam, sext or phone sex therapy.  Whether you need help with a serious sexual problem or you’d just like to roleplay a fantasy, we’re here for you, anytime you need to talk (or webcam) 24/7.  Whatever your pleasure or concern, if you need to talk about it, you can call the breast fetish specialist  sex therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute at [callus].

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Show off!

So what if you are? We all go through life performing. Being the center of attention, erotic or otherwise, can boost your ego. On the other hand, it can also be embarrassing. It is always, at its essence, revealing.

Some people spend their careers in the spotlight, like athletes, comedians, actors... and that special class of actors... no, not reality TV stars—porn stars—the most uninhibited exhibitionists of all. They know full well the erotic charge of exposing their bodies, alone or in explicit performance with someone else, for an appreciative audience.

But what about you?  Do you ever feel like you want to be a star, sexually speaking? Do you like to show off? To show it off?  What does it mean to be seen? 

To be seen is to be immortal, if only for a moment, through the eyes of another.  Triumphant. Shining like a star.  Recognized. Celebrated. For that moment, you rule the world.

Or maybe you’re a more mischievous exhibitionist. Do you like to play? Shake your booty? Strike a sultry pose for the camera? Strut your stuff through cyberspace? Undress in front of your window with the curtains open?  Get "caught in the act" of doing something naughty?

Do you fantasize that people are watching you, whether you're by yourself or with someone else, engaging in the most intimate and erotic of human activities? How about exposing yourself to a stranger?  How about millions of strangers clicking their mice in rhythm to your thunderous orgasm?  Marilyn Monroe fantasized about being nude on the pulpit of her Church worshiped by the congregation.  So, what about you?  Are you Marilyn? 

If so, there are places for you to take it off for an appreciative audience.  Maybe not too many churches, but there are lots of strip clubs, swing parties, The Dr. Susan Block Show, festivals, parades, nudist beaches and many other venues and events centered around the promotion and consensual enjoyment of public exhibitionism.  Here is where your exhibitionism, as long as you are reasonably attractive, will be welcome and applauded.

But what if you’re not exactly Marilyn?  What if you’re not so attractive, at least not in the conventional sense, but you still yearn to show off like a shining star?  What should you do?  And what if your preferred form of exhibitionism involves exposing yourself where you’re not necessarily so “welcome,” where exposure is taboo?  What if you’re excited by the possibility of getting caught with your proverbial pants down? What if you’re a “naughty exhibitionist”?

Well….are you a naughty exhibitionist?  Have you ever masturbated with your door unlocked, knowing that at any moment your roommate, your sister, the babysitter, your neighbor, your wife’s best friend, the maid, your executive assistant, your mother-in-law or even your mom, could walk in and find you jerking away? How shocked would she be? Can you imagine the look on her face?  Maybe she'd like it... maybe it would even turn her on, and then maybe it would turn into the most amazing sex you’ve ever had.  Then again, maybe she’d be upset and punish, dominate or humiliate you in a really hot way, spank you or maybe crossdress you or take a photo of you and post it online.  Then again, maybe not… In fantasy, it might always be exciting, but in real life, it can turn into a real mess…

Not that there’s anything really wrong or unethical about public exposure or masturbation, at least not in our opinion, as long as only consenting adults are involved.  It might be annoying, but it doesn’t really hurt others, like stealing, assault, or other violent crimes do. But most societies consider “public indecency” a crime by law and, if you do get caught showing off in the real world, you know it wouldn't be anywhere near as fun as the fantasy. Court time, court costs, jail time, public ridicule (which is very different and a lot more problematic than a "public disgrace" or humiliation fantasy) or, possibly the loss of your job, or family. Not very arousing or appealing, is it?

When politicians show off their exhibitionism, publicly or privately, they risk "public disgrace" in various forms.  One of the most dramatic stories of political erotic exhibitionism is right in the Bible. In 2 Samuel 6:12-22, after King David captures Jerusalem, he dances in front of the Ark, wearing nothing but a loincloth (the Biblical version of a thong). Though David pleases the crowd with his exhibitionist antics and gifts of cake and dates, his wife Michal sneers at him like he's no better than a Peeping Tom. “How the King of Israel has distinguished himself today, going around half-naked in full view of the slave girls of his servants as any vulgar fellow would!”

David doesn't care. He is the King, after all. The exhibitionist revelations of modern leaders—from Weiner to Trump—are a lot more complex.

So this simple desire to be seen is not always so simple to fulfill.  Do you know what we mean?  Do you enjoy exhibitionism?  Do you need to talk about it? Whether you need serious therapy to help you control your desire to expose yourself nonconsensually, a fun fantasy to help you explore the pleasures of exhibitionism, or if there's something else you need to talk about, the world-renowned webcam and telephone sex therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute are just a phone call away.  You can talk to Dr. Block herself or to one of our other therapists, each excellent in her or his specialty.  You can also arrange for an in-person appointment at our offices in Los Angeles, and our webcam, sext and phone sex therapy services are open anytime 24/7.  Call us from anywhere in the world at [callus]. 

And yes, you can masturbate, if you want, during sessions.  And no, there is no other sex therapy or phone sex service quite like ours.  Our form of sex therapy is unique in that we can discuss and help you with your real-life situations, and/or we can enter the Erotic Theater of the Mind (your mind or ours, or a combination) and roleplay your exhibitionistic fantasies—even the forbidden kind that would get you into serious trouble if acted out in real life.  In fact, one of our specialties is "the forbidden," the stuff you can’t talk about to anyone else.  After all, pretty much everything is safe on the phone—where you can close your eyes and fantasize the wildest scenes possible through the hidden camera of your imagination. Moreover, your secrets are safe with us.  Therapy with the Institute is completely private, discreet and confidential.  Of course, we can’t tell you their names, but we count many celebrities and world leaders among our clients, so we understand the importance of strict confidentiality.  We have been around and we intend to stay around, and we value your privacy as we value our reputation.

Exhibitionist phone sex therapy is fun, satisfying, edifying, defuses problematic desires (so you’re less likely to get into trouble) and often leads to great insights into your sexuality and other aspects of your deeper self.  We’ve found the phone—private, intimate and essentially non-visual—to be an excellent vehicle for this kind of erotic insight.  Then again, exhibitionism is primarily a visual interest, and you can also enjoy a very personal exhibitionistic experience tailored to your desires with one of our webcam sex therapists.

Whatever your exhibitionistic pleasure or problem, we’re here for you, 24/7, every day and night, including holidays, whether you need to talk…or be watched.  Give us a call anytime at [callus].

"This Saturday's 4/20 Show is for Sexpots Who Smoke Pot & Folks Who Poke the P-spot!" says Dr. Block

This Saturday, April 20^th 2013, The Dr. Susan Block Show will celebrate the 4/20 holiday with plenty of greenery, as well as explore the joys and health benefits of prostate, aka “P-Spot,” play and other erotic pleasures.

Joining international sexologist Dr. Susan Block in her Bonoboville broadcast studios will be Charlie Glickman, PhD., author of The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: Erotic Exploration for Men and Their Partners, as well as Block Institute therapists Aaliyah and Nick Morningwood who will demonstrate P-spot play.

Also joining Dr. Block in-studio will be members of the Kush Collective  in LA to honor the 4/20 holiday, Kink model Odile, 420 Stoner Chick Hazel Kush, Fawnia the Naughty Realtor and we will celebrate the 40^th birthday of DrSuzy.tv photographer JuxLii.

Sex POT & The P-Spot will air live April 20^th 2013, 10:30pm-Midnight PST on The Dr. Susan Block Show.

 Listen FREE at http://tinyurl.com/RadioSex.  Call-In Free: 1.866.289.7068

This special edition of The Dr. Susan Block Show will feature Dr. Suzy’s Bonoboville Jello Shots by Jello Shots LA among the many fine libations and gourmet hors d’oeuvres featured at the always-popular Speakeasy Open Bar and Aphrodisiac Buffet.  Sex toys provided by Sybian, CalExotics, ScreamingO, Divine Interventions, Stockroom, JuxLeather, Pipedream Products and Condomania condoms. Proceeds from donations go to help save the highly endangered “make love not war” bonobos from extinction in the Congo and to promote the Bonobo Way of Peace through Pleasure around the world.

The Dr. Susan Block Show is produced by The Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences, an international center for sexual expression, therapy and education, based in LA.  Founded in 1991 by Susan M. Block, PhD, world-renowned Yale-educated sexologist, best-selling author and host of HBO specials, the Institute’s mission is to help individuals, couples and communities enhance their sexuality and improve their lives based upon Dr. Block’s philosophy of Ethical Hedonism and The Bonobo Way of Peace through Pleasure

Call [callus]

"All the world's a stage" (Shakespeare's As You Like It), on which some of us love to play, and some of us prefer to watch. The players tend to get the glory, but without an audience there's not much of a show.

Let's face it: lots of us like to watch. We're not talking Shakespeare here, though that can be erotic as well... we're talking about sex. We're talking about the thrill of watching another's most intimate activities, getting turned on by seeing someone else get turned on.

Would you say this is you? If so, you might be a voyeur. Everyone's a little bit of one, at least. We can all get turned on by the sight of something or someone really sexy.  But some of us are more voyeuristic than others.  Some of us like to cultivate our voyeuristic tendencies like wine connoisseurs cultivate their palettes, tasting different vintages.  Perhaps you like to look through the silver screen into erotic worlds you’ve never seen. Maybe it's a film or a digital stream on your computer or phone. Porn, after all, is the most common kind of erotic voyeurism going on in the modern world. And despite its popular explosion in the early 21st Century, visual erotica has been with us since humanity first started cave painting.

Then again, maybe you like to see it live, perhaps in a strip club, or fantasize about the quintessential live sex performance, with you sitting back like a sultan with your harem of exhibitionistic sex performance artists titillating your fancy in every way imaginable to delight your eyes and ears.  Then again, maybe your favorite type of voyeurism is a bit more secretive. Do you like to sneak a peak through a keyhole, a hole in a shower wall or up through the floorboards of an old porch, like a child discovering something naughty?  Do you like to look through your neighbor’s window, catching them in an intimate moment: a couple arguing and then making passionate love, a he-man flexing his naked muscles in his home gym, a beautiful woman undressing alone in her bathroom, stepping into the Jacuzzi, spreading her legs and masturbating to an aquatic orgasm on one of the ferociously whirling jets?  Or do you like to combine exhibitionism and voyeurism, and just watch yourself in the mirror?

What does it mean to be seen?  To be seen is to be a star.  A sex symbol--immortal, if only for a moment.  So what about seeing?  To see is to glimpse a special secret, to go behind the curtain, to gain knowledge. Knowledge is power, and sexual knowledge is sexual power.  No wonder you feel so excited and even powerful when you see someone or something special in a sexual way.  No wonder we all can appreciate the erotic pleasures of voyeurism.

The passive delights of voyeurism are especially popular among the rich and powerful. Pope Alexander IX was one of history's most decadent voyeurs.  That’s right, a Catholic pope was openly enjoying banquets such as what follows, as described by his master of ceremonies Burchard, Bishop of Ostia: "Fifty reputable courtesans supped at the Vatican...and after supper they danced about with the servants and others in that place, first in their clothes and then nude...candelabras and lighted candles were set on the floor and chestnuts were strewn about and the naked courtesans on hands and feet gathered them up, wriggling in and out among the candelabras...Then all those present in the hall were carnally treated in public... The pope gave prizes to the men who copulated the most times with the courtesans.”  Pope Alexander IX of the notorious Borgia family ruled the Catholic faithful from 1492 until his death in 1503 and was known for his libertine pleasures as well as for his relatively benign treatment of Jews, slaves and others.  Possibly all that voyeuristic entertainment helped to make him more “Catholic,” at least in the liberal, compassionate sense of the word. Other famous voyeurs from the annals of history include Lord Byron, Casanova, Charlie Chaplin, King Farouk, Errol Flynn, Maxim Gorki, Victor Hugo, Martin Luther and the notorious Marquis de Sade.

Some call voyeurs “Peeping Toms,” stemming from the medieval story of Lady Godiva—obviously an aristocratic exhibitionist—who rode through town naked to protest her husband Lord Godiva's unfair taxing of the townspeople (a bleeding heart liberal show-off if ever there was one). All the townspeople were supposed to close their shutters and not look upon the naked Lady on her horse. But one naughty, rather horny young man named Tom couldn't resist taking a peep (can you blame him?), so that's where we get the term “Peeping Tom.”

Though the word “voyeur” comes from the French, voir, “to see”, let's not forget it really encompasses more than just the eyes. Sound is a big part of the pleasure of sensual observation.  Ever find yourself overhearing the muffled moans of a housemate or neighbor banging away across the hall? Maybe you put your ear up to the door for more? Perhaps you've passed by an open window and had to stop yourself, listening to the excited breathing, a headboard hitting the wall, heightened voices... coming from just beyond. Did it turn you on? How could it not? Feelings are contagious, after all, and sound transports feelings, especially if the sound is someone sighing or crying out in ecstasy.

Speaking of feelings, do you need to talk about your voyeuristic desires, experiences or fantasies?  Are your voyeuristic feelings getting you into trouble—or on the verge of trouble?  Are you watching “too much” porn—maybe to the point that you feel (or someone you love feels) you are “addicted”?  Are you spending so much time watching that you have no time or energy to actually do anything with your sex life?  Would you sometimes rather just watch porn than have sex with your lover, even if she’s right in your bed waiting for you?  Are you looking at stuff that’s illegal?  Are you spying on someone without their consent?  Do you find yourself going to strip clubs instead of doing the hard work of playing the dating game?  Are you spending all your money on erotic entertainers who dominate you, turning you into a helpless “money slave” to their demands?  Are they humiliating you, cuckolding you and taking advantage of your voyeuristic needs?  Has your voyeurism morphed into cheating?  Are you doing things that make you feel ashamed and guilty afterwards?  Are your natural voyeuristic desires spiraling out of control?

If the answer is yes to any of these questions, you would greatly benefit by talking with someone who understands your desires and can help you regain control and keep them from ruining your life—without being forced to “abstain” or give up the natural, positive pleasures of voyeurism.  This is a specialty of ours here at the Dr. Susan Block Institute.  Many “regular” sex therapists aren’t comfortable addressing these topics, or perhaps you don’t feel comfortable talking to a regular therapist about your most personal feelings.  Whatever your concerns, rest assured, you can talk to us. World-renowned sexologist Dr. Susan Block, a Yale graduate with two doctorates, and the therapists of the Institute, are all excellent in their various fields, utilizing telephone sex therapy to listen, talk to you and help you deal with all your voyeuristic pleasures, problems, questions and desires.  You can talk to us about anything, and usually we can help, as we have helped people all over the world for over two decades.

And yes, you can masturbate, if you like, during sessions.  And, no, there is no other sex therapy or phone sex service quite like ours.  Our form of sex therapy is unique in that we can discuss and help you with your real-life situations, and/or we can enter the Erotic Theater of the Mind (your mind or ours or a combination) and roleplay your voyeuristic fantasies—even the forbidden kind that would get you into serious trouble if you acted them out in real life.  In fact, one of our specialties is "the forbidden," the stuff you can’t talk about to anyone else.  After all, pretty much everything is safe on the phone—where you can close your eyes and fantasize the wildest scenes possible through the hidden camera of your imagination. Moreover, rest assured that your secrets are safe with us.  Therapy with the Institute is completely private, discreet and confidential.  Of course, we can’t tell you their names, but we count many celebrities and world leaders among our clients, so we understand the importance of strict confidentiality.  We have been around and we intend to stay around, and we value your privacy as we value our reputation.

Voyeuristic phone sex therapy is fun, satisfying, edifying, defuses desires (so you’re less likely to get into trouble) and often leads to great insights into your sexuality and other aspects of your deeper self.  We’ve found the phone—private, intimate and essentially non-visual—to be an excellent vehicle for this kind of erotic insight.  Then again, voyeurism is primarily a visual interest, and you can also enjoy a very personal voyeuristic experience tailored to your desires with one of our webcam sex therapists.

Whatever your voyeuristic pleasure or problem, we’re here for you, 24/7, every day and night, including holidays, whether you need to talk…or just watch.  Give us a call anytime at [callus].

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Do you seek a more spiritual approach to sexuality?

Are you dissatisfied with the sex-negative dogma of most organized religions, yet not entirely comfortable with the crass, objectifying, even soul-deadening lack of intimacy involved in most non-spiritual approaches to sex?

Do you want to find “pure bliss” in this lifetime? Do you desire erotic enlightenment?  Do you long to feel the deepest connection between your body and your partner’s, or between the universe inside and outside of you? Would you like to experience better, more frequent, and longer orgasms? Full-body orgasms? Touch-free orgasms? Or are orgasms not really the point for you? Do you yearn for the kind of soul-enlivening intimacy that can only be called “spiritual”?

Are you striving to make sex more than just a path to orgasm, more even than just something “enjoyable”? Do you have a sense that there is a more intense pleasure and deeper understanding and connection available through sex than you have yet experienced? Do you long to practice a more “sacred” sexuality?  Or, perhaps your desires are more down to earth... perhaps you are seeking a real solution to a real physical problem. Then again, maybe you are just curious by nature, and are eager to explore new regions of erotic knowledge and understanding.

In any case, if the answer to more than one of the above questions is “yes,” you would benefit from learning something about Tantric Sex.

Although there are many definitions, Tantra is a body of beliefs, practices, and teachings aimed at expanding consciousness, enhancing interconnectedness, and weaving the different natures of the universe into an integrated whole. In fact, the word “tantra” means “weaving,” and tantric ritual seeks to weave the supra-mundane or spiritual with the mundane or physical, identifying the microcosm with the macrocosm.  The Tantric practitioner uses yoga, mantras, mudras, mandalas, chakras, yantras and other systems to attempt to manipulate prana, an energy that flows through the universe (inside and outside of one's own body) to attain goals that may be spiritual, material or both.

“Tantric Sex” forms a subdomain of this overall tradition that weaves the spiritual with the material. Some call tantric sex “neotantra,” identifying it as the “new age” variation or modern Western interpretation of traditional Eastern Hindu and Buddhist tantra. Tantric sex uses special mind and body techniques to cultivate ecstatic consciousness as well as increased spiritual awareness of the erotic consciousness that pervades one's human nature.  Tantric sexual methods may be practiced alone, in partnership, or in the sacred sex rituals of groups.

Tantric sexual practices aren’t “just” about heightened consciousness.  They certainly have immediate, tangible benefits: they can make you more anatomically flexible, and can help solve many physical sexual problems. Tantric sex techniques can be a great help to women who have difficulty experiencing orgasm, men with premature ejaculation tendencies and couples who wish to attain more intimacy through sex. These practices can greatly help people to "slow down," breathe deep and discover new and exciting sexual positions and techniques. Tantric practice can literally breathe new life into your sexuality.

However, Tantra is also about going even deeper...about connecting with the sexuality of your partner (whatever their sex, and whatever way you swing), and connecting with the orgasmic sexuality of the entire universe. Tantric sex practices not only teach us ways of prolonging and enhancing the pleasure of making love, but of utilizing potent orgasmic energies more effectively for your overall health, enlightenment and well-being. This is not only to increase your individual awareness and understanding, but that of the people around you. Overall tantric philosophy focuses on enhancing compassion and consciousness, so as to serve, heal and help others: one of the greatest pleasures in life. Indeed, serving, healing and helping others is exactly what the Block Institute is all about.

Dr. Susan Block, the founder of the Institute, has studied and practiced various forms of Tantra since she was a freshman at Yale University where she meditated and practiced Kundalini yoga and advanced deep breathing techniques for an hour every day before class.  She went on to study at Tantric ashrams and communities in Kathmandu, Nepal and Dharamsala, India, as well as with the late Tibetan Tantric Meditation Master Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, eminent embodiment of the “crazy wisdom” (Tibetan: yeshe chölwa) tradition of Tibetan Buddhism, and other Tantric masters and practitioners at Naropa Institute in Boulder, Colorado.  She has also studied the work of Guru Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh aka Osho, and follows Margot Anand’s “Skydancing Tantra,” Annie Sprinkle’s “Tantric Massage,” Diana Daffner’s “Tantric Sex for Busy Couples,” Dr. Judy Kuriansky’s “Idiot’s Guide to Tantric Sex” and Barbara Carrellas’ “Urban Tantra” and the harnessing of ecstasy.

Dr. Block and some of our other more Tantra-skilled therapists here at the Institute can help you with your questions about this ancient and yet thoroughly modern philosophy of the erotic mind and body. We teach many Tantric practices and principles, as well as provide a Tantric Sexual Experience, with a customized combination of Erotic Hypnosis, Guided Masturbation, Erotic Theater Therapy:  Fantasy Roleplay, Bonobo Liberation Therapy, Sensual Domination, Sex Therapy, Phone Sex Therapy and Tantric techniques.  We teach and practice Tantra over the phone, on webcam and via text and provide in-person Tantric sex education classes and tutorials for some of our regular phone and webcam clients.

If you’re interested in Tantra or any kind of deep, meaningful sexuality, we’re here for you.  And you can talk with us any time of day or night, any day of the week, even holidays.  We’re ready to teach you, learn from you, guide you, serve you and heal you. We’re here to take your sexuality to a higher level physically and spiritually.  Don’t worry about concepts that seem complex or foreign, or even if you feel you're far from the spiritual state you think you ought to be in.  We understand. And we’re here to help. It's easy to talk to us, and you'll be surprised how good you'll feel when you do—body, mind and soul.

Call the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime at [callus]. We're open 24/7, and we’re here for you.

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Do penises turn you on? (It's okay, you can admit it... to us.) Do you find yourself thinking about, visualizing, or  fantasizing about them (or one in particular), either a lot, or just a little? Maybe you spend time seeking out the male member in online or other forms of pornography. Maybe you're considering having a physical, sexual encounter with one in real life (and we don't mean just your own). Maybe you already have. Maybe it was recently, maybe it was from long ago... perhaps in your childhood, be it friendly or sensual, and now you're thinking about it again.  Maybe you’re considering looking but not touching…or maybe more.

Attraction by a male to the penis of another male is quite common, and comes in an amazing number of variations. It could be just in the context of women; perhaps the idea of a threesome with a hot girl and another guy turns you on. You may have a cuckolding fantasy or a desire to be humiliated.  Maybe you like to watch women, but find lesbian porn a little boring.  You’d rather see the woman having sex with a guy… yep, there’s that penis.  That doesn’t make you weird or gay or even necessarily bi.  Not that there's anything wrong with being gay or bi, but lots of straight men are turned on by looking at cocks. One reason that straight male/female porn is the most popular form for straight guys to watch is that most straight guys enjoy watching a hot woman having sex with a well-hung dude.  And the dude himself usually isn’t all that important.  It’s the penis.

You might be more turned on when this penis is very large and super hard, attached to a strong, muscular, dominant “real man” who knows how to use it.   Then again, maybe you like a penis attached to someone that looks and acts like a female, aka a trans or gender-fluid person... with a penis.  Maybe you want to worship what you imagine to be a “superior” penis, or let both your cocks and balls compete in a “sperm war.”  Maybe you enjoy being penetrated by a finger or pegged by a strap-on dildo, but feel a penis can do more for you.  Maybe your desire for the penis is oral.

Maybe sex isn't even a part of it... perhaps you are simply fascinated by another man's member, for reasons which aren't just about lust.  Think about all the phallic objects in the world—from cannons to columns, skyscrapers to obelisks—most of it manmade, and you might realize how many other guys through history have had a bit of a penis fetish.

Either way, in today's world, even with increasing tolerance for homosexuality, bisexuality, and a healthy sexual curiosity, the same sex attraction to a penis is still stigmatized by a cultural subtext that labels it “deviant.” Even labeling things as simplistically as “gay” or “straight” can actually serve to diminish our understanding, not to mention our pleasure.  The truth may be that human sexuality is nuanced, varied, and runs a wide gamut, taking on an infinite variety of forms. But “truth” and “reality” don't always coincide. So you may find it challenging—to say the least--to work out your feelings or desires, realized or not, when it comes to your interest in penises.

Think about how many guys engaged in games that involved comparing members as little kids. Many go further... touching, playing and performing with them…after all, with a healthy curiosity comes a curiosity about sex, and our bodies. For some, the curiosity was just that. For others, it led to deeper, more long lasting feelings and desires. Now, after some time, maybe you still feel the need to satisfy some unfulfilled urge. Perhaps you want to know how to do this in your life, or maybe you want to gain control over those desires or just work out very confused feelings.

Over all, you just might need to talk with someone who understands and can help you sort out your feelings. Simply trying to repress these feelings can lead to your brain frying, as evidenced by all the closet “homosexuals” recently emerging in the harsh glare of the media from, say, the Republican Party, or the priesthood of the Catholic Church. All the inordinate time spent hypocritically railing against and oppressing feelings that are quite normal can lead to those unexpressed needs and wants festering and mutating until they cause real damage and pain... hence all the scandals that plague many of our most venerated institutions.

Whatever desires you have, if you want to simply learn more about them and what they mean, or if you are concerned that they are “deviant” (they're not) or that you are “gay” or “bi,” you should know that nothing is wrong, and that we are here to help you cope with your feelings and your situation, your fantasies and your reality. If you just want to explore the aural pleasures of a penis-oriented, sexpert-guided masturbation or erotic hypnosis session, that’s also available to you.  Many of our male and female therapists have penis fetishes themselves, and have been through many growth experiences learning about this endlessly fascinating subject.  Speaking of fascinating, the Latin root of that word is fascinum, a penis-shaped amulet that ancient Roman men and women wore on necklaces for good luck.

But back to you.  Do you need to talk about this?  Whether you’re looking for serious therapy or a hot phone sex experience, you can talk to us.  In our work, we've talked to thousands of people of all kinds in different situations from many different places and cultures around the world—all strictly confidential.  We wouldn’t say we’ve “heard it all,” but we’ve heard a LOT. We don’t judge you. We help you.  If you don't feel “normal”, if you need advice, or just want to express yourself, you can call us anytime.  Don’t be embarrassed.  You'd be amazed at the number of seemingly “mainstream” people who have hidden desires like this under the surface. Even if you’ve never really talked about this before, you’ll be amazed at how easy it is to talk with us, and how good you’ll feel when you do. Call the Dr. Susan Block Institute at [callus]. We're open 24/7, and we’re here for you.

Pleasure is a pursuit. Sharing pleasure is a delight. Sharing pleasure in a long-term relationship is an art form. Susan M. Block, PhD

Take a break from your sex-stultifying routine. Go on an adventure together. Explore new worlds inside and out. Stimulate your libido. Open your heart. Rekindle your passion. Develop healthier, more effective communication skills. Gain insight into ongoing problems and develop a plan for solving or coping with them. Savor succulent, healthy cuisine and libations, play on amazing erotic furniture, immerse yourselves in art, romance and bohemian sensuality. Learn The Bonobo Way in Bonoboville. Get the 10 Commandments of Pleasure from the source of ethical hedonism and the home of the “long-term love affair.” Discover deeper intimacy and greater arousal. Discover each other. Fall in love again….

Do something special to enhance your relationship—erotically, therapeutically, artistically and romantically—at a very unique, private, erotic retreat, the "Hotel Bonobo" inside the world-renowned Dr. Susan Block Institute.

Enjoy a dynamic experience that feels like the best kind of vacation: an exciting, romantic getaway in a place some call the “adult Disneyland,” with a custom-made therapeutic structure designed to enrich your sexual connection. This is not a group program or workshop. This is a private, very personalized weekend getaway or weeknight retreat for you and your special someone at the Institute.

Since your retreat is highly customized to your needs as individuals and couples, every retreat is different. But there are certain similarities. Imagine staying in an art-filled private room at a beautiful retro 1950s motel surrounded by romantic balconies, a palm-tree garden, a friendly bar, pool table, Sybian machine, bondage crosses, monkey rockers and other erotic curiosities. Your private room with French doors (that don't open) allow you to peek into the bar or, if you open your curtain, others could peek in on you. Just upstairs is the commissary serving complimentary gourmet meals to your taste. All around you is erotic art and sex furniture you can play on, as well as sex toys you can play with. Depending on the night(s) you’re here, there may be other couples hanging out at the open bar, partying in a sensual, clothing-optional atmosphere, or you may have virtually the whole place to yourself, except for the friendly, helpful Institute staff to serve your needs and desires.

Of course, the Erotic Urban Retreat for Couples at the Block Institute in LA is much more than a romantic getaway. The Institute is a place of learning in the erotic arts and sciences, directed by world-renowned sexologist, Dr. Susan Block, a Magna cum Laude graduate of Yale University with two doctorates, a Ph.D. in psychology from Pacific Western University and a Doctor of Arts Honoris Causa from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Your Block Institute retreat would include at least one in-person therapy session with Dr. Block, who generally takes a three-pronged approach to sex therapy: 1) analysis, 2) technique and 3) adventure.

Though Dr. Block is best-known for her best-selling books, HBO specials and appearances on Oprah, Nightline and Playboy TV, she is deeply devoted to her private sex therapy work with couples, as well as singles, in person and over the phone. Your retreat may also involve some of the Institute’s other therapists. In keeping with our eclectic approach to life and sex therapy, the therapists of the Institute specialize in a wide variety of areas of expertise, from sexologists like Dr. Block to tantric sex practitioners, registered nurses, adult film stars, artists, acrobats, educators, masseuses, masters, dommes, interns and sex toy specialists.

If you’ve “never done anything like this” before, don’t be embarrassed. We all need help with sex at one time or another, especially those of us in long-term relationships. Besides, there’s no “shame” in staying in a super cool place like the Block Institute. Nevertheless, your total privacy and confidentiality is of utmost importance to us. Though Dr. Block herself is a public figure, she and all of our therapists are extremely scrupulous about maintaining the complete privacy and confidentiality of our guests and clients. Though we’ve got some great testimonials, we wish we could tell you about the wonderful things some of our famous guests have said about the Institute, but our lips are sealed.

So what are you waiting for? Book an erotic retreat at the Institute for you and your special someone right now! Or just get more information when you call 626-461-5950. Someone is always here to take your call.

Single? Ask about our Solo Erotic Retreats.

Please note: Retreats start at $750.00.

Premature Ejaculation is most often described as the inability to delay ejaculation to a point when it is mutually desirable for both partners. It is an extremely common condition for men around the world. So if you suffer from the humiliation and frustration of premature ejaculation (or if your partner does), rest assured that you are not alone. Virtually all males experience premature ejaculation at some time in their lives, usually when they are young. But for many, “coming too fast” remains an ongoing problem, even into old age. Sometimes, ironically, it accompanies impotence and other forms of erectile dysfunction.

Your first premature ejaculation experience can be laughed off as “no big deal,” or it can be so traumatic that you find yourself dropping your bombs before you reach your target again and again. Luckily, there are several fairly simple “cures” for what I call Sexual Quick Draw McGraw Syndrome. With a little understanding, technique, help and practice, you can safely and naturally banish the heartbreaking embarrassment of premature ejaculation forever from your sexual life.

Let’s start with understanding. The Boston Medical Group estimates the premature ejaculation prevalence rate in American males as from 30-70%. Why are these figures so high? Why is premature ejaculation so common? Why is it that most men will prematurely ejaculate at some points in their sex lives, and why do so many do it almost constantly?

Here’s the bottom line in terms of evolutionary biology: Premature ejaculation is natural. It may even be more natural for a man, especially a young man, to come “too” quickly than to control his orgasm long enough to make sex satisfying for himself and his partner. Nature favors premature ejaculators, guys that pop their loads into the next generation before the gal can get away. Those males who come as fast as possible, that is, before the female changes her mind or predators - ancient saber-toothed cats or modern-day parents - arrive to ruin the mood, have tended to reproduce more than guys who take their time. After all, a woman doesn’t need to have an orgasm to get pregnant, nor does the man have to feel like a stud. He just needs to ejaculate inside of her at the right time of month, his potent sperm penetrating her fertile egg. So despite how mortified he might be or how frustrated she might feel, as far as natural reproduction is concerned, the sooner he comes inside her, the better.

But just because premature ejaculation is natural doesn’t mean it’s desirable.

After all, sex isn’t just about procreation; it’s about recreation. It’s also a form of communication. What do you communicate to your partner when you produce the juice before you put it in her caboose? The first time, you could be communicating, “You’re so hot I just couldn’t control myself!” In that sense, one or two episodes of premature ejaculation can be a bittersweet “compliment” to Mr. Quick Draw’s partner who could be considered a “Premature Ejaculation Inducer.” But if you come too fast time and again, you start communicating anxiety, insensitivity and other not-so sexy messages.

More stats from Boston Medical: The average man can usually control ejaculation for 6-10 minutes after penetration. However, the average woman needs approximately 15-20 minutes of sexual activity before she can experience orgasm. By these standards, the entire male race needs to learn how to better prolong erection and sexual stamina.

In a sexually civilized society, gentlemen would be educated in the art and science of ejaculation control. How else are you guys going to learn? After all, someone had to toilet train you, right? But nobody ejaculation-trained you. Unless you’re one of the lucky ones…

Over the years, I have “ejaculation-trained” thousands of men from all over the world. And no, I haven’t had the pleasure of having sex with them all. Most ejaculation training takes place over the phone during the process I call telephone sex therapy. Through deep relaxation, guided masturbation, anatomical education, PC muscle exercise training, erotic hypnosis, fantasy roleplay and other techniques, I help men of all ages last longer, please their partners and wind up with a much bigger orgasmic ejaculation than they ever experienced as Sexual Quick Draw McGraws.

1. Grow Up: Premature Ejaculation is most common among young men. If you are under twenty-five, and you’re quick on the trigger, the good news is that you’ll probably slow down as you get older. The “bad” news is that if you want to be a great lover while you’re young and virile, you need to learn a thing or two about discipline. Keep in mind that experience is the greatest teacher. Practice, practice, practice! Older men with premature ejaculation problems tend to lack much sexual experience.

2. Come Again: If you’re young, you may ejaculate sooner than you’d like, but you might also be able to get hard again soon after you’ve come. If so, then don’t worry so much about “premature ejaculate.” Just come naturally, then engage in other forms of lovemaking while you build up towards another erection. This second time around, you are likely to last longer simply because you have less fluid in your seminal vesicles and less urgency to release it. You can “trick” your system by masturbating a few hours before your sexual encounter, so that your urge to come is not so urgent. You can also take Viagra to insure that even after you ejaculate, you’ll have a hard-on. However, I don’t recommend taking Viagra if you don’t have serious erectile dysfunction, because you can easily develop a psychological dependency on it.

3. Breath Deep: Now we’re getting into serious control techniques. When you’re nervous or excited, the natural tendency is to hold your breath. Holding your breath creates tension that demands release, which is one reason for premature ejaculation. Learn to slow yourself down by inhaling deeply and exhaling even more slowly, as practiced by Tantric sex practitioners. Tantra is not for everybody, but its slow deep breathing techniques are excellent for reducing the chance of premature ejaculation.

4. PC Exercise: Ejaculating before you want to--whether it’s after ten minutes or ten seconds—is a sexual *weakness.* If you want to become sexually strong, you need to strengthen the right muscles. For instance, if the muscles in your thighs are weak and you want to run longer, you work out your thigh muscles. So what muscle should a gentleman exercise to strengthen his ability to maintain an erection in different sexual positions without ejaculating? Contrary to popular belief, the penis itself is NOT a muscle--nor does it have a bone, even though they call erections “boners.” Answer: Your PC muscle. No, it’s not your politically correct muscle nor is it personal computer muscle; it’s your pubococcygeus (PC) muscle group that runs from the pubic bone in front to the tailbone in back and supports the pelvic floor. This is the muscle that spasms during orgasm in the male and the female. PC muscle exercise is good for both men and women. To find your PC muscle, pretend that you’re urinating and want to stop the flow of urine by squeezing an internal muscle. Feel it? That’s your PC muscle. Flex or squeeze it for a couple of seconds, then release. And squeeze and release, squeeze and release, breathing in on the squeeze and out on the release. Do the PC muscle exercise ten times in the morning and ten times in the evening, gradually holding squeeze longer each time, and you will eventually gain strength and control. By the way, you can do this exercise anytime, anywhere--sitting, standing, walking around, or lying down. Women should do PC muscle exercises regularly too. A strong PC muscle enhances female orgasm tremendously, along with improving male ejaculation control.

5. Stop/Start Technique: Just like the name says, this method involves arousing the penis to the point before the point of no return and then stopping, pulling out if necessary, and letting your erection go down before resuming the stroking, sucking or thrusting. That is, if your flaccid state is at “0”, and ejaculation is at “10,” then the point of no return would be “9.” So you would need to reduce stimulation or “stop” at level “8” or, if you’re very trigger-happy, at level “7.” The stop/start exercise trains your big head and little head to recognize the points or stages of pleasure before the point of no return. Then, it trains you to stop--maybe for half a second, maybe for about a minute--so you don’t come. It’s a simple exercise that sex therapists and surrogates have been teaching for years, and it really works after about a month or two of practice, if you practice. In fact, you can get so good at this that you can experience multiple orgasms without ejaculation before your final ejaculatory climax.

6. Squeeze Technique: This is the same as the stop/start technique, but just as you stop, you or your lover squeeze the rim of your penis, between the head and the shaft, holding the thumb on top and the first and second fingers underneath. That’s the most popular spot for the squeeze technique. But there’s another spot right in the middle of the base of the penis, above the scrotum, where it meets the pubic bone. Max and other guys swear this is a sure-fire come-stopper.

7. Tease Technique: Erotic Teasing is one of the sexier ways to hold off premature ejaculation. Encourage your partner to tease you, with lots of foreplay, before you penetrate her mouth or vagina. Teasing is also excellent for women, though usually for the opposite reasons. Men need to be teased because it makes them slow down. Women need to be teased because it makes them come around.

8. Drink Up: A little alcohol can help some gentlemen with premature ejaculation last longer. This is not an excuse to get plastered, which tends to give you the opposite problem: erectile dysfunction, a.k.a. drunk dick syndrome. As Porter tells MacDuff in Shakespeare’s MacBeth, alcohol “provokes the desire, but takes away the performance.”

9. Relax: Remember, pressure is the enemy of pleasure. Every guy comes too fast sometimes due to stress, novelty, performance anxiety, or good old-fashioned excitement. If you just do it occasionally, try not to make a big deal about it. You’re likely to make it worse. Just gently and playfully start going through some of the above activities. They’re great sexual muscle-building exercises, even if you don’t have “penis problems.” And don’t let the fact that you came a little earlier than expected stop you from helping your partner to come.

10. Back-Up Your Hard-Drive: Always keep a back-up system for your computer, and always have some sex toys – dildos, vibrators and other goodies – to use on your partner when your personal hard-on is down. Or just go down on her. Most women are more likely to climax from a talented tongue than from a hard penis anyway. Coming “too fast” is relative. Remember that you can always keep going even after you’ve come, with your mouth, hands or toys. Or just make sure that you give your partner an orgasm or two before you get into any of her orifices or, if you’re lightning fast, before you let her touch your penis at all.

11. Examine Yourself: If you’re over thirty, chronically trigger happy and have “no luck” with any of the above exercises, tips and techniques, then you might have a psychological problem. This is not cause to check yourself into the nearest psych ward or start guzzling Prozac (which can wreak havoc on your sense of desire). But you may need to work out some internal conflicts in order to relax and relate, as well as control yourself sexuality. This “tip” calls for examining yourself and your feelings, especially your penis’ feelings. What is your quick-to-come, quick-to-go prick trying to tell you? Could it be that you subconsciously want to get sex over with? Why? What are you afraid of? Answering these questions honestly can lead you into some pretty tough psychological terrain, involving your ambivalent feelings about women and sex, your fears of abandonment (so you come “before” you can be abandoned), your performance anxieties, your guilt about sex, your conflicts over pleasure. If it’s too tough for you to handle alone—and it’s generally not the type of thing you can talk about with friends, family or even your partner—you might want to consult a sex therapist.

12. Enjoy Yourself: Many guys think of sex as a purely penis-driven activity. Give yourself permission to savor the little pleasures of life, love and sex, the touch of your partner’s skin, the smell of her hair. Instead of focusing all your desire in the hyper-sensitive head of your penis, try opening up to pleasure you can experience through your fingers, toes, nipples, buns, lips and tongue. Don’t worry, you’ll come back to your precious penis, but not before you’ve aroused your whole being: body, mind and soul. It takes a little patience, but if you practice, by the time you allow the forces of pleasure to flow freely through your mighty shaft, you’ll find yourself enjoying the biggest, most explosive orgasm ever.

The Dr. Susan Block Institute The Orgasm Specialists Free 24-Hour Sex Therapy Info Line: [callus]

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Do you crave a heightened sexual experience that goes beyond the ordinary? Do you fantasize about exciting, intense, athletic sex with an uninhibited, experienced partner who has a super hot body, smooth shaved genitalia and an insatiable libido?

Do you want to explore a variety of sexual positions—doggystyle (standing or on knees), cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, Asian cowgirl (cowgirl with the female's feet flat on the ground, in case you didn't know), missionary (with legs spread or up over shoulders), anal intercourse, analingus, 69 (in all its delicious variations), full-throttle deep throating, snowballs, facesitting, hairpulling, cream pies, ball licking, ATM, tittyfucking, footjobs, female ejaculation, screaming orgasms, rough sex, come in the face, bukkake, exhibitionism, interracial, threesomes, group sex,  gangbangs (and the list goes on...)?

Do you long to live out a sexual scene that’s as lusty, “dirty” and hardcore as the stuff you see in porn?

If so, count yourself among the many who desire The Porn Star Experience (PSE). Though it’s a common fantasy and can even be a fetish, it’s not as easy to achieve as most porn makes it look.  The first challenge is finding a genuine PSE partner, which either means someone who wants to have sex like a porn star, or who actually is a porn star.  If you’re a single guy (and yes, it’s mostly guys looking for the Porn Star Experience, as many of the gals who really enjoy it just become porn stars!), it’s tough enough to find a good PSE partner.  If you’re married, you might be able to interest your wife (or girlfriend) in trying some PSE moves (more on how to finesse that in a moment), but many women are uncomfortable, unwilling or physically unable to engage in these types of hardcore sex acts.

Positions and sex acts are just the start of what a porn star may be eager and able to take part in. Porn stars are also exciting because of how they sound and talk. Do you like moaning? Screaming? Dirty talk?  Do you want your name called out mid-orgasm? Or maybe you’d like to be called other, nastier names? Maybe you want to call her the nasty names without worrying about offending her.  Maybe you want her to beg you to give it to her good? To spank her? To cum on her? Or do you want her grab your cock with confidence and cum all over you?

If you've been fantasizing about this, then the PSE may be just what you need. You may not want the porn star life, but one advantage of the PSE is that it is just a temporary experience... you won't deal with having a porn star for your girlfriend, you won't have to be on camera in front of thousands of people (or a crew and hot lights), and you don't need to worry about the actual art and business of pornography! But you do get to enjoy the erotic rush and unforgettable, confidence-boosting sexual experience that comes out of living the fantasy... for a bit, anyway.

So where and how do you get the PSE?  Many escorts, mistresses and call girls offer it.   Some are even actual porn stars who meet with private clients on the side.  Just google the Porn Star Experience and surf around until you find someone appealing in your area.  Entering the escort world is a gamble, of course—not to mention illegal in many locales—but you just might have the PSE of your life!

Then again, you might be hesitant to jump into a real-life PSE, for various practical reasons. Cost: a genuine PSE can be fairly expensive. Safety: who is this person you will be intimate with for an evening or other short time? Will they rip you off? Do they have an STD? Do they have a shady past that may catch up with them (and you)? Besides that, maybe you don't want people to find out about your PSE. Maybe you have a wife or girlfriend, and don't want to cheat on her (or don't want to get caught). Maybe you don't want anyone to know, because of the stigma that's still attached to prostitution (and, to some extent, pornography). Maybe you don’t have the time or opportunity.

But there is a way to get the pleasure, excitement and the awesome, empowering carnal knowledge of The Porn Star Experience without the headache of hiring an escort or mistress, and it’s as close as your own phone.  You can experience the PSE in a telephone or webcam sex therapy session with the Dr. Susan Block Institute.  We’re therapists—some of us with PhD’s, Master’s, nursing and other degrees—but we're sex therapists, and some of us are porn stars. All of us know porn stars and love them. They’re frequent guests at the Institute, especially on Saturday nights when we have our shows and parties. In the medium of the telephone—as well as webcam, email or text—we are the very best at delivering the most intense, visceral, creative, descriptive Porn Star Experience you can imagine.  Our sexy porn star and pornstar-friendly therapists—male, female and shemale—are ready to talk with you, listen and share that quintessential PSE with you.

We can also help you to bring out the “porn star” from within your wife or girlfriend—or yourself!—so you can have an actual PSE with someone you love.  Everybody has a wild porn star inside of them yearning to break free and get wild in some way.  Keep in mind that pornstar quality sex is not an all or nothing proposition.  In fantasy, you can do it all.  In real life, if you can learn just a few PSE moves, positions or tricks, and encourage your partner to really cut loose, you can really spice up your regular sex life.

You might even have a real Porn Star Experience if you come to see a show here at our LA Institute on Saturday nights when Dr. Susan Block interviews porn stars and other sexperts.  That’s right, you can meet real porn stars in person here (call [callus] for more information about attending our Saturday night shows).  So though the PSE might be pure fantasy, we’re very real and down-to-earth and you can see that for yourself when you visit.

But since we’re an international institute and most of our clients don’t live in LA, our most popular medium for the PSE is the telephone.  It’s  intimate, convenient, less expensive, and virtually pressure-free, allowing you to really relax and let your imagination go wild. Whether you want to have The Porn Star Experience over the phone or cam, or discuss some of the pros and cons of doing it in real life, you can give us a call right now or anytime that’s good for you.  Unlike most therapists, we’re here for you whenever you need us, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.  Call [callus].

The other side of the coin of The Porn Star Experience is often referred to as “The Girlfriend Experience” (GSE).  If you’re seeking a partner that’s more friendly than lusty, an experience that’s more emotional than physical, more about intimacy than excitement, perhaps you'd benefit from the GSE.  Here at the Dr. Susan Block Institute, we offer both The Girlfriend Experience and The Porn Star Experience, via phone, webcam, sexting and a whole lot more. Call us now to find out all about it (no charge for information!): [callus].

"Happy Lupercalia! Forget Candy and Flowers! Enjoy Whips and Floggers!  And remember: the Valentine ‘heart’ is no cardiac muscle, but a nice, red, well-whipped butt,” says Dr. Block

This Saturday night, February 16^th, The Dr. Susan Block Show will whip it up for Lupercalia, the original Valentine’s Day. Honoring exclusive, romantic love on Valentine’s Day is a relatively new invention, created by the Catholic Church and commercialized by Hallmark.  But the tradition of celebrating all-inclusive wild lust in mid-February dates back to the Lupercalia, the prehistoric Roman festival of communal sexuality, purification and fertility, the rush of hormones, the howl of the wolf, the crack of the whip (the februa) and the coming of spring.

This Saturday’s LUPERCALIA Rising is part of Eve Ensler’s international campaign against rape and violence, One Billion Rising: Strike, Dance, Rise Up.

Joining international sexologist Dr. Susan Block in her Womb Room broadcast studios will be fetish star and female ejaculatrix Eden Alexander, Kink.com BDSM performer and martial artist Sebastian Keys, latex fetish starlet Idelsy Love, the return of world-class lifestyle domina Mistress C, and DrSuzy.tv award winner and Nightmoves TS performer of 2012 Tiffany Starr.

Valentine/LUPERCALIA Rising will air live February 16th, 2013, 10:30pm-Midnight PST on The Dr. Susan Block Show. Listen FREE at http://tinyurl.com/RadioSex.  Call-In Free: 1.866.289.7068.

Watch the LIVE BROADCAST & See All the Pix and Past Shows at http://drsusanblock.com/TV.html.

To join our exclusive live in-studio audience and the after-party at Dr. Suzy’s Speakeasy in the Soul of Downtown LA, aka BonoboVille, call or go to http://tinyurl.com/DrSuzyRSVP.

The Dr. Susan Block Show beverages of choice are Absinthe and Hennessy, among the many fine libations and gourmet hors d’oeuvres featured at the always-popular Speakeasy Open Bar and Aphrodisiac Buffet.  Sex toys provided by Sybian, CalExotics, ScreamingO, Divine Interventions, Stockroom, JuxLeather, Pipedream Products and Condomania condoms. Proceeds from donations go to help save the highly endangered “make love not war” bonobos from extinction in the Congo and to promote the Bonobo Way of Peace through Pleasure around the world.

The Dr. Susan Block Show is produced by The Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences, an international center for sexual expression, therapy and education, based in LA.  Founded in 1991 by Susan M. Block, PhD, world-renowned Yale-educated sexologist, best-selling author and host of HBO specials, the Institute’s mission is to help individuals, couples and communities enhance their sexuality and improve their lives based upon Dr. Block’s philosophy of Ethical Hedonism and the Bonobo Way of Peace through Pleasure.

Is this private?

All telephone sex therapy, counseling and coaching sessions are absolutely private, discreet and confidential. Though Dr. Susan Block is a public figure, she and all of her therapists are extremely scrupulous about maintaining the complete privacy of our clients. Also please rest assured that your information cannot be hacked. Unlike most modern companies, the Block Institute keeps absolutely no client information--personal, financial, medical or anything else--online or even on computers.  If you have any further questions about our privacy policies and practices, please call our office at [callus].

Do I Need an Appointment?

No. You are always welcome to call, anytime 24/7, with or without an appointment, and we will put you through to the available therapist of your choice.  If you wish to make an appointment to speak to a particular therapist at a particular time, you may do so. But appointments are not necessary, and someone is always available to take your call 24/7.

Financial Considerations

Dr. Susan Block’s rates for telephone sex therapy, life coaching by phone, erotic hypnosis and relationship counseling by phone are $237 per hour, but you only pay for the time that you talk. Some of our celebrity phone sex therapists are the same rate. Most of our other therapists are $210 per hour.  Since many of our clients do not wish to speak for a full hour, for financial reasons or time constraints, we also charge by the minute. So that's $3.95 per minute to talk with Dr. Block, and $3.50 per minute for one of our other therapists; the minimum session being $42 for 12 minutes.

Our Webcam Sex Therapy service is $4.50 per minute, also with a 12-minute minimum.

You can charge your sessions to any major credit card, including Visa, Mastercard, Discover, American Express, Serve or Bluebird, or you can use checks-by-phone. For more information, call us anytime at [callus] and one of our staff members will be happy to help you.

You only have to go through credit card or checks-by-phone processing one time. Once you are a private client of the Institute, and you identify yourself when you call, we will put you through to the therapist of your choice right away.

When speaking to any Block Institute therapist, your privacy and confidentiality regarding your financial information, as well as everything else you talk to us about, is absolutely guaranteed (see above).

If you're not sure which therapist you'd like to talk to, our receptionist can help you make the decision. You may want to talk about several different subjects in one session. You may want to discuss some serious sexual issues in your life as well as enjoy a hot phone sex fantasy. That’s fine. There are no limits on what you discuss or how you and your therapist talk in your private telephone session. Not all of our therapists can handle every kind of subject, of course, but we have a large international therapy team working with the Institute, and we can always find a therapist suited to your specific needs and desires.

And yes, you can masturbate, if you want, during telephone sex therapy sessions. And no, there is no other phone sex or phone therapy service quite like ours. The Dr. Susan Block Institute is unique. At least, that's what our extremely satisfied clients tell us. Why don't you find out for yourself?

Call us at [callus].

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You can talk with the telephone sex therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute about anything you want to talk about.  No topic is too "taboo." Look over the lists of topics below under "Sexual Issues" and "Erotic Pleasures," if you need some ideas. As you can see, there is quite a bit of overlap among all the subjects we deal with. And we deal with more subjects than we could possibly list.

You may want to talk about several subjects in one session. You may want to discuss some serious sexual issues in your life as well as enjoy a hot phone sex fantasy. That’s fine. There are no limits on what you discuss or how you and your therapist talk in your private telephone session. Not all of our therapists can handle every kind of subject, of course, but we have a large team working with the Institute, and we can always find a therapist suited to your specific needs and desires.

And yes, you can masturbate, if you want, during telephone sex therapy sessions. And no, there is no other phone sex or phone therapy service quite like ours.

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Sexual Issues Understanding Your Sexual Nature and How to Live with It Exploring Your Erotic Fantasies How to Find the Lover of Your Dreams Understanding Your Partner’s Fantasies Dealing with Your Fears and Desires How to Express Your Erotic Nature How to Explore Your Sexual Fetish Erotically and Safely How to Share Your Fantasies with Your Partner How to Liberate Your Inner Bonobo Childhood Influences on Your Sexuality Relationships and Sex Families and Sex Work and Sex Politics and Sex Money and Sex Religion and Sex Art and Sex Cuckoldry Trust Issues Sexual Wellness Religious Sexual Abuse How to Channel Erotic Inspiration How to Get What You Want In Sex, Love, Life and Death Orgasmic Fulfillment Orgasm Difficulties Masturbation Issues Masturbation Technique Mutual Masturbation Safe Sex in Dan gerous Situations Ejaculation Control Erectile Dif ficulties “Sex Addiction” Body Image Issues Shyness Exploring the Clitoris Low Sexual Desire Dealing with Your Partner’s Low Sexual Desire Penis Size Concerns Enhancement of Arousal Virginity Issues Exploring Pain/Pleasure Dynamics How to Find the Erotic Elements in Everyday Life Understanding sexual Illness and Injury Sex and Physical Handicaps Trying “The Lifestyle” (Learning to Swing) How to Increase the Passion in Your Marriage Understanding Eros and Thanatos How to Develop Your Sexual Communication Skills How to Give Great Oral Sex What You Should Know About Dominatrixes What You Should Know About Prostitutes How to Seduce the Lover of Your Dreams How to Lose Your Virginity Premature Ejaculation Different Sexual Positions for Different Pleasures Sexual Anatomy Lesson How to Deal with Extra-Marital Affairs Your Own or Your Partner’s How to Explore Your Feminine Side How to Explore Your Masculine Side Using Your Sexuality to Enhance Your Creativity Why Women Should Explore Phone Sex How to Explore Your Submissive Side How to Explore Your Dominant Side How to Find a Woman’s G–Spot How to Find a Man’s P–Spot How to Female Ejaculate How to Help Your Partner Experience Female Ejaculation Tantric Sex Techniques Pornography Issues How to Meet Mr. or Ms. Right How to Deal with Your Sexual Feelings toward Your Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, Children, Next-Door-Neighbor, Co-Worker, Boss, Employee, Student, Teacher, Sister-in-Law, Brother-in-Law, Cousin, Aunt, Uncle or Other Inappropriate Object of Your Desire How to Recover from Incest Trauma How to Recover from Rape, Molestation and Other Negative Sexual Experiences How to Use Sex Toys How to Explore the Loss of Control Sex and the Stock Market Holiday Blues/Holiday Sex How to Break Away from a Toxic Lover How to Forget a Lost Love Advertising for Love in the Classifieds and on the Internet Gender Issues Sex and Age Bisexuality Sex and Drugs Sex and Anti-Depressants Sex and Aphrodisiacs Dressing for Sex Undressing for Sex Sexercise for Sexual Health Circumcision Issues How to Conquer Your Sexual Phobias Finding the Pleasure in Your Life How to Share Sex Toys with Your Partner Sexual Meditation Erotic Relaxation Techniques How to be an Ethical Hedonist How to Practice the Bonobo Way of Peace through Pleasure

Erotic Pleasures Pure and Uncensored PHONE SEX Straight Phone Sex Lesbian Phone Sex Gay Phone Sex Bisexual Phone Sex Transsexual Phone Sex Threesome Phone Sex Cuckold Phone Sex Orgasmic Phone Sex Bukkake Phone Sex Kinky Phone Sex Intelligent Phone Sex Sensuous Phone Sex Romantic Phone Sex Personalized Phone Sex Strip Tease Hot Girls Masturbation Fantasy Roleplay Hot Chat Fellatio Cunnilingus Fingering Hot Sexual Intercourse Doggy Style Woman on Top Missionary Position Analingus (rimming) Anal Sex Goddess Worship Sadomasochism Bondage & Discipline Phone Bondage Swinging Dressing Up Abduction Fantasy Medical Fantasy Smoking Intruder Fantasy Leather Latex Lady Boys Rubber Fur Foot Fetish Water Sports Female Ejaculation Frottage Erotic Teasing Nipple Play Crossdressing Spanking Catfight Fantasy Domination Surrender Hot Dirty Nasty Talk Romance Lingerie Play High Heels Boots Stockings Pantyhose She-Male Fantasy Panties Jealousy Fantasies Underwater Sex Vibrator Play Dildo Play Butt Plug Play Group Sex Fantasy Slave Training Cuckold Fantasy Presidential Sex Genital Torture Exhibitionism and Voyeurism Cannibal Fantasy Satanic Fantasy Infantile Fantasy Shoe Worship Interracial Sex Playing Doctor Beach Party Consensual Gangbang Celebrity Fantasy Girl Next Door Boy Next Door Horny Housewife Next Door Mother Fantasy Father Fantasy Childhood Fantasy Teenage Fantasy Rape Fantasy Hermaphrodite Fantasy Orgy Corsetry Muscle Woman Pregnant Fantasy Menage a Trois Flagellation Cum Fetish AutoFellatio Fantasy Felching Fantasy Food and Sex Shaved Genitals Shaved Bodies Animal Sex Fantasies Golden Showers Brown Showers Erotic Enemas Fisting Wet on Wet Queening Gag Fantasy Piercing Wrestling Fantasies Tantric Sex Play Weight Training Sensory Deprivation Sensory Enhancement Tickling Science Fiction Fantasies Vampire Fantasies Incest Fantasies Bondage Fantasies Nurse Fantasies Tattoos Small Breasts Big Breasts Big Nipples Big Buns Beautiful Buns Tiny Tummy Big Tummy Pregnant Tummy Long Legs Shaved Vulva Hairy Vulva Big Penis Small Penis Big Balls Slut Training Shaved Penis and Balls Threesomes Block Party Multiple Orgasm Love Fantasy much, much more!

by Dr. Susan Block

What's your favorite secret sexual fantasy, the one you never talk about that always turns you on?  Your fantasies are always with you, playing hide-and-seek with your perceived realities, whispering wild ideas into your inner ear, showing movies in your mind, stirring your passions mysteriously, yet so powerfully. If you are imprisoned in any way--by your work, your family, your education, your religion, your government--your fantasies become your freedom. Sometimes your ability to fantasize is the only freedom you have.

Erotic Fantasy is the G-Spot of Your Mind

Where does fantasy end and reality begin? The English philosopher John Richter said, "Fantasy rules over two-thirds of the universe, the past and the future, while reality is confined to the present."

Fantasy--the original “theater of the mind”--makes up a huge portion of human consciousness. Memory, as it filters through the mind's eye, is a kind of fantasy that gazes backward, into the past. Hope, anticipation, fear and ambition are fantasies that look toward the future. Our sexuality is fueled by fantasies of the past and the future, as well as “pure” fantasies--wild dreams that never happened and that you never really want to have happen--that haunt and stimulate you like a kinky parallel universe.

A sexual fantasy can be a long, complicated story, a quick mental flash of erotic imagery or something in between. Whatever form it takes, it arouses your sexual feelings. As such, your favorite fantasy is the G-spot of your mind.

Experts agree that sexual fantasies are important, powerful and pervasive. But they can’t agree on much more about them. For every study that concludes that women or men fantasize one way, there’s another that concludes the opposite. If you look hard enough, you can find a study to prove any theory about sexual fantasies and another one to disprove it. Maybe this is because it is very difficult to measure fantasies except through questionnaires, and it is so easy and tempting to lie on questionnaires, especially when it comes to opening up about our deepest, darkest, most embarrassing, secret, sexual fantasies. Therefore, I will not use many studies to justify my points here. As a sex therapist with one of the largest private practices in the world and a sex-oriented radio and TV talk show host for over two decades, as well as an erotically-married woman for almost 18 years, I base my observations on my own professional and personal experience, which I believe is as good a “study” on fantasy as any.

Before we discuss where your secret fantasies come from and whether or not to share them with anyone, let’s take a look at some of the most common ones...

The Perfect Lover

The most popular sexual fantasies among men and women involve images of sex with a passionate, attractive, exciting partner who will do whatever you want, even if that means dominating you. Your Perfect Lover could be someone you know; it could even be your real-life partner. It could be someone you saw in class or at work but never talk to, a celebrity with whom you feel a connection, or a complete stranger you happened to face for two intense minutes in a crowded elevator. It could be someone that would be your ideal mate, if only you could be together. Or it could be someone very taboo: a relative, your best friend’s spouse, a MILF, a “bad” boy or girl, someone of whom you know your family would disapprove. Perfect Lovers run the gamut, but the universal characteristic is that you find this person irresistible and extremely satisfying, at least in fantasy.

Even very traditional ladies who prefer romance to porn enjoy the fantasy of the Perfect Lover. While such a scenario might involve nothing more than kissing, Perfect Lover fantasies can entail sexual intercourse in every position. Oral sex (giving or receiving) is a big favorite, followed by manual sex, anal sex (giving or receiving) and mutual masturbation. In addition to these basic physical sex acts, there are many other types of sex about which you might fantasize, especially if you feel deprived of a particular favorite activity. Your Perfect Lover will never deprive you…unless you have a deprivation fetish.

One popular variation on the Perfect Lover is what I call “Some Enchanted Evening”: sex with a sexy stranger. It’s not that I’m recommending sex with a real-life stranger, at least not without sheathing your body in a suit of latex armor, the shining armor of the knight of the 21st century, but the fantasy of sex with an exciting, attractive stranger is a delightful aphrodisiac that many women and men enjoy. One of the reasons these kinds of lovers are “perfect” is that you don’t know them at all.

It’s even more common to fantasize about your real-life lover, who may not be perfect, but must be pretty hot and is certainly familiar and easy enough to conjure up in the erotic theater of your mind. But because it’s a secret sexual fantasy, you might imagine something different than the usual. Maybe you fantasize that your real-life lover is aggressive even though he or she is usually passive, or that the two of you are being watched, or perhaps you imagine yourself watching your lover have sex with someone else. This brings us to the next most popular type of fantasy…

Two Perfect Lovers—Or More!

Double your pleasure, double your fun; sex with two lovers is more fun than one! The threesome is another very common sexual fantasy. It’s often associated with the male erotic imagination, and it’s certainly one of the most widespread male fantasies, invoking images of double-wived patriarchs and the pleasures of the harem. But women are catching up as it becomes more acceptable for us to admit we’d like to be with two hot men at once, or perhaps a man and another woman.

The male standard is sex with two women, of course--often a girlfriend and another lady. This sort of ménage à trois fantasy is flattering to your erotic ego and gives you a sex-educational glimpse into the secrets of lesbian sex. Of course, these are not man-hating lesbians; in fact, they love your penis!

More and more men now also confess that they fantasize about having a threesome with a woman and another man. The level of imagined physical intimacy can run the gamut from barely touching the man while you both focus on the woman all the way to the two men having intense sex while the woman simply watches or “directs.” You might also imagine watching the other man have his sexual way with your woman, with you as the “cuckold,” creating what I call the “sperm wars” effect, a competitive rise in your sperm count that arouses you even if you feel jealous and insecure.

Threesome fantasies can be so vivid, especially if one of the partners is your real-life lover, that many people try breathing life into them. The resulting reality spans from having a beautiful experience which enhances your relationship, as well as your sense of your sexual self, to an awful, awkward incident that hurts everyone involved. One thing is certain: Everything in any fantasy is “perfect” as far as your libido is concerned. Reality, however, is not quite so in tune with what turns you on, let alone what turns on your real-life partner or the third party.

A threesome can become an orgy, which is another common sexual fantasy. One way to keep sexual monogamy from becoming monotony is to maintain an active fantasy life with as many different partners as you can imagine. I happen to have a personal soft spot for real-life orgies, holding them regularly at my Institute, giving me and everyone here not just the chance to live out a common fantasy, but the opportunity to experience real-life communal ecstasy. But that’s the subject of another bloggamy and another Master’s Tea. Back to fantasy…

Bisexual Fantasies

Sometimes when you imagine a threesome with someone of the same sex, it’s a prelude to fantasizing about a more intimate, same-sex twosome. Or maybe the third opposite sex lover is just there for show, to “guide” or even “force” the two same-gender lovers to play with each other. Or maybe your erotic theater of the mind will just combine the male and female into one and imagine sex with a pre-op transsexual or shemale.

This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re truly gay, though it could. It more often means you’re truly bisexual, which I believe most of us are, and that your fantasy life is making up for what you repress in your real life. Just because you fantasize about having sex with someone of your gender doesn’t mean you ought to do it. Same sex fantasies can signify a lot of different things for people who lead mostly straight real lives--from seeking personal validation to breaking societal taboos.

It’s funny; it used to be much more taboo for women to admit to any kind of fantasies, except the kind revolving around love and “bodice-rippers,” a.k.a. romance novels. But now that more women are creating porn and erotica, making it more romantic--that is, story and character-driven--younger women are unabashedly eating it up. Modern ladies also seem to have an easier time accepting their bi-curious fantasies than most men do. There are various sociopolitical, cultural, psychological and physical reasons for this. Women know that most men are turned on by two women together, whereas it’s still a rare, very open-minded woman who enjoys two men together. Our society is more homophobic than lesbian-phobic. Then there are the real-life, physical risks which tend to be greater between men, since penetration is more often involved, than between women.

When fantasizing about sex with another female, most women imagine the other woman’s whole body: her breasts, buns, hair, lips (both pairs), clitoris, soft skin, seductive eyes, etc. When men fantasize about other men, they tend to focus on one part: the penis. Usually, they envision a big one. So Freud was wrong about “penis envy.” Women don’t have it; men do. At least, a lot of men do. Certainly, Freud himself did.

Even, perhaps especially, the outwardly homophobic male has gay fantasies. Why do you think a guy like that is so scared of gays “converting” straight men? Because in his fantasies, that’s exactly what happens: a hugely endowed male dominates him, forcing him to have sex—usually giving oral or taking anal--and he likes it, at least in fantasy (again, this doesn’t necessarily mean he’s truly gay). Masters & Johnson reported that heterosexuals often fantasize about homosexual encounters and vice versa, more often reflecting curiosity and other impulses than the desire to change the gender of one's real-life lovers. Norman Mailer went so far as to say that “There is probably no sensitive heterosexual alive who is not preoccupied with his latent homosexuality.” I would add “at some point in his life,” since such desires come and go.

Our society tends to make things black or white, good or bad, male or female, heterosexual or homosexual. But the human sexual imagination is most definitely bisexual, even what you might call omnisexual. When Edna St. Vincent Millay went to a doctor for her headaches, he suggested they might stem from “an occasional erotic impulse toward a person of [her] own sex.”

“Oh, you mean I’m homosexual?” Millay responded, “Of course, I am, and heterosexual too, but what’s that got to do with my headache?” Maybe that’s what the Pulitzer-prize-winning poet and Vassar girl meant when she wrote “my candle burns at both ends.”

Men are not from Mars, women are not from Venus. We’re all from the same beautiful, wild, sexual planet Earth, and we’re far more alike than we are different. Dr. Alfred Kinsey was among the first to show that we’re all on a bisexual continuum with absolute heterosexuals on one end and absolute homosexuals on the other end. Very few of us fall at one extreme or the other. That doesn’t mean we like both sexes equally at all times. It just means most of us can potentially, under the right circumstances (boarding school, prison, a desert island, etc.), with the right person (the Perfect Lover), be aroused by either gender. Certainly, we can, and often do, enjoy being “bi” in fantasy.

Surrender and Power Trips

Power and surrender, or “dominance and submission” (D/s) fantasies are quite common among both men and women. They seem to be gaining in popularity, but they're even older than the human race, probably flowing through the erotic minds of our bonobo and chimpanzee cousins. They can be crude or romantic, marvelous or dangerous. D/s fantasies may involve sadomasochism (S/M), bondage and discipline (B/D), an imagined abduction, a fantasy “rape,” spanking, whipping, tickling, torture, teasing, body worship and a host of other activities that may or may not entail actual sexual intercourse. In D/s fantasies, being “bad”--whether you are the nasty Dom or the naughty sub--feels really good. It’s another trick of the imagination that turns the “good” status quo on its head in order to turn you on.

It’s easy to understand why people enjoy dominating others. Power is a rush, especially in fantasy. You get to do whatever you want to the sex object of your dreams. What more could you desire? Many people pursue physical power over others in real life, often entering political, police or military careers. Others prefer to go on their power trips in their erotic imagination. Traditionally, “domination” is considered a male fantasy, probably most popular among young men who are relatively powerless in real-life society, even though they have testosterone-pumping energy to spare. But more and more women say they enjoy the fantasy of being dominant, “on top,” wielding a whip or even sprouting a penis (okay, Freud was right about some women) or other penetrative “weapon,” perhaps wearing a strap-on dildo in real-life sex.

But why do people long to submit? It’s certainly not all Stockholm Syndrome. As a therapist, I hear many more fantasies of submission than dominance, from both men and women. That’s partly because private therapy is expensive, and the men and women who can afford it tend to be successful professionals who dominate others in real life. Nature seeks a balance, often finding it through our fantasy life, making otherwise dominant people long to surrender, to be overwhelmed by someone else’s passion and power. In their erotic imaginations, and sometimes in a real-life role-playing session with a dominatrix, they surrender control for a brief period in their busy, power-packed day or week. They take a mini vacation from real life stress and the responsibility of being in charge, perhaps a time trip back into a childhood or adolescence under someone else’s control. Since society puts so much pressure on us to achieve--and achieving is hard work--deep in our secret erotic imaginations, many high-achievers long to surrender.

But there’s another, even more pervasive reason many people eroticize and even become addicted to submission: guilt. Forced surrender allows you to do something sexual without it being your “fault,” absolving you of guilt, at least in fantasy. No one likes to be raped in real life, of course, but the rape fantasy is extremely popular, as long as it’s being perpetrated by someone attractive. Usually, your fantasy rapist is a kind of Perfect Lover, someone you would actually be thrilled to have sex with in real life. But, in a rape fantasy, you give yourself the additional pleasure of resistance and the absolution of innocence (it’s the rapist’s fault, not yours!). Though, of course, it is your fantasy mind that creates the rapist and everything he or she does. For obvious reasons, the rape fantasy is most common among sexually repressed “good girls” and outwardly conservative men. It’s also an ego-boost to the sexually insecure, as it allows you to feel extremely desirable, so much so that your rapist finds you impossible to resist.

Whether you are being raped, ravished, abducted, tied up, spanked, teased, forced to dress like a slut or led around on a leash as the slave of a powerful, sexy Master or Mistress, in a submission fantasy, you get to be made to do or get what you secretly desire. So a foot fetishist will be “made” to worship feet, the nipple masochist “forced” to suffer extra painful nipple clamps and the panty lover “ordered” to put on the mistress’ knickers. Dominant/submissive scenarios may involve master/slave, goddess/supplicant, rapist/victim, boss/employee, teacher/student, parent/child, john/hooker, doctor/patient or guard/prisoner.

Men and women probably fantasize with equal passion about sexual surrender. But it’s still more socially acceptable for women (even feminist women) than it is for men, so men more often combine feelings of humiliation with submission. Politically incorrect as it may be, male submission fantasies often involve being dressed up in traditional, sensuous or “slutty” women’s clothes and called derogatory "sissy" names. This may or may not overlap with cross-dressing or transgender fantasies.

Keep in mind that some people have transgender fantasies that are not at all submissive; they really do feel that they were born into the body of the “wrong” gender, and their fantasies are sometimes a prelude to “becoming” the opposite sex in real-life through hormones, surgery and lifestyle changes. But very often, male transvestite fantasies aren’t about really wanting to be a woman; they’re about submission in the form of erotic degradation.

I could go on and on about the many different types of sexual surrender and submission that people enjoy. In love--as opposed to war, politics or business, where "surrender" conjures images of defeat and shame--surrender can be sweet and the ultimate, intimate fulfillment. The ancient Taoist masters said, "In yielding, there is strength." In surrender, there can be power--certainly sexual fantasy power.

Exhibitionism and Voyeurism

Another common fantasy combo is seeing and being seen, showing off and watching the show, exhibitionism and voyeurism. It’s not all visual; you can be an audio-voyeur who enjoys hearing someone talk “dirty,” and you can be an aural exhibitionist who gets off on telling your sex secrets to the world. But most exhibitionism and voyeurism is about the joy of the erotic gaze and the thrill of being gazed upon, breaking through the strong social taboo of visual privacy.

The entire porn industry is based on people’s voyeuristic desires to see otherwise forbidden images of other people engaged in sex. We love to watch. There are obviously enough people who love to be watched that there are plenty of porn stars and strippers. Those are extreme professions to be in, but in fantasy you can do it all and bare it all before thousands or in forbidden places. Marilyn Monroe is said to have had recurring dreams in which she stripped off all her clothes in a church as a stunned congregation silently worshipped her naked beauty.

With the advent of reality shows, erotic blogs and obsessive, sexy photo-posting on social networking communities, exhibitionism and voyeurism are busting through the erotic theater of the mind and into that half-way house between fantasy and reality: the media. More and more, natural exhibitionists are just making and posting their own porn, turning everyone on their “friend list” into voyeurs.

In our society, we tend to think of exhibitionism as female and voyeurism as male. After all, due to the hot politics of cold cash, most strip clubs have female performers for male customers and the great majority of straight sex magazines and websites have pictures of women for men to admire. You can post anything on the Internet but, still, women tend to be the ones who get paid for sex as a stripper, prostitute, porn star, mistress or other sexual performer. Whether this shows that women are dominant--making money doing what they already enjoy as they call their own shots--or submissive--allowing themselves to be exploited and made to do things they don’t like for the sake of money--depends on the woman. Likewise, whether “paying for it” shows that men are dominant--wealthy and powerful enough to pay and get what they want--or submissive--forced to pay because that’s the only way they’ll get what they need--depends on the man.

Most people would say the He-Pays-To-Watch-Her scenario is the natural relationship between male and female, but is it? In nature, it's usually the male of the species that's the exhibitionist, the classic example being the peacock. His sex drive programs him to strut his sexual stuff for the female who watches him voyeuristically and quite critically, deciding whether he'd make a good sex partner based largely on the beauty of his tail. Since there aren’t too many opportunities for men to sexually display themselves for women in our society, many men secretly fantasize about exhibitionism. They desperately want to show themselves off, with special emphasis on their taboo penises that are so forbidden everywhere except hardcore porn. In fact, there’s a fetish that is gaining in popularity on the Internet known by its initials CFNM: Clothed Female, Naked Male.

Animals and Angels

Your wild erotic nature may emerge in animal fantasies. Don’t worry, having animal sex fantasies doesn’t (usually) mean you want to have sex with animals in real life. You may just revel in the ultra-taboo, bestial wildness. Horses and dogs figure commonly in men’s bestiality fantasies which usually involve them submissively receiving sex from the animal or voyeuristically watching a woman engaged in sex with the animal. Female fantasies tend to involve the woman being the animal, often something in the wild “pussy” family, such as a lioness, tiger or cheetah. No wonder wildcat patterns are so popular in women’s fashion.

Of course, real-life bestiality is appalling to most people. But animal sex fantasies connect you to your animal nature, often freeing your mind from the all-too-human sexual oppression that lurks within you.

On the other end of the sexual fantasy spectrum lies the spiritual. Sacred sex. You might fantasize about an Eros angel with wings to take you flying. Dreams of flying are often considered symbols of orgasm. You might imagine a divine threesome with you, your lawfully wedded spouse and the all-embracing presence of God or the Goddess. Your sacred sex fantasies might be influenced by a religious upbringing, the Bible, the Koran, the Tao Te Ching or other spiritual teachings that elevate the sex act to something heavenly, such that you might imagine your sexual union as a cosmic merger of two souls becoming one. Religious people don’t tend to characterize their ideas about spiritual union as fantasies, but if the holy robe fits, wear it. Fantasies of sex with space aliens and superheroes go into the “angel” category, though some might be a bit more animal.

These are the most basic types of secret sexual fantasies. There are many more variations, and I’d love to hear some of yours. But first let’s answer a few fundamental questions about sexual fantasy, where it comes from and where it can take you.

Where Do Fantasies Come From?

Your fantasies begin in the cradle, perhaps even in the womb. By the time you reach your teens, they get really intense. Many of your erotic fantasies stem from early memories, the first images you find arousing. If for no other reason than constant proximity, these images often come through interactions with family: your mother's lingerie hanging on the clothesline, your father spanking you, catching your sister naked in the bathroom, your brother wrestling you to the ground. That's one reason why incest fantasies of all kinds are so common. But don't worry; just having incest fantasies doesn't mean you've ever really had incest or ever will.

It’s true that real-life incest victims and perpetrators tend to be preoccupied by such imagery, often arising from traumatic memories. But most people who have incest fantasies have never acted on them. Oedipus complex, anyone? Freud may have been off on penis envy, but he was right on the money shot when he theorized that Oedipus and Electra, Mommy and Daddy complexes, and other types of terribly taboo incest fantasies permeate the secret spaces of many of our erotic minds.

Of course, the family is not the only source of secret sexual fantasy. You might pick up images from friends, neighbors and school experiences, as well as from your favorite fairy tales, movies, TV shows and popular music, not to mention Internet porn. These early images are very powerful, because they impress themselves upon you when you're very impressionable. They become blueprints for your desire, repeating themselves in your memories and activating your imagination, infusing your natural sexuality with meaning and excitement. They alternately confuse, excite, please, comfort and torment you. And they become secret sexual fantasies.

Your erotic fantasies might be influenced by aspects of your early years that aren’t so obviously sexual. We human beings are masters at finding silver linings in black clouds, and we often do this through the “magic” of sexual fantasy. For instance, if you were very sick as a child and confined to bed, you might go on to fantasize about bondage or sensory deprivation. If you were abused or bullied when you were small, then later in life you might turn being bullied into something pleasurable and fantasize about erotic submission or humiliation. On the other hand, your fantasy mind might rather turn the tables on reality and eroticize domination.

What Are Fantasies Good For?

Sexual fantasies can be keys that unlock the doors of your repressed personal history. They can help you to cope with your real-life problems, just as your dreams do, though they tend to do it when you’re awake. They can help you work through past trauma or abuse, operating like an erotic painkiller on negative, hurtful memories. Of course, that can lead to other problems, such as wanting to act out the fantasy and perpetrate the abuse that you experienced onto someone else. But it doesn’t have to. Sexual fantasies and erotic dreams, especially when accompanied by orgasm and perspective (not necessarily in that order), can help to release the stress and trauma of the past. They can also help you relive good sexual memories. You appreciate this benefit of fantasy more as you get older. And no, you don’t have to act out anything in real life; you can keep your secret sexual fantasies and memories locked up in your mind for safekeeping.

But fantasies aren’t just about the past. They can also prepare you for the future. Fantasies can be hazy or detailed rehearsals in the erotic theater of the mind for sexual acts you haven't yet experienced. That’s probably a pretty common use of fantasy at Yale, or on any college campus. Just as athletes imagine playing and winning the Big Game before it actually happens, so you might imagine seducing or being seduced by your Perfect Lover before the Big Date--or the Big Hook-Up. Some Casanovas and Cleopatras combine fantasy with strategy to entice any partner they desire. This is part of the Mystery method that Matador represented at Sex Week at Yale in 2008. If you can dream it, you can do it.

On the other hand, your secret sexual fantasies can trip you up. Fantasies can be very perverse, enhancing your insecurity, even as they arouse your passions. If you tend to fantasize about being humiliated by people you desire, then you might have a hard time--so to speak--psyching yourself up in a positive way for a date with someone you’d like to impress.

Understandably, people often would like to get rid of troublesome fantasies. Maybe they fantasize about being embarrassed when they’d like to be confident, or having gay sex when they’d like to be straight, or doing their partner’s sister when they’d like to focus on their partner. But deleting a secret sexual fantasy from your mental hard drive is much easier said than done. In fact, it really can’t be done. Very often, the harder you try to banish a bad fantasy from your head, the more insidiously it will wrap itself around your every thought and feeling. You simply can’t control your fantasies, at least no better than you can control your dreams.

But your fantasies don’t have to control you either. Just because you imagine doing some crazy, kinky thing doesn’t mean you have to do it. You can’t control what you imagine. But you can, more or less, control what you do in real life. So don’t make like the Thought Police and bust yourself for your fantasies! Hold yourself accountable for your actions, not your thoughts. Your favorite, secret, sexual fantasy is a gift you can’t return, though sometimes, with time, it fades.

To Share or Not to Share?

Make friends with your fantasies. Don’t vainly attempt to control them, and maybe they won’t take control of you. Then you can use them as safe outlets for dark, naughty or forbidden desires that you can’t, or wouldn’t, want to live out--perhaps because you know that doing so would hurt you or someone you love. For some people, fantasies are great mental sex toys, interactive mind-movies, playgrounds for the libido. We grow up playing as children, but gradually all our games become serious and there’s very little playtime left in our adult lives. The erotic theater of the mind is a place for you to play. Do try to play safe, though that’s not always as simple as it sounds.

What about sharing? Opening up about otherwise secret sexual fantasies with your partner can make lovemaking more exciting. Sharing fantasies isn’t usually necessary when you first have sex together. So much is new in reality, your mind doesn’t have to go much farther than the present moment for stimulation. But after a while, when you’re in a long-term relationship, you get to know each other’s bodies so well that your mind is bound to drift…into fantasy. After all, there are only so many physical positions into which you can bend your bodies, but there is an endless array of mind-games you can play, or role-play. On the other hand, your secret sexual fantasy could hurt, anger, scare or disgust your lover. One person’s fantasy is another’s nightmare.

So, to share or not to share? It really depends on you, your partner and the fantasy. In other words: proceed with caution. Take baby steps…

If you've never shared a fantasy with your lover, and you'd like to try, start by sharing a memory, a thrilling erotic experience you actually had together. Reminisce about it in bed, then embellish the memory by imagining something that could have made the experience even more exciting. You can also stimulate the sharing of fantasies by reading or looking at erotica together. Be poetic, be explicit, be romantic, be outrageous, be honest, but be sensitive. Try tossing out small parts of your secret fantasies like test balloons; if it floats, keep embellishing; if you can see it sinking by your partner’s negative reaction, switch gears. It’s risky business, but nothing great in life comes without taking a chance. If you can share your fantasies with your lover, you can get to know each other deeply, weaving powerful strands of feeling into the fabric of your relationship, blending fantasies with memories and ever-expanding possibilities.

Your secret sexual fantasies evolve and change as you do. Of course, it’s your prerogative to keep them a secret. But if they haunt, obsess or hurt you in some way, it might be a good idea to share them with a sex therapist, if not your lover. Troublesome fantasies discussed and explored in a safe, enlightening but nonjudgmental manner tend to lose some of their obsessive, dangerous qualities. Sharing difficult, recurring fantasies with a good therapist might help you to put them in perspective, reducing their negative power over you, so you can make friends with your fantasies and learn to use them to release stress and come to terms with the many layers of your sexuality.

Need to Talk PRIVATELY about Your Secret Sexual Fantasies? Call The Dr. Susan Block Institute at 213-291-9497