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SPANKING for DUMMIES :-)

How to Spank & Get Spanked Your First Time

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10 Steps to Receiving Your First Erotic Adult Spanking

  • Make Sure You Want to Get Spanked
    Ask yourself: Am I getting spanked because I really want to, or is somebody talking me into it? It’s okay if someone you trust respectfully encourages you to experience spanking, but if you feel coerced into something you don’t want, stop right there, get off your hands and knees, grab your keys and go home. Even if it turns you on to be very submissive, you should only receive a spanking because YOU want to get spanked.
  • Make Sure Your Partner Wants to Spank You
    In any BDSM play, it’s mostly about what the subbie wants, but the dominant partner’s needs and capabilities are important too. Does your potential spanker really want to give you the spanking you crave? They should be as excited about it as you—or at least, happy to give it a go, since it’s what you want. On the other hand, if they are wary or fearful, due to the past trauma of being spanked as a child, or if they just can’t get past the idea that spanking is “hitting,” and that even if it’s consensual, it’s “wrong”… then maybe this isn’t the perfect spanker for you. To learn how your potential spanker really feels about spanking, communication is key. Body language speaks volumes, but nothing beats (pun intended) asking “How do you feel about erotic adult spanking?”—perhaps in reference to an Internet post, our magazine or a “dream” you just had. Really listen to what they have to say, whether you like it or not. Be patient. Stay positive! You will find the happy spanker of your naughty dreams, or they will find you.
  • Who Are You? Want to Roleplay?
    Now that you know you’re happy and your partner’s happy, ask yourself: “Would I rather make believe that I’m unhappy?” That is, do you want your spanking to be a pretend punishment for being “bad” or “naughty,” or are you simply interested in exploring percussive posterior sensations? Do you imagine that you are a pouting brat, a tearful hostage, a naughty student, a disciplined slave, a tantric initiate, a cosplay superhero getting smacked by the villain, or are you “just you” being spanked erotically for the first time? Sometimes it’s easier to enjoy yourself when you “let your self go” and “play” an imaginary “role.”  Then again, it might be better to just be yourself or, if you trust your partner and they’ve got creative roleplay ideas that excite you, go with their flow.
  • Prepare Yourself & Your Gear
    Whatever your spanking role in this play, it’s time to clean up your act! Unless your spanker requests a dirty spankee (literally), make sure your tushy and all surrounding areas are clean and fresh. This is a good idea, even if you plan to keep your pants on, since sometimes a sound spanking can bring out the body fluids, which is a good thing… unless you didn’t wash. What about wardrobe? Wear something you find sexy and spankable, perhaps a costume that fits your roleplay. A skirt to pull up and/or panties to pull down are all-time favorites. Some first-time spankees want the security of full coverage pants or pantyhose; others enjoy being stripped and shaved bare for maximum feeling and exposure. Whatever you prefer, prepare yourself accordingly. Though it’s usually the spanker’s responsibility to provide props for this play, if you have a certain special paddle, hairbrush or book (Bonobo Way, anyone?) with which you’d like to be spanked, bring it.
  • What’s Your Safe Word & What are Your Ground
    How far do you want to go? Think and talk about your “ground rules” before you start. Your spanking may happen spontaneously, and there’s nothing wrong with that as long as it’s consensual. Isn’t it great when it “just happens”? Of course, but that doesn’t make a planned spanking inferior. In fact, in many ways, it can be better. Think about what kind of spanking you’d like and what you definitely wouldn’t like and tell your partner. Now’s also the time to establish boundaries and confess any medical conditions that could be affected by a sound spanking. Pick a safeword, and don’t be afraid to use it. A safeword should make it clear that you want the spanking to stop and stop now. Of course, you could say “stop,” but you might prefer a different word, so you can enjoy moaning “stop!” in character, but your spanker won’t stop… until you use that safeword. One popular choice is “red,” though lately, a lot of submissives are choosing the safeword “Donald Trump” to indicate that they’ve had enough.
  • Assume the Position
    There’s no rule that says you can’t change position, mid-spanking, and a degree of discomfort can make your spanking pleasantly kinky. However, this being your First Spanking, you should start out as comfortable as possible. After all, this should be a pain in the butt, not the neck. Consider both physical and emotional comfort, as well as roleplay factors, when choosing whether to go Over the Knee (OTK), over a piece of furniture (bed, couch, chair, desk or table, to name a few), up against the wall or standing spread-eagled tied to a St. Andrew’s Cross. You might also consider your spanker’s comfort, especially if they are older, smaller than you or physically challenged. But this is your First Spanking, so mainly consider your comforts. Once you’ve chosen a position, assume it as fully as possible, showing off that derriere, arching that back, maybe twerk that ass or keep it perfectly still—whatever arouses you and your spanker.
  • Start Soft
    Let your spanker know you’d like to start nice and easy, rather than hard and crazy. You can always go harder later, but you need a “warm-up” both physically (like with any form of exertion that “hurts so good”) and emotionally (spanking can bring up very deep feelings). This is mostly your spanker’s responsibility, but it’s your ass, so if you’re not sure they know how to start, tell them: Start softly, and go harder if and when you ask for it…. maybe even beg for it! This should be one of your Ground Rules, so you don’t have to “break character” once you get spanking. And if your spanker starts off too hard anyway, use that safeword.
  • If You Like It, Be Encouraging. If You Don’t, Communicate.
    Now that your spanking is underway, enjoy it! If all is going well, take a deep breath, and let yourself really fully experience that amazing spanking feeling all through your body. Don’t neglect to share the good news with your partner who, if they’re any good at this, is paying close attention to your responses as they spank. If you like it, don’t be too shy to moan, sigh or squeal in a positive way, or just say “I like it.” What if you don’t like it? Use your safe word and communicate this to your partner. Don’t suffer in silence (that’s the wrong kind of suffering!). If your spanker complains that you are “topping from the bottom,” you might want to politely get up off their lap and find another spanker who will respect you.
  • Enjoy Sub Space
    Are you enjoying your spanking? Congratulations! If you’d like more and harder, you can encourage your spanker to give it to you through your moans, squeals and saying “Oh yes!” You could even “beg” them for it. As the spanking heats up, if you feel you can trust your partner, you might relax and go into “sub space,” an altered state of bliss induced by submission to skillfully administered spanking, your endorphins rising to counteract the pain. Be careful, don’t fall off that lap now, but do enjoy your spanking experience. It can be a therapeutic treatment that’s as healing as a good massage. You might even have an orgasm, a “spankgasm.”
  • Take After-Care
    Whether you think you need it or not, after a good spanking—or especially after a bad one—you need after-care. Make sure your spanker understands this, so they will tend your wounded butt, get you a drink or a snack or just hold you and let you talk about your feelings. Or maybe you want them to admire your reddened ass as your show off their handiwork. If it’s a good spanking, you’ll definitely want after-care from your spanker, building trust and intimacy so that the next spanking will be even better. If it’s not so good, you might need to get away and get after-care from someone else. After-care is mostly for the spankee, but very often, the spanker also needs a form of “after-care,” in that they want and need to know that you’re okay, that the “terrible” spanking they just gave you was actually very nice. So give thanks for their good spanking in some way! If not right then and there because you’re just too overcome with emotion, then later. If you’re really not okay, let them know, with love, so they can improve their spanking sensitivity and abilities, with you or their next partner. Whether it was good or bad, don’t make any sudden moves after a spanking. Certainly don’t get spanked and drive; your blood count may be alcohol-free, but you might still be “drunk” on sub space.

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10 Steps to GIVING Your First Erotic Adult Spanking

  • Make Sure You’re Ready to Give a Spanking
    You’re in charge, right? Well, yes, you’re the one doing the spanking, but if this is your First Time, you need to be in the right frame of mind. Even if you’re not sure if you’ll like it, you should want to give it a try. Nobody can physically make you spank them, but a wily submissive might manipulate you into giving a spanking you don’t want to give. This could trigger bad memories of being spanked or otherwise abused as a child, making it traumatic for you, making you feel fearful or angry. Do NOT spank someone in anger. If you’re angry, you need to cool off or talk, not spank. Erotic adult spanking should not be an outlet for your anger or a real punishment for so-called wrongdoing, and it certainly shouldn’t be abusive or disrespectful. It should be a mutual recreational pleasure… with a little bit of pain.
  • Make Sure Your Partner Wants You to Spank Them
    Now that you know you want to give a spanking, make sure your intended spankee wants to receive one… from you! This is a little trickier than Step 1, so you’ll need to communicate, usually with words, though not necessarily. For instance, if you’re already in a sexual relationship, you can try adding a little spank or two to your usual repertoire of caresses and squeezes, and see how your partner reacts. If they squeal or moan in a positive way or, better yet, if they say, “I like that!” you know you can go farther. You don’t have to draw up a spanking contract; if you’re already having sex, you can just add spanking slowly and organically. On the other hand, if you’d like to spank a friend, co-worker or acquaintance, you may need a contract. Seriously, make sure to get full, sober consent for whatever you want to do, for both of your sakes. Don’t skimp on this step! Consent is sexy.
  • Who Are You? Just Yourself or Roleplaying?
    Having confirmed consent, consider how you envision yourself giving a spanking. As a classic spanking master or mistress in leather or latex? Or are you more of a domestic disciplinarian, a CIA interrogator, an avenging superhero, a demanding boss, a paddle-wielding gym teacher or Stormy Daniels spanking Trump’s rump with a Forbes? Then again, you might just rather be your simple spanking hot self. When in doubt, ask your spankee what they’d like you to be, and try that role on for size. Do a little research, such as reading spanking erotica or watching videos in your spankee’s preferred genre, and let their desires mix with your imagination.
  • Prepare Yourself & Your Stuff
    You might like to be a dirty Dom, but you should clean your body, if not your mind, for the occasion. A manicure is a nice touch; nobody wants to be spanked by filthy, unkempt fingernails. Dress or undress according to your character and your spankee’s preference. You want them to submit to your spanking, and the right outfit—whether leather, latex, lingerie, suit, costume or uniform—can be an essential ingredient. Part of your preparation should be to learn how to spank properly. Ideally, you will have received a few spankings before giving one so you know what it’s like. You could also take spanking lessons so you learn where the “sweet spots” are (the lower, fleshy parts of the butt) and what to avoid (the kidneys). Have a medical kit nearby, just in case. Prepare some spanking implements, a paddle, crop, whip or flogger. Test your tools on yourself before using them on anyone else. Even if you plan to just use your hand, your partner might have a tougher hide than you realize, and your palm or wrist may give out before their derrière does. Make plans as best you can, but the best laid plans may not get you laid the way you planned. Be flexible, and always have a Plan B.
  • Establish the Ground Rules & “Safe Word”
    Giving your regular partner a few spanks on the butt during sex doesn’t require too many “rules” except to start light and pay close attention to their reactions. Doggystyle or Cowgirl are great positions for the penetrator to spank the penetratee, as the butt is most accessible to the penetrator. On the other hand, Missionary is the optimal position for the penetratee to spank the penetrator, spurring them on to thrust harder. If you do it spontaneously without formally asking, don’t neglect to ask later how your partner felt about it. If you aren’t in a sexual relationship, you’ll need more ground rules. Most of these should come from the spankee, but you might have a few rules yourself. If your partner is shy, draw them out and help them to establish sound boundaries. Find out if they have any medical conditions that might affect your spanking. Make sure your partner has a safe word; “Red,” “Blue,” “Trump,” “Popcorn”—whatever it is, note it, respect it and stop everything if they say it.
  • Assume the Position
    Now you’re ready to spank. Woohoo! Help your spankee find a comfortable position that is also good for you. This could be Over-the-Knee (OTK), bent across the desk (or any sturdy piece of furniture) or standing up against the wall, legs spread, back arched. Consider how you will get the best leverage for maximum impact control. Size could be a factor; if your spankee is considerably bigger than you, OTK might be awkward, and over the couch a better “fit.” After confirming consent, you might adjust their position or outfit more to your liking and for easy accessibility. As you do this, you can heighten the anticipation by explaining how or why you are going to give the spankee a good spanking. Little by little, you are taking charge of their ass.
  • Start Soft, Explore, Pay Attention
    Do NOT come on swinging like a slugger in a boxing match. Start with soft taps, especially if you are bigger and stronger than the spankee. Accept the possibility that you may not know your own strength and take it slow. You can always go harder as they “beg for it.” Be sure to start with the buns. There are many parts of the body that could respond well to a spanking—the boobs, the genitals, the backs of the legs—but it’s best to begin with the bottom. God, the Goddess or Natural Selection seems to have “made” the lower, meatier part of the buttocks for spanking. Cup your hand as you spank for more resounding but less painful impact. In between smacks, caress and fondle the butt. You can even kiss that ass. You might also play with the spankee’s genitals or pull their hair—very lightly, to begin—if they like that. Spank lightly, explore and pay close attention to their vocalizations and body language. Let them be your guide
  • Go Harder & Faster… Gradually
    Congrats! If you’ve gotten to this Step, you’re doing pretty well as a first-time spanker. Now you have the challenge of upping the impact play without overdoing it. When in doubt, go back to light and soft, and for many first timers, that’s enough. But if both of you are enjoying it, you can rev things up, perhaps spanking harder, with implements, smacking body parts other than the butt or doing other things, like hair-pulling or nipple-pinching, while spanking. You might also rev up the roleplay, teasing and pleasing as you move into more dramatic, emotional areas, if it feels right. Even as you crank it up, keep it erotic by interspersing caresses and squeezes with hard spanks. Be careful not to hit the kidneys, other vital organs or the spine, and certainly don’t do anything that could cause real physical damage. And don’t worry about breaking character, if you feel you need to “check in” with your spankee’s physical or emotional state just to make sure they’re okay, even if they haven’t used their safe word. Better to be safe than so sorry you’ll never spank again!
  • Take Feedback
    As the spanker, you should frequently request feedback from your spankee, There may come a point, maybe after several spankings, where you know your spankee really well and you don’t need much feedback. Until that point, do not assume that you know how they are feeling—ever, and certainly not on your first time spanking them. If your spankee is shy and doesn’t give feedback easily, make an effort to draw them out. Whatever you do, don’t gag your spankee on your or their first foray into the wonderful, whacky world of spanking. You need to hear their feedback. If some of the feedback is critical of your spanking skills, try not to take offense or tell them they’re not submissive enough. Instead, consider it a learning experience, and your spankee is your teacher, even if they’re the one in the cheerleading skirt.
  • Give After-Care
    Always provide after-care to your spankee, whether you think they need it or not. This might entail talking—or more likely listening to them talk about how being spanked made them feel. It’s an important therapeutic release for them, but it’s also good feedback for you. After-care might also involve hugging, though if your spankee would rather not be hugged, don’t make them hug you. One fun part of after-care is checking out your handiwork on your spankee’s well-spanked bottom. Don’t skimp on the compliments if you want to spank them again. You might feel you need after-care too, after all that physical, mental and emotional exertion, so hopefully the after-care love will flow both ways. Nevertheless, it’s your responsibility as the spanker to make sure the spankee feels good and cared for, post-spanking. If you can do that, congratulations on giving your first consensual erotic adult spanking! With hopefully, more to come….

Need to Talk PRIVATELY about Spanking?
Call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime at 213.291.9497.
We’re here for you.

ORGASM

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It’s all about the orgasm.

Well, maybe not all. There are other important aspects to good sex: sensuality, intimacy, humor, consent, creativity, openness, communication, love. But for many people, orgasm—yours and your lover(s)—tends to be the high point of a sexual experience.

Orgasm might just be the peak of our very existence. That’s why we also call it a “climax.” It’s certainly considered by many to be the most pleasurable thing we can enjoy. That thrumming rush of endorphins as it builds via foreplay, teasing and erotic tension, the electric thrill, the ultimate eruption and release, accompanied by intensely pleasurable, rhythmic muscle contractions in the pelvis and sometimes throughout the body, as well as in the mind, ecstasy enveloping your entire being, sometimes making you feel that you “lose” your body… or your mind. You might also feel like you’re floating through space or hurtling through time into infinity, a shattering of the “ego,” blending into a deep “cosmic” awareness of your cellular connection with everyone and everything in the universe, along with a marvelous sense of well-being.

Oh, what a feeling.

Yet, for some of us, orgasms are elusive, “over-rated” and almost mythical. Some people, usually women, have never experienced sexual climax in their lives. Other women or men, due to the aging process, or physical and/or mental trauma, may have once climaxed easily and often, but not anymore.

Orgasms aren’t everything, but not having them—for whatever reason—can certainly take the wind out of your sexual sails. What to do?

Need to talk about your orgasms?

Private and absolutely confidential, you can call the orgasm experts of the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime: 213-291-9497. Whatever your question, desire or orgasmic issue, we’re here for you.

Orgasm Education

Could you benefit from a little orgasm education? It’s not a subject they teach in school… at least not in the classroom. Yet most of us would greatly benefit from learning a thing or two about orgasms, as well as why and how we have them… or don’t have them.

Not everyone just instinctively “knows” how to climax in a way that is satisfying for themselves and their partners. Many women have to learn to “achieve” or release orgasm, and many men greatly benefit from learning to control the timing of their orgasms. Most people of all genders can achieve greater, stronger orgasms through experience, education and just sharing information.

What kinds of orgasms do you experience? What would you like to try?

Orgasms are like flowers; there are many different varieties.  All are beautiful in their own way, but some may not be your cup of love juice.  There are quickie orgasms, deep slow orgasms, clitoral orgasms and G-spot orgasms (for women), C-spot orgasms (also for women, involving the cervix), P-spot orgasms (for men), blended orgasms, extended orgasms, oral sex orgasms, masturbatory orgasms, woman-on-top orgasms, missionary orgasms, doggy-style orgasms, reverse-cowgirl orgasms, spoon-style orgasms, yabyum orgasms, first-time orgasms, multiple orgasms, simultaneous orgasms, orgasms that seem to come from parts of the body other than the genitals (i.e., nipplegasms, toegasms, eargasms), anal orgasms, emotional orgasms, no-touch orgasms, fantasy-powered orgasms, fetish-oriented orgasms, vibrator orgasms, dildo orgasms, sadomasochistic orgasms, orgy orgasms, bondage orgasms, pain-killer orgasms, sinus-clearing orgasms, “Sperm Wars” orgasms, tantric-style non-ejaculatory orgasms for men, male ejaculatory orgasms that shoot versus the kind that just dribble, and female ejaculatory orgasms (squirting). There are even so-called “forced orgasms” where the Dominant partner restrains the submissive (consensually, of course) until they climax, seemingly against their will. There are mini-orgasms that last a half-second and orgasms that go on for days—or feel like they do.

Got questions about any type of orgasm? Give us a call anytime at 213-291-9497.

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“Oh God!”

In a very real sense, coming or “cumming” is sacred. Maybe that’s why so many of us call out to “God” when we cum. Climaxing launches us into a higher state of being—one many of us yearn to experience on a regular basis. However, while frequent orgasming is good and good for you, there are some practical limits. After all, you’ve got a life to live, maybe a job to work, relationships to foster, issues to deal with. Sacrificing everything else for the sake of the ultimate O isn’t necessarily desirable or even feasible.

For instance, you may be a “demisexual” who can only climax via intimacy with a meaningful partner, which might sound very nice but means that you freeze up during first-time encounters. On the other hand, you might have stronger orgasms via self-pleasure—or, even more problematic, during an affair—than with your regular partner, the person you love.

Orgasms, though fabulous, can be fickle.

Are your orgasmic needs at odds with your other needs, desires and goals? Need to sort it out with someone knowledgeable?

Or do you feel like you just need to “cum” in a safe, confidential context that doesn’t interfere with your other priorities and just lets you enjoy your strongest solo-sex orgasm possible?

To kick that Big O into overdrive, call the Therapists Without Borders of the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime 24/7. And yes, of course, you can masturbate during sessions. And no, there is no sex therapy center or phone sex service quite like ours. Call us: 213-291-9497.

Orgasm Yoga

Many people practice yoga, meditation and martial arts to reach that “higher” level of being, but an orgasm instantly blasts you past anything those disciplines can achieve—and (usually) with a lot less effort. It might not last long or grant deep wisdom, but there’s no denying the physical and mental bliss that occurs in that explosive moment and in the lingering after-glow.

How about orgasm yoga? Perhaps a class like Dr. Betty Dodson teaches featuring lessons in arousal and orgasm control, climaxing with a naked, orgiastic group release. Talk about Hot Yoga… wow! Sounds titillating—and it sure is—but unless you are an exhibitionist, for most people, having an orgasm is a private affair.

How about a private orgasm yoga class one-on-one with just you and your orgasm yoga teacher? We can make it happen via phone, webcam or sext therapy.

To get started, call us anytime at 213-291-9497.

A Glorious Gift

Climaxing yourself is one thing (and it’s a very important thing!), but being able to give someone else body-shaking orgasms is also a wonderful skill well worth cultivating. It’s a glorious gift to your partner, not to mention a self-esteem boost for yourself. While it’s certainly true that you are not “responsible” for your partner’s orgasm, there’s no denying how good you both feel when you can help someone you care about “cum.”

Whether you’re rubbing their button, stroking their shaft, fingering their g-spot (or p-spot), grinding against their pubic bone as you penetrate their depths, squeezing their stick, whispering fantasies in their ear, or going up and down as they go in and out, the power to give pleasure is the greatest power you have.

Do you have trouble helping your lover climax? Is your partner unable to orgasm when you have sex? Do you want to improve your ability to give your lover(s) pleasure? Need some advice or inspiration? Call our Pleasure Counselors anytime at 213-291-9497.

Orgasm Issues

We believe that everyone—male, female or however you identify—can experience some kind of orgasm. Furthermore, we all have a “right” to have orgasms (though we don’t have rights to have orgasms with others, unless they consent, of course).

For various reasons, not all of us can achieve orgasm as “freely” and easily as we’d like to, and some of us have a more difficult time of it than others. This may be due to a physical problem; a relationship issue; emotional trauma from past sexual abuse; a strict, religious, anti-sex upbringing or just a lot of really bad sex.

Some women suffer from “anorgasmia,” the inability to climax. The good news is that many anorgasmic learn to have fantastic orgasms, if they really want to, with sex therapy (especially if the anorgasmia is due to trauma from past experiences), sex education, relaxation and kegel exercises, perhaps a good vibrator or, if the anaorgasmia is very severe, the help of medications and hormone treatments.

Though anorgasmia is more common among women than men, some guys, especially older males or men taking antidepressants and other medications, are anorgasmic or just have difficulties climaxing.

Sometimes it might take a long period of stimulation, more than your partner enjoys, for you to climax. You might need or desire more consistent, lengthier or more intense stimulation than your partner can even tolerate. This discrepancy in orgasmic needs can turn pleasure (orgasm) into pain and frustration for both of you.

If that sounds like your situation, maybe we can help, as we’ve helped thousands of men, women and couples every day for over 25 years. Give us a call at 213.291.9497. We’re here for you.

Many men, especially younger men, suffer from so-called “premature” ejaculation. The suffering is not in the orgasm itself, but in the shame and embarrassment often felt with a partner hoping for more. The good news is that most men naturally slow down as they age. Moreover, if you really want to learn how to keep from blowing your load before your partner is ready for it, even when you’re young, you can do it! Read “Pre-Mature Ejaculation Combat Tips & Techniques,” and try the stop-start or squeeze techniques and other suggestions. Then, if you have questions or need some personal guidance for great orgasm control—which ultimately leads to stronger, more satisfying orgasms—give us a call anytime at 213.291-9497.

Benefits of Orgasm

As if the pure pleasure of orgasm isn’t enough to make you want to cum right now, get this: climaxing is good for your health.

It’s common knowledge that orgasms relieve stress, but they also benefit your health in numerous other ways. The big O raises your heart rate—even if you do it lying down! Exercising your heart is great cardio. It’s just what the doctor ordered (though most doctors wouldn’t dare to order it). Orgasms can also reduce inflammation and sometimes completely eliminate the pain of a headache, cramps or even sinus congestion. The sexual hormones released during an orgasm are linked to lower rates of anxiety, depression, and suicide. A good climax can help you fall into that deliciously deep sleep that eludes so many of us in today’s 24/7 society—and its much better for you than taking a Xanax or even a Melatonin. Regularly orgasming keeps your skin healthy and younger looking. An orgasm a day reduces the risk of prostate cancer in men. There’s even evidence that women who climax regularly during sex live longer than women who don’t.

Can more orgasms create peace on earth? Who knows, but it’s the Bonobo Way, and hey, it’s worth a try! Like the old saying goes: You can’t fight a war while you’re having an orgasm.

Orgasm is a great equalizer. Not everyone in this unfortunately unequal world of ours can be rich, powerful, beautiful (in the conventional sense) or “successful.” But everyone alive can experience an orgasm of some sort, and that’s a very valuable kind of “success” of its own.

Orgasms are amazing, maybe the most amazing life-affirming moments we living creatures can experience, but they can be tricky. There’s any number of issues that can pop up when dealing with them, just a few of which we’ve mentioned above. Whatever your issue, the orgasm experts of the Dr. Susan Block Institute are here for you. You can call us anytime for a totally confidential conversation about orgasm or any aspect of sex, anytime you need to talk. Don’t miss out on the better, stronger, easier, healthier orgasms that you deserve.

Call us now at 213-291-9497.

Post-Trump Sex Disorder (PTSD)

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There’s a new kind of PTSD: Post-Trump Sex Disorder

Institute Director Dr. Susan Block talks about this topic briefly in the September 2017 issue of Cosmopolitan Magazine as a “sudden and swift aversion to sex caused by the anger, fear and confusion you’ve absorbed from the current political climate…Women, in particular, have been hit hard by PTSD…When [Trump‘s] crude misogynistic comments were not just ignored but rewarded with the presidency, it made a lot of us feel horrible…. “

PTSD like this can be pretty grim news for our sex lives, among other things, but there is treatment… at least for your sex life. As Dr. Block advises: Turn off the alternative facts,” and tune into real intimacy.

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More practical erotic advice for combating Post-Trump Sex Disorder from Dr. Block in Cosmo: “Protests are powerful… and they can be a great aphrodisiac.”

Need to talk about your PTSD privately? The “Therapists Without Borders” of the Dr. Susan Block Institute are here for you, providing telephone sex therapy, webcam, sext therapy and relationship counseling throughout the Trumpocalpyse. Call us at 213-291-9497 anytime.

Perhaps you need more personalized ideas for putting healthy distance between the “fake news” and your real sex life. Maybe you need a pep talk with an emphasis on female empowerment, or a fantasy roleplay scene in which the erotic and/or political tables are turned. Then again, perhaps you are a Trump supporter who fantasizes about nonconsensual “pussy-grabbing” and/or “fire and fury,” and you crave the spanking or other type of humiliation that’s coming to you.

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Regardless, rest assured that your privacy and confidentiality is absolutely guaranteed.

Need to talk with someone about something you can’t talk about with anyone else? You can talk with us. The world-famous telephone sex therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences are just a phone call away, available anytime you need to talk, 24 hours a day. You can call us at 213.291.9497.

 

Transgender Women

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Transwomen are real women. And yet….

There’s something special about a beautiful woman who knows first-hand what a man likes.

“Transgender Woman” or “MTF” (male-to-female) are the preferred, polite terms for an individual who “transitions from ‘male-to-female,’ meaning a person who was assigned male at birth, but identifies and lives as a female,” according to the National Center for Transgender Equality. Here at the Dr. Susan Block Institute, we support the use of these terms in most discourse, especially public forums. As advocates, allies, friends and lovers of many in the transgender community, we believe that respect is vital to those in transition, whether MTF or FTM (female to male).

And yet…

We also understand that slang terms can be more erotic for many people. In a way, it’s like using the word “cock” instead of “penis,” or “slut” instead of “sexually active individual.”

Therefore, though we tend to use the more dignified terms while engaging in serious therapy, couples counseling and discussions of real-life transitioning or transgender dating and relationships, we also use the more slang terms, such as “tranny” or “shemale,”  during erotic conversation, e.g., “dirty talk,” or fantasy roleplay.

Transwomen, trannies, T-Girls, she-males, chicks with dicks, ladyboys, gender benders,  gals with “something extra”…call them what you will (in consensual, private conversation only please!), but pre-op MTF transgender women are what some would say are “the best of both worlds.”

Perhaps you’re already imagining… a soft, feminine face with beautiful breasts… and a rock hard rod.

It’s no wonder that many people, are erotically drawn to pre-op MTF women—either being with them or becoming one of them… or maybe both.

Whether the idea of touching, sucking, rimming or being anally penetrated by a transwoman—or becoming one yourself—seriously interests or just excites you, transgender fantasies are nothing to be ashamed of.

We also totally understand you may be riddled with confusion and humiliation, tormented by your trans desires which so much of society considers “taboo.”

Whether you’re a top or bottom, genderfluid, non-binary conforming, a “genderfuck,” transboi, transgurl or questioning… or if you are interested in being with someone like that, we’re here for you.

Want to explore your forbidden longing to be with a transwoman, but not sure where to start? Gender and Identity politics have shifted and many people are wondering how to respectfully court, date and have sex with a transgender person. Others just want to enjoy a hot fantasy. We can help you with either one or both.

We can also help if you are seriously considering gender transition for yourself and need to talk with someone knowledgeable about LGBTQ issues. Concerned about looking “passable” or sounding “femme” enough? Have you been outed as transgender at work, or does the possibility of that worry you? Call us. We can help.

Or, on the other hand, if you don’t want to transition in real life, but just imagining being a woman turns you on, we can help you enjoy a Trans MTF fantasy beyond your wildest dreams right over the phone. Then again, maybe you have no desire to fully transition, even in fantasy, but you do enjoy crossdressing, role reversal or being feminized. We can help with that too.

No matter what your problem, question or desire, rest assured that your confidentiality is absolutely guaranteed.

Need to talk with someone about something you can’t talk about with anyone else? You can talk with us. The world-famous telephone sex therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences are just a phone call away, available anytime you need to talk, 24 hours a day. You can call us at 213.291.9497.

BODY SHAME & Other Body Image Issues

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A vital part of good sex involves feeling… well, sexy.  While some of that feeling is purely mental or spiritual, a large part of it is physical. That includes feeling attracted to your partner’s body, if you have a partner. And it means feeling good about your own body, whether you have a partner or not.

Do you feel good about your body? Do you feel sexy in your skin? Or do you have “body image” issues that interfere with your ability to relax and enjoy yourself during sex?

Anxious About Your Body… or Body Parts?

“Body image issues” encompass a wide spectrum of concerns and worries that plague women, men and transgender people of all ages, creeds and colors, in every culture around the globe. For most of us, these are relatively trivial concerns, but for some, body image issues morph into body shame, weighing us down to the point that we feel that we can’t pursue or enjoy sex at all.

Do you have a body image issue? Perhaps you feel you are too heavy or too thin, too tall or too short. A woman might worry that her breasts are too small or too large, that her thighs are too wide, her butt is too narrow, her face is too old or her feet are too big, and the list goes on.

A man is more likely to be anxious about his height, and an even more common male concern is that his penis is not big enough. Freud said women had “penis envy,” but it’s more often men who are envious of other men’s members, especially when they are larger, or perceived to be larger. This is another body image issue that has a lot to do with perception. Even men with average or above-average-sized endowments may feel deep shame and a sense of humiliation over what they perceive to be sexual inadequacies.

Transgender people might fret that they can’t “pass,” that they have too much or too little body hair, that they are not feminine or masculine enough to fit the ideal that’s in their mind of the gender to which they are transitioning.

While it’s good to have ideals in life, some physical ideals can drive us crazy with debilitating anxiety, impossible goals and enervating shame. After all, the ideal is the enemy of the real, especially when it comes to sex and love.

Has someone in authority criticized your body or body parts? Have they judged you, made demeaning comments, touched or lusted after your body inappropriately or uncomfortably when you were a child? Then you’re more likely to have body image issues, especially if you’re trying to conform to unrealistic ideals.

Hollywood & Porn

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying Hollywood entertainment or pornography, and doing so doesn’t make you a “romance junkie” or “sex addict.” However, both tend to exacerbate our body image issues. Millions of women look at film stars and feel unattractive by comparison. A similar amount of men tend to compare themselves to porn stars, usually coming up short—literally—or so they feel.

Most of us harbor insecurities about how we appear to others, as well as frustration with how we look to ourselves. It’s only human to be a bit dissatisfied with your looks and physical attributes, at least sometimes. Everybody has a body, and most of us have body image issues, at least at some point in our lives.

But if your body image issues are interfering with your ability to share and enjoy the pleasures of life, especially the joys of sex, love and affection, you might benefit from getting some perspective by talking about these issues with a good therapist who understands.

The “Therapists Without Borders” of the Dr. Susan Block Institute are here to help you with your body image issues, as well as other sex and relationship concerns, anytime you need to talk 24/7. Call us at 213-291-9497.

Accept Yourself and Your Body

When your mind is tortured, or even just distracted, by your body images concerns, you are not able to enjoy your sexual experience to the fullest. Nor are you the best sex partner you can be.

Through various traditional and unorthodox programs and techniques, including bonobo liberation therapy, life coaching, erotic theater therapy, sensate focus, guided masturbation, erotic hypnosis and more, we can help you to accept your body as it is—with all its so-called “flaws”—so that you can start enjoying better sex and, in the process, become a better, more open and exciting sexual partner.

Need to talk about it now? We’re here for you 24/7. Call 213-291-9597 and we will put you through to a therapist who can help you with your body image issues and more.

Body Shame

Do you feel that your naked physical body is “dirty”? Maybe you don’t have problems with your body shape or size, but you do have issues of “body shame,” perhaps related to a strict, religious upbringing or other anti-sex, anti-body messages from childhood.

Sexual assault, whether in childhood or adulthood, can also tremendously affect our comfort with our bodies. It’s hard to feel good about your body when that same body has been used and abused by others, even if that abuse was in the distant past.

Sex-negativity and poor body image issues are completely understandable in a sex abuse or trauma survivor. Just knowing that, however, doesn’t make these issues much easier to handle, especially if and when they *ruin* an otherwise positive erotic experience. However, identifying your personal, problematic body image issues is the first step towards healing and empowering your sexual self.

Need to talk about it? Whether you are a survivor of religious, familial or any other kind of sexual abuse, if you want to develop a positive body image and the happy, healthy sex life you deserve, we can help. The caring, knowledgeable therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute can guide you toward enjoying a healthier relationship with your body.   And you can call us anytime, 24 hours a day, at 213-291-9497.

What About Changing Your Body for the Better?

Most body image issues are “in your head.” But if you’re truly obese, anorexic, bulimic or dangerously out of shape, perhaps you should make some changes. None of this means you should put your sex life on hold; on the contrary! Exploring your sexuality at a pace that’s right for you can help you to lose or gain weight and get healthier and fit.

Whether your change “for the better” requires moral support during your transgender process, or getting fit and healthy, our therapists are ready to assist you in making your transition to the body you desire, as well as expressing and exploring your sexuality to the fullest in the body you are in right now.

If discussing these topics is difficult for you, rest assured that you are in good hands. Our therapists are here for you, whether or not your body shame is just “in your head.” We will help you to have the best, most fulfilling sex and love life that you can have, enjoying your body, yourself and your life.

Let’s talk about it. Call us anytime at 213.2991.9497.

Bondage Phone Sex Therapy

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“Freedom is the greatest aphrodisiac, but restraint is a close second.”
Susan M. Block, Ph.D.

Do you like to be tied up by a Dominant Mistress or Master? Do you enjoy erotic bondage, handcuffs, shackles, ropes, collars, straightjackets, spreader bars, harnesses or four of “Christian’s” grey silk ties fastened securely around your wrists and ankles? How about being blindfolded, hooded, muzzled, dominated, restrained by a ball gag, locked up in a chastity belt, strapped down to a medical examination table, put into a posture collar, led around on a leash, shut up in a cage, zipped into a sleep sack, suspended from the ceiling, put into a sling, turned into a piece of human art with beautiful Japanese Shibari rope work, tied spread-eagle to a four-poster bed or latched onto a St. Andrews’s Cross while being spanked or flogged?  Do you get aroused by bondage—in fantasy or reality… or perhaps a bit of both?

Sexy consensual bondage games are not unusual. People have been incorporating erotic restraint into sexual play since before there were people! Non-human animals, like bonobos, indulge in consensual erotic bondage games when they playfully hold each other down during sex, a fairly frequent occurrence. We know it’s “consensual” since sometimes it’s the smaller bonobo “holding down” the bigger, stronger bonobo. Humans practice consensual bondage play even more, partly because our great ingenuity has enabled us to create so many elaborate and effective bondage devices.

Though many erotica and bondage experts don’t appreciate the superficial and sometimes wrongheaded style of 50 Shades of Grey, the huge worldwide popularity of the 50 Shades books and films, has given bondage a new level of acceptance and respectability, both in mainstream society and in the media.

Nevertheless, bondage or “BDSM” (Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & submission and Sadomasochism) is still controversial and quite taboo in most human communities, making it a very difficult world to navigate or even talk about for many people.

Whatever your bondage fantasy or reality, the world-famous telephone sex therapists at the Dr. Susan Block Institute, including several BDSM specialists and experienced FemDoms, Dominant males and submissives, are just a phone call away. Anytime you need to talk, 24 hours a day, we’re here for you. Call us now at 213.291.9497.

Institute Director Dr. Susan Block.

Institute Director Dr. Susan Block.

Exploring fantasies is a great way to start your BDSM adventures. The safe, consensual exploration of domination fantasies can be a fantastic, peaceful channel for some people’s violent impulses, preventing them from actually hurting anyone, including themselves. It can involve sexual psychodrama, safely releasing aggressive forces that lurk deep in our subconscious where they can be more destructive. BDSM can even help to reduce domestic violence. If it can help keep bonobos from killing each other, maybe it can even help humans to create peace on Earth.

While “surrender” means defeat in war or business, in LOVE or sex, surrender can be sweet, and the ultimate expression of intimate fulfillment. Since society puts such pressure on all of us–male and female–to be powerful, to achieve and to succeed, deep in our erotic imaginations, many of us may long to surrender.

In bondage (even consensual bondage), the submissive is “forced” to surrender.

This creates some very interesting sexual dynamics. The ancient Taoist masters say, “In yielding, there is strength.” In surrender, there can be power. Many strong men fantasize about surrender, about being a sex object–being seduced, spanked, pegged, ravished, even raped–“forced” to perform various sexual acts, often while in some sort of restraint.

Considering how many ladies balk at being considered sex objects (though many enjoy it too), this may sound silly to some women, but lots of men crave it, within certain boundaries, of course. Some men find that being dominated, especially when tied up, actually removes performance anxiety. After all, if you can’t move, you can’t perform, so what’s there to be anxious about?

Some guys love to struggle against their restraints, building a rush of adrenaline, then surrendering to ecstasy. It’s a form of athletic eroticism that many great athletes adore. After a big win on the football field or basketball court, they relax by “losing” to a sexy Mistress or Master who puts them in bondage and dominates them into blissfulness.

Of course, many women (and men) are frightened by a man’s submissive desires. They are afraid that because he craves surrender, he is not much of a man. They think he must be some kind of wimp or weirdo, which is one reason that many men find it difficult, if not impossible to talk about their desires for bondage or submission with the women they love.

In reality, it’s mostly high-powered men who yearn to surrender sexually.  Perhaps this is because nature seeks a balance, but many successful businessmen, weary of their responsibilities and stresses, long to be infantilized, objectified, taken advantage of, to surrender control for a brief period in their day or heavy work week, a vacation from responsibility, a chance to be a little boy again, or maybe a girl.

Many submissives just want someone sexy to push them into doing things they’re afraid to do on their own. Some find that fear increases arousal. A little fear enhances sex like a little seasoning spices your meal, but remember… too much spice spoils the meat.

Some men long to surrender to an exciting woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to ask for it–or even demand it–from them. Many enjoy anal penetration, the body’s ultimate surrender, often combined with a form of bondage. Some respond to humiliation fantasies, being “forced” to do embarrassing things, to atone for their “sin” of arousal.

Some like to be spanked. Sometimes, though not always, this is because they were spanked as children. Partly because our society is so negative about sex, many people—men and women–fantasize about being punished, or forced against their will to have sex, often involving some kind of bondage. That way, they don’t feel so responsible and can just relax and enjoy the sensations. Now, of course, just because someone has a rape fantasy does not mean they really want to be raped. Nobody really wants to be raped. But lots of people fantasize about it. And consensual bondage provides a plausible, relatively safe “setting” for such a fantasy.

A word to the wise: Learn what you’re doing before you do too much! Read books on the subject of your interest, take a class and/or study under a knowledgeable Master or Mistress.

BDSM, like mountain climbing, skydiving and driving a car, can be dangerous if not done properly. Be careful about what you do and with whom you do it.

What if your desires are more dominant? As long as your real-life activity is “safe, sane and consensual,” there’s nothing wrong with expressing your Dominant desires. But the requirement to learn what you’re doing–whether you’re putting your slave in bondage or getting her or him out of it very quickly in an emergency–is even more important when you want to dominate.Keep in mind that it may seem like the dominant partner is in control, but it should be that the submissive’s threshold of pain that is the determining factor.

In fantasy, where we use our brains and words to live out these desires in the erotic theater of the mind, these safety rules do not apply; the sky’s the limit, and you don’t even have to know how to tie a knot.

Then again, there are also different types of “emotional bondage” or “mind control,” sometimes involving erotic hypnosis, which can be just as restraining in fantasy as reality.

It can be very confusing… and arousing! So if you need to talk about it privately, whatever your bondage fantasy or reality might be, the world-famous telephone sex therapists at the Dr. Susan Block Institute, including several BDSM specialists, experienced Dominants and submissives, are just a phone call away. Anytime you need to talk or webcam, 24 hours a day, we’re here for you, and you can call us at 213.291.9497.

Terapia Sexual Telefónica

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¿Necesitas hablar con alguien? Llámenos ahora al 310.568.0066

Estamos aquí para escucharte…

¿Tienes alguna pregunta sobre el sexo? ¿Alguna fantasía que le gustaría explorar? ¿Algun fetiche que no puede entender? ¿Un deseo que desea liberar? ¿Necesitas hablar con alguien acerca de algo que no puedes hablar con nadie mas? Usted puede hablar con nosotros. Cada vez que usted necesite hablar durante las 24 horas del día, nuestros famosos sexólogos telefónicas del Instituto de Dr. Susan Block de las Artes y las Ciencias eróticos, estan a sólo una llamada telefónica de larga distancia, y nos puede llamar al 310.568.0066

Aquí en el Instituto de Dr. Susan Block, ofrecemos diferentes formas de terapia sexual a medida adaptadas, a las necesidades personales de nuestros clientes, incluyendo nuestro mundialmente reconocido servicio de terapia sexual telefónicas las 24 horas del día.

Reconocemos que la mayoría de las personas no desean o no necesitan entrar en nuestras oficinas de Los Angeles para la asesoría individual o para las sesiones de terapia, ni estamos siempre disponibles para propuestas de citas presenciales. Pero usted nos puede llamar en cualquier momento y desde cualquier lugar, solamente cuando llame directamente a: (310) 568-0066.

Desde la discusión de la sexualidad, cuestiones eróticas, los placeres, los problemas, las fantasías y los fetiches, son asuntos muy privados. Nuestros servicios telefonicas son las más populares, y en la mayoría de los casos, la más efectiva de terapia sexual. Por otra parte, mientras que las sesiones en persona están disponibles sólo con cita previa y en nombramientos de persona, deben hacerse por lo menos una semana de adelanto, nuestro servicio de terapia sexual telefónica está de guardia las 24 horas del día, siete días a la semana, incluso festivos. Cada vez que necesite que hablar, nuestros terapeutas sexuales telefónicas estan disponibles. Y no, no existe alguna otra terapia teléfonica o terapia de sexo como el de nosotros.

Caroline

Totalmente privada, absolutamente confidencial, los escuchamos, y los exploramos con usted; le guíamos, le recomendamos, lo inspiramos, y lo educamos, Juego de roles para usted, fantaseamos con usted (ninguna fantasía es demasiado tabú), y ayudarle con cualquier cosa, desde la impotencia a la exhibicionismo, la adicción al sexo a satisfacción orgásmica, las cuestiones de transgénero a problemas de pareja, la ejaculación masculina o femenina a problemas de intimidad, el intercambio de energía con el travestismo, “fantasías sexuales” a realidades difíciles, chat adulto de profundo amor, monogamia con la pornografía, política sexuales a educaciones religiosas, “hablar sucio” al romance audio, su pasado sexual de su futuro erótico, gay, heterosexual, bisexual, los temores a los deseos, fetiches a los matrimonios. El cielo es sin límite, pero estamos con los pies en la tierra como ustedes.

Si usted necesita hacer una pregunta, tiene alguna fantasía, quiere obtener ayuda con un problema, explorar algun fetiche, o simplemente hablar con alguien acerca de algo que no puede hablar con nadie mas, usted puede hablar con nosotros ahora.

Usted no está solo. Estamos aquí para ayudarle.

Llámenos ahora al 310.568.0066.

Breast Fetish Therapy

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What is it about a pair of beautiful breasts that makes most men and a lot of women go gaga with desire?

Many an otherwise reasonable gentleman’s life virtually revolves around his pursuit of the perfect breasts (big or small, but usually big)…the supreme bazoombahs!  Gazangas!  Tatas!  Mammas!  The typical “breast man” will probably snort with denial if anyone suggests that his intense interest in a lady’s ample mammaries have anything to do with his desire to suckle up to Mama, but what does he know?  After all, the glorification of the female breast as a sex symbol, as opposed to a maternal image, is so pervasive in the West, especially in America, most of us forget that boobs are not genitalia.

Indeed, the most acceptable all-American fetish is the one so many good old boys have for ladies’ chests.  Though for some men, the adoration of the feminine bust is nothing less than the Holy Grail, it is, of course, a fetish, along the same lines as a foot or bun fetish, since the female rack is no more involved with sexual reproduction than the feet or buns.  Breasts are far more essential to nurturing than to sexual intercourse. And therein lays the infantile origin of the breast fetish.  That deep need we all have for deep nurturance.  Sustenance.  Comfort.  Food.  The breast is food, after all.  It is that unique part of a lady’s body that actually creates food—the ultimate comfort food—the milk of life and love…and fetishes.  Mmmmm….No wonder nipples are so suckable, even for grown-ups with no serious “Mommy issues”!

So what do you like about breasts (everything)?  Hard nipples? Mesmerizing areolas? Do you prefer a nice, soft, squeezable, all-natural bosom?  Or do you go for surgically enhanced “porn star boobs”?  Do you like them small, medium or large? How about XXXtra large?  Are you more turned on by bare breasts, or boobies in bras? Or do you just love the slow sensuous reveal, the tease of the striptease?  How about devastating cleavage? Pierced nipples? Lactating moo-moos? Wet T-shirt? Tied up torpedoes? Bouncing bazooms? Teenage Lewinskies or a mature MiLF’s mamaloogas? Girlfriend goombas? Do you like perky titties that seem to reach for the sky or flapdoodle boobies that swing back and forth like baby seals at play?

When you encounter a “nice pair,” what do you like to do with them?  Cuddle, suckle, tweak or kiss? Do you long to rest your weary head against a sumptuous dairy pillow?  Would you rather worship a set of sexy  breasts or slap them (consensually, of course)?  Do you enjoy intermammary intercourse, or as the Latins call it, coitus a mammalia, the act of ejaculating between the boobs?  The lady generally leans backward as the gentleman places his penis between her jugs and thrusts, the lady controlling the pressure by pushing her soft mounds together, squeezing his shaft until he gives her a  “pearl necklace.”  Or do you just like to watch a busty lady show off her assets?

One of the most famous American breast fetishists was the notably eccentric, hugely wealthy Howard Hughes. Hughes was an only child and very attached to his doting mama Allene who died when he was sixteen (fertile ground for mother issues and a breast fetish).  Hughes used his extensive power and money to seduce hundreds of big-busted showgirls and movie stars, including the famously voluptuous Jane Russell (pictured above in Outlaw), in his passionate search for the perfect pillowy bosom against which to rest his weary, mother-issue-ridden head.  After viewing rushes of Russell in Macao, Hughes wrote a three-page memo detailing what kind of bra she should wear to enhance her sumptuous bazooms.

Send us a memo on the perfect pair for you, and give us a call anytime for webcam, sext or phone sex therapy.  Whether you need help with a serious sexual problem or you’d just like to roleplay a fantasy, we’re here for you, anytime you need to talk (or webcam) 24/7.  Whatever your pleasure or concern, if you need to talk about it, you can call the breast fetish specialist  sex therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute at 213.291.9497.

Exhibitionism Therapy

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Show off!

So what if you are? We all go through life performing. Being the center of attention, erotic or otherwise, can boost your ego. On the other hand, it can also be embarrassing. It is always, at its essence, revealing.

Some people spend their careers in the spotlight, like athletes, comedians, actors… and that special class of actors… no, not reality TV starsporn stars—the most uninhibited exhibitionists of all. They know full well the erotic charge of exposing their bodies, alone or in explicit performance with someone else, for an appreciative audience.

But what about you?  Do you ever feel like you want to be a star, sexually speaking? Do you like to show off? To show it off?  What does it mean to be seen? 

To be seen is to be immortal, if only for a moment, through the eyes of another.  Triumphant. Shining like a star.  Recognized. Celebrated. For that moment, you rule the world.

Or maybe you’re a more mischievous exhibitionist. Do you like to play? Shake your booty? Strike a sultry pose for the camera? Strut your stuff through cyberspace? Undress in front of your window with the curtains open?  Get “caught in the act” of doing something naughty?

Do you fantasize that people are watching you, whether you’re by yourself or with someone else, engaging in the most intimate and erotic of human activities? How about exposing yourself to a stranger?  How about millions of strangers clicking their mice in rhythm to your thunderous orgasm?  Marilyn Monroe fantasized about being nude on the pulpit of her Church worshiped by the congregation.  So, what about you?  Are you Marilyn? 

If so, there are places for you to take it off for an appreciative audience.  Maybe not too many churches, but there are lots of strip clubs, swing parties, The Dr. Susan Block Show, festivals, parades, nudist beaches and many other venues and events centered around the promotion and consensual enjoyment of public exhibitionism.  Here is where your exhibitionism, as long as you are reasonably attractive, will be welcome and applauded.

But what if you’re not exactly Marilyn?  What if you’re not so attractive, at least not in the conventional sense, but you still yearn to show off like a shining star?  What should you do?  And what if your preferred form of exhibitionism involves exposing yourself where you’re not necessarily so “welcome,” where exposure is taboo?  What if you’re excited by the possibility of getting caught with your proverbial pants down? What if you’re a “naughty exhibitionist”?

Well….are you a naughty exhibitionist?  Have you ever masturbated with your door unlocked, knowing that at any moment your roommate, your sister, the babysitter, your neighbor, your wife’s best friend, the maid, your executive assistant, your mother-in-law or even your mom, could walk in and find you jerking away? How shocked would she be? Can you imagine the look on her face?  Maybe she’d like it… maybe it would even turn her on, and then maybe it would turn into the most amazing sex you’ve ever had.  Then again, maybe she’d be upset and punish, dominate or humiliate you in a really hot way, spank you or maybe crossdress you or take a photo of you and post it online.  Then again, maybe not… In fantasy, it might always be exciting, but in real life, it can turn into a real mess…

Not that there’s anything really wrong or unethical about public exposure or masturbation, at least not in our opinion, as long as only consenting adults are involved.  It might be annoying, but it doesn’t really hurt others, like stealing, assault, or other violent crimes do. But most societies consider “public indecency” a crime by law and, if you do get caught showing off in the real world, you know it wouldn’t be anywhere near as fun as the fantasy. Court time, court costs, jail time, public ridicule (which is very different than a humiliation fantasy) or, possibly the loss of your job, or family. Not very arousing or appealing, is it?

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When politicians show off their exhibitionism, publicly or privately, they risk “public disgrace” in various forms.  One of the most dramatic stories of political erotic exhibitionism is right in the Bible. In 2 Samuel 6:12-22, after King David captures Jerusalem, he dances in front of the Ark, wearing nothing but a loincloth (the Biblical version of a thong). Though David pleases the crowd with his exhibitionist antics and gifts of cake and dates, his wife Michal sneers at him like he’s no better than a Peeping Tom. “How the King of Israel has distinguished himself today, going around half-naked in full view of the slave girls of his servants as any vulgar fellow would!”

David doesn’t care. He is the King, after all. The exhibitionist revelations of modern leadersfrom Weiner to Trumpare a lot more complex.

So this simple desire to be seen is not always so simple to fulfill.  Do you know what we mean?  Do you enjoy exhibitionism?  Do you need to talk about it? Whether you need serious therapy to help you control your desire to expose yourself nonconsensually, a fun fantasy to help you explore the pleasures of exhibitionism, or if there’s something else you need to talk about, the world-renowned webcam and telephone sex therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute are just a phone call away.  You can talk to Dr. Block herself or to one of our other therapists, each excellent in her or his specialty.  You can also arrange for an in-person appointment at our offices in Los Angeles, and our webcam, sext and phone sex therapy services are open anytime 24/7.  Call us from anywhere in the world at 213.291.9497

And yes, you can masturbate, if you want, during sessions.  And no, there is no other sex therapy or phone sex service quite like ours.  Our form of sex therapy is unique in that we can discuss and help you with your real-life situations, and/or we can enter the Erotic Theater of the Mind (your mind or ours, or a combination) and roleplay your exhibitionistic fantasies—even the forbidden kind that would get you into serious trouble if acted out in real life.  In fact, one of our specialties is “the forbidden,” the stuff you can’t talk about to anyone else.  After all, pretty much everything is safe on the phone—where you can close your eyes and fantasize the wildest scenes possible through the hidden camera of your imagination. Moreover, your secrets are safe with us.  Therapy with the Institute is completely private, discreet and confidential.  Of course, we can’t tell you their names, but we count many celebrities and world leaders among our clients, so we understand the importance of strict confidentiality.  We have been around and we intend to stay around, and we value your privacy as we value our reputation.

Exhibitionist phone sex therapy is fun, satisfying, edifying, defuses problematic desires (so you’re less likely to get into trouble) and often leads to great insights into your sexuality and other aspects of your deeper self.  We’ve found the phone—private, intimate and essentially non-visual—to be an excellent vehicle for this kind of erotic insight.  Then again, exhibitionism is primarily a visual interest, and you can also enjoy a very personal exhibitionistic experience tailored to your desires with one of our webcam sex therapists.

Whatever your exhibitionistic pleasure or problem, we’re here for you, 24/7, every day and night, including holidays, whether you need to talk…or be watched.  Give us a call anytime at 213.291.9497.

 

 

Voyeurism Sex Therapy

voyeur-therapy

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“All the world’s a stage” (Shakespeare’s As You Like It), on which some of us love to play, and some of us prefer to watch. The players tend to get the glory, but without an audience there’s not much of a show.

Let’s face it: lots of us like to watch. We’re not talking Shakespeare here, though that can be erotic as well… we’re talking about sex. We’re talking about the thrill of watching another’s most intimate activities, getting turned on by seeing someone else get turned on.

Would you say this is you? If so, you might be a voyeur. Everyone’s a little bit of one, at least. We can all get turned on by the sight of something or someone really sexy.  But some of us are more voyeuristic than others.  Some of us like to cultivate our voyeuristic tendencies like wine connoisseurs cultivate their palettes, tasting different vintages.  Perhaps you like to look through the silver screen into erotic worlds you’ve never seen. Maybe it’s a film or a digital stream on your computer or phone. Porn, after all, is the most common kind of erotic voyeurism going on in the modern world. And despite its popular explosion in the early 21st Century, visual erotica has been with us since humanity first started cave painting.

Then again, maybe you like to see it live, perhaps in a strip club, or fantasize about the quintessential live sex performance, with you sitting back like a sultan with your harem of exhibitionistic sex performance artists titillating your fancy in every way imaginable to delight your eyes and ears.  Then again, maybe your favorite type of voyeurism is a bit more secretive. Do you like to sneak a peak through a keyhole, a hole in a shower wall or up through the floorboards of an old porch, like a child discovering something naughty?  Do you like to look through your neighbor’s window, catching them in an intimate moment: a couple arguing and then making passionate love, a he-man flexing his naked muscles in his home gym, a beautiful woman undressing alone in her bathroom, stepping into the Jacuzzi, spreading her legs and masturbating to an aquatic orgasm on one of the ferociously whirling jets?  Or do you like to combine exhibitionism and voyeurism, and just watch yourself in the mirror?

What does it mean to be seen?  To be seen is to be a star.  A sex symbol–immortal, if only for a moment.  So what about seeing?  To see is to glimpse a special secret, to go behind the curtain, to gain knowledge. Knowledge is power, and sexual knowledge is sexual power.  No wonder you feel so excited and even powerful when you see someone or something special in a sexual way.  No wonder we all can appreciate the erotic pleasures of voyeurism.

The passive delights of voyeurism are especially popular among the rich and powerful. Pope Alexander IX was one of history’s most decadent voyeurs.  That’s right, a Catholic pope was openly enjoying banquets such as what follows, as described by his master of ceremonies Burchard, Bishop of Ostia: “Fifty reputable courtesans supped at the Vatican…and after supper they danced about with the servants and others in that place, first in their clothes and then nude…candelabras and lighted candles were set on the floor and chestnuts were strewn about and the naked courtesans on hands and feet gathered them up, wriggling in and out among the candelabras…Then all those present in the hall were carnally treated in public… The pope gave prizes to the men who copulated the most times with the courtesans.”  Pope Alexander IX of the notorious Borgia family ruled the Catholic faithful from 1492 until his death in 1503 and was known for his libertine pleasures as well as for his relatively benign treatment of Jews, slaves and others.  Possibly all that voyeuristic entertainment helped to make him more “Catholic,” at least in the liberal, compassionate sense of the word. Other famous voyeurs from the annals of history include Lord Byron, Casanova, Charlie Chaplin, King Farouk, Errol Flynn, Maxim Gorki, Victor Hugo, Martin Luther and the notorious Marquis de Sade.

voyeur

Some call voyeurs “Peeping Toms,” stemming from the medieval story of Lady Godiva—obviously an aristocratic exhibitionist—who rode through town naked to protest her husband Lord Godiva’s unfair taxing of the townspeople (a bleeding heart liberal show-off if ever there was one). All the townspeople were supposed to close their shutters and not look upon the naked Lady on her horse. But one naughty, rather horny young man named Tom couldn’t resist taking a peep (can you blame him?), so that’s where we get the term “Peeping Tom.”

Though the word “voyeur” comes from the French, voir, “to see”, let’s not forget it really encompasses more than just the eyes. Sound is a big part of the pleasure of sensual observation.  Ever find yourself overhearing the muffled moans of a housemate or neighbor banging away across the hall? Maybe you put your ear up to the door for more? Perhaps you’ve passed by an open window and had to stop yourself, listening to the excited breathing, a headboard hitting the wall, heightened voices… coming from just beyond. Did it turn you on? How could it not? Feelings are contagious, after all, and sound transports feelings, especially if the sound is someone sighing or crying out in ecstasy.

Speaking of feelings, do you need to talk about your voyeuristic desires, experiences or fantasies?  Are your voyeuristic feelings getting you into trouble—or on the verge of trouble?  Are you watching “too much” porn—maybe to the point that you feel (or someone you love feels) you are “addicted”?  Are you spending so much time watching that you have no time or energy to actually do anything with your sex life?  Would you sometimes rather just watch porn than have sex with your lover, even if she’s right in your bed waiting for you?  Are you looking at stuff that’s illegal?  Are you spying on someone without their consent?  Do you find yourself going to strip clubs instead of doing the hard work of playing the dating game?  Are you spending all your money on erotic entertainers who dominate you, turning you into a helpless “money slave” to their demands?  Are they humiliating you, cuckolding you and taking advantage of your voyeuristic needs?  Has your voyeurism morphed into cheating?  Are you doing things that make you feel ashamed and guilty afterwards?  Are your natural voyeuristic desires spiraling out of control?

If the answer is yes to any of these questions, you would greatly benefit by talking with someone who understands your desires and can help you regain control and keep them from ruining your life—without being forced to “abstain” or give up the natural, positive pleasures of voyeurism.  This is a specialty of ours here at the Dr. Susan Block Institute.  Many “regular” sex therapists aren’t comfortable addressing these topics, or perhaps you don’t feel comfortable talking to a regular therapist about your most personal feelings.  Whatever your concerns, rest assured, you can talk to us. World-renowned sexologist Dr. Susan Block, a Yale graduate with two doctorates, and the therapists of the Institute, are all excellent in their various fields, utilizing telephone sex therapy to listen, talk to you and help you deal with all your voyeuristic pleasures, problems, questions and desires.  You can talk to us about anything, and usually we can help, as we have helped people all over the world for over two decades.

And yes, you can masturbate, if you like, during sessions.  And, no, there is no other sex therapy or phone sex service quite like ours.  Our form of sex therapy is unique in that we can discuss and help you with your real-life situations, and/or we can enter the Erotic Theater of the Mind (your mind or ours or a combination) and roleplay your voyeuristic fantasies—even the forbidden kind that would get you into serious trouble if you acted them out in real life.  In fact, one of our specialties is “the forbidden,” the stuff you can’t talk about to anyone else.  After all, pretty much everything is safe on the phone—where you can close your eyes and fantasize the wildest scenes possible through the hidden camera of your imagination. Moreover, rest assured that your secrets are safe with us.  Therapy with the Institute is completely private, discreet and confidential.  Of course, we can’t tell you their names, but we count many celebrities and world leaders among our clients, so we understand the importance of strict confidentiality.  We have been around and we intend to stay around, and we value your privacy as we value our reputation.

Voyeuristic phone sex therapy is fun, satisfying, edifying, defuses desires (so you’re less likely to get into trouble) and often leads to great insights into your sexuality and other aspects of your deeper self.  We’ve found the phone—private, intimate and essentially non-visual—to be an excellent vehicle for this kind of erotic insight.  Then again, voyeurism is primarily a visual interest, and you can also enjoy a very personal voyeuristic experience tailored to your desires with one of our webcam sex therapists.

Whatever your voyeuristic pleasure or problem, we’re here for you, 24/7, every day and night, including holidays, whether you need to talk…or just watch.  Give us a call anytime at 213.291.9497.

Tantric Phone Sex Therapy

tantra_mantra_faces

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Do you seek a more spiritual approach to sexuality?

Are you dissatisfied with the sex-negative dogma of most organized religions, yet not entirely comfortable with the crass, objectifying, even soul-deadening lack of intimacy involved in most non-spiritual approaches to sex?

Do you want to find “pure bliss” in this lifetime? Do you desire erotic enlightenment?  Do you long to feel the deepest connection between your body and your partner’s, or between the universe inside and outside of you? Would you like to experience better, more frequent, and longer orgasms? Full-body orgasms? Touch-free orgasms? Or are orgasms not really the point for you? Do you yearn for the kind of soul-enlivening intimacy that can only be called “spiritual”?

Are you striving to make sex more than just a path to orgasm, more even than just something “enjoyable”? Do you have a sense that there is a more intense pleasure and deeper understanding and connection available through sex than you have yet experienced? Do you long to practice a more “sacred” sexuality?  Or, perhaps your desires are more down to earth… perhaps you are seeking a real solution to a real physical problem. Then again, maybe you are just curious by nature, and are eager to explore new regions of erotic knowledge and understanding.

In any case, if the answer to more than one of the above questions is “yes,” you would benefit from learning something about Tantric Sex.

Although there are many definitions, Tantra is a body of beliefs, practices, and teachings aimed at expanding consciousness, enhancing interconnectedness, and weaving the different natures of the universe into an integrated whole. In fact, the word “tantra” means “weaving,” and tantric ritual seeks to weave the supra-mundane or spiritual with the mundane or physical, identifying the microcosm with the macrocosm.  The Tantric practitioner uses yoga, mantras, mudras, mandalas, chakras, yantras and other systems to attempt to manipulate prana, an energy that flows through the universe (inside and outside of one’s own body) to attain goals that may be spiritual, material or both.

“Tantric Sex” forms a subdomain of this overall tradition that weaves the spiritual with the material. Some call tantric sex “neotantra,” identifying it as the “new age” variation or modern Western interpretation of traditional Eastern Hindu and Buddhist tantra. Tantric sex uses special mind and body techniques to cultivate ecstatic consciousness as well as increased spiritual awareness of the erotic consciousness that pervades one’s human nature.  Tantric sexual methods may be practiced alone, in partnership, or in the sacred sex rituals of groups.

Tantric sexual practices aren’t “just” about heightened consciousness.  They certainly have immediate, tangible benefits: they can make you more anatomically flexible, and can help solve many physical sexual problems. Tantric sex techniques can be a great help to women who have difficulty experiencing orgasm, men with premature ejaculation tendencies and couples who wish to attain more intimacy through sex. These practices can greatly help people to “slow down,” breathe deep and discover new and exciting sexual positions and techniques. Tantric practice can literally breathe new life into your sexuality.

However, Tantra is also about going even deeper…about connecting with the sexuality of your partner (whatever their sex, and whatever way you swing), and connecting with the orgasmic sexuality of the entire universe. Tantric sex practices not only teach us ways of prolonging and enhancing the pleasure of making love, but of utilizing potent orgasmic energies more effectively for your overall health, enlightenment and well-being. This is not only to increase your individual awareness and understanding, but that of the people around you. Overall tantric philosophy focuses on enhancing compassion and consciousness, so as to serve, heal and help others: one of the greatest pleasures in life. Indeed, serving, healing and helping others is exactly what the Block Institute is all about.

Dr. Susan Block, the founder of the Institute, has studied and practiced various forms of Tantra since she was a freshman at Yale University where she meditated and practiced Kundalini yoga and advanced deep breathing techniques for an hour every day before class.  She went on to study at Tantric ashrams and communities in Kathmandu, Nepal and Dharamsala, India, as well as with the late Tibetan Tantric Meditation Master Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, eminent embodiment of the “crazy wisdom” (Tibetan: yeshe chölwa) tradition of Tibetan Buddhism, and other Tantric masters and practitioners at Naropa Institute in Boulder, Colorado.  She has also studied the work of Guru Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh aka Osho, and follows Margot Anand’s “Skydancing Tantra,” Annie Sprinkle’s “Tantric Massage,” Diana Daffner’s “Tantric Sex for Busy Couples,” Dr. Judy Kuriansky’s “Idiot’s Guide to Tantric Sex” and Barbara Carrellas’ “Urban Tantra” and the harnessing of ecstasy.

Dr. Block and some of our other more Tantra-skilled therapists here at the Institute can help you with your questions about this ancient and yet thoroughly modern philosophy of the erotic mind and body. We teach many Tantric practices and principles, as well as provide a Tantric Sexual Experience, with a customized combination of Erotic Hypnosis, Guided Masturbation, Erotic Theater Therapy:  Fantasy Roleplay, Bonobo Liberation Therapy, Sensual Domination, Sex Therapy, Phone Sex Therapy and Tantric techniques.  We teach and practice Tantra over the phone, on webcam and via text and provide in-person Tantric sex education classes and tutorials for some of our regular phone and webcam clients.

If you’re interested in Tantra or any kind of deep, meaningful sexuality, we’re here for you.  And you can talk with us any time of day or night, any day of the week, even holidays.  We’re ready to teach you, learn from you, guide you, serve you and heal you. We’re here to take your sexuality to a higher level physically and spiritually.  Don’t worry about concepts that seem complex or foreign, or even if you feel you’re far from the spiritual state you think you ought to be in.  We understand. And we’re here to help. It’s easy to talk to us, and you’ll be surprised how good you’ll feel when you do—body, mind and soul.

Call the Dr. Susan Block Institute anytime at 213.291.9497. We’re open 24/7, and we’re here for you.

Phallus Fetish – Phone Sex Therapy

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Does penis turn you on? (It’s okay, you can admit it… to us.) Do you find yourself thinking about, visualizing, or  fantasizing about them (or one in particular), either a lot, or just a little? Maybe you spend time seeking out the male member in online or other forms of pornography. Maybe you’re considering having a physical, sexual encounter with one in real life (and we don’t mean just your own). Maybe you already have. Maybe it was recently, maybe it was from long ago… perhaps in your childhood, be it friendly or sensual, and now you’re thinking about it again.  Maybe you’re considering looking but not touching…or maybe more.

Attraction by a male to the penis of another male is quite common, and comes in an amazing number of variations. Maybe it’s just in the context of women; maybe the idea of a threesome with a hot girl and another guy turns you on. You may have a cuckolding fantasy or a desire to be humiliated.  Maybe you like to watch women, but find lesbian porn a little boring.  You’d rather see the woman having sex with a guy… yep, there’s that penis.  That doesn’t make you weird or gay or even necessarily bi.  One reason that straight male/female porn is the most popular form for straight guys to watch is that most enjoy watching a hot woman having sex with a well-hung guy.  And the guy himself usually isn’t all that important.  It’s the penis.

You might be more turned on when this penis is very large and super hard, attached to a strong, muscular, dominant “real man” who knows how to use it.   Then again, maybe you like a penis attached to someone that looks and acts like a female, aka a she-male or transsexual.  Maybe you want to worship a “superior” penis, or let both your cocks and balls compete in a “sperm war.”  Maybe you enjoy being penetrated by a finger dildo, but feel a penis can do more for you.  Maybe your desire for the penis is oral.

Maybe sex isn’t even a part of it… perhaps you are simply fascinated by another man’s member, for reasons which aren’t just about lust.  Think about all the phallic objects in the world—from cannons to columns, skyscrapers to obelisks—most of it manmade, and you might realize how many other guys through history have had a bit of a penis fetish.

Either way, in today’s world, even with increasing tolerance for homosexuality, bisexuality, and a healthy sexual curiosity, the same sex attraction to a penis is still stigmatized by a cultural subtext that labels it “deviant.” Even labeling things as simplistically as “gay” or “straight” can actually serve to diminish our understanding, not to mention our pleasure.  The truth may be that human sexuality is nuanced, varied, and runs a wide gamut, taking on an infinite variety of forms. But “truth” and “reality” don’t always coincide. So you may find it challenging—to say the least–to work out your feelings or desires, realized or not, when it comes to your interest in penises.

Think about how many guys engaged in games that involved comparing members as little kids. Many go further… touching, playing and performing with them…after all, with a healthy curiosity comes a curiosity about sex, and our bodies. For some, the curiosity was just that. For others, it led to deeper, more long lasting feelings and desires. Now, after some time, maybe you still feel the need to satisfy some unfulfilled urge. Perhaps you want to know how to do this in your life, or maybe you want to gain control over those desires or just work out very confused feelings.

Over all, you just might need to talk with someone who understands and can help you sort out your feelings. Simply trying to repress these feelings can lead to your brain frying, as evidenced by all the closet “homosexuals” recently emerging in the harsh glare of the media from, say, the Republican Party, or the priesthood of the Catholic Church. All the inordinate time spent hypocritically railing against and oppressing feelings that are quite normal can lead to those unexpressed needs and wants festering and mutating until they cause real damage and pain… hence all the scandals that plague many of our most venerated institutions.

Whatever desires you have, if you want to simply learn more about them and what they mean, or if you are concerned that they are “deviant” (they’re not) or that you are “gay” or “bi,” you should know that nothing is wrong, and that we are here to help you cope with your feelings and your situation, your fantasies and your reality. If you just want to explore the aural pleasures of a penis-oriented, sexpert-guided masturbation or erotic hypnosis session, that’s also available to you.  Many of our male and female therapists have penis fetishes themselves, and have been through many growth experiences learning about this endlessly fascinating subject.  Speaking of fascinating, the Latin root of that word is fascinum, a penis-shaped amulet that ancient Roman men and women wore on necklaces for good luck.

But back to you.  Do you need to talk about this?  Whether you’re looking for serious therapy or a hot phone sex experience, you can talk to us.  In our work, we’ve talked to thousands of people of all kinds in different situations from many different places and cultures around the world—all strictly confidential.  We wouldn’t say we’ve “heard it all,” but we’ve heard a LOT. We don’t judge you. We help you.  If you don’t feel “normal”, if you need advice, or just want to express yourself, you can call us anytime.  Don’t be embarrassed.  You’d be amazed at the number of seemingly “mainstream” people who have hidden desires like this under the surface. Even if you’ve never really talked about this before, you’ll be amazed at how easy it is to talk with us, and how good you’ll feel when you do. Call the Dr. Susan Block Institute at 213.291.9497. We’re open 24/7, and we’re here for you.

Virgin Phone Sex Therapy

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Virgin, huh? That’s got to be tough. Whether by choice or by circumstance (or both), the overwhelming mythology we subscribe to in today’s society is that it’s the norm to lose your virginity by the time you’re out of your teens. Even as prudish, vanilla, hypocritical, and somewhat oppressed as some parts of this society may be, this is the undercurrent of the modern world. Maybe it shouldn’t be that way, and maybe some people are happy as virgins. Maybe you’re one of them! Even so, if you’ve reached your 20s and you still haven’t had sexual intercourse, for better or worse, you’re considered “outside the norm.”

This has to impart some psychological toll. You might feel like a throwback, an outcast, a loser, confused or just plain frustrated.  Maybe you want desperately to lose your virginity, but don’t know how, under your circumstances. Maybe you’re not so eager, but you still want to talk about your feelings, desires and options with someone who understands and isn’t going to judge you or make you feel awkward. Perhaps you’re not sure what you want; you just know you need to communicate, to sort it all out.  But you’d feel weird talking about this to friends or family, let alone clergy, and understandably so.  You may not even feel comfortable discussing this with a regular therapist or counselor.  But you know you need to talk about it with someone with expertise and compassion, someone who can help you.

That’s what we’re here for at The Dr. Susan Block Institute. We’re cutting-edge sex therapists, and we talk to all types of people, with all types of sexual problems, issues, questions, kinks, desires, fantasies, fetishes and hang-ups. In fact, some of us have been through many of these issues ourselves. We speak from personal experience as well as professional expertise.  Dr. Susan Block and her team has helped thousands of men and women from all over the world, including a number of sexual virgins.

If you want to “lose” your virginity, we can help you to find an appropriate and desirable sexual partner, just as we’ve helped so many others in similar situations—sometimes after decades of trying with no luck (some of these have gone on, in fact, to become sexual dynamos)!

If, on the other hand, you want to remain a virgin—perhaps until marriage or maybe for life—we can help you to cope with your sexual feelings, frustrations, beliefs and fantasies in a positive, pleasurable and enlightening way.  Just because you stay a virgin doesn’t mean you have to be sexless or lonely. No matter what your particular situation, being a sexual virgin shouldn’t be a life sentence to emotional solitary confinement.

Does being a virgin or the fantasy of being a virgin, or perhaps being “deflowered,” turn you on?  What about the other side of the virgin sex coin? Do you have a “virgin fetish”? Do you want to do the deflowering? Does the sexual inexperience and erotic innocence of virginity turn you on? The “virgin fetish” has captivated the erotic minds of billions of men and quite a few women since the dawn of civilization. It’s one of humanity’s more common fetishes. And yet it can be extremely problematic, since once you’ve deflowered your virgin, he or she is no longer a virgin. So where do you go from there? Fantasy roleplay is a safe and exciting alternative. Therapy to help you understand where your virgin fetish comes from and how to handle it, also helps

Whatever your circumstances, whether you are a virgin, you fetishize virgins or you just had sex in the tiny WC of Virgin Airlines, whether you want to make a change, explore a fantasy or you just need to talk, you can talk to us.  For telephone sex therapy, webcam, sext therapy from anywhere in the world, or for in-person counseling at our offices in Los Angeles, you can call us anytime.  We’re here for you every day, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.  Call us now!  Whenever you need to talk, you can call the sex therapists of the Dr. Susan Block Institute at 213.291.9497.

Premature Ejaculation Combat Tips Techniques

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Are You Quick On The Trigger, Sexually Speaking?
Find yourself coming before your partner’s even gotten going?
Would you like to learn to slow down and satisfy your partner? Want to enjoy more passionate lovemaking & bigger orgasms, instead of inadvertently shooting your wad before you can say “Oops, I did it again”? For information about telephone sex therapy for premature ejaculation and other issues, call 213.291.9497

Premature Ejaculation is most often described as the inability to delay ejaculation to a point when it is mutually desirable for both partners. It is an extremely common condition for men around the world. So if you suffer from the humiliation and frustration of premature ejaculation (or if your partner does), rest assured that you are not alone. Virtually all males experience premature ejaculation at some time in their lives, usually when they are young. But for many, “coming too fast” remains an ongoing problem, even into old age. Sometimes, ironically, it accompanies impotence and other forms of erectile dysfunction.

Your first premature ejaculation experience can be laughed off as “no big deal,” or it can be so traumatic that you find yourself dropping your bombs before you reach your target again and again. Luckily, there are several fairly simple “cures” for what I call Sexual Quick Draw McGraw Syndrome. With a little understanding, technique, help and practice, you can safely and naturally banish the heartbreaking embarrassment of premature ejaculation forever from your sexual life.

Let’s start with understanding. The Boston Medical Group estimates the premature ejaculation prevalence rate in American males as from 30-70%. Why are these figures so high? Why is premature ejaculation so common? Why is it that most men will prematurely ejaculate at some points in their sex lives, and why do so many do it almost constantly?

Here’s the bottom line in terms of evolutionary biology: Premature ejaculation is natural. It may even be more natural for a man, especially a young man, to come “too” quickly than to control his orgasm long enough to make sex satisfying for himself and his partner. Nature favors premature ejaculators, guys that pop their loads into the next generation before the gal can get away. Those males who come as fast as possible, that is, before the female changes her mind or predators – ancient saber-toothed cats or modern-day parents – arrive to ruin the mood, have tended to reproduce more than guys who take their time. After all, a woman doesn’t need to have an orgasm to get pregnant, nor does the man have to feel like a stud. He just needs to ejaculate inside of her at the right time of month, his potent sperm penetrating her fertile egg. So despite how mortified he might be or how frustrated she might feel, as far as natural reproduction is concerned, the sooner he comes inside her, the better.

But just because premature ejaculation is natural doesn’t mean it’s desirable.

After all, sex isn’t just about procreation; it’s about recreation. It’s also a form of communication. What do you communicate to your partner when you produce the juice before you put it in her caboose? The first time, you could be communicating, “You’re so hot I just couldn’t control myself!” In that sense, one or two episodes of premature ejaculation can be a bittersweet “compliment” to Mr. Quick Draw’s partner who could be considered a “Premature Ejaculation Inducer.” But if you come too fast time and again, you start communicating anxiety, insensitivity and other not-so sexy messages.

More stats from Boston Medical: The average man can usually control ejaculation for 6-10 minutes after penetration. However, the average woman needs approximately 15-20 minutes of sexual activity before she can experience orgasm. By these standards, the entire male race needs to learn how to better prolong erection and sexual stamina.

In a sexually civilized society, gentlemen would be educated in the art and science of ejaculation control. How else are you guys going to learn? After all, someone had to toilet train you, right? But nobody ejaculation-trained you. Unless you’re one of the lucky ones…

Over the years, I have “ejaculation-trained” thousands of men from all over the world. And no, I haven’t had the pleasure of having sex with them all. Most ejaculation training takes place over the phone during the process I call telephone sex therapy. Through deep relaxation, guided masturbation, anatomical education, PC muscle exercise training, erotic hypnosis, fantasy roleplay and other techniques, I help men of all ages last longer, please their partners and wind up with a much bigger orgasmic ejaculation than they ever experienced as Sexual Quick Draw McGraws.

12 Essential Tips & Techniques for
Better Ejaculation Control

1. Grow Up: Premature Ejaculation is most common among young men. If you are under twenty-five, and you’re quick on the trigger, the good news is that you’ll probably slow down as you get older. The “bad” news is that if you want to be a great lover while you’re young and virile, you need to learn a thing or two about discipline. Keep in mind that experience is the greatest teacher. Practice, practice, practice! Older men with premature ejaculation problems tend to lack much sexual experience.

2. Come Again: If you’re young, you may ejaculate sooner than you’d like, but you might also be able to get hard again soon after you’ve come. If so, then don’t worry so much about “premature ejaculate.” Just come naturally, then engage in other forms of lovemaking while you build up towards another erection. This second time around, you are likely to last longer simply because you have less fluid in your seminal vesicles and less urgency to release it. You can “trick” your system by masturbating a few hours before your sexual encounter, so that your urge to come is not so urgent. You can also take Viagra to insure that even after you ejaculate, you’ll have a hard-on. However, I don’t recommend taking Viagra if you don’t have serious erectile dysfunction, because you can easily develop a psychological dependency on it.

3. Breath Deep: Now we’re getting into serious control techniques. When you’re nervous or excited, the natural tendency is to hold your breath. Holding your breath creates tension that demands release, which is one reason for premature ejaculation. Learn to slow yourself down by inhaling deeply and exhaling even more slowly, as practiced by Tantric sex practitioners. Tantra is not for everybody, but its slow deep breathing techniques are excellent for reducing the chance of premature ejaculation.

4. PC Exercise: Ejaculating before you want to–whether it’s after ten minutes or ten seconds—is a sexual *weakness.* If you want to become sexually strong, you need to strengthen the right muscles. For instance, if the muscles in your thighs are weak and you want to run longer, you work out your thigh muscles. So what muscle should a gentleman exercise to strengthen his ability to maintain an erection in different sexual positions without ejaculating? Contrary to popular belief, the penis itself is NOT a muscle–nor does it have a bone, even though they call erections “boners.” Answer: Your PC muscle. No, it’s not your politically correct muscle nor is it personal computer muscle; it’s your pubococcygeus (PC) muscle group that runs from the pubic bone in front to the tailbone in back and supports the pelvic floor. This is the muscle that spasms during orgasm in the male and the female. PC muscle exercise is good for both men and women. To find your PC muscle, pretend that you’re urinating and want to stop the flow of urine by squeezing an internal muscle. Feel it? That’s your PC muscle. Flex or squeeze it for a couple of seconds, then release. And squeeze and release, squeeze and release, breathing in on the squeeze and out on the release. Do the PC muscle exercise ten times in the morning and ten times in the evening, gradually holding squeeze longer each time, and you will eventually gain strength and control. By the way, you can do this exercise anytime, anywhere–sitting, standing, walking around, or lying down. Women should do PC muscle exercises regularly too. A strong PC muscle enhances female orgasm tremendously, along with improving male ejaculation control.

5. Stop/Start Technique: Just like the name says, this method involves arousing the penis to the point before the point of no return and then stopping, pulling out if necessary, and letting your erection go down before resuming the stroking, sucking or thrusting. That is, if your flaccid state is at “0”, and ejaculation is at “10,” then the point of no return would be “9.” So you would need to reduce stimulation or “stop” at level “8” or, if you’re very trigger-happy, at level “7.” The stop/start exercise trains your big head and little head to recognize the points or stages of pleasure before the point of no return. Then, it trains you to stop–maybe for half a second, maybe for about a minute–so you don’t come. It’s a simple exercise that sex therapists and surrogates have been teaching for years, and it really works after about a month or two of practice, if you practice. In fact, you can get so good at this that you can experience multiple orgasms without ejaculation before your final ejaculatory climax.

6. Squeeze Technique: This is the same as the stop/start technique, but just as you stop, you or your lover squeeze the rim of your penis, between the head and the shaft, holding the thumb on top and the first and second fingers underneath. That’s the most popular spot for the squeeze technique. But there’s another spot right in the middle of the base of the penis, above the scrotum, where it meets the pubic bone. Max and other guys swear this is a sure-fire come-stopper.

7. Tease Technique: Erotic Teasing is one of the sexier ways to hold off premature ejaculation. Encourage your partner to tease you, with lots of foreplay, before you penetrate her mouth or vagina. Teasing is also excellent for women, though usually for the opposite reasons. Men need to be teased because it makes them slow down. Women need to be teased because it makes them come around.

8. Drink Up: A little alcohol can help some gentlemen with premature ejaculation last longer. This is not an excuse to get plastered, which tends to give you the opposite problem: erectile dysfunction, a.k.a. drunk dick syndrome. As Porter tells MacDuff in Shakespeare’s MacBeth, alcohol “provokes the desire, but takes away the performance.”

9. Relax: Remember, pressure is the enemy of pleasure. Every guy comes too fast sometimes due to stress, novelty, performance anxiety, or good old-fashioned excitement. If you just do it occasionally, try not to make a big deal about it. You’re likely to make it worse. Just gently and playfully start going through some of the above activities. They’re great sexual muscle-building exercises, even if you don’t have “penis problems.” And don’t let the fact that you came a little earlier than expected stop you from helping your partner to come.

10. Back-Up Your Hard-Drive: Always keep a back-up system for your computer, and always have some sex toys – dildos, vibrators and other goodies – to use on your partner when your personal hard-on is down. Or just go down on her. Most women are more likely to climax from a talented tongue than from a hard penis anyway. Coming “too fast” is relative. Remember that you can always keep going even after you’ve come, with your mouth, hands or toys. Or just make sure that you give your partner an orgasm or two before you get into any of her orifices or, if you’re lightning fast, before you let her touch your penis at all.

11. Examine Yourself: If you’re over thirty, chronically trigger happy and have “no luck” with any of the above exercises, tips and techniques, then you might have a psychological problem. This is not cause to check yourself into the nearest psych ward or start guzzling Prozac (which can wreak havoc on your sense of desire). But you may need to work out some internal conflicts in order to relax and relate, as well as control yourself sexuality. This “tip” calls for examining yourself and your feelings, especially your penis’ feelings. What is your quick-to-come, quick-to-go prick trying to tell you? Could it be that you subconsciously want to get sex over with? Why? What are you afraid of? Answering these questions honestly can lead you into some pretty tough psychological terrain, involving your ambivalent feelings about women and sex, your fears of abandonment (so you come “before” you can be abandoned), your performance anxieties, your guilt about sex, your conflicts over pleasure. If it’s too tough for you to handle alone—and it’s generally not the type of thing you can talk about with friends, family or even your partner—you might want to consult a sex therapist.

12. Enjoy Yourself: Many guys think of sex as a purely penis-driven activity. Give yourself permission to savor the little pleasures of life, love and sex, the touch of your partner’s skin, the smell of her hair. Instead of focusing all your desire in the hyper-sensitive head of your penis, try opening up to pleasure you can experience through your fingers, toes, nipples, buns, lips and tongue. Don’t worry, you’ll come back to your precious penis, but not before you’ve aroused your whole being: body, mind and soul. It takes a little patience, but if you practice, by the time you allow the forces of pleasure to flow freely through your mighty shaft, you’ll find yourself enjoying the biggest, most explosive orgasm ever.

The Dr. Susan Block Institute
The Orgasm Specialists
Free 24-Hour Sex Therapy Info Line: 213.291.9497

 

“The Porn Star Experience”

The-Pornstar-Experience-Institute


Call 213.291.9497

Do you crave a heightened sexual experience that goes beyond the ordinary? Do you fantasize about exciting, intense, athletic sex with an uninhibited, experienced partner who has a super hot body, smooth shaved genitalia and an insatiable libido?

Do you want to explore a variety of sexual positions—doggystyle (standing or on knees), cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, Asian cowgirl (cowgirl with the female’s feet flat on the ground, in case you didn’t know), missionary (with legs spread or up over shoulders), anal intercourse, analingus, 69 (in all its delicious variations), full-throttle deep throating, snowballs, facesitting, hairpulling, cream pies, ball licking, ATM, tittyfucking, footjobs, female ejaculation, screaming orgasms, rough sex, come in the face, bukkake, exhibitionism, interracial, threesomes, group sex,  gangbangs (and the list goes on…)?

Do you long to live out a sexual scene that’s as lusty, “dirty” and hardcore as the stuff you see in porn?

If so, count yourself among the many who desire The Porn Star Experience (PSE). Though it’s a common fantasy and can even be a fetish, it’s not as easy to achieve as most porn makes it look.  The first challenge is finding a genuine PSE partner, which either means someone who wants to have sex like a porn star, or who actually is a porn star.  If you’re a single guy (and yes, it’s mostly guys looking for the Porn Star Experience, as many of the gals who really enjoy it just become porn stars!), it’s tough enough to find a good PSE partner.  If you’re married, you might be able to interest your wife (or girlfriend) in trying some PSE moves (more on how to finesse that in a moment), but many women are uncomfortable, unwilling or physically unable to engage in these types of hardcore sex acts.

Positions and sex acts are just the start of what a porn star may be eager and able to take part in. Porn stars are also exciting because of how they sound and talk. Do you like moaning? Screaming? Dirty talk?  Do you want your name called out mid-orgasm? Or maybe you’d like to be called other, nastier names? Maybe you want to call her the nasty names without worrying about offending her.  Maybe you want her to beg you to give it to her good? To spank her? To cum on her? Or do you want her grab your cock with confidence and cum all over you?

If you’ve been fantasizing about this, then the PSE may be just what you need. You may not want the porn star life, but one advantage of the PSE is that it is just a temporary experience… you won’t deal with having a porn star for your girlfriend, you won’t have to be on camera in front of thousands of people (or a crew and hot lights), and you don’t need to worry about the actual art and business of pornography! But you do get to enjoy the erotic rush and unforgettable, confidence-boosting sexual experience that comes out of living the fantasy… for a bit, anyway.

So where and how do you get the PSE?  Many escorts, mistresses and call girls offer it.   Some are even actual porn stars who meet with private clients on the side.  Just google the Porn Star Experience and surf around until you find someone appealing in your area.  Entering the escort world is a gamble, of course—not to mention illegal in many locales—but you just might have the PSE of your life!

Then again, you might be hesitant to jump into a real-life PSE, for various practical reasons. Cost: a genuine PSE can be fairly expensive. Safety: who is this person you will be intimate with for an evening or other short time? Will they rip you off? Do they have an STD? Do they have a shady past that may catch up with them (and you)? Besides that, maybe you don’t want people to find out about your PSE. Maybe you have a wife or girlfriend, and don’t want to cheat on her (or don’t want to get caught). Maybe you don’t want anyone to know, because of the stigma that’s still attached to prostitution (and, to some extent, pornography). Maybe you don’t have the time or opportunity.

But there is a way to get the pleasure, excitement and the awesome, empowering carnal knowledge of The Porn Star Experience without the headache of hiring an escort or mistress, and it’s as close as your own phone.  You can experience the PSE in a telephone or webcam sex therapy session with the Dr. Susan Block Institute.  We’re therapists—some of us with PhD’s, Master’s, nursing and other degrees—but we’re sex therapists, and some of us are porn stars. All of us know porn stars and love them. They’re frequent guests at the Institute, especially on Saturday nights when we have our shows and parties. In the medium of the telephone—as well as webcam, email or text—we are the very best at delivering the most intense, visceral, creative, descriptive Porn Star Experience you can imagine.  Our sexy porn star and pornstar-friendly therapists—male, female and shemale—are ready to talk with you, listen and share that quintessential PSE with you.

We can also help you to bring out the “porn star” from within your wife or girlfriend—or yourself!—so you can have an actual PSE with someone you love.  Everybody has a wild porn star inside of them yearning to break free and get wild in some way.  Keep in mind that pornstar quality sex is not an all or nothing proposition.  In fantasy, you can do it all.  In real life, if you can learn just a few PSE moves, positions or tricks, and encourage your partner to really cut loose, you can really spice up your regular sex life.

You might even have a real Porn Star Experience if you come to see a show here at our LA Institute on Saturday nights when Dr. Susan Block interviews porn stars and other sexperts.  That’s right, you can meet real porn stars in person here (call 213.291.9497 for more information about attending our Saturday night shows).  So though the PSE might be pure fantasy, we’re very real and down-to-earth and you can see that for yourself when you visit.

But since we’re an international institute and most of our clients don’t live in LA, our most popular medium for the PSE is the telephone.  It’s  intimate, convenient, less expensive, and virtually pressure-free, allowing you to really relax and let your imagination go wild. Whether you want to have The Porn Star Experience over the phone or cam, or discuss some of the pros and cons of doing it in real life, you can give us a call right now or anytime that’s good for you.  Unlike most therapists, we’re here for you whenever you need us, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.  Call 213.291.9497.

The-Pornstar-Experience-Institute

The other side of the coin of The Porn Star Experience is often referred to as “The Girlfriend Experience” (GSE).  If you’re seeking a partner that’s more friendly than lusty, an experience that’s more emotional than physical, more about intimacy than excitement, perhaps you’d benefit from the GSE.  Here at the Dr. Susan Block Institute, we offer both The Girlfriend Experience and The Porn Star Experience, via phone, webcam, sexting and a whole lot more. Call us now to find out all about it (no charge for information!): 213.291.9497.

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